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11Oct2014

Remorse: How to get over it and start living again

Posted in Threesome opinions by 3somes

Introduction

No one should feel remorse when having a cuckold experience. It is a situation where each person has a say and each person has control. Essentially, it does not happen without everyone agreeing and this implies there is personal responsibility.

Furthermore, such an experience is very intimate and very beautiful experience leaving that should leave all involved feeling good afterwards. For the couple it is something that is unique for them that defines their relationship and is meant to bring them closer. As for the invited individual such an invitation is a privilege that gets extended only to a select few. Few of us thinks about the triad, the three involved in the threesome. A threesome experience or cuckold experience for the triad something shared between them. It is something that binds a couple to someone outside of their relationship. Overall the experience is meant to be a precious that brings happiness to all.

Nonetheless, even with the best planning and the best communication feeling of remorse occurs. What is remorse? Simply put remorse is feeling guilty for something that has occurred. It is the feeling that results from going against personal beliefs, lack of communication, or underlying issues. It is a feeling that can destroy feelings a joy and happiness before turning them into despair.

Below are three scenarios of how remorse may develop. This article will deal with the first two since the third is more indicative, this author believes, of a relationship experiencing issues resulting from a breakdown in communication or someone who is not assertive enough to have their needs addressed.

I agreed to what?

Meeting the potential third person for supper. A glass of wine and the conversation begins flowing. She begins flirting with him and soon they are kissing like teenagers. Everything is going smoothly, the two of you decide to invite them back to your place for a ‘nightcap.’ Once at your place, the unspoken message a threesome will happen. Now the only questions remains is how to transition from conversation to sex. After another glass of wine the question seems to work itself out. The two of you are undressing her and all three of you migrate to the bedroom. In the bedroom the scene is more than you can ever believe and you realize porn has underplayed the exhilaration of the experience. He enters her and all of a sudden reality hits like a train hitting a car at high speed. In an instant the joy that is felt is replaced with remorse.

Blindsided:

After the threesome you feel like ‘high-fiving’ your wife and the other for such a fantastic experience. They dress and leave. For the next few hours euphoria hits and a feeling like you have done something marvelous, like cure cancer, hits. Slowly pains of angst hit. As the angst hit you begin feeling fear, dread, and remorse. Soon the euphoria pushes the feeling away. As time passes it feels as though there is a battle going on between joy and angst. After feeling so euphoric from the experience all of a sudden remorse sets in and this time the euphoric feeling does not come back. Now you are left with feelings of dread, fear, and remorse.

I am someone who thinks of others before myself, what is wrong with that?

Having a threesome is more their idea than yours. Instead of discussing your concerns the decision was made to hold back your feelings and give your partner something they wanted. During the time between making the decision not to say anything and the threesome you felt it was noble to put aside feelings for the good of the relationship. You watched them have sex and instead of feeling arouse you felt emotionally number. Now you are feeling regret and disgust.

Why do I feel this way? Where did my feelings come from?

Who has died?

Having a threesome in many ways can lead to temporary feelings of loss or mourning. This can result from sharing your spouse with someone else. When sharing your spouse it can temporarily lead to a feeling of loss. Feeling of loss occurs because of the realization the frailness of your relationship and that someone else finds your partner attractive. By having a threesome it shatters the idealistic image of a relationship and now you are confronted with the true preciousness of your relationship.

Likewise by having a threesome one of the two bonds of monogamy are broken, physical monogamy. This can lead to feelings of remorse because your relationship has moved from being entirely exclusive.

Roller coaster of emotions

Having a threesome is an emotional experience. It brings up a lot feelings, some that are good and some that would make the experience more enjoyable if they did not occur. From an early age we are taught to identify feelings and how to handle them. Rarely we learn feelings are neither good or bad. Instead we analyze them and determine their classification. In my opinion, feelings you may feel may not be remorse but it maybe a combination of feelings.

You said what?

Having a threesome or cuckold may not always be a good idea. I have never met the perfect couple and I believe every couple has issues that needs addressing. The extent to which an issue can negatively influence cuckolding or threesome experience, I believe, depends to a great extent on the communication skills of a couple. If a couple is supportive and works towards solution rather engaging in a death match for power in the relationship then I believe an issue will not adversely impact them. However, if a couple prefers conflict over finding a solution then it is possible that an underlying issue can become an issue much faster with a threesome than if chose to avoid it. Remorse may eveolve from feeling pushed into a having a threesome or cuckold because the individual was not clear about their needs.

