First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Remorse: How to get over it and start living again


RemorseIntroduction

No one should feel remorse when having a cuckold experience. It is a situation where each person has a say and each person has control. Essentially, it does not happen without everyone agreeing and this implies there is personal responsibility.

Furthermore, such an experience is very intimate and very beautiful experience leaving  that should leave all involved feeling good afterwards. For the couple it is something that is unique for them that defines their relationship and is meant to bring them closer. As for the invited individual such an invitation is a privilege that gets extended only to a select few. Few of us thinks about the triad, the three involved in the threesome. A threesome experience or cuckold experience for the triad something shared between them. It is something that binds a couple to someone outside of their relationship. Overall the experience is meant to be a precious that brings happiness to all.

Nonetheless, even with the best planning and the best communication feeling of remorse occurs. What is remorse? Simply put remorse is feeling guilty for something that has occurred. It is the feeling that results from going against personal beliefs, lack of communication, or underlying issues. It is a feeling that can destroy feelings a joy and happiness before turning them into despair.

Below are three scenarios of how remorse may develop. This article will deal with the first two since the third is more indicative, this author believes, of a relationship experiencing issues resulting from a breakdown in communication or someone who is not assertive enough to have their needs addressed.

I agreed to what?

Meeting the potential third person for supper. A glass of wine and the conversation begins flowing. She begins flirting with him and soon they are kissing like teenagers. Everything is going smoothly, the two of you decide to invite them back to your place for a ‘nightcap.’ Once at your place, the unspoken message a threesome will happen. Now the only questions remains is how to transition from conversation to sex. After another glass of wine the question seems to work itself out. The two of you are undressing her and all three of you migrate to the bedroom. In the bedroom the scene is more than you can ever believe and you realize porn has underplayed the exhilaration of the experience. He enters her and all of a sudden reality hits like a train hitting a car at high speed. In an instant the joy that is felt is replaced with remorse.

Blindsided:

After the threesome you feel like ‘high-fiving’ your wife and the other for such a fantastic experience. They dress and leave. For the next few hours euphoria hits and a feeling like you have done something marvelous, like cure cancer, hits. Slowly pains of angst hit. As the angst hit you begin feeling fear, dread, and remorse. Soon the euphoria pushes the feeling away. As time passes it feels as though there is a battle going on between joy and angst. After feeling so euphoric from the experience all of a sudden remorse sets in and this time the euphoric feeling does not come back. Now you are left with feelings of dread, fear, and remorse.

I am someone who thinks of others before myself, what is wrong with that?

Having a threesome is more their idea than yours. Instead of discussing your concerns the decision was made to hold back your feelings and give your partner something they wanted. During the time between making the decision not to say anything and the threesome you felt it was noble to put aside feelings for the good of the relationship. You watched them have sex and instead of feeling arouse you felt emotionally number. Now you are feeling regret and disgust.

Why do I feel this way? Where did my feelings come from?

Who has died?

Having a threesome in many ways can lead to temporary feelings of loss or mourning. This can result from sharing your spouse with someone else. When sharing your spouse it can temporarily lead to a feeling of loss. Feeling of loss occurs because of the realization the frailness of your relationship and that someone else finds your partner attractive. By having a threesome it shatters the idealistic image of a relationship and now you are confronted with the true preciousness of your relationship.

Likewise by having a threesome one of the two bonds of monogamy are broken, physical monogamy. This can lead to feelings of remorse because your relationship has moved from being entirely exclusive.

Roller coaster of emotions

Having a threesome is an emotional experience. It brings up a lot feelings, some that are good and some that would make the experience more enjoyable if they did not occur. From an early age we are taught to identify feelings and how to handle them. Rarely we learn feelings are neither good or bad.  Instead we analyze them and determine their classification. In my opinion, feelings you may feel may not be remorse but it maybe a combination of feelings.

You said what?

