Why you can never go back


IMG_8531

Can you ever go back?

You can never go back. How many time do we hear it? We hear it from friends, spouse, or family tell when we have to make a tough decision that will permanently impact us and they do not want us to make it. Why do they say it? I suppose,  the statement is somehow suppose to make us magically realize the decision we make will impact us and that we need to make the right decision. Maybe they struggle with honestly and open communication to discuss the potential outcomes of the decision. Possibly, they feel they have to say something and using a cliche is the best they can do.

Unfortunately you can never go back is popular statement used when discussing having a threesome or cuckolding for the first time. The first time the saying is encountered under the pretext of wife sharing it sounds insightful because it reminds us of the impact of our decision on our relationship when deciding about having a threesome or cuckold. However, after hearing a few more times it becomes obvious the individual saying it is probably someone who is too afraid to give real advice and instead their comfort level is reciting cliches.

In contrast, you can never go back, is an idea with exploring in the context of wife sharing. Wife sharing, if done correctly, should increase a couple’s closeness, happiness, and communication. Likewise, the couple should view the experience as positive.

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

phot0 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nonetheless, wife sharing involves a very rich and deep experience that very few couples ever encounter unless the make the decision to try wife sharing. Wife sharing involves bringing a third person on a temporary basis into the relationship. On the surface the idea appears very erotic and sultry. Very few of us are not aroused by the idea of her having sex with someone else and them enjoying her.

Such a vision is very self-confirming. It confirms she is attractive and it confirms by choosing to be with her, others desire her too; however, they are unable to have her. This is very affirming and a big ego booster. Also it confirms she has chosen someone to be with and they get to enjoy her. In many ways it is journey back to childhood by having something the other children did not thereby increasing your popularity and desirability for friendship.

Below the surface of an erotic image lies a cauldron of issues cook from her desirability and the ongoing changes that are occurring. By bringing in a third person into the relationship, even on a temporary basis, means changes. Many couples do not face these changes and if they do, they are rarely openly discussed.  Leaving couples who are exploring the idea of wife sharing alone and having to discover for themselves the changes that can occur. Changes can include:

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and jealousy
  • Inability to accept, face, or realize issues exist
  • Loss of feeling your spouse is special due to the loss of exclusivity of the relationship
  • Feelings toward your spouse
  • How each of you relate to the other
  • You may find you feel closer or more distant from them
  • Feelings develop for the third person
  • They may not seem like a distant 3rd person. Instead they more become a friend or more.
  • Other changes including though not limited to:
    • Increase in sex drive
    • Decrease in sex drive
    • Conflict in the relationship

Changes provide opportunity for growth in the relationship but can serve as a source for ongoing conflict too. Once the idea of wife sharing is brought to the forefront of the relationship for consideration it brings along change. Even if the idea is not seen through to fruition the discussion will bring about changes. The changes that result from the discussion and the ensuring wife sharing experience, will forever change the relationship. This means once the discussion happens a couple cannot return to a relationship that existed prior and must learn to handle the changes that have occurred. In some cases, the ensuing changes will bring about positive relationship changes, while other changes will be devastating for the couple. Finally to answer the question, can you ever go back? No.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Why Couples Choose Cuckolding

Easing into wife sharing

25 Points to consider before having your first threesome (couples)

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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Benefits of having a threesome (Why having a threesome can be good for a marriage)


Bthreesome benefitsenefits of having a threesome – Introduction

If you are reading this then it is likely you are questioning, how can a threesome be beneficial? It is easy  to envision a prostitute with two males wearing a rain jackets in an alley in the slum. The alley covered with blood and bullet holes in the wall. She is having one male standing with her legs around her as he hold her, fucking her while she “jerks-off” the other guy.  As they all have sex, gunshots ring out in the background and mice scurry by their feet.

Likewise it is easy to envision “chavs” or “white trailer trash” having threesomes. Maybe it is easier to see people having a threesome as “seedy” underworld figures?

Too often we hear the dark side of threesomes and become “Negative Nellies” about having a threesome. Such negativity can easily dissuade anyone from wanting a threesome but after reading this, hopefully your opinion might change.

Do we ever hear anything good about having a threesome?

