How to have a mfm without being bisexual


IMG_8704After receiving the ‘green light’, regarding exploring the idea of having a threesome, we quickly realize there are many hurdles that need negotiating before reaching the sought after threesome. Probably one of the earliest hurdles that presents itself is the threesome paradox:

Having a fmf means investing a lot of time with the most likely result being the second woman is bisexual. Thereby leaving out the male. However having a mfm may mean finding someone quicker but it will mean an assault on male-half of the couple’s sexuality?

One solution maybe  quid-pro-quo whereby the couple agrees to have a fmf and mfm only to find either they are unable to find a willing woman to join them or the man refuses going through with the planned mfm because it calls into question his sexuality. In this article, I will explore a guaranteed way of having a mfm without male-on-male contact

So, how do you have a mfm threesome without involving male-on-male contact? The first step is changing the mindset. Having a mfm is not about sexual identity. Speaking from personal experience, having a mfm threesome is about sharing and making his wife / girlfriend happy. Arguably, it is doing something for her and the relationship. For his wife / girlfriend and for them as a couple it is about liberation.

This means having a mfm is about an emotional experience whereby a couple can feel secure by trusting each other. By having a mfm threesome the man is giving permission to his wife / girlfriend to enjoy someone else, trusting her feelings will remain for him and she will not violate the boundaries they have set. Also, he is trust the male the invite will respect their boundaries, respect their relationship, and enjoy his spouse / girlfriend.

Final step is selecting the correct male. From my experience, I do not believe homophobic males make a good choice for a threesome. I believe they tend to view having a threesome as a way to have ‘no strings sex’ and can get obsessive about anything that might seem gay. This can create issues in the threesome especially between the males and finding someone who is comfortable with their sexuality is a better choice.

Also I believe there is no guaranteed way of finding a compatible male. Instead I believe the type of male in the situation is a male who respects boundaries, is outgoing, and someone who makes each of you feel comfortable. Then as all of you progress towards having a threesome, they are someone who looks to take cues and does not look to take advantage of any situation that may present itself.

Having a threesome whereby there is no male-on-male contact, involves having the correct mind-set. This involves each man being secure in their sexual identity and not seeing the threesome about challenging their sexual identity. Instead viewing it as an experience that can can be quite enjoyable by focusing on pleasing her. Therefore the guaranteed way to have a mfm threesome without challenging a man’s sexuality identity involves trust, communication, and a desire to share his wife / girlfriend with another man.

 

 

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

12 points for single men and women to consider before having a threesome


IMG_80821) Can I emotionally handle having a threesome?

Having a threesome requires an emotional investment that will ultimately lead to the relationship with the couple ending.

2) What impact will having a threesome have on my current relationship?

Unless you have an open relationship having a threesome can be devastating for a relationship.

3) What impact will having a threesome with a couple have on them?

A single individual needs to understand not all couples have threesomes because it is a mutual decision. Sometimes couples have a threesome because there is an underlying issue that is not always noticeable to them. If it appears the couple has relationship issues then it is better to say ‘no’ and avoid the drama then becoming sucked into the relationship vortex.

4) What are my needs?

Especially for single males, finding a couple that is interested in them takes priority over communicating needs. It is important that you understand your needs and find a compatible couple that meets your needs.

5) Can I communicate my needs?

Having a threesome is more than sex. From my experience, I believe, having a threesome is the summit in communication. Having a threesome that works requires a lot of work in communicating, understanding your needs, and being able to compromise in order to make everyone happy. Without the ability to communicate, negotiate, and compromise then having an enjoyable threesome is very difficult.

6) What do I feel is my role in a threesome?

This goes inline with communication and need. Finding a threesome that will work means understanding they type of role you want in a threesome. Do you want a voyeur / soft-swinging, same-sex contact, or straight?

7) Will I be able to emotionally detach from the couple?

