Tag Archives: threesome opinion

7 steps of easing her into swinging or cuckolding

Posted in Cuckolding, Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Threesome Planning by

hotwifeHow can I convince her?

The Fantasy

What is attractive about the idea of her being with someone else? Is it being able to share her with someone else and watching her enjoy herself? Maybe it is having too small of penis to properly please her and having someone that is larger do something you are not able to do? Finally it might be the freedom of giving her a variety of lovers that fulfills her in different ways and ultimately improves your relationship with her. Regardless of the reason moving from fantasy to reality is never easy.

Step 1: Begins with you

Before bringing up the idea of cuckolding or having a threesome it is important to think through the idea and consider the consequences and the possible outcomes from the experience. Without thinking about it, discussing the idea will be difficult because you will not understand what you want from the experience.

Think for a moment what type of experience do you want?

Also think about the limits and boundaries you need to feel comfortable. For some just starting out there is a feeling having no boundaries is the best route since it allows for total exploration and I disagree with that approach. Each of us has limits that allows us to feel secure and without some basic boundaries, it opens the possibility of feelings being hurt.

Finally take a close look at your relationship and what a threesome will mean. Think about things such as:

  • Can you cope with seeing her being pleasured by someone else?
  • Can you cope with knowing she has been with someone else?
  • What feelings does envisioning her with someone else elicit?
  • What impact will it have on the relationship?
  • What are the possible outcomes from having a threesome or a cuckold?
  • If you are looking at something long-term, how will the relationship handle the various feelings that may arise?

Step 2: Introducing the idea in the bedroom

Talking about sharing your girlfriend or wife with someone else is never easy and it can elicit strong feelings. Sometimes it is better to start the discussion while it it abstract and done in a non-threatening way. Since you have thought about the idea and hopefully done some research, introducing the idea as a part of foreplay should be easy. Speaking from experience the role play does not have to elaborate. In my opinion, it is best to start slow and maybe ask her about her fantasies. Many women will stay they do not have one and I find this true. If she state she does not have fantasy then share your fantasy with her. Then slowly, in a calculated way, build on to the fantasy. If she begins showing an interest in the fantasy, it is important to remember there is a difference between the fantasy and reality.

Step 3: Securing the relationship

Preparing for a threesome or a cuckold will mean ensuring the relationship is strong enough to withstand the challenges it can bring. This means making a change to the relationship along with how you relate to her. A lot will depend on making her feel secure in the relationship and eliminating potential conflict that an experience such as cuckolding can bring.

Step 4: The Discussion

I found a good YouTube video on the topic and it might be worth watching.

By introducing the fantasy the discussion may happen organically but if it does not then, I believe after allowing the fantasy to develop, as a part of foreplay, being direct  is the best route. Reason, why I believe being direct is the best route. At this point she suspect you may want the fantasy and being subtle about it will only make her suspicious.  The discussion need to occur outside of the bedroom and when there is minimal distraction. It does not need to be long but it needs to be from the ‘heart.’ Also it needs to be done in a way that is reassuring and does not make her feel threatened. Be prepared for her being upset and be prepared that it will be a journey. Finally be prepared to negotiate and compromise.

Step 5: After the discussion

It is important that you are emotionally available to answer any questions that she may have and not to damage the discussion by negatively reacting to any outburst she may have from the discussion. It is important to recognize that this part may take months or even years before it resolves itself. Also it is important no to pressure her and give her ample time to process the information. It is possible you may get close to the threesome or cuckold then find her changing her mind. Allow it to happen and be supportive. Most likely it is a sign she is struggling with it and trying to work through it.

