Erika Foxx Interview

Introduction

I want to take the time to thank Erika Foxx for taking the time in answering my questions. Also, I hope you will find her interview interesting and finally hope this interview will introduce you to a new erotic author that is worth following.

Meet Erika Foxx

My favorite stories are always the ones that have characters that I can relate to, and they’re in some situation that makes them believable people that somehow tests their love, or causes them to fall in love. And then hopefully along the way they end up having passionate, hot sex! And those are the kinds of books I like to write, too!

I remember the first time I realized that my mind was such a powerful source of arousal. I was sitting in the grass studying during my first year of college with a girl that was taking the same class. She kept pointing out the hot, shirtless guys walking by, muttering things that I thought “good” girls would never say! And then she said something that has stuck with me to this day…”He’s my fantasy for tonight, Erika.” I must have looked like she was speaking in a foreign language and she asked, “Don’t you ever fantasize about hot guys like that?” I felt my cheeks flush and I shook my head ‘no’ because I really never HAD fantasized like that…yet 😉

After that day, I began to think about guys and sex in ways I never had done before. Since then, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve had a lot of “fantasy” nights with some of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen. But nothing ever can take the place of a warm body 😉

Fortunately for me, my high school sweetheart came back into my life about this time. I not only got to fantasize about him before we eventually got married, but now I get to fantasize WITH him, too! We are madly in love, and he is so supportive of my writing. And over time, I found my muse for writing erotica. And she’s a very naughty, slutty woman!

In our free time we love spending time together outdoors hiking and camping and bike riding, and we enjoy spoiling our two Yorkies.

Briefly tell us about your childhood? Where did you grow? Was there an inspirational adult figure when growing up?

I was just a typical, boring middle class kid growing up. I grew up in the upper Midwest in the U.S. in a very small town. My grandparents were very inspirational to me growing up. They always encouraged me in everything I did.

What is a happy memory from childhood?

Christmas time gave me some of my favorite memories, mostly from family and friends getting together to play games, talk and just enjoy spending time together.

What was school like for you? How far did you go in your education?

I was quite the little nerd in school, and I loved being one of the smartest kids in the school. I was always the good kid, never getting in trouble for anything.

I continued on with my education after high school, ultimately through graduate school.

Tell us something that we may not know about you?

It might surprise you given my avocation in writing erotica, but I was a virgin until my wedding night. That’s not to say I hadn’t participated in some other forms of sex play, though!

Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who? Tells us about it? Did it change you?

I’ve never met anyone famous ;( …yet!

Who, either living or dead, inspires you?

It’s not one single person really, more of a ‘class’ of people.   Anyone that goes after their dreams and never lets anything stop them is always inspirational.

Has a book ever impacted you? If so, what book? How did it impact you? What did you do differently after reading it?

Yes, most definitely! Believe it or not, it was Steven King’s book On Writing. I had read a few of his books, and I marvelled at how good a story teller he is. Whether you like his genre or not, the man knows how to weave a great tale! So when I read On Writing, I was taken with his thought on how stories are like archaeological digs, and that a writer’s job is to excavate the story and put flesh on the buried bones. After reading that, I paid much more attention to my characters and I “unearthed” their stories instead of trying to impose on them what I thought they should be doing or saying. In other words, I followed them around and started writing down what they did.

The other thing I learned from that book was the idea that I needed to find my muse. And I’ve discovered that mine is a pretty naughty girl…really a slut, to be honest. I fought her for a long time, being the “good” girl. But she wouldn’t stop making my character want to do dirty things to each other, and that bothered me for a long time. I couldn’t make sense of where it was coming from. When I read that book, I realized that I should start using her as an asset instead of a liability! When I let her loose, boy did my stories take a decidedly erotic turn!

Are you currently writing anything? Can you share an overview of the story? Do you have a target release date?

Yes, I’m currently working on the first book of what I hope to expand into a series. It’s a story of a young Victorian-era maid that has been released from her duties, and she is being secreted away to the employ of another, more demanding lord because of an unseemly ‘incident’. The story is my first in the BDSM realm, and I plan to publish the first book sometime in January 2015.

