Tag Archives: men

How to have a mfm without being bisexual

Posted in Questions, Relationships, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

IMG_8704After receiving the ‘green light’, regarding exploring the idea of having a threesome, we quickly realize there are many hurdles that need negotiating before reaching the sought after threesome. Probably one of the earliest hurdles that presents itself is the threesome paradox:

Having a fmf means investing a lot of time with the most likely result being the second woman is bisexual. Thereby leaving out the male. However having a mfm may mean finding someone quicker but it will mean an assault on male-half of the couple’s sexuality?

One solution maybe  quid-pro-quo whereby the couple agrees to have a fmf and mfm only to find either they are unable to find a willing woman to join them or the man refuses going through with the planned mfm because it calls into question his sexuality. In this article, I will explore a guaranteed way of having a mfm without male-on-male contact

So, how do you have a mfm threesome without involving male-on-male contact? The first step is changing the mindset. Having a mfm is not about sexual identity. Speaking from personal experience, having a mfm threesome is about sharing and making his wife / girlfriend happy. Arguably, it is doing something for her and the relationship. For his wife / girlfriend and for them as a couple it is about liberation.

This means having a mfm is about an emotional experience whereby a couple can feel secure by trusting each other. By having a mfm threesome the man is giving permission to his wife / girlfriend to enjoy someone else, trusting her feelings will remain for him and she will not violate the boundaries they have set. Also, he is trust the male the invite will respect their boundaries, respect their relationship, and enjoy his spouse / girlfriend.

Final step is selecting the correct male. From my experience, I do not believe homophobic males make a good choice for a threesome. I believe they tend to view having a threesome as a way to have ‘no strings sex’ and can get obsessive about anything that might seem gay. This can create issues in the threesome especially between the males and finding someone who is comfortable with their sexuality is a better choice.

Also I believe there is no guaranteed way of finding a compatible male. Instead I believe the type of male in the situation is a male who respects boundaries, is outgoing, and someone who makes each of you feel comfortable. Then as all of you progress towards having a threesome, they are someone who looks to take cues and does not look to take advantage of any situation that may present itself.

Having a threesome whereby there is no male-on-male contact, involves having the correct mind-set. This involves each man being secure in their sexual identity and not seeing the threesome about challenging their sexual identity. Instead viewing it as an experience that can can be quite enjoyable by focusing on pleasing her. Therefore the guaranteed way to have a mfm threesome without challenging a man’s sexuality identity involves trust, communication, and a desire to share his wife / girlfriend with another man.

 

 

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I Used To Be A Unicorn

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Threesome Articles by other authors, Threesome opinions by

Another great article from theshitshowthatismylife. She candidly speaks about unicorns, the difficulty finding one for a threesome, and how finding a bisexual woman does not necessary mean she is interested in a heterosexual couple. This is a great article for any couple searching for a second woman for their threesome.

I Used To Be A Unicorn.

via I Used To Be A Unicorn.

Swinging and Mental Health

Posted in Relationships, Threesome Articles by other authors by

Italiano: PTO / Disturbi mentali: Elenco di fr...Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationships

I found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.

When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.

While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points  Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.

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FAQs regarding soft-swinging

Posted in FAQ, Types of threesomes by

masturbation b

What is soft-swinging?

The term soft-swinging implies that the couple involves someone else with them when sex occurs between them. However the involvement of the third person is limited to no oral or penetrative sex. This means in most situations woman on woman activity is not included in the definition and the role of the third person includes a voyeuristic element to it.

Does the definition include all male on male activities?

The definition does allow for mutual male masturbation and incidental contact between the males, provided no oral or penetrative sex occurs in the threesome.

What female on female activity does the definition include?

The definition includes kissing, touching, caressing, breast play, mutual masturbation and not involving toys or a strap-on.

How come you have excluded most female on female activity from the definition?

