How to make a fantasy come true: My interview with Erika Foxx


Today, I am announcing my first author interview with erotic author Erika Foxx. Some may know her as the author of such books as a Behind Him All the WayWaking Up Book 1: Dex and Tasia’s Erotic Adventures. or the timeless classic Taste for Kyle. I cannot be any happier since the interview comes a few weeks before the holidays and it gives my readers a chance to buy themselves something special or help to cut down their shopping list of gifts to buy. Even if you do not buy a book it is a great opportunity to learn more about an author who writes about making sexual fantasies coming true.

As for my reason for doing this interview, I feel, Erika Foxx is a talented author whose writing interest is very similar to the topics on this site and I feel Taste for Kyle, Taste for Jackson and Taste for Four are stories that go the heart of topics here. I believe, by doing this interview it will help my readers discover the world of erotic literature and what better way to ease into the conversation of having a threesome then by giving a book?

When will this interview occur? The interview will go live on 6 December 2014 shortly after midnight GMT or shortly after 16:00 Pacific Time on Friday 5 December 2014 in the United States.

If there is a question you want to ask Erika Foxx please use the below form. Otherwise I hope to see you here where the interview goes live.

First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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First time? 10 things I should I expect


threesome experienceFirst time drawing near?

Having your first threesome is a lot like riding a bike for the first time without training wheels or your first kiss. It is is a lasting experience that will create a lasting impression. So, the question that is probably lurking, what should I expect from my first threesome?

Unlike twenty years ago or even a few years ago having a threesome is more accepted. However a lot of unbiased information does not exist. Too often talk shows, news, and even friends present a myopic image of the experience. There are a lot of reasons as to why this occurs, such as money, a point to be made, or to attract viewers. Whatever the reason, the experience gets missed in favor of glamorizing it.

1) Reality of having a threesome or cuckold is not like porn, television, or the movies.

Having a threesome experience or cuckold experience involves real people and real feelings with real consequences. Once you begin the process of exploring the idea your relationship will forever change. Expect to feel a variety of emotions, thoughts and feelings over a period of time. It is easy to react to them but do not. Allow a significant amount of time to pass and talk about your feelings before making any decision that may have long reaching consequences. Remember this reality and there is no magical way to reverse time to a point before having the experience.

2) Performance anxiety happens

Expectations can be built up  leading to stress that can lead to performance related issues. Performance anxiety shows up in many different ways:

Men:

  • In ability to become erect or maintain an erection
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Hesitation or reluctance
  • Nervousness, anxiety, withdrawing, or emotional

Women:

  • Lack of response
  • Unable to lubricate or maintain being wet
  • Emotional and / or withdrawing

Best way to minimize the effect of performance related issues is to limit expectations, keep realistic expectations, and communicate about issues as they occur.

3) Change

Everyday we learn something new, we grow from our experience and it is foolish to believe we do not change. By having a threesome, you will be introducing a lot of change to the relationship in a very short amount of time. Some change will occur very rapid. Changes that are likely to occur include:

  • As a couple the way you communicate
  • Attitude towards each other
  • How you view and relate to your spouse / partner
  • Beliefs towards relationships, marriage, and life
  • Feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

It is important to remember wanting a threesome or cuckold is a life changing experience that will have far-reaching effects. Therefore, it is important to be cautious and to remember your spouse / partner are also going through a similar experience even though they may not be showing the behaviors.

4) Different Starting and ending points

Having a threesome in some ways is like a sprint. Everyone starts at difference places but ends at the point. In a journey to have a threesome, everyone begins their journey with preconceived ideas based on beliefs and experiences. Once the journey begins and the idea of swinging is explored the idea becomes more tangible. This can lead to changes whereby the individual who initially brought-up the idea may become more calculating because the idea is no longer pure fantasy and an element of reality is entering. Likewise someone who may be reluctant and starts understanding the possibilities may become eager. It is therefore possible each person who begins this journey may find they undergo a transformation.

