First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)


Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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Threesome Foursome: Adding Spice to an erotic experience by trying an unique position


Introduction

Planning a threesome? Wondering what position to use? Maybe split roast, double penetration, and watching while to the invited male fucks your wife while you watch is becoming blase. Regardless below there is an opportunity to add some creativity and excitement to your threesome by trying new positions. The plethora of positions listed below are a collection of threesome positions for both mfm and fmf along with a few foursome positions.

Cosmo Twitter After Dark

Cosmo Twitter After Dark regarding realistic threesome positions. It is a good article. However the cartoon like drawings and the descriptions are light-hearted; however the light-heartedness, I feel, detracts from the purpose. Nonetheless, I believe, this is a great piece that is worth the time to review.

AskMen – UK

Cosmo does a great job with article on threesome positions. In contrast AskMen – UK is more pragmatic. Instead of 15 positions it focuses on 7 positions using real-life models along with discussing the benefits of each position.

DatingAdvice.com

The list on this site adds to the depth of positions available. The only drawback, unlike the other sites listed here, this site provides descriptions without video or photos; instead this site relies on descriptions.

SexualPositionsFree.com

This site takes an unique approach to the topic of threesome positions by using wooden figures in various positions.

YouTube – Living La Vita Loca (fmf / mff threesome)

For YouTube videos this is very well done and it focuses on threesome position for a two woman threesome

Finally

Regardless if you opt for a familiar position such as split roast or something more adventurous, the one thing that is clear having a threesome  can greatly enhance for any couple.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

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Cuckolding statistics


jouney

searching for information is a journey that begins with a step

Due to the ethics involved in doing research, especially sex. It is very difficult to find studies that show estimates of sexual practices, especially cuckolding. Finding statistics on threesomes, swinging, and polyamory because each practice is common whereas cuckolding is less common.

Nonetheless, as I was doing some searching for cuckolding statistics I did come across a few good cuckolding articles on the Examiner. This link will take you from this site to the Examiner, which in no way associated with this site, and provide you with a list of articles. In the list there is one article of interest that talks about the rise of cuckolding but unfortunately does not provide concrete numbers. Also I do find the Examiner’s site lacking on specific information but is a good source for general information. Likewise Psychology Today has an article about the rise of cuckolding. Again it does not provide a concrete estimates on the practice but discusses it rise in popularity.

Additional Articles

Canadian Study on sex and threesome

Open relationship study

Librarian and Pastor into Threesomes

Taking one for the team

Who are swingers and polys?

Cuckolding web sites

Threesome Terminology

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10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask


cuckolding guideIntroduction:

Cuckolding is a taboo subject that is rarely discussed publicly. Instead it is left for porn, opinionated talk show hosts, evening news stations during sweeps week and romance novels that create a seedy view of the subject. From the seedy image created couples become too afraid to discuss it only to find when the subject is brought up it triggers a strong emotional reaction. If a couple decide to pursue cuckolding many times the have to ‘feel their way in the dark’ and hope they have made the right decision. Sometimes the decision may be wrong putting her at risk and their relationship. The answers below is not a panacea for bringing the discussion of cuckolding ‘out of the closet’ but it is a starting point for couples wanting basic information of the cuckolding experience.

1) How should I bring up the idea?

Bringing up the idea of cuckolding can be very daunting, especially if not much discussion about the idea has previously occurred. Before bringing up the idea many different scenarios of how to bring up the idea and the possible reactions of your partner / spouse may occur. The scenarios may strike fear that prevents the subject form being discussed.

It is important to realize playing the scenarios is a protective mechanism to ensure there is not an impulsive rush to discuss the topic that can cause damage to the relationship and to work through the best way to bring up the subject. Likewise there is a chance having the scenarios play in your mind may also be based on anxiety, a fear of bringing up the subject and this is fine because you may not be ready. Once you bring up the subject your relationship will forever change and do not bring it up until you are ready.

