How to plan and manage a threesome using a check list

Using the check-list

Below is a generic checklist meant to guide couples in planning their first threesome. It is not meant to be a comprehensive checking list covering every possible outcome. Instead it recognizes that every threesome takes its own journey and happens at its own speed. Thereby some steps may occur together or not at all. The overall purpose of the list is meant is serving as a reminder of activities that need to occur and there is no guarantee by following the list it will produce an uneventful threesome.

Finally, there are four parts to the checklist: pre-searching, searching, threesome, and post threesome. Pre-searching regards activities prior to searching for the third person. Searching regards activities during the searching phase. Threesome regards activities when narrowing the list and making the decision to invite through the planning the threesome. Finally the post threesome regards activities to work through any issues that may occur.

Pre-search

1. Initial discussion
2. Begin understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome
3. Discussion regarding expectations, potential issues, and risks
4. Discussion what it will be like watching / having sex in front of your partner
5. Discussion regarding boundaries
6. Discussion regarding issues such as dealing with jealousy
7. Defining cheating
8. What activities are explicitly off-limits
9. Safety – personal & sexual
10. What needs to be communicated and to what extent
11. Privacy – how much information to reveal and how will information be protected
12. Where to have the threesome
13. Who to invite / type of person
14. When to have the threesome
15. Division of Labor – Who is responsible for example: posting ads, reviewing replies, arranging meeting etc.
16. How the search will occur
17. Determining the criteria for scaling back the interested males / females
18. Role play / simulating the threesome

Searching

1. Writing the ad for web sites
2. How do you, as a couple, identify time wasters
3. Speaking with a potential third person
4. Does an interest exist?
5. If agreement is to ask a friend / co-worker then arrange to speak with them
6. Sort through replies, identify those of interest, and politely respond back with ‘sorry but not interested’
7. Agree you have found a potential third person
8. Arrange an initial meeting with the third person

Threesome

1. Review boundaries and ensure the two of you have the same understanding.
2. Communicate boundaries to third person
3. Make final arrangements for the threesome including a signal / word that indicates it should not happen.
4. Manage feelings
5. Enjoy

Post-Threesome

1. Face the realities of the decision
2. Debrief
3. Work through any issues before having another threesome

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

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How to convince her to have a threesome

During foreplay she talks about wanting another cock insider and how great it would be if she could feel something different. Throughout subsequent “love-making” the fantasy becomes more realistic causing her to climax in ways previously unseen. The images from earlier “love-making” sessions replay leaving the question, “if she gets that horny and climaxes that hard when just talking about the idea then making it happen will be even better.”

Over a period of weeks internet sites are visited looking for the right connection for her and make the threesome a reality. Replies start arriving with some that are totally unacceptable raising the question, “how could someone not appreciate a glorious opportunity that is being presented.” Other replies strike fear that she might prefer him and slowly the ideal situation begins sliding away.

As the ideal situation begins collapsing like a ‘house of cards,’ because there is a realization of her reaction may not be positive. Since nothing has been discussed with her. Instead of discussing the idea, the discussion is replaced with a magical belief that she will accept idea, if the threesome is planned right and by using magical powers of persuasion, similar to the persuasion used on television juries in old crime dramas, she will agree to have a threesome.

So how do you convince her to have a threesome? Simple answer you cannot. Why? We are all human beings with the ability of free will and the ability to make choices for ourselves. Deciding to participate in a threesome involves going against teachings regarding monogamy, relationships, and personal beliefs. It means redefining our view of relationships and the person we love.

In my situation before we had our threesomes we agreed it was a mutual decision and neither of us could use the decision against the other. Also we stated that we would view each other in the best possible light instead of considering the negative about each other. Having these agreements with my wife made it easier for the big transformation that was about to occur. It is difficult to put into words the transformation that occurs, when having a threesome,

Another barrier in convincing her involves understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome and the reality of having a threesome. When we role play the idea we have complete control but in a real threesome, lies with two other individuals who may have different agendas and different objectives. When you peel back all of the layers of a threesome, the core is trust. Having a threesome means accepting the outcome is not in your control and trusting the other participants enough that it will be a positive experience for everyone. For me, this was the scariest because I trusted my wife but I did not know what the outcome.

