Building up a relationship


Emotional Relationship Symbols in a Genogram

Consider for a moment you want to bring up the idea of having a threesome and want to have a good chance at success. One option is being bold by unexpectedly bringing up the idea. This approach has a 50 / 50 chance of being successful and it done at a time when your partner least expects it thereby catching them unprepared. If your partner is not assertive and agrees to the threesome then it could lead to feelings of remorse afterwards. Feeling remorse about a bad decision is never good for the survivability of a relationship. However there is another approach that may increase the chance of obtaining agreement and that approach involves building up your relationship before having the initial discussion.

The purpose of this technique is to build trust and build a sense of security in the relationship. It goes without saying building up your relationship is not a technique to manipulate your partner into having a threesome and if you not are sincere about building up your relationship in preparation for a threesome then there is a good chance you partner will discover your insincerity. Should you be insincere about your desire to improve your relationship and it is discovered it could adversely impact it. Therefore, in order to use this technique successfully it requires a sincere desire to improve your relationship with your partner and accept even though your partner may feel more secure in their relationship with you that it does not guarantee a threesome.

The starting point, understand there are two components. The first component regards removing issues that brings up conflict. A lot of time it comes down to how we are perceived and how we handle conflict. If for example, every time you bring up an issue and you start the conversation with, “there is something that I need to talk to you about,” it flags the conversation that they have done something that displeases you thereby getting them on the defensive before you say your first word. Instead try something different, such as saying something positive or give them a compliment. Saying something positive or nice can sometimes change the tone of the conversation.

On the surface the above may not seem important. However, this has a lot do with approaching the conversation regarding having a threesome. If there are trigger words or words that can invoke an emotional response then finding ways to remove those triggers becomes paramount preparation in having the initial discussion. By keeping those barriers, it makes it less likely that a productive discussion about having a threesome can occur.

Another aspect of removing conflict is working through issues that can cause problems. In a threesome situation jealousy and control are two issues in a relationship that can influence a threesome. Having a threesome means putting aside feelings in order to allow the threesome to occur and it means being able to allow things to happen without being too prescriptive. In this context it is important to learn how to “let-go” while being assertive and essentially this means making changes within ourselves to allow a threesome to happen.

Finally giving a compliment or doing something that is unexpected can have a positive impact. This can be anything from saying, “you look nice today,” to bringing home a dozen roses, or planning an impromptu dinner out. By doing this it can show how important your partner is to you.

Second part involves finding ways to connect. Working, caring for kids, activities and managing a household finding time as a couple is difficult. Without having enough time to connect, as a couple, it makes it difficult to feel secure in the relationship and bringing up suggestions like a threesome can be met with suspicion. Finding ways to connect does not always mean having a date night or sending the kids to the grandparents for the weekend. Instead it could be buying your partner flowers, having dinner together after the kids go to bed, having a conversation, or watching a movie. It means finding those opportunities, regardless of small they may be, in order to connect.

This means building up the relationship involves finding ways to remove the barriers to communication and letting your partner know how special they are to you. Also, it means it is a continuous process that occurs throughout the life of the relationship and it is not done solely to convince your partner to have a threesome. Finally it means resolving the outstanding issues and making changes within ourselves in order to increase the chance a threesome will occur. Regardless if you have a threesome and regardless your reason building up a relationship, this is something that should occur in every relationship to ensure that each person is happy.

15 thoughts on “Building up a relationship

  1. Bringing up the idea about having a threesome with your partner will always be a shock no matter how you prepare for the conversation. I still remember when my husband suggested He would like to do a threesome with me. I couldn’t believe it! We have a very secure and loving relationship; Why would He want to share me with another man? My husband is very romantic and He remembers to buys me flowers and little gifts for Anniversaries and for special occasions. We didn’t need any building up of our relationship but, I couldn’t say yes when he first brought up the question. Only after he kept suggesting it again and again, did I come to realize that this was something he was really serious about. What really convinced me to finally say YES was that I would really be doing him a great favor(I said OK but this was NOT my idea) by fulfilling a fantasy he has had for many years (Pervert) and that by going through with it would would prove my love for him by wanting to please him (Oh the things we do for love) and that afterwards the experience would increase our love for one another and bring us closer together as a couple than we have ever been before.(and that it certainly did).

    • Thank you for sharing this. I feel this comment highlights several things that having the conversation about a threesome can bring up. It shows that bringing it up does not necessarily mean it is a one shot thing and that with patience along with understanding your partner it may change. Also, I believe, it shows some of the feelings you can go through when it is first brought up. The confusion, the emotional turmoil, and finally the acceptance that can come. Finally your reply shows that having a threesome that is done correctly, it can bring about closer appreciation for you partner.

      While I agree with you that you do not always have to build up the relationship in order to have a threesome. I do feel, rightly or wrongly, there has to be the right mindset where you need to see the bigger picture instead of getting tied into the relationship dynamics, such as power or thriving off of conflict. My own feeling by taking time to build up the relationship, hopefully it changes the mind set from focusing solely on the individual’s needs to understanding how your partner’s needs relates back to your happiness. Thereby understanding that if your partner is happy then ultimately you will be happy too.

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