When you are ready there is no generally accepted way of bringing up the idea. The best bay to bring it up, this author believes, is from a loving way that shows respect. This means:

  • Listening to your spouse / partner has to say
  • Not arguing
  • Not belittling them because they do not agree with you
  • Letting them know you care for them
  • Letting them know the suggestion of cuckolding has nothing to do with being bored with them
  • Choosing words your spouse / partner can relate to
  • Avoiding emotive words that provoke strong negative emotional reactions
  • Understanding why you want to a cuckolding experience
  • Positives can come from the experience
  • Risks to the relationship & how those risks will be handled
  • Having more than one discussion to work though the issues

2) How is cuckolding similar to a threesome?

Cuckolding and having a threesome are similar in two ways. First, when searching online cuckolding tends to get clumped with threesomes under categories such as: threesomes, wife sharing, swinging, or group sex. This is because fewer couples opt for cuckolding than threesomes and two activities share some basic characteristics. If you are online there are a few hallmarks that indicate a cuckolding rather than threesome is being sought. Typically this will include couples who want the primary male to watch or wife wants to play alone.

Second similarity there are three people involved but the extent to which the two males interact varies a lot. In some situations there may be a hybrid threesome where the couple will have a threesome with the invited male and sometimes the woman will meet the invited male without her husband / partner being present. Other scenarios the two males never meet and know very little about each other.

Third similarity, is what this author terms, couples cuckolding. Couples cuckolding is a hybrid of cuckolding and having a threesome. In a couples cuckolding scenario the cuckolding experience is short-term without the woman becoming emotionally involved with the other male. The cuckolding experience is done for the couple to allow them to experience something a completely monogamous relationship cannot provide but still remain emotionally monogamous to each other.

3) How does cuckolding differ from having a threesome?

One the surface cuckolding and having a threesome can seem to be quite similar. Imagine comparing a green apple to a golden delicious. Both are apples but it is not until analyzing the apples that the differences are known. For example you can eat a green apple but it is primarily for baking. Whereas the golden delicious is more suited for eating or making apple sauce because of its higher water content.  The same holds true when comparing a threesome to cuckolding. It is not until digging deeper into the structure of the two that the differences becomes obvious.

The biggest noticeable difference is in the structure. Having a threesome is best described as a team activity, like baseball or European football. Whereby the experience is shared. Success is dependent on each person executing their roles and the communication that occurs. Whereas cuckolding is more like an individual activity like karate, marathon running, or tennis. Cuckolding requires the woman to define for herself what she wants and needs then do it.  For her to have a successful experience it depends more on the support she receives than team effort.

Following closely with structure many pure cuckolding incorporates some form of BDSM. Typically it will be some form of small penis humiliation or some form of domination whereby sex gets withheld for a time. The extent to which this is incorporated and the extent to which, the practice bleeds into the couple’s daily life varies greatly. It can be said, for a limited number of couples, the line between cuckolding and daily life becomes blurred.

Another aspect that closely relating to structure is time needed. Having a threesome only requires everyone being comfortable enough with each other for sex to occur and for it to be physically enjoyable. Whereas cuckolding, in most circumstances, involves emotional attachment and this typically involves more vetting.

4) Is cuckolding the same as an open relationship?

This author believes is a form of an open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous, in most situations, and the woman forms a long-term emotional relationship with another man / other men. By definition it is not a true open relationship but a variation of it.

5) What type of boundaries should we have?

Boundaries are meant to protect the relationship and to protect the person. It is a way of mitigating a potentially emotionally damaging experience and increasing the chance it becomes an emotionally positive experience. This does not mean boundaries are ‘set in stone.’ but become something change with experience. By not having boundaries can put her at risk and put your relationship at risk too. As we have seen earlier cuckolding is not the same as having a threesome and having similar boundaries will not work.

