Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)


Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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Threesome Foursome: Adding Spice to an erotic experience by trying an unique position


Introduction

Planning a threesome? Wondering what position to use? Maybe split roast, double penetration, and watching while to the invited male fucks your wife while you watch is becoming blase. Regardless below there is an opportunity to add some creativity and excitement to your threesome by trying new positions. The plethora of positions listed below are a collection of threesome positions for both mfm and fmf along with a few foursome positions.

Cosmo Twitter After Dark

Cosmo Twitter After Dark regarding realistic threesome positions. It is a good article. However the cartoon like drawings and the descriptions are light-hearted; however the light-heartedness, I feel, detracts from the purpose. Nonetheless, I believe, this is a great piece that is worth the time to review.

AskMen – UK

Cosmo does a great job with article on threesome positions. In contrast AskMen – UK is more pragmatic. Instead of 15 positions it focuses on 7 positions using real-life models along with discussing the benefits of each position.

DatingAdvice.com

The list on this site adds to the depth of positions available. The only drawback, unlike the other sites listed here, this site provides descriptions without video or photos; instead this site relies on descriptions.

SexualPositionsFree.com

This site takes an unique approach to the topic of threesome positions by using wooden figures in various positions.

YouTube – Living La Vita Loca (fmf / mff threesome)

For YouTube videos this is very well done and it focuses on threesome position for a two woman threesome

Finally

Regardless if you opt for a familiar position such as split roast or something more adventurous, the one thing that is clear having a threesome  can greatly enhance for any couple.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

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How to separate love from sex


londonSeven Steps to Minimize the Chance Feelings Will Develop for the Third Person

Intro

The backbone of every successful threesome is the ability putting aside feelings for the third person in order to have an enjoyable threesome. It would be remiss of me ignoring that sex is a very intimate act whereby a bond is created with those is participate and putting aside all feelings is necessary. Instead putting aside feelings mean keeping enough of an emotional distance from the invited third person that allows the marital relationship or committed relationship to continue while still being able to have a threesome.

Putting aside feelings sounds easy; however, many of buy the relationship warranty that sex must equal love or at least, sex can only occur with someone we share an emotional bond. By buying a relationship warranty means we are buying the idea that sex is about caring and that for sex to occur we first must build a relationship with them. While buying the relationship warranty is necessary for marriage or a long-term relationship, buying the relationship warranty for a full threesome can produce catastrophic results.

So, how can you have a threesome and keep feelings out of it? Below, I will give you seven points that can help you avoid buying the relationship warranty for having a threesome.

1) Limit the amount of contact with the third person

The more time all three of you spend together the more likely feelings will develop. This is a result of proximity or simply put, a result of having repeated contact with the same person.

In order to limit the chance feelings develop due to amount of time spent together, it is ideal trying to make a decision about having a threesome based on attraction instead of attempting to develop a relationship with the third person.

Also limiting the number of threesomes, such as one-off, can help reduce this risk too.

2) Limit Rewarding Behavior

Having a full threesome is more about having sex then forming an emotional attachment with the third person. This means the information being shared should be information that is necessary for a threesome to occur and not be information that allows the development of feelings.

Also, this includes limiting any rewarding behavior that encourages development of feelings. Rewarding behavior can be anything from looks, statements, or behavior that encourages the formation of feelings. Limiting rewarding behavior may sound as though the threesome is quite academic, sterile and void of any enjoyment. Instead limiting reward behavior mean finding a balance between letting the third person know you enjoy their company and creating a situation whereby ‘crossing the line’ happens the threesome becomes something more.

3) Having a History Together

Having a history together is vital. The longer a couple has been together, understand each other, and choose having a threesome as an extension of their relationship then the less likely they are developing feelings for someone else. Also having a relationship history is vital in understanding your partner, communicating with them and being able to work with them through any tough time.

