Why you can never go back


IMG_8531

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
  • Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
  • Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
  • Feelings toward your spouse
  • How each of you relate to the other
  • You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
  • Feelings develop for the third person
  • They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
  • Other changes including though not limited to:
    • Increase in sex drive
    • Decrease in sex drive
    • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Why Couples Choose Cuckolding

Easing into wife sharing

25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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First time? 10 things I should I expect


threesome experienceFirst time drawing near?

Having your first threesome is a lot like riding a bike for the first time without training wheels or your first kiss. It is is a lasting experience that will create a lasting impression. So, the question that is probably lurking, what should I expect from my first threesome?

Unlike twenty years ago or even a few years ago having a threesome is more accepted. However a lot of unbiased information does not exist. Too often talk shows, news, and even friends present a myopic image of the experience. There are a lot of reasons as to why this occurs, such as money, a point to be made, or to attract viewers. Whatever the reason, the experience gets missed in favor of glamorizing it.

1) Reality of having a threesome or cuckold is not like porn, television, or the movies.

Having a threesome experience or cuckold experience involves real people and real feelings with real consequences. Once you begin the process of exploring the idea your relationship will forever change. Expect to feel a variety of emotions, thoughts and feelings over a period of time. It is easy to react to them but do not. Allow a significant amount of time to pass and talk about your feelings before making any decision that may have long reaching consequences. Remember this reality and there is no magical way to reverse time to a point before having the experience.

2) Performance anxiety happens

Expectations can be built up  leading to stress that can lead to performance related issues. Performance anxiety shows up in many different ways:

Men:

  • In ability to become erect or maintain an erection
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Hesitation or reluctance
  • Nervousness, anxiety, withdrawing, or emotional

Women:

  • Lack of response
  • Unable to lubricate or maintain being wet
  • Emotional and / or withdrawing

Best way to minimize the effect of performance related issues is to limit expectations, keep realistic expectations, and communicate about issues as they occur.

3) Change

Everyday we learn something new, we grow from our experience and it is foolish to believe we do not change. By having a threesome, you will be introducing a lot of change to the relationship in a very short amount of time. Some change will occur very rapid. Changes that are likely to occur include:

  • As a couple the way you communicate
  • Attitude towards each other
  • How you view and relate to your spouse / partner
  • Beliefs towards relationships, marriage, and life
  • Feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

It is important to remember wanting a threesome or cuckold is a life changing experience that will have far-reaching effects. Therefore, it is important to be cautious and to remember your spouse / partner are also going through a similar experience even though they may not be showing the behaviors.

4) Different Starting and ending points

Having a threesome in some ways is like a sprint. Everyone starts at difference places but ends at the point. In a journey to have a threesome, everyone begins their journey with preconceived ideas based on beliefs and experiences. Once the journey begins and the idea of swinging is explored the idea becomes more tangible. This can lead to changes whereby the individual who initially brought-up the idea may become more calculating because the idea is no longer pure fantasy and an element of reality is entering. Likewise someone who may be reluctant and starts understanding the possibilities may become eager. It is therefore possible each person who begins this journey may find they undergo a transformation.

5) The third person

Swinging can have a far reaching effect on the individual and the relationship. Choosing the right third person is paramount in ensuring continuity, before and after the experience, and preserving the relationship. Also choosing the right third person can enhance the experience and make it a very caring experiencing

So, how do you find the right third person? The is a temptation, when starting out, to choose a friend or a co-worker. On the surface the choice appears logical. However choosing someone well known brings its own set of issues. Whilst it is impossible to speculate on every possible scenario, one thing is clear sometimes choosing someone that is unknown can be a better choice.

There is no guarantee any route you choose to find a third person will work. The best route, I believe, is method that uses all of the tools available to you. This includes using online sites asking questions and meeting the individual before any activity happens. It does not have to be a several month process of asking in depth questions and developing a close friendship. Instead it can be relatively brief to develop trust and feel confident the third person has your best interest at heart.

6) Nothing can be prepare you for the night

The day finally arrives. A mixture of feelings happen. Anxiety, fear, and the elation only to find the need to remain calm. Then a few hours before meeting the third person trying on several pieces of clothing happens and getting your hair just right. She looks beautiful and you begin looking at it as a night that will be remembered.

