Erika Foxx Interview

Introduction

I want to take the time to thank Erika Foxx for taking the time in answering my questions. Also, I hope you will find her interview interesting and finally hope this interview will introduce you to a new erotic author that is worth following.

Meet Erika Foxx

My favorite stories are always the ones that have characters that I can relate to, and they’re in some situation that makes them believable people that somehow tests their love, or causes them to fall in love. And then hopefully along the way they end up having passionate, hot sex! And those are the kinds of books I like to write, too!

I remember the first time I realized that my mind was such a powerful source of arousal. I was sitting in the grass studying during my first year of college with a girl that was taking the same class. She kept pointing out the hot, shirtless guys walking by, muttering things that I thought “good” girls would never say! And then she said something that has stuck with me to this day…”He’s my fantasy for tonight, Erika.” I must have looked like she was speaking in a foreign language and she asked, “Don’t you ever fantasize about hot guys like that?” I felt my cheeks flush and I shook my head ‘no’ because I really never HAD fantasized like that…yet 😉

After that day, I began to think about guys and sex in ways I never had done before. Since then, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve had a lot of “fantasy” nights with some of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen. But nothing ever can take the place of a warm body 😉

Fortunately for me, my high school sweetheart came back into my life about this time. I not only got to fantasize about him before we eventually got married, but now I get to fantasize WITH him, too! We are madly in love, and he is so supportive of my writing. And over time, I found my muse for writing erotica. And she’s a very naughty, slutty woman!

In our free time we love spending time together outdoors hiking and camping and bike riding, and we enjoy spoiling our two Yorkies.

Briefly tell us about your childhood? Where did you grow? Was there an inspirational adult figure when growing up?

I was just a typical, boring middle class kid growing up. I grew up in the upper Midwest in the U.S. in a very small town. My grandparents were very inspirational to me growing up. They always encouraged me in everything I did.

What is a happy memory from childhood?

Christmas time gave me some of my favorite memories, mostly from family and friends getting together to play games, talk and just enjoy spending time together.

What was school like for you? How far did you go in your education?

I was quite the little nerd in school, and I loved being one of the smartest kids in the school. I was always the good kid, never getting in trouble for anything.

I continued on with my education after high school, ultimately through graduate school.

Tell us something that we may not know about you?

It might surprise you given my avocation in writing erotica, but I was a virgin until my wedding night. That’s not to say I hadn’t participated in some other forms of sex play, though!

Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who? Tells us about it? Did it change you?

I’ve never met anyone famous ;( …yet!

Who, either living or dead, inspires you?

It’s not one single person really, more of a ‘class’ of people.   Anyone that goes after their dreams and never lets anything stop them is always inspirational.

Has a book ever impacted you? If so, what book? How did it impact you? What did you do differently after reading it?

Yes, most definitely! Believe it or not, it was Steven King’s book On Writing. I had read a few of his books, and I marvelled at how good a story teller he is. Whether you like his genre or not, the man knows how to weave a great tale! So when I read On Writing, I was taken with his thought on how stories are like archaeological digs, and that a writer’s job is to excavate the story and put flesh on the buried bones. After reading that, I paid much more attention to my characters and I “unearthed” their stories instead of trying to impose on them what I thought they should be doing or saying. In other words, I followed them around and started writing down what they did.

The other thing I learned from that book was the idea that I needed to find my muse. And I’ve discovered that mine is a pretty naughty girl…really a slut, to be honest. I fought her for a long time, being the “good” girl. But she wouldn’t stop making my character want to do dirty things to each other, and that bothered me for a long time. I couldn’t make sense of where it was coming from. When I read that book, I realized that I should start using her as an asset instead of a liability! When I let her loose, boy did my stories take a decidedly erotic turn!

Are you currently writing anything? Can you share an overview of the story? Do you have a target release date?

Yes, I’m currently working on the first book of what I hope to expand into a series. It’s a story of a young Victorian-era maid that has been released from her duties, and she is being secreted away to the employ of another, more demanding lord because of an unseemly ‘incident’. The story is my first in the BDSM realm, and I plan to publish the first book sometime in January 2015.

How long have you been writing?

Since high school. I got started when I took a class in creative writing, and I was hooked. I wrote a lot of romantic stuff, and it was fun but it was pretty bad, to be honest.

How often do you write? How long do you write?

My goal is to always write something every day, but to be honest I really end up writing in fits and starts. I’ve found that if I sit down to write every day, and my muse is being the slutty bitch she can be, I’ll just write garbage because I’m writing for the sake of writing and not for unearthing the story. If the characters don’t want me to follow them, it’s kind of hard to do that!

So, when those moments come around, I’ll spend time writing tweets for my followers on Twitter and spend some time researching what I’m writing at the time. Right now, it’s BDSM and I’m finding it both arousing and interesting. I’m not sure if it’s something I’d like to try personally, but you never know!

As far as how long I write, it depends. If the characters are demanding me to follow them, I’ll write until they stop leading me around. The longest session I can remember was about twelve hours.

How did you start out in writing?

As I mentioned earlier, I took a creative writing course in high school—the first of many! But just over a year ago, I decided to try publishing some of my stories on Amazon.

Where do you find your inspiration for writing?

I get inspiration in some of the strangest situations. I might be shopping and see an attractive couple arm-in-arm, and BOOM! My muse throws this vision of the couple into my mind, and they’re now naked and she’s leading him along by his huge, erect cock. That might become a scene later on in a story.

