First time? 10 things I should I expect


threesome experienceFirst time drawing near?

Having your first threesome is a lot like riding a bike for the first time without training wheels or your first kiss. It is is a lasting experience that will create a lasting impression. So, the question that is probably lurking, what should I expect from my first threesome?

Unlike twenty years ago or even a few years ago having a threesome is more accepted. However a lot of unbiased information does not exist. Too often talk shows, news, and even friends present a myopic image of the experience. There are a lot of reasons as to why this occurs, such as money, a point to be made, or to attract viewers. Whatever the reason, the experience gets missed in favor of glamorizing it.

1) Reality of having a threesome or cuckold is not like porn, television, or the movies.

Having a threesome experience or cuckold experience involves real people and real feelings with real consequences. Once you begin the process of exploring the idea your relationship will forever change. Expect to feel a variety of emotions, thoughts and feelings over a period of time. It is easy to react to them but do not. Allow a significant amount of time to pass and talk about your feelings before making any decision that may have long reaching consequences. Remember this reality and there is no magical way to reverse time to a point before having the experience.

2) Performance anxiety happens

Expectations can be built up  leading to stress that can lead to performance related issues. Performance anxiety shows up in many different ways:

Men:

  • In ability to become erect or maintain an erection
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Hesitation or reluctance
  • Nervousness, anxiety, withdrawing, or emotional

Women:

  • Lack of response
  • Unable to lubricate or maintain being wet
  • Emotional and / or withdrawing

Best way to minimize the effect of performance related issues is to limit expectations, keep realistic expectations, and communicate about issues as they occur.

3) Change

Everyday we learn something new, we grow from our experience and it is foolish to believe we do not change. By having a threesome, you will be introducing a lot of change to the relationship in a very short amount of time. Some change will occur very rapid. Changes that are likely to occur include:

  • As a couple the way you communicate
  • Attitude towards each other
  • How you view and relate to your spouse / partner
  • Beliefs towards relationships, marriage, and life
  • Feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

It is important to remember wanting a threesome or cuckold is a life changing experience that will have far-reaching effects. Therefore, it is important to be cautious and to remember your spouse / partner are also going through a similar experience even though they may not be showing the behaviors.

4) Different Starting and ending points

Having a threesome in some ways is like a sprint. Everyone starts at difference places but ends at the point. In a journey to have a threesome, everyone begins their journey with preconceived ideas based on beliefs and experiences. Once the journey begins and the idea of swinging is explored the idea becomes more tangible. This can lead to changes whereby the individual who initially brought-up the idea may become more calculating because the idea is no longer pure fantasy and an element of reality is entering. Likewise someone who may be reluctant and starts understanding the possibilities may become eager. It is therefore possible each person who begins this journey may find they undergo a transformation.

5) The third person

Swinging can have a far reaching effect on the individual and the relationship. Choosing the right third person is paramount in ensuring continuity, before and after the experience, and preserving the relationship. Also choosing the right third person can enhance the experience and make it a very caring experiencing

So, how do you find the right third person? The is a temptation, when starting out, to choose a friend or a co-worker. On the surface the choice appears logical. However choosing someone well known brings its own set of issues. Whilst it is impossible to speculate on every possible scenario, one thing is clear sometimes choosing someone that is unknown can be a better choice.

There is no guarantee any route you choose to find a third person will work. The best route, I believe, is method that uses all of the tools available to you. This includes using online sites asking questions and meeting the individual before any activity happens. It does not have to be a several month process of asking in depth questions and developing a close friendship. Instead it can be relatively brief to develop trust and feel confident the third person has your best interest at heart.

6) Nothing can be prepare you for the night

The day finally arrives. A mixture of feelings happen. Anxiety, fear, and the elation only to find the need to remain calm. Then a few hours before meeting the third person trying on several pieces of clothing happens and getting your hair just right. She looks beautiful and you begin looking at it as a night that will be remembered.

After a bit of socializing the discussion turns to sex. At first a few jokes get made, then the discussion becomes a bit more serious before discovering you have reached the point of no return. Everybody heads to the bedroom she undresses before laying on the bed. Soon everyone is naked and for a few minutes it is a very erotic experience.

Soon kissing, touching, and intimacy begins. All of the discussion and preparation culminates into this experience. There is a feeling of surrealism that fills the room. At first you soak in the experience but soon your beliefs begin to become challenged. It is almost as though something has overtaken your body. Your responses feel as though it is someone else in control. In some ways it is liberating because this is a feeling that has never been experienced and other ways it is frightening since it is easy to lose control.

Soon he enters your wife and a flood of emotions hit. Now there is no turning back and your relationship has forever been changed. She lays there, appearing to enjoy it. Her reaction makes you frightened and shatters everything you know of her.

