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Simulating a threesome

Posted in Techniques / Positions, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Introduction

How do you have a threesome without actually having it? Maybe your question is, how do you take small steps that safely allows exploring the idea of having threesome? Answer, there are a variety of ways and this article will examine a few of the techniques available.

Fantasy Sharing / Pillow Talk:

Sharing the idea as a fantasy as a part of foreplay, during sex, after sex is a great way for creating an erotic encounter or maintaining interest. The great thing about this is it can be spontaneous where your minds can run wild, it is easy for each person to maintain their comfort zone and it does not require a lot of preparation. A major drawback, it is easy for the line between fantasy and reality to become blurred. Unless the discussion shifts from fantasy to discussing the making it a reality during the ‘cold-hard light of day’ then assume the idea remains a fantasy.

Watching Porn

At first I debated if this should be included in the ‘Fantasy Sharing / Pillow Talk,’ section and I decided to make its own section. Watching threesome porn, this author feels, is a great way to share the fantasy and if the couple chooses, us it as a way to start the discussion about having a threesome. Also, it can serve as a way to get new techniques and ideas for fantasies. It is important to remember porn is fantasy that shows professional actors acting about a threesome fantasy. This means it is unrealistic to expect a real threesome to be similar to a porn movie.

Role Playing

Role playing a threesome essentially is simulating the idea of having a threesome as real for the couple as possible. Before the role play starts a safe-word, a word that could not be confused as a part of the act, should be chosen and used to stop the role play if it becomes too uncomfortable for a participant. Next step involves the role-play itself. It can be as simple as a fantasy description during foreplay using toys or fingers to simulate the third person. On the more elaborate side, it can be an elaborate play whereby the couple develops a scene. The scene can be the woman going into a bar flirting with another guy while her partner watches from a distance or it can be her male partner pretending to be someone else who seduces her without her husband knowing about it. It is important to note, if the scene involves people who may unknowingly participate it can cause problems and potentially put safety at risk. Finally even though simulating a threesome may be arousing actually having one maybe different. Therefore, it is always to important to remember there is a difference between the fantasy of having a threesome and actually having a threesome. The difference lies in the fact during the fantasy each participant remains in control of what happens but during a real threesome the ability to control the situation, to a great extent is lost, since the outcome is dependent on the third person’s interaction with the couple.

Sex Toys

Sex toys provide a great way to explore the idea of having a threesome without actually having one. They can be used in conjunction with role playing or used on their own. This is one area where creativity and imagination can be limitless.

Lap Dancing Club

Attending a lap dancing club is another way to simulate having a threesome but be prepared to be charged money. By attending a lap dancing club the sex is simulated and usually with the client not being able to touch the dancer. It can give a powerful visual representation of what a threesome might be like but again it is not a real threesome.

Swingers Club

There is a misrepresentation that you must participate if you go to a swingers club and generally speaking it is not the case. Attending a swingers club to meet people and to watch can provide a perspective that may not be open to you. It can provide some insight and make having a threesome as real as possible without actually having it. With that said, it is important to agree to boundaries before going and be prepared if approached to politely, yet assertively, tell people that you are not looking to play that evening. If you are not comfortable telling people ‘no’ then you may find putting yourself and / or your partner in a situation that they would rather not find themselves. Finally before going for your first time it is recommended to contact the club. They will advise you and arrange for you to join. Normally a swingers club will charge a membership fee. Usually the fee is to meet legal requirements along with attracting the type of clientele they want.

Soft-swinging

As an author, I debated if I should include soft-swinging since it involves another person. However after much though I decided to include it since it does not involve having sex with the third person and in my view, soft-swinging is the closest the couple can have simulating a threesome without it actually occurring. Soft-swinging by definition means sexual activity does occur but penetration does not. This can be anything from having someone watch you having sex to kissing, fondling with clothes all the way to rimming. As a technique for simulating a threesome soft-swinging can provide a transition for a couple wanting a full-swap threesome but is not ready for it. Likewise for a couple who wants to remain monogamous to each other then soft-swinging can provide the best of both worlds, the ability to have a limited threesome while remaining monogamous to each other.