Step 6: Seek out opportunities

By now the fantasy is moving to a possibility. Seeking opportunities involves gauging where your spouse / girlfriend is at with the idea. If the appear hesitant but open to the idea then easing them into it might help Easing them is offering opportunities to do things that might help progress the idea without seeming threatening to them such as:

  • flirting with another man  / woman
  • wearing no panties under her skirt
  • going to a strip club  or lap dancing club together
  • watching threesome or cuckolding porn together
  • attend a swingers club to watch
  • giving a ‘hall pass’ or permission

Step 7: Resolution

At this point it either will happen or not. There is no way to convince someone to have a threesome or cuckold. The best that can be done is provide the opportunity and a supporting environment for it to happen. Then result will depend on our ability to community, negotiate, and to love her for who she is not what she can give to us.

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Fantasy versus Reality of Having a threesome: Chapter 5 Resolving the Dilemma of Privacy versus Having a Threesome

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Threesome opinions by

Introduction

After much discussion agreement is reached beginning the search for the third. Going through profiles in order to research the site and get feel for the tone of the profiles reality hits, someone may know me / us? Likewise driving to meet someone who may have enough interest for a threesome a question comes up, what I / we do if we see someone we know? Maybe on the way back home to have the threesome, the question that was overlooked, do we have any identifiable information laying out that can be discovered? If it is a friend who is chosen then a lingering question becomes, will our friends find about the threesome? The above scenarios highlight an issue every threesome faces, the issue of privacy and how to protect yourself.

Like every decision, having a threesome carries risk and a risk is privacy. Privacy covers everything from knowing information about you that you would prefer not to be known to being exposed, ‘outted,’ as it sometimes referred. If your families, friends, co-workers know about your threesome lifestyle then being ‘outted,’ is not a risk. For those who are just starting out or those who work in public facing roles, this can have a devastating impact. This article will address this issue and provide an opinion regarding how to mitigate this issue.

Understanding the Risk:

This involves asking yourself, what is the worst that can happen if people knew? If your job has a moral turpitude clause in your contract or you work in a right-to-work state then it could mean the loss of your job. If the threesome involves someone who has decision about bids then it could be seen a bribery. In a public facing role then it could mean people treat you differently and depending on the role it could mean some type of action being taken against you. Short of these then the most likely outcome will be people who do not understand the decision. This could mean some loss of friends, friends who try to ‘fix you,’ because they do not agree with the decision, or distance from people who do not understand.

The other side to this is asking what happens if the person / couple that is invited knows about my personal life? For some this may not be an issue. However for others with children, in public facing roles, jobs that may be at risk, or do not want others knowing then the questions becomes, what is the impact if the other person(s) knew? Asking this becomes helpful in determining how much personal information about yourself you want to share and the risk of sharing it. The less you know about the person / people you are inviting then less personal information you should share.

Asking yourself, if the risk is worth it becomes paramount to any decision to have a threesome.

Coming up with a Plan:

After thinking about the risk of people finding out the next question becomes, how to deal with people if they find out. This might mean having specific approaches to different people. For a friend that is open-minded but who can be judgmental at times then saying, “I am not looking to be judged and it is my decision. It was a good experience but I do not know if I will do it again,” might be sufficient. Whereas a friend / family member who oppose the idea taking a stronger tone might be more appropriate such as, “I am not discussing it.”

In contrast those who might be supportive and want to know about it, the issue becomes what to share? This type of situation requires keeping the identity of the other(s) private and not providing any information that could identify them. Just because they may not know the other(s) you invited, it does not mean anyone else they tell may be able to deduce who they are from your description, in this situation ‘less is more.’

Protecting Your Identity and Information:

Thinking about the risk to your identity are who may cause issues is important starting point since it will help with taking the next step, knowing how to protect your identity and information. The greater the risk you face the more you will need to work at keeping your information private and your identity private. This means any conversation you have, any profile created, any ad, and any reply you need to have a consistent set of information. Simply put creating an alias that provides some basic information but hides information that can identify you, for example:

  • A couple living in Skokie, Ill becomes a couple living in the Chicago area.
  • Brad & Janet now becomes Mary & Joseph
  • A math teacher in for a high school in South Dakota becomes an educator
  • Age – never use your real age and tweak it bit by + / – 5 years
  • Height / measurements – never use your real measurements. Instead use approximates or words
    • 190 lb & 6’0 – can become slightly taller than average height with build in line with height
    • 275 lbs & 6’1 – can become tall with a large build
    • Hair color, eye color, skin tone, tattoos – avoid a lot of detail, keep it approximate, and avoid giving away information that can identify you
  • Length of marriage or relationship – is optional and keep it approximate. Instead of saying married 22 years instead say, married nearly 25 years.
  • Job – Is optional, if stated never state company and keep it vague like educator or engineer.
  • Family size – should never be stated unless children are over 18 and not living at home. Then profile / ad becomes children have left for university or are now married. In all situations this is optional.
  • Address or any other identifiable information – should never be listed.

Protecting your identity goes further, especially if you bring anyone to your place. Depending on your level of comfort you may want to put family photos, especially children photos, out of sight. Also any bank information, credit card, or any other information that could be used to steal your identity should be put out of sight.

If you are asked specifics about yourself then you will have to decide if it is relevant, why they need to know, and more importantly if you are comfortable disclosing it. Sometimes questions are asked as a part of conversation to be social and other times it is more about learning about you. The latter can be dangerous since it can lead to feelings developing and identifying who you are.

Dealing with Request for Information:

This can become a balancing act. If you withhold too much information then it may seem as though you are aloof and hiding something. However too much information you may risk exposure and potentially more. There is no simple answer to this beyond stating using your judgement, understanding the risk involved, and if necessary being assertive by stating, “I am not comfortable talking about that.”

Conclusion:

The above is an opinion regarding how to protect your privacy while having a threesome. Each situation is different the risk needs to be evaluated. The greater the adverse impact of having a threesome on your job and / or personal life then the greater the need for protecting your privacy. The more threesomes you have then the more you will learn the level of information that is required and the extent to which you need to protect yourself.

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Threesome stages

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Stages, Threesomes by

Threesome clothes pins

Introduction

The purpose of this article is providing some guidance regarding the progression that the discussion about a threesome can occur. It is not a definitive guide and is only meant as a basic resource. Also this guide meant to be a basic resource documenting the threesome process between couples. It is important to note not all couples will go through all stages, some may go through them faster and some may go through them in a different order. Finally by using this guide it can help a couple determine where they are at in the threesome process and if they feel they have missed a stage then it might be a sign they have omitted something that needs to happen. If a couple feels they have missed something then it could indicate a potential problem might occur and before proceeding to have a threesome then the couple should determine what else needs to occur before the threesome happens.

1) Pre-Planning

Pre-meeting is the point at which the idea of having a threesome remains aloof and abstract. It is the point where the couple explores the idea with no formal contact is made with a potential third person.

Fantasy Exploration

At this stage the idea of having a threesome is theoretical and abstract. This means the idea is explored globally in a non-threatening way, such as sharing a fantasy during foreplay and the specifics about having a threesome evades the couple. Below are two possible strategies employed to test the idea of having a threesome is seen as something that will happen in the distant future. Essentially this stage is where the couple tries getting comfortable enough with the idea by exploring the idea as a theoretical idea before moving to discuss the idea as a possibility.

Foreplay / Bedroom

This is where the idea can be informally introduced as a part of “pillow talk” or introduced as a part of foreplay.  Introducing the idea of having a threesome through foreplay or “pillow-talk” does not always happen first and sometimes it might happen later in the process. The purpose here, this author feels, is to gage their partner’s reaction to the idea and present it in a non-threatening way.  Furthermore this stage differs from using fantasy as a role-playing tool since the idea of having a threesome is still foreign to the couple and the fantasy is very intangible that is missing a lot of the elements that are required for role-playing.

At this point, it is impossible to plan a threesome since the discussions is about the fantasy of having a threesome rather than the reality of it thereby being impossible to know what each person feels about the idea of having a threesome.

Discretely Testing the Idea

The idea maybe tested before talking about the idea. Typically this could involve talking about topics relating to threesomes such as cheating, what makes a relationship last, or media topics relating to threesomes. Alternatively this may show up in other ways such as watching threesome porn or talking about celebrities or people they find attractive. This approach is very broad gauge that may not always be accurate, about general attitudes towards threesomes and how their partner might respond to the suggestion of having a threesome.

