Threesome variations by country


Threesome trends

 

Location of the United Arab Emirates

 

I am on who finds metrics, statistics of measurement, fascinating. One of the more fascinating trends I notice the vast majority of my readers come from the US with the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, and India making up the top five. The next five includes Italy, Netherlands / Holland, Germany, and South Africa. Last interesting group my top 20 countries for readers includes United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia.

 

Currently I live in the UK and in the past I have lived in the US. Based on my experience, I can understand the US interest. However I am baffled by the UK and India. Granted swingers clubs exist in the UK but I find threesome / swinging is not as popular. Instead I find long-term marriage or committed relationships are not as emphasized in the UK. In addition, I notice, there is a bit more interest in BDSM, dogging, and infidelity tends to be more prevalent. This leads me to question if many of my UK readers are US expats living in the UK. Since US expats, I believe, is the fifth largest immigrant group in the UK.

 

This brings me to readers in India and this totally “blows my mind.” I know many Indians in the UK and from a cultural perspective, none of them strike me as being remotely interested in the idea of pursuing a threesome.  At least for me, I have to question if in India the idea of threesome is equated with infidelity or if it is popular in an area of India?

 

The question I want to ask, does anyone:

 

  1. Why do you feel there are many readers from the US?
  2. Does anyone have an insight or experience with the threesome / group sex scene in the UK that might be able to shed some light on this? Is it primarily US expats or is there a genuine British interest in threesomes?
  3. Does anyone have any insight into India and why there is an interest in threesomes?
  4. Why is the topic of threesomes interest Saudis and U.A.E. U.A.E., at least my impression they are a bit more open to Western influence and do not try to restrict it as much as the Saudis. This could explain some of it but I am interested in reading what others think.

 

 

 

 

 

What makes a couple successful


Bee seeks flower for intimate relationship

 

What is necessary for a successful relationship and successful threesome?

 

One of the core ingredients, I believe, is necessary for a successful threesome is a solid relationship and this is a common thread throughout this site. Defining a solid relationship is not as easy since a lot depends on religious background, cultural, political background, and socio-economic status. This makes providing a unifying definition difficult and makes the definition dependent on couple that is asking.

 

Recently a Psychology Today article made an attempt in defining the term and I believe, it positively contributes to my ongoing discussion of what makes a relationship stable enough for a threesome. With that said, there are a three minor points that I do not agree.

 

Same Bedtime

 

The first one is going to bed at the same time. Whilst I understand the point being made, I feel it neglects other issues such as health problems or work schedule that may impact bedtimes. In my opinion, this is a minor ingredient for a successful relationship and not a major ingredient.

 

Common Interests

 

Second is sharing common interests. Without developing common interests a relationship, I believe, is destined to fail. However the article neglects to mention how much of a common interest a couple should share, what definition of common interest the author is using, and to what emotional level that interest should be shared. Without more discussion from the author I believe this interest is pointless.

 

10 points too superficial

 

Finally I believe, the 10 points raised are very closely related and do not dwell deep enough for the article to be meaningful. Nonetheless point four regarding forgiveness and point five focusing on what your partner does right, highlight the author is heading on the right direction for this article. I believe if the author was focusing on deeper points about relationships then this article would be much more meaningful.

 

Finally

 

I believe this article is a good guide on some of the more superficial aspects that a relationship needs to be successful and it provides limited insight into what a couple should be doing if they are considering a threesome.

 

 

 

Profile of swingers


I found this to be a very interesting article regarding swingers. It also contains stats and a link to another article. Overall I think it does a good job with the topic.

My question for those who follow me, do you agree agree with the statements in the article? Do you have different experiences?

EroticZeitgeist

I have already written a blog about the profile of swingers. But Dr. Edward Fernandez presented his latest research on the subject on the Annual Alternative Sexualities Conference in San Francisco September 2013 and I will give you the main points from his studies as well.

