Tag Archives: planning

Threesome Foursome: Adding Spice to an erotic experience by trying an unique position

Posted in Techniques / Positions, Threesome Articles by other authors, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Introduction

Planning a threesome? Wondering what position to use? Maybe split roast, double penetration, and watching while to the invited male fucks your wife while you watch is becoming blase. Regardless below there is an opportunity to add some creativity and excitement to your threesome by trying new positions. The plethora of positions listed below are a collection of threesome positions for both mfm and fmf along with a few foursome positions.

Cosmo Twitter After Dark

Cosmo Twitter After Dark regarding realistic threesome positions. It is a good article. However the cartoon like drawings and the descriptions are light-hearted; however the light-heartedness, I feel, detracts from the purpose. Nonetheless, I believe, this is a great piece that is worth the time to review.

AskMen – UK

Cosmo does a great job with article on threesome positions. In contrast AskMen – UK is more pragmatic. Instead of 15 positions it focuses on 7 positions using real-life models along with discussing the benefits of each position.

DatingAdvice.com

The list on this site adds to the depth of positions available. The only drawback, unlike the other sites listed here, this site provides descriptions without video or photos; instead this site relies on descriptions.

SexualPositionsFree.com

This site takes an unique approach to the topic of threesome positions by using wooden figures in various positions.

YouTube – Living La Vita Loca (fmf / mff threesome)

For YouTube videos this is very well done and it focuses on threesome position for a two woman threesome

Finally

Regardless if you opt for a familiar position such as split roast or something more adventurous, the one thing that is clear having a threesome  can greatly enhance for any couple.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

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25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

Posted in Threesome opinions by

IMG_8709 updatedAre we ready for our first threesome?

Below is a guide that covers 25 points couples should consider before having their first threesome. It not comprehensive and it may not cover every situation. Instead it is meant to cover topics that a couple may encounter from initial discussion through debriefing. This means the below list is meant to be a guide covering topics couples should consider before having their first threesome.

  1. There is no perfect threesome and each threesome is unique
  2. We have discussed the idea, worked through the issues, and feel we have a shared understanding of our planned threesome.
  3. We understand our feelings, understanding, and desire to have a threesome may change. Therefore, we have agreed to periodically review our planned threesome.
  4. We understand having a threesome will change our relationship and we accept that it will change
  5. If we invite a co-worker, a friend, or someone from a former relationship it will bring additional risks for us. These risks can include an increase loss of our current relationship, loss of friendship or loss of job. Therefore we need to scrutinize our choice before inviting someone close to us.
  6. Inviting someone we do not know means there are risks too. These risks can include risk to personal safety.
  7. Inviting someone we do not know may mean a few discussions with them over a period of time before a threesome may happen.
  8. During the threesome our perception of reality will be challenged. Therefore better not to act on impulse during the threesome but to wait until we have time to ourselves to discuss anything that came up.
  9. Communication is vital for an enjoyable threesome and we need to communicate about the threesome until all issues are resolved.
  10. We have been open with each other regarding our communication with the third person
  11. We have, to each of our satisfaction, discussed having a threesome including: boundaries, what it will mean for our relationship, and our feelings regarding having it.
  12. If either of us are prone to jealousy or anger then it is important to consider if having a threesome is the best for us.
  13. Any changes to our boundaries need to be made prior well in advance of the threesome.
  14. Our boundaries are clear and understandable. We both understand our expectations and we have communicated them / will communicate them to our invited third person.
  15. We do not have too many boundaries and the few that we do have do not contradict other boundaries.
  16. Our definition of cheating excludes threesomes.
  17. We have agreed having a threesome is a mutual decision and we accept responsibility for making the decision.
  18. Each of us has a ‘veto,’ meaning if we are not comfortable with the perspective third person, then we can communicate it and the threesome will not happen.
  19. If either of us decides to exercise our ‘veto’ then it will be accepted and discussed.
  20. Neither of us feels pressured, manipulated, or coerced into having a threesome.
  21. Our planned threesome is not occurring shortly after a major life event (e.g. death, marriage, job loss, major move, etc).
  22. If we have children in the home, we have made suitable arrangements for them while we have our threesome.
  23. We have taken reasonable steps to protect our privacy and to protect our safety
  24. We have discussed and agreed about safe-sex practices
  25. We have agreed having a threesome must be enjoyable for all.