Do not go there: ‘Talk to the hand’

As human beings we have developed systems of communication and the longer a couple is together they develop their own language. As a result, assumptions get made and sometimes those assumptions are not clear. In a threesome situation, having boundaries provides a way for communicating by establishing trust by letting everyone know the limits of threesome and they facilitate communication by providing an avenue for discussion they serve as a way of safeguarding feelings. Sometimes boundaries get crossed, get missed, or a couple has a threesome without understanding what they are undertaking. In this type of situation remorse may come from realizing boundaries were too liberal or not being clear.

Getting Over Remorse

1) Who is it to blame?

Certainly there must be someone to blame for the way you feel? Why else do you feel this way?

Blaming your spouse, the invited third person or drinking too much for what happen is not an option. In order to move beyond feeling remorse it is important to realize your responsibility, accept your decision and accept your role. By blaming people or events will not solve the issue. It will only ingrain the issue and allow your feelings to fester that will lead to problems later. Best way to move beyond feeling remorse is to accept your decision and accept the result.

2) Time heals all wounds

Having a threesome will create strong feelings. Knowing that they can develop and effectively dealing with them, is key in having a successful threesome. If you are the invited single person it may be you have feelings for someone from the couple. In a cuckolding situation remorse may come from having an experience that very couples have and feeling remorse because you have gone society’s idea of relationship. Maybe you are a part of the a couple that had a threesome and feel remorse over sharing your spouse with someone else.

Impulsively acting on feelings of remorse is risky. Having been through this experience I know feelings can last for weeks afterwards and acting on them can be destructive. If it is possible, give your feelings a chance to work themselves out and give yourself time before making any decisions. Remember feelings will change with time and what you feel now may not be what you feel later.

3) Is the glass half-empty?

Changing perception helps. The event has occurred. There is no way to reverse time. However you can change the way you view the event. Instead of looking for blame or seeing it the relationship no longer being monogamous. See it for what is, an intimate experience the two of you shared with someone else. Look for the positive in the experience. It could the enjoyment your received from watching your spouse / partner enjoy themselves. Maybe it is a gift you can them to break the shackles of a society defined relationship and to enjoy themselves. Or maybe the two of you made a great friend. Whatever the positive there is in the experience focus on it.

4) Hindsight use it

Before reacting take time to review the events. Also take time to review what you are feeling and how those feelings evolved. During the review do not look for blame but look to understand what brought the feelings to the surface. Understanding how they evolved is important as it will help you to understand your next step.

5) Speak with your forgotten friend, your spouse

Immediately after the threesome take time to discuss with your spouse / partner the experience. Take time to discuss feelings, what went right, and what needs improving. Do not make any decisions but begin talking. Over the next days and weeks take more time to discuss the events. As time passes you will begin to discover feelings and more about your relationship. Take time to share with your spouse / partner. The more the two of you discuss the more likely any adverse feeling will be temporary.

6) Opportunity a new beginning

This should not be immediately done after the threesome. Instead take time to allow feelings to resolve and take time to discuss with your partner. If you are the invited person allow time to pass. Everything is temporary and you will begin see having the threesome or cuckold from a different perspective. In a few days, probably a few weeks, some success will be seen and some improvement too. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Secret: How to Get Over Remorse

Getting over remorse is simple. All that is required is changing your perspective. Changing your perspective is simple by accepting your responsibility for making the decision and accepting you have the power over your feelings. By using this approach, not reacting, and allowing time to heal then conquering remorse is possible.

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5Oct2014

10 things you should know about having a threesome but were afraid to ask

Posted in Threesome opinions by 3somes

Introduction

Over the last few years I have seen progress being made regarding the acceptance of threesomes but we still have a long ways to go before it is accepted as mainstream. There are still a lot of couples who approach having a threesome with very little knowledge and not sure what is involved. Below are a few questions regarding threesomes and over the coming weeks I plan to add more to it.

1) They show interest in having a threesome in the bedroom, does it mean they will agree to have a threesome?

No. Saying you want a threesome during foreplay, during sex, or immediately afterwards is no indication of there interest. Why?