Unless the threesome involves an open relationship / polyamory then being able to keep an emotional distance will be necessary. Having a threesome means being able to separate sex from emotion and without that ability you will find you will struggle with it.

8) Can I cope with rejection?

Searching for a threesome will mean having to face rejection, especially if you are man. Without being to cope with rejection then you will find finding a threesome to be frustrating.

9) Am I willing to make having a threesome a priority?

Having a threesome, especially if you are man, will mean investment in time. If you cannot commit the time and make having a threesome a priority then you may find you struggle with finding a threesome.

10) Am I outgoing / extrovert?

Previously mentioned having a threesome is the summit of communication. Likewise having a threesome is a very social and very intimate experience. A couple is inviting you to a very intimate experience with them and getting past the ‘hurdles’ requires the ability to convince the couple you are the right choice for them. This is accomplished by speaking with both of them and not sitting like a log. If you cannot become outgoing in this type of situation then chance of success diminishes.

11) Same-sex contact, bi-curious, or straight?

In order to clarify the type of threesome you are wanting it is important to decide the limit, if any, on same-sex contact in the threesome. This will determine the type of couples that will contact you and what couples expect from you.

12) Can you see the couple as a couple instead of NSA sex?

Couples have a threesome for a plethora of reasons and it is important that you see the couple as a couple. Showing the couple respect for their relationship will help you convince them you are the right choice more than seeing a threesome as a chance for NSA sex.

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

What is outing?


 

beachOuting: Cuckolding and Swinging

What is the first image that enters your mind when you hear the word outing? For me it is someone who is exposed as being gay and it is done against their wishes. The image is very troubling since it involves someone who has a part of their life exposed against their choice. Does this mean ‘outing’ carries the same negative connotation in the alternative sexual practices community.

Luckily for me I have never faced that issue. We do not work at hiding our interest but at the same time we do not draw attention to ourselves by speaking about it in public. So, we have learned how to protect ourselves.

In the swinging community outing has a very similar meaning. It involves being exposed as someone who participates in the lifestyle. Sometimes it is a family member, your job, and on a rare occasion someone you have ‘played with will expose you. This can be upsetting for those who have been outed.

Whereas for cuckolding outing takes on a different meaning. Outing means, in the context of cuckolding, exposing someone who has a small penis. This can be arousing if it falls within the agreed boundaries.

In answer to the question does outing have the same meaning? No, it depends on the context of the situation and it can be arousing experience for some, if it is done right.

 

Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @JohnnyLavish1

Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate


hot night out

Why do we participate in MFM threesomes or not?

Introduction

The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.

Reasons for Participating

Solidifying the relationship

As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.

If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.

Exploration of boundaries

Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.

Need to feel desired / wanted

Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.

Curiosity / Something new

By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.

In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.

Bisexuality

The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.

Reasons for not wanting a threesome

Risk to the relationship

At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea

Personal experience / beliefs

This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.

does not want partner there

This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.

Fear of emotional attachment / jealousy

Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.

Conclusion

The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.

What does relationship mean in a threesome?


Relationship is a word that takes on multiple meanings and is difficult to define. In a threesome situation the word is used in two different contexts. The first context is in regards to developing enough of a relationship that sex can occur. This is quite similar to a working relationship where a relationship is needed so that the necessary work can occur, it needs to be maintained so that any future work will go smoothly, and finally it is a relationship that needs to be developed quickly. In this context relationship is formed regardless of feelings, regardless of friendship, and it is formed due to a common objective that is being sought.

In the more common usage of the word relationship it refers to a friendship or deeper relationship based on shared common feelings for one another. Typically friendships are formed for the long-term and are meant to be lasting. In this usage of the term the formation of feelings serves a common objective for the formation of a long-term relationship.

