Cuckolding is it right for me?


cuckolding right for meIt all starts with a harmless thought

At night in bed

Laying in bed a night and she is already asleep. The room is dark and quiet.  Random thoughts begin entering and leaving without too much attention. Soon one question enters and cause some pondering, what will it be like if she was fucking someone else for me?

At first the idea is repulsive. How can it happen? She will never go through with it, let alone consider it. Even if she will consider the idea, it will never happen and if it did happen, she will make sure not to enjoy it.

Knowing she will not go through with it is not enough to allow the question to pass like the others. Soon an image enters. She is laying naked on a king size bed with white sheets and her legs spread. On top of her is male but has no face. They are embracing and he is inside of her. Looking at her, it is obvious she is enjoying it.

Now mere thought of her being with someone else is upsetting and invokes feelings of anger. Soon the feeling of anger subsides and something about the image catches your interest. As you lay there looking at her and thinking about the image of her being with someone else, it is not long before getting hard. Soon feelings of arousal and joy replace feelings of repulsion.The image of her with someone else is arousing and the idea is something you begin considering before asking yourself, is cuckolding right for me?

Foreplay

It starts out with a very suggestive texts during the day in order to seduce her when she gets home, “You look sexy,” “I Love You,” “When I get you home I am going to do nasty things to you.” She reciprocates by texting suggestive photos back along with describing how wet her texts got her. Arriving home from a long day at work, sex is the meal being served. Neither of you are hungry for food but hunger for each other. Supper is delayed for the both of you to feast on the pleasures that await for you in your bedroom.

The bedroom is dark with some light cracking the curtains and the hallway light the seeps into the bedroom from the slightly open door. Each crawls into bed pulling up the blankets and holds the other. Soon light touching and caressing is replaced by intense arousal that involves intense lustful kissing. Soon the kissing settles and the room electrified with an intense hunger for the other. She positions herself into a missionary position suggestively saying, “do whatever you want to me,” that is followed by “making me cum really hard.”

Her challenge “opens the door” to test her reaction of being shared. While eating her out, she moans and her body moves with her stroke of her clit. Soon you begin fingering her and describing a scene where another man fucks her. Initial thought, “she will say I don’t like this,” but she reacts positively getting even hornier before coming hard.

Describing be taken by another man, her lack of resistance, and her cumming hard suggests she is open to the idea? As a result a question arises, how do I take it to the next step? Followed by, how do I make it happen for her? Instead the question should be, “is cuckolding right for me?”

The basics

What is cuckolding?

Today, cuckolding is a word creeping into our everyday vocabulary.  Just a few years ago, very few knew what cuckolding is but with social media more people are showing an interest in practice. Before being able to answer the question, is cuckolding right for me? It is necessary to understand the practice.

Traditional Definition

When we hear the cuckold it is natural to assume it is a fairly new word that has grown out of the sexual liberation of the 1960s. Nonetheless the genesis of the word cuckolding goes back nearly 500 years as the word for an unfaithful wife.

As time progressed and the word cuckolding became a part of our everyday vocabulary, the usage expanded. Today it covers a variety of sexual practices where the husband, in most cases remains monogamous, but his wife takes on at least one male lover outside of the relationship. In such cases, unlike in the past, it is done with her husband’s knowledge and consent.

Liberal Definition

Visit a few web sites that talks about cuckolding and it soon becomes apparent cuckolding is quickly becoming a dumping ground for any group sex activity that loosely falls under the definition of wife sharing. Wife sharing involves a inviting at least one other person Likewise, there is a tendency to use the word to cover sexual practices that are more synonymous with swinging, wife sharing, and wife swapping. Some will argue this usage is incorrect and I agree.

Couple’s cuckolding

So far in this discussion, cuckolding involves some form of BDSM or some form of group sex activity. Now, I am going to add a third definition. This definition involves wife sharing, though excluding gang-bangs and orgies, while incorporating some aspects of traditional cuckolding.  It does not involve forming long-term emotional relationship common to traditional cuckolding and it does not involve opening-up the relationship.

I call couple’s cuckolding.Couple’s cuckolding tends to fall in between the strict interpretation of the word cuckolding and the more liberal definition that includes all types of group sex activity that falls short of being classified as an orgy. Under the strict interpretation of cuckolding, the practice includes a BDSM element such as: humiliation, domination, submission, and discipline. The practice, for some couples moves from being a role play activity into a lifestyle that is dominated by their rules. Couples who take cuckolding to the extreme may practice withholding sex for a period of time, using a male chastity device, and may involve some form of discipline if the rules are not followed.

Also under the strict definition, it is the wife who takes on a male lover, other than her husband. Her contact with her male lover, is usually done outside of the home and usually, though not always, without her husband being present. This implies cuckolding, when using this definition, has a quasi open relationship element to it and a quasi polyamory element to it.

Whereas couple’s cuckolding eliminates the quasi polyamory and open relationship element by keeping the experience at the level of sexual enjoyment instead of focusing on relationship development. This means there may be some BDSM elements to a couple’s cuckolding but it is not a dominating feature. Likewise, couple cuckolding is not meant to become a lifestyle but something a couple will under take for periodic mutual enjoyment. This means couple’s cuckolding probably resembles a threesome but without her husband being present. Instead his enjoyment comes from her regaling her experience and if she chooses, sharing sloppy seconds.

Finally for this article, cuckolding will incorporate the traditional definition and couple’s cuckolding.

Is cuckolding right for me?

Laying in bed and thinking about your wife having sex with someone else or role playing it as a part of foreplay is not sufficient to know if it is a good choice.  Knowing if cuckolding is the right choice involves discussions, reflection, and understanding expectations for everyone before reaching a decision. Nonetheless there are a few questions to ponder to help in answering the question:

  1. Do I accept there is a difference between the reality of cuckolding and how it is portrayed in the media?
  2. Am I comfortable in various situations?
  3. Can I be assertive
  4. Am I comfortable with my spouse / partner to speak to them about absolutely anything?
  5. Do I wait for all of the information before making a decision?
  6. Do I get easily jealous?
  7. Am I prepared to share my wife with someone else?
  8. Am I am willing to accept the changes to our relationship that will occur?
  9. Can I accept there will be someone else in her life that may be as important as me?
  10. Am I willing to support her?

Finally

There is no correct answer to the question, is cuckolding right for me? The above questions are meant for reflection and are meant to help with the decision of suggesting trying cuckolding. They are also meant to help the individual understand some of the issues involved and the challenges they may face. It is important to remember, cuckolding is fundamentally different than having a threesome and therefore puts different demands on a couple.

The answer is only found after reflecting, researching the topic, and discussing. Only then, can a couple truly answer if cuckolding is right for them.