From the start of foreplay our resistance to suggestions lowers because of the state of arousal and the closeness we feel to our partner. As arousal increases resistance further decreases and using of fantasies to further increase arousal continues until climax. After climaxing there is a period time the euphoria from sex continues and this, I believe, allows bonding to occur.

Once sex ends we continue with our daily lives and face the challenges it presents to us. Essentially when interest in having a threesome is expressed it about the fantasy not reality.

2) They have said they will agree to a mfm threesome if I agree to a fmf threesome. Should I agree?

No. Quid-pro-quo, sometimes referred to as ‘something for something’ is a risky situation that requires a lot of trust and very detailed knowledge of your partner. A downfall of this type of agreement occurs after the first threesome and the other does not want to have another threesome. Many times this leads to hurt feelings and conflict in the relationship because there is a feeling of violation of a trust that exists.

A better solution is reaching an agreement on having a threesome then after the first threesome experience evaluating it to determine if it is possible to have another. If it is possible to have another threesome then discuss needs and desires.

3) Should I find someone and surprise them with a threesome?

Again the answer is no. Surprise threesomes rarely work and in most cases they can be quite embarrassing because cues were misread. Instead obtain your partner’s / spouse’s agreement about searching for a threesome for them on your own.

4) They have said no to a threesome. What Should I do?

If someone says no to you, what do you do? In most cases we either ask for feedback or forget about it. Asking for a threesome is the same. If you decide it is not worth pursuing then that is a choice. However, if you ask for feedback there is a few reasons why and sometimes your spouse / partner may not share it. A few of the reasons might include:

Wrong approach used
Goes against their beliefs
Timing was wrong
Misread cues from your partner
They may be open to the idea but your suggestion was no in line with what they were expecting / wanting
It is something they need to consider
Not enough trust due to length of relationship or ongoing relationship issues
Underlining relationship issues
View it as cheating
Afraid to be with someone else because of their limited sexual experiences

Should you choose to ask for feedback it will help you gauge the next step and it will help with communication in the relationship. If a conversation about having a threesome can begin then it is possible that sometime in the future it might occur.

5) How Can I convince them to have a threesome?

There are web sites that claim you convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome but I believe there is no method that will convince them. At the heart of the matter, they must want to have a threesome and if they firmly oppose having a threesome then it is unlikely they will ever agree to have one.

The one thing that you have is time. Time changes everything. Initially may be resistant to the idea but over time their resistance softens. Another weapon in your arsenal is behavior. Relationship security can be a big hurdle for a threesome. Changing they way you relate to your partner and making time for them may be all that is needed. This means convincing them is more about being supportive and providing a channel for discussion than employing a technique to magically get them to agree.

6) They have said yes to the having a threesome, what is our next step?

There are two steps that need to occur almost simultaneously. First step is setting boundaries, which is discussed later in this article. Second is finding the third person. Once discussion on boundaries begins finding the third person should occur. Finding the third person should be a joint effort because it will require each of you agreeing to the choice. How the searching is done is your decision. Once you find them it is important to do some screening and asking them questions. Finally during this time it is important to review boundaries, discuss feelings, and discuss comfort level to ensure no issues that can hurt the relationship arise.

7) Do we need boundaries?

Yes. Boundaries build trust that allows the threesome to occur. They reduce the chance hurt feelings or arguments arise. Some will say they do not need boundaries because they want their partner to choose what they want to experience only to find later they did not consider ‘X’ will happen. Boundaries do not need to be complex and they do not need to be detailed. Instead can be a few rules that everyone has the same understanding that define the threesome.

There are three types of boundaries that need discussing. First, relationship boundaries. Relationship boundaries relate to how the relationship will handle having a threesome. In my situation our relationship boundary regards not using the experience against the other. Meaning, it is a mutual decision that we both make and will not blame the other.

Second type of boundary are threesome boundaries. These will be boundaries that relate to the threesome and will change a In the beginning they should be basic and be specific. While avoiding having too many or boundaries that conflict.

Third type of boundary are implied boundaries. Implied related to expectations, acceptable acts, and acts in the threesome that are off limits. They are implied because it will impossible to go through every possible scenario and impossible to comprehend every possible scenario. Therefore assumptions must be made and if there is going to be an argument regarding boundaries then there is a good chance this will be the type of boundary causing the conflict.

8) How do we find someone that is interested?