How long have you been writing?

Since high school. I got started when I took a class in creative writing, and I was hooked. I wrote a lot of romantic stuff, and it was fun but it was pretty bad, to be honest.

How often do you write? How long do you write?

My goal is to always write something every day, but to be honest I really end up writing in fits and starts. I’ve found that if I sit down to write every day, and my muse is being the slutty bitch she can be, I’ll just write garbage because I’m writing for the sake of writing and not for unearthing the story. If the characters don’t want me to follow them, it’s kind of hard to do that!

So, when those moments come around, I’ll spend time writing tweets for my followers on Twitter and spend some time researching what I’m writing at the time. Right now, it’s BDSM and I’m finding it both arousing and interesting. I’m not sure if it’s something I’d like to try personally, but you never know!

As far as how long I write, it depends. If the characters are demanding me to follow them, I’ll write until they stop leading me around. The longest session I can remember was about twelve hours.

How did you start out in writing?

As I mentioned earlier, I took a creative writing course in high school—the first of many! But just over a year ago, I decided to try publishing some of my stories on Amazon.

Where do you find your inspiration for writing?

I get inspiration in some of the strangest situations. I might be shopping and see an attractive couple arm-in-arm, and BOOM! My muse throws this vision of the couple into my mind, and they’re now naked and she’s leading him along by his huge, erect cock. That might become a scene later on in a story.

Sometimes it’s a photo, or a movie, or even a book. When I really find myself needing inspiration, or if I’m stuck with something and I really feel the urge to write something erotic, I’ll find some random porn clip online and write a description of the sex I’m watching. It feels like priming a pump, and then things start to flow. It’s also a good way to find new ways of describing sex.

How do you come up with your stories?

I’m also a reader of erotica, romance novels and all kinds of other good fiction, and that feeds my imagination and story ideas. I don’t know how it happens, but an idea will just seem to form in my mind. It’s usually a character that starts telling me a story, and it just seems to flow from that. I keep a journal for writing down plot and story ideas, just so I don’t forget them.

How much time a week or a month do you spend writing?

I try to write a minimum of four to six hours per week, with my goal being at least an hour every day. Maybe I’m not as anal about that as I should be, but I like writing to be organic for me.

All of the books you have written, which one is your favorite? Why?

My favorite is “A Taste for Kylie.” I loved writing her, probably because she’s a lot like me. She’s got a prim and proper side, but deep down she’s hiding a strong sexual urge. And she’s got a deep love for her husband and her marriage, and will do anything to keep that love and romance alive.

Your books seem to touch on the subject of making fantasies come true, have you ever have a fantasy come true?

I have, yes. I had always wanted to make love outdoors, and one weekend while hiking I finally convinced my hubby to give it a try! It took some convincing with my tongue, but he gave in and we had some of the best sex we’ve ever had!

Your books seem to touch on the subject of doing something taboo. Have you ever done anything taboo?

I’ve never done anything in reality that would be considered taboo, but I’ve done some pretty raunchy things in my mind that might land me in jail if I ever really did them!

What is the easiest part of writing for you?

It didn’t start out that way, but writing dialog is the easiest for me. I just listen to the characters and write down what they say! It’s usually how I start a story, with the dialog. I find it easier to add the rest after I know what they’ve said.

What is the most difficult part of writing?

Facing a blank screen. When your characters stop talking or doing anything, it’s the most lonely and frustrating feeling in the world.

What is the biggest writing challenge you have faced?

For me, it’s making the time to write. Perhaps someday if I decide to pursue being published by a publisher, it’d be deadlines.

How do you come up with your characters?

Honestly, I don’t know how they suddenly form in my head, but that’s how it happens. It’s almost like watching a fog start to materialize into a human form in my mind, complete with facial features and body type and hair and eyes and personality. Sometimes it happens instantly, and sometimes it can take days.

If there is one character you can choose to say is your favorite who would you choose? Why?

Again, my favorite character to date is Kylie McCann from my interracial ménage series, but I’m really starting to like a character I’m writing now for the Victorian-era BDSM series I’m writing. She’s also a lot like me in some ways.

