Why you can never go back


IMG_8531

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
  • Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
  • Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
  • Feelings toward your spouse
  • How each of you relate to the other
  • You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
  • Feelings develop for the third person
  • They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
  • Other changes including though not limited to:
    • Increase in sex drive
    • Decrease in sex drive
    • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Why Couples Choose Cuckolding

Easing into wife sharing

25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)


Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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First time? 10 things I should I expect


threesome experienceFirst time drawing near?

Having your first threesome is a lot like riding a bike for the first time without training wheels or your first kiss. It is is a lasting experience that will create a lasting impression. So, the question that is probably lurking, what should I expect from my first threesome?

Unlike twenty years ago or even a few years ago having a threesome is more accepted. However a lot of unbiased information does not exist. Too often talk shows, news, and even friends present a myopic image of the experience. There are a lot of reasons as to why this occurs, such as money, a point to be made, or to attract viewers. Whatever the reason, the experience gets missed in favor of glamorizing it.

1) Reality of having a threesome or cuckold is not like porn, television, or the movies.

Having a threesome experience or cuckold experience involves real people and real feelings with real consequences. Once you begin the process of exploring the idea your relationship will forever change. Expect to feel a variety of emotions, thoughts and feelings over a period of time. It is easy to react to them but do not. Allow a significant amount of time to pass and talk about your feelings before making any decision that may have long reaching consequences. Remember this reality and there is no magical way to reverse time to a point before having the experience.

2) Performance anxiety happens

Expectations can be built up  leading to stress that can lead to performance related issues. Performance anxiety shows up in many different ways:

Men:

  • In ability to become erect or maintain an erection
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Hesitation or reluctance
  • Nervousness, anxiety, withdrawing, or emotional

Women:

  • Lack of response
  • Unable to lubricate or maintain being wet
  • Emotional and / or withdrawing

Best way to minimize the effect of performance related issues is to limit expectations, keep realistic expectations, and communicate about issues as they occur.

3) Change

Everyday we learn something new, we grow from our experience and it is foolish to believe we do not change. By having a threesome, you will be introducing a lot of change to the relationship in a very short amount of time. Some change will occur very rapid. Changes that are likely to occur include:

  • As a couple the way you communicate
  • Attitude towards each other
  • How you view and relate to your spouse / partner
  • Beliefs towards relationships, marriage, and life
  • Feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

It is important to remember wanting a threesome or cuckold is a life changing experience that will have far-reaching effects. Therefore, it is important to be cautious and to remember your spouse / partner are also going through a similar experience even though they may not be showing the behaviors.

4) Different Starting and ending points

Having a threesome in some ways is like a sprint. Everyone starts at difference places but ends at the point. In a journey to have a threesome, everyone begins their journey with preconceived ideas based on beliefs and experiences. Once the journey begins and the idea of swinging is explored the idea becomes more tangible. This can lead to changes whereby the individual who initially brought-up the idea may become more calculating because the idea is no longer pure fantasy and an element of reality is entering. Likewise someone who may be reluctant and starts understanding the possibilities may become eager. It is therefore possible each person who begins this journey may find they undergo a transformation.

5) The third person

Swinging can have a far reaching effect on the individual and the relationship. Choosing the right third person is paramount in ensuring continuity, before and after the experience, and preserving the relationship. Also choosing the right third person can enhance the experience and make it a very caring experiencing

So, how do you find the right third person? The is a temptation, when starting out, to choose a friend or a co-worker. On the surface the choice appears logical. However choosing someone well known brings its own set of issues. Whilst it is impossible to speculate on every possible scenario, one thing is clear sometimes choosing someone that is unknown can be a better choice.

There is no guarantee any route you choose to find a third person will work. The best route, I believe, is method that uses all of the tools available to you. This includes using online sites asking questions and meeting the individual before any activity happens. It does not have to be a several month process of asking in depth questions and developing a close friendship. Instead it can be relatively brief to develop trust and feel confident the third person has your best interest at heart.