Posting Pictures on amateur sites:

Nothing can be more exciting than taking a few suggestive then posting online and then reading the comments. The comments then can serve as fuel for further fantasies, give further ideas, and add a few sparks back. If you are going to do the above then ensure the whole process is transparent (e.g. user name, password, and all information is accessible) and boundaries are agreed about how far the experience will go. It is easy to to get ‘taken-away’ by the moment and go further then you might be willing to go.

Web Cam

Some may remember when web cams first came out, the issues with video streaming and having the computer recognize the camera. With web cams becoming inexpensive, high speed broadband, and faster processors the problems with web cams have been resolved. For a couple that wants the experience of having a threesome without the STD / STI then “camming” provides an alternative. Probably the biggest drawback, in this author’s opinion, for “camming” is the risk of being discovered or your computer being hit by a virus. The latter can be reduced by using good internet security software, using reputable sites, and practicing safe internet surfing habits.

Conclusion

The above does show there is a way a couple, who may want a threesome but is reluctant to have a full-swap, can explore their interest without actually having a threesome.  Each option has its advantages, disadvantage, and risks; however, it is up to each couple to decide which one(s) suits them the best.

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Suggesting a threesome – What does it mean?

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Indian bisexual ménage à trois. Miniature from...Does Suggesting a Threesome Means the Relationship is over?

Introduction

Imagine your significant other stating, “I want a threesome,” and with those four words, your world suddenly changes. All of a sudden a flurry of emotions hit you and it feels as though your relationship is over. After the emotions hit then the deluge of questions come: How could they suggest it? Why am I not good enough? Are they bisexual? Don’t they love me? These are some of the questions that play like a tape in your head. How do you respond? Do you cry, get upset, or deal with it rationally? It seems beyond any logical explanation as to why after years of being together your partner suddenly suggests a threesome. Before responding, it might be worth reading this article and thinking through your response.

Reality, there are many reasons as to why your partner may have suggested a threesome that seems, ‘out of the blue’ and the starting point is to examine the events leading up to the suggestion in order to get some context. This article will examine some of the possible reasons and perceived reasons why they may ask for a threesome.

They have someone in mind

It is possible there is someone else and by asking the right questions it will become clearer. Even if they have approached someone it could mean they are overly enthusiastic about the idea because they thought you would agree and therefore, it is important that you speak with them about it before deciding there reason for wanting a threesome is because they want to be with someone else.

They no longer love me

If they were no longer in love with you then most likely they will not suggest a threesome and probably opt for cheating or leaving the relationship.

They are gay / bisexual

This is a possible explanation especially if there are other signs that indicate this. It could be that they are curious about what it is like to be with someone of the same gender. If there is a curiosity then it may be something they want to explore and after no more than few times it may be something that they loose interest in doing. In many situations this is most likely not the situation and another explanation may better explain the reason.

Fantasy

It could be they are sharing a fantasy with you and as the fantasy is shed for the reality of having a threesome, they may either loose interest or they are moving slower to make the idea happen.

Friend / Co-worker is bragging about their experience

Unlike 5 or 10 years ago, having a threesome is less taboo. This means people are more willing to talk about the experience and share their experience with their friends or co-workers. When these stories are shared typically the more salacious details are disclosed in order to make it more interesting while ignoring the rest. If this is the case your partner became intrigued with the idea after hearing about their friend’s / co-worker’s experience.

Trust / Opportunities

Your partner may have an enlightened view of relationships and sex. It is possible they have suggested having a threesome as a way to demonstrate that they trust you and they do not want you to feel confined to a relationship. Essentially they want to give you an opportunity to explore your sexuality and develop a relationship with you.

Solidifying the relationship

This can happen early in a relationship. Typically the woman suggests by the threesome in order to show their partner they are sexually adventurous and can be open minded. Normally the threesome is done as a one-off or a few times before the couple becomes monogamous.