What character has been the most difficult to develop, write? Why?

It’s one I’m writing about now for my new series. He’s the lord of the new manor that my maid character has been sent to, and he’s dark and brooding and won’t let me get inside his head very easily. But I’m working him!

Do you try to put a message in your books? If so, what do you believe it is? How would the reader know the message?

The only strong message I have how the power of a strong relationship is very erotic. When people are hopelessly in love and would do anything to give pleasure to each other, in whatever form, I think that’s so sexy. And I try to incorporate that in some way in the stories I write. In my short-short series “The Erotic Adventures of Dex and Tasia,” the two of them are madly in love with each other, but they find such erotic joy in making the other happy. Even when Tasia wants Dex to have sex with another man, he obliges because he knows it’s going to make her happy. That kind of love makes me melt!

Do you have a recurring symbolism or a motif?

No symbolism, but I do like building sexual tension between the characters in the stories I write. I guess that would qualify as a motif!

How do you use conflict in telling the story?

For my short-shorts, the only conflict is that the characters want to come, period. I wrote them as quickies for readers that want something short and sweet and arousing to read.

But for my other stories, definitely. Let’s face it, nobody wants to read a book about characters that are perfect and never have any problems in life or obstacles to overcome. So I try to use conflict when it seems like things are going to smoothly in my stories. Sometimes I’ll go back after I’ve written for a while and realize I’m reading a fairy tale. In that case, I’ll try to find a wedge point that I can stick in some kind of trouble or problem, or another character even. Something to upset the apple cart.

As a writer, it’s fun to add those conflicts and see how the characters react.

I did that in my recent book, “Behind Him All The Way.” A happily married couple has been having a pre-arranged “fun night” of sexual exploration to keep their sex life hot. The wife is conflicted about the suggestion by her girlfriend to try pegging her husband, and there’s some wonderful conflict and tension between the husband and wife when he’s confronted by his beautiful wife adorned with a huge rubber strap-on cock.

Advice

Can you share any advice for anyone considering self-publishing?

Sure, and remember that this is coming from someone that’s only been self-publishing for about a year. I’m still learning more every day!

It’s really quite easy today for anyone to write anything and sell it on Amazon or Smashwords or Barnes & Noble. In fact it’s downright simple, and you can even pay people to get everything formatted and ready for a very small fee. If all you want to do is say you’ve got a book for sale on Amazon, no problem.

But if you want to earn a living as a self-published writer, be ready to spend some significant time and money in advertising and marketing on social media, book marketing services, etc. And make sure that you’re marketing a book that people want to read. A slick media campaign selling a poorly written book will fail just as badly as a well-written book not marketed at all. In other words, have your writing edited. First by you, and then by a reputable editor. It makes all the difference in the world.

Last, make sure that you have a website where you can begin to build a loyal readership by offering an opt-in and other freebies. On ErikaFoxxBooks.com, I offer a free ebook in exchange for an email address, as well as some free erotica I’ve written. Once you have a list of loyal readers, you can market your future writing to them and continue to build your audience.

Do you have a passage (no more than 1 page) that you want to share?

Sure! It’s from “A Taste for Four” from my Seductive Couples: Interracial Menage series. In this third book, Kylie and Jackson McCann have each had the pleasure of having sex with a black partner…Kylie with Tristan, a Jamaican bartender, and Jackson with Summer, Tristan’s head chef at his restaurant. Now, Tristan and Summer are seducing the McCanns!

Excerpt

An Excerpt from “A Taste For Four” by Erika Foxx…

“You know, we don’t need them.” Summer said suggestively. She lay down and poured a bit of wine into her navel. “What do you think?” Kylie lapped the wine gently with her tongue, then took the bottle from Summer. She dripped the wine over her breasts, into Summer’s waiting mouth. Before Kylie knew what was happening, Summer’s head had disappeared between her legs. Kylie felt the woman’s mouth explore her pussy; it felt better than any oral sex Kylie had ever had. Summer did exactly what Kylie would have done if she could pleasure herself.

