Why you can never go back


IMG_8531

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
  • Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
  • Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
  • Feelings toward your spouse
  • How each of you relate to the other
  • You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
  • Feelings develop for the third person
  • They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
  • Other changes including though not limited to:
    • Increase in sex drive
    • Decrease in sex drive
    • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Why Couples Choose Cuckolding

Easing into wife sharing

25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

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How to make a fantasy come true: My interview with Erika Foxx


Today, I am announcing my first author interview with erotic author Erika Foxx. Some may know her as the author of such books as a Behind Him All the WayWaking Up Book 1: Dex and Tasia’s Erotic Adventures. or the timeless classic Taste for Kyle. I cannot be any happier since the interview comes a few weeks before the holidays and it gives my readers a chance to buy themselves something special or help to cut down their shopping list of gifts to buy. Even if you do not buy a book it is a great opportunity to learn more about an author who writes about making sexual fantasies coming true.

As for my reason for doing this interview, I feel, Erika Foxx is a talented author whose writing interest is very similar to the topics on this site and I feel Taste for Kyle, Taste for Jackson and Taste for Four are stories that go the heart of topics here. I believe, by doing this interview it will help my readers discover the world of erotic literature and what better way to ease into the conversation of having a threesome then by giving a book?

When will this interview occur? The interview will go live on 6 December 2014 shortly after midnight GMT or shortly after 16:00 Pacific Time on Friday 5 December 2014 in the United States.

If there is a question you want to ask Erika Foxx please use the below form. Otherwise I hope to see you here where the interview goes live.

First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)


Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 19 May 2014


IMG_6831Intro

Another week is upon us and time for another list of 10 articles or stories you might have missed. This week there is a lot of variety including stories and information on polyamory.

Highlights

Polyamory Without Rules = Chaos is a well written and insightful article regarding the need for couples who have polyamorous relationships to establish boundaries. Even though the article focuses on polyamorous relationships the article is applicable to any couple desiring a threesome, cuckold, open relationship or foursome.

Power Play and Passion: Consent in the Kink Community is a very well written thought provoking that transcends the topic of sex and touches who we are as people? At the core of the article it asks the question, how much do we have to emotionally detach from people to have sex? Do we have to detach so much that we dehumanize the experience and see those with whom we have sex with as objects instead of humans?

On Cloud 9 and Script for a Threesome are two good stories worth reading.

1) Quad Weekend by Krystalla

2) Polyamaory Without Rules = Chaos? by Loving Without Boundaries

3) Safe Sex and Open Relationships: You Can Have your Cake and eat it too by Dancetinyfox

4) Power Play and Passion: Consent in the Kink Community by Polysingleish

5) Chapter 2 Michelle’s Journey of Becoming a Hot Wife by Threesomes and Variations

6) A Fantasy Shared by Cummins Girl

7) Script for a Threesome Will I be So Lucky? by Libido Bootcamp

8) Who is Better by Kinky Tiger

9) Poly Is Poly Isn’t by Diary of a Sadist

10) On Cloud 9 by Sublifedelight

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

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Chapter 2 Michelle’s journey of becoming a hot wife


IMG_8709 updatedChapter 2

After four hours on the road and sex we are exhausted. We did not want the chaos, noise and screaming children that comes with a buffet. In some ways a buffet restaurant is like a war zone navigating children running in the restaurant, screaming children sounding like incoming bombs, and customers that will take your life in order to get the last homemade bun on the island. Instead we chose a nice quaint and quiet restaurant in the hotel that afforded us a level of privacy.

Quietly while looking into Michelle’s eyes, “I am beginning to have doubts about your plan… I mean it made me really horny but I do not know if I can go through with it.” In the dimly lit room I can see her smile fade and her jaw drop.

Taking a drink from her water glass she holds it in her hand while trying to keep her voice low but sounding upset, “I am not doing this for you! I am doing it for me!” slamming the glass on the table. Yelling very quietly, “Do you think it is enjoyable to have the same cock in for all these years? Do you think maybe… just maybe I want more?”

Looking around it does not appear anyone heard her. Feeling as though my life is imploding I look at her seeing her angry and hurt face. In an attempt to bring enjoyment back to our vacation, “Look I am not saying I am against it. All I am saying I am having my doubts. It is not a slam against you. Like anyone who is facing the spouse having sex with someone else, there always will be doubts.”

“I have not had a lot experience with other men and sometimes I question if I should have a few more experiences before marrying. Now, we are in Vegas and I want to let my hair down. It is nothing personal against you. It is something that I am going to do and I ask you support me.”

Not much else was said during supper and as we are finishing our dessert Michelle looks at me, “I am going for a walk alone after supper. Keep your phone on.”

She left. I sat there ordering a glass of red wine and as I sipped on the wine I feel my phone vibrating. Taking the phone out of my pocket I see I have a text from here, “Guess what I am doing?”