Final barrier in convincing her revolves around the idea of communication. Communication means talking about your wishes, desires, and fears with your spouse. It means feeling comfortable enough with each other that any subject can be discussed. This means by communicating the need to plan a surprise threesome decrease and the need to convince her decreases too. It means there is no secret formula and no secret technique to convince her to have a threesome.

In conclusion and in answer to the question, as I look back to our relationship over the years, the one thing I have learned communication and the ability to work together solves the issues. For those who are looking for an accelerated route to a threesome unfortunately there are no easy fixes or shortcuts. Communicating, understanding what a threesome involves, and a commitment to each other is the only true way to a threesome. My advice love her for who she is and not what she can give. If you can do that then whatever route is taken will be the right one.

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A Look at Threesomes From the Ladies Perspective

While reading articles on Word Press today, I came across this hidden gem. It is very well written on threesomes. The only minor drawback, I believe, this article tries to cover too many uniquely separate topics in one article that shifts the article from ‘Looking at Threesomes from [a] Ladies Perspective’ to a general article about why people choose threesomes that includes basic advice on finding someone for a threesome.

In my honest opinion, this article would be better if the author covers each topic as a separate piece covering each topic in more detail. I believe this would be more beneficial to the reader and kept the subject on topic. Even though the author in my opinion, may have drifted off topic, it is still an excellent article that highlights the talent on Word Press. It is a great article that is well worth 5 minutes of your time to read.

A Look at Threesomes From the Ladies Perspective.

via A Look at Threesomes From the Ladies Perspective.

10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 3 June 2014

 

Intro

This week is unique. So far my weekly list has included a mixture of authors who publish regularly, multiple articles from the same author, and articles from newly discovered authors. Also each week had a dominating theme such as polyamory or cuckolding.  This week we see Polysingleish return and Boy.Lu5t; however the remaining eight are new authors.  As for themes I do not believe there is a strong prevalent theme this week and if I were to choose a theme for the week it would be communication.

Overview

Lessons of Loneliness an extremely well-written article from a personal perspective. In this article the author faces a five week break from the poly lifestyle while visiting family. She discovers that loneliness can be a powerful teacher  and discovers that loneliness is perceptual that is defined by something we miss in our life.

*Tap Tap* Is This Thing On? After about a month break Filled and Fooled announces her return. We look forward to reading more from you and welcome back.

Couples Preferences – Dinner Conversation and Sex a relatively unique article that examine a personal experience of discussing the idea of having a threesome at a dinner party.

1) Lessons of Loneliness by Polysingleish

2) *tap tap* is this thing on? by Filled and Fooled

3) Keeping Marriage Alive with Affairs, Asexuality, Polyamory and Living Apart as posted by Boy.Lu5t

4) Nope, Definitely Not a Lesbian by Pull It Together Karen

5) Couples Preferences – Dinner Conversation and Sex by Chef EdieM

6) Threesome by bedroomtobedroom

7) Sex Confession The Threesome John, Becky, Rocco by Altanticcitystripperssextalk

8) Refuse My Threesome Invitation and I Will Stab You in the Eye by The Dirty Turban

9) Rough Gets Rougher by Nighttime Adventure

10) More on Cheating by Free Love Academic

 

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

Week of 19 May 2014

Week of 26 May 2014

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

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How to separate love from sex

Seven Steps to Minimize the Chance Feelings Will Develop for the Third Person

Intro

The backbone of every successful threesome is the ability putting aside feelings for the third person in order to have an enjoyable threesome. It would be remiss of me ignoring that sex is a very intimate act whereby a bond is created with those is participate and putting aside all feelings is necessary. Instead putting aside feelings mean keeping enough of an emotional distance from the invited third person that allows the marital relationship or committed relationship to continue while still being able to have a threesome.

