Questions regarding overcoming resistance to threesome


how do you enjoy her If my partner says “no” to a threesome then it means they are not interested? There are numerous reasons as to why your partner may say no to a threesome. This author feels, if they say “no” then it is a good idea not to approach the topic again for at least another year; during this time work at improving your relationship with them and improving your communication with them. It may be they need time in processing the request for a threesome. The absolute worst thing you can do at this point is use coercion, pressure, or manipulation to pressure them into having a threesome. My partner is sending me “mixed messages” about having a threesome; does this mean they want it? Intellectually they like the idea but feel they could not go through with it. Alternatively, it could be a situation where you are noticing very small inconsistencies and their statement has not fundamentally changed. Until you speak with them you will not know what is occurring with them. We get close meeting someone and then at the last moment my partner changes their mind, why? There are many reasons for this. It could be they like the idea of a threesome as a fantasy but struggles with going through with it. Sometimes giving them time will work or it may be they are not able to go through with it. If they are not able to go through with it then love them for whom they are, not what they can give you. How do I convince my partner to have a threesome? There is no way you can convince your partner to have a threesome. The best you can do is, communicate with them about the idea, work on your relationship, and sometimes giving it enough time might lead to a change in feelings. What is meant by giving the idea time? Time can work wonders if used correctly. Sometimes when the idea of having a threesome is discussed the information is too much and the person need time to process it. Processing it can take a while since it may mean thinking about their feelings about the subject and resolving it against their relationship. Also, as we get older and have more experiences, sometimes our attitudes change leading to changes in beliefs. This means even though your partner may say “no” now there is a small chance in a while they might change their feelings. If my partner ultimately says “no” to a threesome then I should seek one myself? By seeking a threesome without your partner is, under most definitions, considered cheating. Other couples tend to want their threesome uncomplicated and without the risk someone will come after them due to their choice. Therefore, the answer to the question is “no.”

Overcoming resistance to the idea of a threesome


Fendi06

It is easy to search on the Internet the topic overcoming resistance to a threesome and find thousands of articles on the topic. Some will claim to have the secret formula while others will present other solutions such submissive training. In this author’s opinion none of them work and this author believes there is another approach. This approach involves using time to your advantage, building the relationship, and communication.

Before preceding this author does not claim it will lead to success but feels it can work in lowering the resistance to the idea thereby making the chance a threesome will occur more likely. The first aspect is time and this author feels it is analogous to a journey. In a journey the path is not always clear, sometimes detours need to be made and sometimes taking a rest is needed. Time can work wonders if the individual is allowed to think about having a threesome, process the information and has the opportunity to ask questions even though their reaction may have been quite negative. For time to work the individual must be allowed to think about it for a period of months or years before the subject is brought up again. Pushing the idea can create further resistance thereby lowering the chance a threesome will occur and build resentment to the idea. If time is used correctly, by allowing the discussion to occur over months or years, then it should help in lowering the resistance to the idea.

Next aspect is building the relationship and this can occur while the individual thinks about the idea. Building the relationship goes beyond flowers and doing romantic things. At its core it is about working with your partner in building a secure and loving relationship. This means working at resolving issues, finding ways to make them feel secure in their relationship with you, and finding ways to relate to them. An example might be ensuring that you make time for them each week by doing something together such as going out for supper or finding an activity to do together. Also it means finding ways to improve the way the two of you communicate.

Last aspect is communication. Bringing up the idea of a threesome indicates there is a reason for wanting it. Communication in this context means finding ways to talk about the reason for wanting a threesome before it leads to conflict and being able to articulate the reason. Also it means trying to find, non-threatening ways to talk about threesomes, relationships, and sexual needs. This means finding a way to open up the discussion about threesomes and have the discussion about what it means for each person.  In essence communication means discussing the larger issue of sex, your relationship with each other and what it will mean for the relationship.