Finding a woman interested in a threesome can be a bit challenging, especially if you are looking for a single straight female. However if you are looking for a male the time needed is much shorter. With the boom in mobile and cellular phones finding someone for a threesome is becoming easier. There are applications for your phone and tablet. Websites that focus on threesomes, foursomes, and dating. Also there are swingers clubs, munches, and other similar type of activities that occur in public. Finally if you are open to the experience sometimes finding someone can occur at the most unlikely places.

9) What is it like watching them having sex?

The two of you can discuss feelings, signal for discomfort, and how it might impact the both of you; however until it happens no one will have an idea. For some it is the most erotic experience. Watching someone else pleasing their partner as they participate. Others it is quite possibly the worst experience of their life. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

If the two of you communicate and have a good relationship then it is reasonable to expect some fear along with a lot of excitement. Should this be your first experience then you may have issues with being comfortable communicating in all situations. This may mean letting the invited person know how they can help increase your enjoyment may be difficult thereby not being able to get the most from the experience.

10) Can you enjoy sloppy seconds in a threesome?

Yes. If you are participating and you all the invited male to have sex with your wife / girlfriend first. Be aware she might be a bit uncomfortable and may want you to only to have sex with her. Talk with her before the threesome. Then watch her reaction and listen for cues regarding her comfort level.

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Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

2Aug2014

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3 – being confident

Posted in Threesome opinions by 3somes

Introduction

Think of a time in your life where the outcome was not known but before the event some preparation occurred. For many of us, finals at university or preparing for a job interview are examples. Now ask yourself, “did I feel confident?” Mostly there was nervousness from fear of the unknown but there was also an underlying confidence of that came from preparing. The confidence that came from preparing made it possible to work through being confronted with the unknown and being able to get through the experience.

In many ways persuading them to have a threesome is akin to preparing for finals at university or preparing for a job interview. Why do I use these analogies? Your partner / spouse will be wanting answers and gauging your response. If you were considering the idea of having what will persuade you more, a partner / spouse that was uncomfortable with the idea or a spouse / partner that is confident? How do you develop the confidence to persuade your spouse / partner to have a threesome?

Getting comfortable with idea

Having a threesome means having an experience that is out of the realm of experiences for about 80% – 95% of adults. At the heart of a threesome, involves having someone on watch while the other engages sexually with someone else. By not previously having this experience it may mean the impact of introducing someone else and then having sex with them maybe underestimated.

So, if you never had the experience and group sex experience is out the range of human experience, how do you get comfortable? There are some good free sites, besides this one, that can offer support. A good starting point are Reditt’s cuckold and swingers community. Also Society for Human Sexuality’s web site offers a good introduction to the topic but the one drawback it focuses on swinging as lifestyle instead of an experience. Another good free site includes Yahoo! Answers and Groups United States site. Finally there are some books that can help with the subject.

Another aspect involves communicating with a third person on a very intimate level and being present when it occurs. This runs contrary to what all of us have been taught about monogamy and relationships. Talking, flirting, and intimate touching can be unnerving to watch when it involves someone you love interacting intimately with someone else.

The above gives you information regarding what it may be like having a threesome and the information comes from other peoples’ experiences. Next step involves using that information and formulating what it may be like. Then from there it is deciding what a threesome could be like. Once you have enough information it means asking yourself, “is having a threesome with my spouse /partner something I want?”

Think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs

It may seem counter intuitive to think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs instead of your own. Having a threesome is much more than the physical act of sharing bodily fluids among three people. It is a journey for a couple and a communication exercise. This means understanding where the relationship is, where it is going, and understanding the impact of a threesome. Essentially it means thinking the idea through before suggesting it and before speaking with them it is important to think:

What will they get from having a threesome?
How will it impact them?
What will be their fears?
What will they like about the experience?
How will it impact your relationship?
How will it impact your ability to interact and support them?

The above are some of the questions that need considering before discussing the idea and as you discuss the idea with them. By going through this exercise it will help you better understand discussing having a threesome goes beyond the needs of an individual but the needs of everyone involved.

Putting it together

Discussing the idea of having a threesome can be fraught with issues. Nonetheless, during the discussions your partner / spouse will be surmising, trying to determine your level of confidence and motivation for suggesting the idea. If your partner / spouse feels you ulterior motives or if your spouse / partner feels you are looking for conflict then it is likely the discussion can spiral into conflict.

One method of trying to avoid conflict and have an open discussion about the idea of having a threesome involves speaking being confident. This means thinking through the idea, understanding what is involved, and being able to openly discuss the idea without resorting to manipulation.