After a bit of socializing the discussion turns to sex. At first a few jokes get made, then the discussion becomes a bit more serious before discovering you have reached the point of no return. Everybody heads to the bedroom she undresses before laying on the bed. Soon everyone is naked and for a few minutes it is a very erotic experience.

Soon kissing, touching, and intimacy begins. All of the discussion and preparation culminates into this experience. There is a feeling of surrealism that fills the room. At first you soak in the experience but soon your beliefs begin to become challenged. It is almost as though something has overtaken your body. Your responses feel as though it is someone else in control. In some ways it is liberating because this is a feeling that has never been experienced and other ways it is frightening since it is easy to lose control.

Soon he enters your wife and a flood of emotions hit. Now there is no turning back and your relationship has forever been changed. She lays there, appearing to enjoy it. Her reaction makes you frightened and shatters everything you know of her.

7) Did it happen?

Having a threesome means accepting change will occur. After the threesome expect a lot of change to happen. Expect as the thrill wears off that there may be feelings of mourning, anger, and feelings of distance. This is normal. A lot has happened prior, during, and after the threesome. Now it is time for your mind to work through all of it.

During this time it is important to discuss feelings and the experience. This means do not shut your spouse out but use them as a resource. Having a threesome can be a powerful force that brings couples together if they are willing to work together instead of driving them away.

8) We will have another threesome?

It is good that you consider the idea and think about your experience. Most couples who have threesomes do not live a threesome lifestyle. Instead they may have an occasional, maybe a few in their relationship, and maybe they will only have one. The answer to that question depends on time and on the experience.

9) No one will know

After having a threesome it is possible to feel that everyone knows your secret. Most likely the only ones who know are the third person, your spouse, and you. It is unlikely others will know unless you were in public, you are well known, or you are upfront about having threesomes. In most situations, people are too afraid to ask or by ‘outting‘ they are also telling on themselves. This means in many circumstances no one will know unless you tell them.

10) Long-term implications

It is impossible to know the outcome when you begin your journey. If you approach having a threesome with love, trust, and caring for the participants then it is realistic to expect a positive outcome. Even if the initial experience is bad, in time, you may find the experience was beneficial or positive. Regardless of your initial feelings a threesome that has gone will can increase happiness, satisfaction, and communication in a relationship.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

Watching my wife having sex with someone else

Threesome positions

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: After Yes Now What?


First Date questionIntroduction

The time between agreeing to try cuckolding and her first date is an important time. It is a time if handled wrong it can mean relationship issues that can destroy the relationship. Also, it can mean a breakdown in communication and it can mean putting her safety at risk once the first date occurs. This guide will share relationship secrets and planning secrets to make her first cuckolding date enjoyable.

Defining Cuckolding

What is cuckolding?

Before discussing cuckolding it is important to ask yourself what does cuckolding mean to you? Is it a hot wife that has many male lovers outside of her loving relationship with her husband? Maybe it is dominating wife who humiliates her husband by taking on another lover because he has a small penis? Perhaps it is a wife who wants to know what it is like to have sex with someone outside of their relationship and experience another penis.

The answer to the question, there is no  universal definition and everyone has there own definition of cuckolding. This means, cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions an unifying theme. All definitions include a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship that is done with his knowledge and consent.

For some it raises the question is cuckolding cheating? The answer is perceptional and outside of the scope for this article.

BDSM and Couples

Arguably anytime a couple involves a third person in their relationship it can be cuckolding but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms. I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Type of Cuckolding and Planning your first date

Understanding the two different forms of cuckolding is important because it will help guide the couple on the type of experience they want. By defining the type of experience, it will help them communicate and help find a man that is likely to support the experience they wish.

Couples Cuckolding

If she is leaning towards a couples cuckolding experience then experience is short-term and probable will not need her husband’s / boyfriend’s involvement in choosing the other male. The focus here is on short-term physical enjoyment. It is possible the first date may be meeting for sex instead of drinks.

