Having the initial discussion

Deveria16Bringing up the idea of having a threesome

How do I bring up the idea of having a threesome? What do I need to discuss when I bring up the idea? If my partner says “no,” how do I convince them to have a threesome? These are all common questions when considering bringing up the idea of having a threesome and this article will explore beginning the discussion of having a threesome.

To begin with, there is no way you can convince your partner / spouse to have a threesome. The best you can do is communicate you are open to the idea, communicate the boundaries for the experience, and you will support your partner / spouse if this agree to explore the idea.

So how do you bring up the idea? This is author feels there is only one way to bring up the idea, it is by being direct about the idea outside of the bedroom and done when nothing sexual is occurring. Being direct means not using euphemisms, not using innuendos, and not alluding to the idea. It means speaking confidently about the idea and being able to articulate the type of threesome you want. Being able to do this means, taking the time to consider the idea and feeling secure in the decision. Also it means not pressuring your partner into having a threesome and listening to their concerns. Finally it means understanding your partner well enough to know how to approach them and how to discuss the idea with them.

How do become confident enough to discuss it? A part of it involves being someone who is confident and without being confident then your partner is less likely to feel confident it is the right decision for them. Another part involves understanding the type of threesome you are wanting. Without understanding the type of threesome you are wanting, the risks, and without understanding what a threesome may mean for your relationship then it is unlikely an open discussion about having a threesome can occur.

This brings up the question, what happens if you feel confident about discussing the idea but your partner resists the idea? If you feel your partner will discuss the idea with you then there are two routes to consider. First route is taking small incremental steps, outside of the bedroom, in discussing the idea. There are many ways to do this such as asking about people your partner finds attractive, talking about subjects that indirectly relate to a threesome, or talking about their beliefs about relationships. Then begin building on the discussions. The advantage to this approach, it provides some insight about potential feelings about a threesome and if done correctly it allow for the opportunity to abort the discussion should it become clear a threesome will not occur. A disadvantage to this approach, especially if too long or wrong, your partner may become defensive and not be willing to discuss the subject with you.

The other approach involves foreplay. Foreplay is a way to introduce the idea of having a threesome through discussion of a fantasy or role-playing a third person joining the two of you. However, this approach works well for introducing the idea in a non-threatening way but it is a lousy indicator about the receptiveness of your partner to the idea.

In conclusion, introducing the idea of having a threesome involves understanding threesome and coming to terms with the impact a threesome may have on your relationship. After feeling confident in the idea the next step is to introduce the idea in a direct way outside of the bedroom. However, in some instances, it may mean building up to the conversation. This can involve trying to break-down the discussion into smaller parts by discussing aspects that relate to a threesome. The other approach involves bringing up the idea through role-playing or foreplay. In all cases there is no guarantee of success and if done correctly, it may open communication. Finally even though bringing up the idea of having a threesome maybe met with a lot of resistance and the answer may ultimately be “no,” we do not know what the future holds for us. Lovingly accept the answer but be ready the answer may unexpectedly change.

37 thoughts on “Having the initial discussion

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  5. When I experienced my first threesome, an MFF, my wife brought it up to me one night after the girl who was the other F visited with us. She pointed out to me that the girl wanted to have sex with me (and us wholly) – I missed it, totally, by the way – and simply said – not asked, mind you – “Since she wants to go to bed with us, what day to you want to do this on?”

    Yeah, it was really that simple and the only reason why I agreed to do this thing was because I thought I was being punked and this was a huge joke at my expense. So imagine the look on my face when the girl showed up, ready for sex, exactly when my wife said she would.

    And it was an amazing experience. The next day, I asked my wife why we didn’t have a discussion about this instead of her deciding this was what we were going to do; she laughed and said, “We did discuss it – I did ask you what day, remember?”

    What I learned from this is that this simple discussion works when neither person really has an issue about it; but since a lot of men and women aren’t so inclined to indulge like this, some really deep and lengthy talks are in order… once the one partner gets up the nerve to ask the other partner, that is, because heads can roll just bringing the subject up.

    • This author agrees a simple discussion can work, especially if there is are no issue and the discussion does not need to be protracted. However for some, as time goes on, it can bring up feelings and the “lines of communication,” need to be open in order to discuss feelings and not to discount them.

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