This author believes a strong argument can be made that female on female activity by definition is soft-swinging since it is impossible for penetrative sex without the aid of a toy. However, this author goes beyond the mechanics and looks at the broader picture. If penetration is occurring, regardless if it is a toy or a penis, then it is sex.

Are there any advantages of soft-swinging over a full swap?

The term advantage is perceptual and depends on the planned situation and definition of soft-swinging being used. Arguably soft-swinging may offer a lower risk of STD / STI, may offer a lower risk of pregnancy by the third person, preserves monogamy, and it can give the couple a group sex experience without having sex with the third person.

 Are there any disadvantages to soft-swinging?

Again the response depends on the definition of soft-swinging and the planned situation. Some possible disadvantages may include feeling sexually frustrated due to sex with the third person did not occur, feeling pressure to have a full-swap, and inviting a third person to participate in sex brings up further issues.

Does safe-sex need to be practiced in a soft-swing situation?  

Yes, since safe-sex is more about protection from STDs /STIs than pregnancy. For example, herpes and HIV / AIDs do not require intercourse or oral sex to be transmitted. Instead it requires a person come into contact with the infection and the infection to be transmitted through an unprotected barrier.

What positions work in a soft-swing situation?

Since the third person does not have sex with the couple and only take on a voyeur role, when it comes to sex, then question applies to couple. Generally speaking any position works. However, if the goal is ‘give a show’ for the third person then doggie-style, big dipper, or fusion may be positions to consider.

How can we incorporate the third person?

The response depends, to a large extent, on the needs of the couple and their limits. Inviting someone to watch can be quite erotic. However, if you are looking to incorporate them then there a lot of options:

Two Males

  • Mutual masturbation in order to arouse the woman, to arouse each other, and to provide a sexual release for the third person.
  • Invited male caressing the woman and / or giving her a message
  • Invited male caressing her breasts, sucking and playing with her nipples.
  • Invited male kissing the woman
  • Woman masturbating her partner in front of the third person
  • Woman masturbating the invited male
  • Woman having sex with her male partner in front of the invited third person

Two Women

  • Invited woman masturbating the male
  • Invited woman kissing, caressing, and touching the male or woman
  • Two women physically interacting, short of penetration, in order to arouse the male and them.
  • The couple having sex in front of the invited woman

What advice can you give to single males regarding soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging means you will not be having sex with the couple and there will be a voyeur aspect to the role. Nonetheless, it does mean some male on male contact is possible, such as touching or mutual masturbation. Also, it means that some physical contact with the woman is possible. Next it means if a couple opts for soft-swinging it does not necessarily mean at a later date they will be open to a full-swap. Some couples enjoy soft-swinging and it maybe as far as it progresses with them. This means for you, do not agree to a soft-swinging situation with the expectation that a full swap will occur at a later date. Lastly, it means it can be a situation that leaves you feeling sexually frustrated afterwards. Therefore, the choice is yours; it is important to remember in this situation you need to communicate your needs and your desired activities to the couple.

If we have an open relationship is soft-swinging a good way to have an intimate encounter with my partner / spouse and my lover?

A lot depends on the boundaries that have been agreed and it also depends if all three of you can be comfortable in the situation. If all three of you can be comfortable and it will not destroy the relationship(s) that have been developed then it is something worth exploring the idea. Should all three of you agree it is workable and all three of you feel that you can work through the feelings then it is something to try. It maybe all three of you find it leads to a very erotic experience.

If we have an open relationship and want to try soft-swinging then who does not participate and takes on the voyeur role?

It depends on how you define open relationship and the type of open relationship you have. If it is not a polyamorous or ménage da trios then it is this author’s feeling it should be the individual with whom the secondary relationship is formed. However, if you are in a polyamorous or menage da trios relationship, then this author feels this open to negotiation among the three of you.