Sometimes it’s a photo, or a movie, or even a book. When I really find myself needing inspiration, or if I’m stuck with something and I really feel the urge to write something erotic, I’ll find some random porn clip online and write a description of the sex I’m watching. It feels like priming a pump, and then things start to flow. It’s also a good way to find new ways of describing sex.

How do you come up with your stories?

I’m also a reader of erotica, romance novels and all kinds of other good fiction, and that feeds my imagination and story ideas. I don’t know how it happens, but an idea will just seem to form in my mind. It’s usually a character that starts telling me a story, and it just seems to flow from that. I keep a journal for writing down plot and story ideas, just so I don’t forget them.

How much time a week or a month do you spend writing?

I try to write a minimum of four to six hours per week, with my goal being at least an hour every day. Maybe I’m not as anal about that as I should be, but I like writing to be organic for me.

All of the books you have written, which one is your favorite? Why?

My favorite is “A Taste for Kylie.” I loved writing her, probably because she’s a lot like me. She’s got a prim and proper side, but deep down she’s hiding a strong sexual urge. And she’s got a deep love for her husband and her marriage, and will do anything to keep that love and romance alive.

Your books seem to touch on the subject of making fantasies come true, have you ever have a fantasy come true?

I have, yes. I had always wanted to make love outdoors, and one weekend while hiking I finally convinced my hubby to give it a try! It took some convincing with my tongue, but he gave in and we had some of the best sex we’ve ever had!

Your books seem to touch on the subject of doing something taboo. Have you ever done anything taboo?

I’ve never done anything in reality that would be considered taboo, but I’ve done some pretty raunchy things in my mind that might land me in jail if I ever really did them!

What is the easiest part of writing for you?

It didn’t start out that way, but writing dialog is the easiest for me. I just listen to the characters and write down what they say! It’s usually how I start a story, with the dialog. I find it easier to add the rest after I know what they’ve said.

What is the most difficult part of writing?

Facing a blank screen. When your characters stop talking or doing anything, it’s the most lonely and frustrating feeling in the world.

What is the biggest writing challenge you have faced?

For me, it’s making the time to write. Perhaps someday if I decide to pursue being published by a publisher, it’d be deadlines.

How do you come up with your characters?

Honestly, I don’t know how they suddenly form in my head, but that’s how it happens. It’s almost like watching a fog start to materialize into a human form in my mind, complete with facial features and body type and hair and eyes and personality. Sometimes it happens instantly, and sometimes it can take days.

If there is one character you can choose to say is your favorite who would you choose? Why?

Again, my favorite character to date is Kylie McCann from my interracial ménage series, but I’m really starting to like a character I’m writing now for the Victorian-era BDSM series I’m writing. She’s also a lot like me in some ways.

What character has been the most difficult to develop, write? Why?

It’s one I’m writing about now for my new series. He’s the lord of the new manor that my maid character has been sent to, and he’s dark and brooding and won’t let me get inside his head very easily. But I’m working him!

Do you try to put a message in your books? If so, what do you believe it is? How would the reader know the message?

The only strong message I have how the power of a strong relationship is very erotic. When people are hopelessly in love and would do anything to give pleasure to each other, in whatever form, I think that’s so sexy. And I try to incorporate that in some way in the stories I write. In my short-short series “The Erotic Adventures of Dex and Tasia,” the two of them are madly in love with each other, but they find such erotic joy in making the other happy. Even when Tasia wants Dex to have sex with another man, he obliges because he knows it’s going to make her happy. That kind of love makes me melt!

Do you have a recurring symbolism or a motif?

No symbolism, but I do like building sexual tension between the characters in the stories I write. I guess that would qualify as a motif!

How do you use conflict in telling the story?

For my short-shorts, the only conflict is that the characters want to come, period. I wrote them as quickies for readers that want something short and sweet and arousing to read.

But for my other stories, definitely. Let’s face it, nobody wants to read a book about characters that are perfect and never have any problems in life or obstacles to overcome. So I try to use conflict when it seems like things are going to smoothly in my stories. Sometimes I’ll go back after I’ve written for a while and realize I’m reading a fairy tale. In that case, I’ll try to find a wedge point that I can stick in some kind of trouble or problem, or another character even. Something to upset the apple cart.

As a writer, it’s fun to add those conflicts and see how the characters react.

I did that in my recent book, “Behind Him All The Way.” A happily married couple has been having a pre-arranged “fun night” of sexual exploration to keep their sex life hot. The wife is conflicted about the suggestion by her girlfriend to try pegging her husband, and there’s some wonderful conflict and tension between the husband and wife when he’s confronted by his beautiful wife adorned with a huge rubber strap-on cock.

Advice

Can you share any advice for anyone considering self-publishing?

Sure, and remember that this is coming from someone that’s only been self-publishing for about a year. I’m still learning more every day!

It’s really quite easy today for anyone to write anything and sell it on Amazon or Smashwords or Barnes & Noble. In fact it’s downright simple, and you can even pay people to get everything formatted and ready for a very small fee. If all you want to do is say you’ve got a book for sale on Amazon, no problem.

But if you want to earn a living as a self-published writer, be ready to spend some significant time and money in advertising and marketing on social media, book marketing services, etc. And make sure that you’re marketing a book that people want to read. A slick media campaign selling a poorly written book will fail just as badly as a well-written book not marketed at all. In other words, have your writing edited. First by you, and then by a reputable editor. It makes all the difference in the world.