Related Articles

Having the Initial Discussion

What should I expect?

Planning a threesome

Threesome Variations

Couple’s Cuckolding

Why couples choose cuckolding?

Characteristics of successful couples

Easing into cuckolding

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First Time cuckolding: The once in a lifetime roller coaster ride that is worth taking


galleryFirst Time? No Ticket Required

I remember riding a roller coaster as a kid. The fear of heights along with the fear of falling out that always made me nervous of riding a roller coaster. Then as the roller coaster climbed to the top rushing down, emotional rush as it speeds down the hill.

Cuckolding in some ways is like being on a roller coaster. Once she agrees to try cuckolding and a lot of images miraculously enter your mind. Not everyone cuckolds and a feeling of privilege begins overtaking your body like a tidal wave. The feeling, is like winning the lottery or receiving membership in an exclusive club. It is something very unique. Soon questions, fears, anxiety, and a flurry of other emotions begins to grip your mind. A feeling of being overwhelmed hits and questions such as, is this normal enter your mind?

What is it like during the time from ‘yes’ to the actual experience and then afterwards? What can I do to help me through the time? Agreeing to be cuckold can be a rich and rewarding experience. However until you have the experience, know what to expect, and know the outcome then the experience is best describe as an emotional roller coaster.

The Journey

1) Emotional Roller coaster

After agreeing to have a cuckold, it is common for emotions fluctuate very quickly and to fluctuate for varying lengths of time. In the beginning it is common to feel elation and maybe some fear. During this time fear is quickly ignored because of the surge of feeling immense joy over the upcoming event.

Then as the day gets closer extremes feelings happen. Suddenly you feel excitement and then fear.  The fear grips your mind and then every thing that can go wrong appears in your mind, like a bad dream. Panic can happen and doubts if this is the right choice happens. Right before succumbing to the fear, reality comes to rescue by removing the fear.

Now the day arrives and she leaves for her date. At first a quiet calm happens, feeling like a member of an exclusive club and feeling privilege leads to a feeling of euphoria. As the feeling of euphoria beings to wane, fear begins chirping like a child wanting to know how much longer. The feeling of euphoria stifles the sound of fear but as the feeling of euphoria diminishes like a mother who cannot keep saying no. Soon fear takes over. Is she safe? Is she enjoying herself? What will she be like when she gets home? Is our relationship over? Why did I agree to this when I could have said no? starting playing like a tape recording.

The cycle of feeling euphoria and fear continues. Watching television or playing a game of solitaire is not an option since the emotional roller coaster is creating too much anxiety. Only a distraction can work.

2) Need for distraction

The need for a distraction is fairly obvious by providing an emotional balance during this time that will not cause harm later. A distraction can be as simple as housework, gardening, or going to a movie. It can involve a friend or a group. However, not everyone wants to know about cuckolding or someone’s sexual adventure therefore it becomes necessary being selective discussing the reason for distraction.

3) Desire to push the limits

During the time of joy, euphoria, or excitement feeling like nothing can bad can happen does occur. It leads to a feeling of invincibility and the willingness the change boundaries because nothing bad can happen. This feeling comes about from being a part of a privilege and for the most part, a secret club. However, we tend to forget superman had his Krypton and every club has it rules.

4) Relationship Changes

Through the emotional highs and emotional lows something is quietly happening in the background, change. That is right change to the relationship is occurring. Nothing is frozen forever in time and we are not able to go back in time to fix or prevent something from going wrong.

In a few days, weeks, or months, she is going to have sex with someone outside of the relationship. This will mean the relationship, for better or worse, will change. Change will occur in threesome stages.

First stage is the immediate stage. This is the time from right after she returns for the first few weeks. It is the time when the relationship copes with the cuckolding experience and redefines itself. During this period there is a lot of change occurring.

Second stage is the latency stage. After the resolution of the first stage there is a period of relative quiet where very little occurs. This can last for a few days, weeks, or months.

Final stage is the new normal. Through all of the discussions that have occurred, perception of the experience, and attitudes towards each other will redefine this stage. This is the point where the relationship finally works resolves the issues and defines how the couple will relate to each other.

5) Empowerment

During relationship changes and the fluctuations of emotions that are occurring there is something very quietly working in the background, empowerment. Cuckolding can be a very empowering experience for a couple. For him it is about expressing his desire in an open way and having his desire met. This means he is able to openly communicate his tawdry desire and have it met without fear of retribution. Depending on the form the couple’s cuckolding takes, it can be a way for him to give control to his wife and unburden some of the pressure he feels.

For her is a lot deeper. By cuckolding she is able to confirm her sexual desirability to someone else without fear of loosing the relationship. This can be a very powerful experience because it can show her she is more than a wife, a mother, and she is a sexual person.

Finally for the couple, cuckolding provides a route for improving the communication and a way to get their needs met.

Journey Aftermath

6) Knowing the Details

Trying cuckolding means only one person has sex with someone outside of the relationship that is done with the knowledge and consent of the other person in the relationship. This can be prove a very powerful aphrodisiac for a couple because one of them has an experience the other does not and by sharing the details of the experience it can be something that binds them as a couple.

This raises the question, how do you share the details? From my experience, the best way is to tell it like a story and tell it as a part of foreplay. Focus on the feelings, scents, mood, and anything else that can draw your partner into the story. Use a tone a voice that is  suggestive and inviting. Do not rush it and do not have him just laying listening to the story. Instead have him experience the story by becoming a part of it. Have him do the some of things you were experiencing and encourage him. If he asks any questions be hones but positive.

7) Sloppy seconds

One of the succulent rewards of cuckolding is experiencing sloppy seconds. Feeling her stretched from another cock being deep inside of her along with her red swollen lips and if no condom was used, the warm sticky feeling of her lover’s cum. Also there is usually a subtle smell of must.

Sloppy seconds is a result of an experience each individual openly embraced and something that should be enjoyed instead of being shunned.

For her it is a sign of her desirability to another and for him it is a sign of his fantasy being fulfilled. Ideally they should take time together before falling asleep to share and enjoy the experience together.

8) Best Sex of your life

The smell of sex along with details of the experience and experiencing sloppy seconds can lead to an incredible sexual experience. Especially if it is done shortly after she comes home. From my experience, nothing can compare to it.

9) Improved Communication

After the experience and as the relationship finds its ‘new normal.’ One of the possible benefits is seeing improved communication. Especially feeling less afraid to discuss ideas and an open willingness to share ideas that can lead to an increase in trust.

