Why you can never go back

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

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Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

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• Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
• Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
• Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
• Feelings toward your spouse
• How each of you relate to the other
• You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
• Feelings develop for the third person
• They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
• Other changes including though not limited to:
  • Increase in sex drive
  • Decrease in sex drive
  • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

Related Articles

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What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Why Couples Choose Cuckolding

Easing into wife sharing

25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking

First Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Introduction

Think of a situation where facing an unknown outcome, such as a job interview. Searching for a job is a journey that requires being able to influence. Preparing for a job interview requires doing research about the company, maybe researching something about the interviewers, and anticipating possible questions that might be asked all help in preparing. Other factors such as knowing the company’s pay tolerance for negotiating pay, contractual working conditions, and selling your skills in the interview to receive an offer becomes a combination of experience weaved with a degree of speculation. Being successful on this journey requires being able to influence the interviewer that you are right for the job and being able to demonstrate you are able to be firm while having a flexible attitude.

Most likely somewhere along the journey using quid pro quo was used or was considered being used. An example, “I am willing to undertake more traveling for a pay rise.” For those not familiar with the term quid pro quo, it means something for something or sometimes it is called a “win-win” situation. Whilst I am not a fan of quid and I try using it as much as possible, nonetheless pro quo t forms the basis for our lives from work to grocery shopping, and to a large extent how we relate to other people. In a more global sense quid pro quo underlies our free-market economy. So, it is logical to incorporate the principle in planning a threesome.

Preserving the relationship means avoiding quid pro quo

In a previous article in this series, I spoke about defining nice to have verses the must have for a threesome. There is a temptation in approaching the planning of  threesome as buying a corporation by employing a quid pro quo approach. An discussion might include a willingness to have a mfm threesome in exchange for agreeing to have a fmf threesome.

On the surface, this appears fair but it is not. Quid pro quo in planning a threesome does not take into account emotions and the outcome of the first threesome. Couples gravitate towards one type of threesome over another for a variety of reasons that includes factors such as:

• managing issues of jealousy
• preference
• compatibility
• sexual identity
• availability
• their location

Also, the outcome of the first threesome cannot be known and trying to plan a second threesome until the first one is known is not possible. by agreeing to have two separate threesomes it opens up the possibility of later conflict due to not wanting to have the second threesome.

Persuading without quid pro quo

Avoiding using quid pro quo is not easy since it can be instinctual but it can be done. In the previous article I talk about viewing a threesome as a marathon and using time as an advantage. The same principle applies here, instead of time it is breaking journey from discussing the idea through to the threesome into manageable steps. This means, planning out the steps that need to occur, identifying any possible issues, and it means clarifying for yourself what is negotiable. After developing a plan, it is time to try it, regularly review it and make changes where needed.

Related Articles

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Defining Monogamy – A Barrier or a Natural Limit?

Intro

Imagine standing at the departure gate, at an airport, and looking out. On the other side of the glass are planes taxing for take-off to distant destinations and as plane take off other planes are landing. Further in the distance there are building, roads, and a line of traffic. Behind you are people all flying off to another destination sitting on chairs, shops, and walls. Monogamy is like being at an airport, surrounded with boundaries but within those boundaries are choices that can take you to other destinations.

Defining Monogamy

Why is defining monogamy important? Monogamy is society’s ideal definition of a relationship. It define how a couple should act, what is acceptable, and it place a limit on behavior. Essentially monogamy is the standard by which a relationship is judged. A couple that momentarily entertain the idea of breaching the ideal standard will face an internal struggle and if discovered breaking the ideal standard will most likely face scorning. It is is the brick wall that will keep a couple from trying a threesome and acting in a socially acceptable way.

What is monogamy? From a relationship perspective it is a consenting adult relationship that is exclusive. Using this definition a couple does not engage in having a relationship or sex with anyone else beside their chosen partner. Even with today’s enlightened sexual attitude towards gay marriage and televisions shows dealing with polygamy, monogamy is still the strongly preferred relationship structure.