Last, make sure that you have a website where you can begin to build a loyal readership by offering an opt-in and other freebies. On ErikaFoxxBooks.com, I offer a free ebook in exchange for an email address, as well as some free erotica I’ve written. Once you have a list of loyal readers, you can market your future writing to them and continue to build your audience.

Do you have a passage (no more than 1 page) that you want to share?

Sure! It’s from “A Taste for Four” from my Seductive Couples: Interracial Menage series. In this third book, Kylie and Jackson McCann have each had the pleasure of having sex with a black partner…Kylie with Tristan, a Jamaican bartender, and Jackson with Summer, Tristan’s head chef at his restaurant. Now, Tristan and Summer are seducing the McCanns!

Excerpt

An Excerpt from “A Taste For Four” by Erika Foxx…

“You know, we don’t need them.” Summer said suggestively. She lay down and poured a bit of wine into her navel. “What do you think?” Kylie lapped the wine gently with her tongue, then took the bottle from Summer. She dripped the wine over her breasts, into Summer’s waiting mouth. Before Kylie knew what was happening, Summer’s head had disappeared between her legs. Kylie felt the woman’s mouth explore her pussy; it felt better than any oral sex Kylie had ever had. Summer did exactly what Kylie would have done if she could pleasure herself.

Jackson and Tristan watched the scene before them with amazement. The sight of the two women got them both hard again, but neither wanted to interrupt the action.

“Put your legs over my head.” Kylie moaned. She felt as if she was having a soft, constant orgasm and she wanted to return the favor. Kylie licked Summer tentatively, surprised at the way she tasted. Unlike Kylie’s juices, Summer’s had a sweet, apple like flavor. Kylie dove in enthusiastically, mimicking the movements of Summer’s mouth with her own. The soft, constant waves of pleasure running through Kylie’s body intensified, and soon she was writhing in ecstasy. As Kylie erupted, Summer’s climax filled her mouth. Summer turned herself upright and rested her head next to Kylie’s.

The women curled together to relax, but the men had something different in mind. The show had left them both longing for a second release. Tristan kneeled next to Kylie, his erection bobbing above her face. Jackson did the same next to Summer.

“That was quite a show you two put on.” Jackson complimented the women.

“Yeah, I think we need some oral action after watching that.” Tristan agreed.

“What do you think Summer? Should we give them what they want?” Kylie teased.

“I don’t know… do you think they can handle something new?” Summer’s eyes darted from Jackson’s cock to Tristan’s hand. Kylie instantly understood the suggestion.

“It’s a night of trying new things.” Kylie smiled. The women rose to their knees and sat the men next to each other on the floor. Summer gripped Jackson’s cock with her right hand, and guided Tristan’s hand over with her left. Kylie did the same in reverse. The men each instinctively pulled away when they realized what the women had planned.

“Now, now,” Summer scolded playfully, “you two got a show. Now we want one.”

“Just use your hands. Summer and I will take care of the rest, if you cooperate.” Kylie promised suggestively. Both men exhaled deeply before gripping the other’s shaft. Jackson had to admit that the sensation felt nice. It became even better when Summer began flicking her tongue against the head of his cock. Each woman bobbed up and down on their partner’s cock, using one free hand to direct the movement of the men’s hands.

 

Do you have anything you want to add?

I’d just like to thank you for the opportunity to tell you and your readers a little about myself. I encourage your readers to visit my website, read my blog stories, check out some of my favorite sites, grab a free ebook and follow me on Twitter and Facebook! Stay in love and lust, and thank you again!

Follow Erika

Facebook: http://facebook.com/ErikaFoxxErotica

Twitter: http://twitter.com/ErikaFoxxBooks

Website: ErikaFoxxBooks.com

Amazon Book link(s):

Seductive Couples: Interracial Romance Menáge Series (BWWM BMWW)

A Taste for Kylie

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTUXXI2/

A Taste for Jackson

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTUXVS4/

A Taste for Four

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KTS6ZWK/

Seductive Couples: Interracial Romance Menáge Boxed Set

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KZYVMXU

Dex and Tasia’s Erotic Adventures Series

Waking Up

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N975B6O

Watching You Watching Me

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N975DUI

Helping Mia

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N96QP3S

Interrupted

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N9I9WTU

Single Books

Behind Him All The Way

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ND8MJPA

Amazon Author Page: http://amazon.com/author/erikafoxx

First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking

First Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

Cuckolding Beginners Guide For Her: Surviving the First Date

Introduction

Cuckolding provides a woman the best of both worlds. An opportunity to openly have a lover that can fulfill needs that only he can fulfill and a chance for her to live out some of her fantasies while maintaining a loving relationship. In order for her to do this requires being dedicated to support her primary relationship, being dedicated to communicating her needs, and be willing to take the first step once the opportunity arises. This guide is a step in the journey and how to make it through the transformation that will occur.

What Have I got myself into?

Defining cuckolding

Cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions is a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship. Broadly speaking this covers all group sex activities but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms.

I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Expectations

Your boyfriend or husband will expect that you will have sex with someone else outside of your relationship. Similarly any man or ‘bull’ you meet will expect sex. However, it is important to remember for men when there are expectations about sex performance issues may arise that may lead to disappointment.

The above may sound intimidating but there is a lot power that is harnessed. As a woman you will have the last say over who you select, what happens to you, and nothing will happen without your consent. This means you can set your expectations and can manage the expectations of others. Ideally for the first date it is good to have minimal expectations to prevent feeling disappointment and creating too much pressure.

What do I want?

What do I want? Is a powerful question that opens many possibilities. It suggest cuckolding can offer the freedom to decide your own destiny and to meet a need that is not being met. Also, it gives the chance to live out a fantasy and to experience something only a few couples ever get to experience.

