How to persuade them have a threesome: Secret #1- nice to have versus must have

Introduction

Many of us have an interest in trying a threesome for a variety of reasons. It might be desiring to throw away the shackles that society places on us about monogamy. For others it might be wanting to explore the limits of their relationship or to give their partner with something, that a monogamous relationship cannot bring them. In some cases having a threesome might be on their ‘bucket list’ of things to do. Whatever the reason the first step is agreeing to have a threesome.

How do you convince your partner to have a threesome?

A very common question that gets asked, “how do I convince him / her to have a threesome?” The simple answer if they are not interested then do not waste your time trying to convince them. Short of a complete refusal there are a few points to consider and in the coming weeks, I will be writing about some of the secrets of trying to move the conversation about having a threesome to a point where it is agreeable.

Nice to have versus Must Have

Must Have

As humans beings we all have needs to feel secure and having a threesome is no different. At the most basic level, for any us to feel secure in a threesome we must have our basic needs met and this is sometimes called a ‘must have.’ A must have, from a threesome perspective, are tangible and  integrable items we need to have a threesome. This might be:

• Having the threesome as a one-off
• Avoiding some intimate contact with the third person (e.g. kissing)
• Being present
• Seeing communication
• Safe-sex practices

Nice to Have

‘Must have’ forms a part of the boundary for the couple and the threesome to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas a ‘nice to have’ is something that can make the threesome enjoyable but it is not necessary for it to happen. An example might be:

• Kissing
• Bareback
• Same-sex contact

Moving the conversation forward

The first step in moving toward a threesome involve reaching an agreement about the boundary of the threesome. In order to reach the first agreement understanding your partner’s need is vital. Only by negotiating  the nice to have, discussing your vision of the threesome and then finding a common area whereby each of you can agree. In order to do this, it will mean being open to different possibilities.

Secret #1 – How does having ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’ help in having a threesome?

Having a threesome mean being open-minded about possibilities and keeping your ‘must haves’ in order to feel secure in the threesome. By understanding why the ‘must haves’ are necessary will help ease further conversations about needs from a threesome. Then at some point the conversation will change to ‘nice to have’ in the threesome and this becomes the area for negotiating to reach the threesome. Only by communicating and understanding needs will a couple be able to move toward having their first threesome.

Other Articles of Interest

Universal Boundaries

Boundaries

Unless you ask, how do I know you want a threesome?

Moving beyond the initial discussion

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Minimalist guide to threesome planning (it is okay to have doubts)

100% Commitment is not possible

“Hun, have you considered what it might be like to be with another man?” Or “Dear, have you ever wanted to be with two women at once?” May be the way the wanton conversation start about having a threesome.

Likewise she cums, he cums and a few minutes later he pulls out of her. Then for the next few minutes all of three of you bask in the afterglow of some great sex. However, what happen when the initial conversation ends and the thrill of having a threesome is gone ?

From experience, once the initial thrill of knowing a threesome / cuckold will occur or the thrill of having a threesome is gone the question become, what next? It is at this point, where doubt and insecurity creep into our mind, where sending our partner ‘mix message‘ about wanting a threesome start.

I can recall my initial discussion, “How would you like to invite Fred for a threesome?” was the question Brittany ask me.  For me it was a flood of excitement then feelings of insecurity. For a few moments I thought, “Why is she bringing this up?” “Does she still have feelings for him?” “What about us?” Even though we were talking about having a threesome the question was unexpected. In about 1 minute I went from being excited about having a threesome to utter fear.

So how did I resolve this internal conflict? The answer, discussing boundaries. Taking the time to discuss with Brittany my concern and what I need from the experience to feel secure about our relationship. From that discussion the planned threesome took shape and the experience became an experience that was very much enjoyable.

In conclusion, it is important to remember when working toward having a threesome there will be a moment where there is doubt but to get through it require talking about it then using that discussion to shape the threesome. It is impossible to be 100% committed to the 100% of the time. However, when in doubt communicate with your partner and work through the issue. Being happy and having a loving relationship is more important than having a threesome. If done right it is possible to have a loving relationship and a threesome / cuckold.

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Bisexual Male Etiquette for MFM Threesome

Introduction

Many men and a few women fantasize of erotic woman on woman contact in a threesome. Woman on woman contact is every where from the movies to commercials and television shows. I have seen a few main-stream television shows that open with a lesbian scene.