History of Monogamy – a brief introduction

Defining monogamy from a historical perspective is much more difficult since monogamy is not a natural evolutionary choice to provide a diverse gene pool but a choice imposed by the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire. The definition of adultery prior the imposition of monogamy is very different than what we know today. Adultery was regarded a married man having sex with a married woman, who was not his wife. This meant a married man could be married and have sex with a woman who was single. The reason, during this era, marriage was seen as a property transaction between the husband and the wife’s father. It was not until suffrage and civil rights movement of the mid-20th century when women began achieving equal rights as men.

As for other nonmonogamous practices polygamy existed during biblical times but it was not until the rise of Catholicism in the Roman Empire and priests attempt to control sex did monogamy become the legal requirement for a couple. There is a suggestion that wife-swapping occurred in ancient Britain and continued into the modern era. Wife-swapping as it is known today started in WWII.

Therefore, when discussing monogamy it is important to determine if it relates to biblical times or modern times since the biblical times definition is incompatible with today’s definition because a married man was permitted to have sex outside of his marriage with an unmarried woman.  Whereas today’s definition is gender neutral forbidding any sex outside of the primary relationship.

Types of Monogamy

So, what makes a relationship exclusive? Putting aside the definition of monogamy. I believe there are two parts to exclusivity, emotional and physical.

Emotional

When monogamy is discussed, it is my feeling, monogamy is being equated with emotional monogamy and I believe, the presence of emotional monogamy separates having a threesome from other non monogamous activities such as cuckolding. Emotional monogamy is the emotional bond that binds and keeps a couple together. It is the unspoken bond that pulls a couple through a difficult time and it is the unspoken bond that motivate to provide for their partner’s well-being. It is the intangible bond that define a relationship.

Physical Monogamy

Unlike emotional monogamy physical monogamy is very easily seen and experienced, simply put physical monogamy is sex. If a couple participates in any threesome activity, with the possible exception of soft-swinging, then physical monogamy is lost.

Monogamy and threesomes – Overcoming the Monogamous hurdle

So, how does a couple get over the monogamy hurdle to have an enjoyable threesome? For any couple just beginning to explore this idea the hurdle can be epic because it involves going against everything that has been taught regarding a relationship and the expectation that goes with it. From my experience, it involves changing perspective. Instead of trying to be same as every other couple and believing the same thing as them, try being a leader. View monogamy as a choice, instead of viewing monogamy as an absolute must have for the relationship. By this I mean, think about 10% – 25% of couples that have tried having a threesome and are still together. It is important to remember having a threesome is not a mathematical formula of: loss of relationship = threesome – monogamy. Another possible way, if monogamy is important to the relationship is viewing having a threesome as the loss of physical monogamy while maintaining emotional monogamy. This means viewing the act as a physical act whereby feelings for your partner is maintained.

Conclusion

Monogamy and polygamy have been around since the dawn of ‘man.’ It was not until the rise of the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire that nonomongamy practices became shunned. Even during the time nonmonogamy fell out of favor it still survived being reborn during WWII. Whilst I do not believe monogamy is the right choice for every couple. Monogamy still remain a driving force in shaping a relationship. If couple wishes to try having a threesome but feels monogamy is an issue then there are two methods they can try. First is viewing monogamy as a choice instead of an absolute the other method is viewing having a threesome as a physical act where feelings for each other will remain in tact. In answer to the question, is monogamy a barrier? That is a question each couple will have to answer based on their situation. Whatever choice a couple will make the choice must be in their best interest.  

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 19 May 2014

Intro

Another week is upon us and time for another list of 10 articles or stories you might have missed. This week there is a lot of variety including stories and information on polyamory.

Highlights

Polyamory Without Rules = Chaos is a well written and insightful article regarding the need for couples who have polyamorous relationships to establish boundaries. Even though the article focuses on polyamorous relationships the article is applicable to any couple desiring a threesome, cuckold, open relationship or foursome.

Power Play and Passion: Consent in the Kink Community is a very well written thought provoking that transcends the topic of sex and touches who we are as people? At the core of the article it asks the question, how much do we have to emotionally detach from people to have sex? Do we have to detach so much that we dehumanize the experience and see those with whom we have sex with as objects instead of humans?