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Jealousy and threesomes

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships by

English: The Jealousy of Darnley

Jealousy and Cheating: Monogamy versus Non-Monogamous Relationships

After the give and take involved in agreeing to explore the idea of having a threesome the real work begins. Discussing the idea in detail gives birth to the reality of having a threesome. At some during the discussion two issues are likely to comes up.

Jealousy

First is the issue is jealousy. This author believes jealousy, in the narrow context of a threesome, results from feeling the relationship is under threat and the need to protect it. Jealousy can be a warning mechanism alerting the individual that something needs to be done or it can be something that destroys a relationship if the treat is imaginary. Being able to differentiate between a real threat to the relationship, a perceived threat, or an imaginary threat is not always easy due to the emotions involved.

Fear of Cheating

Second issue involves the topic of cheating and how the couple defines the term in the context of considering a threesome. Being able to define cheating for a couple’s relationship is paramount to a workable threesome.

In answer to the above issue, there is a good general article on jealousy and cheating. This article presents research into the topic of swinging, jealousy, and cheating. However, it does not provide a model on how to address the issues and instead examines the issues from a topical perspective.

This is a great article for anyone who enjoys reading research into the topic and it is written at a very easy to read level. Therefore, I will encourage everyone to read this article and learn more about these topics.

Regarding cheating in open, non-monogamous, relationships. This is something that is defined by the boundaries the couple has established and for the most part the issue of cheating has been eliminated by opening up the relationship. However, the issue of jealousy still remains. Jealousy happens in many forms such as feeling as though not enough time is being spent together, not being special, or having to deal with someone else in the relationship. In this author’s opinion, jealousy in open relationships, not the type of relationship, is a major cause for open relationships not working.

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Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Relationships, Terminology, Threesome opinions by

hot night out

Why do we participate in MFM threesomes or not?

Introduction

The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.

Reasons for Participating

Solidifying the relationship

As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.

If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.

Exploration of boundaries

Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.

Need to feel desired / wanted

Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.

Curiosity / Something new

By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.

In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.

Bisexuality

The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.

Reasons for not wanting a threesome

Risk to the relationship

At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea

Personal experience / beliefs

This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.

does not want partner there

This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.

Fear of emotional attachment / jealousy

Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.

Conclusion

The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.

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The problem with threesomes

Posted in Miscellaneous, Threesome Articles by other authors, Threesome Planning by

Author makes a good point about finding a threesome and I believe it is worth taking the time to read.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have.

The problem with threesomes.

via The problem with threesomes.

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Why we should not always believe what we read about threesomes

Posted in Miscellaneous, News Stories, Threesome opinions by

English: Fargo Civic Center, Fargo, North Dako...

Almost every day, shortly after I sign into my WordPress account I will read the new articles under the keywords for my Reader. Under one of my keywords I see several articles with attention grabbing headlines about a threesome going tragically wrong and I thought there has to be more to the story than attention grabbing headlines? I was right, as I read them one thing became clearly each article was focusing one aspect of the story.

In my writings there are two areas that tend to be re-ocurring themes the first is having a threesome with a ‘clear head.’ Meaning having a threesome when you have been drinking or doing drugs can lead to problems. I believe these articles is a good of example of that.

Another area is how the media portrays threesomes by selecting the most salacious bits in order to get readers without presenting the whole story thereby leading to a biased view of threesomes. Below are two articles when read separately presents a very scary picture of having a threesome but when read together, I believe, presents a very different story.

First article, based on the below article, appears to neglect the fact the two met in prison. As a reader knowing they met in prison explains a lot of their behavior and if the article mentioned they met in prison it would suggest the stabbing had more to do with their past than a threesome going bad. Likewise this article , based on the above article, neglects both men were drinking. The fact they were drinking suggests the reason for the threesome going bad was in part being fueled by drinking when combined with both of them having a criminal past.