BDSM

This may take her longer to find and may require more involvement, if asked. Since this type of arrangement may be for the long-term she may ask her husband / boyfriend to come with for input. Alternatively she may keep him updated regarding the progress of the date. Planning may become more intricate and finding a male who is willing to accept such an arrangement make take longer. The date in this type of situation may resemble a couple meeting for the first time and may involve several meets before any sexual activity occurs. As a couple working out safety and boundaries becomes paramount to protect the relationship.

After Yes What Next?

She agrees to try cuckolding but what next? Being a couple with that look like ‘deer in a headlight’ is not an option. After agreeing to explore cuckolding and before the first date there is a period between agreeing and the first date. During this period the couple goes through some drastic changes. These changes range from emotional withdrawal, to fear, and to sheer excitement. Some describe the experience as a roller coaster of emotions.

Where do you look?

The first step involves finding a suitable male. Finding a suitable male for cuckolding is nerve-racking since it has to be someone that is trustworthy and will not hurt her. This can lead to the search taking longer and being more cautious.

In the digital age there are many ways to search from:

  • using the internet
  • talking to friends
  • using apps on your phone
  • striking up conversations
  • letting it happen naturally by giving her a ‘hall pass.’
  • vising a swingers club or social

Searching for a cuckolding experience is different from a threesome. Cuckolding relates to how the couple relate to each other instead of how the relate to the invited male. When searching for a threesome it involves finding someone who shares similar interests as the couple and because having a threesome is more popular than cuckolding. As a result many sites have sprung up catering to subgroups of threesomes such as bisexual men or single women seeking a couple. Whereas cuckolding involves finding a compatible male. This means cuckolding tends to blend in a bit more and taking time to read profiles becomes more important.

She is Shy Introverted

The Issue

For her agreeing to try cuckolding might be overwhelming. It means finding another male to have sex with and worry if the relationship will survive the experience. It may cause her to be cautious and actively seek the experience. Alternatively she may be naturally shy and does not seek a cuckolding experience. So how can you help her if she is shy or reluctant?

Before searching it is important to talk about her reluctance  if she is normally outgoing. Without talking discussing her reluctance it can open the door to relationship issues that can have a far-reaching effect long after the experience is over. Furthermore it can impact her ability to effectively communicate her comfort, it can impact her enjoyment, and impact her feeling of security because she is not meeting a need.

Does this mean she should not try cuckolding? No, being shy does not mean she is unable to enjoy the experience nor does it mean she should not have the experience. Instead it means making sure she is able to effectively communicate her needs and those needs are understood.

Overcoming the Hurdle of being Shy Introverted

Being introverted and cuckolding are not incompatible; however, it can pose a hurdle. Finding a cuckolding experience is similar to a threesome because both use similar sources. The difference lies in the process for finding a suitable male. Typically searching for a cuckolding is an individual experiences whereas searching for a threesome is more of a shared couple experience.  Since she is shy it may mean, as her husband or boyfriend, you will have to help her. This may mean seeking her agreement to allow you to find someone, seeking her agreement to allow you to arrange you for her to meet someone, or it may mean giving her support.

Setting Basic Boundaries

One of the big differences between having a threesome and cuckolding are boundaries. Threesome boundaries tend to focus on protecting the relationship, building trust, and providing for a sense of well-being by ensuring needs are met. Cuckolding boundaries are different. The focus for cuckolding is physical safety and to a certain extent protecting while ensuring information is communicated.

Choosing the ‘Bull’ Other Male

Cuckolding normally requires choosing the other male is her choice but she may ask for husband / boyfriend for their advice. Depending on the cuckolding experience she is seeking it will decide the male she chooses. If she is shy then she may ask her boyfriend / husband to help. His involvement should be agreed before  any searching occurs and should be limited.

Finally

Not many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning before the real work begins. Taking time to set boundaries and to search will help make sure an enjoyable experience and help make sure the relationship survives. Without taking time to talk through the issues and set basic boundaries the risk to her is high.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Surviving the First Date


Surviving the first dateIntroduction

The cuckolding fantasy give a safe place to view the experience and have the ideal outcome.  Once the first date approaches the fantasy metamorphosis into a storm at sea with the flurry of emotions, the fear, and panic before being replaced with excite the first date brings. It is not until she arrives home and discussing the experience does the storm finally subside. So, how do you survive the storm that comes with the first date?

