On our metaphoric journey we have finished descending down from the mountains and can begin to see our final destination just in front of the horizon. Purpose of the meet and greet for a couple is it gives them a chance to meet the third person they have been communicating with and make decisions about their next steps. This section will talk in more detail about arranging a meet and greet along with some of the issues that may be encountered. Finally this is meant as an overview in order to give a couple an ideas what is involved with a meet and greet and this chapter not meant to be a treatise on the topic.
Meet & Greet – Two forms defined
Meet & Greets have two different usages when it comes to threesomes and group sex. First definition refers to a meet & greet discussed whereby a couple meets a third person in order to discover if enough of an attraction exists for a threesome. Normally this is done by couples starting out in order to give them a bit more control over the situation and to ensure that the decision they are making is the right decision for them. For the purpose of this article when discussing meet & greet it will refer to this definition.
Second use of the term refers to an off-premise event, where sex does not occur at the venue and it purpose is meant to be a no pressure event regarding sex. It is meant for people who share a similar interest to come together to meet and discuss. Such a forum provides a chance to make contacts and serves as another way to meet people interested in having threesomes.
Issues for Couples
At this stage the idea of having a threesome has for the most part moved from fantasy to becoming more real. For the couple it means taking the first solid step towards having it and it may mean some insecurity is encountered. If the couple has not had “the talk,” yet, then it should occur before meeting the invited third person. “The talk,” involves acknowledging that planning to have a threesome is a mutual decision with the right to change their mind at any time without repercussion and not to hold it against the other should it goes forward. Also it involves talking about the planned threesome, how they expect to feel about it, especially if they are going to be the one watching their partner having sex with someone else and talking about any issues that may have arisen. Finally it is meant to go through the boundaries to make sure they are workable, use the time to talk about any issues, and to agree to talk after the threesome happens in order to address any unresolved feelings.
Ideally before arranging a meet and greet some conversations should have already occurred between the three of them. The conversations should have, at a minimum, covered a summary of boundaries and expectations. Based on conversations that have already taken place there should be a general consensus that there is an interest in having a threesome and at some level an attraction among all three exists.
Meeting place should be a public area and preferably not a bar or club. Instead place should allow conversations to happen and be somewhere that encourages all three to be social. Typical places would include restaurant, a theatrical production, a movie, or other public events. Should there be some physical distance between the couple and the third person then maybe meeting half-way or some other compromise maybe needed. It should go without saying that considering the risk and safety need to be factored in deciding where to meet.
Third before meeting it should be clear to everyone what the evening will entail and if sex might occur. Ideally for a couple that is still new then it would be best to wait until the second meeting before allowing the threesome to happen. It does not mean that flirting, incidental contact, or limited touching cannot occur. In some ways it gives each person a chance to gage their reaction before things become more intimately involved and it gives the couple one more chance to work through any outstanding feelings. By doing it this way means setting boundaries and expectations then sticking to them thereby helping the couple to prepare for the eventual threesome.
Fourth the couple should not be shocked if their invited third person does not show up. “No shows” can be common and it comes with the territory. Ideally you should give the third person some time past the stated time in the event they were delayed by traffic, work, or did not leave as expected. Ideally this author would recommend giving the third person if they are not on time an addition 15 – 30 minutes. Should the invited third not show up without giving proper notice then it is best not to waste your time on them and find someone else. It is important to remember that having a threesome and having a relationship analogous to dating are two separate things. A goal of this type of threesome is to avoid forming feelings or an attachment to the third person. By becoming fixated on one person as the ideal choice for the threesome increases the chance that feelings will develop and it is best to move on rather then risking that.
Fifth point, at this stage you are not looking for “coffee moments,” whereby a deep long lasting friendship is developed before the threesome happens. By the time you arrange a meet & greet as a couple you should be about 80% – 95% certain that you would like to have a threesome with the person that you are meeting. At this stage if it is going to happen then the transition to the threesome happening is quite fast, no more than 2 – 3 face to face meetings. If it takes longer than about 3 meets without something happening then the couple needs to examine the reason.
Finally meeting a third person and having a threesome are not the same. It could be that when you communicate that an attraction exists but when you meet the attraction seems to fizzle. This may mean you have made a new friend, if you choose, but it also means you need to begin your search again.
Reality is there is no right way to meet the person. Dress for the meeting is dictated by where you will be meeting and to a lesser extent the expected threesome. Normally this means for males dressing smart, female(s) can dress sexy as long as it is appropriate for where they are going to be, being properly groomed, and following proper hygiene are essential too.
Some couples may have the person who is the same gender (e.g male half of the couple meet the invited male or if mff having the female half of the couple meet the invited woman) meet alone with the third person to screen them and then to introduce them to their partner. Screening at this point is to make sure that with who you are meeting is the same person that you have been talking with, to see if an attraction exists, and to ensure that the third person is still in agreement with the planned boundaries.
Purpose of the meeting is twofold. One as already stated to give a chance for the couple to think through if they want to go through with the planned threesome using this person. Second is to develop a “working relationship” with the third person whereby a level of comfort is established and the necessary communication is also established. By developing this type of relationship the hope is that the threesome once it does happen will go smoothly because some of the foundation has already been laid.
During the meeting, especially at the start, the conversation should be social and follow the normal social rules. This means the invited third person should treat the couple as a couple and be respectful towards their relationship. Just because the purpose of the meeting is to determine if a threesome is possible, it means the invited third person is to take their cues from the couple regarding behaviour especially when it comes to flirting and any touching.
At some point the conversation will begin to turn to sex and the threesome if an attraction exists. It is important that the couple steers the conversation, not let it go beyond what they are comfortable with, and reinforce their boundaries. Should there be indications that things are progressing towards a threesome then the couple needs to begin the conversation regarding boundaries and expectation along with giving the invited third person a chance to discuss their needs too.
Finally if the couple stated that sex was not going to occur during the first meeting then the couple needs to let the invited third person know how and when they would get back to them about their decision. The third person should not pressure them to rush their decision and whatever their decision they need to respect it.
This section basically introduced the idea of the meet & greet and how it functioned. It has not covered all issues involved because it is not a treaties on the subject and its purpose was to give couples an introduction into how to have a meet & greet. Any meeting of a potential third person needs to consider risk, safety, and the impact on the couple’s relationship which means no threesome is free of risk.
- Frequently Asked questions about choosing a third person for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Where do negative feelings after a threesome come from & how to address them (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Perils of using a friend or co-worker for a threesome (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Problems with quid pro quo as a negotiating position for threesomes (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Threesome myths (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Having the initial discussion (3somes.wordpress.com)
- Writing an ad – Advice for single males (3somes.wordpress.com)
- How not to offend the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
- FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)