10) Trust Issues

After the euphoria, from hearing the details and enjoying sloppy seconds, reality begins to enter. Questions such as, what happened? How could I have agreed to this? Why did I agree to this? can occur. This happens because the emotional roller coaster is ending, relationship changes are occurring, and facing the reality of what is happening can create issues of trust. This is normal and happens as the relationship undergoes changes that brings up trust issues. It is important to see the experience as a journey not an isolate series of events and to discuss the issue, in a calm and non-judgmental, manner.

In contrast it is very possible cuckolding can be a very positive experience that confirms trust in the relationship and allows the relationship to grow further.

Finally

Cuckolding is not right for every couple. For those that it suitable then cuckolding can be a great experience for any couple who is willing to undertake the risk, who is willing to communicate, and trust each other. It can bring them together, provide powerful visual images for foreplay that will last for many years, and it can improve their communication. It is one roller coaster ride, for the right couple, that is worth taking.

Related Articles

Cuckolding Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for her

Her first date: A cuckolding guide for him

After Yes Now What: A cuckolding beginners guide

10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask

Cuckolding for Couples: Making cuckolding a partnership

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10 things you should know about having a threesome but were afraid to ask


20130714_173035-1Introduction

Over the last few years I have seen progress being made regarding the acceptance of threesomes but we still have a long ways to go before it is accepted as mainstream. There are still a lot of couples who approach having a threesome with very little knowledge and not sure what is involved. Below are a few questions regarding threesomes and over the coming weeks I plan to add more to it.

1) They show interest in having a threesome in the bedroom, does it mean they will agree to have a threesome?

No. Saying you want a threesome during foreplay, during sex, or immediately afterwards is no indication of there interest. Why?

From the start of foreplay our resistance to suggestions lowers because of the state of arousal and the closeness we feel to our partner. As arousal increases resistance further decreases and using of fantasies to further increase arousal continues until climax. After climaxing there is a period time the euphoria from sex continues and this, I believe, allows bonding to occur.

Once sex ends we continue with our daily lives and face the challenges it presents to us. Essentially when interest in having a threesome is expressed it about the fantasy not reality.

2) They have said they will agree to a mfm threesome if I agree to a fmf threesome. Should I agree?

No. Quid-pro-quo, sometimes referred to as ‘something for something’ is a risky situation that requires a lot of trust and very detailed knowledge of your partner. A downfall of this type of agreement occurs after the first threesome and the other does not want to have another threesome. Many times this leads to hurt feelings and conflict in the relationship because there is a feeling of violation of a trust that exists.

A better solution is reaching an agreement on having a threesome then after the first threesome experience evaluating it to determine if it is possible to have another. If it is possible to have another threesome then discuss needs and desires.

3) Should I find someone and surprise them with a threesome?

Again the answer is no. Surprise threesomes rarely work and in most cases they can be quite embarrassing because cues were misread. Instead obtain your partner’s / spouse’s agreement about searching for a threesome for them on your own.

4) They have said no to a threesome. What Should I do?

If someone says no to you, what do you do? In most cases we either ask for feedback or forget about it. Asking for a threesome is the same. If you decide it is not worth pursuing then that is a choice. However, if you ask for feedback there is a few reasons why and sometimes your spouse / partner may not share it. A few of the reasons might include:

  • Wrong approach used
  • Goes against their beliefs
  • Timing was wrong
  • Misread cues from your partner
  • They may be open to the idea but your suggestion was no in line with what they were expecting / wanting
  • It is something they need to consider
  • Not enough trust due to length of relationship or ongoing relationship issues
  • Underlining relationship issues
  • View it as cheating
  • Afraid to be with someone else because of their limited sexual experiences

Should you choose to ask for feedback it will help you gauge the next step and it will help with communication in the relationship. If a conversation about having a threesome can begin then it is possible that sometime in the future it might occur.

5) How Can I convince them to have a threesome?

There are web sites that claim you convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome but I believe there is no method that will convince them. At the heart of the matter, they must want to have a threesome and if they firmly oppose having a threesome then it is unlikely they will ever agree to have one.

The one thing that you have is time. Time changes everything. Initially may be resistant to the idea but over time their resistance softens. Another weapon in your arsenal is behavior. Relationship security can be a big hurdle for a threesome. Changing they way you relate to your partner and making time for them may be all that is needed. This means convincing them is more about being supportive and providing a channel for discussion than employing a technique to magically get them to agree.

6) They have said yes to the having a threesome, what is our next step?

There are two steps that need to occur almost simultaneously. First step is setting boundaries, which is discussed later in this article. Second is finding the third person. Once discussion on boundaries begins finding the third person should occur. Finding the third person should be a joint effort because it will require each of you agreeing to the choice. How the searching is done is your decision. Once you find them it is important to do some screening and asking them questions. Finally during this time it is important to review boundaries, discuss feelings, and discuss comfort level to ensure no issues that can hurt the relationship arise.

7) Do we need boundaries?

Yes. Boundaries build trust that allows the threesome to occur. They reduce the chance hurt feelings or arguments arise. Some will say they do not need boundaries because they want their partner to choose what they want to experience only to find later they did not consider ‘X’ will happen. Boundaries do not need to be complex and they do not need to be detailed. Instead can be a few rules that everyone has the same understanding that define the threesome.

There are three types of boundaries that need discussing. First, relationship boundaries. Relationship boundaries relate to how the relationship will handle having a threesome. In my situation our relationship boundary regards not using the experience against the other. Meaning, it is a mutual decision that we both make and will not blame the other.

Second type of boundary are threesome boundaries. These will be boundaries that relate to the threesome and will change a In the beginning they should be basic and be specific. While avoiding having too many or boundaries that conflict.

Third type of boundary are implied boundaries. Implied related to expectations, acceptable acts, and acts in the threesome that are off limits. They are implied because it will impossible to go through every possible scenario and impossible to comprehend every possible scenario. Therefore assumptions must be made and if there is going to be an argument regarding boundaries then there is a good chance this will be the type of boundary causing the conflict.

8) How do we find someone that is interested?

Finding a woman interested in a threesome can be a bit challenging, especially if you are looking for a single straight female. However if you are looking for a male the time needed is much shorter. With the boom in mobile and cellular phones finding someone for a threesome is becoming easier. There are applications for your phone and tablet. Websites that focus on threesomes, foursomes, and dating. Also there are swingers clubs, munches, and other similar type of activities that occur in public. Finally if you are open to the experience sometimes finding someone can occur at the most unlikely places.

9) What is it like watching them having sex?

The two of you can discuss feelings, signal for discomfort, and how it might impact the both of you; however until it happens no one will have an idea. For some it is the most erotic experience. Watching someone else pleasing their partner as they participate. Others it is quite possibly the worst experience of their life. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

If the two of you communicate and have a good relationship then it is reasonable to expect some fear along with a lot of excitement. Should this be your first experience then you may have issues with being comfortable communicating in all situations. This may mean letting the invited person know how they can help increase your enjoyment may be difficult thereby not being able to get the most from the experience.