Comfort / Security

Your partner may feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. Thereby, suggesting a threesome shows they do not see it as a threat to the relationship and would like to explore the idea. This does not mean that they have fully thought through the idea nor does it guarantee that the threesome will be successful. Instead it suggests a person who feels the relationship is working and would like to do some exploration.

Taking the next step / misread cues

Your partner may have suggested the idea during foreplay or during ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of having sex. They may have assumed because you seemed open to the idea then that you will be open to the idea now.

Your partner’s view and beliefs about relationships

It may be your partner has a progressive view regarding sex and relationships; by suggesting a threesome they may be communicating to you their ideas of where they want to see the relationship go.

Relationship issues

Normally this is not the case, but if the relationship has become stale or mundane then suggesting a threesome could indicate that it is be sought in order to ‘fix’ the relationship.

Life Changes

A typical time to see this happening, this author believes, is during the ages mid 30 – 50s or when children leave home. Also after a life event that forces some self-reflection and forces a change in behavior.  Finally as we grow older and have different experiences our views change. It is possible someone, when younger, opposed threesomes but as they age their views change. Therefore it is possible attitudes towards having a threesome have changed due aging and experience.

Sees you as their life-partner / soul mate

There is a theory that states, threesomes is a method of ensuring that a relationship endures by giving their partner the freedom to have other sexual partners while doing openly within the confines of their relationship. By providing the freedom to have other sexual partners it minimizes the risk of cheating and helps improve communication thereby helping maintaining the relationship. This is backed up by some statistics that shows approximately 25% of couples who have been married more than 10 years have had at least one threesome. While 25% is well below half, it is about twice as much of the general population thereby suggesting for some couples it does have a role.

As an author, I am well aware of the ethical dilemma studying an issue of threesomes in married life can cause. Since more statistics regarding threesomes are surveys and heavily influenced by how the question is written and who answers the question, I do not put a lot of weight on them.

Regarding the validity and reliability of the above theory, I believe there is some merit to it since life-expectancy is growing. However, as an author, I believe there is a lot more that goes into a successful relationship than having a threesome and I believe it maybe one element, if done correctly and for the right reasons, can contribute to it.

Finally / Conclusion

The above are generic explanations as for possible reasons why your partner might unexpectedly suggest a threesome. It does not mean the above list is an exhaustive list covering all possible explanations. Instead it is means there are many reasons why they may have suggested it; thereby requiring you to think about your feelings on the subject based on their suggestion and speaking with your partner about their reasons for suggesting a threesome before giving a reply. Only by speaking to them and putting into context their reason will you begin to understand their reason for suggesting the idea and by speaking with them about it, will it help to improve your relationship with them. Finally whatever you decide should be based on your beliefs on what you feel is best for you and not what others want.

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FAQs regarding soft-swinging

Posted in FAQ, Types of threesomes by

masturbation b

What is soft-swinging?

The term soft-swinging implies that the couple involves someone else with them when sex occurs between them. However the involvement of the third person is limited to no oral or penetrative sex. This means in most situations woman on woman activity is not included in the definition and the role of the third person includes a voyeuristic element to it.

Does the definition include all male on male activities?

The definition does allow for mutual male masturbation and incidental contact between the males, provided no oral or penetrative sex occurs in the threesome.

What female on female activity does the definition include?

The definition includes kissing, touching, caressing, breast play, mutual masturbation and not involving toys or a strap-on.

How come you have excluded most female on female activity from the definition?

This author believes a strong argument can be made that female on female activity by definition is soft-swinging since it is impossible for penetrative sex without the aid of a toy. However, this author goes beyond the mechanics and looks at the broader picture. If penetration is occurring, regardless if it is a toy or a penis, then it is sex.

Are there any advantages of soft-swinging over a full swap?

