Is it a good idea to invite a friend or co-worker to a threesome?
For a threesome to happen a willing third person is needed that understands what the couple is wanting and on the surface it sounds relatively straightforward. For a couple just starting their search a friend or in some cases a co-worker seems like a natural starting point. Since a relationship already exists and something is already known about them. However, because a relationship already exists it can create further problems that the below examples will try to highlight.
Friend and Co-worker examples
In order to make the discussion clearer this author will use a fictitious couple, Couple A, George and Mary, who agree on a two male threesome. They begin their search by joining a few threesome friendly sites and after a few days grow weary of the process. Their first reaction is to forgo having a threesome and after a bit of contemplation, Mary suggests Henry a friend of George. George and Henry have been friends for a few years plus they work together. At first George resists the idea, thinking Henry was not a good choice. Then George recalls conversations he has had with Henry and how much Henry found Mary attractive. George for a while wanes on the idea but after repeated failures with their search, George acquiesces, agreeing to invite Henry.
Shortly thereafter, George invites Henry to join Mary and him for supper. Henry believes it is going to be a quiet evening with conversation and some drinking with friends. The evening begins like any other evening they spend together and about 1/2 through the evening Mary begins flirting with Henry. Henry is not sure how to respond and a few moments later Mary ‘excuses’ herself to go to the bathroom. While Mary is gone George explains what they have planned and after some reassuring Henry agrees.
Upon returning George signals to Mary that Henry is interested and the evening continues with all three going back to their place for drinks. Mary then leaves to ‘get into something more comfortable’ with Henry and George following her a few minutes later. The threesome occurs and afterwards negative feelings remain about the threesome. Furthermore the friendship between George and Henry decays. Along with their friendship decaying their working relationship suffers, ultimately leading Henry to leave his job.
The above scenario shows a potential impact of choosing a friend is the loss of a friendship and the potential impact on other parts of the participants’ lives. Going back to the above scenario it is possible that one of the friends could have taken out a grievance against the other in the workplace, led to claims of discrimination, or harassment. This could have an impact on the career and livelihood of the other. However, in this situation, the result was the lost of friendship.
Scenario two: George and Melissa is another fictitious couple that are pursuing a single female for a fmf threesome. After two years of searching for the elusive single woman they are about to give up on their search until Melissa suggests a friend Matilda at her job. Melissa works for a SME where everyone knows everyone and there is a feeling of belonging to a family. Matilda is a single woman a few years younger than Melissa and Matilda is supervised by a manager that reports Melissa. She decides to invite Matilda over for supper with George and herself. Things go smoothly and things progress to a threesome.
A few days later Matilda becomes upset about the threesome and questions if it is the right thing to do since Melissa manages her line manager. After taking legal advice Matilda decides to file a sexual harassment complaint against Melissa resulting in Melissa loosing her job.
This scenario, which is fictional, does highlight the legal and career costs to using a coworker for a threesome. Even if two people are the same pay grade, filing a grievance based on bullying or sexual harassment is possible. Therefore it is important to consider the career and legal implications of inviting a co-worker for a threesome.
Questions
This brings up the important question for any couple considering a threesome with a friend, what is more important the friendship or the threesome? In most cases, this author feels, the friendship would take precedence over the threesome. If this is the case, then the couple needs to consider closely the impact of the threesome on continuing the friendship.
Finally this brings up another important question, is there a way to have a threesome while maintaining the friendship or working relationship? It is important to remember once the suggestion is brought up the friendship or working relationship forever changes. In this author’s opinion maintaining the friendship might be possible if the friends can discuss the idea beforehand, work through any feelings, and discuss how the friendship could return after the threesome. Unfortunately with labor laws it can make using a co-worker more difficult. Therefore it is possible, though not advisable, to use a friend or a co-worker for a threesome. The risks, this author feels, outweighs any potential benefit from that choice.
