In the beginning
Having this site I do receive bountiful number of questions that get asked to which I will personally reply but this question asks two very fundamental questions that I feel is best answered by writing an article. It is my hope this helps others who have similar questions.
First question, how do they find a third person without announcing it.
Second how do you find someone without going into the party scene?
Why is the party scene bad for a newbie
The questions are similar enough that I will answer second question, regarding finding someone, first. To begin with, each option carries a degree of risk that can be managed if enough thought is put into the meeting and safety is considered. This does not mean it will be 100% safe or be uneventful. Instead it means careful planning can improve safety and increase the chance of having an enjoyable experience.
When looking for a threesome probably the worst place you can look is the party scene. The party scene can involve drugs and alcohol making a horrible combination for a threesome. Also, the party scene is not the best place for a couple just starting out because it requires communication and decisions being made very quickly. It is not impossible for someone to be successful at a party but like anything else, some learning needs to occur. By not having some experience, cues can be missed or misinterpreted. As a result it can lead to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, or breaching an agreed boundary. In my opinion, unless the couple knows someone who will act as a guide for them then it is better for them to develop their threesome skills before trying a party.
Swingers club does offer a better option. There are variety of sources for finding a swingers club. Most swingers clubs because of alcohol licensing laws and adult entertainment law are BYOB (Bring your own bottle). Meaning they do not serve alcohol and tend to have strict rules regarding drug use. Depending on the club, they can be a very welcoming and supportive place for a couple just starting out.
Nonetheless, swingers clubs are expensive. Costs can include buying the right dress since many clubs will not allow jeans and sneakers. If you live in a rural, sparsely populated area, or in the suburbs driving may become a factor. In very sparsely populated areas driving time to travel to to a club may be several hours. Finally a swingers club, like a party, requires solid social skills that need to be learned.
Dating Websites and Threesome Websites
Many couples take their introduction into the world of wife sharing and group sex by going slower while protecting your privacy is using an online dating web site. that provide several advantages.
- Allows creating an alias to protect identity and to limit information being provided
- Replies can be screened
- Speed of reply is set by the member.
- Provides a medium to ask questions
- A greater opportunity for communication and a greater opportunity for global discussions about taking the ‘plunge’ into having a threesome.
- Greater control
- More opportunity to communicate with the potential third person
In essence, it gives you to control about who you speak with and the speed at which you develop enough information to decide if having a threesome with the individual is practical.
A major drawback can be the expense along with the time needed. This is especially true if the search includes a single bisexual female, sometimes called a unicorn. A second drawback is people tend to create an online facade and it will take some time in order to break through that facade in order to understand the real person and once you meet them they may not be the person whom they say they are.
Amateur Photo Sites
Along with or as an alternative to using a sites designed for threesomes are amateur photo sites. Similar rules apply for creating an alias but on these sites it is better if you do not advertise you are looking for a threesome. Generally speaking using an amateur photo web site is a great choice if you are wanting a soft-swing experience by using photos or having a web cam experience.
These sites tend to create a voyeur experience and it may mean you have to invest a bit more time since the individual may think you are trying to create a threesome fantasy for them instead of a real experience. Plus you may have to spend some extra time doing some vetting and building up a relationship to have a threesome because individuals tend to want the fantasy of having a threesome instead of actually having one.
Third option might be having a threesome while on holiday / vacation. This is an excellent option if privacy is an issue, job is an issue, or if developing feelings for the third person will become an issue. By having a threesome while away will protect your privacy, limit involvement, and can lower resistance to the idea since the risk of someone finding out is low.
The drawback to this option is the expense involved because such an option requires traveling several hundred or several thousand miles for this option to be effective.
Cellular Mobile Phone Applications
Fourth option as technology changes there are more options to find someone outside of the normal channels. I am reading some sites are developing apps for phones. Since these apps or still either in development or in their infancy it is very difficult to comment on them. The only thing I will say at this moment is be careful in regard to safety and security. This means doing your research on the app before installing it.
In answer to the second question of how to find someone without using the party scene? There are least four ways to be discrete about finding the third person. The choice comes down to your level of comfort, the risk you are willing to take, the expense, and which method best fits your needs.
Second question how to approach the third person without offending them?
Approaching someone regarding a threesome is at a minimum anxiety provoking and at the worse it can be deathly frightening because of degree of emotional vulnerability. This means in order to have a threesome you need to be gregarious and confident. A couple that is socially awkward may find themselves may miss opportunities because they are too afraid to say anything because they are afraid offending the other person or fear being rejected. If having a threesome important enough then becoming outgoing enough to let the other know your boundaries, preferences, and dislikes will happen.
The secret is following basic rules of etiquette, communicate, and be a gracious host. Spend time listening to the third person instead of talking too much or trying too hard. If time is taken to observe while listening and responding accordingly then there is little that will offend the third person.
With that said, having a threesome requires trust, communication, and a willingness to explore; this normally leads to a relaxation of social rules to allow a discussion regarding the threesome. Also it allows each person’s social guard to be lowered thereby allowing for sharing to occur. In the event a couple can be good socially then things ideally should fine.
What does this mean for the couple? If they are in a situation where it is implied the meeting is a threesome / group sex then it is implied the reason why everyone is there is to have sex. However if it is more intimate such as arranging a meeting to discuss the idea then the discussion needs to be a bit more delicate especially if the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest in having a threesome. In a situation where the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest then the best way is to be direct about their interest. Alluding to the idea or using euphemisms will only lead to confusion thereby making having a threesome difficult.
In answering the second question, the best way not to offend the third person is to be open and honest about your needs. This means being assertive and not doing something that makes you uncomfortable in order to please the third person. It may also mean finding situations where it is assumed that people are looking for a group sex experience like a threesome thereby removing some of the uncertainty regarding if the third person is seeking a similar experience.
- FAQs – Finding a third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Frequently Asked questions about choosing a third person for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs about boundaries (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Swingers (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Writing an ad – Advice for single males (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome Terminology (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Polyamory vs. Threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)