Tag Archives: mmm threesome

Threesome variations by country

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Threesome trends

 

Location of the United Arab Emirates

 

I am on who finds metrics, statistics of measurement, fascinating. One of the more fascinating trends I notice the vast majority of my readers come from the US with the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, and India making up the top five. The next five includes Italy, Netherlands / Holland, Germany, and South Africa. Last interesting group my top 20 countries for readers includes United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia.

 

Currently I live in the UK and in the past I have lived in the US. Based on my experience, I can understand the US interest. However I am baffled by the UK and India. Granted swingers clubs exist in the UK but I find threesome / swinging is not as popular. Instead I find long-term marriage or committed relationships are not as emphasized in the UK. In addition, I notice, there is a bit more interest in BDSM, dogging, and infidelity tends to be more prevalent. This leads me to question if many of my UK readers are US expats living in the UK. Since US expats, I believe, is the fifth largest immigrant group in the UK.

 

This brings me to readers in India and this totally “blows my mind.” I know many Indians in the UK and from a cultural perspective, none of them strike me as being remotely interested in the idea of pursuing a threesome.  At least for me, I have to question if in India the idea of threesome is equated with infidelity or if it is popular in an area of India?

 

The question I want to ask, does anyone:

 

  1. Why do you feel there are many readers from the US?
  2. Does anyone have an insight or experience with the threesome / group sex scene in the UK that might be able to shed some light on this? Is it primarily US expats or is there a genuine British interest in threesomes?
  3. Does anyone have any insight into India and why there is an interest in threesomes?
  4. Why is the topic of threesomes interest Saudis and U.A.E. U.A.E., at least my impression they are a bit more open to Western influence and do not try to restrict it as much as the Saudis. This could explain some of it but I am interested in reading what others think.

 

 

 

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What makes a couple successful

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesomes by

Bee seeks flower for intimate relationship

 

What is necessary for a successful relationship and successful threesome?

 

One of the core ingredients, I believe, is necessary for a successful threesome is a solid relationship and this is a common thread throughout this site. Defining a solid relationship is not as easy since a lot depends on religious background, cultural, political background, and socio-economic status. This makes providing a unifying definition difficult and makes the definition dependent on couple that is asking.

 

Recently a Psychology Today article made an attempt in defining the term and I believe, it positively contributes to my ongoing discussion of what makes a relationship stable enough for a threesome. With that said, there are a three minor points that I do not agree.

 

Same Bedtime

 

The first one is going to bed at the same time. Whilst I understand the point being made, I feel it neglects other issues such as health problems or work schedule that may impact bedtimes. In my opinion, this is a minor ingredient for a successful relationship and not a major ingredient.

 

Common Interests

 

Second is sharing common interests. Without developing common interests a relationship, I believe, is destined to fail. However the article neglects to mention how much of a common interest a couple should share, what definition of common interest the author is using, and to what emotional level that interest should be shared. Without more discussion from the author I believe this interest is pointless.

 

10 points too superficial

 

Finally I believe, the 10 points raised are very closely related and do not dwell deep enough for the article to be meaningful. Nonetheless point four regarding forgiveness and point five focusing on what your partner does right, highlight the author is heading on the right direction for this article. I believe if the author was focusing on deeper points about relationships then this article would be much more meaningful.

 

Finally

 

I believe this article is a good guide on some of the more superficial aspects that a relationship needs to be successful and it provides limited insight into what a couple should be doing if they are considering a threesome.

 

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Profile of swingers

Posted in Threesome opinions by

I found this to be a very interesting article regarding swingers. It also contains stats and a link to another article. Overall I think it does a good job with the topic.

My question for those who follow me, do you agree agree with the statements in the article? Do you have different experiences?

EroticZeitgeist

I have already written a blog about the profile of swingers. But Dr. Edward Fernandez presented his latest research on the subject on the Annual Alternative Sexualities Conference in San Francisco September 2013 and I will give you the main points from his studies as well.

Swingers are people who live in an emotional monogamous relationship but who have consensual sex with other people than their partner. Facts on swingers:

musical_faces–          About 70% are between 25 and 55 years old. Women are a bit younger than the men.

–          Many women are either bisexual or bi-curious

–          85% are either married or cohabiting with a partner

–          Twice as many women (14%) as men (7%) report swinging on a weekly basis

–          Swingers have a higher average education level than the population in general

–          Swingers represents all walk of life both in term of job types and political…

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Perception and cheating

Posted in Relationships, Threesome Articles by other authors by

updatedHow do we define cheating?

An interesting article in the April 2013 Journal of Evolutionary Psychology concerning perception of cheating. They found the more intimate a behavior the more likely it is to be perceived as cheating.

The application of this article to threesomes is twofold. First it addresses the underlying behavior that leads to defining an activity as cheating. This can be important for a couple who is exploring the idea and working to understand how they define cheating. Second, it helps with the understanding if a boundary is violated, the type of behavior that may lead to the other feeling as though cheating has occurred.

Finally this article is an academic paper that may not be for everyone. However if you enjoy reading research into sexual practices then this may be something worth reading. To access the article you will need to click on the link and scroll to the bottom of the page then click on the .pdf link for the article.

Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?

Posted in Threesome Articles by other authors by

Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?.

via Can Polyamory Save A Relationship (and Other Conundrums)?.

An excellent article for those who are interested threesomes in a long-term polyamorous relationship or learning more about it.

Does introducing a thrid person positively or negatively impact a relationship?

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions by

IMG_8702Threesome Impact on Relationships

Introduction

Imagine having a crystal ball with the ability to see into the future or having a software program that can accurately predict if a planned threesome will be successful. As humans wanting to know the outcome before it happens helps us make decisions and helps us decide if the risk is worth taking. However, having a threesome involves a lot of unknown factors and much depends on the choice of the third person. So how do you know if introducing a third person will positively or negatively impact a relationship? Until a crystal ball is developed or a software programs is written that can predict the impact of a third person on a relationship there is no way of knowing. Instead the best that can be done is understanding the dynamics involved.

The Couple – can they cope with change

The impact of introducing a third on a couple’s relationship depends a lot dynamics of the couple and how they react to change. Introducing a third person, even as a one-off situation, will forever change the couple and once a threesome occurs it cannot be undone. Therefore the question a couple must ask themselves, are they ready for the change?

What type of change will they face? It is not possible to know every permutation of a threesome situation and talk about every possible change. Instead the most likely changes will include how the relate to each other, how they react to the feelings they experience, and how they perceive the threesome experience. This means the impact of introducing a third person will depend on each of them as individuals, how they cope with having a threesome and collectively as a couple. It means the change to the relationship may not be good and the impact, short-term or long-term, maybe the relationship is adversely impacted. How the couple copes with adversity will determine if the relationship is able to make it through or not.

The Third Person – Is Compatibility is better than availability

If given a hypothetical choice between receiving $100 (£100) now or $1,000 (£1,000) six months from now, which would you choose? Would you go for the immediate reward or the delayed reward? The above question demonstrates how we, sometimes, make decisions. Sometimes we choose the immediate reward because of its availability instead of delaying of it for a bigger reward later. This type of decision making is readily seen when choosing a third person for a threesome. Sometimes the choice is made because of availability instead of compatibility.

So why is compatibility important? If the choice is made due to availability then it implies there was some form of compromise. There is nothing wrong with compromise provided the compromise does involve giving up core beliefs / boundaries about having a threesome. If core beliefs / boundaries are given up it can lead to feelings such as anger, resentment, and finding ways to sabotage the threesome. This can only lead to problems later in the relationship.

So, the solution is finding someone that is compatible. Compatibility in the context of a threesome does not necessarily mean someone that shares common interests and someone where a bond is shared. Instead it means someone where there is enough of an interest, commonality, and at least a physical attraction by each member of the threesome to allow the threesome to occur.

Does finding someone that is compatible means the threesome will be free from issues? Definitely no, but it does mean the chance an issue will arise is less since the selected person meets the needs of the couple.

The Unknown – Learning to anticipate possible outcomes

Planning a threesome means being able to understand the unknown, anything that is not expected that can have an impact, by planning for it. So how do you prepare for the unknown? There is no way to prepare for every eventuality but understanding some of the challenges that may be faced will help in the preparation. This could be issues like jealousy, anger, developing feelings, or safety. It could issues such as location, your partner’s weaknesses, or past issues. In essence, it is trying to visualize the threesome based on what is being planned along with understanding your history as a couple.

Conclusion

In answer to the question, will introducing a third person into the relationship have a positive or negative impact? The answer is simply it is not possible to know. The best that can be done is looking inside yourself, assessing the relationship, and assessing the third person selected, then asking do I believe a threesome will work? If you believe it will work then it is important to accept the decision, work towards making the threesome as enjoyable as possible and accept that the relationship will change. Should you, as a couple, be able to adapt to change and work through any adversity then it is reasonable in expecting that the threesome will have a positive impact on the relationship.

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Jealousy and threesomes

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships by

English: The Jealousy of Darnley

Jealousy and Cheating: Monogamy versus Non-Monogamous Relationships

After the give and take involved in agreeing to explore the idea of having a threesome the real work begins. Discussing the idea in detail gives birth to the reality of having a threesome. At some during the discussion two issues are likely to comes up.

Jealousy

First is the issue is jealousy. This author believes jealousy, in the narrow context of a threesome, results from feeling the relationship is under threat and the need to protect it. Jealousy can be a warning mechanism alerting the individual that something needs to be done or it can be something that destroys a relationship if the treat is imaginary. Being able to differentiate between a real threat to the relationship, a perceived threat, or an imaginary threat is not always easy due to the emotions involved.

Fear of Cheating

Second issue involves the topic of cheating and how the couple defines the term in the context of considering a threesome. Being able to define cheating for a couple’s relationship is paramount to a workable threesome.

