Bisexual Male Etiquette for MFM Threesome


Bisexual Male Etiquette for MFM Threesome

Introduction

Many men and a few women fantasize of erotic woman on woman contact in a threesome. Woman on woman contact is every where from the movies to commercials and television shows. I have seen a few main-stream television shows that open with a lesbian scene.

Unfortunately male on male contact has yet to become mainstream. The one main-stream television show that I have seen approaching this issue moved from telling a cute story to a show that started attacking society and groups that did not agree with their view point of same-sex equality. From my experience, I have yet to meet an individual or a couple that fantasize about male on male contact in a threesome.  Instead it is something they would like to experience or may see.

For the bisexual male, who is just starting out, it can leave them in a predicament about approaching a couple. A couple has their choice of single men and can be quite selective who they choose since there is an abundance of single men interested in having a threesome. So, how can a bisexual males improve their chance of finding a couple and keep their interest?

Starting Point

Starting point simply means using a frame of reference in order to approach the threesome. In this context it is accepting the couple is a couple. This means there are two individuals who share mutual interests and who share their lives together. As a result what happens in the threesome will have an impact on their lives and the lives of others. Respecting them and their relationship is paramount in being considered for a threesome.

Mirage

Many couples who search for single men do not necessarily search for bisexual single men. Some couples may not consider the idea, some couples may say the male half of the couple is bi-curious and others may be opposed to the idea. Contacting a couple based on the assumption they are looking for a bisexual men to join them because they are searching for potential men to join them maybe a fatal flow.

Risks

Couples who consider threesomes tend to be educated and intelligent. They tend to be aware of the risks of HIV / AIDs, syphilis, and other sexually transmitted diseases. As a result they tend to be aware sex between men is a primary way of spreading infection. This can result in limiting bisexual activity between the men to oral activity and wanting to use condoms as a way of limiting their risk.

Approach

Assuming the couple is not openly looking for a bisexual male to join them then the approach needs to be accommodating. Accommodating means, taking time for understanding their needs. Are they looking for a straight threesome? Is the couple open to male on male contact? If so, what is acceptable? What is the male half of the couple wanting from a bisexual male?

The next part of the approach is to gradually introduce the idea of being bisexual. This does not mean lie to them. Instead it means easing them to the idea. For example if the couple asks, “What are your boundaries for physical contact with other males in a threesome?” One way to gradually introduce the idea is by stating, “I am, under the right circumstances, not opposed to male on male contact.” However, if they ask you if you are bisexual a possible response might be, “I can be flexible. Male on male contact is something I enjoy but it is not necessary. If he is open to it, we hit it off, and the mood is right then we can see where it goes.” In essence, using an accommodating approach means being adaptable to the needs of the couple.

Threesome

Speaking with the couple will give you a general idea of the couple’s comfort level with male on male contact in the threesome. However talking about a threesome and having the threesome are two separate activities. A lot of the time a couple will express their interest in specific activities before having the threesome but once it happens, it is likely the threesome will not develop into the ‘ideal’ threesome that was being previously discussed.

Unless the couple specifically states they are interested in male on male contact in the threesome and the woman is taking on a voyeur role, it is fair to assume they have chosen a bisexual male to pleasure both of them. This means some attention needs to be paid to her along with determining the other male’s interest in same sex contact. If it is his first time find a way to get him comfortable and ease him it same sex contact. It is better to limit the activity to oral and / or some form of masturbation than to push for something more intimate. Making it too intimate for him too fast may make the both of them uncomfortable.

Identifying potential time waster replies and fake profiles


Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril: two men and a...

Time waster real or imaginary?

Imagine for a moment, you have joined a web-site looking for a potential third person to join you for a threesome and now the replies are flowing. How do you identify fake replies or replies form time-wasters?

In response to a request from a follower, I have decided to write about reviewing profiles and replies in determining if they are a potential time-waster. Also I will discuss some of the topics that tend to come up such as sending photos and identifying married men claiming to be single.

I struggled a bit writing this with this since by writing this, I would be alerting potential time-wasters that some of their tricks are known and it might make it more difficult to spot them. Nonetheless, I felt educating my followers was more important and I will give a few pointers. Even though I am giving a few pointers, it does not mean it will identify all time-wasters and it may potentially identify legitimate replies as being time-wasters. Therefore it is imperative anyone reading this uses it as a guide and use their own experience for identifying time-wasters.