The above approach does not guarantee a threesome will occur but it should help in bringing forward the discussion about having a threesome. Furthermore the unique approach involves using time as an advantage and using it to discuss the idea at regular intervals. By starting the discussion about having a threesome is the first step to a threesome and if, as a couple, this discussion is fruitful then it will lead to the next step in the threesome process. Even if the discussions are not productive it is this author’s hope the discussions led to a securer relationship that is happier. Finally a relationship is not about what each other is willing to give the other but the unique qualities that each possess that makes the relationship special.

6 characteristics of successful couples


Kama Sutra Illustration

What relationship characteristics can mean a successful threesome is possible?

If someone asks me, what needs to be present in a relationship in order to have a successful threesome? My response will be planning and having the needed characteristics. Anyone can plan a threesome but having the needed characteristics helps. Characteristics mean those intangible qualities the couple has that can help them in having a successful threesome. It goes without saying there are two parts to a couple, each individual and how each individual interacts with the other that allows them to function as a couple. For this discussion the focus will be on the latter.

Characteristic #1: Gregarious

It is my feeling the couple needs to have at least six characteristics and the first one being gregarious. This means the couple is extroverted or sociable.  Without being gregarious a couple may find they miss certain cues, may find it is difficult to attract a third person and it may mean they find themselves in situations that they would prefer did not occur. Also they may find, with the third person that they hit resistance since they lack the social skills to more things forward and lack the awareness of certain cues being present.  This may cause the couple to worry about if they are going to offend the third person and may cause them to be overly cautious in their approach. With that said, it does not mean a couple that is not extroverted cannot have a threesome but it does mean, without the necessary social skills building the necessary rapport with the third person is difficult thereby leading to frustration in their journey to have a threesome.

Characteristic #2: Effective Communicators

Next characteristic is effective communication. All of us claim to be good communicators but being good does not mean being effective. Effective communication means being able to communicate your needs, having those needs understood and then being able to have those needs met. This means being able to meet your needs without using threats, coercion, or manipulation. Instead it means talking about needs, negotiating to meet them and if a misunderstanding develops then talking through the issue in order to find a solution.

Normally this involves trusting the other individual and having mutual respect for each other. By having effective communication it means each individual in the relationship will have their needs met. However, without effective communication a threesome may leave some feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated due to the lack of communication.

Characteristic #3: Teamwork

Third characteristic is a couple who approaches having a threesome as a team endeavor.  Simply put, it is a couple who shares the responsibility for planning the threesome and discusses it.  They communicate with each other about their progress, support each other, and discuss issues as they occur. Essentially they supporting each other as they work towards their common goal of having a threesome.

Characteristic #4: Stable, Satisfying Relationship

Fourth characteristic is a couple free from any noticeable issues.  The couple themselves may not be aware but if there is an underlying issue it can impact how they interact and how others perceive them. It is important the couple shares other interests and have a variety of ways they can connect emotionally. This will be something the third person will notice and can influence their decision to participate. If there are any issues they should be resolved before searching for a third person.

Characteristic #5: At Least 2 Years Together

Fifth characteristic is history together. Ideally, this author feels, a couple should have 2 – 5 years together before having a threesome. This allows enough time for the couple to work through a few issues, go through some “difficult times,” and develop their communication skills. Also, it allows them time to develop their identity as a couple and learn about each other, thereby lowering the chance that something will be misunderstood.

Characteristic #6: Separating sex from love

Final characteristic involves understanding sex can be a part of loving someone but at the same understanding that having sex does not equate to love. The latter is a challenge. Since the social message for a woman if she has sex for pleasure and has sex with someone who is not her husband then she is ‘slutty.’ Also, having sex for pleasure, bring up feelings of guilt because experiencing sex for pleasure goes against our earliest teaching and learning it is okay to have sex without having an emotional attachment is okay. Finally the challenge for a couple that is successful at having a threesome is being able to practice having sex with someone else does not mean relationship abandonment. This is probably the biggest hurdle and a hurdle that causes a lot of problems for couples. It can bring up feelings of anger, jealousy, and abandonment. In many cases these feelings are based on personal insecurity and not what is really happening in the threesome journey.