Swingers are people who live in an emotional monogamous relationship but who have consensual sex with other people than their partner. Facts on swingers:

musical_faces–          About 70% are between 25 and 55 years old. Women are a bit younger than the men.

–          Many women are either bisexual or bi-curious

–          85% are either married or cohabiting with a partner

–          Twice as many women (14%) as men (7%) report swinging on a weekly basis

–          Swingers have a higher average education level than the population in general

–          Swingers represents all walk of life both in term of job types and political…

View original post 265 more words

Perception and cheating


updatedHow do we define cheating?

An interesting article in the April 2013 Journal of Evolutionary Psychology concerning perception of cheating. They found the more intimate a behavior the more likely it is to be perceived as cheating.

The application of this article to threesomes is twofold. First it addresses the underlying behavior that leads to defining an activity as cheating. This can be important for a couple who is exploring the idea and working to understand how they define cheating. Second, it helps with the understanding if a boundary is violated, the type of behavior that may lead to the other feeling as though cheating has occurred.

Finally this article is an academic paper that may not be for everyone. However if you enjoy reading research into sexual practices then this may be something worth reading. To access the article you will need to click on the link and scroll to the bottom of the page then click on the .pdf link for the article.

Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?


Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?.

via Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?.

An excellent article for those who are interested threesomes in a long-term polyamorous relationship or learning more about it.

Does introducing a thrid person positively or negatively impact a relationship?


IMG_8702Threesome Impact on Relationships

Introduction

Imagine having a crystal ball with the ability to see into the future or having a software program that can accurately predict if a planned threesome will be successful. As humans wanting to know the outcome before it happens helps us make decisions and helps us decide if the risk is worth taking. However, having a threesome involves a lot of unknown factors and much depends on the choice of the third person. So how do you know if introducing a third person will positively or negatively impact a relationship? Until a crystal ball is developed or a software programs is written that can predict the impact of a third person on a relationship there is no way of knowing. Instead the best that can be done is understanding the dynamics involved.

The Couple – can they cope with change

The impact of introducing a third on a couple’s relationship depends a lot dynamics of the couple and how they react to change. Introducing a third person, even as a one-off situation, will forever change the couple and once a threesome occurs it cannot be undone. Therefore the question a couple must ask themselves, are they ready for the change?

What type of change will they face? It is not possible to know every permutation of a threesome situation and talk about every possible change. Instead the most likely changes will include how the relate to each other, how they react to the feelings they experience, and how they perceive the threesome experience. This means the impact of introducing a third person will depend on each of them as individuals, how they cope with having a threesome and collectively as a couple. It means the change to the relationship may not be good and the impact, short-term or long-term, maybe the relationship is adversely impacted. How the couple copes with adversity will determine if the relationship is able to make it through or not.

The Third Person – Is Compatibility is better than availability

If given a hypothetical choice between receiving $100 (£100) now or $1,000 (£1,000) six months from now, which would you choose? Would you go for the immediate reward or the delayed reward? The above question demonstrates how we, sometimes, make decisions. Sometimes we choose the immediate reward because of its availability instead of delaying of it for a bigger reward later. This type of decision making is readily seen when choosing a third person for a threesome. Sometimes the choice is made because of availability instead of compatibility.

So why is compatibility important? If the choice is made due to availability then it implies there was some form of compromise. There is nothing wrong with compromise provided the compromise does involve giving up core beliefs / boundaries about having a threesome. If core beliefs / boundaries are given up it can lead to feelings such as anger, resentment, and finding ways to sabotage the threesome. This can only lead to problems later in the relationship.

So, the solution is finding someone that is compatible. Compatibility in the context of a threesome does not necessarily mean someone that shares common interests and someone where a bond is shared. Instead it means someone where there is enough of an interest, commonality, and at least a physical attraction by each member of the threesome to allow the threesome to occur.

Does finding someone that is compatible means the threesome will be free from issues? Definitely no, but it does mean the chance an issue will arise is less since the selected person meets the needs of the couple.

