FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2

Are threesomes similar to what is shown the movies, talk shows, and television?

Movies, talks show, and television are commercial enterprises that need to generate revenue for their company. This means they have to focus on aspects of having a threesome that brings in revenue for them thereby avoiding a balanced approach to the topic. Simply when a media enterprise (e.g. a talk show) focuses on threesomes they are focusing on the aspects they believe will bring in the most viewers for them thereby being able to charge more for advertising.  In this author’s opinion, anyone considering having a threesome should not base their decision on anything they see on television regarding the topic.

Will a threesome destroy our relationship?

This author believes a threesome will not destroy a relationship but the threesome process can bring to the surface, at a very fast pace, issues that can adversely impact a relationship. Also, this author believes if there are underlying issues in a relationship a threesome can amplify those issues whereby if a threesome did not occur then it might have been addressed. Finally this author believes a threesome cannot fix a troubled relationship but can help a good relationship.

For example a fictitious Couple, Fred & Ginger, discuss having a threesome. During the process Fred starts out like a child in a candy store, unable to wait for the threesome to happen. As the threesome grows closer, Fred becomes insecure but does not say anything to his wife, Ginger, because he does not want to deny her having a threesome. When they have the threesome Fred becomes more insecure leaving in the middle of the threesome in tears and accusing Ginger of cheating.

In the above example, it is arguable at least two issues in the couple’s relationship exist. The first is insecurity.  Granted, there is a level of insecurity in most relationships but in this situation being confronted with a threesome brought forward the issue of insecurity and the issue impacted the relationship. Second issue is communication and more precisely the fear of discussing an uncomfortable subject. Had the couple talked about what a threesome might be like for them, the issues around them, and discussed the feelings of insecurity then Fred may not have become upset.

Final example, another fictitious couple Barney and Betty have a threesome. Throughout the process they talk about their feelings, about issues that come up, and plan a threesome that is agreeable to the both of them. After the threesome they talk about how the threesome left them and discuss their next steps. They find the process of communication and providing for each other’s pleasure has brought them together.

We have planned our threesome does it means it will go as planned?

By planning a threesome it helps those involved identify risk, determine their impact on the relationship, and determine what needs to be done. Unfortunately, the best of planning still leaves the chance something was missed or something unexpected may happen.

How would you describe having a threesome?

If you ask 100 people who had a threesome they will give you 100 different answers. The best way, this author believes, is describing it as a roller-coaster rid. This means it can be scary at time but if enjoyed, this author feels, it can be exciting.  Also, the roller-coaster analogy is used to describe the feelings an individual may go through from feeling insecure to total arousal in a matter of minutes.

My partner has stated during foreplay they would love to have a threesome but after sex says they do not want a threesome, what am I to do?

This is typically referred to as “mixed signals.” There are many explanations as to why this occurs but it is a sign that your partner is not ready for a threesome. They may mentally like the idea; however at an emotional or social level they may not be ready for it. In this author’s opinion, the best thing that can be time is to give your partner time and not push the idea. When the opportunity arises openly and honestly talks to them about the idea.

I have tried to bring up the idea of having a threesome with my partner but they refuse, how can I convince them?

There is no way to convince your partner to have a threesome and probably the worst thing you can do is to pressure them. Instead, this author believes, you need to first become comfortable with the idea and be comfortable discussing it. This may mean you take time researching the idea, understanding what is involved, and try to find ways to introduce the idea in non-threatening ways to your partner. If you can do it and your partner is receptive then it may mean you have a chance that a threesome will occur in the future. However, not everyone is suitable for a threesome and not everyone wants a threesome. Therefore, be ready to love your partner for who they are and not what they can give you.

My partner / spouse is cheating. If I agree to have a threesome  with my partner / spouse will it stop them from cheating?

In this author’s opinion, having a threesome to prevent or stop someone from cheating does not work. This is because, this author believes, cheating is a sign of a deeper relationship issues that needs addressing and having a threesome will not fix it.