10) Can you enjoy sloppy seconds in a threesome?

Yes. If you are participating and you all the invited male to have sex with your wife / girlfriend first. Be aware she might be a bit uncomfortable and may want you to only to have sex with her. Talk with her before the threesome. Then watch her reaction and listen for cues regarding her comfort level.

Other articles of interest

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Using quid-pro-quo as a negotiating position for a threesome

Questions for the third person

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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10 things you should know about cuckolding but were afraid to ask


cuckolding guideIntroduction:

Cuckolding is a taboo subject that is rarely discussed publicly. Instead it is left for porn, opinionated talk show hosts, evening news stations during sweeps week and romance novels that create a seedy view of the subject. From the seedy image created couples become too afraid to discuss it only to find when the subject is brought up it triggers a strong emotional reaction. If a couple decide to pursue cuckolding many times the have to ‘feel their way in the dark’ and hope they have made the right decision. Sometimes the decision may be wrong putting her at risk and their relationship. The answers below is not a panacea for bringing the discussion of cuckolding ‘out of the closet’ but it is a starting point for couples wanting basic information of the cuckolding experience.

1) How should I bring up the idea?

Bringing up the idea of cuckolding can be very daunting, especially if not much discussion about the idea has previously occurred. Before bringing up the idea many different scenarios of how to bring up the idea and the possible reactions of your partner / spouse may occur. The scenarios may strike fear that prevents the subject form being discussed.

It is important to realize playing the scenarios is a protective mechanism to ensure there is not an impulsive rush to discuss the topic that can cause damage to the relationship and to work through the best way to bring up the subject. Likewise there is a chance having the scenarios play in your mind may also be based on anxiety, a fear of bringing up the subject and this is fine because you may not be ready. Once you bring up the subject your relationship will forever change and do not bring it up until you are ready.

When you are ready there is no generally accepted way of bringing up the idea. The best bay to bring it up, this author believes, is from a loving way that shows respect. This means:

  • Listening to your spouse / partner has to say
  • Not arguing
  • Not belittling them because they do not agree with you
  • Letting them know you care for them
  • Letting them know the suggestion of cuckolding has nothing to do with being bored with them
  • Choosing words your spouse / partner can relate to
  • Avoiding emotive words that provoke strong negative emotional reactions
  • Understanding why you want to a cuckolding experience
  • Positives can come from the experience
  • Risks to the relationship & how those risks will be handled
  • Having more than one discussion to work though the issues

2) How is cuckolding similar to a threesome?

Cuckolding and having a threesome are similar in two ways. First, when searching online cuckolding tends to get clumped with threesomes under categories such as: threesomes, wife sharing, swinging, or group sex. This is because fewer couples opt for cuckolding than threesomes and two activities share some basic characteristics. If you are online there are a few hallmarks that indicate a cuckolding rather than threesome is being sought. Typically this will include couples who want the primary male to watch or wife wants to play alone.

Second similarity there are three people involved but the extent to which the two males interact varies a lot. In some situations there may be a hybrid threesome where the couple will have a threesome with the invited male and sometimes the woman will meet the invited male without her husband / partner being present. Other scenarios the two males never meet and know very little about each other.

Third similarity, is what this author terms, couples cuckolding. Couples cuckolding is a hybrid of cuckolding and having a threesome. In a couples cuckolding scenario the cuckolding experience is short-term without the woman becoming emotionally involved with the other male. The cuckolding experience is done for the couple to allow them to experience something a completely monogamous relationship cannot provide but still remain emotionally monogamous to each other.

3) How does cuckolding differ from having a threesome?

One the surface cuckolding and having a threesome can seem to be quite similar. Imagine comparing a green apple to a golden delicious. Both are apples but it is not until analyzing the apples that the differences are known. For example you can eat a green apple but it is primarily for baking. Whereas the golden delicious is more suited for eating or making apple sauce because of its higher water content.  The same holds true when comparing a threesome to cuckolding. It is not until digging deeper into the structure of the two that the differences becomes obvious.

The biggest noticeable difference is in the structure. Having a threesome is best described as a team activity, like baseball or European football. Whereby the experience is shared. Success is dependent on each person executing their roles and the communication that occurs. Whereas cuckolding is more like an individual activity like karate, marathon running, or tennis. Cuckolding requires the woman to define for herself what she wants and needs then do it.  For her to have a successful experience it depends more on the support she receives than team effort.

Following closely with structure many pure cuckolding incorporates some form of BDSM. Typically it will be some form of small penis humiliation or some form of domination whereby sex gets withheld for a time. The extent to which this is incorporated and the extent to which, the practice bleeds into the couple’s daily life varies greatly. It can be said, for a limited number of couples, the line between cuckolding and daily life becomes blurred.

Another aspect that closely relating to structure is time needed. Having a threesome only requires everyone being comfortable enough with each other for sex to occur and for it to be physically enjoyable. Whereas cuckolding, in most circumstances, involves emotional attachment and this typically involves more vetting.

4) Is cuckolding the same as an open relationship?

This author believes is a form of an open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous, in most situations, and the woman forms a long-term emotional relationship with another man / other men. By definition it is not a true open relationship but a variation of it.

5) What type of boundaries should we have?

Boundaries are meant to protect the relationship and to protect the person. It is a way of mitigating a potentially emotionally damaging experience and increasing the chance it becomes an emotionally positive experience. This does not mean boundaries are ‘set in stone.’ but become something change with experience. By not having boundaries can put her at risk and put your relationship at risk too. As we have seen earlier cuckolding is not the same as having a threesome and having similar boundaries will not work.

Boundaries should be based on emotional need, physical need, and safety. As a result boundaries are unique to the couple and their situation, which means providing universal boundaries are difficult. Examples of potential cuckolding boundaries might include:

  • Meeting any potential partners for her
  • Discussing the experience
  • No overnight stays
  • When to text message or call
  • Frequency of meeting
  • Safe-sex
  • Agreeing cuckolding is a mutual decision whereby she may form an emotional attachment to another man
  • When to discuss experience

6) Where can I find a ‘bull’ or someone suitable?

Finding someone can happen anywhere such as the guy standing in front of you checking out at the grocery store or the car wash attendant. It depends on the type of man being sought and the need for privacy. There are a lot of dating web sites and affair related web site that cater to this type of activity. Since they are many and we are not paid to advertise them, this author is not going to list them. Also, swingers clubs can offer opportunities and off-premise events, where no sex occurs, sometimes called munches offer other opportunities.