When both articles are read together a more complete picture develops. From my perspective, the reason for the threesome going wrong had more to do with their past and the fact they were drinking than with having a threesome. Nonetheless the story is a good reminder of the potential problems drinking or drugs can pose when combined with having a threesome. Along with reminding us that there is more to a threesome story than what is being reported or discussed.

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Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario

Posted in Cuckolding, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

Heterosexual-flag-idea

Couple’s Cuckolding another form of cuckolding

Has the question, what it will be like to have sex with the guy in accounting ever cross your mind? Maybe what would it be like to have sex with someone else? These are typical questions ever individual fantasizes about and considers. However, if you are in a relationship  then you know know such experience can be kept as a fantasy but if it became reality then it could have dire consequences. How would you feel, if there is a way to potentially keep your relationship and live out a fantasy?

Such experiences are not forbidden if done with your partner’s consent and cuckolding might be your solution. Cuckolding is primarily thought of as a form of BDSM involving domination / submission with humiliation as a part of practice.  It typically involves the female half of the couple having sex with someone, typically male who is called a bull, with the knowledge and consent of her partner.  In this type of practice sex is either withheld from the submissive male or it is quite limited. The other form of cuckolding, in which the BDSM elements are not present, appears to be less common and in some ways it can be thought of as answer the question what. For this article, this type of cuckolding will be termed the couple’s cuckold since each member of the couple has an equal a voice in it.

How does this type of cuckolding exhibit itself? It can be the wife wanting to have sex with someone else because she married early and did not have sexual experience before meeting her husband.  Also, it could a threesome that has developed and the invited third person wants to have sex with the female half of the couple alone. It may be the husband / boyfriend wanting his partner to have sex with someone else. Finally it could be female wanting to have sex with an ex or a co-worker. Whatever the scenario, there seems to be two underlying activities that occur. The first is once the woman returns sex with her partner occurs, almost immediately and there is some sharing of the experience with her partner.  These two activities help differentiate it from the more common form of cuckolding.

This brings up the question, how do you approach the idea with your partner? Ideally the couple should have had at least one threesome before trying this and the reason for  this, without a least one threesome experience the couple cannot appreciate the complex dynamics that exist in this type of scenario thereby potentially missing crucial information that will help them decide if this route is the best choice for them. Even without a threesome experience the couple may have a successful experience if it done on a limited basis and opinions are respected.

To begin with not every man is open to the idea and he may be someone that will not accept such a scenario. However, trying to suggest the idea as a part of foreplay or as a part of ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of sex might be a good starting point. At this point the goal is suggesting the idea when the chance of resistance is low and the chance they might find the idea arousing is greater. Also at this point any acceptance of the idea should not be seen as consent since they might change his mind outside of the ‘bedroom.’ This author feels the way to start the conversation is by talking about the idea in very vague terms, such as, ‘how would feel if I wanted to fuck another guy and then come home to fuck you?’ Maybe during foreplay try talking about another guy fucking you and how much the thought turns you on. Then if they are willing to consider the idea, try becoming more specific and begin having the conversations outside of the bedroom.

Once the idea moves from the bedroom to discussion during the day, the conversation turns from erotic bedroom fun to discussing the particulars of the cuckold.  After the idea is discussed outside of the bedroom, do not be surprised his attitude may change and you may find there is resistance to it. This is typically called ‘double message’ and it may be a sign that intellectually he is for the idea though emotionally they are struggling with it. At this point, this author recommends, putting the idea to rest and reproaching it in another year while you work on strengthening your relationship with him.

As soon as you are able to discuss the idea the boundaries are different than a threesome where both of you are present. In this type of situation a lot depends on trust and having boundaries that work. Typical boundaries you may want to consider includes:

  • maximum number of encounters with the same person
  • length of time you are with him at any one time
  • acceptable activities
  • safe-sex practices including where the other male can cum
  • personal, physical, and emotional safety
  • how much of the activity will be discussed afterwards
  • priority for this type of experience
  • If he is to meet the other male
  • If he is to have input or veto on your selection of your chosen male.
  • How to contact you if needed and how you will contact him if something happens.