On Cloud 9 and Script for a Threesome are two good stories worth reading.

1) Quad Weekend by Krystalla

2) Polyamaory Without Rules = Chaos? by Loving Without Boundaries

3) Safe Sex and Open Relationships: You Can Have your Cake and eat it too by Dancetinyfox

4) Power Play and Passion: Consent in the Kink Community by Polysingleish

5) Chapter 2 Michelle’s Journey of Becoming a Hot Wife by Threesomes and Variations

6) A Fantasy Shared by Cummins Girl

7) Script for a Threesome Will I be So Lucky? by Libido Bootcamp

8) Who is Better by Kinky Tiger

9) Poly Is Poly Isn’t by Diary of a Sadist

10) On Cloud 9 by Sublifedelight

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

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5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Intro

What is the biggest mistake someone who never had a threesome can make? Besides pressuring your spouse to have a threesome, in my opinion it is not having boundaries.

From my first threesome with my wife, we had a few very simple boundaries:

• One-off
• No contact afterwards
• We agree to have a threesome is a mutual decision and we will not use it against the other at a later date
• With the other invited male, we agreed it would be a straight threesome with no contact between the men.

The boundary about being a mutual decision and accepting that we will not use it against the other, I believe, is the one that has helped us the most. Since it is the boundary that took the power away from any potential conflict arising from the decision.

Unfortunately some who have a threesome for the first time, approach it ‘starry eyed,’ wanting their spouse to freely enjoy the threesome without limits. Only to find, as she passionately kisses her new-found lover before he ‘goes down’ on her before burying his head in her wet pussy that is craving his long hard cock, and fearing their relationship is about to end. At that fearful moment having the epiphany that having a few simple boundaries might have helped him reduce some of his concerns and allow him to enjoy the threesome.

So how do you set up boundaries?

1) Should be Clear

‘Over Engineering’ a boundary accounting for every potential event does not need to occur. Instead a boundary should have the same understanding for all involved. If the a boundary is no oral sex then everyone understand what makes up oral sex. Instead of assuming everyone has the same definition of oral sex.

2) Should not conflict with other boundaries

A boundary should give security about the extent an activity will occur and it should not conflict with another boundary. If there is a conflict between boundaries then it is likely a boundary will be violated leading to, at least, lack of enjoyment and at its worse the end of the relationship.

3) Limit the number of boundaries

Writing a laundry list of boundaries increases the chance some will be forgotten or even worse, ignored. Ideally try to keep the boundaries somewhere between 3 to 7. A boundary need to be broad enough to cover most situations and clear enough that everyone understands the expectation.

4) Periodically review them

Over time people and needs change. As you become more comfortable with cuckolding, having a threesome, or polyamory you will find there is less of a need for rigid boundaries. Nonetheless there will still be a need for some type of boundary and a boundary can change to meet the changing needs of your relationship.

5) Accept responsibility

Having a threesome is a decision made by three consenting adults who have an equal voice. The only person that can decide to go forward to have a threesome is yourself. If you discuss boundaries then take responsibility for the discussion and any later agreement that is made about them.

 

A teaser – A hotwife story Randy, Mark and Mary

I am floating a part of a chapter for my next kindle book. I hope you enjoy.

Chirping of birds, the bright spring sun shining through the bedroom window and Mark making breakfast pulls Mary from her slumber. It is much like an opening scene from a movie where everything seems perfect. A loving and understanding husband putting his wife’s needs before his. The house in a large perfectly groomed yard that is located in a quaint ideal town and ideal non-intrusive neighbors.

As she slowly gets out of bed she realizes her discussion with Mark, last night, regarding seducing Randy made sleeping difficult and contemplates the result of her unannounced visit with Randy later today. In her mind she sees many possible scenarios from him rejecting her to them being in bed naked with Randy being unable to get an erection and the fantasy that always gets her wet, a steamy sweaty orgy with several naked people performing various sexual acts on each other that looks like something from a porno movie. However, she knows Randy is still mourning and the former of her sexy scenarios will most likely be the result. Nonetheless, the thought fills her mind and her thoughts starts shifting about thinking her approach.