Regardless of where you search the more important aspect is finding someone who is compatible and this can take some work. This will need some questioning and investment of time before agreeing to anything.

7) What changes may occur in our relationship?

Anytime when you introduce a third into the your relationship it will cause it to change. Typically you may find:

  • Before a ‘date’ she becomes distant
  • She may take time to prepare
  • Sex may become less
  • May become uncomfortable talking about her experiences
  • You may find feeling fearful or anxious
  • Your sex drive may increase or decrease
  • You may find experiencing a plethora of emotions that feel like a roller coaster
  • Conflict may increase over her dates, conflict may increase over feelings of relationship security, or other issues

8) Should they go alone on their first date?

Going to your first date alone is a decision you / she will have to make depending on the situation, the relationship, and all of the dynamics involved. However, from a personal protection standpoint it may be a good idea. Bringing him with helps with a few things:

  • Provides a buffer. If after speaking with the other man on the phone they are not suitable then having your spouse / partner there can help making leaving easier.
  • It lets the other male know this is being done in the open and he does not have to worry about a jealous husband / partner.
  • By bring him with it will help him put a name with a face. This should help ease some concerns he has.
  • It also helps give a second opinion about the suitability of the invited man.
  • It might help safety since your spouse / partner will know what he looks like.

If during the meeting things work out with the invited male then your spouse / husband can leave to leave you alone.

9) Cuckolding experience expectations ?

If you are expecting a scene from a romance novel where your lover sweeps you off of your feet from your husband / spouse or if you envision a scene from a movie where he is ripping off your clothes then maybe your expectations are a bit too high. We all have expectations that are not met then we feel disappointed and cuckolding is no different. Keep your expectations realistic instead of media based. Remember you are dealing with two other people who have feelings, expectations, and needs that sometimes conflict. Being able to resolve those conflicts will be vital for an enjoyable experience. The best way to set expectations is to ask yourself, what do you hope to get from the experience and then find someone who can meet them while communicating to your spouse / partner is the best way. Only by communicating and problem solving will you be able to achieve your needs.

10) Should I let my husband enjoy sloppy seconds?

Depending on the situation and boundaries sloppy seconds may become a part of the equation. Sloppy seconds is a sign to your husband / partner that you have had sex outside of your relationship with them depending on how confident they are they may either enjoy it or become upset. For the right couple it can be something that is shared between them that binds the.

Especially when just starting, there maybe feelings of remorse or guilt over having the experience. It can make sharing sloppy seconds difficult and be seen as a sign of shame. The reality is there is nothing wrong with sloppy seconds and it is something that should be viewed positively.

Finally

Cuckolding like getting out of bed, crossing the street, and driving to work carries risk. Living a risk-free life is not possible and if we could then I suspect life would become boring. Risk is something that can make life interest and motivating. However it can cause a lot of pain and heartache too. The above is meant as a guide to help couples who are considering cuckolding to help mitigate their risk and begin ‘opening the door’ on the subject. When it comes to cuckolding there are no right answer. Nonetheless by taking your time, discussing the subject and trusting each other then the answer for you, as a couple, will be found.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Couples Cuckolding

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Defining Monogamy

Finding the Balance

Threesome Terminology

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide For Her: Surviving the First Date


First DateIntroduction

Cuckolding provides a woman the best of both worlds. An opportunity to openly have a lover that can fulfill needs that only he can fulfill and a chance for her to live out some of her fantasies while maintaining a loving relationship. In order for her to do this requires being dedicated to support her primary relationship, being dedicated to communicating her needs, and be willing to take the first step once the opportunity arises. This guide is a step in the journey and how to make it through the transformation that will occur.

What Have I got myself into?

Defining cuckolding

Cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions is a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship. Broadly speaking this covers all group sex activities but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms.

I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Expectations

Your boyfriend or husband will expect that you will have sex with someone else outside of your relationship. Similarly any man or ‘bull’ you meet will expect sex. However, it is important to remember for men when there are expectations about sex performance issues may arise that may lead to disappointment.

The above may sound intimidating but there is a lot power that is harnessed. As a woman you will have the last say over who you select, what happens to you, and nothing will happen without your consent. This means you can set your expectations and can manage the expectations of others. Ideally for the first date it is good to have minimal expectations to prevent feeling disappointment and creating too much pressure.

What do I want?

What do I want? Is a powerful question that opens many possibilities. It suggest cuckolding can offer the freedom to decide your own destiny and to meet a need that is not being met. Also, it gives the chance to live out a fantasy and to experience something only a few couples ever get to experience.

Being a woman who is control of her destiny and finding a lover without hiding it, brings a degree of power. Being able to get the most from the experience means understanding your needs and desires. Ask yourself what do you want from the experience? What would you like to try or do? Is there something about the experience that draws you to it versus having a threesome? This type of experience can fulfill a secret fantasy or an unfilled need if done correcting.

Communication Relationship Power

Having an enjoyable experience comes to down to a relationship that works and the ability to communicate. Communication for an enjoyable experience is vital. By being able to effectively communicate needs, comfort and limits means putting aside needs of others to focus on your needs. This can mean, at times, there are competing needs but by working through the issues finding a compromise that works for all.

In this type of situation, as a woman, you have a lot of control. For your boyfriend / husband it means making his fantasy a reality will not happen unless you agree. Likewise, the other male will not be chosen unless his needs are align with your needs. Knowing how to use your power becomes vital for meeting your needs and making the experience work for all.

Boundaries

Cuckolding is not having a threesome, which means there is a lot more more freedom but more risk too. For your husband / boyfriend it is a time of great anxiety. Also for them it can be a source of great joy. Understanding your husband / boyfriend is vital for the experience to work for him, for you, and the relationship. Since cuckolding is not like a threesome the same type of boundaries do not work. Instead cuckolding requires a different set of boundaries that focus on safety and relationship.

This means having discussions about:

  • If you will discuss the experience with the other man
  • If you will share ‘sloppy seconds’ with him
  • If sex will happen once you get back
  • Your husband’s / boyfriend’s comfort level
  • Your comfort level
  • If you want him to meet the other man
  • Safe-sex

Also it raises the question should there be forbidden activities like anal sex or kissing? In my opinion, I believe discussing such topics is futile since your boyfriend / husband will not be present thereby not knowing what transpired.

Meeting

Safety

Thinking about your sexual health and physical well-being is paramount. Sometimes bringing your boyfriend / husband to meet the potential playmate can build a bit of a buffer. By doing this it sends subtle message that someone is aware you are out.

Another point to consider is calling or sending texts to give progress on the date. This can be erotic for your husband / boyfriend and it can serve as a valuable instrument for your safety.