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Threesome myths

Posted in Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

Fendi06

Introduction

During ratings sweep it is possible to see a tantalizing article about couples who take part in threesomes and it is fairly easy to find a talk show, covering the topic in some form.  From watching the news, news programs and talk shows it is easy to form an opinion of having a threesome. However do we ask, is this an accurate portrayal or is a perspective being given to get ratings? This author will take a look at some of the perceptions of threesomes and will try to expose some of the myths around them.

Since the couple does not have an open relationship there is no risk to the relationship

Porn movies are notorious for portraying a threesome as a way to have sex without the consequences and no opening up the relationship probably carries less risk. Nonetheless, the reality is any decision, including the decision to have a threesome, carries consequences and having a threesome can impact a couple’s relationship.  The fact that the relationship is no open does not mean residual feelings from having the threesome or by having a threesome it brings up underlying issues. Since there is no guarantee a threesome will work, the best advice is to talk through having a threesome and continue to talk about it to address any feelings that may linger afterwards.

Every man wants fmf threesome

Every man does not want a two woman threesome. A man is person who has feelings, beliefs and experiences. This means not every man wants a fmf threesome because it goes against their beliefs or from their experiences they feel a threesome is not in their best interest.  Those who do have a threesome, most, will have a two male threesome. This is not because they are bisexual or gay; instead it is because a single man is more likely to take part in a threesome than a single woman.

Best choice for a threesome is a friend, a co-worker, or an ex lover

While a friend, a co-worker, or an ex lover may work as a choice for a threesome in some limited circumstances. The reality is each one provides their own issues and risks that make choosing them a risky choice. It is this author’s feeling anyone considering a threesome, especially if discretion and privacy is a concern, to look for someone they do not know well.

Having a threesome will add ‘spice’ to the relationship and fix relationship problems such as, stopping my partner / spouse from cheating

Threesomes cannot fix relationship or add spice to a relationship that has become stagnant.  This author feels a threesome can bring issues forward issues that exist in the relationship and weaken a relationship that is struggling. Therefore, this author feels, the best approach is to solve the underling issues and work at developing the relationship before considering a threesome.  Essentially this means a threesome should not be considered as a solution to a relationship issue but as a way to potentially grow the relationship.

During foreplay or during ‘pillow talk’ my partner / spouse express a wish to have a threesome

If you partner / spouse express an interest in having a threesome during foreplay or ‘pillow talk’ then it is a good idea to speak to them outside of the bedroom to clarify their feelings. Just because during arousal or in the afterglow they express these feelings, it does not mean the interest continues. Without talking about the idea during the day it is difficult to know their true feelings and acting on such a statement without understanding their feelings may result in problems for the relationship later.

I am not the jealous type and I do not see having a threesome as being a problem

Until a threesome occurs it is impossible to know your reaction. Having a threesome can elicit a roller-coaster of emotions and even though who do not believe they are jealous may feel jealous once they see their partner / spouse having sex with someone else.

I am the jealous type and should not have a threesome

In most cases being jealous will make having a threesome difficult but it does not mean it will be impossible. If it is possible to talk through the feelings before hand, set a signal to let your partner / spouse know you are becoming uncomfortable or if you can view having a threesome being about physical pleasure instead of emotional bonding then it is possible that having a threesome is not out of reach.  However, if jealousy leads to anger, violent reactions, or conflict then it is advisable to work on the issue of jealousy before having a threesome.

Boundaries are not needed since I want my partner / spouse to experience everything

A couple cannot expect every possible scenario for a threesome and their possible reaction. Having boundaries define the limits of a threesome and give a safety-net for the threesome. It allows each participant to understand what behavior is acceptable and the personal limits each person has.  Even though boundaries will not prevent every possible issue from surfacing; it helps the couple to mitigate any potential conflict, build trust, and be pro-active in preventing possible conflict.

Having a threesome is cheating

In this author’s opinion, having a threesome is not cheating provided the boundaries are not intentionally or recklessly violated. This means as long as the couple is agreement and they adhere to their boundaries, then this author feels no cheating has occurred.