For a threesome to be successful the relationship needs to similar to the former definition in which the relationship is based on a common objective and only maintained to meet that objective. This means that taking time to develop a friendship, a deep understanding of each other, and going through the lengthy dating ritual is not necessary. Instead it means the time needed to get to know each other should be done during the initial stages and only to the depth necessary to make a decision regarding if the third person meets the couple’s requirements. Once the couple has made their decision the relationship only needs to be maintained long enough for threesome to occur.

If at some time the relationship moves from a working relationship into a relationship where feelings begin to develop then the threesome needs to end. Each person in a threesome situation is responsible for their feelings and responsible for what is communicated. Should feelings begin to develop this need to be discussed and ending the threesome needs to immediately happen. There are many reasons for ending it but in essence it is done to preserve the marital relationship. The maintaining the marital relationship takes precedence over any other reason. Plus the threesome has moved away from its primary objective and if left to continue will prove to be destructive for all involved.

Once the current threesome relationship has ended the couple needs to take a break and work through what happened. After understanding how feelings began to develop for the third person the couple needs to update their boundaries in an effort to guarantee that this does not happen again.

Below are a few additonal suggestions to minimize the chance a threesome relationship begins creating feelings for the third person:

  • Find more than one playmate
  • Avoid exclusive relationships
  • Limit the number of times you play with the same person to either one off situation or a few limited times
  • Keep the time between playing with the same person long (e.g. every three or six months)
  • Maintain only necessary communication with the  third person
  • Do not incorporate the third person into non-sexual activities (e.g. picnic, movies, etc)
  • Make sure both of you agree on the person and do not take one for the team
  • Make sure your relationship is stable, you are not going through a major life event, or just finished going through a major life event.
  • Take time to build up your relationship
  • Avoid using friends, co-workers, or anyone you have a high degree of familiarity.
  • Debrief afterwards
  • Talk about feelings and potential scenarios that might lead to this situation. Once you have talked about it find ways to minimize it.
  • Communicate to the third person your boundaries
  • Communicate to the third person their role and that at the end of the night the two of you will be leaving as a couple.
  • Address any misconceptions that the third person may have about the threesome before it happens

The Dilemmas of Extramarital Sex


A good and thought provoking blog. Hopefully some of my readers will reply to the questions.

Planning a threesome on your own


Thank you to darkelaina who wanted information regarding planning a threesome on their own, the risks, using an online web site, and other information. This post is based on their questions.

Dessins de Martin van Maele. Para Zoloé et ses...

Introduction

Planning a threesome on your own for your partner and yourself is never easy. In some ways it is like planning a surprise threesome but in other ways it is different since you have your partner’s support. The purpose of this article is to address some of the issues, risks, and strategies involved in planning a threesome on your own. It is not meant to be a comprehensive discussion and it is not meant to be a formula to approach it. Instead it is meant to provide an opinion and highlight some issues.

Online Site Navigation:

I do not recommend sites because I feel each individual / couple needs to make the determination based on their needs, rather than relying on recommendations. Also a lot comes down to price, needs, interest, and the interest in your area for threesomes. This makes recommendations difficult since there is so much variability that a recommendation is difficult to make. Nonetheless I will give some general advice to help in the determination.

