Who are swingers and polys?


Occasionally I will visit the EJHS site to read their studies and I cam across one very interesting study. This online study regards painting a portrait of current swingers and current polys. Online studies has it advantages such as: protecting anonymity, quick, and cost effective. However, the major drawback to any online study it is an online. Meaning there is a risk the same individual participated multiple times skewing the results and because their is anonymity their is a higher chance an individual answering may not answer truthfully. Also any questionnaire, regardless if it is online, is difficult to analyze beyond basic statistical analysis. In this study the sample was quite small, especially for polygamists. Thereby providing very limited and very general results.

Nonetheless this study did show some interesting results such as:

  • Average age for swingers 43 years
  • Average age for those involved in polyamory 46 years old
  • Both are degree educated but polys slightly less education
  • 38% of swingers made more than $70,000 / year where as 43% claiming to be poly made more than $70,000 / year
  • Interestingly 60% of the swingers respondent were male but nearly 60% of the respondents stating poly were female
  • Strongest political affiliation was Democrat Party
  • Most stated they held either moderate or liberal views.
  • Life satisfaction, for both swingers and polys, were about the same as the general ‘vanilla’ population

The one fact I found interesting is a slight shift ‘to the left’ for political ideology and I have to question if this is due to the President being Democrat.

Also the study, for me, confirmed education and income plays a factor in choosing this type of experience.  I believe, it is consistent with other studies. Nonetheless, I would like to have read about the prevalence of swinging and polyamory in the general population along with the average length of the relationship when compared to the general population.

I recommend anyone interested in research into swinging or polyamory take a moment to read it.

Additional Articles

Canadian Study on sex and threesome

Open relationship study

Librarian and Pastor into Threesomes

Taking one for the team

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 3 June 2014


 

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This week is unique. So far my weekly list has included a mixture of authors who publish regularly, multiple articles from the same author, and articles from newly discovered authors. Also each week had a dominating theme such as polyamory or cuckolding.  This week we see Polysingleish return and Boy.Lu5t; however the remaining eight are new authors.  As for themes I do not believe there is a strong prevalent theme this week and if I were to choose a theme for the week it would be communication.

Overview

Lessons of Loneliness an extremely well-written article from a personal perspective. In this article the author faces a five week break from the poly lifestyle while visiting family. She discovers that loneliness can be a powerful teacher  and discovers that loneliness is perceptual that is defined by something we miss in our life.

*Tap Tap* Is This Thing On? After about a month break Filled and Fooled announces her return. We look forward to reading more from you and welcome back.

Couples Preferences – Dinner Conversation and Sex a relatively unique article that examine a personal experience of discussing the idea of having a threesome at a dinner party.

1) Lessons of Loneliness by Polysingleish

2) *tap tap* is this thing on? by Filled and Fooled

3) Keeping Marriage Alive with Affairs, Asexuality, Polyamory and Living Apart as posted by Boy.Lu5t

4) Nope, Definitely Not a Lesbian by Pull It Together Karen

5) Couples Preferences – Dinner Conversation and Sex by Chef EdieM

6) Threesome by bedroomtobedroom

7) Sex Confession The Threesome John, Becky, Rocco by Altanticcitystripperssextalk

8) Refuse My Threesome Invitation and I Will Stab You in the Eye by The Dirty Turban

9) Rough Gets Rougher by Nighttime Adventure

10) More on Cheating by Free Love Academic

 

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

Week of 19 May 2014

Week of 26 May 2014

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 26 May 2014


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A bountiful selection of good blogs this week and it made choosing 10 to include very difficult.

I believe you will enjoy all of them.

Highlights

Why I Love Big Pussy Sex is an interesting article that examines the idea of a ‘stretched’ vagina and experiencing it from a ‘male’ perspective. The reason why I find it interesting because it is an attempt to capture both the physical and emotional experience from a ‘male’ perspective that has a small penis.

Negotiations and Finding Your Core Values examines the idea of boundaries, how they evolve, and subtly the author talks about some of the boundaries they have used. It is an excellent article for anyone wanting to understand the need for boundaries or is looking for a fresh idea of how to introduce boundaries without killing the ‘experience.’

Be Careful for What you Wish for is a blog that I debated about adding since the author appears to have flooded the ‘cuckold’ tag section with a lot of their writing. While I am not opposed to writing a lot. What I have to question is the need to post 14+ blogs in a one week period instead of spacing them out over a few weeks. In this situation, I feel the author’s message is weakened and missed because of too many posts. From my perspective I do not want to read of them because of the volume and I have to question if they are all good quality posts worth reading? My instincts tells me it is not worth my time reading them all. Nonetheless, since I have strive to have authors that write on different parts of the threesome spectrum and because I try to strive to include a variety of authors, I have decided to include this one.

1) Just…there by Krystalla

2) 2nd Honeymoon by Krystalla

3) Why I Love Big Pussy Sex by Love Small Penis

4) Negotiations and Finding Your Core Values by Loving Without Boundaries

5) Why I’ve Never Been Interested in a Threesome by Adventures in Randomness

6) A Fantasy Shared by Cumminsgirl

7) The Unicorn is Getting Restless by Good Clean Fun

8) Be Careful for What you Wish for by Sexual Maniacs Anonymous

9) Cuckolding from MD by mdsh143

10) Sex Tips for Group Activities by FriendsshipFunandMaybeaBlog

 

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

Week of 19 May 2014

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed during the week of 19 May 2014


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Another week is upon us and time for another list of 10 articles or stories you might have missed. This week there is a lot of variety including stories and information on polyamory.