Jackson and Tristan watched the scene before them with amazement. The sight of the two women got them both hard again, but neither wanted to interrupt the action.

“Put your legs over my head.” Kylie moaned. She felt as if she was having a soft, constant orgasm and she wanted to return the favor. Kylie licked Summer tentatively, surprised at the way she tasted. Unlike Kylie’s juices, Summer’s had a sweet, apple like flavor. Kylie dove in enthusiastically, mimicking the movements of Summer’s mouth with her own. The soft, constant waves of pleasure running through Kylie’s body intensified, and soon she was writhing in ecstasy. As Kylie erupted, Summer’s climax filled her mouth. Summer turned herself upright and rested her head next to Kylie’s.

The women curled together to relax, but the men had something different in mind. The show had left them both longing for a second release. Tristan kneeled next to Kylie, his erection bobbing above her face. Jackson did the same next to Summer.

“That was quite a show you two put on.” Jackson complimented the women.

“Yeah, I think we need some oral action after watching that.” Tristan agreed.

“What do you think Summer? Should we give them what they want?” Kylie teased.

“I don’t know… do you think they can handle something new?” Summer’s eyes darted from Jackson’s cock to Tristan’s hand. Kylie instantly understood the suggestion.

“It’s a night of trying new things.” Kylie smiled. The women rose to their knees and sat the men next to each other on the floor. Summer gripped Jackson’s cock with her right hand, and guided Tristan’s hand over with her left. Kylie did the same in reverse. The men each instinctively pulled away when they realized what the women had planned.

“Now, now,” Summer scolded playfully, “you two got a show. Now we want one.”

“Just use your hands. Summer and I will take care of the rest, if you cooperate.” Kylie promised suggestively. Both men exhaled deeply before gripping the other’s shaft. Jackson had to admit that the sensation felt nice. It became even better when Summer began flicking her tongue against the head of his cock. Each woman bobbed up and down on their partner’s cock, using one free hand to direct the movement of the men’s hands.

 

Do you have anything you want to add?

I’d just like to thank you for the opportunity to tell you and your readers a little about myself. I encourage your readers to visit my website, read my blog stories, check out some of my favorite sites, grab a free ebook and follow me on Twitter and Facebook! Stay in love and lust, and thank you again!

Follow Erika

Facebook: http://facebook.com/ErikaFoxxErotica

Twitter: http://twitter.com/ErikaFoxxBooks

Website: ErikaFoxxBooks.com

Amazon Book link(s):

Seductive Couples: Interracial Romance Menáge Series (BWWM BMWW)

A Taste for Kylie

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTUXXI2/

A Taste for Jackson

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTUXVS4/

A Taste for Four

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTS6ZWK/

Seductive Couples: Interracial Romance Menáge Boxed Set

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KZYVMXU

Dex and Tasia’s Erotic Adventures Series

Waking Up

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N975B6O

Watching You Watching Me

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N975DUI

Helping Mia

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N96QP3S

Interrupted

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N9I9WTU

Single Books

Behind Him All The Way

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ND8MJPA

Amazon Author Page: http://amazon.com/author/erikafoxx

Why you can never go back

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

• Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
• Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
• Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
• Feelings toward your spouse
• How each of you relate to the other
• You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
• Feelings develop for the third person
• They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
• Other changes including though not limited to:
  • Increase in sex drive
  • Decrease in sex drive
  • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

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How to make a fantasy come true: My interview with Erika Foxx

Today, I am announcing my first author interview with erotic author Erika Foxx. Some may know her as the author of such books as a Behind Him All the Way,  Waking Up Book 1: Dex and Tasia’s Erotic Adventures. or the timeless classic Taste for Kyle. I cannot be any happier since the interview comes a few weeks before the holidays and it gives my readers a chance to buy themselves something special or help to cut down their shopping list of gifts to buy. Even if you do not buy a book it is a great opportunity to learn more about an author who writes about making sexual fantasies coming true.