Boundaries should be based on emotional need, physical need, and safety. As a result boundaries are unique to the couple and their situation, which means providing universal boundaries are difficult. Examples of potential cuckolding boundaries might include:

  • Meeting any potential partners for her
  • Discussing the experience
  • No overnight stays
  • When to text message or call
  • Frequency of meeting
  • Safe-sex
  • Agreeing cuckolding is a mutual decision whereby she may form an emotional attachment to another man
  • When to discuss experience

6) Where can I find a ‘bull’ or someone suitable?

Finding someone can happen anywhere such as the guy standing in front of you checking out at the grocery store or the car wash attendant. It depends on the type of man being sought and the need for privacy. There are a lot of dating web sites and affair related web site that cater to this type of activity. Since they are many and we are not paid to advertise them, this author is not going to list them. Also, swingers clubs can offer opportunities and off-premise events, where no sex occurs, sometimes called munches offer other opportunities.

Regardless of where you search the more important aspect is finding someone who is compatible and this can take some work. This will need some questioning and investment of time before agreeing to anything.

7) What changes may occur in our relationship?

Anytime when you introduce a third into the your relationship it will cause it to change. Typically you may find:

  • Before a ‘date’ she becomes distant
  • She may take time to prepare
  • Sex may become less
  • May become uncomfortable talking about her experiences
  • You may find feeling fearful or anxious
  • Your sex drive may increase or decrease
  • You may find experiencing a plethora of emotions that feel like a roller coaster
  • Conflict may increase over her dates, conflict may increase over feelings of relationship security, or other issues

8) Should they go alone on their first date?

Going to your first date alone is a decision you / she will have to make depending on the situation, the relationship, and all of the dynamics involved. However, from a personal protection standpoint it may be a good idea. Bringing him with helps with a few things:

  • Provides a buffer. If after speaking with the other man on the phone they are not suitable then having your spouse / partner there can help making leaving easier.
  • It lets the other male know this is being done in the open and he does not have to worry about a jealous husband / partner.
  • By bring him with it will help him put a name with a face. This should help ease some concerns he has.
  • It also helps give a second opinion about the suitability of the invited man.
  • It might help safety since your spouse / partner will know what he looks like.

If during the meeting things work out with the invited male then your spouse / husband can leave to leave you alone.

9) Cuckolding experience expectations ?

If you are expecting a scene from a romance novel where your lover sweeps you off of your feet from your husband / spouse or if you envision a scene from a movie where he is ripping off your clothes then maybe your expectations are a bit too high. We all have expectations that are not met then we feel disappointed and cuckolding is no different. Keep your expectations realistic instead of media based. Remember you are dealing with two other people who have feelings, expectations, and needs that sometimes conflict. Being able to resolve those conflicts will be vital for an enjoyable experience. The best way to set expectations is to ask yourself, what do you hope to get from the experience and then find someone who can meet them while communicating to your spouse / partner is the best way. Only by communicating and problem solving will you be able to achieve your needs.

10) Should I let my husband enjoy sloppy seconds?

Depending on the situation and boundaries sloppy seconds may become a part of the equation. Sloppy seconds is a sign to your husband / partner that you have had sex outside of your relationship with them depending on how confident they are they may either enjoy it or become upset. For the right couple it can be something that is shared between them that binds the.

Especially when just starting, there maybe feelings of remorse or guilt over having the experience. It can make sharing sloppy seconds difficult and be seen as a sign of shame. The reality is there is nothing wrong with sloppy seconds and it is something that should be viewed positively.

Finally

Cuckolding like getting out of bed, crossing the street, and driving to work carries risk. Living a risk-free life is not possible and if we could then I suspect life would become boring. Risk is something that can make life interest and motivating. However it can cause a lot of pain and heartache too. The above is meant as a guide to help couples who are considering cuckolding to help mitigate their risk and begin ‘opening the door’ on the subject. When it comes to cuckolding there are no right answer. Nonetheless by taking your time, discussing the subject and trusting each other then the answer for you, as a couple, will be found.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Couples Cuckolding

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Defining Monogamy

Finding the Balance

Threesome Terminology

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: After Yes Now What?