Essentially this means more communication needs to occur, it needs to be more detailed, and any agreed boundaries must be boundaries both of you are willing to adhere to in order to allow trust to flourish. It also, means talking about feelings openly and listening to what the other has to say. Without communicating about the planned cuckold and taking steps to minimize any damage from it, the couple is taking a big risk with their relationship.

Nonetheless, if it is done right this type of experience can be quite enthralling for the couple and it produce a very intense sexual experience for the couple, something they have never experienced. Based on this author’s experience it is a sexual experience that far exceeds that of having a threesome but at the same time it is a very unnerving experience due to the dynamics of the experience. However if it is done wrong it can have very devastating consequences for the couple.  Ideally this is something that should be done for a limited time with the same person and should be done on a very intermittent basis for the couple. Otherwise the couple may begin to loose control of the situation.

Finally this type of experience is a possibly ideal situation for a couple wanting to answer the question of what will it be like if…? However, before embarking on the experience the couple needs to discuss the idea and set boundaries. Without communicating about the experience and accepting that it can be potentially destructive to their relationship is undertaking a risk that they should not. Moreover, if a couple can plan it correctly and limit the number of times they have the experience, then the experience can be an incredible experience that they look back with fond memories.

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Planning a successful threesome

Posted in Etiquette, Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

Threesome in the Corner

Intro

Successful threesomes do not just happen. They are the result of communication, a stable relationship, and time together as a couple. Does this mean that every couple that has a stable relationship, good communication, and have been together for several years are guaranteed a successful threesome? No, threesomes fail for a variety of reasons including good planning and so no couple should never feel that there is a guaranteed formula for a successful.

This article will explore some of the necessary ingredients and also explore some of the more common reasons as to why threesomes do not work. This article will look at relationships, third person choice, communication, and then finally at some of the more common reasons about why a threesome may fail.

Relationships

What is necessary in a relationship for a threesome to work? To begin with the couple needs some ‘history’ together. This means that they have worked through some issues and gone through some stressful times together. By having these experiences they begin to develop a coping mechanism that allows them to discuss other challenges in the future. Typically a couple should be together a minimum of two years and preferably five years before considering having a threesome.

Another issue for couples considering having a threesome is the decision to have threesomes needs to be an egalitarian, decision equally made by both, in regards to having a threesome. This means that using pressure, manipulation, bargaining, or any other method to coerce an agreement to have a threesome will almost certainly make sure issues at a later date. Also this includes the reason for having a threesome. If there are feelings that a spouse will cheat if a threesome does not occur, that they will leave, or any other similar reasons then the couple should consider not having a threesome until these issues are resolved.

For a couple timing does become a consideration. If the couple has just met, recently married, gone through a major life stress, going through a major life stress, expect that they will be going through a major life stress then a couple does not have a threesome during this time. Major life events are those events that define a milestone in someone’s life. For each person and couple they are different; however they include issues such as:

  • Major illness
  • Surgery
  • Loss of a job
  • Birth of a child
  • Death of a close family member (e.g. child, parent, sibling)
  • Moving
  • Change in job or promotion
  • Debt or bankruptcy

Finally the couple needs to have developed a bond. This bond needs to be one that is special and unique. Each person needs to see the other as their life partner or soul mate. It is difficult to put into the words the unique bond that is needed. If the couple has not achieved the unique bond then taking some time to develop their relationship would be worth considering. Developing the relationship does not need therapy but taking time together. While they take time to spend together they use it to learn more about each other, develop their communication, and feel committed to one another.

Communication

Communication is an involved subject and much of it is beyond the scope of this article. This article will focus on the communication necessary for deciding on having a threesome. Essentially communicating about having a threesome involves three areas: discussion of the subject, boundaries, continued communication after the threesome. It also means that the communication in the relationship is at a point where each person can talk to the other without the fear of conflict, ridicule, or abandonment. It means that even though the other person may not agree with what is being said there is enough ‘respect’ in the relationship that allows the information to be communicated without fear.