Being a woman who is control of her destiny and finding a lover without hiding it, brings a degree of power. Being able to get the most from the experience means understanding your needs and desires. Ask yourself what do you want from the experience? What would you like to try or do? Is there something about the experience that draws you to it versus having a threesome? This type of experience can fulfill a secret fantasy or an unfilled need if done correcting.

Communication Relationship Power

Having an enjoyable experience comes to down to a relationship that works and the ability to communicate. Communication for an enjoyable experience is vital. By being able to effectively communicate needs, comfort and limits means putting aside needs of others to focus on your needs. This can mean, at times, there are competing needs but by working through the issues finding a compromise that works for all.

In this type of situation, as a woman, you have a lot of control. For your boyfriend / husband it means making his fantasy a reality will not happen unless you agree. Likewise, the other male will not be chosen unless his needs are align with your needs. Knowing how to use your power becomes vital for meeting your needs and making the experience work for all.

Boundaries

Cuckolding is not having a threesome, which means there is a lot more more freedom but more risk too. For your husband / boyfriend it is a time of great anxiety. Also for them it can be a source of great joy. Understanding your husband / boyfriend is vital for the experience to work for him, for you, and the relationship. Since cuckolding is not like a threesome the same type of boundaries do not work. Instead cuckolding requires a different set of boundaries that focus on safety and relationship.

This means having discussions about:

• If you will discuss the experience with the other man
• If you will share ‘sloppy seconds’ with him
• If sex will happen once you get back
• Your husband’s / boyfriend’s comfort level
• Your comfort level
• If you want him to meet the other man
• Safe-sex

Also it raises the question should there be forbidden activities like anal sex or kissing? In my opinion, I believe discussing such topics is futile since your boyfriend / husband will not be present thereby not knowing what transpired.

Meeting

Safety

Thinking about your sexual health and physical well-being is paramount. Sometimes bringing your boyfriend / husband to meet the potential playmate can build a bit of a buffer. By doing this it sends subtle message that someone is aware you are out.

Another point to consider is calling or sending texts to give progress on the date. This can be erotic for your husband / boyfriend and it can serve as a valuable instrument for your safety.

Last point on safety, practicing safe-sex is a must. The last thing you want from a few hours of bliss is an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. Best advice use a condom along with a back up birth control method.

Build a Buffer

Meeting someone for the first time can be a very anxious and awkward time. Being able to ‘click’ online or over the phone is one thing; however meeting in person is totally different. From the beginning let the potential playmate know there are no expectations from the meeting and it is about seeing if things can go further. Taking your boyfriend / husband with can give you a perspective that you may not see before deciding to go forward and if you decide not to go forward with the idea then having them there is a way to politely leave.

 At the meeting

Before meeting the third person discuss with your husband / boyfriend about the meeting. Develop signals and code words to signify:

• comfort
• nothing will happen
• you want to leave
• he is not comfortable with the other male
• you are getting comfortable with the other male
• time for him to leave

This may sound obvious but it is easy for him not to notice because he will be going through his own evaluation. Thereby missing something you might be trying to communicate with him. By talking before meeting the other male it will help to make sure the two of you work as a team and help make the evening go seamlessly.

Examples

• Suggest to your partner to dance or chat to someone as a signal to leave.
• Suggesting to your partner to buy some drinks as a signal you want to get to know the other male alone
• Touching or kissing the other male to show comfort
• Taking off glasses to show discomfort about choice
• Talking about getting up early as way to leave for husband / boyfriend or you bring it up as way to bring the meeting to an early close
• Mentioning a friend being ill as a signal to your husband / boyfriend you have no interest in the other male

Finally Alone

Before actually meeting, it may be worthwhile asking what helps him to relax and what helps to make him comfortable. If you have a fantasy about undressing for another male then share it with him.

After all of the communication and meeting the two of you are finally alone. For you it can be a time of fear and uncertainty because your husband is not there with you. Alternatively it may be a time of excitement because of the unbounded possibilities that exist. In either situation it is important to be able to relax and communicate your needs

For him it can be a time of great anxiety. Watch him, do not rush, and spend a few minutes talking. Helping him relax and you being able to relax will help. Men like looking a women naked and undressing slowly in front him will help arouse him. If you are comfortable asking him to undress you this could be an arousing moment for the both of you.

After undressing there is no need to rush. Take time to enjoy each other and explore. Since he is new, let him know what feels good and if necessary guide him. This your time to make your fantasy come true and mold him into your desires.

As the fantasy becomes reality think about what feels good and what do you want to experience. Try to balance it against trying too much and putting too much pressure on him or yourself.

Returning to your husband

If everything has gone as expected then you should being feeling good about yourself and the experience. Soon you will be back with your husband / boyfriend. This can be quite erotic and very intimate if you choose. For some men, ‘sloppy seconds‘ can be quite intimidating but a confident man will know how to enjoy it.

If the two of you have not agreed that you will bathe before laying with him and if you have not agreed the experience will not be discussed then take him to bed. Encourage him to explore you and to feel where the other man has been. Play to his fantasy of sharing you by telling him how good it was and how much you enjoyed it.

Finally

Surviving the first date takes a lot of communication and trust. Also, it involves a special couple that can introduce a third person and continue to make their relationship work. The key to surviving the first date is felling empowered and being in charge of your destiny. If you can communicate your needs and make everyone happy then you are on your way in having it all.

