Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)


Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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First time? 10 things I should I expect


threesome experienceFirst time drawing near?

Having your first threesome is a lot like riding a bike for the first time without training wheels or your first kiss. It is is a lasting experience that will create a lasting impression. So, the question that is probably lurking, what should I expect from my first threesome?

Unlike twenty years ago or even a few years ago having a threesome is more accepted. However a lot of unbiased information does not exist. Too often talk shows, news, and even friends present a myopic image of the experience. There are a lot of reasons as to why this occurs, such as money, a point to be made, or to attract viewers. Whatever the reason, the experience gets missed in favor of glamorizing it.

1) Reality of having a threesome or cuckold is not like porn, television, or the movies.

Having a threesome experience or cuckold experience involves real people and real feelings with real consequences. Once you begin the process of exploring the idea your relationship will forever change. Expect to feel a variety of emotions, thoughts and feelings over a period of time. It is easy to react to them but do not. Allow a significant amount of time to pass and talk about your feelings before making any decision that may have long reaching consequences. Remember this reality and there is no magical way to reverse time to a point before having the experience.

2) Performance anxiety happens

Expectations can be built up  leading to stress that can lead to performance related issues. Performance anxiety shows up in many different ways:

Men:

  • In ability to become erect or maintain an erection
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Hesitation or reluctance
  • Nervousness, anxiety, withdrawing, or emotional

Women:

  • Lack of response
  • Unable to lubricate or maintain being wet
  • Emotional and / or withdrawing

Best way to minimize the effect of performance related issues is to limit expectations, keep realistic expectations, and communicate about issues as they occur.

3) Change

Everyday we learn something new, we grow from our experience and it is foolish to believe we do not change. By having a threesome, you will be introducing a lot of change to the relationship in a very short amount of time. Some change will occur very rapid. Changes that are likely to occur include:

  • As a couple the way you communicate
  • Attitude towards each other
  • How you view and relate to your spouse / partner
  • Beliefs towards relationships, marriage, and life
  • Feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

It is important to remember wanting a threesome or cuckold is a life changing experience that will have far-reaching effects. Therefore, it is important to be cautious and to remember your spouse / partner are also going through a similar experience even though they may not be showing the behaviors.

4) Different Starting and ending points

Having a threesome in some ways is like a sprint. Everyone starts at difference places but ends at the point. In a journey to have a threesome, everyone begins their journey with preconceived ideas based on beliefs and experiences. Once the journey begins and the idea of swinging is explored the idea becomes more tangible. This can lead to changes whereby the individual who initially brought-up the idea may become more calculating because the idea is no longer pure fantasy and an element of reality is entering. Likewise someone who may be reluctant and starts understanding the possibilities may become eager. It is therefore possible each person who begins this journey may find they undergo a transformation.

5) The third person

Swinging can have a far reaching effect on the individual and the relationship. Choosing the right third person is paramount in ensuring continuity, before and after the experience, and preserving the relationship. Also choosing the right third person can enhance the experience and make it a very caring experiencing

So, how do you find the right third person? The is a temptation, when starting out, to choose a friend or a co-worker. On the surface the choice appears logical. However choosing someone well known brings its own set of issues. Whilst it is impossible to speculate on every possible scenario, one thing is clear sometimes choosing someone that is unknown can be a better choice.

There is no guarantee any route you choose to find a third person will work. The best route, I believe, is method that uses all of the tools available to you. This includes using online sites asking questions and meeting the individual before any activity happens. It does not have to be a several month process of asking in depth questions and developing a close friendship. Instead it can be relatively brief to develop trust and feel confident the third person has your best interest at heart.

6) Nothing can be prepare you for the night

The day finally arrives. A mixture of feelings happen. Anxiety, fear, and the elation only to find the need to remain calm. Then a few hours before meeting the third person trying on several pieces of clothing happens and getting your hair just right. She looks beautiful and you begin looking at it as a night that will be remembered.