Last point on safety, practicing safe-sex is a must. The last thing you want from a few hours of bliss is an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. Best advice use a condom along with a back up birth control method.

Build a Buffer

Meeting someone for the first time can be a very anxious and awkward time. Being able to ‘click’ online or over the phone is one thing; however meeting in person is totally different. From the beginning let the potential playmate know there are no expectations from the meeting and it is about seeing if things can go further. Taking your boyfriend / husband with can give you a perspective that you may not see before deciding to go forward and if you decide not to go forward with the idea then having them there is a way to politely leave.

 At the meeting

Before meeting the third person discuss with your husband / boyfriend about the meeting. Develop signals and code words to signify:

  • comfort
  • nothing will happen
  • you want to leave
  • he is not comfortable with the other male
  • you are getting comfortable with the other male
  • time for him to leave

This may sound obvious but it is easy for him not to notice because he will be going through his own evaluation. Thereby missing something you might be trying to communicate with him. By talking before meeting the other male it will help to make sure the two of you work as a team and help make the evening go seamlessly.

Examples
  • Suggest to your partner to dance or chat to someone as a signal to leave.
  • Suggesting to your partner to buy some drinks as a signal you want to get to know the other male alone
  • Touching or kissing the other male to show comfort
  • Taking off glasses to show discomfort about choice
  • Talking about getting up early as way to leave for husband / boyfriend or you bring it up as way to bring the meeting to an early close
  • Mentioning a friend being ill as a signal to your husband / boyfriend you have no interest in the other male

Finally Alone

Before actually meeting, it may be worthwhile asking what helps him to relax and what helps to make him comfortable. If you have a fantasy about undressing for another male then share it with him.

After all of the communication and meeting the two of you are finally alone. For you it can be a time of fear and uncertainty because your husband is not there with you. Alternatively it may be a time of excitement because of the unbounded possibilities that exist. In either situation it is important to be able to relax and communicate your needs

For him it can be a time of great anxiety. Watch him, do not rush, and spend a few minutes talking. Helping him relax and you being able to relax will help. Men like looking a women naked and undressing slowly in front him will help arouse him. If you are comfortable asking him to undress you this could be an arousing moment for the both of you.

After undressing there is no need to rush. Take time to enjoy each other and explore. Since he is new, let him know what feels good and if necessary guide him. This your time to make your fantasy come true and mold him into your desires.

As the fantasy becomes reality think about what feels good and what do you want to experience. Try to balance it against trying too much and putting too much pressure on him or yourself.

Returning to your husband

If everything has gone as expected then you should being feeling good about yourself and the experience. Soon you will be back with your husband / boyfriend. This can be quite erotic and very intimate if you choose. For some men, ‘sloppy seconds‘ can be quite intimidating but a confident man will know how to enjoy it.

If the two of you have not agreed that you will bathe before laying with him and if you have not agreed the experience will not be discussed then take him to bed. Encourage him to explore you and to feel where the other man has been. Play to his fantasy of sharing you by telling him how good it was and how much you enjoyed it.

Finally

Surviving the first date takes a lot of communication and trust. Also, it involves a special couple that can introduce a third person and continue to make their relationship work. The key to surviving the first date is felling empowered and being in charge of your destiny. If you can communicate your needs and make everyone happy then you are on your way in having it all.

Other Articles of Interest

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Enjoying Slopppy Seconds

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

FAQs about Boundaries

FAQs about Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

Watching my wife have sex

Watching my wife have sex

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Power of Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Debunking Cuckold Myths

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: enjoying sloppy seconds


Sloppy SecondsIntroduction

The idea ‘sloppy seconds’ can be enjoyed is ludicrous. How can a physical sign of ‘infidelity’ be erotic?  For a moment, do not think about what it symbolizes. Instead think about, what does ‘sloppy seconds’ mean to you? Think about the image it creates. Is it an erotic scene or an image that provokes disgust? Diving deeper into the scene can you smell anything? Does the image has a musky, sweaty, or another type of smell associated it with it? Finally how does the idea make you feel?

Getting into the mindset

Why ‘sloppy seconds’ are intimidating

Enjoying ‘sloppy seconds’ starts with the right mindset. ‘Sloppy seconds’ for many can be quite intimidating. At its core ‘sloppy seconds’ represent a partner that has had sex with someone else outside of their relationship. The idea of someone having sex outside of the relationship can elicit strong feelings. When those feelings are intensified by engaging the senses when seeing a sign of ‘the act’ it can become too much.

How can ‘sloppy seconds’ provoke such strong feelings? It symbolizes the sexual attractiveness of your partner, it says your partner can enjoy having sex outside of the relationship with someone else, and it is a reminder you were not the one who pleasured them this time. It can create a hollow feeling that creates an emotional distance from your partner and is a reminder of how fragile your relationship is. So, how can such an act be enjoyed?

View it as a gift not a sign

I remember my first experience with ‘sloppy seconds’ it was beautiful, seeing cum dripping out of her pussy and the smell of sex filling the room. Also it was intimidating because it was a sign that someone else slept with my wife. The combination of sight, smell, and imagery produced a very emotional experience for me.

It was not until sometime later when I began looking back that I began to understand it is not about finding enjoyment from the act of ‘unfaithfulness’ and it is not about finding joy from the remains of an act that did not involve you. She could easily bathe and was away all evidence of her lustful encounter. Instead she is choosing to share it with me.

I soon understood enjoying ‘sloppy seconds,’ comes from inside by being able to see ‘sloppy seconds,’ as an interactive gift that is meant to be enjoyed. ‘Sloppy seconds,’ symbolizes the fulfillment of a fantasy that is meant for sharing and it gives a chance to relive your hot wife’s experience. Furthermore it symbolizes her love for you because she is willing to share something that intimate and allowing you to enjoy it.

Putting aside the fear to enjoy

As I have already said ‘sloppy seconds’ be intimidating but if it is seen as as a gift then it can be quite enjoyable. Enjoying ‘sloppy seconds’ requires being able to connect with you partner on an emotional level and physical level. The first step take time to look, explore, and experience it. Finger her, what does it feel like? What smells do you notice? Allow yourself to become a part of that moment. Next, if you are comfortable, is having your partner regale you with how it happened. Listen to what is being said, what images are now going through your mind as you explore their body? Are you able to connect with the experience and feel are you now a part of it?

Finally

Enjoying ‘sloppy seconds’ means putting aside those things that upset you in favor of viewing the beauty of the gift you are about to receive and finding a way to connect with the experience. It is about seeing the totality of the experience, the confirmation of love, and reaffirming your relationship. Also it is about the enjoying the physical beauty of ‘sloppy seconds’ through exploration. Therefore enjoying ‘sloppy seconds,’ is about being confident in yourself, loving the person you are with, and the willingness to enjoy the experience. If you can do this then you are on your way to enjoy ‘sloppy seconds.’