Yelling to Mark, “I am not going to wait. I am going to shower and then go over to Randy’s” About 45 minutes later Mary walks out the door wearing short-white blouse, short black skirt with no panties, black tights, and knee length black leather boots. As she leaves Mark is in the kitchen working from his laptop and does not notice her leave.

Walking next door to Randy’s house Martha, the preacher’s wife walks out of her house towards the church and yells to Mary, “Hi dear aren’t you a bit underdressed for this time of year?” Ignoring Martha, Mary knocks on Randy’s door.

“A bit early? I was not expecting anyone this early. I am not really dressed”

“Not to worry.” Mary feels like someone who is about to do their first presentation in a corporate boardroom and unsure how she is going to approach her seduction of Randy. Nervousness grabs her blindly like a young victim walking home though the dark alleys after a night of drinking unaware that her captor is waiting for her. Stuttering with her hands gently trembling, “Oh the reason I am here, I am wondering if you have some coffee and sugar we can borrow? We are all out and we just do not have the time to go buy some. If Mark is in the office he will usually buy some on his way home. Since he is working from home he cannot leave.”

She knows it is a lie that is leaving her feeling exposed and defenceless. If he lets her inside, how will she proceed? Mary thinks to herself by considering the possibilities. Will it be a steamy fuckfest where they rip of their clothes and have wild passionate sex? Or will the tension build until they release it like a dam releasing water in order to prevent a flood? Maybe he will not pick up on the cues leaving with sugar and coffee? “What happens if he reject me? How will I face him? What will the other neighbors think?” To Mary the few moments feel as though an hour has past.

Suspecting Mary is at his door for another reason, Randy thinks to himself, “Why would she come over wearing a short skirt and leather boots up to her knees to borrow coffee?” He pauses for a moment warmly responding, “Come on in and I will see what I have,” as he smiles at her. Walking inside, in front of Randy she turns facing Randy. “I will be right back,” as he eagerly leaves and pretends looking for the two items she is requesting. She waits a few moments until he enters the kitchen and begins looking for the coffee. Slowly she begins unbuttoning the top three buttons of her blouse, exposing her most of her breasts.

Mary quietly walks and times her entry into the kitchen when he has his back to her. Randy senses she is in the kitchen but continues acting as though he is not aware of her presence. Her presence reminds him meeting his wife for the first time eliciting many different feelings of excitement and wonderment. He begins reaching for the coffee in the cabinet over the stove and Mary walks up behind him wrapping her arms around his chest and pulling him close to her. As she feels his back pressing against her chest, it makes her feel secure. Pulling him into her, Mary feels the softness of his shirt against her bare chest.

“I thought you wanted coffee?” Randy teasingly asks.

With a seductive and vulnerable sounding voice, “I only used that excuse to get through the door because I want you,”

“I find you attractive and I have wanted you since I first laid eyes on you.”

Randy turning around to face Mary with her coyly smiling at Randy, “I know. We do not tell many people but Mark and I are very much into the lifestyle.” She pauses, unbuttons Randy’s jeans, and slides her hands down his pants lightly grabbing his manhood. As she grabs his manhood, she looks him in the eyes sounding confident and aggressive, “He knows I am here and he knows what I want to do to you.” As she finishes her last word, she can feel his manhood getting very hard, just like a large lead pipe and notices Randy breathing faster. Releasing her grip she looks at him, “Not now you are too excited. You need to wait.”

“I am not too excited and I can’t wait.” Randy tries leaning forward to kiss Mary and tries pulling her towards him.

Taking a step back, she then takes his hand placing it on her chest, “You need to learn to wait. The best things as those that are enjoyed over a period of time.”

Mary then walks over to his couch, sitting down, and unbuttoning her top two buttons. “It is getting hot in here. Why don’t you come over and join me?”

Randy is feeling as though he is running a marathon in a half-hour, “Maybe you would feel more comfortable in the bedroom?”

“Not yet, maybe a shower together might be what I need?”