Having a threesome or cuckold may not always be a good idea. I have never met the perfect couple and I believe every couple has issues that needs addressing. The extent to which an issue can negatively influence cuckolding or threesome experience, I believe, depends to a great extent on the communication skills of a couple. If a couple is supportive and works towards solution rather engaging in a death match for power in the relationship then I believe an issue will not adversely impact them.  However, if a couple prefers conflict over finding a solution then it is possible that an underlying issue can become an issue much faster with a threesome than if chose to avoid it. Remorse may eveolve from feeling pushed into a having a threesome or cuckold because the individual was not clear about their needs.

Do not go there: ‘Talk to the hand’

IMG_8431

As human beings we have developed systems of communication and the longer a couple is together they develop their own language. As a result, assumptions get made and sometimes those assumptions are not clear. In a threesome situation, having boundaries provides a way for communicating by establishing trust by letting everyone know the limits of threesome and they facilitate communication by providing an avenue for discussion they serve as a way of safeguarding feelings. Sometimes boundaries get crossed, get missed, or a couple has a threesome without understanding what they are undertaking. In this type of situation remorse may come from realizing boundaries were too liberal or not being clear.

Getting Over Remorse

1) Who is it to blame?

Certainly there must be someone to blame for the way you feel? Why else do you feel this way?

Blaming your spouse, the invited third person or drinking too much for what happen is not an option. In order to move beyond feeling remorse it is important to realize your responsibility, accept your decision and accept your role. By blaming people or events will not solve the issue. It will only ingrain the issue and allow your feelings to fester that will lead to problems later. Best way to move beyond feeling remorse is to accept your decision and accept the result.

2) Time heals all wounds

Having a threesome will create strong feelings. Knowing that they can develop and effectively dealing with them, is key in having a successful threesome. If you are the invited single person it may be you have feelings for someone from the couple. In a cuckolding situation remorse may come from having an experience that very couples have and feeling remorse because you have gone society’s idea of relationship. Maybe you are a part of the a couple that had a threesome and feel remorse over sharing your spouse with someone else.

Impulsively acting on feelings of remorse is risky. Having been through this experience I know feelings can last for weeks afterwards and acting on them can be destructive. If it is possible, give your feelings a chance to work themselves out and give yourself time before making any decisions. Remember feelings will change with time and what you feel now may not be what you feel later.

3) Is the glass half-empty?

Changing perception helps. The event has occurred. There is no way to reverse time. However you can change the way you view the event. Instead of looking for blame or seeing it the relationship no longer being monogamous. See it for what is, an intimate experience the two of you shared with someone else. Look for the positive in the experience. It could the enjoyment your received from watching your spouse / partner enjoy themselves. Maybe it is a gift you can them to break the shackles of a society defined relationship and to enjoy themselves. Or maybe the two of you made a great friend. Whatever the positive there is in the experience focus on it.

4) Hindsight use it

Before reacting take time to review the events. Also take time to review what you are feeling and how those feelings evolved. During the review do not look for blame but look to understand what brought the feelings to the surface. Understanding how they evolved is important as it will help you to understand your next step.

5) Speak with your forgotten friend, your spouse

Immediately after the threesome take time to discuss with your spouse / partner the experience. Take time to discuss feelings, what went right, and what needs improving. Do not make any decisions but begin talking. Over the next days and weeks take more time to discuss the events. As time passes you will begin to discover feelings and more about your relationship. Take time to share with your spouse / partner. The more the two of you discuss the more likely any adverse feeling will be temporary.

updated6) Opportunity a new beginning

This should not be immediately done after the threesome. Instead take time to allow feelings to resolve and take time to discuss with your partner.  If you are the invited person allow time to pass. Everything is temporary and you will begin see having the threesome or cuckold from a different perspective. In a few days, probably a few weeks, some success will be seen and some improvement too. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Secret: How to Get Over Remorse

Getting over remorse is simple. All that is required is changing your perspective. Changing your perspective is simple by accepting your responsibility for making the decision and accepting you have the power over your feelings. By using this approach, not reacting, and allowing time to heal then conquering remorse is possible.