Boundaries

Starting point is establishing basic boundaries. Cuckolding is not a threesome and will need very different boundaries. A boundary for a threesome might be no kissing, one-off, or no anal sex. This is because having a threesome is a team activity whereby each person can verify the other is following each boundary and as a couple become comfortable with having a threesome their need for specific boundaries begin the wane. Therefore, a boundary in a threesome situation is more about comfort and providing a degree of emotional safety to make sure the threesome does not go beyond a certain points.

However, in a cuckold having a boundary is more about physical safety or relationship safety than emotional safety. Examples of boundaries may include:

  • No staying overnight
  • Call / text to give update about the date is progressing
  • Number of times in a month she meets the other man
  • Amount and type of communication that can occur
  • Degree to which the discussing the events of her being intimate with someone else
  • Meeting the other male and being to ‘veto’ him if not acceptable.

It can be said, having a cuckold requires a higher degree of trust and a deeper understanding of what cuckolding involves to make sure safety.

Build up the relationship

Building up the relationship  prior to the first date is vital for ensuring a positive cuckolding experience and ensuring the relationship can survive the experience. This means any relationship issue that can cause a problem is resolved before the first date and it means finding a way to connect at an emotional level to bond.

Next building up the relationship can also mean changing your communication style whereby the focus changes from superficial discussions to problem resolution. Such a change may involve talking about feelings, needs, and then working towards an agreeable solution.

Finally, building up the relationship means supporting her through the experience in order for it to be a positive experience for her. It may need helping her prepare for the first day and making herself look attractive. This may mean putting aside your feelings to help her feel confident that this is the right decision.

Relationship Changes

As the first date gets closer there may be noticeable relationship changes:

  • She may become emotionally distant
  • She may want more time to herself
  • Sex may decrease or stop
  • Anxiety and fear about the relationship may become more common
  • Arguments may increase
  • Premature ejaculation or inability to become erect
  • She may become more focused on appearance

It is important to view them as normal but after the first date, they can be a sign of an issue that needs discussing.

Distraction

The first time can be quite unnerving. She is gone, hopefully enjoying herself with someone else while you are left alone. It is a time when fear and anxiety build that can lead to a hasty decision being made. It is important while she is out a distraction is found that does not involve using drugs, does not involve using alcohol and does not shopping. From my experience, if you are at home, cleaning is a good distraction. Likewise going to a movie or going out also serves as distinction.

Post Date Relationship Changes

Cuckolding will forever change your relationship and each encounter makes it more difficult for the relationship to return to an exclusive relationship.  It is important to expect change and the degree, to which, the change will occur will depend on how the experience impacts each of you.

Finally

Until the first date cuckolding is only a fantasy. However, as the first date approaches the relationship will under go temporary changes that may involve creating an emotional distance to prepare for the cuckolding experience along with the male noticing sexual changes. After the date it is likely there will be changes to the relationship and to make sure the experience is positive the couple will need to make sure they continue to communicate. The first date can be a positive experience if you plan for it, communicate, and view any change positively.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

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Easing into cuckolding or a threesome


easing into cuckolding and swingingIntroduction

The decision is reached to finally take ‘the plunge,’ and all is left is finding the right person. A few ideas get discussed about possible people to invite and the discussion includes using an ad on a web site. After taking time to search someone who appears to be a good match is found and the reality of having sex with someone outside of the relationship finally becomes real. Now hundreds of thoughts starting arising and confronting a new reality, one that was not thought of during the discussion, how do you ‘ease into’ having the experience?

Solution: Do what is comfortable

When it is not a good idea to have a cuckold or a threesome

‘Easing’ into a threesome or ‘easing’ into a cuckold indicates to me someone who does not know where their comfort level lies. It can also be a warning that boundaries have not been discussed or they were not in alignment with personal beliefs. At worst, it can be a sign that pressure or coercion is being used to gain agreement for a threesome indicating it the planned experience can cause harm.

