25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

IMG_8709 updatedAre we ready for our first threesome?

Below is a guide that covers 25 points couples should consider before having their first threesome. It not comprehensive and it may not cover every situation. Instead it is meant to cover topics that a couple may encounter from initial discussion through debriefing. This means the below list is meant to be a guide covering topics couples should consider before having their first threesome.

  1. There is no perfect threesome and each threesome is unique
  2. We have discussed the idea, worked through the issues, and feel we have a shared understanding of our planned threesome.
  3. We understand our feelings, understanding, and desire to have a threesome may change. Therefore, we have agreed to periodically review our planned threesome.
  4. We understand having a threesome will change our relationship and we accept that it will change
  5. If we invite a co-worker, a friend, or someone from a former relationship it will bring additional risks for us. These risks can include an increase loss of our current relationship, loss of friendship or loss of job. Therefore we need to scrutinize our choice before inviting someone close to us.
  6. Inviting someone we do not know means there are risks too. These risks can include risk to personal safety.
  7. Inviting someone we do not know may mean a few discussions with them over a period of time before a threesome may happen.
  8. During the threesome our perception of reality will be challenged. Therefore better not to act on impulse during the threesome but to wait until we have time to ourselves to discuss anything that came up.
  9. Communication is vital for an enjoyable threesome and we need to communicate about the threesome until all issues are resolved.
  10. We have been open with each other regarding our communication with the third person
  11. We have, to each of our satisfaction, discussed having a threesome including: boundaries, what it will mean for our relationship, and our feelings regarding having it.
  12. If either of us are prone to jealousy or anger then it is important to consider if having a threesome is the best for us.
  13. Any changes to our boundaries need to be made prior well in advance of the threesome.
  14. Our boundaries are clear and understandable. We both understand our expectations and we have communicated them / will communicate them to our invited third person.
  15. We do not have too many boundaries and the few that we do have do not contradict other boundaries.
  16. Our definition of cheating excludes threesomes.
  17. We have agreed having a threesome is a mutual decision and we accept responsibility for making the decision.
  18. Each of us has a ‘veto,’ meaning if we are not comfortable with the perspective third person, then we can communicate it and the threesome will not happen.
  19. If either of us decides to exercise our ‘veto’ then it will be accepted and discussed.
  20. Neither of us feels pressured, manipulated, or coerced into having a threesome.
  21. Our planned threesome is not occurring shortly after a major life event (e.g. death, marriage, job loss, major move, etc).
  22. If we have children in the home, we have made suitable arrangements for them while we have our threesome.
  23. We have taken reasonable steps to protect our privacy and to protect our safety
  24. We have discussed and agreed about safe-sex practices
  25. We have agreed having a threesome must be enjoyable for all.

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What is outing?


beachOuting: Cuckolding and Swinging

What is the first image that enters your mind when you hear the word outing? For me it is someone who is exposed as being gay and it is done against their wishes. The image is very troubling since it involves someone who has a part of their life exposed against their choice. Does this mean ‘outing’ carries the same negative connotation in the alternative sexual practices community.

Luckily for me I have never faced that issue. We do not work at hiding our interest but at the same time we do not draw attention to ourselves by speaking about it in public. So, we have learned how to protect ourselves.

In the swinging community outing has a very similar meaning. It involves being exposed as someone who participates in the lifestyle. Sometimes it is a family member, your job, and on a rare occasion someone you have ‘played with will expose you. This can be upsetting for those who have been outed.

Whereas for cuckolding outing takes on a different meaning. Outing means, in the context of cuckolding, exposing someone who has a small penis. This can be arousing if it falls within the agreed boundaries.

In answer to the question does outing have the same meaning? No, it depends on the context of the situation and it can be arousing experience for some, if it is done right.


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5 threesome sites to follow

Threesomes / swinging sites for bookmarking

Below are five threesome / swinging sites that are worth being book marked for use. They provide a wealth of information for both the individual exploring the idea of having a threesome through to the veteran swinger.

1) Reddit Swingers Community:

  • Registration: Required
  • Cost: Free
  • Type of Site: Moderated forums
  • Target audience: all
  • Description: Reddit Swingers Community is quite similar to its community for cuckolding. However, this site focuses on couples and singles interested in threesomes. It is a great site for anyone looking to for more information, to ask questions, or seeking support.