Hallmarks in Profile / Ad:

  • Elusive or very vague Ad / Profile
  • Short ad / profile lacking any details
  • Poor grammar and / or spelling
  • Arrogant, narcissistic, and / or inflated sense of self
  • Incorrect or overuse of lifestyle terminology.
  • Ad uses lifestyle terminology makes the ad awkward.
  • Attempts to make themselves look legitimate
  • Lack of warmth, friendliness, and the ad is not very inviting.
  • Ad / Profile style, content, information, or tone seems similar to another / other profiles on the site

Hallmarks in Replies

Usually there are a few hallmarks, signs, in the reply that may alert you that you may have received a reply from a potential time-waster, these signs include:

  • A rush to meet – (e.g. I do not waste my time with emails, when are we meeting?)
  • Push for photos (e.g. How do I know you are legitimate without a photo?)
  • Game playing / manipulation (e.g. delaying meeting, showing aggressiveness in replies, etc)
  • Name calling or stating you are not a legitimate couple (You are not a legitimate couple wanting a threesome, if you are then we would have met.)
  • Focus on one member of the couple and not seeing you as a couple (I love to eat pussy and can please the ladies)
  • Belief that there is a problem in the relationship and seeing themselves as the solution (You would not be looking for a threesome if your husband could please you in bed)
  • Profile and replies not in sync. This is typical for married men who claim to be single. For example their profile may state they are single and free to meet any-time. However when you suggest a meet, for example on a weekend evening, their reply states they cannot meet on the weekend due to the kids.

The main thing to remember is the decision to have a threesome resides with you. It cannot happen without your consent and it needs to happen at a speed that you are comfortable with. If you are getting pushed to meet before you are ready or being pushed for photos to prove you are legitimate then the person is not right for you.

Identifying Married Men who claim to be Single

There are some out there who believe having a threesome with a married man whose wife does not know is acceptable. However, from my perspective I believe it open the threesome up to a lot of drama and married men should be avoided. Below are some potential hallmarks of a reply from a married man:

  • Changes meeting time or day at last moment
  • States he cannot meet at a time when previously states he was available
  • Elusive about being married and may use terms liking dating or in a long-term relationship to avoid answering the question directly. May attempts o skirt the issue or minimize the fact he is married (e.g. “I am in a loveless marriage that has been over for years and we are staying together for the kids.”)
  • May state wife is agreeable to him having a threesome without her. If he states wife is agreeable to him being a threesome then ask to speak to the wife and actually speak to her since. If they are in an open relationship then the wife should have no issues speaking to you.

Sending Photos

With technology to alter photos and to copy photos from the Internet, I do not believe sending a photo in the beginning proves legitimacy. All it proves, I believe, is you are able to send a photo via email and it does not prove you are a couple. The issue I have with sending photos is it proves nothing while at the same time it potentially opens you up for your photo being shared on the Internet. This means if you send an R rated or X rated photo then be prepared that you may find it being shared on different web sites since once you send the photo you no longer have any control over it. If you have a job that is public facing or friends / family that are sensitive then be careful about what you send. Ideally, this author feels, if photos are going to be exchanged then they should only be exchanged after you have spoken with them and both of you send photos as I way to identify each other when you meet in public.

Posting photos in your profile / ad

In regards to using a photo in your profile / ad, as an author, I have a different view. I do not believe it is necessary. However, I do feel, people do relate to photos and it may help with receiving more replies. Also, I feel, it might help in limiting replies from time-wasters. However, any photo should not show other people and definitely should not include any children. The type of photo to include can be:

  • A photo of you shot at a distance, in order not to show detailed facial features if you are concerned about privacy and be prepared that someone might know it is you. A good example is vacation / holiday photo.
  • Partially naked or naked photo shot below the head. This is good for privacy concerns.
  • Partially naked or naked photo showing head if privacy or people you know finding out is not an issue
  • If you are a couple then a photo of you as a couple. Again shot from the distance if you are concerned about privacy and be prepared that someone might know it is you. A good example is vacation / holiday photo.

How long should corresponding take?

There is no set time limit to number of replies to corresponding before meeting. A person that is truly interested in meeting and having a threesome with you will give you the necessary time before you are ready. This means there should be no pressure tactics or manipulation being used to get you to agree meet in person before you are ready and have taken the necessary steps to plan for your safety.

Can I end the correspondence without seeming like a time-waster?

Just because you send an email asking for further information and to explore the potential of meeting for a threesome does not mean you have to meet. You or the other can end corresponding before meeting. The reason for ending the correspondence can be varied from not having enough interest / attraction to a change in mind about having a threesome.