Putting aside feelings sounds easy; however, many of buy the relationship warranty that sex must equal love or at least, sex can only occur with someone we share an emotional bond. By buying a relationship warranty means we are buying the idea that sex is about caring and that for sex to occur we first must build a relationship with them. While buying the relationship warranty is necessary for marriage or a long-term relationship, buying the relationship warranty for a full threesome can produce catastrophic results.

So, how can you have a threesome and keep feelings out of it? Below, I will give you seven points that can help you avoid buying the relationship warranty for having a threesome.

1) Limit the amount of contact with the third person

The more time all three of you spend together the more likely feelings will develop. This is a result of proximity or simply put, a result of having repeated contact with the same person.

In order to limit the chance feelings develop due to amount of time spent together, it is ideal trying to make a decision about having a threesome based on attraction instead of attempting to develop a relationship with the third person.

Also limiting the number of threesomes, such as one-off, can help reduce this risk too.

2) Limit Rewarding Behavior

Having a full threesome is more about having sex then forming an emotional attachment with the third person. This means the information being shared should be information that is necessary for a threesome to occur and not be information that allows the development of feelings.

Also, this includes limiting any rewarding behavior that encourages development of feelings. Rewarding behavior can be anything from looks, statements, or behavior that encourages the formation of feelings. Limiting rewarding behavior may sound as though the threesome is quite academic, sterile and void of any enjoyment. Instead limiting reward behavior mean finding a balance between letting the third person know you enjoy their company and creating a situation whereby ‘crossing the line’ happens the threesome becomes something more.

3) Having a History Together

Having a history together is vital. The longer a couple has been together, understand each other, and choose having a threesome as an extension of their relationship then the less likely they are developing feelings for someone else. Also having a relationship history is vital in understanding your partner, communicating with them and being able to work with them through any tough time.

4) Avoid Having a Threesome During a Period of Major Stress Relationship Stress

Stress and poor decision making are synonymous but deciding a threesome is a good choice during a major life change may be the decision that topples the relationship. Likewise avoid having a threesome during a time when the relationship is under stress since the may lead to the wrong decision being made.

5) Choose Your Third Person Carefully

Choosing the third person is vital for a successful threesome. Ideally the third person should temporarily fit into the relationship. Fitting into the relationship means:

• Each person, as a couple, agrees to them
• There is either a physical or intellectual attraction to the third person
• The third person does not leave one member of the couple feeling excluded, jealous, or angry
• They were not chosen because they can provide something that is missing in the relationship
• The third person respect the boundaries
• The third person respect the couple’s relationship, is not disruptive, and is not demanding.
• The third person understand their role in the threesome and does not try to dominate

6) Communicating  Debriefing

It goes without saying communicating and debriefing are essential to keep a relationship healthy, including minimizing the chance feelings can develop for the third person. Without communication and discussing feelings it is likely a having a threesome will devastate a relationship.

7) It Starts with You

The type of threesome you want lies with you. This means the decision

• What happens in the threesome
• Boundaries
• Regarding the third person
• How you perceive perceive the threesome
• How you perceive the third person
• How you react to the threesome
• How you react to the third person
• How you react to your spouse / ‘significant other’
• Your feelings before the threesome, during the threesome, and after the threesome

are all within your control.

Finally

Nothing in life is easy, especially having a threesome. However having an enjoyable threesome that is not disruptive to the relationship is possible but it will require work. Taking time discussing the threesome, potential choices, and its possible impact will go a long way in reducing the chance feeling for the third person will develop. Also, take time to plan it and choosing when to have it will also help. Finally all of the reading on the topic will not guarantee feeling for the third person will not develop and the responsibility for ensuring it will not happen lies solely with the couple.