Too often we hear the negative side of having a threesome. Examples include:

Sadly we rarely, if ever, do read anything positive about having a threesome and the lack of anything positive, makes it difficult to believe there are any benefits of having a threesome.  After seeing these headlines it is understandable how a negative image of having a threesome occur. When I see these headlines I think only ‘seedy’ people have threesomes and it is not for me. Having had a few threesomes I know the headlines are not the norm but the extreme.

For someone just starting out it is easy for the headlines to make having a threesome seem criminal but I am going to let you in on a secret. If you move beyond the headlines it soon becomes clear these are not typical couples, single males, and single females meeting to have a threesome. Instead these are people who are trying to circumvent the law or are under the influence of a controlled substance. By reading the article and critically analyzing it, it is clear this is not the standard threesome but people with problems.

Granted, it is impossible to know the impact and outcome of having a threesome. However, if drinking does not occur or is kept at a minimum the chance of something going wrong greatly decreases. Likewise reducing the chance of something bad occurring significantly decreases if no drugs, including recreational drugs like cannabis, are used. If no pressure is used, having a threesome is a mutual decision, and time is taken to prepare then it is reason to expect having a threesome will be enjoyable.

Also, it is impossible to know if the person being invited someone that can do harm. Nonetheless if time having a threesome is not rushed. Instead time is taken to discuss, communicate, and screen any potential third person then the chance of being a headline in a news story greatly decreases.

Does having a threesome improve a relationship?

Is it possible? Does having a threesome improve a relationship? Such a question a few years ago was unthinkable. Even today people fear admitting anything positive can be said about having a threesome.

Luckily today, people are beginning to warm-up to the idea. There seems to be some data suggesting number of married couples having threesomes are about the same as the general population, which is  about 14%. Recent figures suggest the figure may be closer to 20% This suggests having a threesome does not damage a relationship and suggests threesome negativity is not dissuading people from trying it.

Couples who have a threesome report:

From my experience it creates a bond with your spouse and I find it help with improving communication thereby helping the relationship.

What does having a threesome do for me?

From my own experience having a threesome can do a lot for an individual. It helps to make you aware of the needs of others and helps you ot understand your place in the world. Also I am finding it helps bring a couple closer by having a shared experience and by having the experience communication improves. It improves by being able to talk more openly and knowing how to communicate.

What is in it for me?

Having a threesome requires discussion, planning, and communication. It requires trust, commitment, and a willingness to put your inhibitions aside for a few hours. It is important to remember having a threesome does involve risk to yourself, to your relationship, and to your health. However by taking the necessary precautions the risks can be mitigated.

The next step is putting behind the negative images of a threesome and think about having a threesome as it relates to your situation. Will it work for you? What are the risks? What are you hoping to achieve? Once you are able to put aside all of the negative hype regarding threesomes you can now focus on having a threesome that is right for you. This means now you understand what is in the media is not always 100% accurate and has a bias. If you are still in the discussion phase or considering bringing up the idea then using this information will help you work through any resistance you may encounter.

I wish you the best and hope the threesome you desire is all that you want it to be.

Finally

If you have had a threesome, what has been your experience? Was it positive? Negative? Indifferent? Please share by leaving a comment.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

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Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

What is outing?


 

beachOuting: Cuckolding and Swinging

What is the first image that enters your mind when you hear the word outing? For me it is someone who is exposed as being gay and it is done against their wishes. The image is very troubling since it involves someone who has a part of their life exposed against their choice. Does this mean ‘outing’ carries the same negative connotation in the alternative sexual practices community.

Luckily for me I have never faced that issue. We do not work at hiding our interest but at the same time we do not draw attention to ourselves by speaking about it in public. So, we have learned how to protect ourselves.

In the swinging community outing has a very similar meaning. It involves being exposed as someone who participates in the lifestyle. Sometimes it is a family member, your job, and on a rare occasion someone you have ‘played with will expose you. This can be upsetting for those who have been outed.

Whereas for cuckolding outing takes on a different meaning. Outing means, in the context of cuckolding, exposing someone who has a small penis. This can be arousing if it falls within the agreed boundaries.

In answer to the question does outing have the same meaning? No, it depends on the context of the situation and it can be arousing experience for some, if it is done right.

 

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Part 7: Coping with having a threesome a.k.a facing the realities of having a threesome


IMG_8702How do I handle having a threesome?