By understanding what may occur in a threesome, understanding how it relates to your situation, and then communicating those ideas can build confidence in your partner that having a threesome might be the right idea.

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

27Jul2014

How to plan and manage a threesome using a check list

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by 3somes

Using the check-list

Below is a generic checklist meant to guide couples in planning their first threesome. It is not meant to be a comprehensive checking list covering every possible outcome. Instead it recognizes that every threesome takes its own journey and happens at its own speed. Thereby some steps may occur together or not at all. The overall purpose of the list is meant is serving as a reminder of activities that need to occur and there is no guarantee by following the list it will produce an uneventful threesome.

Finally, there are four parts to the checklist: pre-searching, searching, threesome, and post threesome. Pre-searching regards activities prior to searching for the third person. Searching regards activities during the searching phase. Threesome regards activities when narrowing the list and making the decision to invite through the planning the threesome. Finally the post threesome regards activities to work through any issues that may occur.

Pre-search

Initial discussion
Begin understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome
Discussion regarding expectations, potential issues, and risks
Discussion what it will be like watching / having sex in front of your partner
Discussion regarding boundaries
Discussion regarding issues such as dealing with jealousy
Defining chea ting
What activities are explicitly off-limits
Safety – personal & sexual
What needs to be communicated and to what extent
Privacy – how much information to reveal and how will information be protected
Where to have the threesome
Who to invite / type of person
When to have the threesome
Division of Labor – Who is responsible for example: posting ads, reviewing replies, arranging meeting etc.
How the search will occur
Determining the criteria for scaling back the interested males / females
Role play / simulating the threesome

Searching

Threesome

Review boundaries and ensure the two of you have the same understanding.
Communicate boundaries to third person
Make final arrangements for the threesome including a signal / word that indicates it should not happen.
Manage feelings
Enjoy

Post-Threesome

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

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Unless you ask, how do I know you want a threesome?

19Jul2014

How to persuade them have a threesome: Secret #1- nice to have versus must have

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesome Stages by 3somes

Introduction

Many of us have an interest in trying a threesome for a variety of reasons. It might be desiring to throw away the shackles that society places on us about monogamy. For others it might be wanting to explore the limits of their relationship or to give their partner with something, that a monogamous relationship cannot bring them. In some cases having a threesome might be on their ‘bucket list’ of things to do. Whatever the reason the first step is agreeing to have a threesome.

How do you convince your partner to have a threesome?

A very common question that gets asked, “how do I convince him / her to have a threesome?” The simple answer if they are not interested then do not waste your time trying to convince them. Short of a complete refusal there are a few points to consider and in the coming weeks, I will be writing about some of the secrets of trying to move the conversation about having a threesome to a point where it is agreeable.

Nice to have versus Must Have

Must Have

As humans beings we all have needs to feel secure and having a threesome is no different. At the most basic level, for any us to feel secure in a threesome we must have our basic needs met and this is sometimes called a ‘must have.’ A must have, from a threesome perspective, are tangible and integrable items we need to have a threesome. This might be:

Having the threesome as a one-off
Avoiding some intimate contact with the third person (e.g. kissing)
Being present
Seeing communication
Safe-sex practices

Nice to Have

‘Must have’ forms a part of the boundary for the couple and the threesome to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas a ‘nice to have’ is something that can make the threesome enjoyable but it is not necessary for it to happen. An example might be:

Kissing
Bareback
Same-sex contact

Moving the conversation forward

The first step in moving toward a threesome involve reaching an agreement about the boundary of the threesome. In order to reach the first agreement understanding your partner’s need is vital. Only by negotiating the nice to have, discussing your vision of the threesome and then finding a common area whereby each of you can agree. In order to do this, it will mean being open to different possibilities.

Secret #1 – How does having ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’ help in having a threesome?

Having a threesome mean being open-minded about possibilities and keeping your ‘must haves’ in order to feel secure in the threesome. By understanding why the ‘must haves’ are necessary will help ease further conversations about needs from a threesome. Then at some point the conversation will change to ‘nice to have’ in the threesome and this becomes the area for negotiating to reach the threesome. Only by communicating and understanding needs will a couple be able to move toward having their first threesome.