After a bit of socializing the discussion turns to sex. At first a few jokes get made, then the discussion becomes a bit more serious before discovering you have reached the point of no return. Everybody heads to the bedroom she undresses before laying on the bed. Soon everyone is naked and for a few minutes it is a very erotic experience.

Soon kissing, touching, and intimacy begins. All of the discussion and preparation culminates into this experience. There is a feeling of surrealism that fills the room. At first you soak in the experience but soon your beliefs begin to become challenged. It is almost as though something has overtaken your body. Your responses feel as though it is someone else in control. In some ways it is liberating because this is a feeling that has never been experienced and other ways it is frightening since it is easy to lose control.

Soon he enters your wife and a flood of emotions hit. Now there is no turning back and your relationship has forever been changed. She lays there, appearing to enjoy it. Her reaction makes you frightened and shatters everything you know of her.

7) Did it happen?

Having a threesome means accepting change will occur. After the threesome expect a lot of change to happen. Expect as the thrill wears off that there may be feelings of mourning, anger, and feelings of distance. This is normal. A lot has happened prior, during, and after the threesome. Now it is time for your mind to work through all of it.

During this time it is important to discuss feelings and the experience. This means do not shut your spouse out but use them as a resource. Having a threesome can be a powerful force that brings couples together if they are willing to work together instead of driving them away.

8) We will have another threesome?

It is good that you consider the idea and think about your experience. Most couples who have threesomes do not live a threesome lifestyle. Instead they may have an occasional, maybe a few in their relationship, and maybe they will only have one. The answer to that question depends on time and on the experience.

9) No one will know

After having a threesome it is possible to feel that everyone knows your secret. Most likely the only ones who know are the third person, your spouse, and you. It is unlikely others will know unless you were in public, you are well known, or you are upfront about having threesomes. In most situations, people are too afraid to ask or by ‘outting‘ they are also telling on themselves. This means in many circumstances no one will know unless you tell them.

10) Long-term implications

It is impossible to know the outcome when you begin your journey. If you approach having a threesome with love, trust, and caring for the participants then it is realistic to expect a positive outcome. Even if the initial experience is bad, in time, you may find the experience was beneficial or positive. Regardless of your initial feelings a threesome that has gone will can increase happiness, satisfaction, and communication in a relationship.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

Watching my wife having sex with someone else

Threesome positions

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Remorse: How to get over it and start living again


RemorseIntroduction

No one should feel remorse when having a cuckold experience. It is a situation where each person has a say and each person has control. Essentially, it does not happen without everyone agreeing and this implies there is personal responsibility.

Furthermore, such an experience is very intimate and very beautiful experience leaving  that should leave all involved feeling good afterwards. For the couple it is something that is unique for them that defines their relationship and is meant to bring them closer. As for the invited individual such an invitation is a privilege that gets extended only to a select few. Few of us thinks about the triad, the three involved in the threesome. A threesome experience or cuckold experience for the triad something shared between them. It is something that binds a couple to someone outside of their relationship. Overall the experience is meant to be a precious that brings happiness to all.

Nonetheless, even with the best planning and the best communication feeling of remorse occurs. What is remorse? Simply put remorse is feeling guilty for something that has occurred. It is the feeling that results from going against personal beliefs, lack of communication, or underlying issues. It is a feeling that can destroy feelings a joy and happiness before turning them into despair.

Below are three scenarios of how remorse may develop. This article will deal with the first two since the third is more indicative, this author believes, of a relationship experiencing issues resulting from a breakdown in communication or someone who is not assertive enough to have their needs addressed.

I agreed to what?

Meeting the potential third person for supper. A glass of wine and the conversation begins flowing. She begins flirting with him and soon they are kissing like teenagers. Everything is going smoothly, the two of you decide to invite them back to your place for a ‘nightcap.’ Once at your place, the unspoken message a threesome will happen. Now the only questions remains is how to transition from conversation to sex. After another glass of wine the question seems to work itself out. The two of you are undressing her and all three of you migrate to the bedroom. In the bedroom the scene is more than you can ever believe and you realize porn has underplayed the exhilaration of the experience. He enters her and all of a sudden reality hits like a train hitting a car at high speed. In an instant the joy that is felt is replaced with remorse.