The term advantage is perceptual and depends on the planned situation and definition of soft-swinging being used. Arguably soft-swinging may offer a lower risk of STD / STI, may offer a lower risk of pregnancy by the third person, preserves monogamy, and it can give the couple a group sex experience without having sex with the third person.

 Are there any disadvantages to soft-swinging?

Again the response depends on the definition of soft-swinging and the planned situation. Some possible disadvantages may include feeling sexually frustrated due to sex with the third person did not occur, feeling pressure to have a full-swap, and inviting a third person to participate in sex brings up further issues.

Does safe-sex need to be practiced in a soft-swing situation?  

Yes, since safe-sex is more about protection from STDs /STIs than pregnancy. For example, herpes and HIV / AIDs do not require intercourse or oral sex to be transmitted. Instead it requires a person come into contact with the infection and the infection to be transmitted through an unprotected barrier.

What positions work in a soft-swing situation?

Since the third person does not have sex with the couple and only take on a voyeur role, when it comes to sex, then question applies to couple. Generally speaking any position works. However, if the goal is ‘give a show’ for the third person then doggie-style, big dipper, or fusion may be positions to consider.

How can we incorporate the third person?

The response depends, to a large extent, on the needs of the couple and their limits. Inviting someone to watch can be quite erotic. However, if you are looking to incorporate them then there a lot of options:

Two Males

  • Mutual masturbation in order to arouse the woman, to arouse each other, and to provide a sexual release for the third person.
  • Invited male caressing the woman and / or giving her a message
  • Invited male caressing her breasts, sucking and playing with her nipples.
  • Invited male kissing the woman
  • Woman masturbating her partner in front of the third person
  • Woman masturbating the invited male
  • Woman having sex with her male partner in front of the invited third person

Two Women

  • Invited woman masturbating the male
  • Invited woman kissing, caressing, and touching the male or woman
  • Two women physically interacting, short of penetration, in order to arouse the male and them.
  • The couple having sex in front of the invited woman

What advice can you give to single males regarding soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging means you will not be having sex with the couple and there will be a voyeur aspect to the role. Nonetheless, it does mean some male on male contact is possible, such as touching or mutual masturbation. Also, it means that some physical contact with the woman is possible. Next it means if a couple opts for soft-swinging it does not necessarily mean at a later date they will be open to a full-swap. Some couples enjoy soft-swinging and it maybe as far as it progresses with them. This means for you, do not agree to a soft-swinging situation with the expectation that a full swap will occur at a later date. Lastly, it means it can be a situation that leaves you feeling sexually frustrated afterwards. Therefore, the choice is yours; it is important to remember in this situation you need to communicate your needs and your desired activities to the couple.

If we have an open relationship is soft-swinging a good way to have an intimate encounter with my partner / spouse and my lover?

A lot depends on the boundaries that have been agreed and it also depends if all three of you can be comfortable in the situation. If all three of you can be comfortable and it will not destroy the relationship(s) that have been developed then it is something worth exploring the idea. Should all three of you agree it is workable and all three of you feel that you can work through the feelings then it is something to try. It maybe all three of you find it leads to a very erotic experience.

If we have an open relationship and want to try soft-swinging then who does not participate and takes on the voyeur role?

It depends on how you define open relationship and the type of open relationship you have. If it is not a polyamorous or ménage da trios then it is this author’s feeling it should be the individual with whom the secondary relationship is formed. However, if you are in a polyamorous or menage da trios relationship, then this author feels this open to negotiation among the three of you.

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MFM questions for a couple

Posted in Questions, Threesome opinions, Threesome Stages, Threesomes by

Drawing by Francesco Hayez. Español: Dibujo de...Potential questions for a single male to ask a couple

The power of a mfm threesome relationship resides with the couple, since they have a choice of many men they can invite. This means they can reject the male they are communicating with and choose another.

Unfortunately this can leave the single male feeling powerless since he knows they couple has many choices of available males and if he asks questions then he may push them away. Reality is asking questions ensures the single male the couple is a good fit for them, it shows the couple he respects their relationship, and by asking the appropriate questions will reduce the chance the single male will be a part of any relationship drama.