If proper etiquette is followed then an explanation for ending the correspondence is not needed but if you are asked keep it simple, “I / we are pursuing other interests at the moment and thank you for your interest.” This should be sufficient and if you are pressed for a more detailed explanation then state you will not provide a further explanation.

Realities and Myths – Personal Biases

This section is meant to draw a contrast with the above sections to highlight time-waster is perceptual. When we begin this journey of reviewing and replying ads there is a tendency of being everything to everybody. After doing it a few times and realizing it is not possible since everyone has their own preference. Furthermore, you will learn that your profile appeases a certain segment of the site and as couple you are drawn to certain types of profiles. The challenge lies in finding a way for both of them to be in sync. If not it raises some fundamental questions surrounding expectations, the type of person that is interested, and approach being used. By developing an awareness and accepting that not everyone is going to be drawn to you, it is possible to eliminate those who are compatible rather then perceiving them as time wasters.

Comments

If you have any comments or insights about spotting time-wasters please feel free to share them.

Discretly finding the third person


Dessins de Martin van Maele. Para Zoloé et ses...

In the beginning

Having this site I do receive bountiful number of questions that get asked to which I will personally reply but this question asks two very fundamental questions that I feel is best answered by writing an article. It is my hope this helps others who have similar questions.

First question, how do they find a third person without announcing it.

Second how do you find someone without going into the party scene?

Why is the party scene bad for a newbie

The questions are similar enough that I will answer second question, regarding finding someone, first. To begin with, each option carries a degree of risk that can be managed if enough thought is put into the meeting and safety is considered. This does not mean it will be 100% safe or be uneventful. Instead it means careful planning can improve safety and increase the chance of having an enjoyable experience.

When looking for a threesome probably the worst place you can look is the party scene. The party scene can involve drugs and alcohol making a horrible combination for a threesome. Also, the party scene is not the best place for a couple just starting out because it requires communication and decisions being made very quickly. It is not impossible for someone to be successful at a party but like anything else, some learning needs to occur. By not having some experience, cues can be missed or misinterpreted. As a result it can lead to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, or breaching an agreed boundary. In my opinion, unless the couple knows someone who will act as a guide for them then it is better for them to develop their threesome skills before trying a party.

Swingers Clubs

Swingers club does offer a better option. There are variety of sources for finding a swingers club. Most swingers clubs because of alcohol licensing laws and adult entertainment law are BYOB (Bring your own bottle).  Meaning they do not serve alcohol and tend to have strict rules regarding drug use. Depending on the club, they can be a very welcoming and supportive place for a couple just starting out.

Nonetheless, swingers clubs are expensive. Costs can include buying the right dress since many clubs will not allow jeans and sneakers. If you live in a rural, sparsely populated area, or in the suburbs driving may become a factor. In very sparsely populated areas driving time to travel to to a club may be several hours. Finally a swingers club, like a party, requires solid social skills that need to be learned.

Online

Dating Websites and Threesome Websites

Many couples take their introduction into the world of wife sharing and group sex by going slower while protecting your privacy is using an online dating web site. that provide several advantages.

  • Allows creating an alias to protect identity and to limit information being provided
  • Replies can be screened
  • Speed of reply is set by the member.
  • Provides a medium to ask questions
  • A greater opportunity for communication and a greater opportunity for global discussions about taking the ‘plunge’ into having a threesome.
  • Greater control
  • More opportunity to communicate with the potential third person

In essence, it gives you to control about who you speak with and the speed at which you develop enough information to decide if having a threesome with the individual is practical.

A major drawback can be the expense along with the time needed. This is especially true if the search includes a single bisexual female, sometimes called a unicorn. A second drawback is people tend to create an online facade and it will take some time in order to break through that facade in order to understand the real person and once you meet them they may not be the person whom they say they are.

Amateur Photo Sites

Along with or as an alternative to using a sites designed for threesomes are amateur photo sites. Similar rules apply for creating an alias but on these sites it is better if you do not advertise you are looking for a threesome. Generally speaking using an amateur photo web site is a great choice if you are wanting a soft-swing experience by using photos or having a web cam experience.

These sites tend to create a voyeur experience and it may mean you have to invest a bit more time since the individual may think you are trying to create a threesome fantasy for them instead of a real experience. Plus you may have to spend some extra time doing some vetting and building up a relationship to have a threesome because individuals tend to want the fantasy of having a threesome instead of actually having one.