7) Did it happen?

Having a threesome means accepting change will occur. After the threesome expect a lot of change to happen. Expect as the thrill wears off that there may be feelings of mourning, anger, and feelings of distance. This is normal. A lot has happened prior, during, and after the threesome. Now it is time for your mind to work through all of it.

During this time it is important to discuss feelings and the experience. This means do not shut your spouse out but use them as a resource. Having a threesome can be a powerful force that brings couples together if they are willing to work together instead of driving them away.

8) We will have another threesome?

It is good that you consider the idea and think about your experience. Most couples who have threesomes do not live a threesome lifestyle. Instead they may have an occasional, maybe a few in their relationship, and maybe they will only have one. The answer to that question depends on time and on the experience.

9) No one will know

After having a threesome it is possible to feel that everyone knows your secret. Most likely the only ones who know are the third person, your spouse, and you. It is unlikely others will know unless you were in public, you are well known, or you are upfront about having threesomes. In most situations, people are too afraid to ask or by ‘outting‘ they are also telling on themselves. This means in many circumstances no one will know unless you tell them.

10) Long-term implications

It is impossible to know the outcome when you begin your journey. If you approach having a threesome with love, trust, and caring for the participants then it is realistic to expect a positive outcome. Even if the initial experience is bad, in time, you may find the experience was beneficial or positive. Regardless of your initial feelings a threesome that has gone will can increase happiness, satisfaction, and communication in a relationship.

Other Articles of Interest:

10 Questions about Threesomes you were afraid to ask

Easing into a threesome

Threesome planning

Suggesting a threesome, what does it mean?

How to suggest a threesome

Threesome Terminology

Watching my wife having sex with someone else

Threesome positions

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10 Word Press articles you may have missed for the week of 5 May 2014


Intro

This week has been slow, with only a few pieces being published. Hopefully I have chosen a good cross-section that everyone can find something they enjoy.

Highlights

So What Are You Doing Friday Night? While I believe a bit more editing would have helped, nonetheless this article is a thought provoking article examining men responding to a woman who is the one pursuing them for sex.

Infidelity Fantasies a great short piece talking about the fantasy many men have but do not mention, being aroused by their wives cheating on them.

1) How I Seduced My Friend’s Wife by sexualimaginist

2) Jake’s Story (Chapter 2) by Tales of a Slut Wife

3) So What Are You Doing Friday Night? by Pyx

4) Infidelity Fantasies by Boy Lust

5) Caution! Tipsy Post by Krystalla

6)  5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries by Threesomes and Variations

7) 13 Things Porn Teaches Kids That Schools Does Not by Beyond The Tabloids

8) Surprise by Smarlene

9) Is Swinging Coming Out of the Closet by A Walk in the Snow

10) A Visit from a Friend by Sissymaid Diaries

April’s list

Week of 22 April 2014

Week of 15 April 2014

Week of 29 April 2014

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21 Points to consider before having your first threesome (singles)


Am I ready for my first threesome?

It is amazing the transformation attitudes towards having a threesome has gone through over the last 25 years. It has gone from the image of ‘seedy’ couples and ‘sex crazed’ guys to an acceptable practice. It goes without anything the transformation is incomplete and more needs to be done. However, it is now possible for both single men and single women to fulfill a part of their sexual need through a threesome. The reasons why a single man or a single might seek a threesome for their sexual need varies greatly, from wanting to explore the idea to being too busy for a relationship.

With that said, looking for a couple to have a threesome with can be time consuming endeavor that may yield no results or the results may not be what the individual was expecting. Plus it can mean making sacrifices in your personal life in order to have a threesome.

Below are some points for single men and women to consider before deciding to begin their search for their perfect threesome:

1)   Do I have the time to search for a suitable couple?

2)  Do I understand what is involved with having a threesome?

3)  Do I understand having a threesome is not like the porn movies and I will be interacting with real people?

4)  What is my sexual identity? Am I comfortable sexually interacting with someone of my own gender?

5)  Can I be outgoing, sociable? Am I able to start and hold my own in a conversation?

6)  Can I deal with rejection?

7)  What do I want from a threesome?

8)  Can I deal honestly with the couple and deal honestly with myself?

9)   Can I keep an emotional distance from the couple? If not, then is having a threesome the best choice for me?

10)  Can I have sex with someone if I am physically attracted to them without being emotionally attracted too?

11)  Can sex be a physical experience without it leading to a relationship?

12)  Wanting a relationship and wanting a threesome are many times incompatible. If given a choice which will pick? Why?

13)  Being the ‘third’ in a relationship means you are a tool, device, or toy for the couple. Thereby implying you are not an equal in their relationship and it implies you are replaceable.