 

 

Other articles of interest

5 Laws for Boundaries

Mixed Signals: What do they mean?

Am I ready for a threesome

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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10 things you should know about having a threesome but were afraid to ask


20130714_173035-1Introduction

Over the last few years I have seen progress being made regarding the acceptance of threesomes but we still have a long ways to go before it is accepted as mainstream. There are still a lot of couples who approach having a threesome with very little knowledge and not sure what is involved. Below are a few questions regarding threesomes and over the coming weeks I plan to add more to it.

1) They show interest in having a threesome in the bedroom, does it mean they will agree to have a threesome?

No. Saying you want a threesome during foreplay, during sex, or immediately afterwards is no indication of there interest. Why?

From the start of foreplay our resistance to suggestions lowers because of the state of arousal and the closeness we feel to our partner. As arousal increases resistance further decreases and using of fantasies to further increase arousal continues until climax. After climaxing there is a period time the euphoria from sex continues and this, I believe, allows bonding to occur.

Once sex ends we continue with our daily lives and face the challenges it presents to us. Essentially when interest in having a threesome is expressed it about the fantasy not reality.

2) They have said they will agree to a mfm threesome if I agree to a fmf threesome. Should I agree?

No. Quid-pro-quo, sometimes referred to as ‘something for something’ is a risky situation that requires a lot of trust and very detailed knowledge of your partner. A downfall of this type of agreement occurs after the first threesome and the other does not want to have another threesome. Many times this leads to hurt feelings and conflict in the relationship because there is a feeling of violation of a trust that exists.

A better solution is reaching an agreement on having a threesome then after the first threesome experience evaluating it to determine if it is possible to have another. If it is possible to have another threesome then discuss needs and desires.

3) Should I find someone and surprise them with a threesome?

Again the answer is no. Surprise threesomes rarely work and in most cases they can be quite embarrassing because cues were misread. Instead obtain your partner’s / spouse’s agreement about searching for a threesome for them on your own.

4) They have said no to a threesome. What Should I do?

If someone says no to you, what do you do? In most cases we either ask for feedback or forget about it. Asking for a threesome is the same. If you decide it is not worth pursuing then that is a choice. However, if you ask for feedback there is a few reasons why and sometimes your spouse / partner may not share it. A few of the reasons might include:

  • Wrong approach used
  • Goes against their beliefs
  • Timing was wrong
  • Misread cues from your partner
  • They may be open to the idea but your suggestion was no in line with what they were expecting / wanting
  • It is something they need to consider
  • Not enough trust due to length of relationship or ongoing relationship issues
  • Underlining relationship issues
  • View it as cheating
  • Afraid to be with someone else because of their limited sexual experiences

Should you choose to ask for feedback it will help you gauge the next step and it will help with communication in the relationship. If a conversation about having a threesome can begin then it is possible that sometime in the future it might occur.

5) How Can I convince them to have a threesome?

There are web sites that claim you convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome but I believe there is no method that will convince them. At the heart of the matter, they must want to have a threesome and if they firmly oppose having a threesome then it is unlikely they will ever agree to have one.

The one thing that you have is time. Time changes everything. Initially may be resistant to the idea but over time their resistance softens. Another weapon in your arsenal is behavior. Relationship security can be a big hurdle for a threesome. Changing they way you relate to your partner and making time for them may be all that is needed. This means convincing them is more about being supportive and providing a channel for discussion than employing a technique to magically get them to agree.

6) They have said yes to the having a threesome, what is our next step?

There are two steps that need to occur almost simultaneously. First step is setting boundaries, which is discussed later in this article. Second is finding the third person. Once discussion on boundaries begins finding the third person should occur. Finding the third person should be a joint effort because it will require each of you agreeing to the choice. How the searching is done is your decision. Once you find them it is important to do some screening and asking them questions. Finally during this time it is important to review boundaries, discuss feelings, and discuss comfort level to ensure no issues that can hurt the relationship arise.