Unfortunately male on male contact has yet to become mainstream. The one main-stream television show that I have seen approaching this issue moved from telling a cute story to a show that started attacking society and groups that did not agree with their view point of same-sex equality. From my experience, I have yet to meet an individual or a couple that fantasize about male on male contact in a threesome.  Instead it is something they would like to experience or may see.

For the bisexual male, who is just starting out, it can leave them in a predicament about approaching a couple. A couple has their choice of single men and can be quite selective who they choose since there is an abundance of single men interested in having a threesome. So, how can a bisexual males improve their chance of finding a couple and keep their interest?

Starting Point

Starting point simply means using a frame of reference in order to approach the threesome. In this context it is accepting the couple is a couple. This means there are two individuals who share mutual interests and who share their lives together. As a result what happens in the threesome will have an impact on their lives and the lives of others. Respecting them and their relationship is paramount in being considered for a threesome.

Mirage

Many couples who search for single men do not necessarily search for bisexual single men. Some couples may not consider the idea, some couples may say the male half of the couple is bi-curious and others may be opposed to the idea. Contacting a couple based on the assumption they are looking for a bisexual men to join them because they are searching for potential men to join them maybe a fatal flow.

Risks

Couples who consider threesomes tend to be educated and intelligent. They tend to be aware of the risks of HIV / AIDs, syphilis, and other sexually transmitted diseases. As a result they tend to be aware sex between men is a primary way of spreading infection. This can result in limiting bisexual activity between the men to oral activity and wanting to use condoms as a way of limiting their risk.

Approach

Assuming the couple is not openly looking for a bisexual male to join them then the approach needs to be accommodating. Accommodating means, taking time for understanding their needs. Are they looking for a straight threesome? Is the couple open to male on male contact? If so, what is acceptable? What is the male half of the couple wanting from a bisexual male?

The next part of the approach is to gradually introduce the idea of being bisexual. This does not mean lie to them. Instead it means easing them to the idea. For example if the couple asks, “What are your boundaries for physical contact with other males in a threesome?” One way to gradually introduce the idea is by stating, “I am, under the right circumstances, not opposed to male on male contact.” However, if they ask you if you are bisexual a possible response might be, “I can be flexible. Male on male contact is something I enjoy but it is not necessary. If he is open to it, we hit it off, and the mood is right then we can see where it goes.” In essence, using an accommodating approach means being adaptable to the needs of the couple.

Threesome

Speaking with the couple will give you a general idea of the couple’s comfort level with male on male contact in the threesome. However talking about a threesome and having the threesome are two separate activities. A lot of the time a couple will express their interest in specific activities before having the threesome but once it happens, it is likely the threesome will not develop into the ‘ideal’ threesome that was being previously discussed.

Unless the couple specifically states they are interested in male on male contact in the threesome and the woman is taking on a voyeur role, it is fair to assume they have chosen a bisexual male to pleasure both of them. This means some attention needs to be paid to her along with determining the other male’s interest in same sex contact. If it is his first time find a way to get him comfortable and ease him it same sex contact. It is better to limit the activity to oral and / or some form of masturbation than to push for something more intimate. Making it too intimate for him too fast may make the both of them uncomfortable.

How do you know if you have found the third person?

After Posting the Profiles and Respond to Replies, What is Next?

Introduction

Searching for a third person to join a threesome takes a lot of work. After posting profiles on various web sites and responding  the work can bring 50 – 100 replies in less than 72 hours. After sifting through all of them you identify 10 that seem like a possible match? So, how to you make the right decision?

Making the right decision is not based on an accepted standard but based on the needs of the couple. It is the couple’s expectation, boundaries, and the type of person they are seeking that will drive their selection. Selecting the third person is driven by their discussions about what they want and expect from a threesome. Even when the couple believes they have done everything possible to make the right decision sometimes the unexpected happens. This article is meant to present some ideas on how the decision process might operate but the ultimate decision lies with the couple.

Are you Being Realistic?

Probably the very first question that should be asked, are we being realistic? This means are the expectations and standards being used realistic? Examples include:

• Meeting someone with celebrity looks and body instead of someone with normal features. Looking for someone with celebrity looks may mean a long-time searching to find the person that meets your expectations.
• Expecting the third person to be a great communicator and highly sociable even though many of us are nervous about meeting new people. The first time talking with the individual maybe awkward and expecting an electrifying experience probably will not happen.
• Expecting instant and electrifying ‘chemistry’ even though it may take some work or time before any ‘chemistry’ develops.
• First-time will just be like the porn movies. Reality is very different from the movies. If for example you are pursuing a two male threesome then it is possible one of the males might suffer ‘performance anxiety’ or due to the stress of the situation be a fast ‘cummer.’ For the woman she many find climaxing or becoming lubricated to be difficult, if not impossible.
• Believing the invited male will be well endowed and believing everything in their profile is 100% true. Size, in this author’s opinion, should not be the defining feature to choosing someone. In addition, profiles become outdated and they can be overstated.