As for my reason for doing this interview, I feel, Erika Foxx is a talented author whose writing interest is very similar to the topics on this site and I feel Taste for Kyle, Taste for Jackson and Taste for Four are stories that go the heart of topics here. I believe, by doing this interview it will help my readers discover the world of erotic literature and what better way to ease into the conversation of having a threesome then by giving a book?

When will this interview occur? The interview will go live on 6 December 2014 shortly after midnight GMT or shortly after 16:00 Pacific Time on Friday 5 December 2014 in the United States.

If there is a question you want to ask Erika Foxx please use the below form. Otherwise I hope to see you here where the interview goes live.

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20 tweeters to follow

I find I can get news faster on twitter than watching television and I can get it from various sources that present the same story from a different angle. Also I am find a lot of my daily information comes from twitter.

After a while, interest in twitter starts to wain because the information has the feel of a dependable worn shoe. The type of shoe for running outside in the rain to get the mail or buying a quart of milk for the morning cup of coffee at the corner shop after discovering the milk in the fridge has chunks.It is great because it is dependable but deep down it is understood more is needed.

We all hit a time where we are looking for someone new to follow on twitter. Sometimes it is to increase followers or learn something new. I find I can get news faster on twitter than watching television and I am find a lot of my daily information comes from twitter.

Nonetheless, from time to time, we all need a bit of a help in finding new, relevant, and interesting material. Below is a small list to get you started on your search. The list covers a variety of active tweeters on twitter with the vast majority covering erotica, threesomes, and cuckolding.

As a result many of them are nsfw (not suitable for work and meant for over 18). This means some of their content in their tweets may be suitable for work. However they may contain links, videos, or pictures that may be questionable for work.  In my opinion @JohnnyLavish1, @ErikaFooxBooks, and @FredChukkawakka are probably the only three that are possibly suitable for work.

Please check back periodically as the list may be expanded or updated. If you feel I have missed a tweeter please let me know by completing the below contact form.

1. @3somes3
2. @ErikaFoxxBooks
3. @healthmaturesex
4. @WorldPolyamory
5. @VirtuousPervert
6. @JohnnyLavish1
7. @swingerswebsite
8. @thecuckplace
9. @splooshcpl
10. @AskAprilcom
11. @hotwives
12. @mywifescuckold
13. @Bmore_horny
14. @thecuckoldsite
15. @Cosmopolitan
16. @paigen
17. @AdultMatchMaker
18. @Dalecuck
19. @YoungCouple
20. @FredChukkawakka

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Cuckolding is it right for me?

It all starts with a harmless thought

At night in bed

Laying in bed a night and she is already asleep. The room is dark and quiet.  Random thoughts begin entering and leaving without too much attention. Soon one question enters and cause some pondering, what will it be like if she was fucking someone else for me?

At first the idea is repulsive. How can it happen? She will never go through with it, let alone consider it. Even if she will consider the idea, it will never happen and if it did happen, she will make sure not to enjoy it.

Knowing she will not go through with it is not enough to allow the question to pass like the others. Soon an image enters. She is laying naked on a king size bed with white sheets and her legs spread. On top of her is male but has no face. They are embracing and he is inside of her. Looking at her, it is obvious she is enjoying it.

Now mere thought of her being with someone else is upsetting and invokes feelings of anger. Soon the feeling of anger subsides and something about the image catches your interest. As you lay there looking at her and thinking about the image of her being with someone else, it is not long before getting hard. Soon feelings of arousal and joy replace feelings of repulsion.The image of her with someone else is arousing and the idea is something you begin considering before asking yourself, is cuckolding right for me?

Foreplay

It starts out with a very suggestive texts during the day in order to seduce her when she gets home, “You look sexy,” “I Love You,” “When I get you home I am going to do nasty things to you.” She reciprocates by texting suggestive photos back along with describing how wet her texts got her. Arriving home from a long day at work, sex is the meal being served. Neither of you are hungry for food but hunger for each other. Supper is delayed for the both of you to feast on the pleasures that await for you in your bedroom.