Blindsided:

After the threesome you feel like ‘high-fiving’ your wife and the other for such a fantastic experience. They dress and leave. For the next few hours euphoria hits and a feeling like you have done something marvelous, like cure cancer, hits. Slowly pains of angst hit. As the angst hit you begin feeling fear, dread, and remorse. Soon the euphoria pushes the feeling away. As time passes it feels as though there is a battle going on between joy and angst. After feeling so euphoric from the experience all of a sudden remorse sets in and this time the euphoric feeling does not come back. Now you are left with feelings of dread, fear, and remorse.

I am someone who thinks of others before myself, what is wrong with that?

Having a threesome is more their idea than yours. Instead of discussing your concerns the decision was made to hold back your feelings and give your partner something they wanted. During the time between making the decision not to say anything and the threesome you felt it was noble to put aside feelings for the good of the relationship. You watched them have sex and instead of feeling arouse you felt emotionally number. Now you are feeling regret and disgust.

Why do I feel this way? Where did my feelings come from?

Who has died?

Having a threesome in many ways can lead to temporary feelings of loss or mourning. This can result from sharing your spouse with someone else. When sharing your spouse it can temporarily lead to a feeling of loss. Feeling of loss occurs because of the realization the frailness of your relationship and that someone else finds your partner attractive. By having a threesome it shatters the idealistic image of a relationship and now you are confronted with the true preciousness of your relationship.

Likewise by having a threesome one of the two bonds of monogamy are broken, physical monogamy. This can lead to feelings of remorse because your relationship has moved from being entirely exclusive.

Roller coaster of emotions

Having a threesome is an emotional experience. It brings up a lot feelings, some that are good and some that would make the experience more enjoyable if they did not occur. From an early age we are taught to identify feelings and how to handle them. Rarely we learn feelings are neither good or bad.  Instead we analyze them and determine their classification. In my opinion, feelings you may feel may not be remorse but it maybe a combination of feelings.

You said what?

Having a threesome or cuckold may not always be a good idea. I have never met the perfect couple and I believe every couple has issues that needs addressing. The extent to which an issue can negatively influence cuckolding or threesome experience, I believe, depends to a great extent on the communication skills of a couple. If a couple is supportive and works towards solution rather engaging in a death match for power in the relationship then I believe an issue will not adversely impact them.  However, if a couple prefers conflict over finding a solution then it is possible that an underlying issue can become an issue much faster with a threesome than if chose to avoid it. Remorse may eveolve from feeling pushed into a having a threesome or cuckold because the individual was not clear about their needs.

Do not go there: ‘Talk to the hand’

IMG_8431

As human beings we have developed systems of communication and the longer a couple is together they develop their own language. As a result, assumptions get made and sometimes those assumptions are not clear. In a threesome situation, having boundaries provides a way for communicating by establishing trust by letting everyone know the limits of threesome and they facilitate communication by providing an avenue for discussion they serve as a way of safeguarding feelings. Sometimes boundaries get crossed, get missed, or a couple has a threesome without understanding what they are undertaking. In this type of situation remorse may come from realizing boundaries were too liberal or not being clear.

Getting Over Remorse

1) Who is it to blame?

Certainly there must be someone to blame for the way you feel? Why else do you feel this way?

Blaming your spouse, the invited third person or drinking too much for what happen is not an option. In order to move beyond feeling remorse it is important to realize your responsibility, accept your decision and accept your role. By blaming people or events will not solve the issue. It will only ingrain the issue and allow your feelings to fester that will lead to problems later. Best way to move beyond feeling remorse is to accept your decision and accept the result.

2) Time heals all wounds

Having a threesome will create strong feelings. Knowing that they can develop and effectively dealing with them, is key in having a successful threesome. If you are the invited single person it may be you have feelings for someone from the couple. In a cuckolding situation remorse may come from having an experience that very couples have and feeling remorse because you have gone society’s idea of relationship. Maybe you are a part of the a couple that had a threesome and feel remorse over sharing your spouse with someone else.