The Unknown – Learning to anticipate possible outcomes

Planning a threesome means being able to understand the unknown, anything that is not expected that can have an impact, by planning for it. So how do you prepare for the unknown? There is no way to prepare for every eventuality but understanding some of the challenges that may be faced will help in the preparation. This could be issues like jealousy, anger, developing feelings, or safety. It could issues such as location, your partner’s weaknesses, or past issues. In essence, it is trying to visualize the threesome based on what is being planned along with understanding your history as a couple.

Conclusion

In answer to the question, will introducing a third person into the relationship have a positive or negative impact? The answer is simply it is not possible to know. The best that can be done is looking inside yourself, assessing the relationship, and assessing the third person selected, then asking do I believe a threesome will work? If you believe it will work then it is important to accept the decision, work towards making the threesome as enjoyable as possible and accept that the relationship will change. Should you, as a couple, be able to adapt to change and work through any adversity then it is reasonable in expecting that the threesome will have a positive impact on the relationship.

How do you know if someone is interested?


Deveria16Introduction

How do you know if someone is interested in a threesome? Has there ever been a time you thought someone might be a good choice for a threesome but did not know if you were reading their cue correctly?

The easiest way is to ask them but if you feel there is too much to risk then looking for clues might indicate their receptiveness. Looking for clues about their receptiveness to a threesome is not science and at best it will give you some indication. This means looking for cues will help in determining the probability they are interested and there is room for error, which means you may be wrong. So before asking someone if they are interested in having a threesome, weigh the risks and determine how much of a risk you are willing to take by asking them.

For the rest of the blog this author will discuss some areas to examine. Please note this is done at a very high-level in order to provide a very basic guide. At this point going into a very detailed discussion would involve writing this in multiple parts and defeating the purpose of the very simple guide.

Possible signs of interest

1) Is there flirting occurring?  Some people are very social and quite flirtatious, which means this is not a good indicator. However, if flirting is something is new then it could indicate there is openness to the idea.

2) Also, what is their eye-contact and body language like? Are they being receptive and making eye contact? If they are then it could be a sign they are interested, especially if there are other signs too.

3) How do you feel when they are around you, as a couple?  Do both of you feel comfortable with them? Is there an attraction at some level? Do either of you perceive them as a threat to your relationship? Is there something inside that say, “they are not a good choice,” or makes you feel uncomfortable? If so then you should consider those feelings as they may be an indicator they are not a good choice.

4) How does the potential third person act around the two of you? Do they show a strong preference for one of you? If they do then it could be sign of a potential problem. Do they communicate with the both of you? Meaning, do they show resentment if one of you says something to them or is only one of you able to speak to them? Again, if they are resisting anything that is asked then it could be a sign they are not a good choice for a threesome due to the fact they may not follow requested boundaries.

5) Are they shy, “soft-spoken”, or introverted? Person who is not social and confident may not always state their needs. In a threesome situation discussing needs and feelings is important to avoid injury. Without being comfortable enough to discuss them then there is potential for issues later.

6) How well do you know them? Have you spoken about different sexual practices? Has a discussion about relationships, cheating, and sex occurred? In this author’s opinion you do not need to know everything about their life but knowing about their attitudes can help. In additional, if you know them well then your relationship with them may make being objective difficult.

7) If they have mentioned they have an interest in a threesome, what type of threesome situation do they want and how does it compare to what you want? The greater the difference the more likely it may be a situation that does not work.

8) What is their relationship status? A married individual or someone in a relationship carries a lot of risk. If you select someone who is either married or in a relationship be prepared for issues that come up with them and be prepared to assume the risk their partner may find out. Should you find yourself in a situation where they claim their partner knows then speak face-to-face with their partner before agreeing to anything.

9) What is their tone of voice? Is it warm and friendly? A warm friendly and relaxed tone could indicate they are relaxed with you thereby indicating a possible interest.