Holiday Vacation

Third option might be having a threesome while on holiday / vacation. This is an excellent option if privacy is an issue, job is an issue, or if developing feelings for the third person will become an issue. By having a threesome while away will protect your privacy, limit involvement, and can lower resistance to the idea since the risk of someone finding out is low.

The drawback to this option is the expense involved because such an option requires traveling several hundred or several thousand miles for this option to be effective.

Cellular Mobile Phone Applications

Fourth option as technology changes there are more options to find someone outside of the normal channels. I am reading some sites are developing apps for phones. Since these apps or still either in development or in their infancy it is very difficult to comment on them. The only thing I will say at this moment is be careful in regard to safety and security. This means doing your research on the app before installing it.

In answer to the second question of how to find someone without using the party scene? There are least four ways to be discrete about finding the third person. The choice comes down to your level of comfort, the risk you are willing to take, the expense, and which method best fits your needs.

Second question how to approach the third person without offending them?

Approaching someone regarding a threesome is at a minimum anxiety provoking and at the worse it can be deathly frightening because of degree of emotional vulnerability. This means in order to have a threesome you need to be gregarious and confident. A couple that is socially awkward may find themselves may miss opportunities because they are too afraid to say anything because they are afraid offending the other person or fear being rejected. If having a threesome important enough then becoming outgoing enough to let the other know your boundaries, preferences, and dislikes will happen.

The secret is following basic rules of etiquette, communicate, and be a gracious host. Spend time listening to the third person instead of talking too much or trying too hard. If time is taken to observe while listening and responding accordingly then there is little that will offend the third person.

With that said, having a threesome requires trust, communication, and a willingness to explore; this normally leads to a relaxation of social rules to allow a discussion regarding the threesome. Also it allows each person’s social guard to be lowered thereby allowing for sharing to occur. In the event a couple can be good socially then things ideally should fine.

What does this mean for the couple? If they are in a situation where it is implied the meeting is a threesome / group sex then it is implied the reason why everyone is there is to have sex. However if it is more intimate such as arranging a meeting to discuss the idea then the discussion needs to be a bit more delicate especially if the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest in having a threesome. In a situation where the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest then the best way is to be direct about their interest. Alluding to the idea or using euphemisms will only lead to confusion thereby making having a threesome difficult.

Final Thought

In answering the second question, the best way not to offend the third person is to be open and honest about your needs. This means being assertive and  not doing something that makes you uncomfortable in order to please the third person. It may also mean finding situations where it is assumed that people are looking for a group sex experience like a threesome thereby removing some of the uncertainty regarding if the third person is seeking a similar experience.

Writing an ad – Advice for single men


English: Scene VI of the famous mural showing ...

Are Threesomes No Strings Attached (NSA)?

The idea of uncomplicated sex, with a couple appears appealing and after much contemplation the decision is made to post an ad for a couple searching for a single male. As the ad is being drafted, one obvious question enters the writer’s consciousness what should be included?

For a single man the starting point is accepting being a part of large pool of single men interested in having a threesome. The number of single men interested in a threesome exceeds the number of couples interested in a threesome and single women too. Also, it means being able to understand the couple’s perspective in their selection process. It is not enough to write, “I am great at giving oral,” or “I can make the ladies cum.” How many single men will publicly admit they are bad at giving oral or is completely unable to make a woman cum? The point here is do not be generic, think about what the couple might want from a third person beyond their sexual ability, and do not state the obvious. The other point, first impressions are lasting. Such a statement may attract a few couple but for many, it can be discouraging.

So how do you get beyond stating the obvious or being generic? Best approach is being yourself. This means writing the ad as though you were talking with the couple and letting them know why they should choose you instead of someone else. Also, think about the type of couple you want to meet and the type of threesome scenario you are wanting. The remaining part of this blog will cover what to avoid and what should be included.

Writing the Ad

First avoid using colloquialisms and clichés.  While it may be common to use colloquialisms and clichés in everyday conversation, when writing an ad it should be a bit more formal. The problem with colloquialisms and clichés is not everyone has the same understanding leading to confusion and the other problem it can create a bad impression.

Second, do not make assumptions. One assumption that is made, the couple wants a threesome because the male half is bisexual and thereby stating being bi-curious as a way to increase the chance for being selected. Reality is a two male threesome can be straight and most two male threesomes that occur do not involve male on male contact. Male bisexuality can be a turn-off for couples due to the risk of STI / STDs. The point here is if you are not bi-sexual / bi-curious then do not add it.  Another assumption that is wrongly made is there is an issue in the relationship and having a threesome is meant to address it. Reality here is most couples who have threesomes have stable relationships and are not looking for a way to fix a relationship issue.