Porn movies leave us believing beautiful people just rip-off their clothes and a threesome just happens without impunity. Whereas talks shows and news programs during sweep week wants us believing having a threesome will lead to some cataclysmic catastrophe. Since the topic of having a threesome is not openly discussed and not much honest information is available, what we believe about having a threesome is not always true. Somewhere between the two extremes is where 99.9999% of all threesomes occur. This article will explore the remaining 99.9999% by talking about the issues and what you can do in order to get through it.

Being a part of a threesome

Up to that point a threesome remains somewhat abstract and it can be difficult to understand what it means to have a threesome. Having a threesome means having sex with someone else whereby you watch, you have sex with the third person or a combination of the two. This means at some point, as a couple, one of you will be having sex with someone other than significant other while the other watches. If it is your first time it can be quite erotic or it can be very brutal. Also, it means what you are feeling versus what you are witnessing can be quite different.

In my honest opinion there is no way to completely prepare for it beyond discussing it along with discussing your feelings. Then after the threesome talk about the experience and anything it made you feel. In addition, I believe that if you get jealous, angry, or easily upset then having a threesome may not be the best choice for you.

A threesome cannot be undone

As a threesome approaches it is possible that you may look towards it with a child-like glee and there is nothing wrong with that. It protects from over analyzing it and keeps us from worrying too much about small details. The problem is up to the the point of undressing and penetration a threesome can be stopped. However once intercourse starts there is no way to stop it and the only thing that can be done is viewing the experience differently. It is therefore better to make the decision slowly with much thought then rush into whereby you regret it later.

Feelings for the invited third person can develop

It is easy to say it is important to keep feelings separate from having sex. No matter how much we try to rationalize sex, the reality remains sex is a very intimate act and when intimacy is involved it is likely there will be some emotional attachment.

How do you minimize or prevent feelings from developing is not easy but there are few suggestions worth considering. The below are suggestions and each couple will need to consider them in light of their situation:

  1. Avoid choosing friends: A relationship and feelings already exist. Having a threesome can bring these feelings to light and make a threesome very complicated.
  2. Do not make getting to know the third person a very drawn out situation: If your goal is not a ‘poly’ / open relationship threesome then taking a lot of time in getting to know the third person is not needed. Instead when contacting the third person the contact should be limited in collecting enough information to make an informed decision about having a threesome with them. This means once the question, “Am I comfortable enough with them to have sex with them?,” can be answered then proceeding with the decision should occur. Simply put having a threesome is about sex over a short-period of time and not developing a long-lasting emotional relationship with the third person.
  3. Limit involving the third person: Because the act is intimate there maybe a desire to invite the third person to social events and / or treat them like a friend. The more they are involved the greater the chance feelings might develop.
  4. Keep an emotional distance from them: This restates number 2 and 3. Also it means avoiding questions or behaviors that will elicit feelings developing for them. The best thing the contact with the potential third person should be kept to an absolute minimum.
  5. Limit the number of times with the same person: The more you have a threesome with them the more likely feelings will develop.
  6. Develop a network of threesome friends: Having a network of friends that you have threesomes with and share an interest in threesomes with will help to reduce the chance that feelings for an individual will develop.
  7. Look at putting boundaries in place to protect the relationship and limit feelings from developing. You know yourself the best and if there are certain actions / behaviors that might lead to develop feelings then putting in place boundaries to prevent it will help.

As a couple the two of you will have different experiences

Even though the two of you are in the same room and experiencing it together your reactions may be remarkably different. It is possible one of you may enjoy it while the other may be indifferent. Likewise one may enjoy it while the other absolutely hates it. It is important that your threesome planning take this possibility into account.

In my opinion, we are all different and experience things differently. I believe threesomes are about enjoyment and pleasure instead of trying to have the same viewpoint about a threesome. The best way, I believe, to prepare for this is being ready to accept each of us are different and react differently. Also I believe, trust and knowledge about your spouse / partner factors into this. If you can trust your partner and you know your partner then it will go a long way in making a threesome a positive experience.

You are in this together

As adults we make adult decisions that requires us to make a decision where the outcome is not known. This means the decision to have a threesome is a decision that is made together and made with the understanding that each individual participating share the responsibility for its success / failure. Also it means, throughout the threesome process taking a ‘team approach,’ I believe is much better than approaching it as, ‘how can I get my needs met?’ Moreover during the threesome, applying the ‘team approach,’ means focusing on your partner and their needs to ensure they are being met instead of the third person’s needs.  At first the idea of focusing on your partner may sound counter-intuitive but if you apply the ‘team approach’ idea, it means working together ensuring each of you are happy in the threesome. Then, if you continue with having a threesome, focusing more on the third possible becomes more of a possibility.