Other Articles of Interest

Universal Boundaries

Boundaries

Moving beyond the initial discussion

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Part 2: FAQs for Single Men Desiring a MFM Threesome

13Jul2014

A single male’s guide: how to attract a couple without offending them

Posted in Relationships, Techniques / Positions, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesome Stages, Threesomes by 3somes

Introduction

In previous articles such as ‘Asking a Couple for a Threesome,’ and ‘FAQs for Single Men Desiring a Threesome,‘ the thrust of the article was avoiding common mistakes that single men tend to make when approaching a couple for a threesome. This article will take earlier information further by discussing, an approach that I call couple-centric can help increase your chance of success by following seven pieces of advice and help you stand-out from the other 100 single men that are contacting the couple.

1) Accept you are not unique

Accepting this goes a long way in attracting a couple. Many times single men believe:

A couple is searching for a threesome because there is an issue in ‘the bedroom’ and somehow the male cannot satisfy her.
A couple is searching for a single male with a specific attribute (e.g. age, muscular body, large penis)
A couple does not get many replies because the practice of having a threesome is taboo
They are the only male the couple is communicating with about having a threesome

Reality is, you are not so unique that a couple can find another male to meet their needs. The challenge for you is not rest on your laurels and work with a couple.

2) Be Socialble

Being sociable is crucial for a single male. Too often a single male focus on the goal, the threesome, and forget the journey they need to get to that point. Having a threesome is a journey that goes a complex social dance that lasts as long as necessary and each point being social.

In a mfm situation it is the couple that is in charge. This means it is important to get everyone feeling comfortable and it means being able to make ‘small talk.’ Being able to make ‘small talk’ and being able to hold a conversation while focusing your attention on both will be vital in the early stage. Ignoring the male in the relationship, rushing the ‘social pleasantries’ like ‘small talk,’ or not being able to hold a conversation are potential ‘death nail’ with the couple.

3) Think like a couple

Too often a single male will view having a mfm threesome as a way to have NSA (no strings attached) sex with the extra baggage of the boyfriend or husband being present. For the couple she has already made her choice and she has chosen her partner. A single male in their threesome is nothing more than a tool for their sexual enjoyment. For them choosing a single male is who is the best fit their needs at the moment.

For a single male it means putting aside their need and understand the couple, such as:

What type of single male do they want for their threesome?
What has brought this couple to consider the idea of having a threesome?
How does the single male fit into their plans?
Are there any underlying relationship issues that could impact the threesome?
How do they communicate?
What is their style of communication? How can you adapt your communication style to fit their?

4) Understand the couple

I almost included this section with number 3 but felt it was better to keep each point simple. Also I felt it is important to highlight a couple begins their search for a single male at different points in the threesome process

Understanding the couple involve putting yourself in their place. A couple will look for a third person for a threesome when there has been some agreement to at least look. Some couples will be:

Looking to see what type of male is available in their area before deciding to have a threesome
‘Testing the water’ to see if, as a couple, they can go through with the idea
Wanting to make a few connections with different single men before deciding

Whereas some couples might:

Already committed to the idea of having a threesome and are looking for the ‘best fit.’
Looking for a single male that can fulfill a specific fantasy
In some cases they might be looking for a bisexual male

It is important when speaking with a couple about a potential threesome that latitude is given to them by accepting not every couple searches for a single male at exactly the same point. Some may begin the search to only decide that it needs to happen slower or they may make the contact before coming back. Whatever the situation, I believe, a good single male will listen and support the couple by understanding their journey.

5) Understand the single male role in a mfm, mmf threesome

Previously stated, a couple has many choices for a two male threesome and being sociable can go along ways in attracting a couple. The second part of that equation is an understanding in most two male threesomes the single male role is to enhance the pleasure of the woman. This does not mean he needs to have unique sexual abilities that the other men has and it does not mean he needs to have a larger penis than the other male.

Instead it means, he is there as a someone to help the couple expand their enjoyment and he is also there to work closely with the other male in multiplying her pleasure. This implies the single male needs to be adept in social situations, a good communicator, and someone who is able to work well with others.

Next, it is not uncommon for a couple to choose a single male that has more threesome experience than themselves. Sometimes a couple makes this choice because they want someone to guide them into having a threesome and in this type of situation the single male need to be patient with them. However if they are not comfortable with the need then they should tell the couple.

6) View any discussion as a chance ‘to meet the friend you knew existed but never met.’

