Tag Archives: needs

How to persuade them have a threesome: Secret #1- nice to have versus must have

Posted in Relationships, Threesome opinions, Threesome Planning, Threesome Stages by

Searching for the answerIntroduction

Many of us have an interest in trying a threesome for a variety of reasons. It might be desiring to throw away the shackles that society places on us about monogamy. For others it might be wanting to explore the limits of their relationship or to give their partner with something, that a monogamous relationship cannot bring them. In some cases having a threesome might be on their ‘bucket list’ of things to do. Whatever the reason the first step is agreeing to have a threesome.

How do you convince your partner to have a threesome?

A very common question that gets asked, “how do I convince him / her to have a threesome?” The simple answer if they are not interested then do not waste your time trying to convince them. Short of a complete refusal there are a few points to consider and in the coming weeks, I will be writing about some of the secrets of trying to move the conversation about having a threesome to a point where it is agreeable.

Nice to have versus Must Have

Must Have

As humans beings we all have needs to feel secure and having a threesome is no different. At the most basic level, for any us to feel secure in a threesome we must have our basic needs met and this is sometimes called a ‘must have.’ A must have, from a threesome perspective, are tangible and  integrable items we need to have a threesome. This might be:

  • Having the threesome as a one-off
  • Avoiding some intimate contact with the third person (e.g. kissing)
  • Being present
  • Seeing communication
  • Safe-sex practices

Nice to Have

‘Must have’ forms a part of the boundary for the couple and the threesome to allow the threesome to happen. Whereas a ‘nice to have’ is something that can make the threesome enjoyable but it is not necessary for it to happen. An example might be:

  • Kissing
  • Bareback
  • Same-sex contact

Moving the conversation forward

The first step in moving toward a threesome involve reaching an agreement about the boundary of the threesome. In order to reach the first agreement understanding your partner’s need is vital. Only by negotiating  the nice to have, discussing your vision of the threesome and then finding a common area whereby each of you can agree. In order to do this, it will mean being open to different possibilities.

Secret #1 – How does having ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’ help in having a threesome?

Having a threesome mean being open-minded about possibilities and keeping your ‘must haves’ in order to feel secure in the threesome. By understanding why the ‘must haves’ are necessary will help ease further conversations about needs from a threesome. Then at some point the conversation will change to ‘nice to have’ in the threesome and this becomes the area for negotiating to reach the threesome. Only by communicating and understanding needs will a couple be able to move toward having their first threesome.

Other Articles of Interest

Universal Boundaries

Boundaries

Unless you ask, how do I know you want a threesome?

Moving beyond the initial discussion

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4 – marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3: being confident

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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Why do we choose full-swap threesomes?

Posted in Miscellaneous, Relationships, Threesome opinions by

Dessins de Martin van Maele.

Threesomes and group sex have been around since the beginning of time. During the Dark Ages the liberal attitude towards sex was replaced with a drive towards monogamy. Arguably a part of the drive towards monogamy was ensuring the survival of the human race by limiting the number of females that could be impregnated by the same male. Thereby limiting the effects of genetic mutations in the gene pool and providing an increase in gene pool diversity. That drive to keep monogamous practices continues today and makes the world of non-monogamous practices misunderstood. However during WWII things began to change and by the late 60s threesomes along with other group sex practices began attracting attention. It was not until recently television shows and movies are now willing to tackle the topic of threesomes in a more balanced approached. Threesomes are growing in popularity and it brings up the question why do some people migrate towards threesomes?

Before going on it is important to define full-swap threesome. For this article threesome and full-swap threesome means the same. It means three people come together for enjoying the physical aspects of sex and without the emotional attachments that go with it. This means other practices such as cuckolding, open relationships, and soft-swinging are not included as a part of the discussion.

It is this author’s opinion for couple’s the answer can be summed up in one word, relationship. A couple may see a threesome as a way to cure their relationship by adding ‘spice’ to it and ending the mere existence each feel. By adding ‘spice’ some couples feel they will learn to appreciate each other again and rediscover their reason for loving each other. While others feel by adding some ‘spice’ it will keep their partner monogamous and show their partner that they can be sexually adventurous.

Another reason a couple may migrate towards a threesome is based on power in the relationship. In some relationships the power may be held by one person and they may use it to bring about a threesome through pressure, manipulation, or coercion.  Likewise the person who may not hold the power may suggest it as a way to appease their partner or suggest it as way to validate themselves through another person.

Third reason stems from growing the relationship. This may occur in one of two ways. First way it is something the couple may want to do as a way to explore their boundaries.  Essentially, wanting a threesome comes from an organic growth within the relationship whereby trust and communication flourish. Such conditions may lead some couples to push the limits of their relationship to explore other possibility while feeling secure in their relationship. If done successfully it may bring a couple closer together.

Second possible reason, it may be a strategy to strengthen the relationship the long-term by allowing the occasional threesome. Such a strategy allows the couple to invite a third person to enjoy while keeping their relationship intact. In this situation the relationship is maintained by sharing something together.

This brings the author to the side other of the discussion, the single person. For the single person, especially a man, unless their partner is into having a threesome then maintaining a relationship while having a threesome does not typically work. This means there may be other reasons such as the ability to have sex without the issues that goes along with having a relationship. While for others it could be fulfilling a fantasy or being able to have intimacy with individuals of both genders. Moreover this can mean a single person migrates towards having a threesome because it fulfills some need in their life.

When the couple meets the single person it means they are approaching the threesome from two different perspectives, relationship versus need. By having two different perspectives it means information can be lost and misunderstanding can occur. If the threesome will happen then both need to find a common ground in order to meet their competing needs.

Lastly, I am interested in knowing your feelings why people choose full-swap threesomes? Maybe you have ideas as to why threesomes appear being more mainstream?

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