7) Do we need boundaries?

Yes. Boundaries build trust that allows the threesome to occur. They reduce the chance hurt feelings or arguments arise. Some will say they do not need boundaries because they want their partner to choose what they want to experience only to find later they did not consider ‘X’ will happen. Boundaries do not need to be complex and they do not need to be detailed. Instead can be a few rules that everyone has the same understanding that define the threesome.

There are three types of boundaries that need discussing. First, relationship boundaries. Relationship boundaries relate to how the relationship will handle having a threesome. In my situation our relationship boundary regards not using the experience against the other. Meaning, it is a mutual decision that we both make and will not blame the other.

Second type of boundary are threesome boundaries. These will be boundaries that relate to the threesome and will change a In the beginning they should be basic and be specific. While avoiding having too many or boundaries that conflict.

Third type of boundary are implied boundaries. Implied related to expectations, acceptable acts, and acts in the threesome that are off limits. They are implied because it will impossible to go through every possible scenario and impossible to comprehend every possible scenario. Therefore assumptions must be made and if there is going to be an argument regarding boundaries then there is a good chance this will be the type of boundary causing the conflict.

8) How do we find someone that is interested?

Finding a woman interested in a threesome can be a bit challenging, especially if you are looking for a single straight female. However if you are looking for a male the time needed is much shorter. With the boom in mobile and cellular phones finding someone for a threesome is becoming easier. There are applications for your phone and tablet. Websites that focus on threesomes, foursomes, and dating. Also there are swingers clubs, munches, and other similar type of activities that occur in public. Finally if you are open to the experience sometimes finding someone can occur at the most unlikely places.

9) What is it like watching them having sex?

The two of you can discuss feelings, signal for discomfort, and how it might impact the both of you; however until it happens no one will have an idea. For some it is the most erotic experience. Watching someone else pleasing their partner as they participate. Others it is quite possibly the worst experience of their life. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

If the two of you communicate and have a good relationship then it is reasonable to expect some fear along with a lot of excitement. Should this be your first experience then you may have issues with being comfortable communicating in all situations. This may mean letting the invited person know how they can help increase your enjoyment may be difficult thereby not being able to get the most from the experience.

10) Can you enjoy sloppy seconds in a threesome?

Yes. If you are participating and you all the invited male to have sex with your wife / girlfriend first. Be aware she might be a bit uncomfortable and may want you to only to have sex with her. Talk with her before the threesome. Then watch her reaction and listen for cues regarding her comfort level.

Other articles of interest

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Using quid-pro-quo as a negotiating position for a threesome

Questions for the third person

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide For Her: Surviving the First Date


First DateIntroduction

Cuckolding provides a woman the best of both worlds. An opportunity to openly have a lover that can fulfill needs that only he can fulfill and a chance for her to live out some of her fantasies while maintaining a loving relationship. In order for her to do this requires being dedicated to support her primary relationship, being dedicated to communicating her needs, and be willing to take the first step once the opportunity arises. This guide is a step in the journey and how to make it through the transformation that will occur.

What Have I got myself into?

Defining cuckolding

Cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions is a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship. Broadly speaking this covers all group sex activities but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms.

I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Expectations

Your boyfriend or husband will expect that you will have sex with someone else outside of your relationship. Similarly any man or ‘bull’ you meet will expect sex. However, it is important to remember for men when there are expectations about sex performance issues may arise that may lead to disappointment.

The above may sound intimidating but there is a lot power that is harnessed. As a woman you will have the last say over who you select, what happens to you, and nothing will happen without your consent. This means you can set your expectations and can manage the expectations of others. Ideally for the first date it is good to have minimal expectations to prevent feeling disappointment and creating too much pressure.

What do I want?