10) What is their occupation and education? This is at best a very broad indicator regarding their ability to be detached and their free time. Educated people, very generally speaking, tend to understand choices and can be better at communicating their needs. It can mean, an educated person, is easier to speak with thereby making the decision easier. It can also serve as a very broad indicator for their reason for wanting a threesome (e.g. a business person who travels a lot or senior manager may not have time for a relationship).

11) Have any of you been drinking or doing drugs? Drinking, drugs, and threesomes do not mix. Discussing a threesome when drinking or doing drugs, including cannabis, is a very good sign that the discussion should occur when all of you are sober.

12) Is there indication of issues? If there signs of issues such as:

  • Marital issues
  • Recent death of a close member of the family or friend
  • Major surgery
  • Recent move
  • Any other major life events

these could be signs the interest is more due to the stress of recent events then a true interest in have a threesome.

Finally

Knowing if someone is interested in having a threesome is more of an art than a science. It involves looking for cues and then using those cues to determine if the person might be receptive to the idea of having a threesome. Looking for cues is risky since overlooking cues that indicate that they are not interested is possible. Therefore before asking anyone about joining a threesome, ask yourself what is the risk of asking them and are you prepared to take the risk?

The Dilemmas of Extramarital Sex


A good and thought provoking blog. Hopefully some of my readers will reply to the questions.

Identifying potential time waster replies and fake profiles


Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril: two men and a...

Time waster real or imaginary?

Imagine for a moment, you have joined a web-site looking for a potential third person to join you for a threesome and now the replies are flowing. How do you identify fake replies or replies form time-wasters?

In response to a request from a follower, I have decided to write about reviewing profiles and replies in determining if they are a potential time-waster. Also I will discuss some of the topics that tend to come up such as sending photos and identifying married men claiming to be single.

I struggled a bit writing this with this since by writing this, I would be alerting potential time-wasters that some of their tricks are known and it might make it more difficult to spot them. Nonetheless, I felt educating my followers was more important and I will give a few pointers. Even though I am giving a few pointers, it does not mean it will identify all time-wasters and it may potentially identify legitimate replies as being time-wasters. Therefore it is imperative anyone reading this uses it as a guide and use their own experience for identifying time-wasters.

Hallmarks in Profile / Ad:

  • Elusive or very vague Ad / Profile
  • Short ad / profile lacking any details
  • Poor grammar and / or spelling
  • Arrogant, narcissistic, and / or inflated sense of self
  • Incorrect or overuse of lifestyle terminology.
  • Ad uses lifestyle terminology makes the ad awkward.
  • Attempts to make themselves look legitimate
  • Lack of warmth, friendliness, and the ad is not very inviting.
  • Ad / Profile style, content, information, or tone seems similar to another / other profiles on the site

Hallmarks in Replies

Usually there are a few hallmarks, signs, in the reply that may alert you that you may have received a reply from a potential time-waster, these signs include:

  • A rush to meet – (e.g. I do not waste my time with emails, when are we meeting?)
  • Push for photos (e.g. How do I know you are legitimate without a photo?)
  • Game playing / manipulation (e.g. delaying meeting, showing aggressiveness in replies, etc)
  • Name calling or stating you are not a legitimate couple (You are not a legitimate couple wanting a threesome, if you are then we would have met.)
  • Focus on one member of the couple and not seeing you as a couple (I love to eat pussy and can please the ladies)
  • Belief that there is a problem in the relationship and seeing themselves as the solution (You would not be looking for a threesome if your husband could please you in bed)
  • Profile and replies not in sync. This is typical for married men who claim to be single. For example their profile may state they are single and free to meet any-time. However when you suggest a meet, for example on a weekend evening, their reply states they cannot meet on the weekend due to the kids.

The main thing to remember is the decision to have a threesome resides with you. It cannot happen without your consent and it needs to happen at a speed that you are comfortable with. If you are getting pushed to meet before you are ready or being pushed for photos to prove you are legitimate then the person is not right for you.