Discussion of the subject

This area involves talking about all areas that relate, directly or indirectly, to having a threesome that occurs outside of the bedroom. It involves, but not limited to, talking about what ifs, scenarios, planning the threesome, and the type of person the two of you would invite. The discussions occur over a period sometimes weeks, years, and sometimes it resolves itself where no threesome happens. Anyhow the discussions have an aim of making an egalitarian decision about if the couple will have a threesome and if it does happen how it will be structured.

Boundaries

Boundaries do form a part of the discussion of the subject but are so important that they actually become a separate discussion. There are two components to discussing boundaries: relationship boundaries and threesome boundaries. Relationship boundaries regard how the relationship will run during the time the couple is active in having threesomes and how the couple will handle their threesome experience once the decision is made not to have anymore threesomes. While the threesome boundaries address the issues of the limits for the threesome. Since each couple is unique along with their own unique requirements there are no set boundaries. Instead the couples need to discuss and negotiate their boundaries.

Fear

One member of a couple may have a threesome out of fear of loosing their partner. Once they go through with it they have a lot of feelings such as guilt, anger, and disappointment. A lot of times they may have problems communicating to their partner that they did not like the threesome and this allows further problems to grow within the relationship until the relationship ends.

Communication after the threesome – debriefing

Once the threesome ends it does not mean that communication ends too. Instead it means that the couple continues to talk about their experiences and feelings about the threesome as long as necessary. Ideally after each threesome the couple has they should, as soon possible, talk about the experience including any feelings that it may have brought up.

Third Person Selection

For some couples they do not put any effort into it by choosing someone they know who they feel is a safe choice. However this can have some very devastating consequences for the couple.

As the couple talks about the type of threesome they want they need to include discussing the type of person they would invite and the type of person they would not invite. This means each couple takes the time work through who would meet their needs. The rest of this discussion will focus on issues surrounding third person selection.

No need to discuss when the time feels right

One fallacy, a couple may believe is, there is no need to discuss having a threesome and they will know when it feels rights. For most couples this is a major mistake. Reason being, the couple has acted impulsively and have not thought through all the potential issues thereby leaving themselves vulnerable to potential issues.

Choosing friends and co-workers

Friendships are put at risk when the subject of having a threesome comes up. Granted you may hear the odd story where a friend was more than willing to take part in a threesome with a couple. However the reality of the story 99% of the time the friend will not be receptive to the idea and even if they are receptive there are added risks that they bring that a ‘stranger’ would not bring. So it is very important that if you are considering asking a friend that the decision is weighed heavily against loosing them as a friend and loosing your partner too.

As for co-workers there are so many issues this author does not know where to begin. To begin with if there is a supervisory relationship or even the slightest remote possibility that at some point in the distant future that it may be a supervisory relationship then avoid it at all costs. Reason being too much of a risk for complaints about sexual harassment, unfair working practices, hostile work environment, and a host of other complaints could be filed. Which means your personal life now becomes the focus of internal investigation and an investigation by several governmental agencies.

Another reason for avoiding a co-worker is risk of exposure. Yes, they may not say anything now. However what will happen if they say no or worse yet, what will happen in the future especially when it goes sour? The last thing you want is to be the subject of gossip mill at work or begin to get the reputation that you are ‘easy’.

Finally the risk for exposure can diminish any career prospects for you when you leave your role. It is better to play it safe by keeping work and your personal life separate than trying to mix the two.

Conclusion

A successful threesome does not just happen. Instead it involves communication, choosing the right person, and being together long enough to have developed a strategy for dealing with issues. Without taking the time to plan and discuss the idea, a threesome poses a risk to a couple’s relationship.

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Meet and greet – no pressure way to meet

Posted in Etiquette, Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

 

Meet and greet area at the new Hyderabad Inter...

 

Introduction:

 

On our metaphoric journey we have finished descending down from the mountains and can begin to see our final destination just in front of the horizon. Purpose of the meet and greet for a couple is it gives them a chance to meet the third person they have been communicating with and make decisions about their next steps. This section will talk in more detail about arranging a meet and greet along with some of the issues that may be encountered. Finally this is meant as an overview in order to give a couple an ideas what is involved with a meet and greet and this chapter not meant to be a treatise on the topic.