Listening to ‘the voice’ for direction of ‘easing into’ a threesome or a cuckold

All of us has a ‘little voice in our head’ that tells us:  what is comfortable, the ‘voice’ tells us when we are leaving our comfort zone, and it tells us when we are outside of our level of comfort. Granted in a cuckolding and threesome situation there are two other people; however nothing happens unless you agree to it. This means, there is no reason why ‘the voice’ needs to be muted when it comes to a threesome or a cuckold. It also means, there is no reason as to why ‘the voice’ cannot act as a guide and act as an indicator of where your comfort level exists and use that indicator for establishing boundaries that build a level of trust.

Alternative solution: ‘dipping your toes in the shallow end’

If using your senses to help you guide you about where your comfort level exists and then communicating it does not work, another solution exists. This solution involves taking small steps and once a level of comfort is establish trying something more involved. Each of us has our own definition of a small step and it is not easy to define. Nonetheless, in the context of a threesome or cuckold, it tends to mean starting with a non-sexual activity then build.

Example 1: a fictitious example Mr. & Mrs. Jones

Mr Jones a 48 year old  accountant &  Mrs. Jones a 42 year old nurse agree to have a threesome. Mrs Jones has always enjoyed fantasies of a younger male having sex with her without Mr. Jones present. As a couple they discussed the idea and agreed to try it. As a part of their agreement they agree Mrs Jones will find a male and have sex with him without Mr Jones present. 

After agreeing they found a 38 year old male, Mark Smith but after  finding Mark Mrs. Jones begins having doubts and is unsure if she can go through with it. Mr & Mrs Jones discuss the issue. They discover their initial plan was too bold and scale it back. Instead of having it all happen at once, they agree Mrs. Jones will have a few ‘dates’ with Mark to see if she is ready for the experience.

Example 2: fictitious example George and Melissa

George and Melissa are a middle age couple who seek different ways to explore the boundaries of their relationship. Recently they have agreed to try a threesome with Paul. However, as the threesome approaches Melissa is finding she is unsure if she can go through with the planned threesome. As a result George and Melissa agree their first experience will be a soft-swinging experience and then afterwards they will evaluate the experience to see if the next encounter will be a full threesome.

Alternative Solution 2: KISS it

A good acronym to remember when planning your first threesome is KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid). Keeping a threesome or cuckold simple means setting realistic expectations and not viewing the experience as some type of marathon event. It also means, not pushing the boundaries and keeping the first experience simple thereby avoiding a lot of issues later. In a threesome an example of keeping it simple might be having each male having sex with the female instead of trying for ‘split roast’ or double penetration (dp).

When planning a threesome typically two mistakes are made. First mistake is not having boundaries and agreeing to allow anything to happen. Usually this is a bad idea because it does not provide a sense of security, it allows activities not considered to happen,  and it also opens the planned cuckold or threesome to conflict later. Second mistake is like being a child in a toy store and being overwhelmed with all of the choices. This can lead to planning a threesome that is outside of the comfort limit and make a participant uneasy.

Finally

Remember when planning your first threesome or cuckold by KISSing it will alleviate some of the stress associated with it. Also, by communicating it can help to plan a threesome or cuckold that is emotionally secure. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take a threesome or cuckolding experience slow. Just remember to communicate.

Other articles of interest

Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

Secret #3: being confident

Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Secret #6 – it is the relationship

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

8 cuckolding secrets every couple should know

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Six secrets that will help you make your fantasy of having a threesome a reality


hot wife lying in waitingIntroduction

Wanting a threesome is the first step to have a threesome but convincing your ‘significant other,’the idea is a good idea is a hurdle that needs overcoming. Sometimes the hurdle is more like a mountain that is almost impossible to climb.

Article Overview

Each article covers an area to consider before approaching your ‘significant other’ about the idea and each secret addresses an area that can help you overcome their initial resistance to the idea. Whilst I cannot guarantee success, each secret when used in conjunction with the others can help increase your change of success or at least minimize the amount of time needed to discuss the topic before finding your third person.

Other articles of interest

Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

Secret #3: being confident

Secret #4: think marathon not sprint

Secret #5 – looking beyond quid pro quo

Secret #6 – it is the relationship

Follow me

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr