Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Surviving the First Date

Introduction

The cuckolding fantasy give a safe place to view the experience and have the ideal outcome.  Once the first date approaches the fantasy metamorphosis into a storm at sea with the flurry of emotions, the fear, and panic before being replaced with excite the first date brings. It is not until she arrives home and discussing the experience does the storm finally subside. So, how do you survive the storm that comes with the first date?

Boundaries

Starting point is establishing basic boundaries. Cuckolding is not a threesome and will need very different boundaries. A boundary for a threesome might be no kissing, one-off, or no anal sex. This is because having a threesome is a team activity whereby each person can verify the other is following each boundary and as a couple become comfortable with having a threesome their need for specific boundaries begin the wane. Therefore, a boundary in a threesome situation is more about comfort and providing a degree of emotional safety to make sure the threesome does not go beyond a certain points.

However, in a cuckold having a boundary is more about physical safety or relationship safety than emotional safety. Examples of boundaries may include:

• No staying overnight
• Call / text to give update about the date is progressing
• Number of times in a month she meets the other man
• Amount and type of communication that can occur
• Degree to which the discussing the events of her being intimate with someone else
• Meeting the other male and being to ‘veto’ him if not acceptable.

It can be said, having a cuckold requires a higher degree of trust and a deeper understanding of what cuckolding involves to make sure safety.

Build up the relationship

Building up the relationship  prior to the first date is vital for ensuring a positive cuckolding experience and ensuring the relationship can survive the experience. This means any relationship issue that can cause a problem is resolved before the first date and it means finding a way to connect at an emotional level to bond.

Next building up the relationship can also mean changing your communication style whereby the focus changes from superficial discussions to problem resolution. Such a change may involve talking about feelings, needs, and then working towards an agreeable solution.

Finally, building up the relationship means supporting her through the experience in order for it to be a positive experience for her. It may need helping her prepare for the first day and making herself look attractive. This may mean putting aside your feelings to help her feel confident that this is the right decision.

Relationship Changes

As the first date gets closer there may be noticeable relationship changes:

• She may become emotionally distant
• She may want more time to herself
• Sex may decrease or stop
• Anxiety and fear about the relationship may become more common
• Arguments may increase
• Premature ejaculation or inability to become erect
• She may become more focused on appearance

It is important to view them as normal but after the first date, they can be a sign of an issue that needs discussing.

Distraction

The first time can be quite unnerving. She is gone, hopefully enjoying herself with someone else while you are left alone. It is a time when fear and anxiety build that can lead to a hasty decision being made. It is important while she is out a distraction is found that does not involve using drugs, does not involve using alcohol and does not shopping. From my experience, if you are at home, cleaning is a good distraction. Likewise going to a movie or going out also serves as distinction.

Post Date Relationship Changes

Cuckolding will forever change your relationship and each encounter makes it more difficult for the relationship to return to an exclusive relationship.  It is important to expect change and the degree, to which, the change will occur will depend on how the experience impacts each of you.

Finally

Until the first date cuckolding is only a fantasy. However, as the first date approaches the relationship will under go temporary changes that may involve creating an emotional distance to prepare for the cuckolding experience along with the male noticing sexual changes. After the date it is likely there will be changes to the relationship and to make sure the experience is positive the couple will need to make sure they continue to communicate. The first date can be a positive experience if you plan for it, communicate, and view any change positively.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: enjoying sloppy seconds

Introduction

The idea ‘sloppy seconds’ can be enjoyed is ludicrous. How can a physical sign of ‘infidelity’ be erotic?  For a moment, do not think about what it symbolizes. Instead think about, what does ‘sloppy seconds’ mean to you? Think about the image it creates. Is it an erotic scene or an image that provokes disgust? Diving deeper into the scene can you smell anything? Does the image has a musky, sweaty, or another type of smell associated it with it? Finally how does the idea make you feel?

Getting into the mindset

Why ‘sloppy seconds’ are intimidating

Enjoying ‘sloppy seconds’ starts with the right mindset. ‘Sloppy seconds’ for many can be quite intimidating. At its core ‘sloppy seconds’ represent a partner that has had sex with someone else outside of their relationship. The idea of someone having sex outside of the relationship can elicit strong feelings. When those feelings are intensified by engaging the senses when seeing a sign of ‘the act’ it can become too much.

How can ‘sloppy seconds’ provoke such strong feelings? It symbolizes the sexual attractiveness of your partner, it says your partner can enjoy having sex outside of the relationship with someone else, and it is a reminder you were not the one who pleasured them this time. It can create a hollow feeling that creates an emotional distance from your partner and is a reminder of how fragile your relationship is. So, how can such an act be enjoyed?

View it as a gift not a sign

I remember my first experience with ‘sloppy seconds’ it was beautiful, seeing cum dripping out of her pussy and the smell of sex filling the room. Also it was intimidating because it was a sign that someone else slept with my wife. The combination of sight, smell, and imagery produced a very emotional experience for me.

It was not until sometime later when I began looking back that I began to understand it is not about finding enjoyment from the act of ‘unfaithfulness’ and it is not about finding joy from the remains of an act that did not involve you. She could easily bathe and was away all evidence of her lustful encounter. Instead she is choosing to share it with me.

I soon understood enjoying ‘sloppy seconds,’ comes from inside by being able to see ‘sloppy seconds,’ as an interactive gift that is meant to be enjoyed. ‘Sloppy seconds,’ symbolizes the fulfillment of a fantasy that is meant for sharing and it gives a chance to relive your hot wife’s experience. Furthermore it symbolizes her love for you because she is willing to share something that intimate and allowing you to enjoy it.

Putting aside the fear to enjoy

As I have already said ‘sloppy seconds’ be intimidating but if it is seen as as a gift then it can be quite enjoyable. Enjoying ‘sloppy seconds’ requires being able to connect with you partner on an emotional level and physical level. The first step take time to look, explore, and experience it. Finger her, what does it feel like? What smells do you notice? Allow yourself to become a part of that moment. Next, if you are comfortable, is having your partner regale you with how it happened. Listen to what is being said, what images are now going through your mind as you explore their body? Are you able to connect with the experience and feel are you now a part of it?

Finally

Enjoying ‘sloppy seconds’ means putting aside those things that upset you in favor of viewing the beauty of the gift you are about to receive and finding a way to connect with the experience. It is about seeing the totality of the experience, the confirmation of love, and reaffirming your relationship. Also it is about the enjoying the physical beauty of ‘sloppy seconds’ through exploration. Therefore enjoying ‘sloppy seconds,’ is about being confident in yourself, loving the person you are with, and the willingness to enjoy the experience. If you can do this then you are on your way to enjoy ‘sloppy seconds.’

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Him: Surviving the First Date

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2 – separating emotional sex and physical sex

Introduction

From the time our first sex-ed lesson, there is one consistent message and that message is, to have sex you need to love the person.  The message teaches a good lesson about caring, respect, and treating others as equals. It provides the right direction for future relationships. Nonetheless the message also misses three important points.

First the act of sex does not need feelings, only a place. Having feelings for someone else is vital when establishing a long-term relationship for having a family and companionship. The issue of feelings also implies vulnerability, risk of being hurt, and a complex social interaction to develop them then support them. and

Second point, there is nothing wrong having sex for physical enjoyment provided all participants can consent. Having sex for physical enjoyment can be an uncomplicated experience if everyone from the beginning understands the intention and expectation of the encounter.

Third point, the message implies by having sex with someone you love then you will not get hurt.  Getting hurt, means, making the wrong choice about having sex and choosing the wrong person.

Threesomes and feelings

Depending on the type of threesomes be sought, feelings can complicate it. For soft-swinging and a general threesome focusing on pleasure instead of feelings is paramount. If couples approach having a threesome as though they are dating the third person then feelings begin entering into the equation and increasing the risk a damaging outcome will occur. In these situation the ability to enjoy the experience without becoming attached to the third person can happen.

A couple can still be monogamous and have a threesome

It is important to understand there are two parts to monogamy, physical and emotional. Arguably, very few people can claim they are physically monogamous. Physically monogamy means being physically monogamous to one person and depending on the definition, it is possible if you have more than one partner in your lifetime then you are not truly physically monogamous.

