We All Follow a Different Path


Fendi06

Intro

After reading this article I began thinking. At first it confirmed a lot, what I believed, about the route to a threesomes. However, the more I thought about it I began realising there is another step before starting the journey of having a threesome and it is the journey to arrive at having a threesome. As I thought about it, I realized two important points. First point, I believe, there are common drivers that brings a couple or individual to have a threesome. Second point, I believe, the rate each person progresses from having thinking about the idea to actually having one is different. Then as I began writing this article, I realised, the length of the journey each is influenced by their driving influence for the journey. In this article I will explore each of these points.

Journey’s First Steps

Intro

Each journey begins with a reason to start. For each couple or individual the reason may appear unique to them; however, I believe, there are some common reasons that I will explore in this section. Each section contains a description of the length of journey. This refers to how long the interest in having a threesome lasts once the first threesome occurs and this means it does not mean how long it takes from initial discussion to have a threesome.

Journey Reasons

Different / Curiosity (Journey length: short)

Curiosity is a good driver for a journey but it is not always a solid guide. Sometimes friends share their threesome experience, we read about a threesome experience that gets us aroused, or the idea intrigues us. Regardless of the reason, we are all intrigued by things that things that spark our interest that make us want to explore and with threesomes getting more positive media attention, it is no wonder more interest is sparked. However, having an interest does not mean you have a map and it may mean driving in the dark. This can lead to unnecessary detours, collisions, and wrong-turns along the way. For some they may get lost along away and others may lose interest, especially if they do not have clear directions or some other reason to continue on their journey. At least for me I see a couple / individual under this heading as having it on their bucket list of to do and unless there is a strong interest to continue, once the novelty wears off then it is likely the couple / individual will stop having a threesome.

Meets a need (Journey length: can be either short or long)

For this article I am not going to get into the discussion if humans are meant to be monogamous. Instead this means, everyone of us has a need and sometime having a threesome can meet that need. In this situation, I am not talking about using a threesome to prevent cheating or using a threesome to fix something in the relationship. .Need, in this context, means a sexual need that one person cannot fulfil. Such situations can include a busy individual who does not have time for a relationship due to commitments, someone who has had previous open relationships, or someone who is in relationship that is either bisexual or gay. This means having a threesome has some function in the relationship in order to maintain it and to allow it to grow.

Organic Growth / Relationship Development (Journey length: can be short or long)

This is different than curiosity in the sense that curiosity has an element of randomness, impulsivity, and uncertainty. Whereas organic growth implies a threesome that comes about due to the relationship developing and it being the next step in the relationship. Normally, I feel, this tends to be seen in couples that have been around a while and have been building up to this point through their exploration together.

Pressure / Coercion / Manipulation (Couples only – Journey length: typically short)

Generally speaking a threesome should only happen, this author believes, where there is an equal distribution of power in the relationship and the relationship is stable. Under this heading the threesome journey comes about due to balance in the relationship favouring one person over another to the point where they can exert influence to produce the result that they want. Usually these threesomes tend to be short term due to problems in the relationship.

Misunderstanding / Fallacy (Journey length: typically short)

This is a catch-all category for those who believe that by having a threesome it will solve a problem, such as lack of interest, or it is a quick way to get ‘laid.’ In this situation the individual or couple will approach the threesome based on that fallacy only to discover it is not the panacea that they were expecting.

Impulsivity (Journey length: typically short)

This is another catch-all category for decision made while drunk, high, or made on the spur of the moment. Impulsivity happens when a decision to have a threesome is made very quickly, without allot of information, and it can be a risky situation.

Infidelity (Couples only – Journey length short or long)

After an act of infidelity occurs sometimes a couple will choose to have a threesome. The reason for wanting a threesome may be the result, after some healing, a realization a need was not being met, the idea of their partner being with someone else is arousing to them, or it could a way of healing by coming to terms with what happened.

Speed

Intro

This section may be a bit misleading since it refers to the route that is taken in having a threesome rather than the time it takes from initial to discussion to actually having the threesome.

Baby Steps

Baby steps refers to talking small calculated steps in having a threesome. A route could be discussion > role playing > soft-swinging > threesome. It may be taken by couple / individual that needs to get comfortable with the idea and takes gradual step in order to reach their goal of having a threesome.

Discussion

A lot of discussions about the subject occurs before any definitive steps are taken.

‘Diving into the Deep End’

Very little discussion occurs before the threesome happens.

Why we should not always believe what we read about threesomes


English: Fargo Civic Center, Fargo, North Dako...

Almost every day, shortly after I sign into my WordPress account I will read the new articles under the keywords for my Reader. Under one of my keywords I see several articles with attention grabbing headlines about a threesome going tragically wrong and I thought there has to be more to the story than attention grabbing headlines? I was right, as I read them one thing became clearly each article was focusing one aspect of the story.

In my writings there are two areas that tend to be re-ocurring themes the first is having a threesome with a ‘clear head.’ Meaning having a threesome when you have been drinking or doing drugs can lead to problems. I believe these articles is a good of example of that.