Other Articles of Interest

Enjoying Slopppy Seconds

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

FAQs about Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

Watching my wife have sex

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Surviving the First Date

Introduction

The cuckolding fantasy give a safe place to view the experience and have the ideal outcome.  Once the first date approaches the fantasy metamorphosis into a storm at sea with the flurry of emotions, the fear, and panic before being replaced with excite the first date brings. It is not until she arrives home and discussing the experience does the storm finally subside. So, how do you survive the storm that comes with the first date?

Boundaries

Starting point is establishing basic boundaries. Cuckolding is not a threesome and will need very different boundaries. A boundary for a threesome might be no kissing, one-off, or no anal sex. This is because having a threesome is a team activity whereby each person can verify the other is following each boundary and as a couple become comfortable with having a threesome their need for specific boundaries begin the wane. Therefore, a boundary in a threesome situation is more about comfort and providing a degree of emotional safety to make sure the threesome does not go beyond a certain points.

However, in a cuckold having a boundary is more about physical safety or relationship safety than emotional safety. Examples of boundaries may include:

• No staying overnight
• Call / text to give update about the date is progressing
• Number of times in a month she meets the other man
• Amount and type of communication that can occur
• Degree to which the discussing the events of her being intimate with someone else
• Meeting the other male and being to ‘veto’ him if not acceptable.

It can be said, having a cuckold requires a higher degree of trust and a deeper understanding of what cuckolding involves to make sure safety.

Build up the relationship

Building up the relationship  prior to the first date is vital for ensuring a positive cuckolding experience and ensuring the relationship can survive the experience. This means any relationship issue that can cause a problem is resolved before the first date and it means finding a way to connect at an emotional level to bond.

Next building up the relationship can also mean changing your communication style whereby the focus changes from superficial discussions to problem resolution. Such a change may involve talking about feelings, needs, and then working towards an agreeable solution.

Finally, building up the relationship means supporting her through the experience in order for it to be a positive experience for her. It may need helping her prepare for the first day and making herself look attractive. This may mean putting aside your feelings to help her feel confident that this is the right decision.

Relationship Changes

As the first date gets closer there may be noticeable relationship changes:

• She may become emotionally distant
• She may want more time to herself
• Sex may decrease or stop
• Anxiety and fear about the relationship may become more common
• Arguments may increase
• Premature ejaculation or inability to become erect
• She may become more focused on appearance

It is important to view them as normal but after the first date, they can be a sign of an issue that needs discussing.

Distraction

The first time can be quite unnerving. She is gone, hopefully enjoying herself with someone else while you are left alone. It is a time when fear and anxiety build that can lead to a hasty decision being made. It is important while she is out a distraction is found that does not involve using drugs, does not involve using alcohol and does not shopping. From my experience, if you are at home, cleaning is a good distraction. Likewise going to a movie or going out also serves as distinction.

Post Date Relationship Changes

Cuckolding will forever change your relationship and each encounter makes it more difficult for the relationship to return to an exclusive relationship.  It is important to expect change and the degree, to which, the change will occur will depend on how the experience impacts each of you.

Finally

Until the first date cuckolding is only a fantasy. However, as the first date approaches the relationship will under go temporary changes that may involve creating an emotional distance to prepare for the cuckolding experience along with the male noticing sexual changes. After the date it is likely there will be changes to the relationship and to make sure the experience is positive the couple will need to make sure they continue to communicate. The first date can be a positive experience if you plan for it, communicate, and view any change positively.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Six secrets that will help you make your fantasy of having a threesome a reality

Introduction

Wanting a threesome is the first step to have a threesome but convincing your ‘significant other,’the idea is a good idea is a hurdle that needs overcoming. Sometimes the hurdle is more like a mountain that is almost impossible to climb.

Article Overview

Each article covers an area to consider before approaching your ‘significant other’ about the idea and each secret addresses an area that can help you overcome their initial resistance to the idea. Whilst I cannot guarantee success, each secret when used in conjunction with the others can help increase your change of success or at least minimize the amount of time needed to discuss the topic before finding your third person.

Other articles of interest

Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

Secret #3: being confident

Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Secret #6 – it is the relationship

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

 

10 Word Press articles you may have missed for the week of 5 May 2014

Intro

This week has been slow, with only a few pieces being published. Hopefully I have chosen a good cross-section that everyone can find something they enjoy.

Highlights

So What Are You Doing Friday Night? While I believe a bit more editing would have helped, nonetheless this article is a thought provoking article examining men responding to a woman who is the one pursuing them for sex.

Infidelity Fantasies a great short piece talking about the fantasy many men have but do not mention, being aroused by their wives cheating on them.

1) How I Seduced My Friend’s Wife by sexualimaginist

2) Jake’s Story (Chapter 2) by Tales of a Slut Wife

3) So What Are You Doing Friday Night? by Pyx

4) Infidelity Fantasies by Boy Lust

5) Caution! Tipsy Post by Krystalla

6)  5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries by Threesomes and Variations

7) 13 Things Porn Teaches Kids That Schools Does Not by Beyond The Tabloids

8) Surprise by Smarlene

9) Is Swinging Coming Out of the Closet by A Walk in the Snow

10) A Visit from a Friend by Sissymaid Diaries

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

New relationships, long-term relationships, and the threesome fantasy

Is it better keeping a fantasy as a wish or is better transforming a fantasy into reality?