Third, do not write the ad as though you are there for the woman. Reason being, they are a couple and approaching the ad from that perspective can create the impression you will cause problems for the couple. Instead, think about the type of couple you are trying to attract and how you will meet their needs.

Fourth, do not get ahead of yourself. Sometimes ads will contain personal contact information or get demanding about how a couple should reply. First do not include any personal contact information and if a couple wants contact information they will, at some point, ask for it. In addition being a single male in a situation where there is a surplus of single men and being in a situation that is predominately controlled by couples means, being demanding is not acceptable.

So what should you ad contain? It should show your personality and it should be well written.  Take the time to proof read it, correct spelling errors and correct grammatical errors. Make sure the ad remains on point and it does not ramble. Also include any boundaries that you have and your sexual interests. If you are looking for a couple that shares similar interests to you then include them; however if it is not necessary that they share your interests then avoid any person interests. Do not push for a reply and give them time to come back to you. If they say ‘no’ then accept it and reply to couples that respond to your ad. Essentially your ad should contain the information a couple would need to make the decision if they should speak with your further about having a threesome and should be written in a way that encourages it.

Planning a successful threesome


Threesome in the Corner

Intro

Successful threesomes do not just happen. They are the result of communication, a stable relationship, and time together as a couple. Does this mean that every couple that has a stable relationship, good communication, and have been together for several years are guaranteed a successful threesome? No, threesomes fail for a variety of reasons including good planning and so no couple should never feel that there is a guaranteed formula for a successful.

This article will explore some of the necessary ingredients and also explore some of the more common reasons as to why threesomes do not work. This article will look at relationships, third person choice, communication, and then finally at some of the more common reasons about why a threesome may fail.

Relationships

What is necessary in a relationship for a threesome to work? To begin with the couple needs some ‘history’ together. This means that they have worked through some issues and gone through some stressful times together. By having these experiences they begin to develop a coping mechanism that allows them to discuss other challenges in the future. Typically a couple should be together a minimum of two years and preferably five years before considering having a threesome.

Another issue for couples considering having a threesome is the decision to have threesomes needs to be an egalitarian, decision equally made by both, in regards to having a threesome. This means that using pressure, manipulation, bargaining, or any other method to coerce an agreement to have a threesome will almost certainly make sure issues at a later date. Also this includes the reason for having a threesome. If there are feelings that a spouse will cheat if a threesome does not occur, that they will leave, or any other similar reasons then the couple should consider not having a threesome until these issues are resolved.

For a couple timing does become a consideration. If the couple has just met, recently married, gone through a major life stress, going through a major life stress, expect that they will be going through a major life stress then a couple does not have a threesome during this time. Major life events are those events that define a milestone in someone’s life. For each person and couple they are different; however they include issues such as:

  • Major illness
  • Surgery
  • Loss of a job
  • Birth of a child
  • Death of a close family member (e.g. child, parent, sibling)
  • Moving
  • Change in job or promotion
  • Debt or bankruptcy

Finally the couple needs to have developed a bond. This bond needs to be one that is special and unique. Each person needs to see the other as their life partner or soul mate. It is difficult to put into the words the unique bond that is needed. If the couple has not achieved the unique bond then taking some time to develop their relationship would be worth considering. Developing the relationship does not need therapy but taking time together. While they take time to spend together they use it to learn more about each other, develop their communication, and feel committed to one another.

Communication

Communication is an involved subject and much of it is beyond the scope of this article. This article will focus on the communication necessary for deciding on having a threesome. Essentially communicating about having a threesome involves three areas: discussion of the subject, boundaries, continued communication after the threesome. It also means that the communication in the relationship is at a point where each person can talk to the other without the fear of conflict, ridicule, or abandonment. It means that even though the other person may not agree with what is being said there is enough ‘respect’ in the relationship that allows the information to be communicated without fear.

Discussion of the subject

This area involves talking about all areas that relate, directly or indirectly, to having a threesome that occurs outside of the bedroom. It involves, but not limited to, talking about what ifs, scenarios, planning the threesome, and the type of person the two of you would invite. The discussions occur over a period sometimes weeks, years, and sometimes it resolves itself where no threesome happens. Anyhow the discussions have an aim of making an egalitarian decision about if the couple will have a threesome and if it does happen how it will be structured.