Another area is how the media portrays threesomes by selecting the most salacious bits in order to get readers without presenting the whole story thereby leading to a biased view of threesomes. Below are two articles when read separately presents a very scary picture of having a threesome but when read together, I believe, presents a very different story.

First article, based on the below article, appears to neglect the fact the two met in prison. As a reader knowing they met in prison explains a lot of their behavior and if the article mentioned they met in prison it would suggest the stabbing had more to do with their past than a threesome going bad. Likewise this article , based on the above article, neglects both men were drinking. The fact they were drinking suggests the reason for the threesome going bad was in part being fueled by drinking when combined with both of them having a criminal past.

When both articles are read together a more complete picture develops. From my perspective, the reason for the threesome going wrong had more to do with their past and the fact they were drinking than with having a threesome. Nonetheless the story is a good reminder of the potential problems drinking or drugs can pose when combined with having a threesome. Along with reminding us that there is more to a threesome story than what is being reported or discussed.

Polysingleish Interviews Franklin Veaux, Part 2: Sex and Boundaries


An excellent interview that is worth the time to read. I found it insightful and educational. It is a good article for anyone what to understand more about ‘poly’ relationships or more about alternative sexual practices.

 

Polysingleish Interviews Franklin Veaux, Part 2: Sex and Boundaries.

via Polysingleish Interviews Franklin Veaux, Part 2: Sex and Boundaries.

Canadian study on sex and threesomes


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As an author I am interested in information that objectively looks at sex and threesomes. Surveys are a great way to ask questions, to methodically get information and to report it in consistent way. It gives a snapshot of a population at a particular point in time and it provides an excellent resource for comparison.

A drawback to a survey is a question asked can be influenced by the personal views of the person drafting the questions, people selected may not be representative of the population and generalizations may not always be possible. Meaning, the results reported may not be a true representation of the overall population. Nonetheless this study, in particular, is interesting because the threesome rate for Canadians is higher than Americans and the number of partners Canadian women have, in some instances, exceeds males.

This is a quick read and hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did.

Analysis of open relationship study


English: A schematic showing the monogamy rela...

 

As stated in my previous blog, this author may due some analysis of an interesting study regarding open relationship. For those of you may not have read the previous blog regarding this interview study, it is a small study involving 86 gay male couples in a long-term open relationship and secure enough to discuss how the dealt with being in this type of relationship. Many came from San Francisco and California with the remainder coming from either large metropolitan states (e.g. NY or IL) or internationally.

 

The study primarily focused on how they dealt with managing their relationship from the start of discussing opening it through how it is maintained. It goes on to examine what non-monogamy looks like, the boundaries involved, and the impact it has.

 

Like any study it has limitations. Granted ethical considerations can limit the research being done, especially when it comes to sex. In addition the small sample size and limited geographical representation tends to represent open relationships in more metropolitan areas while under representing the issues couples, in open relationships face in suburban or rural areas. The fact this study examines gay male couples is not a major limitation, this author feels, since open relationships are common with gay males it offers generalizations that can be made about open relationships for heterosexual and lesbian couples.

 

The strength of this study lies in its examination of the boundaries and defining what is non-monogamy. By defining non-monogamy it covers all types of threesomes such as cuckolding, friends with benefits, threesomes and poly relationships thereby making it easier to generalize to non-gay open relationships.

 

Nonetheless, the when reading the article it becomes apparent the author interchangeably uses the words open relationship and non-monogamy. There are some like this author who feel there is a distinction between the two. This author believes the degree to which emotional monogamy exists in the relationship along with the context of the agreed sex outside of the relationship defines if the relationship is open. Likewise, the degree to which non-monogamy exists is defined by the degree to which physical and emotional monogamy exists in the relationship. Since this article deals with gay couples in an open relationship then the two terms most likely can be used interchangeably; however, a limitation of this article is the fact the author did not define the terms from the beginning and for some it can create confusion that the two different words mean the same.

 

Another strength of this article is the use of statistics and the use of participants’ answers to support points raised. For example the authors, at the beginning, talk about opening up the relationship. It provides statistics for how long it took to open the relationship and then drew on some of the comments made to further support their statements.

 

A third strength of this article is the time it devotes to boundaries and the extent involvement occurs. The section on boundaries specifically relates to gay couples in an open relationship, it can provide heterosexual couples who are struggling with the concept of boundaries insight on boundaries. Likewise the section regarding involvement. It is a detailed section that is well worth reading since it can provide insight for non-gay couples wanting to learn more about the risks of emotional involvement.

 

Overall the article is constructed in a very logical and understandable way. The one area, for future research, should be is how the couples arrived at the decision to open up the relationship. Granted the authors states there is no road map to non-monogamy but does not support the claim, to the extent they do with other parts of the article. There is some mention about how the open relationship started but not the events leading up to that point.

 

Another area for consideration is a comparison of heterosexual couples with gay male and lesbian couples who are in an open relationship. By doing this, it will help others to understand some of the common principles that underpin an open relationship. Likewise those who struggle with being in an open relationship versus those who are secure with it. While there are some limitations to this article, this author feels there is useful information for anyone wanting to further understand open relationships.