Why you can never go back

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

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• Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
• Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
• Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
• Feelings toward your spouse
• How each of you relate to the other
• You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
• Feelings develop for the third person
• They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
• Other changes including though not limited to:
  • Increase in sex drive
  • Decrease in sex drive
  • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Why Couples Choose Cuckolding

Easing into wife sharing

25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

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Cuckolding is it right for me?

It all starts with a harmless thought

At night in bed

Laying in bed a night and she is already asleep. The room is dark and quiet.  Random thoughts begin entering and leaving without too much attention. Soon one question enters and cause some pondering, what will it be like if she was fucking someone else for me?

At first the idea is repulsive. How can it happen? She will never go through with it, let alone consider it. Even if she will consider the idea, it will never happen and if it did happen, she will make sure not to enjoy it.

Knowing she will not go through with it is not enough to allow the question to pass like the others. Soon an image enters. She is laying naked on a king size bed with white sheets and her legs spread. On top of her is male but has no face. They are embracing and he is inside of her. Looking at her, it is obvious she is enjoying it.

Now mere thought of her being with someone else is upsetting and invokes feelings of anger. Soon the feeling of anger subsides and something about the image catches your interest. As you lay there looking at her and thinking about the image of her being with someone else, it is not long before getting hard. Soon feelings of arousal and joy replace feelings of repulsion.The image of her with someone else is arousing and the idea is something you begin considering before asking yourself, is cuckolding right for me?

Foreplay

It starts out with a very suggestive texts during the day in order to seduce her when she gets home, “You look sexy,” “I Love You,” “When I get you home I am going to do nasty things to you.” She reciprocates by texting suggestive photos back along with describing how wet her texts got her. Arriving home from a long day at work, sex is the meal being served. Neither of you are hungry for food but hunger for each other. Supper is delayed for the both of you to feast on the pleasures that await for you in your bedroom.

The bedroom is dark with some light cracking the curtains and the hallway light the seeps into the bedroom from the slightly open door. Each crawls into bed pulling up the blankets and holds the other. Soon light touching and caressing is replaced by intense arousal that involves intense lustful kissing. Soon the kissing settles and the room electrified with an intense hunger for the other. She positions herself into a missionary position suggestively saying, “do whatever you want to me,” that is followed by “making me cum really hard.”

Her challenge “opens the door” to test her reaction of being shared. While eating her out, she moans and her body moves with her stroke of her clit. Soon you begin fingering her and describing a scene where another man fucks her. Initial thought, “she will say I don’t like this,” but she reacts positively getting even hornier before coming hard.

Describing be taken by another man, her lack of resistance, and her cumming hard suggests she is open to the idea? As a result a question arises, how do I take it to the next step? Followed by, how do I make it happen for her? Instead the question should be, “is cuckolding right for me?”

The basics

What is cuckolding?

Today, cuckolding is a word creeping into our everyday vocabulary.  Just a few years ago, very few knew what cuckolding is but with social media more people are showing an interest in practice. Before being able to answer the question, is cuckolding right for me? It is necessary to understand the practice.

Traditional Definition

When we hear the cuckold it is natural to assume it is a fairly new word that has grown out of the sexual liberation of the 1960s. Nonetheless the genesis of the word cuckolding goes back nearly 500 years as the word for an unfaithful wife.

As time progressed and the word cuckolding became a part of our everyday vocabulary, the usage expanded. Today it covers a variety of sexual practices where the husband, in most cases remains monogamous, but his wife takes on at least one male lover outside of the relationship. In such cases, unlike in the past, it is done with her husband’s knowledge and consent.

Liberal Definition

Visit a few web sites that talks about cuckolding and it soon becomes apparent cuckolding is quickly becoming a dumping ground for any group sex activity that loosely falls under the definition of wife sharing. Wife sharing involves a inviting at least one other person Likewise, there is a tendency to use the word to cover sexual practices that are more synonymous with swinging, wife sharing, and wife swapping. Some will argue this usage is incorrect and I agree.

Couple’s cuckolding

So far in this discussion, cuckolding involves some form of BDSM or some form of group sex activity. Now, I am going to add a third definition. This definition involves wife sharing, though excluding gang-bangs and orgies, while incorporating some aspects of traditional cuckolding.  It does not involve forming long-term emotional relationship common to traditional cuckolding and it does not involve opening-up the relationship.