So, how do you approach a threesome as a team and then transition focusing on the third person? The best way is communicating about your needs and expectations. Then discussing them with the third person and set their expectations. By continuously communicating about having the threesome, your needs, and its impact on you then as a team the two of you can work together in ensuring each individual need is met.

Is having a threesome necessary for cuckolding?


Peter Fendi, 1835

 

Is threesome experience necessary for cuckolding?

 

What is about cuckolding that draws us towards it? Is it giving control to someone else? Could it be incorporating a third person? It could having your partner coming home after being ‘filled’ by another guy and the relationship dynamics around it?  Maybe it is an activity that is not well known and it has an air of mystery around it? Whatever the reason it is something that attracts some couples and it raises the question, what is the best way to have your first cuckold experience?

 

As I prepared myself to write this, I thought to myself, is there a difference between having your first couple cuckolding or cuckolding experience? At first I thought, yes and I prepared to write why I believed this was the situation. Then I realized regardless of the path the result is the same, one partner having sex with someone else. This brought me back to an underlying theme in my writing, advocating any couple considering cuckolding should have a threesome experience together.

 

For a couple that is just starting their journey into the world of group sex, it is difficult to anticipate the feelings involved, communication required and every potential outcome. There is a lot of effort that goes into having a threesome and much more work is required for a cuckold. Understanding what is required for a cuckold, I believe, means having some group sex experience (e.g. soft-swinging, threesome, foursome, etc)

 

Most of us would not buy a home without doing some research, viewing other homes, and then making a decision of buying the home that best suits our needs. Likewise the same principle applies to cuckolding. Blindly entering cuckolding without understanding what is involved, at a minimum is risky and at its worse it can lead to a negative life altering change.

 

The is an argument even if the couple experiences a threesome together, it will not fully prepare them for a cuckold. Cuckolding involves more than having a threesome. It involves a deeper level of trust, a commitment to the relationship, and requires the couple having a more evolved form of communication. This means there is an experience gap between having a threesome and a cuckold; however the gap is much greater for someone who has never had a group sex experience and is trying a cuckold for their first time.

 

Does this mean if a couple never has a group sex experience their cuckold experience is doomed to fail? No, since there is no way to predict if a threesome, group sex experience, or a cuckold will fail. Nonetheless this author is advocating by having a group sex experience together, they are better able to gauge if a cuckold will work for them and better understand the potential issues they may face. By understanding the challenges a couple can make a more informed decision and make better plans in order to minimize any potential damage a cuckold may cause. Finally to answer the question, is having a threesome necessary for cuckolding? The answer is no but this author believes, it better prepares the couple for their cuckolding experience.

 

 

 

Threesomes, privacy, and the law


The BDSM Rights Flag, partially loosely based ...

“Throw moderation to the winds, and the greatest pleasures bring the greatest pains” –  Democritus

One of my favourite online newspapers is the Telegraph in the UK. It tends to be a paper whose viewpoint is moderate. Typically British papers will carry affairs or the occasional well known person going to a swingers club; however, I do not see many articles about BDSM in the British media and when I read this one, it made me think. It made me think about using the internet to share our sexual interest, how alternative sexual practices are misunderstood, and the law.

In this article a man is being prosecuted for engaging in sexual activity in front of a child and possession of extreme pornographic material. The prosecution is the result of a social worker seeing online images of a child with him and a naked woman.

In my opinion, this article serves as a reminder when posting photographs no everyone will view them the same way as you and the need to be vigilant that any threesome photograph shows consenting adults in a legal consenting act. Otherwise, it may lead to criminal prosecution. Likewise, this author believes, this article demonstrates the need to keep a perspective and not become too enmeshed in the lifestyle where that it adversely impacts others.

At least from my perspective, I have to question if this individual did not post pictures on the internet, would he be prosecuted? My belief, he probably would not have and I feel, had he kept a balance in his life then he may not have taken his participation in the BDSM lifestyle too far. Finally I believe this article demonstrates the need to take any sexual practice, like threesome, in moderation without it becoming an obsession and the need to share everything online. If that perspective is lost and having a threesome becomes an obsession then more than likely, negatively consequences will follow.