Without having realistic expectations it means at a minimum the threesome most likely will be disappointing since expectations were too high and at its worse it will mean the threesome will not happen because no one is able to meet such high standards.

Take it at you own speed

Some people believe those who are slow to respond or will not meet after the first reply are not legitimate. Whilst, the point is understandable, it does not take into account the schedule of the couple, the time they have to devote to their search, and it does not take into account that the couple may just be starting out. The best way to approach this, I believe, is to be upfront in any reply, profile or ad about how fast things will happen. In my opinion one of the worst things that can happen is being forced into making a decision about a threesome or having a threesome with a specific individual before being ready. Therefore it is best to progress at a speed that is comfortable and not change it for fear of loosing a possible playmate.

Initial Contact and Sequential Contact

As stated above progress at a speed that is comfortable for you. For couples just starting out my recommendation is to have your first contact via email with a lot of questions. Below are a few suggestions for questions:

• If using a threesome / dating site ask questions based on their profile
• What is your experience with threesomes?
• Have you had many threesomes?
• If they had a threesome:
  1. what was an enjoyable about it?
  2. What was not enjoyable?
  3. How long did the threesome relationship last?
  4. Why did it end?
• Are you currently dating anyone?
• Are you in a relationship?
• What are your expectations for a threesome?
• What are your boundaries?
• Have you ever had an STD? If so, what is it? Are you now clean?
• What would you like to try / explore in this threesome?
• Are you comfortable with a one-off situation?
• Do you practice safe-sex?

The above questions are not an exhaustive list of questions you can ask a potential third person but a sample of possible questions. Then the replies can serve the basis for more questions.

Probably after a few cycles of reply there will be a sense if this is someone that you want to pursue. If you are interested in pursuing them then the next step should be a phone call. Ideally a pay-as-you-go, sometimes called no contract, mobile / cellular phone works great. They can be quite cheap under £50 (UK) / $50 US. Plus the phone is disposable thereby protecting your home number and personal cellular / mobile from being called.

Again, be realistic about the call. The call is not meant to be erotic and most likely at least one of you will be nervous. Instead, the call is meant to make some contact with the other person and begin to form a relationship that could be used for a future threesome. Before making the call the couple should agree the content and purpose of the call. Is it to make contact and decide after a few more calls to have a threesome. Alternatively is it to arrange a meeting to see if there is compatibility? When making the call it will be a good idea if both members of the couple are present since the invited person will, most likely want, to confirm they have been corresponding with a couple. Since it is not a face-to-face meeting and there is a good chance that at least one is nervous or wanting to impress, the call is not a good judge of compatibility.

At some point if there is enough interest, all three will meet. Meeting should not be equated with the notion that the threesome will definitely occur. Instead it should be seen as an opportunity to meet the other person in order to determine if there is enough compatibility for a threesome to occur.

Ideally for a couple who are new to threesomes they should consider if the first meeting is a meet and greet. A meet and greet is where all three meet in a public area but no sex occurs during that meeting. This means the purpose of the meeting is a no-pressure situation whereby compatibility and interest ascertained before sex occurs. Thereby giving the couple a chance to discuss the idea and make the decision regarding having a threesome.

What is compatibility?

Compatibility means there is enough interest and physical attraction by all three for a threesome to occur. At a very high-level it means enough is known about the other person in order to allow a threesome to occur and it also means it is not a relationship situation where a lot of time is needed for a decision for a threesome to be reached. Some things to consider when considering if the person is compatible:

• Are you comfortable around them? Is your partner comfortable around them? If both of you are not comfortable around them then they are not compatible.
• Can you see yourself / your partner having sex with them? If they elicit feelings such as anger, depression, or jealousy then they are not a good choice
• Are their values in line with yours? If you feel they are not a part of your station / crowd in life then it might be a good idea to pass on them.
• How do they act towards you and your partner? If they show an interest in one then a good chance they are not compatible?
• Do you feel either your partner / spouse or you are carrying the conversation? Again probably not compatible?
• When they talk where is their eye contact and who are they including? If they are not making eye contact or not working to include both of you in the conversation then there is a good change they are not compatible?
• How relax do you and your partner feel around them? If both of you are relaxed and the conversation easily flows then a good chance they are compatible.