First Date questionIntroduction

The time between agreeing to try cuckolding and her first date is an important time. It is a time if handled wrong it can mean relationship issues that can destroy the relationship. Also, it can mean a breakdown in communication and it can mean putting her safety at risk once the first date occurs. This guide will share relationship secrets and planning secrets to make her first cuckolding date enjoyable.

Defining Cuckolding

What is cuckolding?

Before discussing cuckolding it is important to ask yourself what does cuckolding mean to you? Is it a hot wife that has many male lovers outside of her loving relationship with her husband? Maybe it is dominating wife who humiliates her husband by taking on another lover because he has a small penis? Perhaps it is a wife who wants to know what it is like to have sex with someone outside of their relationship and experience another penis.

The answer to the question, there is no  universal definition and everyone has there own definition of cuckolding. This means, cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions an unifying theme. All definitions include a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship that is done with his knowledge and consent.

For some it raises the question is cuckolding cheating? The answer is perceptional and outside of the scope for this article.

BDSM and Couples

Arguably anytime a couple involves a third person in their relationship it can be cuckolding but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms. I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Type of Cuckolding and Planning your first date

Understanding the two different forms of cuckolding is important because it will help guide the couple on the type of experience they want. By defining the type of experience, it will help them communicate and help find a man that is likely to support the experience they wish.

Couples Cuckolding

If she is leaning towards a couples cuckolding experience then experience is short-term and probable will not need her husband’s / boyfriend’s involvement in choosing the other male. The focus here is on short-term physical enjoyment. It is possible the first date may be meeting for sex instead of drinks.

BDSM

This may take her longer to find and may require more involvement, if asked. Since this type of arrangement may be for the long-term she may ask her husband / boyfriend to come with for input. Alternatively she may keep him updated regarding the progress of the date. Planning may become more intricate and finding a male who is willing to accept such an arrangement make take longer. The date in this type of situation may resemble a couple meeting for the first time and may involve several meets before any sexual activity occurs. As a couple working out safety and boundaries becomes paramount to protect the relationship.

After Yes What Next?

She agrees to try cuckolding but what next? Being a couple with that look like ‘deer in a headlight’ is not an option. After agreeing to explore cuckolding and before the first date there is a period between agreeing and the first date. During this period the couple goes through some drastic changes. These changes range from emotional withdrawal, to fear, and to sheer excitement. Some describe the experience as a roller coaster of emotions.

Where do you look?

The first step involves finding a suitable male. Finding a suitable male for cuckolding is nerve-racking since it has to be someone that is trustworthy and will not hurt her. This can lead to the search taking longer and being more cautious.

In the digital age there are many ways to search from:

  • using the internet
  • talking to friends
  • using apps on your phone
  • striking up conversations
  • letting it happen naturally by giving her a ‘hall pass.’
  • vising a swingers club or social

Searching for a cuckolding experience is different from a threesome. Cuckolding relates to how the couple relate to each other instead of how the relate to the invited male. When searching for a threesome it involves finding someone who shares similar interests as the couple and because having a threesome is more popular than cuckolding. As a result many sites have sprung up catering to subgroups of threesomes such as bisexual men or single women seeking a couple. Whereas cuckolding involves finding a compatible male. This means cuckolding tends to blend in a bit more and taking time to read profiles becomes more important.

She is Shy Introverted

The Issue

For her agreeing to try cuckolding might be overwhelming. It means finding another male to have sex with and worry if the relationship will survive the experience. It may cause her to be cautious and actively seek the experience. Alternatively she may be naturally shy and does not seek a cuckolding experience. So how can you help her if she is shy or reluctant?