Below is a list of possible questions to ask the couple. The list is not an exhaustive list since the list cannot anticipate every possible response and many questions a that need to be asked are based on the specifics of the planned threesome. Instead this list is meant to guide the single male regarding questions to ask the couple and couples an idea of the information they should be communicating to the single male. The questions are listed from easier questions to ask, from this author’s perspective, to asking the socially difficult questions.

If you do use all or any of them, this author would like some feedback regarding their usefulness in order to make the necessary changes to them.  Also, if any of the questions are not clear or you feel more needs to be added the please let this author know.

1) Have you had a threesome before? IF the couple states ‘Yes’  then follow-up with

a.   If so, how did each you feel about it?

b.  How did it impact your relationship?

2)  What is the reason for the two of you wanting this threesome?

3)  How did the two of you reach the decision to have a threesome?

4)  What are your boundaries? IF the answer is we have ‘none’ or it is vague then asks as a follow-up?

a.  Is kissing acceptable?

b.  Is anal sex a possibility?

c.  Will you be performing oral sex?

d.  Can I ejaculate in your mouth?

e.  Bareback or condom?

f. Feelings on male on male activity?

g. Any other questions in order to define acceptable boundaries

5)  Where do you want me to cum?

6)  Will your partner be participating or watching?

7)  Will this be a one-off or are you looking at meeting again? Alternatively you can ask, “would bringing in another girl in the future be on the table?”

8)  What do you not like?

9) What do you enjoy?

If the answer is vague or ‘anything’ then potential follow-up questions, provided they it is something that they have not stated    they do not like in the previous question.

a.  Do you enjoy being fingered?

b.  Anus being played with?

c.  Being eaten out?

d.  Do you enjoy your nipples being sucked?

e.  What positions do you enjoy

f.  DP

10) Who do you want to have sex with first?

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Guidance for couples – writing an ad for a threesome

Posted in Etiquette, Relationships, Threesome Planning, Threesome Stages, Threesomes by

Intro

It is 3:00 in morning, the house is quiet and the two of you want to write an ad for a threesome, how do you it? Hopefully by this point the enough of a discussion has occurred that will allow the ad to be written without further discussions. The ad should reflect your personality as a couple, some very non-specific information about the two of you, along with covering your boundaries and the type of person you want to meet as a third. Essentially you are using words in painting a picture, as a couple, you want from a threesome.

Think before leaping

Writing an ad can elicit many feelings from fear of rejection to sure excitement. It is important before writing the ad some time is given thinking about the type of threesome, the type of person you are trying to attract, and also what each of you brings to the threesome. By thinking through the idea it will help to write the ad, along with increasing the chance that the threesome will be successful and increase the chance of finding a person that is suitable.

Using words to reflect your personality

Very few of us are masters of the written word but when placing an ad being an accomplished writer is not necessary. However, your style and the way you write will attract some people while turning away others. Therefore, the words you choose say something about who you are and it is important that the right image is created. This means taking the time to edit, spell check your ad, and taking a few moments to grammar check it too. Choppy sentences, run on sentences, and sentences with misspelled words can discourage potential candidates from responding. Before writing the ad it might be worth reading through other ads to get an idea of style of writing and what others include in their ad.

Also, it means do not write the ad as though you just took a creative writing class or swallowed a dictionary. Furthermore an ad does not read as though it was written by a well known author from the romantic period in literature nor does it need creative words to be effective. Instead write the ad as though you were confidently talking to someone about having a threesome with the two of you, what would say? How would you say it? What element of your personality would come through to them? How would they describe you as a couple?

Finally as you proofread your ad think as though you were responding to it. read What would you think? What image does it create in your mind about the couple? Is this a couple you would want to meet? If not, then it is a sign more editing is needed.