 

Meet & Greet – Two forms defined

 

Meet & Greets have two different usages when it comes to threesomes and group sex. First definition refers to a meet & greet discussed whereby a couple meets a third person in order to discover if enough of an attraction exists for a threesome. Normally this is done by couples starting out in order to give them a bit more control over the situation and to ensure that the decision they are making is the right decision for them. For the purpose of this article when discussing meet & greet it will refer to this definition.

 

Second use of the term refers to an off-premise event, where sex does not occur at the venue and it purpose is meant to be a no pressure event regarding sex. It is meant for people who share a similar interest to come together to meet and discuss. Such a forum provides a chance to make contacts and serves as another way to meet people interested in having threesomes.

 

Issues for Couples

 

At this stage the idea of having a threesome has for the most part moved from fantasy to becoming more real. For the couple it means taking the first solid step towards having it and it may mean some insecurity is encountered. If the couple has not had “the talk,” yet, then it should occur before meeting the invited third person. “The talk,” involves acknowledging that planning to have a threesome is a mutual decision with the right to change their mind at any time without repercussion and not to hold it against the other should it goes forward. Also it involves talking about the planned threesome, how they expect to feel about it, especially if they are going to be the one watching their partner having sex with someone else and talking about any issues that may have arisen. Finally it is meant to go through the boundaries to make sure they are workable, use the time to talk about any issues, and to agree to talk after the threesome happens in order to address any unresolved feelings.

 

General Principles

 

Ideally before arranging a meet and greet some conversations should have already occurred between the three of them. The conversations should have, at a minimum, covered a summary of boundaries and expectations.  Based on conversations that have already taken place there should be a general consensus that there is an interest in having a threesome and at some level an attraction among all three exists.

 

Meeting place should be a public area and preferably not a bar or club. Instead place should allow conversations to happen and be somewhere that encourages all three to be social. Typical places would include restaurant, a theatrical production, a movie, or other public events. Should there be some physical distance between the couple and the third person then maybe meeting half-way or some other compromise maybe needed. It should go without saying that considering the risk and safety need to be factored in deciding where to meet.

 

Third before meeting it should be clear to everyone what the evening will entail and if sex might occur. Ideally for a couple that is still new then it would be best to wait until the second meeting before allowing the threesome to happen. It does not mean that flirting, incidental contact, or limited touching cannot occur. In some ways it gives each person a chance to gage their reaction before things become more intimately involved and it gives the couple one more chance to work through any outstanding feelings. By doing it this way means setting boundaries and expectations then sticking to them thereby helping the couple to prepare for the eventual threesome.

 

Fourth the couple should not be shocked if their invited third person does not show up. “No shows” can be common and it comes with the territory. Ideally you should give the third person some time past the stated time in the event they were delayed by traffic, work, or did not leave as expected. Ideally this author would recommend giving the third person if they are not on time an addition 15 – 30 minutes. Should the invited third not show up without giving proper notice then it is best not to waste your time on them and find someone else. It is important to remember that having a threesome and having a relationship analogous to dating are two separate things. A goal of this type of threesome is to avoid forming feelings or an attachment to the third person. By becoming fixated on one person as the ideal choice for the threesome increases the chance that feelings will develop and it is best to move on rather then risking that.

 

Fifth point, at this stage you are not looking for “coffee moments,” whereby a deep long lasting friendship is developed before the threesome happens. By the time you arrange a meet & greet as a couple you should be about 80% – 95% certain that you would like to have a threesome with the person that you are meeting. At this stage if it is going to happen then the transition to the threesome happening is quite fast, no more than 2 – 3 face to face meetings. If it takes longer than about 3 meets without something happening then the couple needs to examine the reason.

 

Finally meeting a third person and having a threesome are not the same. It could be that when you communicate that an attraction exists but when you meet the attraction seems to fizzle. This may mean you have made a new friend, if you choose, but it also means you need to begin your search again.

 

Meeting Etiquette

 

Reality is there is no right way to meet the person. Dress for the meeting is dictated by where you will be meeting and to a lesser extent the expected threesome. Normally this means for males dressing smart, female(s) can dress sexy as long as it is appropriate for where they are going to be, being properly groomed, and following proper hygiene are essential too.