6) Nothing can be prepare you for the night

The day finally arrives. A mixture of feelings happen. Anxiety, fear, and the elation only to find the need to remain calm. Then a few hours before meeting the third person trying on several pieces of clothing happens and getting your hair just right. She looks beautiful and you begin looking at it as a night that will be remembered.

After a bit of socializing the discussion turns to sex. At first a few jokes get made, then the discussion becomes a bit more serious before discovering you have reached the point of no return. Everybody heads to the bedroom she undresses before laying on the bed. Soon everyone is naked and for a few minutes it is a very erotic experience.

Soon kissing, touching, and intimacy begins. All of the discussion and preparation culminates into this experience. There is a feeling of surrealism that fills the room. At first you soak in the experience but soon your beliefs begin to become challenged. It is almost as though something has overtaken your body. Your responses feel as though it is someone else in control. In some ways it is liberating because this is a feeling that has never been experienced and other ways it is frightening since it is easy to lose control.

Soon he enters your wife and a flood of emotions hit. Now there is no turning back and your relationship has forever been changed. She lays there, appearing to enjoy it. Her reaction makes you frightened and shatters everything you know of her.

7) Did it happen?

Having a threesome means accepting change will occur. After the threesome expect a lot of change to happen. Expect as the thrill wears off that there may be feelings of mourning, anger, and feelings of distance. This is normal. A lot has happened prior, during, and after the threesome. Now it is time for your mind to work through all of it.

During this time it is important to discuss feelings and the experience. This means do not shut your spouse out but use them as a resource. Having a threesome can be a powerful force that brings couples together if they are willing to work together instead of driving them away.

8) We will have another threesome?

It is good that you consider the idea and think about your experience. Most couples who have threesomes do not live a threesome lifestyle. Instead they may have an occasional, maybe a few in their relationship, and maybe they will only have one. The answer to that question depends on time and on the experience.

9) No one will know

After having a threesome it is possible to feel that everyone knows your secret. Most likely the only ones who know are the third person, your spouse, and you. It is unlikely others will know unless you were in public, you are well known, or you are upfront about having threesomes. In most situations, people are too afraid to ask or by ‘outting‘ they are also telling on themselves. This means in many circumstances no one will know unless you tell them.

10) Long-term implications

It is impossible to know the outcome when you begin your journey. If you approach having a threesome with love, trust, and caring for the participants then it is realistic to expect a positive outcome. Even if the initial experience is bad, in time, you may find the experience was beneficial or positive. Regardless of your initial feelings a threesome that has gone will can increase happiness, satisfaction, and communication in a relationship.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

Watching my wife having sex with someone else

Threesome positions

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Threesome Foursome: Adding Spice to an erotic experience by trying an unique position


Introduction

Planning a threesome? Wondering what position to use? Maybe split roast, double penetration, and watching while to the invited male fucks your wife while you watch is becoming blase. Regardless below there is an opportunity to add some creativity and excitement to your threesome by trying new positions. The plethora of positions listed below are a collection of threesome positions for both mfm and fmf along with a few foursome positions.

Cosmo Twitter After Dark

Cosmo Twitter After Dark regarding realistic threesome positions. It is a good article. However the cartoon like drawings and the descriptions are light-hearted; however the light-heartedness, I feel, detracts from the purpose. Nonetheless, I believe, this is a great piece that is worth the time to review.

AskMen – UK

Cosmo does a great job with article on threesome positions. In contrast AskMen – UK is more pragmatic. Instead of 15 positions it focuses on 7 positions using real-life models along with discussing the benefits of each position.

DatingAdvice.com

The list on this site adds to the depth of positions available. The only drawback, unlike the other sites listed here, this site provides descriptions without video or photos; instead this site relies on descriptions.