Non-specific information about the two of you as a couple

This ties with the first part and it is not as essential as the other parts. The purpose here is to provide a reader of the ad insight into the couple and to attract people with similar interests. It is also used to make the author of the ad sound more personable, what you like to do as couple, and approachable.  For example it could be, “… Fred likes to sing and Missy likes to run in marathons,” or might be something like, “… as a couple we like watching movies.” It is important to remember, the information here should not identify you, it should be short, and it should be very generic.

Boundaries

This is a key element to the ad and boundaries need to be included. Providing a laundry list of boundaries or going into details about your boundaries is not necessary at this point. Only a few key boundaries or a very general summary should be included. An example might be, “… Mary enjoys most things but is not into giving oral.” Another example, “We are looking for a male to join us for a straight threesome since Fred has no interest in male on male contact.” Final example, “We are middle the road couple who enjoys most sexual things except anything extreme, which includes water-sports and Roman showers.” Once you get a reply and begin discussing the idea with someone then you can go into more details about your boundaries.

Type of person you want to meet

If the two of you have not discussed this in much detail you may struggle with it. This is the section that will let the reader know the type of person you want to meet and the type person you do not want to invite. Essentially this should work as a filter to help you sort through those you are most likely to be interested in meeting and those you are most likely not interested in meeting. Characteristics you may want to consider:

  • age / age range
  • relationship status (married, committed relationship or single)
  • sexuality (straight, bi, gay)
  • gender / sex
  • someone who is looking for a one off situation or an ongoing situation
  • someone who is able to accommodate or someone who is not able to accommodate
  • body build
  • sexual interests (dp, bondage, any other legal sexual interests)

Summary

Placing an ad for a threesome does not need to be a tumultuous experience. Instead an ad is a summary of your interests in having a threesome along with your limits. It should try to reflect the type of couple you are and the type of person you want to meet. A well written ad  will go a long way in meeting the need and it can provide dividends for the couple by providing them with quality responses to their ad.

Defining cheating

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

As children we saw a cheater as someone who broke the rules to win and learnt sex outside of marriage was wrong. Then as an adult we saw a cheater as someone who significantly benefited when they skirted their moral, though not necessarily a legal obligations. However, as we became adults the black and white definition of cheating became diffuser. No longer was cheating black and white as it was when we were children. As we became older and started dating we learned cheating was not a religious issue, it was not a moral issue, but an issue based on definition. We learned cheating was based on applying the context of the situation to our beliefs.

If you were to ask a 100 people what is cheating in a relationship you will receive 100 different answers. This means there is no universal or widely accepted answer for cheating. Instead cheating comes down to the couple’s definition and their boundaries.  For this article cheating means intentionally or recklessly violating the agreed or implied boundaries.

Boundaries for this discussion means, the implied and agreed limits of behavior. This means boundaries become established through repeated interaction and communication. By having established boundaries, it serves as the foundation for the defining cheating and if the boundary is violated then cheating has occurred. This brings up the question what is an intentional violation versus an unintentional violation? Intentional means a knowing or reckless disregard for the boundary.  An example is:

Couple A, Joe & Mary, set a boundary for a threesome that it will be soft-swinging with no vaginal penetration. The threesome occurs and in the heat of the moment Mary allows vaginal penetration. Does this mean cheating has occurred?

The starting point here is the boundary, of no vaginal penetration, and from Mary’s action her behavior clearly violated the boundary. However, without more information, it is possible the boundary may have been an unrealistic boundary that would have been broken.

An unrealistic boundary means the boundary would have been broken because maintaining the boundary would not be possible. It is possible, in this scenario, the couple did not consider the impact of arousal on decision making and Mary allowed penetration to occur because she thought Joe would enjoy it, based on his responses during the soft-swinging experience and Mary thought it was impractical to stop the threesome so that she could speak to Joe about it. Does this mean Mary has cheated?