 

Some couples may have the person who is the same gender (e.g male half of the couple meet the invited male or if mff having the female half of the couple meet the invited woman) meet alone with the third person to screen them and then to introduce them to their partner. Screening at this point is to make sure that with who you are meeting is the same person that you have been talking with, to see if an attraction exists, and to ensure that the third person is still in agreement with the planned boundaries.

 

Purpose of the meeting is twofold. One as already stated to give a chance for the couple to think through if they want to go through with the planned threesome using this person. Second is to develop a “working relationship” with the third person whereby a level of comfort is established and the necessary communication is also established. By developing this type of relationship the hope is that the threesome once it does happen will go smoothly because some of the foundation has already been laid.

 

During the meeting, especially at the start, the conversation should be social and follow the normal social rules. This means the invited third person should treat the couple as a couple and be respectful towards their relationship. Just because the purpose of the meeting is to determine if a threesome is possible, it means the invited third person is to take their cues from the couple regarding behaviour especially when it comes to flirting and any touching.

 

At some point the conversation will begin to turn to sex and the threesome if an attraction exists. It is important that the couple steers the conversation, not let it go beyond what they are comfortable with, and reinforce their boundaries. Should there be indications that things are progressing towards a threesome then the couple needs to begin the conversation regarding boundaries and expectation along with giving the invited third person a chance to discuss their needs too.

 

Finally if the couple stated that sex was not going to occur during the first meeting then the couple needs to let the invited third person know how and when they would get back to them about their decision. The third person should not pressure them to rush their decision and whatever their decision they need to respect it.

 

Conclusion

 

This section basically introduced the idea of the meet & greet and how it functioned. It has not covered all issues involved because it is not a treaties on the subject and its purpose was to give couples an introduction into how to have a meet & greet. Any meeting of a potential third person needs to consider risk, safety, and the impact on the couple’s relationship which means no threesome is free of risk.

 

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Can a threesome help a relationship?

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Imagine this scenario, a couple finds sex is becoming mundane and predictable considers having a threesome in order to add “spice” to their sex life. Likewise another couple  finds sex between them is electrifying and wanting to explore their boundaries. Which one, do you feel is like to have an enjoyable threesome experience that can help their relation? The answer might surprise you.

In order to answer that question it is important to define the word help. Help in this context means either fixing a relationship or improving it. It does not mean being therapeutic nor doe it mean providing a path to find an answer. This means having a threesome as a way for fixing a relationship poses some challenges and risks. Usually if there is a problem in a relationship it means there is a corresponding issue regarding communication. If there is a problem with communication then the likelihood that an important topic is missed regarding having a threesome increase and thereby means having problems due to having a threesome increases.   By having a threesome it can bring up underlying issues that the couple was not prepared to address. Without having the necessary tools, such as communication, in addressing underling issues then there is a high probability that the relationship will suffer. Does this mean the relationship is doomed to fail? No,  but it does mean the couple will likely face challenges that they will need to be prepared to address and without being able to successfully address them then it is likely the relationship will fail.

Does this then mean a couple that finds sex electrifying will be without issues? Again the answer is no. However, it does mean the couple is approaching a threesome from a position of strength thereby decreasing the chance that a threesome will go wrong. If a couple is finding sex electrifying between the two of them, for example, then it indicates they are doing something right. Most likely, though not guaranteed, communication exists and they, most likely, have the right relationship dynamic for a threesome. Nonetheless, there are no guarantees and there still remains a chance that an issue will develop that the couple did not consider. Such issues can include lack of clarity on boundaries and misunderstanding boundaries. Feelings beginning to develop for the third person and underlying relationship issues brought forward. Anytime a couple considers having a threesome they need to do it cautiously and be prepared for any issue that may arise.

Does this mean a threesome cannot help a relationship? No, but it does mean a threesome can weaken a poor relationship and it could help a strong relationship by allowing further development of communication between the couple. Therefore any couple thinking about a threesome need to work through any relationship issue before having a threesome in order to mitigate any issue that could hurt their relationship. If a couple is able to communicate and work through their problems then having a threesome may be something that could help them.