Before searching it is important to talk about her reluctance  if she is normally outgoing. Without talking discussing her reluctance it can open the door to relationship issues that can have a far-reaching effect long after the experience is over. Furthermore it can impact her ability to effectively communicate her comfort, it can impact her enjoyment, and impact her feeling of security because she is not meeting a need.

Does this mean she should not try cuckolding? No, being shy does not mean she is unable to enjoy the experience nor does it mean she should not have the experience. Instead it means making sure she is able to effectively communicate her needs and those needs are understood.

Overcoming the Hurdle of being Shy Introverted

Being introverted and cuckolding are not incompatible; however, it can pose a hurdle. Finding a cuckolding experience is similar to a threesome because both use similar sources. The difference lies in the process for finding a suitable male. Typically searching for a cuckolding is an individual experiences whereas searching for a threesome is more of a shared couple experience.  Since she is shy it may mean, as her husband or boyfriend, you will have to help her. This may mean seeking her agreement to allow you to find someone, seeking her agreement to allow you to arrange you for her to meet someone, or it may mean giving her support.

Setting Basic Boundaries

One of the big differences between having a threesome and cuckolding are boundaries. Threesome boundaries tend to focus on protecting the relationship, building trust, and providing for a sense of well-being by ensuring needs are met. Cuckolding boundaries are different. The focus for cuckolding is physical safety and to a certain extent protecting while ensuring information is communicated.

Choosing the ‘Bull’ Other Male

Cuckolding normally requires choosing the other male is her choice but she may ask for husband / boyfriend for their advice. Depending on the cuckolding experience she is seeking it will decide the male she chooses. If she is shy then she may ask her boyfriend / husband to help. His involvement should be agreed before  any searching occurs and should be limited.

Finally

Not many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning before the real work begins. Taking time to set boundaries and to search will help make sure an enjoyable experience and help make sure the relationship survives. Without taking time to talk through the issues and set basic boundaries the risk to her is high.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide For Her: Surviving the First Date


First DateIntroduction

Cuckolding provides a woman the best of both worlds. An opportunity to openly have a lover that can fulfill needs that only he can fulfill and a chance for her to live out some of her fantasies while maintaining a loving relationship. In order for her to do this requires being dedicated to support her primary relationship, being dedicated to communicating her needs, and be willing to take the first step once the opportunity arises. This guide is a step in the journey and how to make it through the transformation that will occur.

What Have I got myself into?

Defining cuckolding

Cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions is a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship. Broadly speaking this covers all group sex activities but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms.

I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Expectations

Your boyfriend or husband will expect that you will have sex with someone else outside of your relationship. Similarly any man or ‘bull’ you meet will expect sex. However, it is important to remember for men when there are expectations about sex performance issues may arise that may lead to disappointment.

The above may sound intimidating but there is a lot power that is harnessed. As a woman you will have the last say over who you select, what happens to you, and nothing will happen without your consent. This means you can set your expectations and can manage the expectations of others. Ideally for the first date it is good to have minimal expectations to prevent feeling disappointment and creating too much pressure.

What do I want?

What do I want? Is a powerful question that opens many possibilities. It suggest cuckolding can offer the freedom to decide your own destiny and to meet a need that is not being met. Also, it gives the chance to live out a fantasy and to experience something only a few couples ever get to experience.

Being a woman who is control of her destiny and finding a lover without hiding it, brings a degree of power. Being able to get the most from the experience means understanding your needs and desires. Ask yourself what do you want from the experience? What would you like to try or do? Is there something about the experience that draws you to it versus having a threesome? This type of experience can fulfill a secret fantasy or an unfilled need if done correcting.

Communication Relationship Power

Having an enjoyable experience comes to down to a relationship that works and the ability to communicate. Communication for an enjoyable experience is vital. By being able to effectively communicate needs, comfort and limits means putting aside needs of others to focus on your needs. This can mean, at times, there are competing needs but by working through the issues finding a compromise that works for all.