4) Avoid Having a Threesome During a Period of Major Stress Relationship Stress

Stress and poor decision making are synonymous but deciding a threesome is a good choice during a major life change may be the decision that topples the relationship. Likewise avoid having a threesome during a time when the relationship is under stress since the may lead to the wrong decision being made.

5) Choose Your Third Person Carefully

Choosing the third person is vital for a successful threesome. Ideally the third person should temporarily fit into the relationship. Fitting into the relationship means:

  • Each person, as a couple, agrees to them
  • There is either a physical or intellectual attraction to the third person
  • The third person does not leave one member of the couple feeling excluded, jealous, or angry
  • They were not chosen because they can provide something that is missing in the relationship
  • The third person respect the boundaries
  • The third person respect the couple’s relationship, is not disruptive, and is not demanding.
  • The third person understand their role in the threesome and does not try to dominate

6) Communicating  Debriefing

It goes without saying communicating and debriefing are essential to keep a relationship healthy, including minimizing the chance feelings can develop for the third person. Without communication and discussing feelings it is likely a having a threesome will devastate a relationship.

7) It Starts with You

The type of threesome you want lies with you. This means the decision

  • What happens in the threesome
  • Boundaries
  • Regarding the third person
  • How you perceive perceive the threesome
  • How you perceive the third person
  • How you react to the threesome
  • How you react to the third person
  • How you react to your spouse / ‘significant other’
  • Your feelings before the threesome, during the threesome, and after the threesome

are all within your control.

Finally

Nothing in life is easy, especially having a threesome. However having an enjoyable threesome that is not disruptive to the relationship is possible but it will require work. Taking time discussing the threesome, potential choices, and its possible impact will go a long way in reducing the chance feeling for the third person will develop. Also, take time to plan it and choosing when to have it will also help. Finally all of the reading on the topic will not guarantee feeling for the third person will not develop and the responsibility for ensuring it will not happen lies solely with the couple.

Part 7: Coping with having a threesome a.k.a facing the realities of having a threesome


IMG_8702How do I handle having a threesome?

Porn movies leave us believing beautiful people just rip-off their clothes and a threesome just happens without impunity. Whereas talks shows and news programs during sweep week wants us believing having a threesome will lead to some cataclysmic catastrophe. Since the topic of having a threesome is not openly discussed and not much honest information is available, what we believe about having a threesome is not always true. Somewhere between the two extremes is where 99.9999% of all threesomes occur. This article will explore the remaining 99.9999% by talking about the issues and what you can do in order to get through it.

Being a part of a threesome

Up to that point a threesome remains somewhat abstract and it can be difficult to understand what it means to have a threesome. Having a threesome means having sex with someone else whereby you watch, you have sex with the third person or a combination of the two. This means at some point, as a couple, one of you will be having sex with someone other than significant other while the other watches. If it is your first time it can be quite erotic or it can be very brutal. Also, it means what you are feeling versus what you are witnessing can be quite different.

In my honest opinion there is no way to completely prepare for it beyond discussing it along with discussing your feelings. Then after the threesome talk about the experience and anything it made you feel. In addition, I believe that if you get jealous, angry, or easily upset then having a threesome may not be the best choice for you.

A threesome cannot be undone

As a threesome approaches it is possible that you may look towards it with a child-like glee and there is nothing wrong with that. It protects from over analyzing it and keeps us from worrying too much about small details. The problem is up to the the point of undressing and penetration a threesome can be stopped. However once intercourse starts there is no way to stop it and the only thing that can be done is viewing the experience differently. It is therefore better to make the decision slowly with much thought then rush into whereby you regret it later.

Feelings for the invited third person can develop

It is easy to say it is important to keep feelings separate from having sex. No matter how much we try to rationalize sex, the reality remains sex is a very intimate act and when intimacy is involved it is likely there will be some emotional attachment.