This leads to the next part emotional monogamy. Emotional monogamy, I believe, is the core to most relationships. If a couple can keep up their feelings for each other while keeping their feelings for others under control then, I believe, a couple can support their emotional monogamy. For some couples not being emotional monogamous works but for this article, I will focus on keeping feelings separate.

Concurring the monogamy hurdle

Probably the biggest barrier in having a threesome is resolving the idea of cheating. There is no universal definition of cheating. Some definitions are very restrictive that includes a mere thought of someone else other than your spouse as cheating. Having a restrictive definition makes having a threesome nearly impossible and will need some change.

When we were having our threesomes our definition of cheating was quite simple, before the threesome we agree that we would not hold it against the other and we agree there was no cheating was occurring, as long as we kept to our boundaries. By discussing the idea of cheating, monogamy, and what it can mean for the relationship, it can help by progressing the idea of having threesome.

Change the view

Until a couple can accept there are at least two types of sex. Physical sex for pure enjoyment and without forming a relationship with someone else. The second type is emotional sex. This type of sex is shared between two people who care about each other and seek a long-term commitment.

Granted in a relationship each type of sex does occur. Moreover if a threesome is to occur a couple must understand by having physical sex with someone else can mean the relationship can stay intact and it can also mean the changes for the better. Essentially, a couple will have to change their view about sex and relationship.

How to persuade them to have a threesome?

There is no formula, except trial and error. A lot of being able to persuade your partner comes from having a loving stable relationship and understanding their needs. On the journey to have a threesome, it is important your partner understand your feelings for them will not change and having physical sex with someone else will not destroy the relationship.

A lot of how they react will depend on the relationship, their personal beliefs and their experiences. Only by discussing issues such as cheating or the difference between physical and emotional sex can a step towards having a threesome occur. By being patient, willing to openly discuss the topic and giving all the time necessary for the threesome to occur can the journey actually happen. Finally remember there are no guarantees to have a threesome but only to love your partner for who they are, not what they can give you.

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Defining Monogamy – A Barrier or a Natural Limit?

Intro

Imagine standing at the departure gate, at an airport, and looking out. On the other side of the glass are planes taxing for take-off to distant destinations and as plane take off other planes are landing. Further in the distance there are building, roads, and a line of traffic. Behind you are people all flying off to another destination sitting on chairs, shops, and walls. Monogamy is like being at an airport, surrounded with boundaries but within those boundaries are choices that can take you to other destinations.

Defining Monogamy

Why is defining monogamy important? Monogamy is society’s ideal definition of a relationship. It define how a couple should act, what is acceptable, and it place a limit on behavior. Essentially monogamy is the standard by which a relationship is judged. A couple that momentarily entertain the idea of breaching the ideal standard will face an internal struggle and if discovered breaking the ideal standard will most likely face scorning. It is is the brick wall that will keep a couple from trying a threesome and acting in a socially acceptable way.

What is monogamy? From a relationship perspective it is a consenting adult relationship that is exclusive. Using this definition a couple does not engage in having a relationship or sex with anyone else beside their chosen partner. Even with today’s enlightened sexual attitude towards gay marriage and televisions shows dealing with polygamy, monogamy is still the strongly preferred relationship structure.

History of Monogamy – a brief introduction

Defining monogamy from a historical perspective is much more difficult since monogamy is not a natural evolutionary choice to provide a diverse gene pool but a choice imposed by the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire. The definition of adultery prior the imposition of monogamy is very different than what we know today. Adultery was regarded a married man having sex with a married woman, who was not his wife. This meant a married man could be married and have sex with a woman who was single. The reason, during this era, marriage was seen as a property transaction between the husband and the wife’s father. It was not until suffrage and civil rights movement of the mid-20th century when women began achieving equal rights as men.

As for other nonmonogamous practices polygamy existed during biblical times but it was not until the rise of Catholicism in the Roman Empire and priests attempt to control sex did monogamy become the legal requirement for a couple. There is a suggestion that wife-swapping occurred in ancient Britain and continued into the modern era. Wife-swapping as it is known today started in WWII.

Therefore, when discussing monogamy it is important to determine if it relates to biblical times or modern times since the biblical times definition is incompatible with today’s definition because a married man was permitted to have sex outside of his marriage with an unmarried woman.  Whereas today’s definition is gender neutral forbidding any sex outside of the primary relationship.