2) Swing Lifestyle

  • Registration: Required
  • Cost: Free but for certain services payment of a fee is required
  • Type of site: Social
  • Target audience: Primarily those in the United States and Canada; however there are some contacts from from Europe.
  • Description: Swing lifestyle is arguable the quintessential site for anyone interested in threesomes, wife-swapping, cuckolding, or group sex activity. It provides contact to others who share similar interests, provides stories, and the opportunity to interact with other members. The one drawback if you are outside of the US or Canada you might find it is limited in meeting other similar like minded individuals.


  • Registration: Not required if you are an individual.
  • Cost: Free but the site does offer membership to receive information
  • Type of Site: Portal – links to other sites
  • Target Audience: Those interested in threesomes / swinging in the US and Canada. They provide information for those living in Europe but unfortunately it is not as comprehensive.
  • Description: NASCA, should not be confused with NASA since each are very unique. NASCA’s purpose is simple linking individuals with the threesome / swinging world. They provide information regarding swingers clubs, travel, and web sites. It is a great web site in finding threesome / swinging clubs and other information.

4) Sexuality.org

  • Registration: Not required
  • Cost: None
  • Type of site: Information
  • Target Audience: Anyone interested in ‘alternative’ sexual lifestyles or anyone looking for information regarding ‘alternative life-sytles.’
  • Description: I have a lot of praise for this site. It is a good resource if you are looking for objective information regarding alternative sexual practices that it not written at the academic level; however this site has, sadly scaled itself back with archives on gay, fetishes, and BDSM activities. Nonetheless they continue to keep their swinging section alive and still remains a good source of information.

5) Twitter

  • Registration: Required
  • Cost: None
  • Type of Site: Micorblogging
  • Target audience: anyone interested in the topic
  • Description: Twitter is a micro blogging site whereby members send out ‘tweets’ of less than 140 characters. For those interested in threesomes and alternative sexual practices it provides the opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals. It also allows the user to follow subjects and members that share interests. It can be quite a powerful tool for those interested in this type of activity.


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7 great free cuckolding web sites

Great web sites for cuckolding information


couch updatedBelow are seven cuckolding web sites that provide a variety of information and are a great resource. Please be aware they not in affiliated with this site and this site does not have control over their content. Also be aware by clicking on the below links you will be leaving this site.





1) Reddit Cuckolding Community

  • Registration: Reddit requires registration resulting in Reddit limiting the number of time you can post in a given period of time, especially for new members.  However as you post and gain points the restrictions begin to ease.
  • Cost: Free
  • Type of Site: Moderated Forums
  • Emphasis: General cuckolding issues and I believe, it has a centrist perspective.
  • Summary: It can be an invaluable tool for someone just starting out and it can be an invaluable tool for seeking advice if you encounter an issue along your journey. At least from my perspective, the questions are quite varied and I find the replies to be helpful. In my opinion, this is a great resource for anyone interested in learning more about cuckolding or anyone wanting support.

2) Cuckold Stories Blog:

  • Registration: Not required for stories and not required to read the forum.
  • Cost: No cost for the blog section. However the forum site does require payment to post and see link.
  • Type of site: Cuckold story and Forum site with pictures. In my opinion, this site is both a general cuckolding site and a site that also specializes in cuckolding as BDSM, in particular Domination / Submission.
  • Summary: Unlike Reddit’s site Cuckold Blog Stories takes cuckolding further. It takes cuckolding, I believe, into Domination / Submission with a focus on small penis humiliation. Small penis humiliation, on this site, is taken to the extent where the male, in some situations, wears a chastity device and the wife deprive him of sex. In my opinion, this site takes cuckolding further and to the extreme.

3) Love Small Penis:

  • Registration: Not required if you are a WordPress member
  • Cost: None
  • Type of Site: Cuckolding from a personal perspective.
  • Summary: Site is dedicated to the topic of small penis with information and resources on cuckolding.

4) My Other Self:

  • Registration: None
  • Cost: None
  • Type of Site: Research into open relationships and cuckolding
  • Summary: This is a relatively basic site that provides links to research into the topic of open relationships and cuckolding.