How do you minimize or prevent feelings from developing is not easy but there are few suggestions worth considering. The below are suggestions and each couple will need to consider them in light of their situation:

  1. Avoid choosing friends: A relationship and feelings already exist. Having a threesome can bring these feelings to light and make a threesome very complicated.
  2. Do not make getting to know the third person a very drawn out situation: If your goal is not a ‘poly’ / open relationship threesome then taking a lot of time in getting to know the third person is not needed. Instead when contacting the third person the contact should be limited in collecting enough information to make an informed decision about having a threesome with them. This means once the question, “Am I comfortable enough with them to have sex with them?,” can be answered then proceeding with the decision should occur. Simply put having a threesome is about sex over a short-period of time and not developing a long-lasting emotional relationship with the third person.
  3. Limit involving the third person: Because the act is intimate there maybe a desire to invite the third person to social events and / or treat them like a friend. The more they are involved the greater the chance feelings might develop.
  4. Keep an emotional distance from them: This restates number 2 and 3. Also it means avoiding questions or behaviors that will elicit feelings developing for them. The best thing the contact with the potential third person should be kept to an absolute minimum.
  5. Limit the number of times with the same person: The more you have a threesome with them the more likely feelings will develop.
  6. Develop a network of threesome friends: Having a network of friends that you have threesomes with and share an interest in threesomes with will help to reduce the chance that feelings for an individual will develop.
  7. Look at putting boundaries in place to protect the relationship and limit feelings from developing. You know yourself the best and if there are certain actions / behaviors that might lead to develop feelings then putting in place boundaries to prevent it will help.

As a couple the two of you will have different experiences

Even though the two of you are in the same room and experiencing it together your reactions may be remarkably different. It is possible one of you may enjoy it while the other may be indifferent. Likewise one may enjoy it while the other absolutely hates it. It is important that your threesome planning take this possibility into account.

In my opinion, we are all different and experience things differently. I believe threesomes are about enjoyment and pleasure instead of trying to have the same viewpoint about a threesome. The best way, I believe, to prepare for this is being ready to accept each of us are different and react differently. Also I believe, trust and knowledge about your spouse / partner factors into this. If you can trust your partner and you know your partner then it will go a long way in making a threesome a positive experience.

You are in this together

As adults we make adult decisions that requires us to make a decision where the outcome is not known. This means the decision to have a threesome is a decision that is made together and made with the understanding that each individual participating share the responsibility for its success / failure. Also it means, throughout the threesome process taking a ‘team approach,’ I believe is much better than approaching it as, ‘how can I get my needs met?’ Moreover during the threesome, applying the ‘team approach,’ means focusing on your partner and their needs to ensure they are being met instead of the third person’s needs.  At first the idea of focusing on your partner may sound counter-intuitive but if you apply the ‘team approach’ idea, it means working together ensuring each of you are happy in the threesome. Then, if you continue with having a threesome, focusing more on the third possible becomes more of a possibility.

So, how do you approach a threesome as a team and then transition focusing on the third person? The best way is communicating about your needs and expectations. Then discussing them with the third person and set their expectations. By continuously communicating about having the threesome, your needs, and its impact on you then as a team the two of you can work together in ensuring each individual need is met.

How do you know if you have found the third person?


IMG_8490_pencil sketchAfter Posting the Profiles and Respond to Replies, What is Next?

Introduction

Searching for a third person to join a threesome takes a lot of work. After posting profiles on various web sites and responding  the work can bring 50 – 100 replies in less than 72 hours. After sifting through all of them you identify 10 that seem like a possible match? So, how to you make the right decision?

Making the right decision is not based on an accepted standard but based on the needs of the couple. It is the couple’s expectation, boundaries, and the type of person they are seeking that will drive their selection. Selecting the third person is driven by their discussions about what they want and expect from a threesome. Even when the couple believes they have done everything possible to make the right decision sometimes the unexpected happens. This article is meant to present some ideas on how the decision process might operate but the ultimate decision lies with the couple.

Are you Being Realistic?