Randy walks to the bathroom starting the shower. As he undresses he realizes he has not felt like this for years. The bathroom is a ¾ bathroom with shower and it comfortably fits one person standing. Mary undresses in the hall leaving her clothes there. She waits for Randy to get into the shower and she joins him.

“This is cozy. Let me wash you.” As Mary reaches for the bar of soap she lathers it up. As she does, she notices that is he relatively free of hair on his back and chest. Reaching for his chest she notices it is soft and feels fragile. Gently applying the soap to him she moves in gliding his hand between her thighs. “This is what I like.” She moves in feeling his erect penis against her thigh and he tires getting closer. “No need to rush. You must wait,” pausing for a moment, “it is better. Trust me.”

A few minutes later they are in the bedroom, her hair still wet, Mary lays on the bed spreading her legs. “What are you doing? Are you going to fuck me or what?”

“It has been a while. I am nervous.”

“It is okay, we got all day.”

Randy lays next to her and starts slowly feeling her delicate smooth skin. Noticing her nipples are erect and laying waiting for him to take command. She turns to him, gently kissing him and pulling him towards her. He kneels in front of her, bending forward to kiss her, and stroking her face. Mary grabs his hard 5.5” cock looking at him, “I been waiting too long fuck me.”

He slides into her noticing how wet and hot she feels. She feels tighter than what his wife felt like and Mary’s tightness further arouses him. The tight feeling and remembering his wife, before her death, made him move faster. Mary moved in response to his direction and he could feel a flood of pleasure building within. He cannot hold back much longer and soon he fills her with his cum. Soon he goes limp, pulling out of her, and lying next to her.

Copyright 2014 by Johnny Lavish all rights reserved

Cuckolding relationship

Uniqueness of a cuckolding relationship

Imagine for a moment a relationship where each of you can have your fantasy fulfilled. Further imagine a relationship where you can change the momentum of the relationship for a period of time to fulfill each others fantasy. Next imagine a relationship where trust is the central characteristic. Finally imagine a relationship that requires each of you agreeing to continue an aspect of the relationship. Does this sound like an unattainable relationship or an ideal relationship? Actually this is a description of a cuckolding relationship.

Cuckolding can offer a couple an unique opportunity to fulfill each others fantasy while building trust in the relationship. For someone that is new to the idea of cuckolding maybe asking how does trust fit into cuckolding since it involves a third person in the relationship? Trust stems from keeping the boundaries and the communication that occurs. In order for cuckolding to work trust must exist and it must be able to grow over time, otherwise the relationship will cease to exist.

This brings up the next question, if the woman is sleeping with another man how is each person’s fantasy being fulfilled? For the man in the relationship normally he has a fantasy of his wife being with another man. It may seem counter-intuitive that such a fantasy can be arousing but for some, it can be very powerful, especially if he views his penis size is hampering her enjoyment of sex. Her fantasy can vary a bit. It can stem from having power in the relationship and control over her husband. Alternatively it can be having two concurrent lovers or it can be the experience of being with someone else.

So how does a cuckolding relationship change? One of the biggest issues is dealing with the issue of jealousy. Jealousy can be problematic especially in the beginning but with more experience the issue should resolve itself; however, if it does not then the cuckolding aspect should end. Another change is communication. Clear concise information needs to be communicated. Any ambiguity can lead to misunderstanding and conflict. Third change is a shift in power in the relationship. This change is arguable since the argument can be made for the man or the woman holding the power. In my opinion, the shift of power is to the woman since she is the one who decides who she has sex with, how often, and when. Final change is trust. Trust is very fragile and if not treated correctly it can be destroyed. By communicating and changing the power structure in the relationship trust changes. If the change in trust can be harnessed for changing the relationship for the better then it can have very positive impact on the relationship.

Would I recommend a cuckolding relationship to everyone? No, I would not since each relationship is different with different needs. However, I would recommend a couple consider evaluate the idea if they have been together for a period of time and have had at least one threesome / foursome experience. At least by having some type of group sex experience the couple can begin to understand the challenges they can expect to face and how their relationship might change. Therefore, cuckolding should not be discouraged but understood. By understanding cuckolding it can provide a couple with more options for their relationship and for some it can help them enhance their relationship.