What do I want? Is a powerful question that opens many possibilities. It suggest cuckolding can offer the freedom to decide your own destiny and to meet a need that is not being met. Also, it gives the chance to live out a fantasy and to experience something only a few couples ever get to experience.

Being a woman who is control of her destiny and finding a lover without hiding it, brings a degree of power. Being able to get the most from the experience means understanding your needs and desires. Ask yourself what do you want from the experience? What would you like to try or do? Is there something about the experience that draws you to it versus having a threesome? This type of experience can fulfill a secret fantasy or an unfilled need if done correcting.

Communication Relationship Power

Having an enjoyable experience comes to down to a relationship that works and the ability to communicate. Communication for an enjoyable experience is vital. By being able to effectively communicate needs, comfort and limits means putting aside needs of others to focus on your needs. This can mean, at times, there are competing needs but by working through the issues finding a compromise that works for all.

In this type of situation, as a woman, you have a lot of control. For your boyfriend / husband it means making his fantasy a reality will not happen unless you agree. Likewise, the other male will not be chosen unless his needs are align with your needs. Knowing how to use your power becomes vital for meeting your needs and making the experience work for all.

Boundaries

Cuckolding is not having a threesome, which means there is a lot more more freedom but more risk too. For your husband / boyfriend it is a time of great anxiety. Also for them it can be a source of great joy. Understanding your husband / boyfriend is vital for the experience to work for him, for you, and the relationship. Since cuckolding is not like a threesome the same type of boundaries do not work. Instead cuckolding requires a different set of boundaries that focus on safety and relationship.

This means having discussions about:

  • If you will discuss the experience with the other man
  • If you will share ‘sloppy seconds’ with him
  • If sex will happen once you get back
  • Your husband’s / boyfriend’s comfort level
  • Your comfort level
  • If you want him to meet the other man
  • Safe-sex

Also it raises the question should there be forbidden activities like anal sex or kissing? In my opinion, I believe discussing such topics is futile since your boyfriend / husband will not be present thereby not knowing what transpired.

Meeting

Safety

Thinking about your sexual health and physical well-being is paramount. Sometimes bringing your boyfriend / husband to meet the potential playmate can build a bit of a buffer. By doing this it sends subtle message that someone is aware you are out.

Another point to consider is calling or sending texts to give progress on the date. This can be erotic for your husband / boyfriend and it can serve as a valuable instrument for your safety.

Last point on safety, practicing safe-sex is a must. The last thing you want from a few hours of bliss is an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. Best advice use a condom along with a back up birth control method.

Build a Buffer

Meeting someone for the first time can be a very anxious and awkward time. Being able to ‘click’ online or over the phone is one thing; however meeting in person is totally different. From the beginning let the potential playmate know there are no expectations from the meeting and it is about seeing if things can go further. Taking your boyfriend / husband with can give you a perspective that you may not see before deciding to go forward and if you decide not to go forward with the idea then having them there is a way to politely leave.

 At the meeting

Before meeting the third person discuss with your husband / boyfriend about the meeting. Develop signals and code words to signify:

  • comfort
  • nothing will happen
  • you want to leave
  • he is not comfortable with the other male
  • you are getting comfortable with the other male
  • time for him to leave

This may sound obvious but it is easy for him not to notice because he will be going through his own evaluation. Thereby missing something you might be trying to communicate with him. By talking before meeting the other male it will help to make sure the two of you work as a team and help make the evening go seamlessly.

Examples
  • Suggest to your partner to dance or chat to someone as a signal to leave.
  • Suggesting to your partner to buy some drinks as a signal you want to get to know the other male alone
  • Touching or kissing the other male to show comfort
  • Taking off glasses to show discomfort about choice
  • Talking about getting up early as way to leave for husband / boyfriend or you bring it up as way to bring the meeting to an early close
  • Mentioning a friend being ill as a signal to your husband / boyfriend you have no interest in the other male

Finally Alone

Before actually meeting, it may be worthwhile asking what helps him to relax and what helps to make him comfortable. If you have a fantasy about undressing for another male then share it with him.