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Him: Surviving the First Date

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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Follow me on twitter – @3somes3

Follow me on tubmblr

Cuckolding and the power of sloppy seconds


IMG_8628 updated

Sloppy Seconds a curse or a great benefit?

Introduction

Earlier today I was reading an excellent blog about ‘sloppy seconds’. It started me thinking about my own experience with the topic and how I define it. To begin with, the author in the article uses the term, ‘sloppy seconds, liberally. ‘Sloppy seconds,’ as I understand the author’s definition refers to a  man who is second to have sex with a woman after another man finishes having with her and then  uses a sex toy before having sex with her.

Whereas my experience with ‘sloppy seconds, is where a woman after she has, in most cases, gone bareback with another man then goes on to have more sex with a different man. As a result of already having sex she is ‘stretched’ and has cum leaking out of her. Since she is having sex with another man she has not bathed in between lovers and the second gets to experience her much more fully. Regardless of how the term is defined, it can carry very a negative connotation with it but if you become confident enough in yourself, it can be a very powerful experience.

If I wanted to write a thesis on the topic by using the definition by the author and discuss the numerous times using a large vibrator and how it felt to fuck her her wide pussy from it. In my opinion, this would make reading about those experiences quite boring. Instead I will reflect on the few times where we have invited another man to join us or to allow her to have sex on her own.

Experiencing ‘Sloppy Seconds’

For Me

It is difficult to put into words the sheer excitement sharing you spouse can bring along with the devastating crippling fear too. Nonetheless when it is my turn to enjoy her after being enjoyed by another man it was an experience that stimulated all of the senses. Nothing can compare to the musk smell, after sex. It is a powerful smell that is not easily masked. Someone on the street might find it repulsive. However when she is laying there naked with her legs spread and tells you how she was fucked by him, the smell is more intoxicating than alcohol. The smell fills the room like incense. Unlike incense it lingers for a few days.

Visually when I look at her labia they are redden and swollen from already having sex. Her vagina is visually wider with whisker burns of where he was on her. Depending on how long she had sex sometimes I am able to see cum leaking out of her.

Then when I finger her there is a sticky feeling and sometimes back-flow still leaks out. Having sex is quite different. Entering is a lot smoother due to her being wet from cum and she is not necessarily wider. Instead I would say she is stretched, which is a totally different feeling. While I play in my mind the events that just occurred, experiencing every type of possible emotion. From worrying about what just occurred to sheer excitement over just occurred. It is a flurry of emotions that took days, afterwards, for it to settle. From my experience she is still horny from the experience and does not want to spend a lot of time in foreplay.

For Her

Having sex with someone else is a mix for her. She gets enjoys having someone else fuck her and then come home to have sex with me telling me about the experience. It provides her such a large release and I believe it gives her some power. The downside to it for her, the experience is quite powerful and she does not want to get hurt.

Finally

In my opinion it is easy to understand the negative connotation of the word. ‘Sloppy seconds’ puts the second male in the position of having to compare himself to another male who just enjoyed the woman in front of him. For a man who lacks confidence, it can be quite a daunting intimidating. For the man that has enough confidence in themselves and their relationship, it can be a drug more powerful than any known drug available. The power of ‘sloppy seconds’ can be something that obliterates the confidence of a man who lacks self-esteem thereby destroying his relationship or it can be a glue that cements a relationship. Only time can tell which one it will be and planning such an experience needs to be done cautiously.

Couple’s Cuckolding and the ‘what’ scenario


Heterosexual-flag-idea

Couple’s Cuckolding another form of cuckolding

Has the question, what it will be like to have sex with the guy in accounting ever cross your mind? Maybe what would it be like to have sex with someone else? These are typical questions ever individual fantasizes about and considers. However, if you are in a relationship  then you know know such experience can be kept as a fantasy but if it became reality then it could have dire consequences. How would you feel, if there is a way to potentially keep your relationship and live out a fantasy?

Such experiences are not forbidden if done with your partner’s consent and cuckolding might be your solution. Cuckolding is primarily thought of as a form of BDSM involving domination / submission with humiliation as a part of practice.  It typically involves the female half of the couple having sex with someone, typically male who is called a bull, with the knowledge and consent of her partner.  In this type of practice sex is either withheld from the submissive male or it is quite limited. The other form of cuckolding, in which the BDSM elements are not present, appears to be less common and in some ways it can be thought of as answer the question what. For this article, this type of cuckolding will be termed the couple’s cuckold since each member of the couple has an equal a voice in it.

How does this type of cuckolding exhibit itself? It can be the wife wanting to have sex with someone else because she married early and did not have sexual experience before meeting her husband.  Also, it could a threesome that has developed and the invited third person wants to have sex with the female half of the couple alone. It may be the husband / boyfriend wanting his partner to have sex with someone else. Finally it could be female wanting to have sex with an ex or a co-worker. Whatever the scenario, there seems to be two underlying activities that occur. The first is once the woman returns sex with her partner occurs, almost immediately and there is some sharing of the experience with her partner.  These two activities help differentiate it from the more common form of cuckolding.

This brings up the question, how do you approach the idea with your partner? Ideally the couple should have had at least one threesome before trying this and the reason for  this, without a least one threesome experience the couple cannot appreciate the complex dynamics that exist in this type of scenario thereby potentially missing crucial information that will help them decide if this route is the best choice for them. Even without a threesome experience the couple may have a successful experience if it done on a limited basis and opinions are respected.

To begin with not every man is open to the idea and he may be someone that will not accept such a scenario. However, trying to suggest the idea as a part of foreplay or as a part of ‘pillow talk’ in the afterglow of sex might be a good starting point. At this point the goal is suggesting the idea when the chance of resistance is low and the chance they might find the idea arousing is greater. Also at this point any acceptance of the idea should not be seen as consent since they might change his mind outside of the ‘bedroom.’ This author feels the way to start the conversation is by talking about the idea in very vague terms, such as, ‘how would feel if I wanted to fuck another guy and then come home to fuck you?’ Maybe during foreplay try talking about another guy fucking you and how much the thought turns you on. Then if they are willing to consider the idea, try becoming more specific and begin having the conversations outside of the bedroom.

Once the idea moves from the bedroom to discussion during the day, the conversation turns from erotic bedroom fun to discussing the particulars of the cuckold.  After the idea is discussed outside of the bedroom, do not be surprised his attitude may change and you may find there is resistance to it. This is typically called ‘double message’ and it may be a sign that intellectually he is for the idea though emotionally they are struggling with it. At this point, this author recommends, putting the idea to rest and reproaching it in another year while you work on strengthening your relationship with him.