5) The third person

Swinging can have a far reaching effect on the individual and the relationship. Choosing the right third person is paramount in ensuring continuity, before and after the experience, and preserving the relationship. Also choosing the right third person can enhance the experience and make it a very caring experiencing

So, how do you find the right third person? The is a temptation, when starting out, to choose a friend or a co-worker. On the surface the choice appears logical. However choosing someone well known brings its own set of issues. Whilst it is impossible to speculate on every possible scenario, one thing is clear sometimes choosing someone that is unknown can be a better choice.

There is no guarantee any route you choose to find a third person will work. The best route, I believe, is method that uses all of the tools available to you. This includes using online sites asking questions and meeting the individual before any activity happens. It does not have to be a several month process of asking in depth questions and developing a close friendship. Instead it can be relatively brief to develop trust and feel confident the third person has your best interest at heart.

6) Nothing can be prepare you for the night

The day finally arrives. A mixture of feelings happen. Anxiety, fear, and the elation only to find the need to remain calm. Then a few hours before meeting the third person trying on several pieces of clothing happens and getting your hair just right. She looks beautiful and you begin looking at it as a night that will be remembered.

After a bit of socializing the discussion turns to sex. At first a few jokes get made, then the discussion becomes a bit more serious before discovering you have reached the point of no return. Everybody heads to the bedroom she undresses before laying on the bed. Soon everyone is naked and for a few minutes it is a very erotic experience.

Soon kissing, touching, and intimacy begins. All of the discussion and preparation culminates into this experience. There is a feeling of surrealism that fills the room. At first you soak in the experience but soon your beliefs begin to become challenged. It is almost as though something has overtaken your body. Your responses feel as though it is someone else in control. In some ways it is liberating because this is a feeling that has never been experienced and other ways it is frightening since it is easy to lose control.

Soon he enters your wife and a flood of emotions hit. Now there is no turning back and your relationship has forever been changed. She lays there, appearing to enjoy it. Her reaction makes you frightened and shatters everything you know of her.

7) Did it happen?

Having a threesome means accepting change will occur. After the threesome expect a lot of change to happen. Expect as the thrill wears off that there may be feelings of mourning, anger, and feelings of distance. This is normal. A lot has happened prior, during, and after the threesome. Now it is time for your mind to work through all of it.

During this time it is important to discuss feelings and the experience. This means do not shut your spouse out but use them as a resource. Having a threesome can be a powerful force that brings couples together if they are willing to work together instead of driving them away.

8) We will have another threesome?

It is good that you consider the idea and think about your experience. Most couples who have threesomes do not live a threesome lifestyle. Instead they may have an occasional, maybe a few in their relationship, and maybe they will only have one. The answer to that question depends on time and on the experience.

9) No one will know

After having a threesome it is possible to feel that everyone knows your secret. Most likely the only ones who know are the third person, your spouse, and you. It is unlikely others will know unless you were in public, you are well known, or you are upfront about having threesomes. In most situations, people are too afraid to ask or by ‘outting‘ they are also telling on themselves. This means in many circumstances no one will know unless you tell them.

10) Long-term implications

It is impossible to know the outcome when you begin your journey. If you approach having a threesome with love, trust, and caring for the participants then it is realistic to expect a positive outcome. Even if the initial experience is bad, in time, you may find the experience was beneficial or positive. Regardless of your initial feelings a threesome that has gone will can increase happiness, satisfaction, and communication in a relationship.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

Watching my wife having sex with someone else

Threesome positions

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The Cuckolding Fetish: When Your Wife’s Cheating Turns You On


A very well written poignant piece regarding cuckolding and relationships.

Nonetheless the author makes two points that I do not completely agree with. First point, is the implied link between cuckolding and cheating. I understand the author is addressing how cheating can be arousing and the spark the reignites a relationship. Nonetheless, I do not believe cuckolding is cheating and I believe they are two entirely separate activities.

Second point is linking cuckolding with BDSM. Regular followers will know, I do accept some cuckolding does fall under the BDSM banner but I do believe there is a second form of cukolding, ‘couples cuckolding,’ that falls outside of the traditional definition of cuckolding.

Anyone who is wanting more information on cuckolding or wanting another perspective on relationships will not be disappointed reading this article.

 

The Cuckolding Fetish: When Your Wife’s Cheating Turns You On.