Conclusion

It is relatively easy to understand sex does not necessarily equals love but it is another to apply that concept while watching your partner enjoying themselves sexually with someone else. Being able to communicate, being social, having time to be a couple, and working together as a couple are essential, this author believes, for a couple to have a threesome. Without having these characteristics having a threesome maybe difficult and may pose some challenges for them.  Taking the time to develop them may help the couple have a rewarding and enjoyable threesome.

Meeting Victor


Threesome

The phone rings daily at our house and it sounds the same. It reminds me a lot like watching a television show that you have seen so many times you know it by heart and you can do anything while watching it because it is so familiar. This time, however, the ring makes my heart race and palms sweaty as I heard Maria in the background saying, “we look forward meeting you.”

At the point I knew she will be saying, “George you need to get ready and we need to leave within the hour.” From experience, I know, Maria cannot get ready in a hour and most likely it will take us nearly an hour and half before we are out the door. Nonetheless I will humor her and show her that I can be ready within the hour.

“George”

“Yes dear”

“Its a go. We are meeting Victor in a hour at our favorite restaurant.”

“An hour? Don’t you need more time?”

“I have already showered and all I have to do is put my make-up on. That should not take me more than 20 minutes. We are going to be late if you do not hurry.”

“I know. Did you tell Victor we might be late. We both know when you believe 20 minutes it is more like a hour. You still have to get dressed?”

Looking at Maria I could see a girlish glee come across her face, as though she is going on her very first date. I know not to be critical of her and I know not to crush her idea of her being ready in 20 minutes. If I do then it is going to have a negative impact on the evening.

Tonight is some ways is a first date for her since it is our first time having a threesome and we spent a lot of timing planning it. The last thing that needs to happen is starting the evening on “the wrong foot,” by making inappropriate comments.

“What do you think I should wear?” She asks standing in front of me topless and with the light in the room actuating her her perky 34B breasts.

“I think maybe your black dress with your black strapless bra and no panties might be a good idea?” Walking away she goes into the bathroom closing the door. “I need to get showered and ready too.”

“I do not want the mirror to steam and I will be out in a few minutes.”

A few minutes actually was actually more like a half-hour, “You know when are not going to be out the door within the hour since I am still not ready.”

Taking the shower gave me a minutes reflecting on the evening and what it will entail. It made my heart race and it gave me an erection in the shower. Also, it made me nervous about lies ahead and how I will be able to handle everything.

Dressing after the shower Maria was ready and we left. “Did you let Victor know we are running a few minutes late?”

“Don’t be foolish, I told him since it was short-notice we will get there when we can.”

“How will we notice him?”

“He told me that he will get a table and to ask for him once we get there.”

Walking into the rest restaurant it feels different and then to ask for Victor’s table it made the experience even more odd. “Victor’s table, please”

“This way,” said the hostess.

“We finally meet. I am George and you have already spoke to Maria.”

“Nice to meet you, please sit down.”

The conversation was fairly typical about the weather, our jobs, and what we like to do. This took us through the drinks and a part of the meal. As we were growing tired of the pleasantries I began shifting the conversation towards sex. “I understand Victor you find my wife attractive?”

I could see Victor staring at Maria’s cleavage and his attempts to put his hand on her leg.

Face flushing bright red Victor responds nervously and cautiously, “yes I do.”

“You do not need to be shy about it Victor we are all adults here and we all are here for one reason.”

“I know,” Victor said.

“How about you come back to our place Victor for some after supper drinks and we can talk more about how much you find Maria attractive?”

“I would like that.”

“Good, we will pay for supper and you can follow us back to our place.”

With that said I paid for supper and we got into our car. “Are you sure you want to go though with this?” I asked Maria

“Yes I would love to have the both of you fuck me tonight.”