Types of Monogamy

So, what makes a relationship exclusive? Putting aside the definition of monogamy. I believe there are two parts to exclusivity, emotional and physical.

Emotional

When monogamy is discussed, it is my feeling, monogamy is being equated with emotional monogamy and I believe, the presence of emotional monogamy separates having a threesome from other non monogamous activities such as cuckolding. Emotional monogamy is the emotional bond that binds and keeps a couple together. It is the unspoken bond that pulls a couple through a difficult time and it is the unspoken bond that motivate to provide for their partner’s well-being. It is the intangible bond that define a relationship.

Physical Monogamy

Unlike emotional monogamy physical monogamy is very easily seen and experienced, simply put physical monogamy is sex. If a couple participates in any threesome activity, with the possible exception of soft-swinging, then physical monogamy is lost.

Monogamy and threesomes – Overcoming the Monogamous hurdle

So, how does a couple get over the monogamy hurdle to have an enjoyable threesome? For any couple just beginning to explore this idea the hurdle can be epic because it involves going against everything that has been taught regarding a relationship and the expectation that goes with it. From my experience, it involves changing perspective. Instead of trying to be same as every other couple and believing the same thing as them, try being a leader. View monogamy as a choice, instead of viewing monogamy as an absolute must have for the relationship. By this I mean, think about 10% – 25% of couples that have tried having a threesome and are still together. It is important to remember having a threesome is not a mathematical formula of: loss of relationship = threesome – monogamy. Another possible way, if monogamy is important to the relationship is viewing having a threesome as the loss of physical monogamy while maintaining emotional monogamy. This means viewing the act as a physical act whereby feelings for your partner is maintained.

Conclusion

Monogamy and polygamy have been around since the dawn of ‘man.’ It was not until the rise of the Catholic Church in the Roman Empire that nonomongamy practices became shunned. Even during the time nonmonogamy fell out of favor it still survived being reborn during WWII. Whilst I do not believe monogamy is the right choice for every couple. Monogamy still remain a driving force in shaping a relationship. If couple wishes to try having a threesome but feels monogamy is an issue then there are two methods they can try. First is viewing monogamy as a choice instead of an absolute the other method is viewing having a threesome as a physical act where feelings for each other will remain in tact. In answer to the question, is monogamy a barrier? That is a question each couple will have to answer based on their situation. Whatever choice a couple will make the choice must be in their best interest.  

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5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Intro

What is the biggest mistake someone who never had a threesome can make? Besides pressuring your spouse to have a threesome, in my opinion it is not having boundaries.

From my first threesome with my wife, we had a few very simple boundaries:

• One-off
• No contact afterwards
• We agree to have a threesome is a mutual decision and we will not use it against the other at a later date
• With the other invited male, we agreed it would be a straight threesome with no contact between the men.

The boundary about being a mutual decision and accepting that we will not use it against the other, I believe, is the one that has helped us the most. Since it is the boundary that took the power away from any potential conflict arising from the decision.

Unfortunately some who have a threesome for the first time, approach it ‘starry eyed,’ wanting their spouse to freely enjoy the threesome without limits. Only to find, as she passionately kisses her new-found lover before he ‘goes down’ on her before burying his head in her wet pussy that is craving his long hard cock, and fearing their relationship is about to end. At that fearful moment having the epiphany that having a few simple boundaries might have helped him reduce some of his concerns and allow him to enjoy the threesome.

So how do you set up boundaries?

1) Should be Clear

‘Over Engineering’ a boundary accounting for every potential event does not need to occur. Instead a boundary should have the same understanding for all involved. If the a boundary is no oral sex then everyone understand what makes up oral sex. Instead of assuming everyone has the same definition of oral sex.

2) Should not conflict with other boundaries

A boundary should give security about the extent an activity will occur and it should not conflict with another boundary. If there is a conflict between boundaries then it is likely a boundary will be violated leading to, at least, lack of enjoyment and at its worse the end of the relationship.

3) Limit the number of boundaries

Writing a laundry list of boundaries increases the chance some will be forgotten or even worse, ignored. Ideally try to keep the boundaries somewhere between 3 to 7. A boundary need to be broad enough to cover most situations and clear enough that everyone understands the expectation.