14)  Can you be submissive and not dominate the relationship?

15)  Can you be intimate with two people at once while not becoming a part of their drama?

16)  Are you able to view the couple as a couple thereby respecting their relationship and not view it is an opportunity for NSA sex?

17) Am I assertive enough to say ‘no’ if I do not feel the situation will work?

18) Am I willing to practice safe-sex?

19) Do I have a plan for my physical and emotional safety?

20) What attitudes do I hold about couples who search for a threesome?

21) Can I take responsibility for my choices?

 

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The Power of Three(somes)


When considering the idea of having a threesome we want an ironclad guarantee that it will be successful, enjoyable, and our relationship will remain intact. Many of us look at a threesome like buying a new car with a try before you buy or money back guarantee. Some may look at having a threesome like calling a psychic hotline, seeing the future and knowing the outcome. Without some type of guarantee or without knowing the results of the threesome it makes many of reluctant to try it.

Dancetinyfox offers something worth considering and something I have been recently discussing too, liberation. The idea of having a threesome because it offers an opportunity to experience a unique form of happiness. The opportunity to selflessly share your spouse with someone else then bask in the happiness that it may bring through a loving and supporting relationship.

This article, for some, can offer a route to relationship happiness and fulfillment.

 

The Power of Three(somes).

via The Power of Three(somes).

12 points for single men and women to consider before having a threesome


IMG_80821) Can I emotionally handle having a threesome?

Having a threesome requires an emotional investment that will ultimately lead to the relationship with the couple ending.

2) What impact will having a threesome have on my current relationship?

Unless you have an open relationship having a threesome can be devastating for a relationship.

3) What impact will having a threesome with a couple have on them?

A single individual needs to understand not all couples have threesomes because it is a mutual decision. Sometimes couples have a threesome because there is an underlying issue that is not always noticeable to them. If it appears the couple has relationship issues then it is better to say ‘no’ and avoid the drama then becoming sucked into the relationship vortex.

4) What are my needs?

Especially for single males, finding a couple that is interested in them takes priority over communicating needs. It is important that you understand your needs and find a compatible couple that meets your needs.

5) Can I communicate my needs?

Having a threesome is more than sex. From my experience, I believe, having a threesome is the summit in communication. Having a threesome that works requires a lot of work in communicating, understanding your needs, and being able to compromise in order to make everyone happy. Without the ability to communicate, negotiate, and compromise then having an enjoyable threesome is very difficult.

6) What do I feel is my role in a threesome?

This goes inline with communication and need. Finding a threesome that will work means understanding they type of role you want in a threesome. Do you want a voyeur / soft-swinging, same-sex contact, or straight?

7) Will I be able to emotionally detach from the couple?

Unless the threesome involves an open relationship / polyamory then being able to keep an emotional distance will be necessary. Having a threesome means being able to separate sex from emotion and without that ability you will find you will struggle with it.

8) Can I cope with rejection?

Searching for a threesome will mean having to face rejection, especially if you are man. Without being to cope with rejection then you will find finding a threesome to be frustrating.

9) Am I willing to make having a threesome a priority?

Having a threesome, especially if you are man, will mean investment in time. If you cannot commit the time and make having a threesome a priority then you may find you struggle with finding a threesome.

10) Am I outgoing / extrovert?

Previously mentioned having a threesome is the summit of communication. Likewise having a threesome is a very social and very intimate experience. A couple is inviting you to a very intimate experience with them and getting past the ‘hurdles’ requires the ability to convince the couple you are the right choice for them. This is accomplished by speaking with both of them and not sitting like a log. If you cannot become outgoing in this type of situation then chance of success diminishes.

11) Same-sex contact, bi-curious, or straight?

In order to clarify the type of threesome you are wanting it is important to decide the limit, if any, on same-sex contact in the threesome. This will determine the type of couples that will contact you and what couples expect from you.

12) Can you see the couple as a couple instead of NSA sex?

Couples have a threesome for a plethora of reasons and it is important that you see the couple as a couple. Showing the couple respect for their relationship will help you convince them you are the right choice more than seeing a threesome as a chance for NSA sex.

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I Used To Be A Unicorn


Another great article from theshitshowthatismylife. She candidly speaks about unicorns, the difficulty finding one for a threesome, and how finding a bisexual woman does not necessary mean she is interested in a heterosexual couple. This is a great article for any couple searching for a second woman for their threesome.

I Used To Be A Unicorn.

via I Used To Be A Unicorn.

Swinging and Mental Health


Italiano: PTO / Disturbi mentali: Elenco di fr...Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationships

I found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.

When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.

While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points  Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.