A few minutes later we arrive at our place, “Why don’t you go upstairs to make yourself more comfortable and we will join you in a few minutes, dear.”

Giving Maria a chance to get ready I pour Victor and myself a glass of wine. “Maria is quite happy you chose to come back here with us. I will give her a few minutes and we can join her.”

We drank our wine and I said, “I think Maria has had enough time, please follow me.”

We walked up the stairs into our bedroom. The curtains were closed and the light was out. Only the hall light lit the room. Maria is laying on the bed naked with her legs spread and her nipples erect. I guide Victor to the bed gesturing to him to eat her out and I begin to caress her nipples.

Maria begins quietly moaning, “don’t stop,” she says in a very soft and quiet voice. I can see Victor enjoying eating Maria out and she grabs his head directing it where she wants to be serviced. Then I take step back to watch and I can feel my cock being rock hard. Then I can see Victor craw on top of her sucking on her left breast while playing with her right nipple. It is not long before he rolls her on her belly and he moves between her legs to play with her ass. He starts to lick the outside of her ass before he lubricates his finger placing it in her ass.

“More,” Maria says. “Don’t stop”

At this point Victor pulls his finger out and lubricates his cock before he enters her ass.

“Oh yes, fuck me,” yells Maria

I can see Victor beginning to fuck Maria in her as by starting slow before he picks up his pace.

“Yes, oh yes”

Victor moves a lot faster and Maria’s moans of pleasure becomes louder.

“I am going to cum,” yells Maria

I can see her body tensing and then a few moments later Victor tenses shooting his load into her.

Then I move to the bed, guiding Victor out of the way. At this point Maria’s pussy is sopping wet and I can feel how hot it is. From watching the two of them fuck it does not take no more than a few thrusts before I shoot my load into Maria.

The excitement of the evening brought it quickly to an end. We thanked Victor and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Discretly finding the third person


Dessins de Martin van Maele. Para Zoloé et ses...

In the beginning

Having this site I do receive bountiful number of questions that get asked to which I will personally reply but this question asks two very fundamental questions that I feel is best answered by writing an article. It is my hope this helps others who have similar questions.

First question, how do they find a third person without announcing it.

Second how do you find someone without going into the party scene?

Why is the party scene bad for a newbie

The questions are similar enough that I will answer second question, regarding finding someone, first. To begin with, each option carries a degree of risk that can be managed if enough thought is put into the meeting and safety is considered. This does not mean it will be 100% safe or be uneventful. Instead it means careful planning can improve safety and increase the chance of having an enjoyable experience.

When looking for a threesome probably the worst place you can look is the party scene. The party scene can involve drugs and alcohol making a horrible combination for a threesome. Also, the party scene is not the best place for a couple just starting out because it requires communication and decisions being made very quickly. It is not impossible for someone to be successful at a party but like anything else, some learning needs to occur. By not having some experience, cues can be missed or misinterpreted. As a result it can lead to misunderstanding, missed opportunities, or breaching an agreed boundary. In my opinion, unless the couple knows someone who will act as a guide for them then it is better for them to develop their threesome skills before trying a party.

Swingers Clubs

Swingers club does offer a better option. There are variety of sources for finding a swingers club. Most swingers clubs because of alcohol licensing laws and adult entertainment law are BYOB (Bring your own bottle).  Meaning they do not serve alcohol and tend to have strict rules regarding drug use. Depending on the club, they can be a very welcoming and supportive place for a couple just starting out.

Nonetheless, swingers clubs are expensive. Costs can include buying the right dress since many clubs will not allow jeans and sneakers. If you live in a rural, sparsely populated area, or in the suburbs driving may become a factor. In very sparsely populated areas driving time to travel to to a club may be several hours. Finally a swingers club, like a party, requires solid social skills that need to be learned.

Online

Dating Websites and Threesome Websites

Many couples take their introduction into the world of wife sharing and group sex by going slower while protecting your privacy is using an online dating web site. that provide several advantages.

