Have you ever found the idea of having a threesome arousing, especially during foreplay? Only to find, apprehension about the idea or concerns about preserving the relationship forces at least one of you to step-back from the idea? Stepping back from the idea after taking steps towards it can create feelings of frustration and wishing there might be happy medium. It can also create “mixed-messages” and confusion regarding true intentions about having a threesome. For some couples the practice of soft-swinging may offer an alternative or a route to have a threesome by approaching the idea slowly.
Defining soft-swinging is not easy since the term does not have a universal definition and for the purpose of this article it will mean a two male threesome, mfm, whereby the invited male is not sexually involved with the couple that invited them. Soft-swinging does not include foursomes where there is no interaction between the couples and it does not mean a two women threesome, fmf, whereby the male watches. Also for the purpose of this article, soft-swinging does not include oral, anal, or vaginal sex. It therefore means, soft-swinging involves any activity that does not involve penetration or close sexual contact with the invited male.
This leads this author to the question, why would a couple choose to have a soft-swinging experience? There are numerous reasons. However the most likely reasons include: it can keep the couple:
- sexually monogamous
- keeps the couple physically monogamous
- significantly reduces the risk of STDs/STIs
- significantly reduces the chance of pregnancy
- for some couples it can serve as a gateway to the group sex scene including threesomes
- it provides the couple with the opportunity to have someone watch them having sex
Essentially, soft-swinging for couple provides a taste of having a threesome while minimizing the risks of having a threesome and it also provides for a couple a chance to experience a threesome without fully committing to it. This means soft-swinging can offer couples the best of worlds, protecting the relationship and having sex while someone else is present.
What are the drawbacks of soft-swinging? On the surface it can appear there are limited drawbacks to soft-swinging but as with anything else, soft-swinging does have its limitations. One major limitation is finding someone interested. Soft-swinging can leave the invited third person feeling sexually frustrated and it can leave them loosing interest in the couple if they believe a threesome will occur that does not occur. Final drawback it can be emotionally intense especially if an individual participating in it is not ready for it. Essentially, this means it can cause emotional damage to the relationship if boundaries are crossed or it was more that what they were expecting.
So, how do you find someone interested in soft-swinging? It is not always easy since this practice is a sub-set of the threesome community and interest tends to be with having a threesome instead of soft-swinging. Nonetheless, you can look in the same places as you can for a threesome. The best advice is being upfront and honest about the limitations to the encounter.
For some couples soft-swinging can provide an alternative to a threesome or can provide a bridge for having one. Nonetheless soft-swinging call allow a couple to remain monogamous to each other while experiencing a threesome. However, soft-swinging can expose a couple to the emotional issues and similar risks that a couple having a threesome will face. Therefore a couple deciding to try soft-swinging needs to evaluate the risks and potential benefits before deciding to undertake soft-swinging.