5) Cuckolds Forum:

  • Registration: Required if you are replying or posting
  • Cost: None
  • Type of Site: Forum
  • Summary: A comprehensive forum site regarding cuckolding for those who are exploring the idea to those who are quite experience.

6) Cuckold Marriage:

  • Registration: Required if you want to participate
  • Cost: None
  • Type of Site: Combination of forum and information
  • Summary: A comprehensive site that tries to cater to a variety of interests that appears to target married couples.

7) Cuckold Couples:

  • Registration: None
  • Cost: None
  • Type of Site: Information
  • Summary: Site appears old and outdated because of its over-emphasis of using color. It has a very 1990 to early 2000 feel to it. Nonetheless the site is a good source of information for any couple considering the idea of cuckolding.

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Threesome signs

Do non-verbal signs show interest in a threesome?

A-IMG_8560Are you considering discussing the idea of having a threesome for the first time? If so then this article may help you. Think back to when you met your spouse and the discussion you have about your sexual past. Was there anything unique? Did anything make you think they might interested in a threesome? Now, think about the time from that discussion up about a year ago? How do you feel they changed? Are they more sexually liberal or less sexually liberal? How has your relationship with them changed? Finally think about your history with them from the discussion to now.

A sign, simply put, is an indication of their willingness to have a threesome. Many times the signs are subtle such as attitude, beliefs, or changes in behavior. If you answered the questions above, I hope the result shows there can be signs that your partner / SO is open to a threesome but a lot depends on your relationship with them instead of their past.  Does this means there is a complete disconnect between their history and their willingness to have a threesome? I do not believe there is a complete disconnect but I do believe there are subtle signs that can show their interest. It is important to remember indicating interest and actually going through with a threesome are entirely different. A sign can be used when judging if the subject of having a threesome is worth discussing but it is not a guarantee of agreement nor is it an indicator that a threesome will happen. Simply put a sign is something you can use in your assessment about your partner’s receptiveness to the idea.


There are some who believe having a liberal view is an indication there is potential interest in having a threesome. Whilst I believe someone who has liberal views, especially about sex, can show their interest in a threesome. Nonetheless, I also believe those who hold more traditional views about relationships and marriage is for a lifetime can show they are willing to work through the tough times if a planned threesome goes wrong.

Another important attitude is an attitude that lacks jealousy and control. It is not possible to be from jealousy all the time but being jealous can be problematic in a threesome. Likewise the need to control everything can be good, especially if you are a manager but in a threesome everyone has some control while submitting control to the other two people in the threesome.

Final attitude sign is outgoing. Being outgoing in a threesome is necessary and without being outgoing having a threesome becomes difficult.


Attitudes in beliefs are very similar with the difference being an attitude is how you approach something and it is something that most people will see. Whereas a belief is something more personal and it is something that is rarely shared. At a deeper level an attitude is the expression of a belief. At some point in a relationship the discussion about beliefs happens. This can be a good, though not perfect, indicator of your partner’s interest in a threesome.

In my opinion a good sign of the possibility of having an interest in a threesome is having a healthy attitude about sex. This means each person is able to use the sexually proper words and euphemisms or colloquial terms are avoided. Likewise sex is dealt with from mature adult perspective. Meaning there is not a lot of control, jealousy, and a true wish to support a relationship.


Behavior is probably the easiest to misread and misunderstand. It is my belief behavior must be understood in the context of the person’s beliefs, the environment where it occurs, and relationship history.  The below is a possible list of behaviors that may show an interest in a threesome and by no means is it an exhaustive list. Likewise the list can show other issues and it is important before making any assumptions your observations are discussed with your partner.

  • Expressing an interest in having sex with someone else
  • Stating they find someone attractive
  • Discussing the idea of having a threesome
  • Dressing more sexy / provocative
  • Role playing a threesome / interest in threesome porn  or websites / sharing fantasy of having a threesome
  • Wanting to put nude / semi nude photos on an amateur porn site.
  • Asking about your attitude towards threesomes, cheating, and group sex
  • Previous threesome experience whereby the do not frame it as being a bad experience
  • Willingness to try / explore new sexual things
  • Healthy curiosity about sex


A sign can show an interest in having a threesome when taken in context of relationship history and the condition in which it occurred. If a sign indicates that a person might have an interest in a threesome it does not mean they have it nor does it mean a threesome will occur. All it means there is a chance they might be receptive to the discussion and from there anything is possible. If you believe your spouse is interested in having a threesome then it is best to speak with them outside of the bedroom.  Finally if you have signs that you believe can show an interest in a threesome please add it by responding to this blog.