Related articles
- Where do negative feelings after a threesome come from & how to address them (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Problems with quid pro quo as a negotiating position for threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome Terminology (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Frequently Asked questions about choosing a third person for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why some couples choose full threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs – Finding a third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- OP-ED: Essential characteristics that every couple considering a threesome should have (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
Threesomes and variations 
I’ve learned that if you’re going to choose a friend for your threesome, it is something that has to be carefully cultivated to, first, determine any interest in such an ‘unusual’ sex act and, second, to ensure that the friendship – the thing that brings these three people together – doesn’t get damaged in the process.
And it can be done provided the folks initiating the contact remain patient. Just because the person you want to be your third might show sexual interest in someone in the couple – or maybe both – doesn’t mean they’re going to be eager to participate. “Henry” might very well want to lay pipe to “Mary” but, as with most guys, he’d rather do it while “George” ain’t around – even if “George” knows that “Henry” would love to bonk “Mary.”
In your scenario, whenever you surprise someone like this, it’s not a given that they are going to respond well even if the threesome happens; if some bad feelings happen after the fact, they can be attributed to the single fact that George and Mary pulled a fast one on an unsuspecting Henry. In this, it would have been better for them to include him in their planning instead of having him think one thing, only to find out that he was, in fact, being deceived.
Some surprises, no matter how pleasant, aren’t always well-accepted.
I’m not going to say that friends and co-workers are off-limits because in this, everyone is fair game. However, if you’re going to go this route, it is better to proceed with caution and not let the urge to have a threesome cause problems you’re gonna have to deal with later.
I forgot to mention that people usually go the “friend route” because it’s better to deal with the devil you know than the one you don’t.
Even though you “may know” the friend there is a part of them that you will not know and the part that you do not know, is where a risk lies. By inviting a friend, it is based on what you know and what you believe you know about them. Once they become a part of a threesome the friendship dynamic changes and the ability to predict the change becomes paramount to both relationships (marriage / relationship & friendship). Predicting wrong can mean the loss of the relationship and /or friendship.
Even though you “may know” the friend there is a part of them that you will not know and the part that you do not know, is where a risk lies. By inviting a friend, it is based on what you know and what you believe you know about them. Once they become a part of a threesome the friendship dynamic changes and the ability to predict the change becomes paramount to both relationships (marriage / relationship & friendship). Predicting wrong can mean the loss of the relationship and /or friendship.
This author agree friends and co-workers are not entirely off limits. However they can be a minefield, especially co-workers due to labor laws, and if not properly navigated it can lead to more problems then they are worth. A co-worker is problematic due to issues such as discrimination, sexual harassment, general harassment, work place bullying / hostile environment, low morale, perception of favoritism, and if the state is a right-to-work state then the person can be fired without notice for almost any reason at any time. Even worse, if one has supervisory or has a more senior role it changes the dynamic in the threesome along with creating other job related issues. Essentially it becomes a situation that is very difficult to navigate and it becomes a situation with very real consequences that can impact the person’s ability to work.
Likewise a friend a friend can work but the proper foundation needs to be laid in order for it to work. Without laying the proper foundation the friendship is most likely to be lost and because there is already an emotional connection with the friend, at some level, damaging the couple’s relationship is also likely. Since there is some familiarity and connection it raises the risk that cheating will occur. Not mention the risk of loosing privacy, especially if all three are a part of a close circle of friends, when other friends begins finding out and the drama begins to play out for them. While it is possible to have a threesome with a friend or a co-worker the risks, in this author’s opinion, in most cases outweighs any potential benefit from selecting them.
Pingback: Working through a threesome that has gone wrong « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Planning a threesome – In detail. « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Meet and greet – no pressure way to meet « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Moving beyond the initial conversation « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Having an uncomplicated threesome « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Questions for a couple to ask the third person « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: George’s and Melissa’s first threesome experience « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: George’s & Martha’s threesome adventure – Chapter 2 « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: A single male’s guide: how to attract a couple without offending them | Threesomes and variations
Pingback: How to plan and manage a threesome using a check list | Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Easing into cuckolding or a threesome | Threesomes and variations
Pingback: 10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask | Threesomes and variations
Pingback: First time? 10 things I should I expect | Threesomes and variations