SexualPositionsFree.com

This site takes an unique approach to the topic of threesome positions by using wooden figures in various positions.

YouTube – Living La Vita Loca (fmf / mff threesome)

For YouTube videos this is very well done and it focuses on threesome position for a two woman threesome

Finally

Regardless if you opt for a familiar position such as split roast or something more adventurous, the one thing that is clear having a threesome  can greatly enhance for any couple.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

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Cuckolding statistics


jouney

searching for information is a journey that begins with a step

Due to the ethics involved in doing research, especially sex. It is very difficult to find studies that show estimates of sexual practices, especially cuckolding. Finding statistics on threesomes, swinging, and polyamory because each practice is common whereas cuckolding is less common.

Nonetheless, as I was doing some searching for cuckolding statistics I did come across a few good cuckolding articles on the Examiner. This link will take you from this site to the Examiner, which in no way associated with this site, and provide you with a list of articles. In the list there is one article of interest that talks about the rise of cuckolding but unfortunately does not provide concrete numbers. Also I do find the Examiner’s site lacking on specific information but is a good source for general information. Likewise Psychology Today has an article about the rise of cuckolding. Again it does not provide a concrete estimates on the practice but discusses it rise in popularity.

Additional Articles

Canadian Study on sex and threesome

Open relationship study

Librarian and Pastor into Threesomes

Taking one for the team

Who are swingers and polys?

Cuckolding web sites

Threesome Terminology

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10 things you should know about having a threesome but were afraid to ask


20130714_173035-1Introduction

Over the last few years I have seen progress being made regarding the acceptance of threesomes but we still have a long ways to go before it is accepted as mainstream. There are still a lot of couples who approach having a threesome with very little knowledge and not sure what is involved. Below are a few questions regarding threesomes and over the coming weeks I plan to add more to it.

1) They show interest in having a threesome in the bedroom, does it mean they will agree to have a threesome?

No. Saying you want a threesome during foreplay, during sex, or immediately afterwards is no indication of there interest. Why?

From the start of foreplay our resistance to suggestions lowers because of the state of arousal and the closeness we feel to our partner. As arousal increases resistance further decreases and using of fantasies to further increase arousal continues until climax. After climaxing there is a period time the euphoria from sex continues and this, I believe, allows bonding to occur.

Once sex ends we continue with our daily lives and face the challenges it presents to us. Essentially when interest in having a threesome is expressed it about the fantasy not reality.

2) They have said they will agree to a mfm threesome if I agree to a fmf threesome. Should I agree?

No. Quid-pro-quo, sometimes referred to as ‘something for something’ is a risky situation that requires a lot of trust and very detailed knowledge of your partner. A downfall of this type of agreement occurs after the first threesome and the other does not want to have another threesome. Many times this leads to hurt feelings and conflict in the relationship because there is a feeling of violation of a trust that exists.

A better solution is reaching an agreement on having a threesome then after the first threesome experience evaluating it to determine if it is possible to have another. If it is possible to have another threesome then discuss needs and desires.

3) Should I find someone and surprise them with a threesome?

Again the answer is no. Surprise threesomes rarely work and in most cases they can be quite embarrassing because cues were misread. Instead obtain your partner’s / spouse’s agreement about searching for a threesome for them on your own.

4) They have said no to a threesome. What Should I do?

If someone says no to you, what do you do? In most cases we either ask for feedback or forget about it. Asking for a threesome is the same. If you decide it is not worth pursuing then that is a choice. However, if you ask for feedback there is a few reasons why and sometimes your spouse / partner may not share it. A few of the reasons might include:

  • Wrong approach used
  • Goes against their beliefs
  • Timing was wrong
  • Misread cues from your partner
  • They may be open to the idea but your suggestion was no in line with what they were expecting / wanting
  • It is something they need to consider
  • Not enough trust due to length of relationship or ongoing relationship issues
  • Underlining relationship issues
  • View it as cheating
  • Afraid to be with someone else because of their limited sexual experiences

Should you choose to ask for feedback it will help you gauge the next step and it will help with communication in the relationship. If a conversation about having a threesome can begin then it is possible that sometime in the future it might occur.

