Introducing the idea of having a threesome

Timing the initial discussion of having a threesome

Intro

In the heat of the moment the line between reality and fantasy easily becomes blurred. It is easy fantasying about the ideal third person with larger than life attributes and being a highly skilled lover that gives your ‘significant other (SO)’ a ‘mind-blowing’ orgasm that they will never have again.  At that point your partner and / or you may believe they want to have a threesome. However having a fantasy, of being a part of a threesome, is one thing but it is quite different to take the first step in making it a reality. This article will explore, in more detail the topic of bringing up the idea of having a threesome by looking at the qualities needed in the couple’s relationship and discussing possible techniques to introduce the idea.

Relationship qualities

Since this article is not a thesis on the type of relationship needed to have a threesome I am not going to dwell a lot on it. Nonetheless, having a threesome requires communication that comes from an established and maturing relationship. Without good and effective communication in the relationship, it can mean having a threesome becomes difficult. Good communication means, as a couple, they are not avoiding conflict in order to please their partner while putting aside their feelings. It also means each individual can speak openly to the other without fearing retribution for bringing up a difficult subject.  As a result of communication in the relationship, the couple can have mature discussion about the subject without conflict and discuss the subject without manipulation.

Another needed quality is commitment to the relationship. It can come in different forms such as conservative attitudes about having a relationship whereby the couple stays together through tough times, length of relationship, or status of the relationship.

A threesome scenario where communication and commitment is absent involves a fictitious couple who wants to have a threesome but does not want to discuss boundaries. Instead they agree they do not need boundaries and agree that anything can happen. However, at the time of the threesome the male half of the couple becomes hurt because his wife is kissing the invited person. As a result of seeing this he becomes withdrawn during the threesome and showing less interest in participating in it. Then after the threesome he becomes angry a lot easier, begins withdrawing from the relationship and feels as though his wife cheated on him leading a break-down of the relationship.

In the above example, the problem resulted in the failure to communicate about boundaries, failure to discuss off-limit activities, and the failure to go through what-if scenarios. Had the couple done this then they might have been able to mitigate his feeling, not had the threesome, or agreed that kissing was off limit.relationships should not have threesomes.

Approaching the idea of having a threesome

How to approach the subject is very much dependent on the communication style that has been developed. There is no magical way or word that will guarantee success. However, this conversation needs to happen outside of the bedroom and as a part of regular conversation. Without having this discussion outside of feelings of intense arousal it will be difficult to each individual’s true feelings and it might lead to a breakdown of communication.

How can discussing the idea in the ‘heat of the moment’ lead to a misunderstanding? An example, the wife tells her husband about how much she will enjoy another guy fucking her as he watches. Then based on that statement, the husband seeks out another guy to join them for a threesome and find his wife mortified that he has gone that far without speaking to her. Instead of having a threesome the wife leaves upset and loses trust in her husband. The above example highlights the need to have this type of conversation at a time when both can discuss it and can discuss particulars of the event.

Next, from experience there are at least two ways to have this conversation outside of the bedroom. The first approach is a gradual approach. This can be done either by having short brief discussions or finding a way to build to the discussion. In the former the topic is discussed for a few minutes and typically one subject. Then once the topic has been discussed then conversation ends and the subject, s not discussed for a while. Then the conversation continues either working through the current subject or it move on to another subject related to the threesome until the couple comes to a decision about it. Normally, I feel, this where both members of the couple are open to the idea and wants to explore it. Whereas the latter involves, finding a way to open the discussion and try to find a general impression about their partner’s feelings about having a threesome before leading into the discussion. Typically this approach involves asking their partner’s feelings about the attractiveness of other people or talking about subjects that relate to threesomes, such as infidelity.

The other approach involves being direct and having the discussion about the subject. Typically this will be where one of them has thought about the idea for a while and the other person may not be aware of their feelings. This can be a risky approach since it will be difficult to gauge the type of reaction expected and it is difficult to know effects on the relationship the discussion will have. However, it does get the subject discussed.

Conclusion

Finally no approach should use force or manipulation to achieve having a threesome. It means all involved need to respect each others feelings on the subject. This means the discussion needs to be over time and something the couple works through together. Furthermore this means there is no set time frame for it to happen and each couple embarks on a journey. Only by approaching it as a team can a couple have a meaningful and enjoyable threesome.

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