Fendi06 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Imagine your partner and you meet a potential third person. Your partner really seem to “hit it off” with them and your partner like this makes you feel happy. However, at the same time your attraction to the third person is like your attraction to a cold dead fish.
Now, imagine your partner wanting to have a threesome and you having ambivalent feelings about the threesome.
What do you do? Do you agree to go ahead with the threesome in order to please your partner? Alternatively do you say no, in order to preserve some self-worth and to protect your sense well-being?
“Taking one for the team,” agreeing to have a threesome in order to please your partner, is never an easy decision. It can create allot of mixed feelings and confusion. It can also lead to resentment afterward. Much of the decision comes down to balancing your needs against the needs of your partner and the relationship. Normally the rule of thumb is if you do not feel an attraction towards the third person then the threesome should not go forward. In order for a threesome to work, this author believes, all three must have some attraction for each other. Without having an attraction then sex becomes mechanical and lacks enjoyment. However, being in relationship it is not always easy and sometimes giving priority to your partner’s needs becomes a forefront concern. This means sometimes sacrifices are made in order to make our partner happy. In those cases the question becomes, can you accept the decision to go forward with the threesome without remorse and accept responsibility for your decision? If you can then it may be worth considering having the threesome. Otherwise then having a threesome may not be the best idea.
Related articles
- We All Follow a Different Path (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why does my spouse / girlfriend want a mfm instead of fmf? (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Evolution of a threesome relationship to an open relaitonship: Relationship structure, Multi-partner relationships, and Communication (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Fantasy versus Reality of Having a threesome: Chapter 4 Resolving the Dilemma of Privacy versus Having a Threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Why we should not always believe what we read about threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Canadian study on sex and threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- George’s & Melissa’s Threesome Adventure – Chapter 4 (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Study on long-term gay open relationships (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Identifying potential time waster replies and fake profiles (3somes.wordpress.com)
Threesomes and variations 
Ah, the most dreaded thing in alternative sexual expression! I don’t think that when people get into this stuff, they never consider this because while they’re planning on doing something together – a threesome, foursome, whatever – they aren’t really thinking about that fact that even though they’re a couple, their sexual preferences – including what they find sexy and attractive – are as different as night and day so, say, what turns my woman on might make me roll my eyes and vice-versa.
The obvious thing to do in this situation is to do nothing… but that’s not what happens because the extracurricular activity is about both people wanting to express themselves sexually so if she’s hot and wet to get with the third person (or another couple) and he ain’t feeling it, he’s gonna go along with it because she wants and needs to and, after all, this is about her as it is about him.
Women are less likely to take one for the team but men? We will take one for the team just to make and keep our woman happy because, duh, we do have to live with her after it’s all over.
My lady and I talked about this because she was worried about my having to take one for the team. I told her that I didn’t see that as a problem because I don’t think there’s anyone I couldn’t have sex with and have fun doing it because, for me, the chance to have sex is rather motivating. I pointed out that she would be more likely to reject someone than I would so if she did, it wasn’t going to be a problem; nothing would take place so no one takes one for the team.
For us, “taking one for the team” is nothing new. After all, my Husband persuading me into having a threesome in the first place was when I took one for the team. This was not something I wanted to do but, I did it for my Husband. Even though I had to compromise my feelings, I saw how that even in the planing stages, this was bringing us closer together, which actually pleasantly surprised me. Even though I took one for the team and compromised with my Husband, I soon discovered a new world open to me which I never would have tried if I hadn’t “taken one for the team”.
People make such a big deal out of this and, really, there’s no need to. At some point, almost everyone who gets into these things winds up doing it, either at the very beginning or somewhere down the road because while we can share the thrill and adventure in any of this, we still have different ideas of what is sexy and attractive. If we understand this about each other, then taking one for the team is, at best, minimized, because we then understand that getting busy with another person or persons isn’t just about us as individuals. I will gladly throw down simply because it makes my lady happy because, when it’s all said and done, I’m getting laid and sharing the experience with her.
Very true. I feel sometimes we get focused on the trees instead of the forest. Meaning that sometimes we get narrowly focused on what we want and forget about the wider picture. In my situation, my wife brought up the idea and had someone in mind. Having done threesomes before, I knew somewhat to expect but not with someone that was preselected. Shockingly it turned out better than expected.
Thank you for sharing that. It shows that sometimes trying something new might be expectantly enjoyable.
Pingback: Building up a relationship « Threesomes and variations
That is very true, Kdaddy23, after the first time you “Take it for the team” it really is no big deal. It does give you the chance to experience something new or different and as long as your needs are being met, hey, I’ll take one for the team every time 🙂
In this, you bring your libido and leave your ego wherever you parked the car. But because people put so much emphasis on preferences, well, taking one for the team is going to be a given… unless one simplifies their preferences, like, they’re of legal age, clean and, most important, they’ve said yes to your indecent proposal. You don’t have to like them – you just gotta be able to have sex with them and, in my opinion, if you truly adopt the “it’s just sex” mantra, well, where’s the problem?
And who can’t get up for getting laid? My lady picked a couple for us to play with and as I listened to her telling me about them, I had that taking one for the team feeling… then I thought, “Hell, I’m gonna get laid one way or the other so why not?”
We had stupid mad fun with them.
Well Kdaddy23, Glad it all turned out well for You and Your Lady but, speaking for myself, there is a lot more to it than just “getting laid” or “it’s just sex”. Attraction IS important to me. There has to be something there. That’s why in our situation, my Husband lets me pick my date and yes I am choosy whom I let in. If it’s early in the evening and we’re just not hitting it off the way I expected, then I would probably just call the whole thing off. That’s where my Husband will have to “Take one for the Team”…LOL!!! 🙂
And if he doesn’t mind, it doesn’t matter, does it?
I agree who can’t get up for getting laid? Sadly, emotions get intertwined with sex and it becomes more complicated than necessary. “Taking one for the team,” evolves from the need to please and seeing your partner happy while putting aside your feelings. In some ways, it is a human thing to do and it can fulfil a need of feeling wanted or making someone else happy. However, if those feelings are tied to feelings of seeing your partner disappointed or feelings of hurt then “taking one for the team,” becomes a bad thing.
Well yeah, it does…
yeah, it does…
Pingback: Surprise Threesomes Do They Work? « Threesomes and variations
I can get my head around doing a group sex thing just to make my lady happy because I can set my feelings aside easily enough. The thing is that if you do this – and for this reason – what’s the point in complaining about having taken one for the team? “You” could simply say no and nothing jumps off; she might be displeased but she’ll get over it since it should be understood from the beginning that no one has to do anything they don’t want to do, right?
So, if it happens, there’s no point in bitching about it because by going along with it, you did consent to participate. Now, in most cases, if you take one for the team, your lady may feel as if she “owes you one” and this is fine depending on how well the two people relate and understand each other in this.
Sadly, when someone takes one for the team and then isn’t “repaid” or it becomes a pattern of behavior, yeah, things can get pretty fugly.
Pingback: Fantasy threesome versus reality of having a threesome « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Fantasy versus Reality – Part 2: Having a threesome what does it mean? « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Why does my husband or boyfriend want a fmf but not mfm? « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: What does having a threesome involve from a couple’s perspective « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: George’s & Melissa’s Threesome Adventure – Chapter 4 « Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Remorse: How to get over it and start living again | Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Who are swingers and polys? | Threesomes and variations
Pingback: Cuckolding statistics | Threesomes and variations