The bedroom is dark with some light cracking the curtains and the hallway light the seeps into the bedroom from the slightly open door. Each crawls into bed pulling up the blankets and holds the other. Soon light touching and caressing is replaced by intense arousal that involves intense lustful kissing. Soon the kissing settles and the room electrified with an intense hunger for the other. She positions herself into a missionary position suggestively saying, “do whatever you want to me,” that is followed by “making me cum really hard.”

Her challenge “opens the door” to test her reaction of being shared. While eating her out, she moans and her body moves with her stroke of her clit. Soon you begin fingering her and describing a scene where another man fucks her. Initial thought, “she will say I don’t like this,” but she reacts positively getting even hornier before coming hard.

Describing be taken by another man, her lack of resistance, and her cumming hard suggests she is open to the idea? As a result a question arises, how do I take it to the next step? Followed by, how do I make it happen for her? Instead the question should be, “is cuckolding right for me?”

The basics

What is cuckolding?

Today, cuckolding is a word creeping into our everyday vocabulary.  Just a few years ago, very few knew what cuckolding is but with social media more people are showing an interest in practice. Before being able to answer the question, is cuckolding right for me? It is necessary to understand the practice.

Traditional Definition

When we hear the cuckold it is natural to assume it is a fairly new word that has grown out of the sexual liberation of the 1960s. Nonetheless the genesis of the word cuckolding goes back nearly 500 years as the word for an unfaithful wife.

As time progressed and the word cuckolding became a part of our everyday vocabulary, the usage expanded. Today it covers a variety of sexual practices where the husband, in most cases remains monogamous, but his wife takes on at least one male lover outside of the relationship. In such cases, unlike in the past, it is done with her husband’s knowledge and consent.

Liberal Definition

Visit a few web sites that talks about cuckolding and it soon becomes apparent cuckolding is quickly becoming a dumping ground for any group sex activity that loosely falls under the definition of wife sharing. Wife sharing involves a inviting at least one other person Likewise, there is a tendency to use the word to cover sexual practices that are more synonymous with swinging, wife sharing, and wife swapping. Some will argue this usage is incorrect and I agree.

Couple’s cuckolding

So far in this discussion, cuckolding involves some form of BDSM or some form of group sex activity. Now, I am going to add a third definition. This definition involves wife sharing, though excluding gang-bangs and orgies, while incorporating some aspects of traditional cuckolding.  It does not involve forming long-term emotional relationship common to traditional cuckolding and it does not involve opening-up the relationship.

I call couple’s cuckolding.Couple’s cuckolding tends to fall in between the strict interpretation of the word cuckolding and the more liberal definition that includes all types of group sex activity that falls short of being classified as an orgy. Under the strict interpretation of cuckolding, the practice includes a BDSM element such as: humiliation, domination, submission, and discipline. The practice, for some couples moves from being a role play activity into a lifestyle that is dominated by their rules. Couples who take cuckolding to the extreme may practice withholding sex for a period of time, using a male chastity device, and may involve some form of discipline if the rules are not followed.

Also under the strict definition, it is the wife who takes on a male lover, other than her husband. Her contact with her male lover, is usually done outside of the home and usually, though not always, without her husband being present. This implies cuckolding, when using this definition, has a quasi open relationship element to it and a quasi polyamory element to it.

Whereas couple’s cuckolding eliminates the quasi polyamory and open relationship element by keeping the experience at the level of sexual enjoyment instead of focusing on relationship development. This means there may be some BDSM elements to a couple’s cuckolding but it is not a dominating feature. Likewise, couple cuckolding is not meant to become a lifestyle but something a couple will under take for periodic mutual enjoyment. This means couple’s cuckolding probably resembles a threesome but without her husband being present. Instead his enjoyment comes from her regaling her experience and if she chooses, sharing sloppy seconds.

Finally for this article, cuckolding will incorporate the traditional definition and couple’s cuckolding.

Is cuckolding right for me?