  • Free is not always better: I do not believe a free site is better and I sometimes feel using a free site may open you up to exploitation, especially if it is a general site rather than a specific site targeting this type of activity.
  • Does the site allow you to try the site before subscribing or does it offer a limited version as free? My own feeling, would encourage a potential customer to try the site before charging them or at least offer a limited version for free.
  • How is the pricing structured? Are you being “nickeled and dime to death?” Meaning are you being charged for every service you use every time you use it? Alternatively is pricing tiered to allow you to select the plan that best fits your needs?
  • How many people are in your area? There some very good free sites in the UK but if you are in the US then they are no use to you since they cater to people in the UK and the wider EU area. Likewise if you are in Mississippi but the site caters to people in the West then it may not be value for money.
  • Are they targeting a niche (e.g. polyamaory, cuckolding, wife-swapping) or is it a general site? If it is a general site and you have specific interest then you may find you will have to either compromise on your interest or spend a lot of time reading through replies to find someone that shares a similar interest. Likewise if you do not have a specific interest and you are using a site that caters to a niche interest then you may find that you are not successful a lot of the time.
  • How easy is the site to navigate? Can you easily move around the site, read profiles, and communicate with other members? If not, then it may not be worth your time?
  • What is the site’s reputation? I do not always put a lot of weight on reviews. From reviews I have written some appear to be written either by the site or someone that is closely connected to it in order to inflate the site’s reputation. Likewise there is always someone out there with “an axe to grind” and will speak negatively about a site regardless of how good it is. Sometimes friends might be a good source about sites if they are into threesomes. Otherwise try to average out the comments to get an idea of what the site is like.
  • What are the terms of service? This will define your agreement with the site, how regularly you will be billed and how for how much. If you are uncertain about any term then contact the site before agreeing to something that may be useless to you.
  • Have you seen that profile before? Sometimes the same people will create multiple accounts in order to get replies from people with various interests. Also, I believe, sometimes sites will create fake accounts in order to drive people to their site and make them look bigger than what they are. If the name is different but the information in the profile is similar to other profiles then most likely it is the same person.
  • What does the profile say? Read the profile closely. It will tell you the type of person they are seeking and something about themselves. If they cannot make time to put in a few sentences about themselves then the question has to be asked how serious are they?
  • Have you created an alias and kept your personal information offline? You do not know who you communicating with and it is important not to put any information online that can identify you or put your / your family at risk.
  • Have you considered your safety and the safety of your family? What plans have you made to keep them safe and you safe?
  • Regarding your profile have you specified the type of person(s) you are searching for, your boundaries, and the extent to which your partner will be participating?

Having sex with one or more people that are unfamiliar

One unfamiliar person

There is no magical formula for this situation and the best I can give is an opinion.

If the threesome involves your partner, yourself and an invited third person then this can be fairly straightforward. Assuming you meet the third person online a little bit of time should be taken to get to know each other. The level of knowledge about each, I believe, depends on the type of threesome being planned. Should this be either a soft-swap or full-swap threesome then very little needs to be known other than having enough information to make a decision if the person is a suitable candidate for a threesome.

After the decision is made to invite them for a threesome, one of two options exist. First option is having a meet and greet, whereby all three meet each but no sex occurs the first time. The time is used to get to know each other more and then make the decision if it is going to progress further.

Second option is allowing sex to occur during the first meeting. This is preferable for couples who have some experience or feel comfortable with the third person

Before the threesome occurs and if it has not already, the couple should discuss issues such as ensuring both of them have the same understanding of their boundaries, how will the time be divided, how attention should be given to the third person and any feelings / issues that have come up. Taking time to do this will help mitigate any potential misunderstanding that may occur.

Once the three come together for the threesome then things should proceed as fast as the person least comfortable. Drugs should not be used, alcohol kept to a minimum, and no one should be pressured into doing anything they do not want to do. Sometimes a slow transition such as playing a game like Twister, strip-poker, or giving a massage might help to transition to the threesome.

As the threesome begins foreplay should not be rushed but enjoyed. In a MFM the female should be in control and should direct the males how she wants to be pleased. The couple should adhere to their boundaries and should not deviate from them. The first time should not try to push limits but instead keep it simple. However, the situation is causing an issue then the threesome should be stopped, with no one becoming upset, and then at a later date decide if it should be retried.

Two unfamiliar males for MFM

Open Relationship

At the surface this would imply if the female was in a relationship and the relationship is an open relationship. In such a situation this would imply either dogging or another group sex activity such as greedy-girl. The risk here is for her safety and it is ideal that her partner is there to watch in order to protect her. This could raise some issues regarding comfort and performance anxiety. However her safety is paramount to any uneasiness or anxiety that may occur.