Probably the very first question that should be asked, are we being realistic? This means are the expectations and standards being used realistic? Examples include:

  • Meeting someone with celebrity looks and body instead of someone with normal features. Looking for someone with celebrity looks may mean a long-time searching to find the person that meets your expectations.
  • Expecting the third person to be a great communicator and highly sociable even though many of us are nervous about meeting new people. The first time talking with the individual maybe awkward and expecting an electrifying experience probably will not happen.
  • Expecting instant and electrifying ‘chemistry’ even though it may take some work or time before any ‘chemistry’ develops.
  • First-time will just be like the porn movies. Reality is very different from the movies. If for example you are pursuing a two male threesome then it is possible one of the males might suffer ‘performance anxiety’ or due to the stress of the situation be a fast ‘cummer.’ For the woman she many find climaxing or becoming lubricated to be difficult, if not impossible.
  • Believing the invited male will be well endowed and believing everything in their profile is 100% true. Size, in this author’s opinion, should not be the defining feature to choosing someone. In addition, profiles become outdated and they can be overstated.

Without having realistic expectations it means at a minimum the threesome most likely will be disappointing since expectations were too high and at its worse it will mean the threesome will not happen because no one is able to meet such high standards.

Take it at you own speed

Some people believe those who are slow to respond or will not meet after the first reply are not legitimate. Whilst, the point is understandable, it does not take into account the schedule of the couple, the time they have to devote to their search, and it does not take into account that the couple may just be starting out. The best way to approach this, I believe, is to be upfront in any reply, profile or ad about how fast things will happen. In my opinion one of the worst things that can happen is being forced into making a decision about a threesome or having a threesome with a specific individual before being ready. Therefore it is best to progress at a speed that is comfortable and not change it for fear of loosing a possible playmate.

Initial Contact and Sequential Contact

As stated above progress at a speed that is comfortable for you. For couples just starting out my recommendation is to have your first contact via email with a lot of questions. Below are a few suggestions for questions:

  • If using a threesome / dating site ask questions based on their profile
  • What is your experience with threesomes?
  • Have you had many threesomes?
  • If they had a threesome:
    1. what was an enjoyable about it?
    2. What was not enjoyable?
    3. How long did the threesome relationship last?
    4. Why did it end?
  • Are you currently dating anyone?
  • Are you in a relationship?
  • What are your expectations for a threesome?
  • What are your boundaries?
  • Have you ever had an STD? If so, what is it? Are you now clean?
  • What would you like to try / explore in this threesome?
  • Are you comfortable with a one-off situation?
  • Do you practice safe-sex?

The above questions are not an exhaustive list of questions you can ask a potential third person but a sample of possible questions. Then the replies can serve the basis for more questions.

Probably after a few cycles of reply there will be a sense if this is someone that you want to pursue. If you are interested in pursuing them then the next step should be a phone call. Ideally a pay-as-you-go, sometimes called no contract, mobile / cellular phone works great. They can be quite cheap under £50 (UK) / $50 US. Plus the phone is disposable thereby protecting your home number and personal cellular / mobile from being called.

Again, be realistic about the call. The call is not meant to be erotic and most likely at least one of you will be nervous. Instead, the call is meant to make some contact with the other person and begin to form a relationship that could be used for a future threesome. Before making the call the couple should agree the content and purpose of the call. Is it to make contact and decide after a few more calls to have a threesome. Alternatively is it to arrange a meeting to see if there is compatibility? When making the call it will be a good idea if both members of the couple are present since the invited person will, most likely want, to confirm they have been corresponding with a couple. Since it is not a face-to-face meeting and there is a good chance that at least one is nervous or wanting to impress, the call is not a good judge of compatibility.

At some point if there is enough interest, all three will meet. Meeting should not be equated with the notion that the threesome will definitely occur. Instead it should be seen as an opportunity to meet the other person in order to determine if there is enough compatibility for a threesome to occur.