In this type of situation, as a woman, you have a lot of control. For your boyfriend / husband it means making his fantasy a reality will not happen unless you agree. Likewise, the other male will not be chosen unless his needs are align with your needs. Knowing how to use your power becomes vital for meeting your needs and making the experience work for all.

Boundaries

Cuckolding is not having a threesome, which means there is a lot more more freedom but more risk too. For your husband / boyfriend it is a time of great anxiety. Also for them it can be a source of great joy. Understanding your husband / boyfriend is vital for the experience to work for him, for you, and the relationship. Since cuckolding is not like a threesome the same type of boundaries do not work. Instead cuckolding requires a different set of boundaries that focus on safety and relationship.

This means having discussions about:

  • If you will discuss the experience with the other man
  • If you will share ‘sloppy seconds’ with him
  • If sex will happen once you get back
  • Your husband’s / boyfriend’s comfort level
  • Your comfort level
  • If you want him to meet the other man
  • Safe-sex

Also it raises the question should there be forbidden activities like anal sex or kissing? In my opinion, I believe discussing such topics is futile since your boyfriend / husband will not be present thereby not knowing what transpired.

Meeting

Safety

Thinking about your sexual health and physical well-being is paramount. Sometimes bringing your boyfriend / husband to meet the potential playmate can build a bit of a buffer. By doing this it sends subtle message that someone is aware you are out.

Another point to consider is calling or sending texts to give progress on the date. This can be erotic for your husband / boyfriend and it can serve as a valuable instrument for your safety.

Last point on safety, practicing safe-sex is a must. The last thing you want from a few hours of bliss is an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. Best advice use a condom along with a back up birth control method.

Build a Buffer

Meeting someone for the first time can be a very anxious and awkward time. Being able to ‘click’ online or over the phone is one thing; however meeting in person is totally different. From the beginning let the potential playmate know there are no expectations from the meeting and it is about seeing if things can go further. Taking your boyfriend / husband with can give you a perspective that you may not see before deciding to go forward and if you decide not to go forward with the idea then having them there is a way to politely leave.

 At the meeting

Before meeting the third person discuss with your husband / boyfriend about the meeting. Develop signals and code words to signify:

  • comfort
  • nothing will happen
  • you want to leave
  • he is not comfortable with the other male
  • you are getting comfortable with the other male
  • time for him to leave

This may sound obvious but it is easy for him not to notice because he will be going through his own evaluation. Thereby missing something you might be trying to communicate with him. By talking before meeting the other male it will help to make sure the two of you work as a team and help make the evening go seamlessly.

Examples
  • Suggest to your partner to dance or chat to someone as a signal to leave.
  • Suggesting to your partner to buy some drinks as a signal you want to get to know the other male alone
  • Touching or kissing the other male to show comfort
  • Taking off glasses to show discomfort about choice
  • Talking about getting up early as way to leave for husband / boyfriend or you bring it up as way to bring the meeting to an early close
  • Mentioning a friend being ill as a signal to your husband / boyfriend you have no interest in the other male

Finally Alone

Before actually meeting, it may be worthwhile asking what helps him to relax and what helps to make him comfortable. If you have a fantasy about undressing for another male then share it with him.

After all of the communication and meeting the two of you are finally alone. For you it can be a time of fear and uncertainty because your husband is not there with you. Alternatively it may be a time of excitement because of the unbounded possibilities that exist. In either situation it is important to be able to relax and communicate your needs

For him it can be a time of great anxiety. Watch him, do not rush, and spend a few minutes talking. Helping him relax and you being able to relax will help. Men like looking a women naked and undressing slowly in front him will help arouse him. If you are comfortable asking him to undress you this could be an arousing moment for the both of you.

After undressing there is no need to rush. Take time to enjoy each other and explore. Since he is new, let him know what feels good and if necessary guide him. This your time to make your fantasy come true and mold him into your desires.