Threesome communication for couples

Introduction

It is interesting to read through previous works and discover what you had intended did not occur. A while ago I wrote a piece regarding threesome communication. My intention was for it to discuss communication before the threesome occurred but it became a piece about communication during a threesome. Nonetheless, this piece will talk about communication during each aspect of the process. It is important to note this is not meant to be a treatise on the subject nor is it meant to be a comprehensive discussion, instead it is meant to be an opinion piece regarding the level of communication needed to have a threesome.

What is meant by threesome communication?

Threesome communication is essentially the discussion that occur through the process. It involves discussing a subject that most couples do not discuss and the ability to discuss the subject in a loving way. It means discussing issues like:

• Risk of STI / STD
• Risk of pregnancy
• Safe-sex practices
• Reason for wanting to have a threesome
• What do you expect from having a threesome
• How you expect having a threesome will impact the relationship
• The potential impact of having a threesome on the relationship
• What if …
• Defining boundaries regarding the threesome for the relationship
• Defining boundaries for the threesome
• Feeling associated with watching your partner having sex with someone else / having sex with someone else in front of your partner
• How to split attention
• Type of person being sought
• Acceptable activities in the threesome
• Off-limit activities in the threesome
• Feelings about having the threesome
• Feelings about having the threesome after it occurred
• What went right
• What could have gone better
• Any issues regarding sexuality
• Role the third person will have
• Role each person will have
• Other issues

Some of these may not be applicable such as risk of pregnancy if menopause has occurred, hysterectomy, mmm, or fff threesome. Where the topic is relevant to the couple threesome communication means not saying for example, “reason for wanting a threesome is because I think it is hot.” In this author’s opinion, such a statement shows an immature idea about having a threesome and it shows a lack of respect for you partner due to a lack of understanding of the risks involved. Instead it means being honest and sincere such as, “My reason for wanting a threesome it is something that I would like to explore. I believe it might help our communication and commitment to each other.” Then may be in response saying, “Don’t you think we have good enough communication? How do you think it will help our commitment to each other?” Through repeated interaction and questioning the couple can begin to appreciate what is a threesome involves.

Initial Discussions: Pillow Talk, Sexting, Talking Dirty, and Heat of the Moment

I believe we all have our methods for dealing with difficult questions and sometimes it is easier to bring up a difficult question when it is difficult to get upset. “Pillow talk” (conversations after sex or just lying in bed talking), sexting (suggestive texts) talking dirty or during “heat of the moment” (arousal from foreplay), provides an opportunity to address the idea of having a threesome. It can provide very rich visual images and an opportunity to heighten your partner’s arousal. The feelings it invokes can be quite powerful and easy leading to a misunderstanding. Misunderstanding occurs when each person has a different interpretation of the context of the conversation. For one it may be fun play in order to keep their partner’s interested while the other may see the play as permission to arrange a threesome. There is nothing wrong with using the visual image of a threesome to arouse your partner but there must be enough communication for both to be in agreement about the meaning of the play. Nonetheless this type of play can provide an avenue for beginning the discussion of having a threesome during the day.

Exploring the idea: Striving towards a common vision

During this time each person has their own idea of what a threesome means for them and what they expect from a threesome. It is during this period where a lot of the discussions take place to allow each person to discuss their vision of having a threesome and then working from those images to find a common image that is agreeable.

All of the discussions may not be heart felt deep discussions but enough discussions will occur before the decision to seek someone else to join them. The discussion will vary from “feeling your partner out on an idea,” such as “how would you feel if… occurred in the threesome,” to “it is not happening.” Not all discussions will be easy and some may require compromises while others may require thought before the idea can proceed. It is during this time when the idea of having a threesome either begins to develop or it is left as a topic for another day’s discussion. At the end of this period the couple should have an idea of what their threesome might look like.