Ideally for a couple who are new to threesomes they should consider if the first meeting is a meet and greet. A meet and greet is where all three meet in a public area but no sex occurs during that meeting. This means the purpose of the meeting is a no-pressure situation whereby compatibility and interest ascertained before sex occurs. Thereby giving the couple a chance to discuss the idea and make the decision regarding having a threesome.

What is compatibility?

Compatibility means there is enough interest and physical attraction by all three for a threesome to occur. At a very high-level it means enough is known about the other person in order to allow a threesome to occur and it also means it is not a relationship situation where a lot of time is needed for a decision for a threesome to be reached. Some things to consider when considering if the person is compatible:

  • Are you comfortable around them? Is your partner comfortable around them? If both of you are not comfortable around them then they are not compatible.
  • Can you see yourself / your partner having sex with them? If they elicit feelings such as anger, depression, or jealousy then they are not a good choice
  • Are their values in line with yours? If you feel they are not a part of your station / crowd in life then it might be a good idea to pass on them.
  • How do they act towards you and your partner? If they show an interest in one then a good chance they are not compatible?
  • Do you feel either your partner / spouse or you are carrying the conversation? Again probably not compatible?
  • When they talk where is their eye contact and who are they including? If they are not making eye contact or not working to include both of you in the conversation then there is a good change they are not compatible?
  • How relax do you and your partner feel around them? If both of you are relaxed and the conversation easily flows then a good chance they are compatible.

Conclusion

Finding the right person does not mean settling for the first person nor does it mean rejecting everyone because they do not meet a very high standard. Instead it means closely examining if they are compatible with you and examining your comfort level with them. Also it means taking a close look regarding your expectations for the planned threesome and trying to keep them as realistic as possible. By this it means the greater the chance the person that is chosen is the right person. Finally, in answer to the question, you know you have possibly found the right person when there is no pressure to meet and there are signs that they are compatible with the you.

Discretly finding the third person


Dessins de Martin van Maele. Para Zoloé et ses...

In the beginning

Having this site I do receive bountiful number of questions that get asked to which I will personally reply but this question asks two very fundamental questions that I feel is best answered by writing an article. It is my hope this helps others who have similar questions.

First question, how do they find a third person without announcing it.

Second how do you find someone without going into the party scene?

Why is the party scene bad for a newbie

The questions are similar enough that I will answer second question, regarding finding someone, first. To begin with, each option carries a degree of risk that can be managed if enough thought is put into the meeting and safety is considered. This does not mean it will be 100% safe or be uneventful. Instead it means careful planning can improve safety and increase the chance of having an enjoyable experience.

When looking for a threesome probably the worst place you can look is the party scene. The party scene can involve drugs and alcohol making a horrible combination for a threesome. Also, the party scene is not the best place for a couple just starting out because it requires communication and decisions being made very quickly. It is not impossible for someone to be successful at a party but like anything else, some learning needs to occur. By not having some experience, cues can be missed or misinterpreted. As a result it can lead to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, or breaching an agreed boundary. In my opinion, unless the couple knows someone who will act as a guide for them then it is better for them to develop their threesome skills before trying a party.

Swingers Clubs

Swingers club does offer a better option. There are variety of sources for finding a swingers club. Most swingers clubs because of alcohol licensing laws and adult entertainment law are BYOB (Bring your own bottle).  Meaning they do not serve alcohol and tend to have strict rules regarding drug use. Depending on the club, they can be a very welcoming and supportive place for a couple just starting out.

Nonetheless, swingers clubs are expensive. Costs can include buying the right dress since many clubs will not allow jeans and sneakers. If you live in a rural, sparsely populated area, or in the suburbs driving may become a factor. In very sparsely populated areas driving time to travel to to a club may be several hours. Finally a swingers club, like a party, requires solid social skills that need to be learned.

Online

Dating Websites and Threesome Websites

Many couples take their introduction into the world of wife sharing and group sex by going slower while protecting your privacy is using an online dating web site. that provide several advantages.