As the fantasy becomes reality think about what feels good and what do you want to experience. Try to balance it against trying too much and putting too much pressure on him or yourself.

Returning to your husband

If everything has gone as expected then you should being feeling good about yourself and the experience. Soon you will be back with your husband / boyfriend. This can be quite erotic and very intimate if you choose. For some men, ‘sloppy seconds‘ can be quite intimidating but a confident man will know how to enjoy it.

If the two of you have not agreed that you will bathe before laying with him and if you have not agreed the experience will not be discussed then take him to bed. Encourage him to explore you and to feel where the other man has been. Play to his fantasy of sharing you by telling him how good it was and how much you enjoyed it.

Finally

Surviving the first date takes a lot of communication and trust. Also, it involves a special couple that can introduce a third person and continue to make their relationship work. The key to surviving the first date is felling empowered and being in charge of your destiny. If you can communicate your needs and make everyone happy then you are on your way in having it all.

Other Articles of Interest

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Enjoying Slopppy Seconds

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

FAQs about Boundaries

FAQs about Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

Watching my wife have sex

Watching my wife have sex

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Debunking Cuckold Myths

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Follow me on Google+

Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

Cuckolding relationship


IMG_8709 updatedUniqueness of a cuckolding relationship

Imagine for a moment a relationship where each of you can have your fantasy fulfilled. Further imagine a relationship where you can change the momentum of the relationship for a period of time to fulfill each others fantasy. Next imagine a relationship where trust is the central characteristic. Finally imagine a relationship that requires each of you agreeing to continue an aspect of the relationship. Does this sound like an unattainable relationship or an ideal relationship? Actually this is a description of a cuckolding relationship.

Cuckolding can offer a couple an unique opportunity to fulfill each others fantasy while building trust in the relationship. For someone that is new to the idea of cuckolding maybe asking how does trust fit into cuckolding since it involves a third person in the relationship? Trust stems from keeping the boundaries and the communication that occurs. In order for cuckolding to work trust must exist and it must be able to grow over time, otherwise the relationship will cease to exist.

This brings up the next question, if the woman is sleeping with another man how is each person’s fantasy being fulfilled? For the man in the relationship normally he has a fantasy of his wife being with another man. It may seem counter-intuitive that such a fantasy can be arousing but for some, it can be very powerful, especially if he views his penis size is hampering her enjoyment of sex. Her fantasy can vary a bit. It can stem from having power in the relationship and control over her husband. Alternatively it can be having two concurrent lovers or it can be the experience of being with someone else.

So how does a cuckolding relationship change? One of the biggest issues is dealing with the issue of jealousy. Jealousy can be problematic especially in the beginning but with more experience the issue should resolve itself; however, if it does not then the cuckolding aspect should end. Another change is communication. Clear concise information needs to be communicated. Any ambiguity can lead to misunderstanding and conflict. Third change is a shift in power in the relationship. This change is arguable since the argument can be made for the man or the woman holding the power. In my opinion, the shift of power is to the woman since she is the one who decides who she has sex with, how often, and when. Final change is trust. Trust is very fragile and if not treated correctly it can be destroyed. By communicating and changing the power structure in the relationship trust changes. If the change in trust can be harnessed for changing the relationship for the better then it can have very positive impact on the relationship.

Would I recommend a cuckolding relationship to everyone? No, I would not since each relationship is different with different needs. However, I would recommend a couple consider evaluate the idea if they have been together for a period of time and have had at least one threesome / foursome experience. At least by having some type of group sex experience the couple can begin to understand the challenges they can expect to face and how their relationship might change. Therefore, cuckolding should not be discouraged but understood. By understanding cuckolding it can provide a couple with more options for their relationship and for some it can help them enhance their relationship.

Does introducing a thrid person positively or negatively impact a relationship?