Identifying Married Men who claim to be Single

There are some out there who believe having a threesome with a married man whose wife does not know is acceptable. However, from my perspective I believe it open the threesome up to a lot of drama and married men should be avoided. Below are some potential hallmarks of a reply from a married man:

  • Changes meeting time or day at last moment
  • States he cannot meet at a time when previously states he was available
  • Elusive about being married and may use terms liking dating or in a long-term relationship to avoid answering the question directly. May attempts o skirt the issue or minimize the fact he is married (e.g. “I am in a loveless marriage that has been over for years and we are staying together for the kids.”)
  • May state wife is agreeable to him having a threesome without her. If he states wife is agreeable to him being a threesome then ask to speak to the wife and actually speak to her since. If they are in an open relationship then the wife should have no issues speaking to you.

Sending Photos

With technology to alter photos and to copy photos from the Internet, I do not believe sending a photo in the beginning proves legitimacy. All it proves, I believe, is you are able to send a photo via email and it does not prove you are a couple. The issue I have with sending photos is it proves nothing while at the same time it potentially opens you up for your photo being shared on the Internet. This means if you send an R rated or X rated photo then be prepared that you may find it being shared on different web sites since once you send the photo you no longer have any control over it. If you have a job that is public facing or friends / family that are sensitive then be careful about what you send. Ideally, this author feels, if photos are going to be exchanged then they should only be exchanged after you have spoken with them and both of you send photos as I way to identify each other when you meet in public.

Posting photos in your profile / ad

In regards to using a photo in your profile / ad, as an author, I have a different view. I do not believe it is necessary. However, I do feel, people do relate to photos and it may help with receiving more replies. Also, I feel, it might help in limiting replies from time-wasters. However, any photo should not show other people and definitely should not include any children. The type of photo to include can be:

  • A photo of you shot at a distance, in order not to show detailed facial features if you are concerned about privacy and be prepared that someone might know it is you. A good example is vacation / holiday photo.
  • Partially naked or naked photo shot below the head. This is good for privacy concerns.
  • Partially naked or naked photo showing head if privacy or people you know finding out is not an issue
  • If you are a couple then a photo of you as a couple. Again shot from the distance if you are concerned about privacy and be prepared that someone might know it is you. A good example is vacation / holiday photo.

How long should corresponding take?

There is no set time limit to number of replies to corresponding before meeting. A person that is truly interested in meeting and having a threesome with you will give you the necessary time before you are ready. This means there should be no pressure tactics or manipulation being used to get you to agree meet in person before you are ready and have taken the necessary steps to plan for your safety.

Can I end the correspondence without seeming like a time-waster?

Just because you send an email asking for further information and to explore the potential of meeting for a threesome does not mean you have to meet. You or the other can end corresponding before meeting. The reason for ending the correspondence can be varied from not having enough interest / attraction to a change in mind about having a threesome.

If proper etiquette is followed then an explanation for ending the correspondence is not needed but if you are asked keep it simple, “I / we are pursuing other interests at the moment and thank you for your interest.” This should be sufficient and if you are pressed for a more detailed explanation then state you will not provide a further explanation.

Realities and Myths – Personal Biases

This section is meant to draw a contrast with the above sections to highlight time-waster is perceptual. When we begin this journey of reviewing and replying ads there is a tendency of being everything to everybody. After doing it a few times and realizing it is not possible since everyone has their own preference. Furthermore, you will learn that your profile appeases a certain segment of the site and as couple you are drawn to certain types of profiles. The challenge lies in finding a way for both of them to be in sync. If not it raises some fundamental questions surrounding expectations, the type of person that is interested, and approach being used. By developing an awareness and accepting that not everyone is going to be drawn to you, it is possible to eliminate those who are compatible rather then perceiving them as time wasters.

Comments

If you have any comments or insights about spotting time-wasters please feel free to share them.