  • Allows creating an alias to protect identity and to limit information being provided
  • Replies can be screened
  • Speed of reply is set by the member.
  • Provides a medium to ask questions
  • A greater opportunity for communication and a greater opportunity for global discussions about taking the ‘plunge’ into having a threesome.
  • Greater control
  • More opportunity to communicate with the potential third person

In essence, it gives you to control about who you speak with and the speed at which you develop enough information to decide if having a threesome with the individual is practical.

A major drawback can be the expense along with the time needed. This is especially true if the search includes a single bisexual female, sometimes called a unicorn. A second drawback is people tend to create an online facade and it will take some time in order to break through that facade in order to understand the real person and once you meet them they may not be the person whom they say they are.

Amateur Photo Sites

Along with or as an alternative to using a sites designed for threesomes are amateur photo sites. Similar rules apply for creating an alias but on these sites it is better if you do not advertise you are looking for a threesome. Generally speaking using an amateur photo web site is a great choice if you are wanting a soft-swing experience by using photos or having a web cam experience.

These sites tend to create a voyeur experience and it may mean you have to invest a bit more time since the individual may think you are trying to create a threesome fantasy for them instead of a real experience. Plus you may have to spend some extra time doing some vetting and building up a relationship to have a threesome because individuals tend to want the fantasy of having a threesome instead of actually having one.

Holiday Vacation

Third option might be having a threesome while on holiday / vacation. This is an excellent option if privacy is an issue, job is an issue, or if developing feelings for the third person will become an issue. By having a threesome while away will protect your privacy, limit involvement, and can lower resistance to the idea since the risk of someone finding out is low.

The drawback to this option is the expense involved because such an option requires traveling several hundred or several thousand miles for this option to be effective.

Cellular Mobile Phone Applications

Fourth option as technology changes there are more options to find someone outside of the normal channels. I am reading some sites are developing apps for phones. Since these apps or still either in development or in their infancy it is very difficult to comment on them. The only thing I will say at this moment is be careful in regard to safety and security. This means doing your research on the app before installing it.

In answer to the second question of how to find someone without using the party scene? There are least four ways to be discrete about finding the third person. The choice comes down to your level of comfort, the risk you are willing to take, the expense, and which method best fits your needs.

Second question how to approach the third person without offending them?

Approaching someone regarding a threesome is at a minimum anxiety provoking and at the worse it can be deathly frightening because of degree of emotional vulnerability. This means in order to have a threesome you need to be gregarious and confident. A couple that is socially awkward may find themselves may miss opportunities because they are too afraid to say anything because they are afraid offending the other person or fear being rejected. If having a threesome important enough then becoming outgoing enough to let the other know your boundaries, preferences, and dislikes will happen.

The secret is following basic rules of etiquette, communicate, and be a gracious host. Spend time listening to the third person instead of talking too much or trying too hard. If time is taken to observe while listening and responding accordingly then there is little that will offend the third person.

With that said, having a threesome requires trust, communication, and a willingness to explore; this normally leads to a relaxation of social rules to allow a discussion regarding the threesome. Also it allows each person’s social guard to be lowered thereby allowing for sharing to occur. In the event a couple can be good socially then things ideally should fine.

What does this mean for the couple? If they are in a situation where it is implied the meeting is a threesome / group sex then it is implied the reason why everyone is there is to have sex. However if it is more intimate such as arranging a meeting to discuss the idea then the discussion needs to be a bit more delicate especially if the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest in having a threesome. In a situation where the third person is not aware of the couple’s interest then the best way is to be direct about their interest. Alluding to the idea or using euphemisms will only lead to confusion thereby making having a threesome difficult.

Final Thought

In answering the second question, the best way not to offend the third person is to be open and honest about your needs. This means being assertive and  not doing something that makes you uncomfortable in order to please the third person. It may also mean finding situations where it is assumed that people are looking for a group sex experience like a threesome thereby removing some of the uncertainty regarding if the third person is seeking a similar experience.