Laying in bed and thinking about your wife having sex with someone else or role playing it as a part of foreplay is not sufficient to know if it is a good choice.  Knowing if cuckolding is the right choice involves discussions, reflection, and understanding expectations for everyone before reaching a decision. Nonetheless there are a few questions to ponder to help in answering the question:

1. Do I accept there is a difference between the reality of cuckolding and how it is portrayed in the media?
2. Am I comfortable in various situations?
3. Can I be assertive
4. Am I comfortable with my spouse / partner to speak to them about absolutely anything?
5. Do I wait for all of the information before making a decision?
6. Do I get easily jealous?
7. Am I prepared to share my wife with someone else?
8. Am I am willing to accept the changes to our relationship that will occur?
9. Can I accept there will be someone else in her life that may be as important as me?
10. Am I willing to support her?

Finally

There is no correct answer to the question, is cuckolding right for me? The above questions are meant for reflection and are meant to help with the decision of suggesting trying cuckolding. They are also meant to help the individual understand some of the issues involved and the challenges they may face. It is important to remember, cuckolding is fundamentally different than having a threesome and therefore puts different demands on a couple.

The answer is only found after reflecting, researching the topic, and discussing. Only then, can a couple truly answer if cuckolding is right for them.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Couple’s Cuckolding

Why couples choose cuckolding?

Characteristics of successful couples

Easing into cuckolding

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking

First Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)

Benefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

• New Forest District Council issuing an enforcement notice barring a swingers club in a local home.
• Church is actually a swingers club
• Man stabbed during threesome because he refuses to change positions
• Bad threesome experiences
• Student has threesome with two teachers
• Relationships ending

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

• Providing pleasure / enjoyment for their partner makes them happy
• cheating decrease
• Enjoyable, something a couple can share together
• Social activity that allows meeting other people

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Surviving the First Date

Introduction

The cuckolding fantasy give a safe place to view the experience and have the ideal outcome.  Once the first date approaches the fantasy metamorphosis into a storm at sea with the flurry of emotions, the fear, and panic before being replaced with excite the first date brings. It is not until she arrives home and discussing the experience does the storm finally subside. So, how do you survive the storm that comes with the first date?

Boundaries

Starting point is establishing basic boundaries. Cuckolding is not a threesome and will need very different boundaries. A boundary for a threesome might be no kissing, one-off, or no anal sex. This is because having a threesome is a team activity whereby each person can verify the other is following each boundary and as a couple become comfortable with having a threesome their need for specific boundaries begin the wane. Therefore, a boundary in a threesome situation is more about comfort and providing a degree of emotional safety to make sure the threesome does not go beyond a certain points.

However, in a cuckold having a boundary is more about physical safety or relationship safety than emotional safety. Examples of boundaries may include:

• No staying overnight
• Call / text to give update about the date is progressing
• Number of times in a month she meets the other man
• Amount and type of communication that can occur
• Degree to which the discussing the events of her being intimate with someone else
• Meeting the other male and being to ‘veto’ him if not acceptable.

It can be said, having a cuckold requires a higher degree of trust and a deeper understanding of what cuckolding involves to make sure safety.

Build up the relationship

Building up the relationship  prior to the first date is vital for ensuring a positive cuckolding experience and ensuring the relationship can survive the experience. This means any relationship issue that can cause a problem is resolved before the first date and it means finding a way to connect at an emotional level to bond.

Next building up the relationship can also mean changing your communication style whereby the focus changes from superficial discussions to problem resolution. Such a change may involve talking about feelings, needs, and then working towards an agreeable solution.

Finally, building up the relationship means supporting her through the experience in order for it to be a positive experience for her. It may need helping her prepare for the first day and making herself look attractive. This may mean putting aside your feelings to help her feel confident that this is the right decision.

Relationship Changes

As the first date gets closer there may be noticeable relationship changes:

• She may become emotionally distant
• She may want more time to herself
• Sex may decrease or stop
• Anxiety and fear about the relationship may become more common
• Arguments may increase
• Premature ejaculation or inability to become erect
• She may become more focused on appearance

It is important to view them as normal but after the first date, they can be a sign of an issue that needs discussing.