IMG_8702Threesome Impact on Relationships

Introduction

Imagine having a crystal ball with the ability to see into the future or having a software program that can accurately predict if a planned threesome will be successful. As humans wanting to know the outcome before it happens helps us make decisions and helps us decide if the risk is worth taking. However, having a threesome involves a lot of unknown factors and much depends on the choice of the third person. So how do you know if introducing a third person will positively or negatively impact a relationship? Until a crystal ball is developed or a software programs is written that can predict the impact of a third person on a relationship there is no way of knowing. Instead the best that can be done is understanding the dynamics involved.

The Couple – can they cope with change

The impact of introducing a third on a couple’s relationship depends a lot dynamics of the couple and how they react to change. Introducing a third person, even as a one-off situation, will forever change the couple and once a threesome occurs it cannot be undone. Therefore the question a couple must ask themselves, are they ready for the change?

What type of change will they face? It is not possible to know every permutation of a threesome situation and talk about every possible change. Instead the most likely changes will include how the relate to each other, how they react to the feelings they experience, and how they perceive the threesome experience. This means the impact of introducing a third person will depend on each of them as individuals, how they cope with having a threesome and collectively as a couple. It means the change to the relationship may not be good and the impact, short-term or long-term, maybe the relationship is adversely impacted. How the couple copes with adversity will determine if the relationship is able to make it through or not.

The Third Person – Is Compatibility is better than availability

If given a hypothetical choice between receiving $100 (£100) now or $1,000 (£1,000) six months from now, which would you choose? Would you go for the immediate reward or the delayed reward? The above question demonstrates how we, sometimes, make decisions. Sometimes we choose the immediate reward because of its availability instead of delaying of it for a bigger reward later. This type of decision making is readily seen when choosing a third person for a threesome. Sometimes the choice is made because of availability instead of compatibility.

So why is compatibility important? If the choice is made due to availability then it implies there was some form of compromise. There is nothing wrong with compromise provided the compromise does involve giving up core beliefs / boundaries about having a threesome. If core beliefs / boundaries are given up it can lead to feelings such as anger, resentment, and finding ways to sabotage the threesome. This can only lead to problems later in the relationship.

So, the solution is finding someone that is compatible. Compatibility in the context of a threesome does not necessarily mean someone that shares common interests and someone where a bond is shared. Instead it means someone where there is enough of an interest, commonality, and at least a physical attraction by each member of the threesome to allow the threesome to occur.

Does finding someone that is compatible means the threesome will be free from issues? Definitely no, but it does mean the chance an issue will arise is less since the selected person meets the needs of the couple.

The Unknown – Learning to anticipate possible outcomes

Planning a threesome means being able to understand the unknown, anything that is not expected that can have an impact, by planning for it. So how do you prepare for the unknown? There is no way to prepare for every eventuality but understanding some of the challenges that may be faced will help in the preparation. This could be issues like jealousy, anger, developing feelings, or safety. It could issues such as location, your partner’s weaknesses, or past issues. In essence, it is trying to visualize the threesome based on what is being planned along with understanding your history as a couple.

Conclusion

In answer to the question, will introducing a third person into the relationship have a positive or negative impact? The answer is simply it is not possible to know. The best that can be done is looking inside yourself, assessing the relationship, and assessing the third person selected, then asking do I believe a threesome will work? If you believe it will work then it is important to accept the decision, work towards making the threesome as enjoyable as possible and accept that the relationship will change. Should you, as a couple, be able to adapt to change and work through any adversity then it is reasonable in expecting that the threesome will have a positive impact on the relationship.

Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate


hot night out

Why do we participate in MFM threesomes or not?

Introduction

The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.

Reasons for Participating

Solidifying the relationship

As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.

If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.

Exploration of boundaries

Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.

Need to feel desired / wanted

Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.

Curiosity / Something new

By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.

In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.

Bisexuality

The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.

Reasons for not wanting a threesome

Risk to the relationship

At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea

Personal experience / beliefs

This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.

does not want partner there

This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.

Fear of emotional attachment / jealousy

Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.

Conclusion

The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.