Impulsively acting on feelings of remorse is risky. Having been through this experience I know feelings can last for weeks afterwards and acting on them can be destructive. If it is possible, give your feelings a chance to work themselves out and give yourself time before making any decisions. Remember feelings will change with time and what you feel now may not be what you feel later.

3) Is the glass half-empty?

Changing perception helps. The event has occurred. There is no way to reverse time. However you can change the way you view the event. Instead of looking for blame or seeing it the relationship no longer being monogamous. See it for what is, an intimate experience the two of you shared with someone else. Look for the positive in the experience. It could the enjoyment your received from watching your spouse / partner enjoy themselves. Maybe it is a gift you can them to break the shackles of a society defined relationship and to enjoy themselves. Or maybe the two of you made a great friend. Whatever the positive there is in the experience focus on it.

4) Hindsight use it

Before reacting take time to review the events. Also take time to review what you are feeling and how those feelings evolved. During the review do not look for blame but look to understand what brought the feelings to the surface. Understanding how they evolved is important as it will help you to understand your next step.

5) Speak with your forgotten friend, your spouse

Immediately after the threesome take time to discuss with your spouse / partner the experience. Take time to discuss feelings, what went right, and what needs improving. Do not make any decisions but begin talking. Over the next days and weeks take more time to discuss the events. As time passes you will begin to discover feelings and more about your relationship. Take time to share with your spouse / partner. The more the two of you discuss the more likely any adverse feeling will be temporary.

updated6) Opportunity a new beginning

This should not be immediately done after the threesome. Instead take time to allow feelings to resolve and take time to discuss with your partner.  If you are the invited person allow time to pass. Everything is temporary and you will begin see having the threesome or cuckold from a different perspective. In a few days, probably a few weeks, some success will be seen and some improvement too. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Secret: How to Get Over Remorse

Getting over remorse is simple. All that is required is changing your perspective. Changing your perspective is simple by accepting your responsibility for making the decision and accepting you have the power over your feelings. By using this approach, not reacting, and allowing time to heal then conquering remorse is possible.

 

 

Other articles of interest

5 Laws for Boundaries

Mixed Signals: What do they mean?

Am I ready for a threesome

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

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10 things you should know about having a threesome but were afraid to ask


20130714_173035-1Introduction

Over the last few years I have seen progress being made regarding the acceptance of threesomes but we still have a long ways to go before it is accepted as mainstream. There are still a lot of couples who approach having a threesome with very little knowledge and not sure what is involved. Below are a few questions regarding threesomes and over the coming weeks I plan to add more to it.

1) They show interest in having a threesome in the bedroom, does it mean they will agree to have a threesome?

No. Saying you want a threesome during foreplay, during sex, or immediately afterwards is no indication of there interest. Why?

From the start of foreplay our resistance to suggestions lowers because of the state of arousal and the closeness we feel to our partner. As arousal increases resistance further decreases and using of fantasies to further increase arousal continues until climax. After climaxing there is a period time the euphoria from sex continues and this, I believe, allows bonding to occur.

Once sex ends we continue with our daily lives and face the challenges it presents to us. Essentially when interest in having a threesome is expressed it about the fantasy not reality.

2) They have said they will agree to a mfm threesome if I agree to a fmf threesome. Should I agree?

No. Quid-pro-quo, sometimes referred to as ‘something for something’ is a risky situation that requires a lot of trust and very detailed knowledge of your partner. A downfall of this type of agreement occurs after the first threesome and the other does not want to have another threesome. Many times this leads to hurt feelings and conflict in the relationship because there is a feeling of violation of a trust that exists.

A better solution is reaching an agreement on having a threesome then after the first threesome experience evaluating it to determine if it is possible to have another. If it is possible to have another threesome then discuss needs and desires.

3) Should I find someone and surprise them with a threesome?

Again the answer is no. Surprise threesomes rarely work and in most cases they can be quite embarrassing because cues were misread. Instead obtain your partner’s / spouse’s agreement about searching for a threesome for them on your own.