After all of the communication and meeting the two of you are finally alone. For you it can be a time of fear and uncertainty because your husband is not there with you. Alternatively it may be a time of excitement because of the unbounded possibilities that exist. In either situation it is important to be able to relax and communicate your needs

For him it can be a time of great anxiety. Watch him, do not rush, and spend a few minutes talking. Helping him relax and you being able to relax will help. Men like looking a women naked and undressing slowly in front him will help arouse him. If you are comfortable asking him to undress you this could be an arousing moment for the both of you.

After undressing there is no need to rush. Take time to enjoy each other and explore. Since he is new, let him know what feels good and if necessary guide him. This your time to make your fantasy come true and mold him into your desires.

As the fantasy becomes reality think about what feels good and what do you want to experience. Try to balance it against trying too much and putting too much pressure on him or yourself.

Returning to your husband

If everything has gone as expected then you should being feeling good about yourself and the experience. Soon you will be back with your husband / boyfriend. This can be quite erotic and very intimate if you choose. For some men, ‘sloppy seconds‘ can be quite intimidating but a confident man will know how to enjoy it.

If the two of you have not agreed that you will bathe before laying with him and if you have not agreed the experience will not be discussed then take him to bed. Encourage him to explore you and to feel where the other man has been. Play to his fantasy of sharing you by telling him how good it was and how much you enjoyed it.

Finally

Surviving the first date takes a lot of communication and trust. Also, it involves a special couple that can introduce a third person and continue to make their relationship work. The key to surviving the first date is felling empowered and being in charge of your destiny. If you can communicate your needs and make everyone happy then you are on your way in having it all.

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Debunking Cuckold Myths

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5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries


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What is the biggest mistake someone who never had a threesome can make? Besides pressuring your spouse to have a threesome, in my opinion it is not having boundaries.

From my first threesome with my wife, we had a few very simple boundaries:

  • One-off
  • No contact afterwards
  • We agree to have a threesome is a mutual decision and we will not use it against the other at a later date
  • With the other invited male, we agreed it would be a straight threesome with no contact between the men.

The boundary about being a mutual decision and accepting that we will not use it against the other, I believe, is the one that has helped us the most. Since it is the boundary that took the power away from any potential conflict arising from the decision.

Unfortunately some who have a threesome for the first time, approach it ‘starry eyed,’ wanting their spouse to freely enjoy the threesome without limits. Only to find, as she passionately kisses her new-found lover before he ‘goes down’ on her before burying his head in her wet pussy that is craving his long hard cock, and fearing their relationship is about to end. At that fearful moment having the epiphany that having a few simple boundaries might have helped him reduce some of his concerns and allow him to enjoy the threesome.

So how do you set up boundaries?

1) Should be Clear

‘Over Engineering’ a boundary accounting for every potential event does not need to occur. Instead a boundary should have the same understanding for all involved. If the a boundary is no oral sex then everyone understand what makes up oral sex. Instead of assuming everyone has the same definition of oral sex.

2) Should not conflict with other boundaries

A boundary should give security about the extent an activity will occur and it should not conflict with another boundary. If there is a conflict between boundaries then it is likely a boundary will be violated leading to, at least, lack of enjoyment and at its worse the end of the relationship.

3) Limit the number of boundaries

Writing a laundry list of boundaries increases the chance some will be forgotten or even worse, ignored. Ideally try to keep the boundaries somewhere between 3 to 7. A boundary need to be broad enough to cover most situations and clear enough that everyone understands the expectation.

4) Periodically review them

Over time people and needs change. As you become more comfortable with cuckolding, having a threesome, or polyamory you will find there is less of a need for rigid boundaries. Nonetheless there will still be a need for some type of boundary and a boundary can change to meet the changing needs of your relationship.