The Zen of making a threesome liberating

Imagine for a moment, an opportunity whereby you can do something sinfully forbidden, do it with no strings attached, and have sex with someone else with your partner present? How about an experience that involves some risk but might improve your relationship by bringing the two of you closer?  Experiencing such a decadent experience requires the ability to want something more for your relationship, the courage to take a calculated risk, and the willingness to ignore what society teaches about relationships. So how can a couple, completely enjoy a something that is sinfully forbidden and not feel guilty later?

The answer is understanding the power a threesome can hold. To begin with, lately, I have been writing about how a threesome can be liberating without providing much of an explanation. Liberating in this sense means being able to break free of the expectations society holds for a couple and not feeling guilty about it. Also, liberating means to power to feel closer to your spouse by seeking experiences that can bring your closer regardless of our previous teachings about relationships.

For her it means being an equal. Being an equal means ignoring the message about monogamy, what a good wife does, and being able to put aside her feelings for her husband in order to put her feelings first. Having a threesome can mean she is a true equal by being able to sleep with someone she chooses without feeling the guilt that society teaches from a very young age and she is able to it within the confines of a loving relationship.

If threesome is done right then the sexual fulfillment she feels is the result of her relationship with her husband and their dynamics that told her it was okay to feel sexual fulfillment from having a threesome.

For him it confirmation that his partner is sexually desirable and for some men, it can be fulfilling a basic need he has something that others want. By confirming this basic need, it can reinforce the need to keep her happy or risk losing her.

Another liberating aspect for him is making her happy. Through providing another sexual partner for his wife / girlfriend that pleases her, he increases her happiness thereby making him happy. His happiness, in this situation, derives from making his wife / girlfriend happy.

The liberating experience of a threesome can be said to be an experience that increases happiness and commitment to each other by putting aside the requirement that a couple remains monogamous, physically and emotionally, to each other. A couple that is willing to take a calculated risk by experiencing a threesome may find that payment on their investment pays off by bringing them closer.

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The Power of Three(somes)

When considering the idea of having a threesome we want an ironclad guarantee that it will be successful, enjoyable, and our relationship will remain intact. Many of us look at a threesome like buying a new car with a try before you buy or money back guarantee. Some may look at having a threesome like calling a psychic hotline, seeing the future and knowing the outcome. Without some type of guarantee or without knowing the results of the threesome it makes many of reluctant to try it.

Dancetinyfox offers something worth considering and something I have been recently discussing too, liberation. The idea of having a threesome because it offers an opportunity to experience a unique form of happiness. The opportunity to selflessly share your spouse with someone else then bask in the happiness that it may bring through a loving and supporting relationship.

This article, for some, can offer a route to relationship happiness and fulfillment.

 

The Power of Three(somes).

via The Power of Three(somes).

7 steps of easing her into swinging or cuckolding

How can I convince her?

The Fantasy

What is attractive about the idea of her being with someone else? Is it being able to share her with someone else and watching her enjoy herself? Maybe it is having too small of penis to properly please her and having someone that is larger do something you are not able to do? Finally it might be the freedom of giving her a variety of lovers that fulfills her in different ways and ultimately improves your relationship with her. Regardless of the reason moving from fantasy to reality is never easy.

Step 1: Begins with you

Before bringing up the idea of cuckolding or having a threesome it is important to think through the idea and consider the consequences and the possible outcomes from the experience. Without thinking about it, discussing the idea will be difficult because you will not understand what you want from the experience.

Think for a moment what type of experience do you want?

• Do you want to share her with someone else while you watch?
• Do you want someone to join you but not participate?
• Would you like to have sex with someone else while you are not present?
• Maybe you want to be there and participate?
• Maybe you want the threesome to be long-term and involve opening up the relationship?

Also think about the limits and boundaries you need to feel comfortable. For some just starting out there is a feeling having no boundaries is the best route since it allows for total exploration and I disagree with that approach. Each of us has limits that allows us to feel secure and without some basic boundaries, it opens the possibility of feelings being hurt.