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint


IMG_8802Introduction

Imagine an event that brought a lot of possibilities, such as a job interview. The thoughts of a better life because of the experience and being able to join the company made you believe you could join a select group.  However one thing stood in the way, achieving the goal. Realizing the event is still a dream brought another feeling that felt like carrying a 50lb weight while trying to sprint to the finish line. Knowing a well deserved reward was within reach, nothing else mattered,except experiencing the joy that comes with such an event.

In many ways, having a threesome can bring wonderment and possibilities. It is very easy to focus on the finish-line, having a threesome instead of focusing on the road ahead.

Give it time

Bringing up the idea of having a threesome can be met with a variety of reactions from ending the relationship to a mutual agreement to have a threesome. Preparation for the discussion and projecting confidence in desiring a threesome are essential for the discussion.  Approaching the conversation should not be done a sprint, whereby agreement is made to have a threesome followed by a drive down to the bar to find someone. Instead of reacting to the ‘heat of the moment,’ thought should be given planning the threesome and ensure everyone has a common understanding. This usually means there is a pause in the conversation.

Allowing a pause, as it relates to the discussion of a threesomes, we are always learning from our experiences and as we have more experiences our views of the world change. This does not always means an initial ‘no’ will automatically change to a ‘yes.’ Instead it means giving time to process the suggestion and giving them time to view the suggestion in context of new experiences. This may lead to softening of their position and it can mean the subject can be re-approached.

Exercise to try

To see the impact a pause can have, including yourself. The next time you are having a casual conversation, pause and do not say a word. Alternatively if you are not comfortable trying this then try to think of a time when you had a conversation and there was a pause? What is your feeling? Do you feel, as though you have to say something? What about the other person? Do they feel uncomfortable with it? How does it resolve itself?

A pause in a conversation can be awkward leaving us to find a way to restart the conversation and get beyond that awkward feeling without realizing the pause may be beneficial. This is true with any conversation regardless if the pause is a few seconds or a few years. By understanding how a pause can effect you can help in handling the discussion of a threesome and possibly persuade them to have a threesome.

Conclusion

Pause in a conversation is natural but is can be unnerving. When it does it occur it is important to let the conversation begin naturally instead of trying to restart it because it feels unnatural to keep the pause. Discussing a threesome should be seen as a marathon instead of sprint. By allowing the conversation to begin naturally it signifies thought has been given to the topic of having a threesome and it can mean it reaching an agreement might be easier. Should the outcome be there is no agreement on having a threesome then it is best to let the pause return and love your partner / spouse for who they are instead of what they can give you.

 

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3 – being confident


IMG_8702Introduction

Think of a time in your life where the outcome was not known but before the event some preparation occurred. For many of us, finals at university or preparing for a job interview are examples. Now ask yourself, “did I feel confident?” Mostly there was nervousness from fear of the unknown but there was also an underlying confidence of that came from preparing.  The confidence that came from preparing made it possible to work through being confronted with the unknown and being able to get through the experience.

In many ways persuading them to have a threesome is akin to preparing for finals at university or preparing for a job interview. Why do I use these analogies? Your partner / spouse will be wanting answers and gauging your response. If you were considering the idea of having what will persuade you more, a partner / spouse that was uncomfortable with the idea or a spouse / partner that is confident? How do you develop the confidence to persuade your spouse / partner to have a threesome?

Getting comfortable with idea

Having a threesome means having an experience that is out of the realm of experiences for about 80% – 95% of adults. At the heart of a threesome, involves having someone on watch while the other engages sexually with someone else. By not previously having this experience it may mean the impact of introducing someone else and then having sex with them maybe underestimated.

So, if you never had the experience and group sex experience is out the range of human experience, how do you get comfortable? There are some good free sites, besides this one, that can offer support.  A good starting point are Reditt’s cuckold  and swingers community. Also Society for Human Sexuality’s web site offers a good introduction to the topic but the one drawback it focuses on swinging as lifestyle instead of an experience. Another good free site includes Yahoo! Answers and Groups United States site. Finally there are some books that can help with the subject.

Another aspect involves communicating with a third person on a very intimate level and being present when it occurs. This runs contrary to what all of us have been taught about monogamy and relationships. Talking, flirting, and intimate touching can be unnerving to watch when it involves someone you love interacting intimately with someone else.