4) Periodically review them

Over time people and needs change. As you become more comfortable with cuckolding, having a threesome, or polyamory you will find there is less of a need for rigid boundaries. Nonetheless there will still be a need for some type of boundary and a boundary can change to meet the changing needs of your relationship.

5) Accept responsibility

Having a threesome is a decision made by three consenting adults who have an equal voice. The only person that can decide to go forward to have a threesome is yourself. If you discuss boundaries then take responsibility for the discussion and any later agreement that is made about them.

 

15 WordPress articles you may have missed during the week of 22 April 2014

Here is another installment of good WordPress articles that have been published over the last week that you may have missed.

In case you are wondering how I select the articles to list. I have read all of them list and feel there is a great quality about them. Great quality means the author has something useful to say that relates to the topics my followers enjoy reading.

Each article relates to sex, threesomes, or a similar topic such as relationships. Generally I tend to pick well written articles in English that are at least a few hundred words in length, ideally a minimum of 5oo words but I will pick an article that has less, and provides my followers with some insight on a subject that interests them.

This week it seems as though Kirstalla’s Blog along with Sex and Regex are batting 1000 with two very well written articles this week.

I hope you take a few minutes to read them. If you like them show the author your support by liking it and leaving a positive comment.

1) TMI Tuesday –  Arousing by Filled and Fooled

2) Threesome #2 by Sex and Regex

3) Threesome Insecurities Followup by Sex and Regex

4) Surprise Party by Sexxxy Milf

5) How We Opened Up and Beyond by Krystalla‘s Blog

6) Deep Desires by Krystalla’s Blog

7) The First Mistake by Swingertopoly

8) My First Date in 8 Years by Poly Pocket of Love

9) Ethical Non-monogamy: Can Sharing Lovers Work for You? by The Wilson Report

10) We Just had an Orgy by Camgirl Sex Stories

11) Pussy Eating Treasure by Janes Illustrated Erotic Sex Blog

12) Curious Mom from the Burbs by Janes illustrated Erotic Sex Blog

13) Finding the balance: Progressing the discussion of having a threesome without collapsing the discussion by 3somes and variations

14) Fantasizing about my Cheating Wife by Cuckold Confession

15) Three by All of my Filthy Little Secrets

 Last Week’s list

Week of 15 April 2015

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Open relationship saving a marraige?

Can an open relationship save a marriage?

The link to the article poses a wider question, can  opening up a relationship save a marriage?

After reading this article I am left to question the impact opening up their relationship will have on their marriage and I question, if the couple profiled will ultimately divorce. In my honest opinion, I believe the couple profiled was the wrong couple to choose for an article like this. I believe their relationship is already damaged and whilst the article promotes non-monogamy in a positive way, I believe an longitudinal article that followed a couple who is considering non-monogamy would have been more powerful. In addition,  if the couple chose to open up the relationship sooner, before the infidelity, then I am left to question if the would have been able to put into place the necessary structure to preserve it.

In answer to the question if non-monogamy can save a marriage? I do not believe this article is a good article but it does highlight some of the issues couples face. On that basis, I believe, it is a very good article to read and I encourage anyone considering non-monogamy to read this article.

 

 

 

Cuckolding Survey

Interested in Cuckolding? You are not alone.

I came across this survey, see below link, a few weeks ago and placed it on my forum site. After having some more time available I thought I would place it here from my followers to read and comment. The survey examines those interested in cuckolding but who have not had the experience. At least for me, I found it informative and supporting other surveys that I have read. At least for me, I believe it is worth the time reading. Hopefully you will take the time to read it and share what you think.

Fantasy-Cuckold-Survey

Swinging and Mental Health

Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationships

I found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.

When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.

While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points  Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.

Related articles

• Compare and Contrast: Polyamory vs. Swinging; Lets get it clear. (marquisexcapades.wordpress.com)
• Defining the Lines: a Swinger’s Dictionary (swingerstales.wordpress.com)
• But Honey, I Thought We Were Only Socially Monogamous! (psychologytoday.com)

Monogamy?

A very good and short blog on the definition of monogamy Monogamy?.

via Monogamy?.