Boundaries

Boundaries do form a part of the discussion of the subject but are so important that they actually become a separate discussion. There are two components to discussing boundaries: relationship boundaries and threesome boundaries. Relationship boundaries regard how the relationship will run during the time the couple is active in having threesomes and how the couple will handle their threesome experience once the decision is made not to have anymore threesomes. While the threesome boundaries address the issues of the limits for the threesome. Since each couple is unique along with their own unique requirements there are no set boundaries. Instead the couples need to discuss and negotiate their boundaries.

Fear

One member of a couple may have a threesome out of fear of loosing their partner. Once they go through with it they have a lot of feelings such as guilt, anger, and disappointment. A lot of times they may have problems communicating to their partner that they did not like the threesome and this allows further problems to grow within the relationship until the relationship ends.

Communication after the threesome – debriefing

Once the threesome ends it does not mean that communication ends too. Instead it means that the couple continues to talk about their experiences and feelings about the threesome as long as necessary. Ideally after each threesome the couple has they should, as soon possible, talk about the experience including any feelings that it may have brought up.

Third Person Selection

For some couples they do not put any effort into it by choosing someone they know who they feel is a safe choice. However this can have some very devastating consequences for the couple.

As the couple talks about the type of threesome they want they need to include discussing the type of person they would invite and the type of person they would not invite. This means each couple takes the time work through who would meet their needs. The rest of this discussion will focus on issues surrounding third person selection.

No need to discuss when the time feels right

One fallacy, a couple may believe is, there is no need to discuss having a threesome and they will know when it feels rights. For most couples this is a major mistake. Reason being, the couple has acted impulsively and have not thought through all the potential issues thereby leaving themselves vulnerable to potential issues.

Choosing friends and co-workers

Friendships are put at risk when the subject of having a threesome comes up. Granted you may hear the odd story where a friend was more than willing to take part in a threesome with a couple. However the reality of the story 99% of the time the friend will not be receptive to the idea and even if they are receptive there are added risks that they bring that a ‘stranger’ would not bring. So it is very important that if you are considering asking a friend that the decision is weighed heavily against loosing them as a friend and loosing your partner too.

As for co-workers there are so many issues this author does not know where to begin. To begin with if there is a supervisory relationship or even the slightest remote possibility that at some point in the distant future that it may be a supervisory relationship then avoid it at all costs. Reason being too much of a risk for complaints about sexual harassment, unfair working practices, hostile work environment, and a host of other complaints could be filed. Which means your personal life now becomes the focus of internal investigation and an investigation by several governmental agencies.

Another reason for avoiding a co-worker is risk of exposure. Yes, they may not say anything now. However what will happen if they say no or worse yet, what will happen in the future especially when it goes sour? The last thing you want is to be the subject of gossip mill at work or begin to get the reputation that you are ‘easy’.

Finally the risk for exposure can diminish any career prospects for you when you leave your role. It is better to play it safe by keeping work and your personal life separate than trying to mix the two.

Conclusion

A successful threesome does not just happen. Instead it involves communication, choosing the right person, and being together long enough to have developed a strategy for dealing with issues. Without taking the time to plan and discuss the idea, a threesome poses a risk to a couple’s relationship.

Meet and greet – no pressure way to meet


 

Meet and greet area at the new Hyderabad Inter...

 

Introduction:

 

On our metaphoric journey we have finished descending down from the mountains and can begin to see our final destination just in front of the horizon. Purpose of the meet and greet for a couple is it gives them a chance to meet the third person they have been communicating with and make decisions about their next steps. This section will talk in more detail about arranging a meet and greet along with some of the issues that may be encountered. Finally this is meant as an overview in order to give a couple an ideas what is involved with a meet and greet and this chapter not meant to be a treatise on the topic.

 

Meet & Greet – Two forms defined

 

Meet & Greets have two different usages when it comes to threesomes and group sex. First definition refers to a meet & greet discussed whereby a couple meets a third person in order to discover if enough of an attraction exists for a threesome. Normally this is done by couples starting out in order to give them a bit more control over the situation and to ensure that the decision they are making is the right decision for them. For the purpose of this article when discussing meet & greet it will refer to this definition.

 

Second use of the term refers to an off-premise event, where sex does not occur at the venue and it purpose is meant to be a no pressure event regarding sex. It is meant for people who share a similar interest to come together to meet and discuss. Such a forum provides a chance to make contacts and serves as another way to meet people interested in having threesomes.