The above gives you information regarding what it may be like having a threesome and the information comes from other peoples’ experiences. Next step involves using that information and formulating what it may be like. Then from there it is deciding what a threesome could be like. Once you have enough information it means asking yourself, “is having a threesome with my spouse /partner something I want?”

Think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs

It may seem counter intuitive to think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs instead of your own. Having a threesome is much more than the physical act of sharing bodily fluids among three people. It is a journey for a couple and a communication exercise. This means understanding where the relationship is, where it is going, and understanding the impact of a threesome. Essentially it means thinking the idea through before suggesting it and before speaking with them it is important to think:

  • What will they get from having a threesome?
  • How will it impact them?
  • What will be their fears?
  • What will they like about the experience?
  • How will it impact your relationship?
  • How will it impact your ability to interact and support them?

The above are some of the questions that need considering before discussing the idea and as you discuss the idea with them. By going through this exercise it will help you better understand discussing having a threesome goes beyond the needs of an individual but the needs of everyone involved.

Putting it together

Discussing the idea of having a threesome can be fraught with issues. Nonetheless, during the discussions your partner / spouse will be surmising, trying to determine your level of confidence and motivation for suggesting the idea. If your partner / spouse feels you ulterior motives  or if your spouse / partner feels you are looking for conflict then it is likely the discussion can spiral into conflict.

One method of trying to avoid conflict and have an open discussion about the idea of having a threesome involves speaking being confident. This means thinking through the idea, understanding what is involved, and being able to openly discuss the idea without resorting to manipulation.

By understanding what may occur in a threesome, understanding how it relates to your situation, and then communicating those ideas can build confidence in your partner that having a threesome might be the right idea.

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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How to plan and manage a threesome using a check list


ready for cuckoldingUsing the check-list

Below is a generic checklist meant to guide couples in planning their first threesome. It is not meant to be a comprehensive checking list covering every possible outcome. Instead it recognizes that every threesome takes its own journey and happens at its own speed. Thereby some steps may occur together or not at all. The overall purpose of the list is meant is serving as a reminder of activities that need to occur and there is no guarantee by following the list it will produce an uneventful threesome.

Finally, there are four parts to the checklist: pre-searching, searching, threesome, and post threesome. Pre-searching regards activities prior to searching for the third person. Searching regards activities during the searching phase. Threesome regards activities when narrowing the list and making the decision to invite through the planning the threesome. Finally the post threesome regards activities to work through any issues that may occur.

Pre-search

  1. Initial discussion
  2. Begin understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome
  3. Discussion regarding expectations, potential issues, and risks
  4. Discussion what it will be like watching / having sex in front of your partner
  5. Discussion regarding boundaries
  6. Discussion regarding issues such as dealing with jealousy
  7. Defining cheating
  8. What activities are explicitly off-limits
  9. Safety – personal & sexual
  10. What needs to be communicated and to what extent
  11. Privacy – how much information to reveal and how will information be protected
  12. Where to have the threesome
  13. Who to invite / type of person
  14. When to have the threesome
  15. Division of Labor – Who is responsible for example: posting ads, reviewing replies, arranging meeting etc.
  16. How the search will occur
  17. Determining the criteria for scaling back the interested males / females
  18. Role play / simulating the threesome

Searching

  1. Writing the ad for web sites
  2. How do you, as a couple, identify time wasters
  3. Speaking with a potential third person
  4. Does an interest exist?
  5. If agreement is to ask a friend / co-worker then arrange to speak with them
  6. Sort through replies, identify those of interest, and politely respond back with ‘sorry but not interested’
  7. Agree you have found a potential third person
  8. Arrange an initial meeting with the third person

Threesome

  1. Review boundaries and ensure the two of you have the same understanding.
  2. Communicate boundaries to third person
  3. Make final arrangements for the threesome including a signal / word that indicates it should not happen.
  4. Manage feelings
  5. Enjoy

Post-Threesome

  1. Face the realities of the decision
  2. Debrief
  3. Work through any issues before having another threesome

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2 – separating emotional sex and physical sex


A-IMG_8560Introduction

From the time our first sex-ed lesson, there is one consistent message and that message is, to have sex you need to love the person.  The message teaches a good lesson about caring, respect, and treating others as equals. It provides the right direction for future relationships. Nonetheless the message also misses three important points.