I do not want to have a threesome but my partner / spouse does,  I should agree to have a threesome in order to make them happy.

Having a threesome can bring up powerful feelings and can involve a complex web of emotions. Deciding to have threesome to make someone happy may seem like a caring act in order to strengthen a relationship. However must be asked, what about your feelings? If you find you are opposed to a threesome then it is possible it may bring up other feelings (e.g. feeling of losing self in the relationship, your needs not getting met, etc.) these feelings may have an adverse impact on your perception of the threesome and adversely impact your relationship. Therefore it is important to balance your needs against the need to have a threesome for your partner.

If my partner is agreeable then a threesome should happen fairly quickly

Planning and finding someone that is compatible can take time, especially if it is a fmf. The first step in having a threesome is discussing the idea; however, it can take weeks, months, year, or it may never happen. A part of the length is based on the type of threesome being planned, the issues that need resolving, and finding someone who is compatible.

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FAQs Finding a third person

Posted in FAQ, Miscellaneous, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

English: Search of Space

What are some of the common places to find a third person for a threesome?

There are several websites dedicated to this, along with swingers clubs, dogging locations, and lifestyle events such as munches. Sometimes finding a couple that is interested in sharing or where one of them is interested in a voyeur role is another possibility.

What are some uncommon places to find a third person?

Finding a third person for a threesome takes patience and being able to think ‘outside of the box.’ The more you search and the more receptive you are to other possibilities the greater the chance, this author believes, you have in finding someone.  This could mean if, for example, you start a conversation with someone in the check-out line they could potentially be your third person. The point is, if you have good communication skills, confident, and extroverted then it is possible any situation could lead in finding your third.

Are co-workers, ex lovers, and friends good choices for threesomes?

This author feels, in most situations, they are not good choices.

Is using an escort or a prostitute a good idea for a threesome, especially fmf?

In most places in the world prostitution is illegal, including Las Vegas. Furthermore, even in the few places where prostitution is legal, the risk of STDs / STIs still remains high; not to mention the risk of arrest where it is illegal and the potential risk to your job.

Should we find someone in our town or out of town?

This depends on your level of comfort, the size of your town, and the distance between towns. In this author opinion, if being discreet is essential and you live in a relatively small town then you are probably better off finding someone out of town. Likewise if your job would be at risk if it is discovered you are having a threesome then the more you can do to protect your privacy then the better. Nonetheless the distance to drive to meet someone becomes a factor and driving great distance may not be worth the investment. Simply put there is no easy answer here and it depends on the needs of the couple.

Is it better to have a threesome while on holiday / vacation?

Being on holiday / vacation does allow for easing of personal space and allows for openness that does not always occur in our day to day lives. Also, it can allow for an opportunity to protect your privacy, to a greater extent. Lastly being on holiday / vacation can create a situation where a threesome is more likely to occur. However, you do not need to wait until you are on holiday / vacation to search for a threesome and can have one anytime.

If we are having a full threesome or a soft-swinging experience then should we should choose someone that it similar to us?

Not necessarily, a short-term threesome usually involves focusing on the physical enjoyment of the experience and preventing the formation of an emotional bond with the third person. By selecting someone who is similar, increases the chance that one of you will become emotionally involved with them and adversely impact your relationship. Instead, this author feels, the focus should be on finding someone that you physically attracted to but there is enough of a difference that prevents an emotional bond from being formed. In this author’s opinion this analogous to a ‘friend with benefits’ situation.

How long should we communicate with the third person before having the threesome?

This depends, for example, on the frequency of communication, the distance to be traveled for the meeting, and the type of threesome being planned. If a full-threesome or a soft-swinging encounter is being planned then this author feels the amount of communication should be enough to judge the safety of the situation, if the person meets your needs, and agreement on boundaries. However, if this is a situation where it might ongoing, a cuckold, or a menage da trios then the communication should enough where a relationship can form.

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