5) How Can I convince them to have a threesome?

There are web sites that claim you convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome but I believe there is no method that will convince them. At the heart of the matter, they must want to have a threesome and if they firmly oppose having a threesome then it is unlikely they will ever agree to have one.

The one thing that you have is time. Time changes everything. Initially may be resistant to the idea but over time their resistance softens. Another weapon in your arsenal is behavior. Relationship security can be a big hurdle for a threesome. Changing they way you relate to your partner and making time for them may be all that is needed. This means convincing them is more about being supportive and providing a channel for discussion than employing a technique to magically get them to agree.

6) They have said yes to the having a threesome, what is our next step?

There are two steps that need to occur almost simultaneously. First step is setting boundaries, which is discussed later in this article. Second is finding the third person. Once discussion on boundaries begins finding the third person should occur. Finding the third person should be a joint effort because it will require each of you agreeing to the choice. How the searching is done is your decision. Once you find them it is important to do some screening and asking them questions. Finally during this time it is important to review boundaries, discuss feelings, and discuss comfort level to ensure no issues that can hurt the relationship arise.

7) Do we need boundaries?

Yes. Boundaries build trust that allows the threesome to occur. They reduce the chance hurt feelings or arguments arise. Some will say they do not need boundaries because they want their partner to choose what they want to experience only to find later they did not consider ‘X’ will happen. Boundaries do not need to be complex and they do not need to be detailed. Instead can be a few rules that everyone has the same understanding that define the threesome.

There are three types of boundaries that need discussing. First, relationship boundaries. Relationship boundaries relate to how the relationship will handle having a threesome. In my situation our relationship boundary regards not using the experience against the other. Meaning, it is a mutual decision that we both make and will not blame the other.

Second type of boundary are threesome boundaries. These will be boundaries that relate to the threesome and will change a In the beginning they should be basic and be specific. While avoiding having too many or boundaries that conflict.

Third type of boundary are implied boundaries. Implied related to expectations, acceptable acts, and acts in the threesome that are off limits. They are implied because it will impossible to go through every possible scenario and impossible to comprehend every possible scenario. Therefore assumptions must be made and if there is going to be an argument regarding boundaries then there is a good chance this will be the type of boundary causing the conflict.

8) How do we find someone that is interested?

Finding a woman interested in a threesome can be a bit challenging, especially if you are looking for a single straight female. However if you are looking for a male the time needed is much shorter. With the boom in mobile and cellular phones finding someone for a threesome is becoming easier. There are applications for your phone and tablet. Websites that focus on threesomes, foursomes, and dating. Also there are swingers clubs, munches, and other similar type of activities that occur in public. Finally if you are open to the experience sometimes finding someone can occur at the most unlikely places.

9) What is it like watching them having sex?

The two of you can discuss feelings, signal for discomfort, and how it might impact the both of you; however until it happens no one will have an idea. For some it is the most erotic experience. Watching someone else pleasing their partner as they participate. Others it is quite possibly the worst experience of their life. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

If the two of you communicate and have a good relationship then it is reasonable to expect some fear along with a lot of excitement. Should this be your first experience then you may have issues with being comfortable communicating in all situations. This may mean letting the invited person know how they can help increase your enjoyment may be difficult thereby not being able to get the most from the experience.

10) Can you enjoy sloppy seconds in a threesome?

Yes. If you are participating and you all the invited male to have sex with your wife / girlfriend first. Be aware she might be a bit uncomfortable and may want you to only to have sex with her. Talk with her before the threesome. Then watch her reaction and listen for cues regarding her comfort level.

Other articles of interest

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Using quid-pro-quo as a negotiating position for a threesome

Questions for the third person

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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