2) Planning

Up until now the idea of having a threesome remained abstract and theoretical. During this stage the idea begins moving from being something intangible to something more tangible. Planning means, initial steps are taken planning the threesome and if this stage is successful then steps are taken to find a third person. Normally the planning stage will occur first and once enough discussion has occurred here and an understanding regarding the structure of the threesome is agreed then meeting the third person occurs. Once the couple meets the third person this stage then occurs simultaneously with the meeting stage, as the couple further review, modifies, and make any changes to their initial plan.

Initial Discussion

There is some indication, either through fantasy exploration or desire to have a threesome that a conversation regarding having a threesome occurs outside of the bedroom. At this stage, the idea of having a threesome becomes tangible. Discussing what it might like to have a threesome, the potential impact, and issues may occur on a global scale. However the specifics of the threesome, the timing of it, and if it is going to happen still remain somewhat intangible. Many couples do not get beyond this stage due to personal beliefs or the threesome being proposed is not the type of threesome they want; however those who can get beyond this stage will begin further discussions regarding having a threesome.

Further Discussions

This may occur shortly after the initial discussion or a significant time after the initial discussion. These discussions regard more specific aspects of having a threesome, such as boundaries, the type of person to invite, and where to have it. The timing of this stage may take anywhere from a very short amount of time to a few years to complete.

Simulating / Testing the Idea

This is an optional stage where the couple may find ways of getting comfortable with the idea of having a threesome or understanding how they might react. At this stage the couple may try role playing the idea, going to a lap dance club, posting photos on the internet, or other ways of testing their level of comfort with the idea. In many ways this optional stage is meant to give the couple an opportunity to take “baby steps” towards having a threesome. It does not mean they will have one but it serves as a way of preparing to have one.

Search

At this point enough communication has occurred that indicates there is an interest in having a threesome either by agreement to begin the search or behavior indicating an interest exists. Once searching begins it is usually done in conjunction with the further discussion stage to ensure the threesome is being handled correctly.

3) Meeting

At this stage, based on the couple’s discussion during the planning phase, the couple has begun searching for a third person to join them in a threesome.

Initial Contact

Depending on the strategy used the initial contact can be either via email or in person.  During this stage the couple and the third person discover more about each other.

Meeting the Third Person (Optional)

If the initial conversations occurred via email then a meeting is arranged. All three meet and if the agreement is made there is enough common interest for a threesome to occur then it will occur. The threesome might occur immediately after or it might occur shortly thereafter if the meeting was a meet and greet.

4) Threesome

At this stage the threesome occurs as planned

5) Post Threesome

Debriefing

Couple talks through the threesome and finds a way to reconnect afterwards. This does not necessarily need to be a long drawn out process and can be done fairly quickly.

Next Steps

After the threesome has occurred the couple decides if they will continue with having another threesome of if they are going to take a break.

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Fantasy verus reality of having a threesome: Part 4 – the myth of dating

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning by

Relationship between A B C

Heart is racing, mind is going racing about future meetings, and still on the adrenaline high from having a successful threesome. There is a belief that since it work it is something that can be enduring and thoughts about the next encounter begin forming almost like a first date.

There are some who may equate having a threesome with dating due to the similarities such as the anxiety about the first meet, need for communication and of course sex. The reality is there is a difference. A full-swap or soft-swing threesome is about physical pleasure. Whereas dating is about finding someone for the long-term. This means a fundamental difference between having a threesome and dating exists, the need for a relationship.

Another fundamental difference between dating and having a threesome exists. Since the primary purpose of soft-swinging or full-swap threesome is about physical pleasure it means forming a relationship is not a core necessity and it most likely mean only enough information is collected in order to decide if a threesome should occur. Also it means since the focus is on pleasure and not relationship formation most threesome relationships do not last beyond a few encounters unless the purpose is some form of open relationship.