The above scenario highlights an important aspect of boundaries and the definition of cheating, intention. Using the above fictitious couple lets assume they have another threesome and set another boundary for a full threesome, oral sex is acceptable provided the male does not cum in Mary’s mouth. Nonetheless, during their threesome the male cums in Mary’s mouth, does this mean Mary has cheated?

On the surface it appears that Mary has cheated but there are two questions that need to be answered. First, was the male a quick ejaculater? Meaning, he came too fast to allow her to react and essentially this was an unnecessary boundary. Second what knowledge did Mary have about him being ready to cum and did she have sufficient warning to prevent him from cumming in her mouth? In this author’s opinion the above scenario may mean there was no cheating because there was not intention.

What does this all mean? It means cheating is defined by  established boundaries but it is dependent on the context of the actions of the individual. It is possible that a boundary is violated but no cheating did not occur since the individual’s behavior did not show they intended to cheat. Therefore, in planning a threesome it is necessary to consider the boundary and then consider how realistic that it will be followed in the planned threesome. Without taking the time to consider the impact of a boundary it may lead a couple to put in place boundaries that may make sense but are not practical thereby creating unnecessary conflict in their relationship.

Understanding Soft-Swinging

Posted in Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Types of threesomes by

Voyeurs !

Have you ever found the idea of having a threesome arousing, especially during foreplay?  Only to find, apprehension about the idea or concerns about preserving the relationship forces at least one of you to step-back from the idea? Stepping back from the idea after taking steps towards it can create feelings of frustration and wishing there might be happy medium.  It can also create “mixed-messages” and confusion regarding true intentions about having a threesome. For some couples the practice of soft-swinging may offer an alternative or a route to have a threesome by approaching the idea slowly.

Defining soft-swinging is not easy since the term does not have a universal definition and for the purpose of this article it will mean a two male threesome, mfm, whereby the invited male is not sexually involved with the couple that invited them. Soft-swinging does not include foursomes where there is no interaction between the couples and it does not mean a two women threesome, fmf, whereby the male watches.  Also for the purpose of this article, soft-swinging does not include oral, anal, or vaginal sex. It therefore means, soft-swinging involves any activity that does not involve penetration or close sexual contact with the invited male.

This leads this author to the question, why would a couple choose to have a soft-swinging experience? There are numerous reasons. However the most likely reasons include: it can keep the couple:

  • sexually monogamous
  • keeps  the couple physically monogamous
  • significantly reduces the risk of STDs/STIs
  • significantly reduces the chance of pregnancy
  • for some couples it can serve as a gateway to the group sex scene including threesomes
  • it provides the couple with the opportunity to have someone watch them having sex

Essentially, soft-swinging for couple provides a taste of having a threesome while minimizing the risks of having a threesome and it also provides for a couple a chance to experience a threesome without fully committing to it. This means soft-swinging can offer couples the best of worlds, protecting the relationship and having sex while someone else is present.

What are the drawbacks of soft-swinging? On the surface it can appear there are limited drawbacks to soft-swinging but as with anything else, soft-swinging does have its limitations. One major limitation is finding someone interested. Soft-swinging can leave the invited third person feeling sexually frustrated and it can leave them loosing interest in the couple if they believe a threesome will occur that does not occur. Final drawback it can be emotionally intense especially if an individual participating in it is not ready for it. Essentially, this means it can cause emotional damage to the relationship if boundaries are crossed or it was more that what they were expecting.

So, how do you find someone interested in soft-swinging? It is not always easy since this practice is a sub-set of the threesome community and interest tends to be with having a threesome instead of soft-swinging. Nonetheless, you can look in the same places as you can for a threesome. The best advice is being upfront and honest about the limitations to the encounter.

For some couples soft-swinging can provide an alternative to a threesome or can provide a bridge for having one. Nonetheless soft-swinging call allow a couple to remain monogamous to each other while experiencing a threesome. However, soft-swinging can expose a couple to the emotional issues and similar risks that a couple having a threesome will face. Therefore a couple deciding to try soft-swinging needs to evaluate the risks and potential benefits before deciding to undertake soft-swinging.