4) They have said no to a threesome. What Should I do?

If someone says no to you, what do you do? In most cases we either ask for feedback or forget about it. Asking for a threesome is the same. If you decide it is not worth pursuing then that is a choice. However, if you ask for feedback there is a few reasons why and sometimes your spouse / partner may not share it. A few of the reasons might include:

  • Wrong approach used
  • Goes against their beliefs
  • Timing was wrong
  • Misread cues from your partner
  • They may be open to the idea but your suggestion was no in line with what they were expecting / wanting
  • It is something they need to consider
  • Not enough trust due to length of relationship or ongoing relationship issues
  • Underlining relationship issues
  • View it as cheating
  • Afraid to be with someone else because of their limited sexual experiences

Should you choose to ask for feedback it will help you gauge the next step and it will help with communication in the relationship. If a conversation about having a threesome can begin then it is possible that sometime in the future it might occur.

5) How Can I convince them to have a threesome?

There are web sites that claim you convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome but I believe there is no method that will convince them. At the heart of the matter, they must want to have a threesome and if they firmly oppose having a threesome then it is unlikely they will ever agree to have one.

The one thing that you have is time. Time changes everything. Initially may be resistant to the idea but over time their resistance softens. Another weapon in your arsenal is behavior. Relationship security can be a big hurdle for a threesome. Changing they way you relate to your partner and making time for them may be all that is needed. This means convincing them is more about being supportive and providing a channel for discussion than employing a technique to magically get them to agree.

6) They have said yes to the having a threesome, what is our next step?

There are two steps that need to occur almost simultaneously. First step is setting boundaries, which is discussed later in this article. Second is finding the third person. Once discussion on boundaries begins finding the third person should occur. Finding the third person should be a joint effort because it will require each of you agreeing to the choice. How the searching is done is your decision. Once you find them it is important to do some screening and asking them questions. Finally during this time it is important to review boundaries, discuss feelings, and discuss comfort level to ensure no issues that can hurt the relationship arise.

7) Do we need boundaries?

Yes. Boundaries build trust that allows the threesome to occur. They reduce the chance hurt feelings or arguments arise. Some will say they do not need boundaries because they want their partner to choose what they want to experience only to find later they did not consider ‘X’ will happen. Boundaries do not need to be complex and they do not need to be detailed. Instead can be a few rules that everyone has the same understanding that define the threesome.

There are three types of boundaries that need discussing. First, relationship boundaries. Relationship boundaries relate to how the relationship will handle having a threesome. In my situation our relationship boundary regards not using the experience against the other. Meaning, it is a mutual decision that we both make and will not blame the other.

Second type of boundary are threesome boundaries. These will be boundaries that relate to the threesome and will change a In the beginning they should be basic and be specific. While avoiding having too many or boundaries that conflict.

Third type of boundary are implied boundaries. Implied related to expectations, acceptable acts, and acts in the threesome that are off limits. They are implied because it will impossible to go through every possible scenario and impossible to comprehend every possible scenario. Therefore assumptions must be made and if there is going to be an argument regarding boundaries then there is a good chance this will be the type of boundary causing the conflict.

8) How do we find someone that is interested?

Finding a woman interested in a threesome can be a bit challenging, especially if you are looking for a single straight female. However if you are looking for a male the time needed is much shorter. With the boom in mobile and cellular phones finding someone for a threesome is becoming easier. There are applications for your phone and tablet. Websites that focus on threesomes, foursomes, and dating. Also there are swingers clubs, munches, and other similar type of activities that occur in public. Finally if you are open to the experience sometimes finding someone can occur at the most unlikely places.

9) What is it like watching them having sex?

The two of you can discuss feelings, signal for discomfort, and how it might impact the both of you; however until it happens no one will have an idea. For some it is the most erotic experience. Watching someone else pleasing their partner as they participate. Others it is quite possibly the worst experience of their life. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

If the two of you communicate and have a good relationship then it is reasonable to expect some fear along with a lot of excitement. Should this be your first experience then you may have issues with being comfortable communicating in all situations. This may mean letting the invited person know how they can help increase your enjoyment may be difficult thereby not being able to get the most from the experience.

