Below is a generic checklist meant to guide couples in planning their first threesome. It is not meant to be a comprehensive checking list covering every possible outcome. Instead it recognizes that every threesome takes its own journey and happens at its own speed. Thereby some steps may occur together or not at all. The overall purpose of the list is meant is serving as a reminder of activities that need to occur and there is no guarantee by following the list it will produce an uneventful threesome.
Finally, there are four parts to the checklist: pre-searching, searching, threesome, and post threesome. Pre-searching regards activities prior to searching for the third person. Searching regards activities during the searching phase. Threesome regards activities when narrowing the list and making the decision to invite through the planning the threesome. Finally the post threesome regards activities to work through any issues that may occur.
- Initial discussion
- Begin understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome
- Discussion regarding expectations, potential issues, and risks
- Discussion what it will be like watching / having sex in front of your partner
- Discussion regarding boundaries
- Discussion regarding issues such as dealing with jealousy
- Defining cheating
- What activities are explicitly off-limits
- Safety – personal & sexual
- What needs to be communicated and to what extent
- Privacy – how much information to reveal and how will information be protected
- Where to have the threesome
- Who to invite / type of person
- When to have the threesome
- Division of Labor – Who is responsible for example: posting ads, reviewing replies, arranging meeting etc.
- How the search will occur
- Determining the criteria for scaling back the interested males / females
- Role play / simulating the threesome
- Writing the ad for web sites
- How do you, as a couple, identify time wasters
- Speaking with a potential third person
- Does an interest exist?
- If agreement is to ask a friend / co-worker then arrange to speak with them
- Sort through replies, identify those of interest, and politely respond back with ‘sorry but not interested’
- Agree you have found a potential third person
- Arrange an initial meeting with the third person
- Review boundaries and ensure the two of you have the same understanding.
- Communicate boundaries to third person
- Make final arrangements for the threesome including a signal / word that indicates it should not happen.
- Manage feelings