Finally take a close look at your relationship and what a threesome will mean. Think about things such as:

• Can you cope with seeing her being pleasured by someone else?
• Can you cope with knowing she has been with someone else?
• What feelings does envisioning her with someone else elicit?
• What impact will it have on the relationship?
• What are the possible outcomes from having a threesome or a cuckold?
• If you are looking at something long-term, how will the relationship handle the various feelings that may arise?

Step 2: Introducing the idea in the bedroom

Talking about sharing your girlfriend or wife with someone else is never easy and it can elicit strong feelings. Sometimes it is better to start the discussion while it it abstract and done in a non-threatening way. Since you have thought about the idea and hopefully done some research, introducing the idea as a part of foreplay should be easy. Speaking from experience the role play does not have to elaborate. In my opinion, it is best to start slow and maybe ask her about her fantasies. Many women will stay they do not have one and I find this true. If she state she does not have fantasy then share your fantasy with her. Then slowly, in a calculated way, build on to the fantasy. If she begins showing an interest in the fantasy, it is important to remember there is a difference between the fantasy and reality.

Step 3: Securing the relationship

Preparing for a threesome or a cuckold will mean ensuring the relationship is strong enough to withstand the challenges it can bring. This means making a change to the relationship along with how you relate to her. A lot will depend on making her feel secure in the relationship and eliminating potential conflict that an experience such as cuckolding can bring.

Step 4: The Discussion

I found a good YouTube video on the topic and it might be worth watching.

By introducing the fantasy the discussion may happen organically but if it does not then, I believe after allowing the fantasy to develop, as a part of foreplay, being direct  is the best route. Reason, why I believe being direct is the best route. At this point she suspect you may want the fantasy and being subtle about it will only make her suspicious.  The discussion need to occur outside of the bedroom and when there is minimal distraction. It does not need to be long but it needs to be from the ‘heart.’ Also it needs to be done in a way that is reassuring and does not make her feel threatened. Be prepared for her being upset and be prepared that it will be a journey. Finally be prepared to negotiate and compromise.

Step 5: After the discussion

It is important that you are emotionally available to answer any questions that she may have and not to damage the discussion by negatively reacting to any outburst she may have from the discussion. It is important to recognize that this part may take months or even years before it resolves itself. Also it is important no to pressure her and give her ample time to process the information. It is possible you may get close to the threesome or cuckold then find her changing her mind. Allow it to happen and be supportive. Most likely it is a sign she is struggling with it and trying to work through it.

Step 6: Seek out opportunities

By now the fantasy is moving to a possibility. Seeking opportunities involves gauging where your spouse / girlfriend is at with the idea. If the appear hesitant but open to the idea then easing them into it might help Easing them is offering opportunities to do things that might help progress the idea without seeming threatening to them such as:

• flirting with another man  / woman
• wearing no panties under her skirt
• going to a strip club  or lap dancing club together
• watching threesome or cuckolding porn together
• attend a swingers club to watch
• giving a ‘hall pass’ or permission

Step 7: Resolution

At this point it either will happen or not. There is no way to convince someone to have a threesome or cuckold. The best that can be done is provide the opportunity and a supporting environment for it to happen. Then result will depend on our ability to community, negotiate, and to love her for who she is not what she can give to us.

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I Used To Be A Unicorn

Another great article from theshitshowthatismylife. She candidly speaks about unicorns, the difficulty finding one for a threesome, and how finding a bisexual woman does not necessary mean she is interested in a heterosexual couple. This is a great article for any couple searching for a second woman for their threesome.

I Used To Be A Unicorn.

via I Used To Be A Unicorn.

Cuckolding Survey

Interested in Cuckolding? You are not alone.

I came across this survey, see below link, a few weeks ago and placed it on my forum site. After having some more time available I thought I would place it here from my followers to read and comment. The survey examines those interested in cuckolding but who have not had the experience. At least for me, I found it informative and supporting other surveys that I have read. At least for me, I believe it is worth the time reading. Hopefully you will take the time to read it and share what you think.

Fantasy-Cuckold-Survey