Ideally some screen should occur either before meeting or before any sexual activity happens. Along with screening some time should be taken to speak with each male before having sex in order to relax and make them more familiar. If at any point anyone becomes uncomfortable then the activity should stop.

Non-open relationship

This can be a very dangerous situation and should be cautiously approached. Ideally the female should let someone know about her whereabouts and plan for her safety. She should avoid using any drugs and avoid any alcohol as it could put her at further risk. Also she should not do this impulsively, such as meeting two men at bar, but should do it in a controlled situation such as a swingers club that does not serve alcohol. Again, take the time to speak with both of them and only do what you are comfortable with.

Issues / Risks / Concerns

In the above section I have talked about using an online site and some of the issues that go along with using them. In this section I am not going to repeat the information above and focus on other aspects.

General

  1. In this author’s opinion this type of planning poses a bigger risk since there is limited input from your partner and much of the planning is based on your preferences. This can lead to the wrong decisions being made, the wrong person being selected, and it can open up a myriad of other issues.

    Mitigation: Keep your partner updated about your progress and ask any questions that you feel is necessary. If you feel your partner my oppose something, is uncomfortable, or might agree to something then do not assume. As an alternative, take the time to update them and ask them about their level of comfort.

  2. Expectations are not clear: Expectations define boundaries and dictate acceptable behavior. Without clear and understandable expectations it is possible misunderstandings occur. In this type of situation misunderstandings happening increase due to the lack of involvement by your significant other.

    Mitigation: Talk about expectations with your partner that covers the whole spectrum from the type of person you will search for to acceptable behavior during the threesome.

  3. Threesome does not go as planned: This may be the result of not discussing the idea to the extent that was needed or unachievable expectations were set. Also feeling such as jealousy

    Mitigation: The more discussions that occur along with some research the more likely realistic expectations can be set. If there are issues regarding insecurity or jealousy then it is important to consider if having a threesome is the right decision

  4. Task seems overwhelming and it is not progressing as expected.

    Mitigation: Talk to your partner about helping out. Try to clarify needs and expectations.

  5. If one person did all of the work then it will go smoother, quicker, and with less issues:

    Mitigation: This author believes the more the work is shared then the greater the chance the planned threesome will be successful

  6. If you are planning to have a threesome without your partner, have you discussed boundaries for the threesome, boundaries about what you will share with them, and safe-sex practices that will be followed?

    Mitigation: Without having discussions about what is being planned along with the limits to discussions and activities for the threesome then it may create a lot of problems later.

  7. I cannot stress this enough, especially if this is going to done alone, safety is the utmost consideration.

    Mitigation: Examine the situation, identify potential risks, and find ways to mitigate those risks. Also, let someone know about your whereabouts if you are going to be participating in a threesome a lone.

Fantasy versus Reality

In my opinion this type of threesome planning can lead some to believe in an erotic story threesome. Whereby a threesome is planned by one person and the two invited males ravish the female in utter delight. Also for the woman it can create the belief that she will be sexually satisfied because there will be two males there to please her, competing against each other for her attention, and she will be at the center of attention. Unfortunately reality is not always like the movies or books. Having a threesome can be quite anxiety provoking for both a man and a woman. However a male publicly shows his anxiety through his inability to maintain an erection and cumming very quickly. Plus having a threesome is fought with emotions and it can make even the most emotionally strongest become emotionally upset.

Another issue becomes planning. For some they may believe allowing one person to plan a threesome is better since it streamlines it. However a lot of input and discussion is lost thereby allowing a threesome to be planned with limited input. This can work in some situations but a lot of the time it lead to something being missed thereby creating issues.

Finally, a threesome regardless of the type, should not be seen as a panacea for problems in the relationship. I do not believe it will fix a relationship and it could make a relationship worse. However if it is a loving and stable relationship then most likely it will not damage it. It might help it by help each the couple appreciate each other and communicate better.