I call couple’s cuckolding.Couple’s cuckolding tends to fall in between the strict interpretation of the word cuckolding and the more liberal definition that includes all types of group sex activity that falls short of being classified as an orgy. Under the strict interpretation of cuckolding, the practice includes a BDSM element such as: humiliation, domination, submission, and discipline. The practice, for some couples moves from being a role play activity into a lifestyle that is dominated by their rules. Couples who take cuckolding to the extreme may practice withholding sex for a period of time, using a male chastity device, and may involve some form of discipline if the rules are not followed.

Also under the strict definition, it is the wife who takes on a male lover, other than her husband. Her contact with her male lover, is usually done outside of the home and usually, though not always, without her husband being present. This implies cuckolding, when using this definition, has a quasi open relationship element to it and a quasi polyamory element to it.

Whereas couple’s cuckolding eliminates the quasi polyamory and open relationship element by keeping the experience at the level of sexual enjoyment instead of focusing on relationship development. This means there may be some BDSM elements to a couple’s cuckolding but it is not a dominating feature. Likewise, couple cuckolding is not meant to become a lifestyle but something a couple will under take for periodic mutual enjoyment. This means couple’s cuckolding probably resembles a threesome but without her husband being present. Instead his enjoyment comes from her regaling her experience and if she chooses, sharing sloppy seconds.

Finally for this article, cuckolding will incorporate the traditional definition and couple’s cuckolding.

Is cuckolding right for me?

Laying in bed and thinking about your wife having sex with someone else or role playing it as a part of foreplay is not sufficient to know if it is a good choice.  Knowing if cuckolding is the right choice involves discussions, reflection, and understanding expectations for everyone before reaching a decision. Nonetheless there are a few questions to ponder to help in answering the question:

1. Do I accept there is a difference between the reality of cuckolding and how it is portrayed in the media?
2. Am I comfortable in various situations?
3. Can I be assertive
4. Am I comfortable with my spouse / partner to speak to them about absolutely anything?
5. Do I wait for all of the information before making a decision?
6. Do I get easily jealous?
7. Am I prepared to share my wife with someone else?
8. Am I am willing to accept the changes to our relationship that will occur?
9. Can I accept there will be someone else in her life that may be as important as me?
10. Am I willing to support her?

Finally

There is no correct answer to the question, is cuckolding right for me? The above questions are meant for reflection and are meant to help with the decision of suggesting trying cuckolding. They are also meant to help the individual understand some of the issues involved and the challenges they may face. It is important to remember, cuckolding is fundamentally different than having a threesome and therefore puts different demands on a couple.

The answer is only found after reflecting, researching the topic, and discussing. Only then, can a couple truly answer if cuckolding is right for them.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Couple’s Cuckolding

Why couples choose cuckolding?

Characteristics of successful couples

Easing into cuckolding

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking

First Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Discretly finding the third person

In the beginning

Having this site I do receive bountiful number of questions that get asked to which I will personally reply but this question asks two very fundamental questions that I feel is best answered by writing an article. It is my hope this helps others who have similar questions.

First question, how do they find a third person without announcing it.

Second how do you find someone without going into the party scene?

Why is the party scene bad for a newbie

The questions are similar enough that I will answer second question, regarding finding someone, first. To begin with, each option carries a degree of risk that can be managed if enough thought is put into the meeting and safety is considered. This does not mean it will be 100% safe or be uneventful. Instead it means careful planning can improve safety and increase the chance of having an enjoyable experience.

When looking for a threesome probably the worst place you can look is the party scene. The party scene can involve drugs and alcohol making a horrible combination for a threesome. Also, the party scene is not the best place for a couple just starting out because it requires communication and decisions being made very quickly. It is not impossible for someone to be successful at a party but like anything else, some learning needs to occur. By not having some experience, cues can be missed or misinterpreted. As a result it can lead to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, or breaching an agreed boundary. In my opinion, unless the couple knows someone who will act as a guide for them then it is better for them to develop their threesome skills before trying a party.

Swingers Clubs

Swingers club does offer a better option. There are variety of sources for finding a swingers club. Most swingers clubs because of alcohol licensing laws and adult entertainment law are BYOB (Bring your own bottle).  Meaning they do not serve alcohol and tend to have strict rules regarding drug use. Depending on the club, they can be a very welcoming and supportive place for a couple just starting out.