Highlights

Polyamory Without Rules = Chaos is a well written and insightful article regarding the need for couples who have polyamorous relationships to establish boundaries. Even though the article focuses on polyamorous relationships the article is applicable to any couple desiring a threesome, cuckold, open relationship or foursome.

Power Play and Passion: Consent in the Kink Community is a very well written thought provoking that transcends the topic of sex and touches who we are as people? At the core of the article it asks the question, how much do we have to emotionally detach from people to have sex? Do we have to detach so much that we dehumanize the experience and see those with whom we have sex with as objects instead of humans?

On Cloud 9 and Script for a Threesome are two good stories worth reading.

1) Quad Weekend by Krystalla

2) Polyamaory Without Rules = Chaos? by Loving Without Boundaries

3) Safe Sex and Open Relationships: You Can Have your Cake and eat it too by Dancetinyfox

4) Power Play and Passion: Consent in the Kink Community by Polysingleish

5) Chapter 2 Michelle’s Journey of Becoming a Hot Wife by Threesomes and Variations

6) A Fantasy Shared by Cummins Girl

7) Script for a Threesome Will I be So Lucky? by Libido Bootcamp

8) Who is Better by Kinky Tiger

9) Poly Is Poly Isn’t by Diary of a Sadist

10) On Cloud 9 by Sublifedelight

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

May’s list

Week of 5 May 2014

Week of 12 May 2014

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5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries


londonIntro

What is the biggest mistake someone who never had a threesome can make? Besides pressuring your spouse to have a threesome, in my opinion it is not having boundaries.

From my first threesome with my wife, we had a few very simple boundaries:

  • One-off
  • No contact afterwards
  • We agree to have a threesome is a mutual decision and we will not use it against the other at a later date
  • With the other invited male, we agreed it would be a straight threesome with no contact between the men.

The boundary about being a mutual decision and accepting that we will not use it against the other, I believe, is the one that has helped us the most. Since it is the boundary that took the power away from any potential conflict arising from the decision.

Unfortunately some who have a threesome for the first time, approach it ‘starry eyed,’ wanting their spouse to freely enjoy the threesome without limits. Only to find, as she passionately kisses her new-found lover before he ‘goes down’ on her before burying his head in her wet pussy that is craving his long hard cock, and fearing their relationship is about to end. At that fearful moment having the epiphany that having a few simple boundaries might have helped him reduce some of his concerns and allow him to enjoy the threesome.

So how do you set up boundaries?

1) Should be Clear

‘Over Engineering’ a boundary accounting for every potential event does not need to occur. Instead a boundary should have the same understanding for all involved. If the a boundary is no oral sex then everyone understand what makes up oral sex. Instead of assuming everyone has the same definition of oral sex.

2) Should not conflict with other boundaries

A boundary should give security about the extent an activity will occur and it should not conflict with another boundary. If there is a conflict between boundaries then it is likely a boundary will be violated leading to, at least, lack of enjoyment and at its worse the end of the relationship.

3) Limit the number of boundaries

Writing a laundry list of boundaries increases the chance some will be forgotten or even worse, ignored. Ideally try to keep the boundaries somewhere between 3 to 7. A boundary need to be broad enough to cover most situations and clear enough that everyone understands the expectation.

4) Periodically review them

Over time people and needs change. As you become more comfortable with cuckolding, having a threesome, or polyamory you will find there is less of a need for rigid boundaries. Nonetheless there will still be a need for some type of boundary and a boundary can change to meet the changing needs of your relationship.

5) Accept responsibility

Having a threesome is a decision made by three consenting adults who have an equal voice. The only person that can decide to go forward to have a threesome is yourself. If you discuss boundaries then take responsibility for the discussion and any later agreement that is made about them.

 

10 Word Press articles you may have missed during week of 29 April 2014


IMG_8802The number of articles posted this week appears to be less than last week, which meant less posts to read. I do not know if it has to do with the Bank Holiday in the UK, the start of the baseball season in the US, or increasing nice weather. As a result I have shorten this weeks list to 10.

Highlights

Cover Almost Blown by Hope Swings well written but short article describing the dangers of linking your swingers blog with your twitter profile. It is a good article reminding us how quickly our privacy can be blown.

Becoming Her Eunuch, is a good article for cuckolding fans. It is short, albeit, incomplete glimpse of what it is like to be totally submissive husband.

I am Such an Awesome Wife, by Krystalla is a short poignant article about giving permission to her husband to have sex with another woman and not feeling guilty about the decision. While many of us would say ‘yes,’ only to fear we made the wrong decision or state ‘no way,’ Krystalla shows it is possible to say ‘yes’ without the guilt.

Not All Women Swingers Are Bi by Krystalla is a gentle reminder not every woman interested in a threesome, foursome, or another variation of non-monogamy is bisexual.

1)  How to Separate Sex from Love by Threesomes and Variations

2)  21 Points to consider before having your first threesome (singles) by Threesomes and Variations

3)  Emotional Strength and Polyamory Go Together Like… by Loving Without Boundaries

4)  Cover Almost Blown by Hope Swings

5)  Becoming Her Eunuch by mdsh143

6)  My Reminders by mdsh143

7)  I am Such an Awesome Wife by Krystalla

8)  Not All Women Swingers Are Bi by Krystalla

9)  Fantasy Fulfilled by Awakening of Kitty

10) Getting a Little Risque 😉 by Lifeofalovergirl

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2015

Week of 15 April 2015

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On Being Part of a Triad


Quite a provocative article exposing the forbidden fruit of having multiple relationships. It is an article that I wholeheartedly endorse and I encourage you to read too.

On Being Part of a Triad.

via On Being Part of a Triad.