Imagine you are a couple that is dating for a few months and things start moving from casual dating to a serious relationship. Now imagine you desire to show your ‘better half’ that you are ‘open-minded’ and not jealous. Likewise consider you are a couple that has been together for more than 10 years and you want to show your partner that you can be open to a new experience. In each situation let us assume one way of showing a willingness to try something new or not being jealous is by having a threesome.  Also let us assume in each situation the fantasy of having a threesome is being discussed. This raises the question is better keeping the fantasy as a wish or is better bringing the fantasy into reality?

From my experience, having a threesome is sometimes seen as challenge. The challenge is not going through with a threesome after losing a bet. Instead the challenge is twofold. At one-level the challenge is showing your partner / spouse that by having a threesome you have some how transformed yourself and a willingness of being open to new chapter in the relationship. Likewise the challenge becomes a gift that is given proving jealousy does not exist, even though jealousy may be an issue. Second challenge maintaining the openness that results from having a threesome and remaining true to the reason for having it.

This means the relationship will be transformed into something different. Since a threesome may happen and at least one person in the relationship is attempting changing the directional momentum relationship. Such a change, means either individual in the relationship may not be prepared for the change that may happen and even if each of them are ready for the change, will it be a change that is welcomed?

In my opinion, the answer lies in the power of the fantasy for the couple. Power of a fantasy lies in its ability to unite the couple by being able to share a fantasy that brings them pleasure and brings them close. It is something that binds a couple and brings them close.  Also, bringing a fantasy into reality means taking a risk and the result may not be the result either one was expecting. A result of bringing the fantasy to life may an erotic experience shared by each of them or it could be an experience that adversely impacts their relationship. Once a fantasy is made real it  can mean it will no longer be a shared fantasy for the couple, it will lose some of its mystique, or the fantasy will change to reflect the reality of the threesome that occurred. The question that the couple must ask themselves are they prepared to lose the fantasy in order to make it real?

Another aspect in deciding if it is a good idea in making a fantasy real is each individual skill at communicating. Communicating is key, I believe, in having a successful threesome. If either struggles with being clear and concise about their needs then it is likely a threesome may not work.

In answer to the question is it better to leave a threesome fantasy just a fantasy? I believe, a lot depends on the couple, the power of the fantasy for them, and how they are at communicating their needs. Both need to be ready for any change to the relationship and be prepared for any adverse influence from the threesome experience. If a couple is prepared and agreeing to try the idea then there should be no reason why it needs to remain a fantasy.

My Power Over My Husband’s Small Penis

Using Cuckolding as a Fantasy

This is a well written article, see above, that is not the typical small-penis humiliation cuckold blog post and it is an article that I encourage anyone to read. The author explores the power dynamic of their relationship, that her husband’s small penis has created and how they have addressed it.

While I admit I have not read many of her articles, I do find her approach refreshing since fantasy cuckolding play and using toys seems to be an integral part of their sex life. At least from her writing it seems to have made a positive impact and it is something worth discussing.

For this site, I feel it is a great article and the author presents a side that is quite compatible with a strand that I write about, the use of fantasy for couples who are either unsure about wanting a threesome or not ready to have one. I believe, she provides a lot of insight in how it can be accomplished and how for some couples, it can be fulfilling. In conclusion, I believe, this article and this author has something to offer anyone interested in threesome / group sex and effectively using fantasy in your relationship.

Related articles

• I Love Sloppy Seconds , Confessions of a cuckold Husband BBC (marquisexcapades.wordpress.com)
• A new style of cuckolding? (confessionsfromacuckoldress.wordpress.com)
• How to enjoy your white wife/ hotwife’s Cuckold encounters with big black cock. (marquisexcapades.wordpress.com)
• Embrace Your Small Penis (psmag.com)
• Misunderstanding of Cuckolds and Cuckqueans (dexmaya.wordpress.com)
• The Art of Small Penis Teasing (lovesmallpenis.wordpress.com)
• Cuckolding! Seriously?? (theprosandconsofdwelling.wordpress.com)
• I Was a Female Cuckold | ShoehornSlave (closetquean.wordpress.com)

Fantasy versus Reality of Having a threesome: Chapter 5 Resolving the Dilemma of Privacy versus Having a Threesome

Introduction

After much discussion agreement is reached beginning the search for the third. Going through profiles in order to research the site and get feel for the tone of the profiles reality hits, someone may know me / us? Likewise driving to meet someone who may have enough interest for a threesome a question comes up, what I / we do if we see someone we know? Maybe on the way back home to have the threesome, the question that was overlooked, do we have any identifiable information laying out that can be discovered? If it is a friend who is chosen then a lingering question becomes, will our friends find about the threesome? The above scenarios highlight an issue every threesome faces, the issue of privacy and how to protect yourself.

Like every decision, having a threesome carries risk and a risk is privacy. Privacy covers everything from knowing information about you that you would prefer not to be known to being exposed, ‘outted,’ as it sometimes referred. If your families, friends, co-workers know about your threesome lifestyle then being ‘outted,’ is not a risk. For those who are just starting out or those who work in public facing roles, this can have a devastating impact. This article will address this issue and provide an opinion regarding how to mitigate this issue.

Understanding the Risk:

This involves asking yourself, what is the worst that can happen if people knew? If your job has a moral turpitude clause in your contract or you work in a right-to-work state then it could mean the loss of your job. If the threesome involves someone who has decision about bids then it could be seen a bribery. In a public facing role then it could mean people treat you differently and depending on the role it could mean some type of action being taken against you. Short of these then the most likely outcome will be people who do not understand the decision. This could mean some loss of friends, friends who try to ‘fix you,’ because they do not agree with the decision, or distance from people who do not understand.