My heart races, experiencing sheer joy to anger before questioning how to respond. I know, deep-down, what she is doing but the question is how do I approach it. If I come across uninterested it will upset her and if I am playful then I will get hundreds of text messages from her. It is all a part of her game.

So I decide to respond, “I am sitting in the restaurant having a glass of wine. What are you doing?”

“Do not wait up for me, I am sitting here with Robert and a few of his friends.”

“Have fun” I text back to her.

After another glass of wine I head back to the room. I am in the room for about an hour and have not heard anything from Michelle. Then I hear my phone receiving texts from Michelle. Looking at the phone I see are a few texts with photos in them. The first says, “I hope you enjoy” followed by several photos of her with guys in various states of being undressed. One shows her topless kneeling in front of a guy pulling off his pants. Another one show her laying naked on a table with three naked guys standing around her. Final photo shows a guy fucking her while she is sucking another guy and her stroking an erect cock of a third. After receiving the last photo text the message said “see you soon.”

When I first saw them I felt emotionally number, not knowing how to respond. Then my heart began racing, my penis became quite erect, and I could barely contain myself. A few moments ago I felt tired but now I am quite awake. It was about another 15 minutes before Michelle walk through the door looking disheveled.

“Do you want to know what happened?”

“Yes, I am quite horny and want to hear about your night.”

Walking to the bathroom she being undressing and fills the bath. “After leaving the restaurant I went to the casino playing the slots. Robert sits next to me talking me up. I enjoy it and talk some more. Then he mentions a few of his friends are having a party in his room and if I would like to join them. ”

Pausing to test the water of bath she adjusts it a bit to make it warmer. At that point I can smell sex on her. It is a very musky smell combining with a smell of rotting cheese. “We are in the room and they give me a glass of wine. We are all talking and laughing. Then one of them asks me if I would give him a blow job. I am not sure. However we are all having a good time and I figure why not. So I take my top off, kneel in front of him, pulling down his pants. It is a big cock, about 9″ and I start sucking him.

The other guys start undressing and they undress me too. Soon we are all naked. At that point seeing all of the naked men around me and getting horny at the site of me, I feel as though I want to fuck them all. So I crawl on to the table letting him one have their turn with me. It was incredible.”

Hearing her describe the scene to me even made me more horny. “Are you mad?” asking with a sullen tone in her voice and sadness across her face.

“No, I want to fuck you when you are done with your bath.”

Series

Chapter 1

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5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries


londonIntro

What is the biggest mistake someone who never had a threesome can make? Besides pressuring your spouse to have a threesome, in my opinion it is not having boundaries.

From my first threesome with my wife, we had a few very simple boundaries:

  • One-off
  • No contact afterwards
  • We agree to have a threesome is a mutual decision and we will not use it against the other at a later date
  • With the other invited male, we agreed it would be a straight threesome with no contact between the men.

The boundary about being a mutual decision and accepting that we will not use it against the other, I believe, is the one that has helped us the most. Since it is the boundary that took the power away from any potential conflict arising from the decision.

Unfortunately some who have a threesome for the first time, approach it ‘starry eyed,’ wanting their spouse to freely enjoy the threesome without limits. Only to find, as she passionately kisses her new-found lover before he ‘goes down’ on her before burying his head in her wet pussy that is craving his long hard cock, and fearing their relationship is about to end. At that fearful moment having the epiphany that having a few simple boundaries might have helped him reduce some of his concerns and allow him to enjoy the threesome.

So how do you set up boundaries?

1) Should be Clear

‘Over Engineering’ a boundary accounting for every potential event does not need to occur. Instead a boundary should have the same understanding for all involved. If the a boundary is no oral sex then everyone understand what makes up oral sex. Instead of assuming everyone has the same definition of oral sex.

2) Should not conflict with other boundaries

A boundary should give security about the extent an activity will occur and it should not conflict with another boundary. If there is a conflict between boundaries then it is likely a boundary will be violated leading to, at least, lack of enjoyment and at its worse the end of the relationship.

3) Limit the number of boundaries

Writing a laundry list of boundaries increases the chance some will be forgotten or even worse, ignored. Ideally try to keep the boundaries somewhere between 3 to 7. A boundary need to be broad enough to cover most situations and clear enough that everyone understands the expectation.

4) Periodically review them

Over time people and needs change. As you become more comfortable with cuckolding, having a threesome, or polyamory you will find there is less of a need for rigid boundaries. Nonetheless there will still be a need for some type of boundary and a boundary can change to meet the changing needs of your relationship.

5) Accept responsibility

Having a threesome is a decision made by three consenting adults who have an equal voice. The only person that can decide to go forward to have a threesome is yourself. If you discuss boundaries then take responsibility for the discussion and any later agreement that is made about them.