 

Issues for Couples

 

At this stage the idea of having a threesome has for the most part moved from fantasy to becoming more real. For the couple it means taking the first solid step towards having it and it may mean some insecurity is encountered. If the couple has not had “the talk,” yet, then it should occur before meeting the invited third person. “The talk,” involves acknowledging that planning to have a threesome is a mutual decision with the right to change their mind at any time without repercussion and not to hold it against the other should it goes forward. Also it involves talking about the planned threesome, how they expect to feel about it, especially if they are going to be the one watching their partner having sex with someone else and talking about any issues that may have arisen. Finally it is meant to go through the boundaries to make sure they are workable, use the time to talk about any issues, and to agree to talk after the threesome happens in order to address any unresolved feelings.

 

General Principles

 

Ideally before arranging a meet and greet some conversations should have already occurred between the three of them. The conversations should have, at a minimum, covered a summary of boundaries and expectations.  Based on conversations that have already taken place there should be a general consensus that there is an interest in having a threesome and at some level an attraction among all three exists.

 

Meeting place should be a public area and preferably not a bar or club. Instead place should allow conversations to happen and be somewhere that encourages all three to be social. Typical places would include restaurant, a theatrical production, a movie, or other public events. Should there be some physical distance between the couple and the third person then maybe meeting half-way or some other compromise maybe needed. It should go without saying that considering the risk and safety need to be factored in deciding where to meet.

 

Third before meeting it should be clear to everyone what the evening will entail and if sex might occur. Ideally for a couple that is still new then it would be best to wait until the second meeting before allowing the threesome to happen. It does not mean that flirting, incidental contact, or limited touching cannot occur. In some ways it gives each person a chance to gage their reaction before things become more intimately involved and it gives the couple one more chance to work through any outstanding feelings. By doing it this way means setting boundaries and expectations then sticking to them thereby helping the couple to prepare for the eventual threesome.

 

Fourth the couple should not be shocked if their invited third person does not show up. “No shows” can be common and it comes with the territory. Ideally you should give the third person some time past the stated time in the event they were delayed by traffic, work, or did not leave as expected. Ideally this author would recommend giving the third person if they are not on time an addition 15 – 30 minutes. Should the invited third not show up without giving proper notice then it is best not to waste your time on them and find someone else. It is important to remember that having a threesome and having a relationship analogous to dating are two separate things. A goal of this type of threesome is to avoid forming feelings or an attachment to the third person. By becoming fixated on one person as the ideal choice for the threesome increases the chance that feelings will develop and it is best to move on rather then risking that.

 

Fifth point, at this stage you are not looking for “coffee moments,” whereby a deep long lasting friendship is developed before the threesome happens. By the time you arrange a meet & greet as a couple you should be about 80% – 95% certain that you would like to have a threesome with the person that you are meeting. At this stage if it is going to happen then the transition to the threesome happening is quite fast, no more than 2 – 3 face to face meetings. If it takes longer than about 3 meets without something happening then the couple needs to examine the reason.

 

Finally meeting a third person and having a threesome are not the same. It could be that when you communicate that an attraction exists but when you meet the attraction seems to fizzle. This may mean you have made a new friend, if you choose, but it also means you need to begin your search again.

 

Meeting Etiquette

 

Reality is there is no right way to meet the person. Dress for the meeting is dictated by where you will be meeting and to a lesser extent the expected threesome. Normally this means for males dressing smart, female(s) can dress sexy as long as it is appropriate for where they are going to be, being properly groomed, and following proper hygiene are essential too.

 

Some couples may have the person who is the same gender (e.g male half of the couple meet the invited male or if mff having the female half of the couple meet the invited woman) meet alone with the third person to screen them and then to introduce them to their partner. Screening at this point is to make sure that with who you are meeting is the same person that you have been talking with, to see if an attraction exists, and to ensure that the third person is still in agreement with the planned boundaries.

 

Purpose of the meeting is twofold. One as already stated to give a chance for the couple to think through if they want to go through with the planned threesome using this person. Second is to develop a “working relationship” with the third person whereby a level of comfort is established and the necessary communication is also established. By developing this type of relationship the hope is that the threesome once it does happen will go smoothly because some of the foundation has already been laid.

 

During the meeting, especially at the start, the conversation should be social and follow the normal social rules. This means the invited third person should treat the couple as a couple and be respectful towards their relationship. Just because the purpose of the meeting is to determine if a threesome is possible, it means the invited third person is to take their cues from the couple regarding behaviour especially when it comes to flirting and any touching.