The other side to this is asking what happens if the person / couple that is invited knows about my personal life? For some this may not be an issue. However for others with children, in public facing roles, jobs that may be at risk, or do not want others knowing then the questions becomes, what is the impact if the other person(s) knew? Asking this becomes helpful in determining how much personal information about yourself you want to share and the risk of sharing it. The less you know about the person / people you are inviting then less personal information you should share.

Asking yourself, if the risk is worth it becomes paramount to any decision to have a threesome.

Coming up with a Plan:

After thinking about the risk of people finding out the next question becomes, how to deal with people if they find out. This might mean having specific approaches to different people. For a friend that is open-minded but who can be judgmental at times then saying, “I am not looking to be judged and it is my decision. It was a good experience but I do not know if I will do it again,” might be sufficient. Whereas a friend / family member who oppose the idea taking a stronger tone might be more appropriate such as, “I am not discussing it.”

In contrast those who might be supportive and want to know about it, the issue becomes what to share? This type of situation requires keeping the identity of the other(s) private and not providing any information that could identify them. Just because they may not know the other(s) you invited, it does not mean anyone else they tell may be able to deduce who they are from your description, in this situation ‘less is more.’

Protecting Your Identity and Information:

Thinking about the risk to your identity are who may cause issues is important starting point since it will help with taking the next step, knowing how to protect your identity and information. The greater the risk you face the more you will need to work at keeping your information private and your identity private. This means any conversation you have, any profile created, any ad, and any reply you need to have a consistent set of information. Simply put creating an alias that provides some basic information but hides information that can identify you, for example:

• A couple living in Skokie, Ill becomes a couple living in the Chicago area.
• Brad & Janet now becomes Mary & Joseph
• A math teacher in for a high school in South Dakota becomes an educator
• Age – never use your real age and tweak it bit by + / – 5 years
• Height / measurements – never use your real measurements. Instead use approximates or words
  • 190 lb & 6’0 – can become slightly taller than average height with build in line with height
  • 275 lbs & 6’1 – can become tall with a large build
  • Hair color, eye color, skin tone, tattoos – avoid a lot of detail, keep it approximate, and avoid giving away information that can identify you
• Length of marriage or relationship – is optional and keep it approximate. Instead of saying married 22 years instead say, married nearly 25 years.
• Job – Is optional, if stated never state company and keep it vague like educator or engineer.
• Family size – should never be stated unless children are over 18 and not living at home. Then profile / ad becomes children have left for university or are now married. In all situations this is optional.
• Address or any other identifiable information – should never be listed.

Protecting your identity goes further, especially if you bring anyone to your place. Depending on your level of comfort you may want to put family photos, especially children photos, out of sight. Also any bank information, credit card, or any other information that could be used to steal your identity should be put out of sight.

If you are asked specifics about yourself then you will have to decide if it is relevant, why they need to know, and more importantly if you are comfortable disclosing it. Sometimes questions are asked as a part of conversation to be social and other times it is more about learning about you. The latter can be dangerous since it can lead to feelings developing and identifying who you are.

Dealing with Request for Information:

This can become a balancing act. If you withhold too much information then it may seem as though you are aloof and hiding something. However too much information you may risk exposure and potentially more. There is no simple answer to this beyond stating using your judgement, understanding the risk involved, and if necessary being assertive by stating, “I am not comfortable talking about that.”

Conclusion:

The above is an opinion regarding how to protect your privacy while having a threesome. Each situation is different the risk needs to be evaluated. The greater the adverse impact of having a threesome on your job and / or personal life then the greater the need for protecting your privacy. The more threesomes you have then the more you will learn the level of information that is required and the extent to which you need to protect yourself.

Related articles

• Fantasy threesome versus reality of having a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• George’s & Melissa’s Threesome Adventure – Chapter 4 (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Fantasy versus Reality – Part 2: Having a threesome what does it mean? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• What does having a threesome involve from a couple’s perspective (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Why does my husband or boyfriend want a fmf but not mfm? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Identifying potential time waster replies and fake profiles (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Why does my spouse / girlfriend want a mfm instead of fmf? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Pulling back from the cliff (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Evolution of a threesome relationship to an open relaitonship: Relationship structure, Multi-partner relationships, and Communication (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Surprise Threesomes Do They Work? (3somes.wordpress.com)

Identifying potential time waster replies and fake profiles

Time waster real or imaginary?

Imagine for a moment, you have joined a web-site looking for a potential third person to join you for a threesome and now the replies are flowing. How do you identify fake replies or replies form time-wasters?

In response to a request from a follower, I have decided to write about reviewing profiles and replies in determining if they are a potential time-waster. Also I will discuss some of the topics that tend to come up such as sending photos and identifying married men claiming to be single.

I struggled a bit writing this with this since by writing this, I would be alerting potential time-wasters that some of their tricks are known and it might make it more difficult to spot them. Nonetheless, I felt educating my followers was more important and I will give a few pointers. Even though I am giving a few pointers, it does not mean it will identify all time-wasters and it may potentially identify legitimate replies as being time-wasters. Therefore it is imperative anyone reading this uses it as a guide and use their own experience for identifying time-wasters.

