Imagine for a moment having an amazing heart-to-heart conversation about having a threesome but no decision has been made about the next step. Maybe the conversation did not go as expected, a few months have elapsed, and it is time to ‘test the water.’ The challenge is finding the balance between discussing the idea and not causing a complete collapse of the idea.
Start with yourself
In previous articles the importance of understanding your needs and how you envision the threesome is discussed. This means doing some introspection, thinking about possible scenarios, and thinking about your needs. Also it requires thinking about the relationship, the risks you are willing to take, and how you may react. Finally it involves doing some research into the topic. Without having a vision of a possible threesome, revising it, and thinking about it it is nearly impossible to communicate it to your partner.
Having a history together
History regarding a threesome means being together long-enough where each person in the relationship understands how each other responds to a situation, having a communication style that is unique to the couple, and having been together long enough the couple has been able to work through a few difficult situations. Essentially, history means know what makes your significant other operate and knowing how they are likely to respond. Without understanding your ‘significant other’ the chance of catastrophic failure, when trying to progress the discussion of having a threesome, is high.
Academic textbooks are written on confronting and challenging; however for this article a brief explanation will be given. Confronting someone, sometimes referred to challenging, can provide an opportunity to persuade them by opening them up to another perspective by confronting / challenging the flaws in their belief.
Successfully challenging / confronting a belief requires a clear understanding of the direction you want to take with the discussion and enough knowledge about the topic any resistance can be met. The goal is not to start a fight to the death over having a threesome. Instead, if done correctly, the technique can be used in regular conversation and help progress the conversation by alleviating any outstanding fear / anxiety over the idea.
Being human mean we change and being human mean we are not the same person we were yesterday. So what allows us to change? Our experiences, our challenges to our beliefs, and events in our lives. As a result, we learn and make the necessary changes. Regarding discussing a threesome, it can mean resistance to the idea has changed and there might be a willingness to discuss it.
So how much time is needed? My feeling if a relationship is new then at least two years before discussing the topic. This will give time to build the foundation of the relationship along with having an opportunity to work through any crisis and develop a sense of security.
Regarding how long the idea should be dropped before picking up the conversation again? There are some who feel if your ‘significant other’ says no to the idea then the topic is dead unless your ‘significant other’ bring up the idea. I disagree with it because I do not feel it is communication because a need is not getting met in the relationship. My feeling six months minimum but ideally a year. This will give your ‘significant other’ a change to think about the topic and a chance to ask any question they might have.
Without feeling secure in the relationship any discussion regarding having a threesome will fail. This means the first step in striking a balance require that security and trust are present.
Answering the question where does the limit exist for discussing a threesome when there is resistance to the idea or the direction is not clear? The answer is dependent on the situation and the couple. This means history together, the depth of feeling secure, and the ability to communicate are essential if the discussion is to progress. Without feeling this and without feeling confident about discussing the topic then it is likely this issue remain unresolved.
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