Nonetheless, swingers clubs are expensive. Costs can include buying the right dress since many clubs will not allow jeans and sneakers. If you live in a rural, sparsely populated area, or in the suburbs driving may become a factor. In very sparsely populated areas driving time to travel to to a club may be several hours. Finally a swingers club, like a party, requires solid social skills that need to be learned.

Online

Dating Websites and Threesome Websites

Many couples take their introduction into the world of wife sharing and group sex by going slower while protecting your privacy is using an online dating web site. that provide several advantages.

• Allows creating an alias to protect identity and to limit information being provided
• Replies can be screened
• Speed of reply is set by the member.
• Provides a medium to ask questions
• A greater opportunity for communication and a greater opportunity for global discussions about taking the ‘plunge’ into having a threesome.
• Greater control
• More opportunity to communicate with the potential third person

In essence, it gives you to control about who you speak with and the speed at which you develop enough information to decide if having a threesome with the individual is practical.

A major drawback can be the expense along with the time needed. This is especially true if the search includes a single bisexual female, sometimes called a unicorn. A second drawback is people tend to create an online facade and it will take some time in order to break through that facade in order to understand the real person and once you meet them they may not be the person whom they say they are.

Amateur Photo Sites

Along with or as an alternative to using a sites designed for threesomes are amateur photo sites. Similar rules apply for creating an alias but on these sites it is better if you do not advertise you are looking for a threesome. Generally speaking using an amateur photo web site is a great choice if you are wanting a soft-swing experience by using photos or having a web cam experience.

These sites tend to create a voyeur experience and it may mean you have to invest a bit more time since the individual may think you are trying to create a threesome fantasy for them instead of a real experience. Plus you may have to spend some extra time doing some vetting and building up a relationship to have a threesome because individuals tend to want the fantasy of having a threesome instead of actually having one.

Holiday Vacation

Third option might be having a threesome while on holiday / vacation. This is an excellent option if privacy is an issue, job is an issue, or if developing feelings for the third person will become an issue. By having a threesome while away will protect your privacy, limit involvement, and can lower resistance to the idea since the risk of someone finding out is low.

The drawback to this option is the expense involved because such an option requires traveling several hundred or several thousand miles for this option to be effective.

Cellular Mobile Phone Applications

Fourth option as technology changes there are more options to find someone outside of the normal channels. I am reading some sites are developing apps for phones. Since these apps or still either in development or in their infancy it is very difficult to comment on them. The only thing I will say at this moment is be careful in regard to safety and security. This means doing your research on the app before installing it.

In answer to the second question of how to find someone without using the party scene? There are least four ways to be discrete about finding the third person. The choice comes down to your level of comfort, the risk you are willing to take, the expense, and which method best fits your needs.

Second question how to approach the third person without offending them?

Approaching someone regarding a threesome is at a minimum anxiety provoking and at the worse it can be deathly frightening because of degree of emotional vulnerability. This means in order to have a threesome you need to be gregarious and confident. A couple that is socially awkward may find themselves may miss opportunities because they are too afraid to say anything because they are afraid offending the other person or fear being rejected. If having a threesome important enough then becoming outgoing enough to let the other know your boundaries, preferences, and dislikes will happen.

The secret is following basic rules of etiquette, communicate, and be a gracious host. Spend time listening to the third person instead of talking too much or trying too hard. If time is taken to observe while listening and responding accordingly then there is little that will offend the third person.

With that said, having a threesome requires trust, communication, and a willingness to explore; this normally leads to a relaxation of social rules to allow a discussion regarding the threesome. Also it allows each person’s social guard to be lowered thereby allowing for sharing to occur. In the event a couple can be good socially then things ideally should fine.

What does this mean for the couple? If they are in a situation where it is implied the meeting is a threesome / group sex then it is implied the reason why everyone is there is to have sex. However if it is more intimate such as arranging a meeting to discuss the idea then the discussion needs to be a bit more delicate especially if the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest in having a threesome. In a situation where the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest then the best way is to be direct about their interest. Alluding to the idea or using euphemisms will only lead to confusion thereby making having a threesome difficult.

Final Thought

In answering the second question, the best way not to offend the third person is to be open and honest about your needs. This means being assertive and  not doing something that makes you uncomfortable in order to please the third person. It may also mean finding situations where it is assumed that people are looking for a group sex experience like a threesome thereby removing some of the uncertainty regarding if the third person is seeking a similar experience.

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• FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)
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