Distraction

The first time can be quite unnerving. She is gone, hopefully enjoying herself with someone else while you are left alone. It is a time when fear and anxiety build that can lead to a hasty decision being made. It is important while she is out a distraction is found that does not involve using drugs, does not involve using alcohol and does not shopping. From my experience, if you are at home, cleaning is a good distraction. Likewise going to a movie or going out also serves as distinction.

Post Date Relationship Changes

Cuckolding will forever change your relationship and each encounter makes it more difficult for the relationship to return to an exclusive relationship.  It is important to expect change and the degree, to which, the change will occur will depend on how the experience impacts each of you.

Finally

Until the first date cuckolding is only a fantasy. However, as the first date approaches the relationship will under go temporary changes that may involve creating an emotional distance to prepare for the cuckolding experience along with the male noticing sexual changes. After the date it is likely there will be changes to the relationship and to make sure the experience is positive the couple will need to make sure they continue to communicate. The first date can be a positive experience if you plan for it, communicate, and view any change positively.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Six secrets that will help you make your fantasy of having a threesome a reality

Introduction

Wanting a threesome is the first step to have a threesome but convincing your ‘significant other,’the idea is a good idea is a hurdle that needs overcoming. Sometimes the hurdle is more like a mountain that is almost impossible to climb.

Article Overview

Each article covers an area to consider before approaching your ‘significant other’ about the idea and each secret addresses an area that can help you overcome their initial resistance to the idea. Whilst I cannot guarantee success, each secret when used in conjunction with the others can help increase your change of success or at least minimize the amount of time needed to discuss the topic before finding your third person.

Other articles of interest

Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

Secret #3: being confident

Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Secret #6 – it is the relationship

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

Introduction

Imagine an event that brought a lot of possibilities, such as a job interview. The thoughts of a better life because of the experience and being able to join the company made you believe you could join a select group.  However one thing stood in the way, achieving the goal. Realizing the event is still a dream brought another feeling that felt like carrying a 50lb weight while trying to sprint to the finish line. Knowing a well deserved reward was within reach, nothing else mattered,except experiencing the joy that comes with such an event.

In many ways, having a threesome can bring wonderment and possibilities. It is very easy to focus on the finish-line, having a threesome instead of focusing on the road ahead.

Give it time

Bringing up the idea of having a threesome can be met with a variety of reactions from ending the relationship to a mutual agreement to have a threesome. Preparation for the discussion and projecting confidence in desiring a threesome are essential for the discussion.  Approaching the conversation should not be done a sprint, whereby agreement is made to have a threesome followed by a drive down to the bar to find someone. Instead of reacting to the ‘heat of the moment,’ thought should be given planning the threesome and ensure everyone has a common understanding. This usually means there is a pause in the conversation.

Allowing a pause, as it relates to the discussion of a threesomes, we are always learning from our experiences and as we have more experiences our views of the world change. This does not always means an initial ‘no’ will automatically change to a ‘yes.’ Instead it means giving time to process the suggestion and giving them time to view the suggestion in context of new experiences. This may lead to softening of their position and it can mean the subject can be re-approached.

Exercise to try

To see the impact a pause can have, including yourself. The next time you are having a casual conversation, pause and do not say a word. Alternatively if you are not comfortable trying this then try to think of a time when you had a conversation and there was a pause? What is your feeling? Do you feel, as though you have to say something? What about the other person? Do they feel uncomfortable with it? How does it resolve itself?

A pause in a conversation can be awkward leaving us to find a way to restart the conversation and get beyond that awkward feeling without realizing the pause may be beneficial. This is true with any conversation regardless if the pause is a few seconds or a few years. By understanding how a pause can effect you can help in handling the discussion of a threesome and possibly persuade them to have a threesome.

Conclusion

Pause in a conversation is natural but is can be unnerving. When it does it occur it is important to let the conversation begin naturally instead of trying to restart it because it feels unnatural to keep the pause. Discussing a threesome should be seen as a marathon instead of sprint. By allowing the conversation to begin naturally it signifies thought has been given to the topic of having a threesome and it can mean it reaching an agreement might be easier. Should the outcome be there is no agreement on having a threesome then it is best to let the pause return and love your partner / spouse for who they are instead of what they can give you.

 

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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