  • Allows creating an alias to protect identity and to limit information being provided
  • Replies can be screened
  • Speed of reply is set by the member.
  • Provides a medium to ask questions
  • A greater opportunity for communication and a greater opportunity for global discussions about taking the ‘plunge’ into having a threesome.
  • Greater control
  • More opportunity to communicate with the potential third person

In essence, it gives you to control about who you speak with and the speed at which you develop enough information to decide if having a threesome with the individual is practical.

A major drawback can be the expense along with the time needed. This is especially true if the search includes a single bisexual female, sometimes called a unicorn. A second drawback is people tend to create an online facade and it will take some time in order to break through that facade in order to understand the real person and once you meet them they may not be the person whom they say they are.

Amateur Photo Sites

Along with or as an alternative to using a sites designed for threesomes are amateur photo sites. Similar rules apply for creating an alias but on these sites it is better if you do not advertise you are looking for a threesome. Generally speaking using an amateur photo web site is a great choice if you are wanting a soft-swing experience by using photos or having a web cam experience.

These sites tend to create a voyeur experience and it may mean you have to invest a bit more time since the individual may think you are trying to create a threesome fantasy for them instead of a real experience. Plus you may have to spend some extra time doing some vetting and building up a relationship to have a threesome because individuals tend to want the fantasy of having a threesome instead of actually having one.

Holiday Vacation

Third option might be having a threesome while on holiday / vacation. This is an excellent option if privacy is an issue, job is an issue, or if developing feelings for the third person will become an issue. By having a threesome while away will protect your privacy, limit involvement, and can lower resistance to the idea since the risk of someone finding out is low.

The drawback to this option is the expense involved because such an option requires traveling several hundred or several thousand miles for this option to be effective.

Cellular Mobile Phone Applications

Fourth option as technology changes there are more options to find someone outside of the normal channels. I am reading some sites are developing apps for phones. Since these apps or still either in development or in their infancy it is very difficult to comment on them. The only thing I will say at this moment is be careful in regard to safety and security. This means doing your research on the app before installing it.

In answer to the second question of how to find someone without using the party scene? There are least four ways to be discrete about finding the third person. The choice comes down to your level of comfort, the risk you are willing to take, the expense, and which method best fits your needs.

Second question how to approach the third person without offending them?

Approaching someone regarding a threesome is at a minimum anxiety provoking and at the worse it can be deathly frightening because of degree of emotional vulnerability. This means in order to have a threesome you need to be gregarious and confident. A couple that is socially awkward may find themselves may miss opportunities because they are too afraid to say anything because they are afraid offending the other person or fear being rejected. If having a threesome important enough then becoming outgoing enough to let the other know your boundaries, preferences, and dislikes will happen.

The secret is following basic rules of etiquette, communicate, and be a gracious host. Spend time listening to the third person instead of talking too much or trying too hard. If time is taken to observe while listening and responding accordingly then there is little that will offend the third person.

With that said, having a threesome requires trust, communication, and a willingness to explore; this normally leads to a relaxation of social rules to allow a discussion regarding the threesome. Also it allows each person’s social guard to be lowered thereby allowing for sharing to occur. In the event a couple can be good socially then things ideally should fine.

What does this mean for the couple? If they are in a situation where it is implied the meeting is a threesome / group sex then it is implied the reason why everyone is there is to have sex. However if it is more intimate such as arranging a meeting to discuss the idea then the discussion needs to be a bit more delicate especially if the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest in having a threesome. In a situation where the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest then the best way is to be direct about their interest. Alluding to the idea or using euphemisms will only lead to confusion thereby making having a threesome difficult.

Final Thought

In answering the second question, the best way not to offend the third person is to be open and honest about your needs. This means being assertive and  not doing something that makes you uncomfortable in order to please the third person. It may also mean finding situations where it is assumed that people are looking for a group sex experience like a threesome thereby removing some of the uncertainty regarding if the third person is seeking a similar experience.