Lifestyle does it exist? Is it bad choice?

Lifestyle what does it mean?

Lifestyle is a word that describe the way we chose to live our life. It gets applied to everything from threesome, open relationships to where we live or our profession. Very rarely do we really think about its meaning or what it implies. For the rest of this article the focus will be threesome.

Think for a moment, what does threesome lifestyle means? For me, it means a someone who regularly participates in having a threesome. Their participation has gone beyond exploration, it has gone beyond someone who occasionally has a threesome and it has become a part of their identity. For a couple, I believe, lifestyle means they regularly take part in their activity that it has become a part of defining their relationship.

This raises a fundamental question, is having a threesome lifestyle a good thing? On the surface it may seem quite bad since it raises the question, is this the way the couple relates to each other? Also it suggests having a threesome bleeds into other aspects of their relationship and it is the only way a couple defines their relationship. Essentially the term lifestyle as it relates to threesome suggests a couple’s relationship is one-dimensional and for the person, it implies having a threesome lifestyle dominates their life. Thereby suggesting they have some type of anxiety, control, or inability to relate to others issue.

I believe, the bigger question is how does a couple support their relationship? If having a threesome is the only way they can connect then, I believe, it is something bad. However, if it is primary element to their relationship and they have other ways they connect then it not a bad thing. Being able to communicate, being able to connect outside of the threesome, and having a relationship that is bigger than the threesome are central in having a relationship that can survive a threesome.

Therefore, lifestyle means regularly having a threesome but being able to detach from having a threesome to support the relationship. It means to me a rich experience, in which, having a threesome contributes to the overall success and happiness of a couple. Likewise contributes to the person happiness of the person participating in a threesome. Finally having a lifestyle does not bleed into other aspects of your life but helps in defining who your identity. In essence lifestyle is an identity that contributes to your overall happiness and satisfaction.

FAQs about ‘mixed signals,’ what do they mean?

FAQs about mixed signals

My spouse behaves as though they would enjoy a threesome, should I bring up the idea?

I suspect your interpretation of their behavior is based on your knowledge of them and their attitude towards the subject. Rushing a threesome may have disastrous consequences. It is better to speak with them about your observations and speak with them about their feelings towards having a threesome.

During foreplay may spouse / partner becomes highly aroused by the idea of having a threesome, does this mean they want a threesome?

During foreplay resistance lowers and the ability to share a fantasy increases. This leads to the ability to explore the idea of having a threesome in a safe environment where the person is able to control all aspects of the fantasy. However, having a threesome is a lot different because it requires surrender some control to others. At most, becoming aroused by the idea suggests that they are receptive to the idea but it is long journey from being receptive to actually having one.

We have started talking about having a threesome but every time we take a step towards having a threesome my spouse / partner my partner change their mind.

This is common and being supportive is required since they are, most likely, struggling with the idea from an intellectual and emotional level. They may, intellectually, find the idea appealing but emotionally feel as though they are cheating. Conversely they may feel excited about having the opportunity but in their mind they are playing messages about the activity thereby struggling with it.

If my spouse / partner is unsure about the idea is it best to arrange a threesome for them?

No, surprising your partner / spouse with a threesome rarely works and can lead to further problems. If it is something being considered speak with them about it.

It seems as though we were moving quickly towards having a threesome but now our progression towards having a threesome has become stagnant.

This is common when an individual realizes there is a difference between the fantasy of having a threesome versus having a threesome and they begin confronting the idea of having a threesome.

In the beginning my spouse / partner was resistant to the idea but now they are quite excited, why?

Such behavior is common, especially for women and many reasons for the behavior exists. Most likely they are realizing the opportunity it is providing them and the closeness they feel towards their spouse / partner. In most cases, I would see this as a positive and not dwell too much on it.