 

At some point the conversation will begin to turn to sex and the threesome if an attraction exists. It is important that the couple steers the conversation, not let it go beyond what they are comfortable with, and reinforce their boundaries. Should there be indications that things are progressing towards a threesome then the couple needs to begin the conversation regarding boundaries and expectation along with giving the invited third person a chance to discuss their needs too.

 

Finally if the couple stated that sex was not going to occur during the first meeting then the couple needs to let the invited third person know how and when they would get back to them about their decision. The third person should not pressure them to rush their decision and whatever their decision they need to respect it.

 

Conclusion

 

This section basically introduced the idea of the meet & greet and how it functioned. It has not covered all issues involved because it is not a treaties on the subject and its purpose was to give couples an introduction into how to have a meet & greet. Any meeting of a potential third person needs to consider risk, safety, and the impact on the couple’s relationship which means no threesome is free of risk.

 

 

Guidance for couples – writing an ad for a threesome


Intro

It is 3:00 in morning, the house is quiet and the two of you want to write an ad for a threesome, how do you it? Hopefully by this point the enough of a discussion has occurred that will allow the ad to be written without further discussions. The ad should reflect your personality as a couple, some very non-specific information about the two of you, along with covering your boundaries and the type of person you want to meet as a third. Essentially you are using words in painting a picture, as a couple, you want from a threesome.

Think before leaping

Writing an ad can elicit many feelings from fear of rejection to sure excitement. It is important before writing the ad some time is given thinking about the type of threesome, the type of person you are trying to attract, and also what each of you brings to the threesome. By thinking through the idea it will help to write the ad, along with increasing the chance that the threesome will be successful and increase the chance of finding a person that is suitable.

Using words to reflect your personality

Very few of us are masters of the written word but when placing an ad being an accomplished writer is not necessary. However, your style and the way you write will attract some people while turning away others. Therefore, the words you choose say something about who you are and it is important that the right image is created. This means taking the time to edit, spell check your ad, and taking a few moments to grammar check it too. Choppy sentences, run on sentences, and sentences with misspelled words can discourage potential candidates from responding. Before writing the ad it might be worth reading through other ads to get an idea of style of writing and what others include in their ad.

Also, it means do not write the ad as though you just took a creative writing class or swallowed a dictionary. Furthermore an ad does not read as though it was written by a well known author from the romantic period in literature nor does it need creative words to be effective. Instead write the ad as though you were confidently talking to someone about having a threesome with the two of you, what would say? How would you say it? What element of your personality would come through to them? How would they describe you as a couple?

Finally as you proofread your ad think as though you were responding to it. read What would you think? What image does it create in your mind about the couple? Is this a couple you would want to meet? If not, then it is a sign more editing is needed.

Non-specific information about the two of you as a couple

This ties with the first part and it is not as essential as the other parts. The purpose here is to provide a reader of the ad insight into the couple and to attract people with similar interests. It is also used to make the author of the ad sound more personable, what you like to do as couple, and approachable.  For example it could be, “… Fred likes to sing and Missy likes to run in marathons,” or might be something like, “… as a couple we like watching movies.” It is important to remember, the information here should not identify you, it should be short, and it should be very generic.

Boundaries

This is a key element to the ad and boundaries need to be included. Providing a laundry list of boundaries or going into details about your boundaries is not necessary at this point. Only a few key boundaries or a very general summary should be included. An example might be, “… Mary enjoys most things but is not into giving oral.” Another example, “We are looking for a male to join us for a straight threesome since Fred has no interest in male on male contact.” Final example, “We are middle the road couple who enjoys most sexual things except anything extreme, which includes water-sports and Roman showers.” Once you get a reply and begin discussing the idea with someone then you can go into more details about your boundaries.

Type of person you want to meet

If the two of you have not discussed this in much detail you may struggle with it. This is the section that will let the reader know the type of person you want to meet and the type person you do not want to invite. Essentially this should work as a filter to help you sort through those you are most likely to be interested in meeting and those you are most likely not interested in meeting. Characteristics you may want to consider:

  • age / age range
  • relationship status (married, committed relationship or single)
  • sexuality (straight, bi, gay)
  • gender / sex
  • someone who is looking for a one off situation or an ongoing situation
  • someone who is able to accommodate or someone who is not able to accommodate
  • body build
  • sexual interests (dp, bondage, any other legal sexual interests)

Summary

Placing an ad for a threesome does not need to be a tumultuous experience. Instead an ad is a summary of your interests in having a threesome along with your limits. It should try to reflect the type of couple you are and the type of person you want to meet. A well written ad  will go a long way in meeting the need and it can provide dividends for the couple by providing them with quality responses to their ad.