How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3 – being confident

Introduction

Think of a time in your life where the outcome was not known but before the event some preparation occurred. For many of us, finals at university or preparing for a job interview are examples. Now ask yourself, “did I feel confident?” Mostly there was nervousness from fear of the unknown but there was also an underlying confidence of that came from preparing.  The confidence that came from preparing made it possible to work through being confronted with the unknown and being able to get through the experience.

In many ways persuading them to have a threesome is akin to preparing for finals at university or preparing for a job interview. Why do I use these analogies? Your partner / spouse will be wanting answers and gauging your response. If you were considering the idea of having what will persuade you more, a partner / spouse that was uncomfortable with the idea or a spouse / partner that is confident? How do you develop the confidence to persuade your spouse / partner to have a threesome?

Getting comfortable with idea

Having a threesome means having an experience that is out of the realm of experiences for about 80% – 95% of adults. At the heart of a threesome, involves having someone on watch while the other engages sexually with someone else. By not previously having this experience it may mean the impact of introducing someone else and then having sex with them maybe underestimated.

So, if you never had the experience and group sex experience is out the range of human experience, how do you get comfortable? There are some good free sites, besides this one, that can offer support.  A good starting point are Reditt’s cuckold  and swingers community. Also Society for Human Sexuality’s web site offers a good introduction to the topic but the one drawback it focuses on swinging as lifestyle instead of an experience. Another good free site includes Yahoo! Answers and Groups United States site. Finally there are some books that can help with the subject.

Another aspect involves communicating with a third person on a very intimate level and being present when it occurs. This runs contrary to what all of us have been taught about monogamy and relationships. Talking, flirting, and intimate touching can be unnerving to watch when it involves someone you love interacting intimately with someone else.

The above gives you information regarding what it may be like having a threesome and the information comes from other peoples’ experiences. Next step involves using that information and formulating what it may be like. Then from there it is deciding what a threesome could be like. Once you have enough information it means asking yourself, “is having a threesome with my spouse /partner something I want?”

Think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs

It may seem counter intuitive to think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs instead of your own. Having a threesome is much more than the physical act of sharing bodily fluids among three people. It is a journey for a couple and a communication exercise. This means understanding where the relationship is, where it is going, and understanding the impact of a threesome. Essentially it means thinking the idea through before suggesting it and before speaking with them it is important to think:

• What will they get from having a threesome?
• How will it impact them?
• What will be their fears?
• What will they like about the experience?
• How will it impact your relationship?
• How will it impact your ability to interact and support them?

The above are some of the questions that need considering before discussing the idea and as you discuss the idea with them. By going through this exercise it will help you better understand discussing having a threesome goes beyond the needs of an individual but the needs of everyone involved.

Putting it together

Discussing the idea of having a threesome can be fraught with issues. Nonetheless, during the discussions your partner / spouse will be surmising, trying to determine your level of confidence and motivation for suggesting the idea. If your partner / spouse feels you ulterior motives  or if your spouse / partner feels you are looking for conflict then it is likely the discussion can spiral into conflict.

One method of trying to avoid conflict and have an open discussion about the idea of having a threesome involves speaking being confident. This means thinking through the idea, understanding what is involved, and being able to openly discuss the idea without resorting to manipulation.

By understanding what may occur in a threesome, understanding how it relates to your situation, and then communicating those ideas can build confidence in your partner that having a threesome might be the right idea.

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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How to convince her to have a threesome

During foreplay she talks about wanting another cock insider and how great it would be if she could feel something different. Throughout subsequent “love-making” the fantasy becomes more realistic causing her to climax in ways previously unseen. The images from earlier “love-making” sessions replay leaving the question, “if she gets that horny and climaxes that hard when just talking about the idea then making it happen will be even better.”

Over a period of weeks internet sites are visited looking for the right connection for her and make the threesome a reality. Replies start arriving with some that are totally unacceptable raising the question, “how could someone not appreciate a glorious opportunity that is being presented.” Other replies strike fear that she might prefer him and slowly the ideal situation begins sliding away.

As the ideal situation begins collapsing like a ‘house of cards,’ because there is a realization of her reaction may not be positive. Since nothing has been discussed with her. Instead of discussing the idea, the discussion is replaced with a magical belief that she will accept idea, if the threesome is planned right and by using magical powers of persuasion, similar to the persuasion used on television juries in old crime dramas, she will agree to have a threesome.

So how do you convince her to have a threesome? Simple answer you cannot. Why? We are all human beings with the ability of free will and the ability to make choices for ourselves. Deciding to participate in a threesome involves going against teachings regarding monogamy, relationships, and personal beliefs. It means redefining our view of relationships and the person we love.

In my situation before we had our threesomes we agreed it was a mutual decision and neither of us could use the decision against the other. Also we stated that we would view each other in the best possible light instead of considering the negative about each other. Having these agreements with my wife made it easier for the big transformation that was about to occur. It is difficult to put into words the transformation that occurs, when having a threesome,

Another barrier in convincing her involves understanding the difference between the fantasy of having a threesome and the reality of having a threesome. When we role play the idea we have complete control but in a real threesome, lies with two other individuals who may have different agendas and different objectives. When you peel back all of the layers of a threesome, the core is trust. Having a threesome means accepting the outcome is not in your control and trusting the other participants enough that it will be a positive experience for everyone. For me, this was the scariest because I trusted my wife but I did not know what the outcome.

Final barrier in convincing her revolves around the idea of communication. Communication means talking about your wishes, desires, and fears with your spouse. It means feeling comfortable enough with each other that any subject can be discussed. This means by communicating the need to plan a surprise threesome decrease and the need to convince her decreases too. It means there is no secret formula and no secret technique to convince her to have a threesome.

In conclusion and in answer to the question, as I look back to our relationship over the years, the one thing I have learned communication and the ability to work together solves the issues. For those who are looking for an accelerated route to a threesome unfortunately there are no easy fixes or shortcuts. Communicating, understanding what a threesome involves, and a commitment to each other is the only true way to a threesome. My advice love her for who she is and not what she can give. If you can do that then whatever route is taken will be the right one.

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