10) Can you enjoy sloppy seconds in a threesome?

Yes. If you are participating and you all the invited male to have sex with your wife / girlfriend first. Be aware she might be a bit uncomfortable and may want you to only to have sex with her. Talk with her before the threesome. Then watch her reaction and listen for cues regarding her comfort level.

Other articles of interest

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Using quid-pro-quo as a negotiating position for a threesome

Questions for the third person

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

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Easing into cuckolding or a threesome


easing into cuckolding and swingingIntroduction

The decision is reached to finally take ‘the plunge,’ and all is left is finding the right person. A few ideas get discussed about possible people to invite and the discussion includes using an ad on a web site. After taking time to search someone who appears to be a good match is found and the reality of having sex with someone outside of the relationship finally becomes real. Now hundreds of thoughts starting arising and confronting a new reality, one that was not thought of during the discussion, how do you ‘ease into’ having the experience?

Solution: Do what is comfortable

When it is not a good idea to have a cuckold or a threesome

‘Easing’ into a threesome or ‘easing’ into a cuckold indicates to me someone who does not know where their comfort level lies. It can also be a warning that boundaries have not been discussed or they were not in alignment with personal beliefs. At worst, it can be a sign that pressure or coercion is being used to gain agreement for a threesome indicating it the planned experience can cause harm.

Listening to ‘the voice’ for direction of ‘easing into’ a threesome or a cuckold

All of us has a ‘little voice in our head’ that tells us:  what is comfortable, the ‘voice’ tells us when we are leaving our comfort zone, and it tells us when we are outside of our level of comfort. Granted in a cuckolding and threesome situation there are two other people; however nothing happens unless you agree to it. This means, there is no reason why ‘the voice’ needs to be muted when it comes to a threesome or a cuckold. It also means, there is no reason as to why ‘the voice’ cannot act as a guide and act as an indicator of where your comfort level exists and use that indicator for establishing boundaries that build a level of trust.

Alternative solution: ‘dipping your toes in the shallow end’

If using your senses to help you guide you about where your comfort level exists and then communicating it does not work, another solution exists. This solution involves taking small steps and once a level of comfort is establish trying something more involved. Each of us has our own definition of a small step and it is not easy to define. Nonetheless, in the context of a threesome or cuckold, it tends to mean starting with a non-sexual activity then build.

Example 1: a fictitious example Mr. & Mrs. Jones

Mr Jones a 48 year old  accountant &  Mrs. Jones a 42 year old nurse agree to have a threesome. Mrs Jones has always enjoyed fantasies of a younger male having sex with her without Mr. Jones present. As a couple they discussed the idea and agreed to try it. As a part of their agreement they agree Mrs Jones will find a male and have sex with him without Mr Jones present. 

After agreeing they found a 38 year old male, Mark Smith but after  finding Mark Mrs. Jones begins having doubts and is unsure if she can go through with it. Mr & Mrs Jones discuss the issue. They discover their initial plan was too bold and scale it back. Instead of having it all happen at once, they agree Mrs. Jones will have a few ‘dates’ with Mark to see if she is ready for the experience.

Example 2: fictitious example George and Melissa

George and Melissa are a middle age couple who seek different ways to explore the boundaries of their relationship. Recently they have agreed to try a threesome with Paul. However, as the threesome approaches Melissa is finding she is unsure if she can go through with the planned threesome. As a result George and Melissa agree their first experience will be a soft-swinging experience and then afterwards they will evaluate the experience to see if the next encounter will be a full threesome.

Alternative Solution 2: KISS it

A good acronym to remember when planning your first threesome is KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid). Keeping a threesome or cuckold simple means setting realistic expectations and not viewing the experience as some type of marathon event. It also means, not pushing the boundaries and keeping the first experience simple thereby avoiding a lot of issues later. In a threesome an example of keeping it simple might be having each male having sex with the female instead of trying for ‘split roast’ or double penetration (dp).