In answer to the above issue, there is a good general article on jealousy and cheating. This article presents research into the topic of swinging, jealousy, and cheating. However, it does not provide a model on how to address the issues and instead examines the issues from a topical perspective.

This is a great article for anyone who enjoys reading research into the topic and it is written at a very easy to read level. Therefore, I will encourage everyone to read this article and learn more about these topics.

Regarding cheating in open, non-monogamous, relationships. This is something that is defined by the boundaries the couple has established and for the most part the issue of cheating has been eliminated by opening up the relationship. However, the issue of jealousy still remains. Jealousy happens in many forms such as feeling as though not enough time is being spent together, not being special, or having to deal with someone else in the relationship. In this author’s opinion, jealousy in open relationships, not the type of relationship, is a major cause for open relationships not working.

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How do you know if someone is interested?

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

Deveria16Introduction

How do you know if someone is interested in a threesome? Has there ever been a time you thought someone might be a good choice for a threesome but did not know if you were reading their cue correctly?

The easiest way is to ask them but if you feel there is too much to risk then looking for clues might indicate their receptiveness. Looking for clues about their receptiveness to a threesome is not science and at best it will give you some indication. This means looking for cues will help in determining the probability they are interested and there is room for error, which means you may be wrong. So before asking someone if they are interested in having a threesome, weigh the risks and determine how much of a risk you are willing to take by asking them.

For the rest of the blog this author will discuss some areas to examine. Please note this is done at a very high-level in order to provide a very basic guide. At this point going into a very detailed discussion would involve writing this in multiple parts and defeating the purpose of the very simple guide.

Possible signs of interest

1) Is there flirting occurring?  Some people are very social and quite flirtatious, which means this is not a good indicator. However, if flirting is something is new then it could indicate there is openness to the idea.

2) Also, what is their eye-contact and body language like? Are they being receptive and making eye contact? If they are then it could be a sign they are interested, especially if there are other signs too.

3) How do you feel when they are around you, as a couple?  Do both of you feel comfortable with them? Is there an attraction at some level? Do either of you perceive them as a threat to your relationship? Is there something inside that say, “they are not a good choice,” or makes you feel uncomfortable? If so then you should consider those feelings as they may be an indicator they are not a good choice.

4) How does the potential third person act around the two of you? Do they show a strong preference for one of you? If they do then it could be sign of a potential problem. Do they communicate with the both of you? Meaning, do they show resentment if one of you says something to them or is only one of you able to speak to them? Again, if they are resisting anything that is asked then it could be a sign they are not a good choice for a threesome due to the fact they may not follow requested boundaries.

5) Are they shy, “soft-spoken”, or introverted? Person who is not social and confident may not always state their needs. In a threesome situation discussing needs and feelings is important to avoid injury. Without being comfortable enough to discuss them then there is potential for issues later.

6) How well do you know them? Have you spoken about different sexual practices? Has a discussion about relationships, cheating, and sex occurred? In this author’s opinion you do not need to know everything about their life but knowing about their attitudes can help. In additional, if you know them well then your relationship with them may make being objective difficult.

7) If they have mentioned they have an interest in a threesome, what type of threesome situation do they want and how does it compare to what you want? The greater the difference the more likely it may be a situation that does not work.

8) What is their relationship status? A married individual or someone in a relationship carries a lot of risk. If you select someone who is either married or in a relationship be prepared for issues that come up with them and be prepared to assume the risk their partner may find out. Should you find yourself in a situation where they claim their partner knows then speak face-to-face with their partner before agreeing to anything.

9) What is their tone of voice? Is it warm and friendly? A warm friendly and relaxed tone could indicate they are relaxed with you thereby indicating a possible interest.

10) What is their occupation and education? This is at best a very broad indicator regarding their ability to be detached and their free time. Educated people, very generally speaking, tend to understand choices and can be better at communicating their needs. It can mean, an educated person, is easier to speak with thereby making the decision easier. It can also serve as a very broad indicator for their reason for wanting a threesome (e.g. a business person who travels a lot or senior manager may not have time for a relationship).

11) Have any of you been drinking or doing drugs? Drinking, drugs, and threesomes do not mix. Discussing a threesome when drinking or doing drugs, including cannabis, is a very good sign that the discussion should occur when all of you are sober.

12) Is there indication of issues? If there signs of issues such as:

  • Marital issues
  • Recent death of a close member of the family or friend
  • Major surgery
  • Recent move
  • Any other major life events

these could be signs the interest is more due to the stress of recent events then a true interest in have a threesome.

Finally

Knowing if someone is interested in having a threesome is more of an art than a science. It involves looking for cues and then using those cues to determine if the person might be receptive to the idea of having a threesome. Looking for cues is risky since overlooking cues that indicate that they are not interested is possible. Therefore before asking anyone about joining a threesome, ask yourself what is the risk of asking them and are you prepared to take the risk?

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The Dilemmas of Extramarital Sex

Posted in Threesome opinions by

A good and thought provoking blog. Hopefully some of my readers will reply to the questions.