Hallmarks in Profile / Ad:

• Elusive or very vague Ad / Profile
• Short ad / profile lacking any details
• Poor grammar and / or spelling
• Arrogant, narcissistic, and / or inflated sense of self
• Incorrect or overuse of lifestyle terminology.
• Ad uses lifestyle terminology makes the ad awkward.
• Attempts to make themselves look legitimate
• Lack of warmth, friendliness, and the ad is not very inviting.
• Ad / Profile style, content, information, or tone seems similar to another / other profiles on the site

Hallmarks in Replies

Usually there are a few hallmarks, signs, in the reply that may alert you that you may have received a reply from a potential time-waster, these signs include:

• A rush to meet – (e.g. I do not waste my time with emails, when are we meeting?)
• Push for photos (e.g. How do I know you are legitimate without a photo?)
• Game playing / manipulation (e.g. delaying meeting, showing aggressiveness in replies, etc)
• Name calling or stating you are not a legitimate couple (You are not a legitimate couple wanting a threesome, if you are then we would have met.)
• Focus on one member of the couple and not seeing you as a couple (I love to eat pussy and can please the ladies)
• Belief that there is a problem in the relationship and seeing themselves as the solution (You would not be looking for a threesome if your husband could please you in bed)
• Profile and replies not in sync. This is typical for married men who claim to be single. For example their profile may state they are single and free to meet any-time. However when you suggest a meet, for example on a weekend evening, their reply states they cannot meet on the weekend due to the kids.

The main thing to remember is the decision to have a threesome resides with you. It cannot happen without your consent and it needs to happen at a speed that you are comfortable with. If you are getting pushed to meet before you are ready or being pushed for photos to prove you are legitimate then the person is not right for you.

Identifying Married Men who claim to be Single

There are some out there who believe having a threesome with a married man whose wife does not know is acceptable. However, from my perspective I believe it open the threesome up to a lot of drama and married men should be avoided. Below are some potential hallmarks of a reply from a married man:

• Changes meeting time or day at last moment
• States he cannot meet at a time when previously states he was available
• Elusive about being married and may use terms liking dating or in a long-term relationship to avoid answering the question directly. May attempts o skirt the issue or minimize the fact he is married (e.g. “I am in a loveless marriage that has been over for years and we are staying together for the kids.”)
• May state wife is agreeable to him having a threesome without her. If he states wife is agreeable to him being a threesome then ask to speak to the wife and actually speak to her since. If they are in an open relationship then the wife should have no issues speaking to you.

Sending Photos

With technology to alter photos and to copy photos from the Internet, I do not believe sending a photo in the beginning proves legitimacy. All it proves, I believe, is you are able to send a photo via email and it does not prove you are a couple. The issue I have with sending photos is it proves nothing while at the same time it potentially opens you up for your photo being shared on the Internet. This means if you send an R rated or X rated photo then be prepared that you may find it being shared on different web sites since once you send the photo you no longer have any control over it. If you have a job that is public facing or friends / family that are sensitive then be careful about what you send. Ideally, this author feels, if photos are going to be exchanged then they should only be exchanged after you have spoken with them and both of you send photos as I way to identify each other when you meet in public.

Posting photos in your profile / ad

In regards to using a photo in your profile / ad, as an author, I have a different view. I do not believe it is necessary. However, I do feel, people do relate to photos and it may help with receiving more replies. Also, I feel, it might help in limiting replies from time-wasters. However, any photo should not show other people and definitely should not include any children. The type of photo to include can be:

• A photo of you shot at a distance, in order not to show detailed facial features if you are concerned about privacy and be prepared that someone might know it is you. A good example is vacation / holiday photo.
• Partially naked or naked photo shot below the head. This is good for privacy concerns.
• Partially naked or naked photo showing head if privacy or people you know finding out is not an issue
• If you are a couple then a photo of you as a couple. Again shot from the distance if you are concerned about privacy and be prepared that someone might know it is you. A good example is vacation / holiday photo.

How long should corresponding take?

There is no set time limit to number of replies to corresponding before meeting. A person that is truly interested in meeting and having a threesome with you will give you the necessary time before you are ready. This means there should be no pressure tactics or manipulation being used to get you to agree meet in person before you are ready and have taken the necessary steps to plan for your safety.

Can I end the correspondence without seeming like a time-waster?

Just because you send an email asking for further information and to explore the potential of meeting for a threesome does not mean you have to meet. You or the other can end corresponding before meeting. The reason for ending the correspondence can be varied from not having enough interest / attraction to a change in mind about having a threesome.

If proper etiquette is followed then an explanation for ending the correspondence is not needed but if you are asked keep it simple, “I / we are pursuing other interests at the moment and thank you for your interest.” This should be sufficient and if you are pressed for a more detailed explanation then state you will not provide a further explanation.

Realities and Myths – Personal Biases

This section is meant to draw a contrast with the above sections to highlight time-waster is perceptual. When we begin this journey of reviewing and replying ads there is a tendency of being everything to everybody. After doing it a few times and realizing it is not possible since everyone has their own preference. Furthermore, you will learn that your profile appeases a certain segment of the site and as couple you are drawn to certain types of profiles. The challenge lies in finding a way for both of them to be in sync. If not it raises some fundamental questions surrounding expectations, the type of person that is interested, and approach being used. By developing an awareness and accepting that not everyone is going to be drawn to you, it is possible to eliminate those who are compatible rather then perceiving them as time wasters.

Comments

If you have any comments or insights about spotting time-wasters please feel free to share them.

Related articles

• What does having a threesome involve from a couple’s perspective (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Why does my husband or boyfriend want a fmf but not mfm? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Group Sex Angst (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Taking one for the team – A brief introduction (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Fantasy threesome versus reality of having a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Fantasy versus Reality – Part 2: Having a threesome what does it mean? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Pulling back from the cliff (3somes.wordpress.com)