Conclusion

Finding the right person does not mean settling for the first person nor does it mean rejecting everyone because they do not meet a very high standard. Instead it means closely examining if they are compatible with you and examining your comfort level with them. Also it means taking a close look regarding your expectations for the planned threesome and trying to keep them as realistic as possible. By this it means the greater the chance the person that is chosen is the right person. Finally, in answer to the question, you know you have possibly found the right person when there is no pressure to meet and there are signs that they are compatible with the you.

Related articles

• Does introducing a thrid person positively or negatively impact a relationship? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Single woman seeking a threesome: risks and benefits (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Single woman seeking a threesome: risks and benefits (travellinginternationally.wordpress.com)
• How do you know if someone is interested? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• What does relationship mean in a threesome? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Jealousy and threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
• How I came to love group sex (dailycal.org)
• 3 to Bed, A girls guide to 3′s! (illustratederoticsexpositions.wordpress.com)
• First Threesome (dirtybirdyerotica.wordpress.com)

Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate

Why do we participate in MFM threesomes or not?

Introduction

The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.

Reasons for Participating

Solidifying the relationship

As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.

If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.

Exploration of boundaries

Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.

Need to feel desired / wanted

Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.

Curiosity / Something new

By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.

In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.

Bisexuality

The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.

Reasons for not wanting a threesome

Risk to the relationship

At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea

Personal experience / beliefs

This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.

does not want partner there

This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.

Fear of emotional attachment / jealousy

Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.

Conclusion

The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.

Related articles

• What does relationship mean in a threesome? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Single woman seeking a threesome: risks and benefits (3somes.wordpress.com)
• How do you know if someone is interested? (3somes.wordpress.com)
• Single woman seeking a threesome: risks and benefits (travellinginternationally.wordpress.com)
• My Power Over My Husband’s Small Penis (3somes.wordpress.com)
• 3 to Bed, A girls guide to 3′s! (illustratederoticsexpositions.wordpress.com)
• To Three-some or not to three-some (howtoat22.wordpress.com)

FAQs about boundaries

What is the purpose of having boundaries for a threesome?

Boundaries serve at least two purposes for having a threesome. The first purpose it defines the limit of the threesome. It provides assurances that the threesome will not go beyond the define limit thereby allowing trust to occur. Second purpose, by having boundaries it defines cheating. Second purpose it defines how the relationship will handle the threesome. An example is agreeing the decision to have a threesome is mutual and it will not be used against the other in any conflict that may develop.

What is cheating?

Cheating is when a boundary is intentionally or recklessly violated.

What boundaries should we have for our threesome?

Defining a set of universal boundaries for a threesome is nearly impossible since they are specific to the couple and the situation.

Is it better to approach a threesome with no boundaries?

In this author’s opinion, no it is not. Reason being, couples are not be able to expect every possible situation that may arise and by not setting boundaries, it is possible that the unexpected may happen leading to hurt feelings.  If a couple sets some general boundaries it will offer a “safety-net” that the threesome will not go beyond the agreed boundaries.

What makes a good boundary?

• Boundary must be clear
• Everyone must have the same understanding of the boundary
• Everyone should agree to it
• It should be specific
• It should be realistic
• Boundary should not contradict or compete with other boundaries
• There should not be too many boundaries

Do we need to communicate our boundaries to the invited third person?

The invited person must be made aware of your boundaries and should agree to follow them. This may mean some negotiation on boundaries occurs but for the most part they should stay intact.

If the third person does not agree to some boundaries should we disregard them?

As a couple you should decide which boundaries are essential to allow you to have a threesome and decide which boundaries are not essential. Boundaries that are essential should not be negotiated but those boundaries that are classed as non-essential can be negotiated.

Once we have our boundaries, are they permanent?

As you gain threesome experience it is prudent to periodically check boundaries to decide which ones need to be kept, which boundaries can be discarded, and which ones can be modified.

If we during a threesome we decide a boundary is not right should we discard it?

In this author’s opinion the boundary should stay and then review it after the threesome. It could be the “heat of the moment” is influencing your perception and if you impulsively change a boundary it may cause issues later.

Related articles

• Non-Shifting And Shifting Boundaries – What’s The Difference? (recoveryalongroute66.com)
• How Slutty Should She Go? (passionatechristianmarriage.wordpress.com)