This simply means approach any potential threesome conversation as a chance to make a friend and not a threesome. Reason for saying this. not every contact will lead to a threesome. It is better to have a positive attitude and a good perspective than being hostile because a couple did not choose you.

7) Accept Rejection

This goes very closely with number 5 because rejection will happen. A successful single male will accept not every couple will choose them and they are comfortable with this reality. Because they are positive about the experience that is something a couple will notice and having a positive attitude can be a powerful mechanism for making yourself stand-out among the hundred other men that are contacting the couple.

Conclusion

The above seven steps are meant to give more insight to a single when speaking with a couple about having a threesome. Arguably for a couple it sheds some light onto the characteristics of a good single male. Furthermore this article is meant to give a usable approach that will not work in every situation but will help increase the chance for success. If you forget everything in this article except one thing then the one thing should be, every couple is unique with their own requirements. Do not push the couple into a decision but enjoy the time you have communicating with them and even if nothing transpires then it is possible they may become a friend and who knows where that friendship might go.

Part 1: Writing an Ad

Part 3: Perils of Using a Friend or Co-Worker for a Threesome

Part 4: Asking a Couple for a Threesome

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12Jul2014

How to convince her to have a threesome

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning by 3somes

During foreplay she talks about wanting another cock insider and how great it would be if she could feel something different. Throughout subsequent “love-making” the fantasy becomes more realistic causing her to climax in ways previously unseen. The images from earlier “love-making” sessions replay leaving the question, “if she gets that horny and climaxes that hard when just talking about the idea then making it happen will be even better.”

Over a period of weeks internet sites are visited looking for the right connection for her and make the threesome a reality. Replies start arriving with some that are totally unacceptable raising the question, “how could someone not appreciate a glorious opportunity that is being presented.” Other replies strike fear that she might prefer him and slowly the ideal situation begins sliding away.

As the ideal situation begins collapsing like a ‘house of cards,’ because there is a realization of her reaction may not be positive. Since nothing has been discussed with her. Instead of discussing the idea, the discussion is replaced with a magical belief that she will accept idea, if the threesome is planned right and by using magical powers of persuasion, similar to the persuasion used on television juries in old crime dramas, she will agree to have a threesome.

So how do you convince her to have a threesome? Simple answer you cannot. Why? We are all human beings with the ability of free will and the ability to make choices for ourselves. Deciding to participate in a threesome involves going against teachings regarding monogamy, relationships, and personal beliefs. It means redefining our view of relationships and the person we love.

In my situation before we had our threesomes we agreed it was a mutual decision and neither of us could use the decision against the other. Also we stated that we would view each other in the best possible light instead of considering the negative about each other. Having these agreements with my wife made it easier for the big transformation that was about to occur. It is difficult to put into words the transformation that occurs, when having a threesome,

Another barrier in convincing her involves understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome and the reality of having a threesome. When we role play the idea we have complete control but in a real threesome, lies with two other individuals who may have different agendas and different objectives. When you peel back all of the layers of a threesome, the core is trust. Having a threesome means accepting the outcome is not in your control and trusting the other participants enough that it will be a positive experience for everyone. For me, this was the scariest because I trusted my wife but I did not know what the outcome.

Final barrier in convincing her revolves around the idea of communication. Communication means talking about your wishes, desires, and fears with your spouse. It means feeling comfortable enough with each other that any subject can be discussed. This means by communicating the need to plan a surprise threesome decrease and the need to convince her decreases too. It means there is no secret formula and no secret technique to convince her to have a threesome.

In conclusion and in answer to the question, as I look back to our relationship over the years, the one thing I have learned communication and the ability to work together solves the issues. For those who are looking for an accelerated route to a threesome unfortunately there are no easy fixes or shortcuts. Communicating, understanding what a threesome involves, and a commitment to each other is the only true way to a threesome. My advice love her for who she is and not what she can give. If you can do that then whatever route is taken will be the right one.

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5Jul2014

Defining Monogamy – A Barrier or a Natural Limit?

Posted in Threesome opinions by 3somes

Intro

Imagine standing at the departure gate, at an airport, and looking out. On the other side of the glass are planes taxing for take-off to distant destinations and as plane take off other planes are landing. Further in the distance there are building, roads, and a line of traffic. Behind you are people all flying off to another destination sitting on chairs, shops, and walls. Monogamy is like being at an airport, surrounded with boundaries but within those boundaries are choices that can take you to other destinations.