When planning a threesome typically two mistakes are made. First mistake is not having boundaries and agreeing to allow anything to happen. Usually this is a bad idea because it does not provide a sense of security, it allows activities not considered to happen,  and it also opens the planned cuckold or threesome to conflict later. Second mistake is like being a child in a toy store and being overwhelmed with all of the choices. This can lead to planning a threesome that is outside of the comfort limit and make a participant uneasy.

Finally

Remember when planning your first threesome or cuckold by KISSing it will alleviate some of the stress associated with it. Also, by communicating it can help to plan a threesome or cuckold that is emotionally secure. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take a threesome or cuckolding experience slow. Just remember to communicate.

Other articles of interest

Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

Secret #3: being confident

Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Secret #6 – it is the relationship

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

8 cuckolding secrets every couple should know

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Six secrets that will help you make your fantasy of having a threesome a reality


hot wife lying in waitingIntroduction

Wanting a threesome is the first step to have a threesome but convincing your ‘significant other,’the idea is a good idea is a hurdle that needs overcoming. Sometimes the hurdle is more like a mountain that is almost impossible to climb.

Article Overview

Each article covers an area to consider before approaching your ‘significant other’ about the idea and each secret addresses an area that can help you overcome their initial resistance to the idea. Whilst I cannot guarantee success, each secret when used in conjunction with the others can help increase your change of success or at least minimize the amount of time needed to discuss the topic before finding your third person.

Other articles of interest

Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

Secret #3: being confident

Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Secret #6 – it is the relationship

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Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint


IMG_8802Introduction

Imagine an event that brought a lot of possibilities, such as a job interview. The thoughts of a better life because of the experience and being able to join the company made you believe you could join a select group.  However one thing stood in the way, achieving the goal. Realizing the event is still a dream brought another feeling that felt like carrying a 50lb weight while trying to sprint to the finish line. Knowing a well deserved reward was within reach, nothing else mattered,except experiencing the joy that comes with such an event.

In many ways, having a threesome can bring wonderment and possibilities. It is very easy to focus on the finish-line, having a threesome instead of focusing on the road ahead.

Give it time

Bringing up the idea of having a threesome can be met with a variety of reactions from ending the relationship to a mutual agreement to have a threesome. Preparation for the discussion and projecting confidence in desiring a threesome are essential for the discussion.  Approaching the conversation should not be done a sprint, whereby agreement is made to have a threesome followed by a drive down to the bar to find someone. Instead of reacting to the ‘heat of the moment,’ thought should be given planning the threesome and ensure everyone has a common understanding. This usually means there is a pause in the conversation.

Allowing a pause, as it relates to the discussion of a threesomes, we are always learning from our experiences and as we have more experiences our views of the world change. This does not always means an initial ‘no’ will automatically change to a ‘yes.’ Instead it means giving time to process the suggestion and giving them time to view the suggestion in context of new experiences. This may lead to softening of their position and it can mean the subject can be re-approached.

Exercise to try

To see the impact a pause can have, including yourself. The next time you are having a casual conversation, pause and do not say a word. Alternatively if you are not comfortable trying this then try to think of a time when you had a conversation and there was a pause? What is your feeling? Do you feel, as though you have to say something? What about the other person? Do they feel uncomfortable with it? How does it resolve itself?

A pause in a conversation can be awkward leaving us to find a way to restart the conversation and get beyond that awkward feeling without realizing the pause may be beneficial. This is true with any conversation regardless if the pause is a few seconds or a few years. By understanding how a pause can effect you can help in handling the discussion of a threesome and possibly persuade them to have a threesome.

Conclusion

Pause in a conversation is natural but is can be unnerving. When it does it occur it is important to let the conversation begin naturally instead of trying to restart it because it feels unnatural to keep the pause. Discussing a threesome should be seen as a marathon instead of sprint. By allowing the conversation to begin naturally it signifies thought has been given to the topic of having a threesome and it can mean it reaching an agreement might be easier. Should the outcome be there is no agreement on having a threesome then it is best to let the pause return and love your partner / spouse for who they are instead of what they can give you.

 

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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