First the act of sex does not need feelings, only a place. Having feelings for someone else is vital when establishing a long-term relationship for having a family and companionship. The issue of feelings also implies vulnerability, risk of being hurt, and a complex social interaction to develop them then support them. and

Second point, there is nothing wrong having sex for physical enjoyment provided all participants can consent. Having sex for physical enjoyment can be an uncomplicated experience if everyone from the beginning understands the intention and expectation of the encounter.

Third point, the message implies by having sex with someone you love then you will not get hurt.  Getting hurt, means, making the wrong choice about having sex and choosing the wrong person.

Threesomes and feelings

Depending on the type of threesomes be sought, feelings can complicate it. For soft-swinging and a general threesome focusing on pleasure instead of feelings is paramount. If couples approach having a threesome as though they are dating the third person then feelings begin entering into the equation and increasing the risk a damaging outcome will occur. In these situation the ability to enjoy the experience without becoming attached to the third person can happen.

A couple can still be monogamous and have a threesome

It is important to understand there are two parts to monogamy, physical and emotional. Arguably, very few people can claim they are physically monogamous. Physically monogamy means being physically monogamous to one person and depending on the definition, it is possible if you have more than one partner in your lifetime then you are not truly physically monogamous.

This leads to the next part emotional monogamy. Emotional monogamy, I believe, is the core to most relationships. If a couple can keep up their feelings for each other while keeping their feelings for others under control then, I believe, a couple can support their emotional monogamy. For some couples not being emotional monogamous works but for this article, I will focus on keeping feelings separate.

Concurring the monogamy hurdle

Probably the biggest barrier in having a threesome is resolving the idea of cheating. There is no universal definition of cheating. Some definitions are very restrictive that includes a mere thought of someone else other than your spouse as cheating. Having a restrictive definition makes having a threesome nearly impossible and will need some change.

When we were having our threesomes our definition of cheating was quite simple, before the threesome we agree that we would not hold it against the other and we agree there was no cheating was occurring, as long as we kept to our boundaries. By discussing the idea of cheating, monogamy, and what it can mean for the relationship, it can help by progressing the idea of having threesome.

Change the view

Until a couple can accept there are at least two types of sex. Physical sex for pure enjoyment and without forming a relationship with someone else. The second type is emotional sex. This type of sex is shared between two people who care about each other and seek a long-term commitment.

Granted in a relationship each type of sex does occur. Moreover if a threesome is to occur a couple must understand by having physical sex with someone else can mean the relationship can stay intact and it can also mean the changes for the better. Essentially, a couple will have to change their view about sex and relationship.

How to persuade them to have a threesome?

There is no formula, except trial and error. A lot of being able to persuade your partner comes from having a loving stable relationship and understanding their needs. On the journey to have a threesome, it is important your partner understand your feelings for them will not change and having physical sex with someone else will not destroy the relationship.

A lot of how they react will depend on the relationship, their personal beliefs and their experiences. Only by discussing issues such as cheating or the difference between physical and emotional sex can a step towards having a threesome occur. By being patient, willing to openly discuss the topic and giving all the time necessary for the threesome to occur can the journey actually happen. Finally remember there are no guarantees to have a threesome but only to love your partner for who they are, not what they can give you.

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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How to persuade them have a threesome: Secret #1- nice to have versus must have


Searching for the answerIntroduction

Many of us have an interest in trying a threesome for a variety of reasons. It might be desiring to throw away the shackles that society places on us about monogamy. For others it might be wanting to explore the limits of their relationship or to give their partner with something, that a monogamous relationship cannot bring them. In some cases having a threesome might be on their ‘bucket list’ of things to do. Whatever the reason the first step is agreeing to have a threesome.

How do you convince your partner to have a threesome?

A very common question that gets asked, “how do I convince him / her to have a threesome?” The simple answer if they are not interested then do not waste your time trying to convince them. Short of a complete refusal there are a few points to consider and in the coming weeks, I will be writing about some of the secrets of trying to move the conversation about having a threesome to a point where it is agreeable.