So, why define relationship? This author feels, it is important to understand the term and what investment is needed in order to make the type of threesome work. Relationship is a word that takes on multiple meanings and is difficult to define. In a threesome situation the word is used in three different contexts. The first context is in regards to developing enough of a relationship that sex can occur. This is quite similar to a working relationship where a relationship is needed so that the necessary work can occur, it needs to be maintained so that any future work will go smoothly, and finally it is a relationship that needs to be developed quickly. In this context relationship is formed regardless of feelings, regardless of friendship, and it is formed due to a common objective that is being sought.

Second context is the more common usage of the word relationship it refers to a friendship or deeper relationship based on shared common feelings for one another. Typically friendships are formed for the long-term and are meant to be lasting. In this usage of the term the formation of feelings serves a common objective for the formation of a long-term relationship. Feelings are not necessarily sexual, they are not necessary unfathomable but serve as the glue that binds the individuals in their common objective. This means for a threesome where the focus is on pleasure allowing feelings to develop can upset the equilibrium that exists and cause problems for the couple’s relationship. In order to mitigate the risk of feelings limiting the number of encounters with the same person or developing a network of friends for threesomes becomes paramount.

Third context, regards long-term threesomes, such as cuckolding and typically two additional words are used primary and secondary relationships. Primary relationship is the couple’s relationship and the secondary relationship is the relationship formed with sexual partners outside of the relationship. Typically this type of relationship shows varying degrees of both definitions.

For a threesome that is not meant be long-term to be successful the relationship needs to similar to the first definition and it is akin to a friend with benefits relationship. This means that taking time to develop a friendship, a deep understanding of each other, and going through the lengthy dating ritual is not necessary. Instead it means the time needed to get to know each other should be done during the initial stages and only to the depth necessary to make a decision regarding if the third person meets the couple’s requirements. Once the couple has made their decision the relationship only needs to be maintained long enough for threesome to occur.

If at some time the short-term threesome relationship moves to where feelings begin to develop then the threesome needs to end. Each person in a threesome situation is responsible for their feelings and responsible for what is communicated. Should feelings begin to develop this need to be discussed and ending the threesome needs to immediately happen. There are many reasons for ending it but in essence it is done to preserve the marital relationship. The maintaining the marital relationship takes precedence over any other reason. Plus the threesome has moved away from its primary objective and if left to continue will prove to be destructive for all involved.

Once the current threesome relationship has ended the couple needs to take a break and work through what happened. After understanding how feelings began to develop for the third person the couple needs to update their boundaries in an effort to guarantee that this does not happen again.

Below are a few additional suggestions to minimize the chance a threesome relationship begins creating feelings for the third person:

  • Find more than one playmate
  • Avoid exclusive relationships
  • Limit the number of times you play with the same person to either one off situation or a few limited times
  • Keep the time between playing with the same person long (e.g. every three or six months)
  • Maintain only necessary communication with the  third person
  • Do not incorporate the third person into non-sexual activities (e.g. picnic, movies, etc)
  • Make sure both of you agree on the person and do not take one for the team
  • Make sure your relationship is stable, you are not going through a major life event, or just finished going through a major life event.
  • Take time to build up your relationship
  • Avoid using friends, co-workers, or anyone you have a high degree of familiarity.
  • Debrief afterwards
  • Talk about feelings and potential scenarios that might lead to this situation. Once you have talked about it find ways to minimize it.
  • Communicate to the third person your boundaries
  • Communicate to the third person their role and that at the end of the night the two of you will be leaving as a couple.
  • Address any misconceptions that the third person may have about the threesome before it happens

If a threesome is to occur it is important that the couple defines what type of threesome they are desiring along with the emotional involvement with the third person. Without discussing this and communicating to the third person the couple may evolve their threesome experience into something that may do more harm than good. It is therefore important to understand than threesome are more about pleasure than relationships. By understanding that it is a first-step in having an enjoyable threesome.

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