Defining Monogamy

Why is defining monogamy important? Monogamy is society’s ideal definition of a relationship. It define how a couple should act, what is acceptable, and it place a limit on behavior. Essentially monogamy is the standard by which a relationship is judged. A couple that momentarily entertain the idea of breaching the ideal standard will face an internal struggle and if discovered breaking the ideal standard will most likely face scorning. It is is the brick wall that will keep a couple from trying a threesome and acting in a socially acceptable way.

What is monogamy? From a relationship perspective it is a consenting adult relationship that is exclusive. Using this definition a couple does not engage in having a relationship or sex with anyone else beside their chosen partner. Even with today’s enlightened sexual attitude towards gay marriage and televisions shows dealing with polygamy, monogamy is still the strongly preferred relationship structure.

History of Monogamy – a brief introduction

Defining monogamy from a historical perspective is much more difficult since monogamy is not a natural evolutionary choice to provide a diverse gene pool but a choice imposed by the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire. The definition of adultery prior the imposition of monogamy is very different than what we know today. Adultery was regarded a married man having sex with a married woman, who was not his wife. This meant a married man could be married and have sex with a woman who was single. The reason, during this era, marriage was seen as a property transaction between the husband and the wife’s father. It was not until suffrage and civil rights movement of the mid-20th century when women began achieving equal rights as men.

As for other nonmonogamous practices polygamy existed during biblical times but it was not until the rise of Catholicism in the Roman Empire and priests attempt to control sex did monogamy become the legal requirement for a couple. There is a suggestion that wife-swapping occurred in ancient Britain and continued into the modern era. Wife-swapping as it is known today started in WWII.

Therefore, when discussing monogamy it is important to determine if it relates to biblical times or modern times since the biblical times definition is incompatible with today’s definition because a married man was permitted to have sex outside of his marriage with an unmarried woman. Whereas today’s definition is gender neutral forbidding any sex outside of the primary relationship.

Types of Monogamy

So, what makes a relationship exclusive? Putting aside the definition of monogamy. I believe there are two parts to exclusivity, emotional and physical.

Emotional

When monogamy is discussed, it is my feeling, monogamy is being equated with emotional monogamy and I believe, the presence of emotional monogamy separates having a threesome from other non monogamous activities such as cuckolding. Emotional monogamy is the emotional bond that binds and keeps a couple together. It is the unspoken bond that pulls a couple through a difficult time and it is the unspoken bond that motivate to provide for their partner’s well-being. It is the intangible bond that define a relationship.

Physical Monogamy

Unlike emotional monogamy physical monogamy is very easily seen and experienced, simply put physical monogamy is sex. If a couple participates in any threesome activity, with the possible exception of soft-swinging, then physical monogamy is lost.

Monogamy and threesomes – Overcoming the Monogamous hurdle

So, how does a couple get over the monogamy hurdle to have an enjoyable threesome? For any couple just beginning to explore this idea the hurdle can be epic because it involves going against everything that has been taught regarding a relationship and the expectation that goes with it. From my experience, it involves changing perspective. Instead of trying to be same as every other couple and believing the same thing as them, try being a leader. View monogamy as a choice, instead of viewing monogamy as an absolute must have for the relationship. By this I mean, think about 10% – 25% of couples that have tried having a threesome and are still together. It is important to remember having a threesome is not a mathematical formula of: loss of relationship = threesome – monogamy. Another possible way, if monogamy is important to the relationship is viewing having a threesome as the loss of physical monogamy while maintaining emotional monogamy. This means viewing the act as a physical act whereby feelings for your partner is maintained.

Conclusion

Monogamy and polygamy have been around since the dawn of ‘man.’ It was not until the rise of the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire that nonomongamy practices became shunned. Even during the time nonmonogamy fell out of favor it still survived being reborn during WWII. Whilst I do not believe monogamy is the right choice for every couple. Monogamy still remain a driving force in shaping a relationship. If couple wishes to try having a threesome but feels monogamy is an issue then there are two methods they can try. First is viewing monogamy as a choice instead of an absolute the other method is viewing having a threesome as a physical act where feelings for each other will remain in tact. In answer to the question, is monogamy a barrier? That is a question each couple will have to answer based on their situation. Whatever choice a couple will make the choice must be in their best interest.

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