Nice to have versus Must Have

Must Have

As humans beings we all have needs to feel secure and having a threesome is no different. At the most basic level, for any us to feel secure in a threesome we must have our basic needs met and this is sometimes called a ‘must have.’ A must have, from a threesome perspective, are tangible and  integrable items we need to have a threesome. This might be:

  • Having the threesome as a one-off
  • Avoiding some intimate contact with the third person (e.g. kissing)
  • Being present
  • Seeing communication
  • Safe-sex practices

Nice to Have

‘Must have’ forms a part of the boundary for the couple and the threesome to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas a ‘nice to have’ is something that can make the threesome enjoyable but it is not necessary for it to happen. An example might be:

  • Kissing
  • Bareback
  • Same-sex contact

Moving the conversation forward

The first step in moving toward a threesome involve reaching an agreement about the boundary of the threesome. In order to reach the first agreement understanding your partner’s need is vital. Only by negotiating  the nice to have, discussing your vision of the threesome and then finding a common area whereby each of you can agree. In order to do this, it will mean being open to different possibilities.

Secret #1 – How does having ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’ help in having a threesome?

Having a threesome mean being open-minded about possibilities and keeping your ‘must haves’ in order to feel secure in the threesome. By understanding why the ‘must haves’ are necessary will help ease further conversations about needs from a threesome. Then at some point the conversation will change to ‘nice to have’ in the threesome and this becomes the area for negotiating to reach the threesome. Only by communicating and understanding needs will a couple be able to move toward having their first threesome.

Other Articles of Interest

Universal Boundaries

Boundaries

Unless you ask, how do I know you want a threesome?

Moving beyond the initial discussion

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

Follow me on tubmblr

 

Is having a threesome necessary for cuckolding?


Peter Fendi, 1835

 

Is threesome experience necessary for cuckolding?

 

What is about cuckolding that draws us towards it? Is it giving control to someone else? Could it be incorporating a third person? It could having your partner coming home after being ‘filled’ by another guy and the relationship dynamics around it?  Maybe it is an activity that is not well known and it has an air of mystery around it? Whatever the reason it is something that attracts some couples and it raises the question, what is the best way to have your first cuckold experience?

 

As I prepared myself to write this, I thought to myself, is there a difference between having your first couple cuckolding or cuckolding experience? At first I thought, yes and I prepared to write why I believed this was the situation. Then I realized regardless of the path the result is the same, one partner having sex with someone else. This brought me back to an underlying theme in my writing, advocating any couple considering cuckolding should have a threesome experience together.

 

For a couple that is just starting their journey into the world of group sex, it is difficult to anticipate the feelings involved, communication required and every potential outcome. There is a lot of effort that goes into having a threesome and much more work is required for a cuckold. Understanding what is required for a cuckold, I believe, means having some group sex experience (e.g. soft-swinging, threesome, foursome, etc)

 

Most of us would not buy a home without doing some research, viewing other homes, and then making a decision of buying the home that best suits our needs. Likewise the same principle applies to cuckolding. Blindly entering cuckolding without understanding what is involved, at a minimum is risky and at its worse it can lead to a negative life altering change.

 

The is an argument even if the couple experiences a threesome together, it will not fully prepare them for a cuckold. Cuckolding involves more than having a threesome. It involves a deeper level of trust, a commitment to the relationship, and requires the couple having a more evolved form of communication. This means there is an experience gap between having a threesome and a cuckold; however the gap is much greater for someone who has never had a group sex experience and is trying a cuckold for their first time.

 

Does this mean if a couple never has a group sex experience their cuckold experience is doomed to fail? No, since there is no way to predict if a threesome, group sex experience, or a cuckold will fail. Nonetheless this author is advocating by having a group sex experience together, they are better able to gauge if a cuckold will work for them and better understand the potential issues they may face. By understanding the challenges a couple can make a more informed decision and make better plans in order to minimize any potential damage a cuckold may cause. Finally to answer the question, is having a threesome necessary for cuckolding? The answer is no but this author believes, it better prepares the couple for their cuckolding experience.