Finding the third person

There is no rule that says a couple must first work on a common vision for their threesome before they begin searching for the third person. Arguably beginning the search for a third person can be the first activity followed by, or in unison, the discussion related to the threesome. However this author believes it is better to define the vision for the threesome and work through some of the issues before finding the third person. Reason for this belief, this author feels, by this point the couple is beginning to learn to compromise and work through issues. By working together agreeing on the characteristics of the third person and the third person should be easier.

First Contact: Speaking with the third person

Hopefully at this point the couple will have some agreements about the threesome that will be communicated to the third person. This should not be everything they have discussed and at a minimum they should communicate:

• Their expectations for the third person
• Expectations for the threesome
• Safe-sex practices
• Where there are in the process about selecting the third person (e.g. are they reviewing replies and following up, do they want to meet, etc.)
• Boundaries for the third person
• Reiterating they are a couple and will leave as a couple
• Safe-sex practices
• How / when meeting will occur
• Acceptable level of communication
• How attention will be split

Also during this period the couple should, at a minimum:

• Reviewing their boundaries
• Discussing their feelings about people they have discussed having a threesome with
• Reviewing their feelings about having a threesome
• Discuss any new issues that have come up
• Discuss if they feel any changes need to be made

Meeting the third person and having the threesome

Before meeting the third person the couple needs to ensure they are “on the same page” regarding the threesome and each of them has the same understanding regarding their planned threesome. Without having the same understanding it is possible hurt feelings will develop or worse. Therefore the couple should take a few moments to ensure they have the same understanding of:

• Their boundaries and what they mean
• Sexual practices that are off limits
• Any changes they want to make
• Any subtle signals that indicate interest or desire to abort the planned threesome
• Any safe-words that indicate a desire to end the threesome
• Any feelings they are having

At some point before the threesome the couple should take a few minutes to review with the third person their boundaries and expectations. Likewise the third person, if they have not already done so, state their boundaries, expectations, and any preferences. Then as they encounter progresses if issues arise then they should be brought into the open and discussed.

Debriefing

This does not need to be an onerous activity or long. After the threesome the couple should, as soon as possible, take time to talk about the threesome they had and discuss any feelings. Then, for as long as needed, discuss feelings that may come up as the result of having the threesome along with their desire to have another experience.

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Your local librarian or pastor may be into threesomes without you ever knowing

This is an older article from 2000 and it remains one of my favorite. It examines the characteristics of swingers and compares them to characteristics of the general population. Granted swinging covers many other sexual practices beyond having a threesome and it generally involves people who have incorporated in their sexual practices. Nonetheless it remains one of my favorites since it highlights the fact the some of the people you would least expect to be interested in having a threesome are the ones having it and it challenges the stereotype of a middle-aged liberal agnostic / atheist as the ones who are swinging.

As with any article relating to threesomes and alternative sexual practices there are always biases. Some of the biases come from the type of research being done. In this article an online survey was done, which means there may be some duplication even though attempts were made to eliminate duplicate answers and there are always issues regarding using online resources. Such as issues with coding, any network issues, any hardware issues, and reasons why people may start the survey then abandon it. Finally there are issues with they type of research being done. When surveys are done there is a tendency for people to provide socially acceptable answers and to view the question in the most positive light for themselves. Plus depending on how the questions are written, it will influence the way the individual responds. Given very little research is done in area it is difficult to know how representative it is.

Having read the article, I do not believe, there are obvious biases that have influenced the results. Though, I do question the results show swingers tend to slightly more religious. As an author, I know there is a public person we all have that we maintain and then
there is a private persona that our partner is only that sees
it. Having lived in a religious and politically conservative state for over two decades, I know there is a disconnect between religion and personal beliefs, especially amongst Christians. If there was congruency between faith and religion then the state I lived in would have a nearly non-exist DWI rate along (many in its penitentiary are serving time for DWI offenses), not being a national leader in arrests for transport for a well known illegal drug (it is not ‘pot’ a lot harsher) and finding someone for a threesome would be much difficult. So, this author is not disagreeing with some of the findings and it may be this survey captured a shift in the swinging population; however, it is difficult to know if this is a bias.

 

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