5) Accept responsibility

Having a threesome is a decision made by three consenting adults who have an equal voice. The only person that can decide to go forward to have a threesome is yourself. If you discuss boundaries then take responsibility for the discussion and any later agreement that is made about them.

 

Minimalist guide to threesome planning (it is okay to have doubts)


100% Commitment is not possibleIMG_8802

“Hun, have you considered what it might be like to be with another man?” Or “Dear, have you ever wanted to be with two women at once?” May be the way the wanton conversation start about having a threesome.

Likewise she cums, he cums and a few minutes later he pulls out of her. Then for the next few minutes all of three of you bask in the afterglow of some great sex. However, what happen when the initial conversation ends and the thrill of having a threesome is gone ?

From experience, once the initial thrill of knowing a threesome / cuckold will occur or the thrill of having a threesome is gone the question become, what next? It is at this point, where doubt and insecurity creep into our mind, where sending our partner ‘mix message‘ about wanting a threesome start.

I can recall my initial discussion, “How would you like to invite Fred for a threesome?” was the question Brittany ask me.  For me it was a flood of excitement then feelings of insecurity. For a few moments I thought, “Why is she bringing this up?” “Does she still have feelings for him?” “What about us?” Even though we were talking about having a threesome the question was unexpected. In about 1 minute I went from being excited about having a threesome to utter fear.

So how did I resolve this internal conflict? The answer, discussing boundaries. Taking the time to discuss with Brittany my concern and what I need from the experience to feel secure about our relationship. From that discussion the planned threesome took shape and the experience became an experience that was very much enjoyable.

In conclusion, it is important to remember when working toward having a threesome there will be a moment where there is doubt but to get through it require talking about it then using that discussion to shape the threesome. It is impossible to be 100% committed to the 100% of the time. However, when in doubt communicate with your partner and work through the issue. Being happy and having a loving relationship is more important than having a threesome. If done right it is possible to have a loving relationship and a threesome / cuckold.

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Your threesome journey must start with an internal debate


beachYou must convince yourself you want a threesome before persuading your partner to have a threesome

“How would you feel if I fucked George (not his real name)?” I can still remember that discussion about a cuckold and how it made me feel. I knew from an earlier discussion with my wife that conversation will occur and I was able to read the sign my relationship is heading in that direction. So, how did I did I prepare for the conversation?

To begin with, my preparation is not unlike someone who ask, how do I move my spouse / partner towards having a threesome? What can I do that subtle and does not put pressure on them? In preparing for that conversation, I believe that is the wrong question. I believe the question should be, what do I want from a threesome? Simply put, if you do not know what you want from a threesome then how can you expect to communicate it to your partner / spouse?

Having an enjoyable and successful threesome is dependent on each person’s ability to effectively communicate their need. Need in a threesome is very encompassing that can cover:

  • comfort level
  • what feels good
  • what does not feel good
  • feeling uncomfortable
  • a feeling
  • emotional security
  • physical security
  • trust
  • violation of trust
  • expectation
  • boundary / limit

without the ability to effectively communicate a need and understand what it can mean for you it is wrong to expect someone else to know.

In preparation for the conversation, I knew I had to think about topics such as:

  • What is my comfort limit?
  • Can I accept my decision to allow her to have sex with George?
  • What will it mean for my relationship?
  • Will I be able to grow from the experience or will it devastate me?
  • If it happens what will I need to feel secure?
  • How do I ensure her safety?

As I thought about the I soon discovered I was alright about the idea. Once the conversation began I stated I was happy with it provided:

  • It was a one-off situation
  • She did not stay over-night
  • Safe-sex was practiced
  • She told me what occurred

Now as I look back to that experience, I realize being able to communicate my need to her and the ability to have a loving relationship after 20+ years resided in my ability to understand my need before communicating it to her. Without examining the idea and debating it with myself I do not believe the experience would be as enjoyable as it was for me. Therefore, I believe before you can discuss the idea of having a threesome you need to understand what it means for you.

 

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