As soon as you are able to discuss the idea the boundaries are different than a threesome where both of you are present. In this type of situation a lot depends on trust and having boundaries that work. Typical boundaries you may want to consider includes:

  • maximum number of encounters with the same person
  • length of time you are with him at any one time
  • acceptable activities
  • safe-sex practices including where the other male can cum
  • personal, physical, and emotional safety
  • how much of the activity will be discussed afterwards
  • priority for this type of experience
  • If he is to meet the other male
  • If he is to have input or veto on your selection of your chosen male.
  • How to contact you if needed and how you will contact him if something happens.

Essentially this means more communication needs to occur, it needs to be more detailed, and any agreed boundaries must be boundaries both of you are willing to adhere to in order to allow trust to flourish. It also, means talking about feelings openly and listening to what the other has to say. Without communicating about the planned cuckold and taking steps to minimize any damage from it, the couple is taking a big risk with their relationship.

Nonetheless, if it is done right this type of experience can be quite enthralling for the couple and it produce a very intense sexual experience for the couple, something they have never experienced. Based on this author’s experience it is a sexual experience that far exceeds that of having a threesome but at the same time it is a very unnerving experience due to the dynamics of the experience. However if it is done wrong it can have very devastating consequences for the couple.  Ideally this is something that should be done for a limited time with the same person and should be done on a very intermittent basis for the couple. Otherwise the couple may begin to loose control of the situation.

Finally this type of experience is a possibly ideal situation for a couple wanting to answer the question of what will it be like if…? However, before embarking on the experience the couple needs to discuss the idea and set boundaries. Without communicating about the experience and accepting that it can be potentially destructive to their relationship is undertaking a risk that they should not. Moreover, if a couple can plan it correctly and limit the number of times they have the experience, then the experience can be an incredible experience that they look back with fond memories.

Submitting to my neighbor a story of a hotwife: Chapter 2 Reliving his hot wife’s adventures


The red-light district in Amsterdam by night

After disembarking from the boat we toured Amsterdam like students on their summer break exploring a new destination and we explored Amsterdam with a joyous glee that comes when exploring something new for the first time. Amsterdam has always been a destination for us to visit but we always had an excuse not to go.  In my ways, this excursion felt as though Michelle and I was a new couple who were just beginning to date.  I suspect that this feeling came about because it is something we talked about doing but never did, like many other things in our lives. Our day in Amsterdam was not hampered from the cold winds blowing off of the North Sea and the wind, as I look back, symbolizes the changes that were to come.

While in the city we went into the Right Light District that is not far from the train station where the ferry transport takes you for the day and it is an easy walk. As a part of our day out in the Red Light District we went into sex shop and rented a two male threesome video to watch in a booth. The booth had a curtain with a chair and it was about the size of a photo booth.  Watching a porno movie in a porno theater booth was something neither of us has tried and we were like two clumsy teenagers in the back seat of a car not knowing what to do. The movie made us both horny and as we were beginning to get into it we heard a knock from the booth next to us. Being new to the experience, at first we thought they wanted us to quiet down because we were giggling but moments later, the guy next to us slid his cock through the glory hole that was between us. We continued giggling to ourselves due to situation then Michelle looked at me for approval and I said, “It is up to my love.” After sliding his cock through the hole, she began to suck him and moments later we could see him shooting is load. We then heard him leave and we could see legs passing by our booth and at that point we decided to leave. This provided us with the high-point to our journey.

Arriving back from Amsterdam things began returning but it returned to a different normality. Prior to Amsterdam, Michelle was quite sexually passive but now she is more involved, sexually. Before, we would have sex, at best, once at week whereby I had to be the one that initiated it and now she is initiating. The new normality filled one void in our lives, the rocky relationship before we left for Amsterdam but I sensed that it created another, Michelle’s desire for having another cock in her. She did not tell me directly but I could tell because there was a feeling that something was missing that was not discussed. It felt similar to the time between our last encounter before our relationship closed and before John. During this time she was happy but it showed through her reluctance not have sex. It was not as though I did not please her because I knew I did please her. Instead I believed it was because she liked a variety of men fucking her and that is something that cannot be given in a relationship without opening it up.

Michelle coming from a proper traditional background had problems stating her desires because she always wanted to please others before her. For her, it meant denying herself the pleasures she wants in order to allow others to be happy and it left her angry, frustrated. She tried not to show it but it came out in order ways, particularly sex. Being with her for twenty years I knew this is what she was wanting and I knew the relationship had to be open again. In order to open up the relationship again, I knew Michelle would have to want to it too. We have gone through our periods of opening it up and then closing it, only to create more problems for us. Sensing her need to have another cock in her, I said to her, “You know it is okay if you want to fuck another guy again.”

“I know, but I don’t want to. We have kids, a family, and life together. I am happy and I do not want to change it”

“How come?”

“You are all that I want right now and I am not interested in it.”

“I get the feeling that you do but you are not comfortable saying it to me?”

“No, I have done it before for our enjoyment and if I change my mind you will be the first to know.”

“During the time of John, George, and Amsterdam you seemed the happiest in a long-time. It is like when we had open up our relationship and you could have other relationships with other men. I feel, as though this is something you need to be happy and I do not like seeing you miserable.”

“Maybe you are right in some respects, but this is not the time.”

With that said I left it, after being married over twenty years you learn there is a context to the message and I understood the context without asking further questions. It was about a month later I started noticing changes in her behavior. The changes when examined in isolation do not mean much but when examined in its entirety it suggests she might be having sex with someone else.  First was taking a volunteer job at the local food bank and the increasing hours she volunteered. Volunteering, in my opinion, means taking a few hours one or days a week to support a cause you like; it does not mean the time devoted becomes almost like a second job. Next were the calls. A call would come in and Michelle would immediately hang-up the once she saw. I could not always hear the conversations but what I did hear was sexually suggestive. However, when I checked her text messages on her phone, I could not find anything incriminating. Then probably the biggest clue that really began to get me questioning what is occurring. That was when I noticed her panties were sticky with a rotting fish smell. I decided to confront her by asking, “Do you have a yeast infection? Are you ill?”

“No silly, why?”

“Because, I have noticed your panties have a noxious smell to them with some type of discharge.”

” I think it might be either from me ovulating or sweating. It is nothing to worry about. ”

Her explanation was lacking but I was not going to push the confrontation because I need to have more information. Then a few days later I found more evidence the beginning of her taking showers after returning for her volunteer job, at that point I decided to confront her about, “You known hun you have been acting a bit strange since taking that volunteer job.”

“Strange, what do you mean?”

“The increasing hours, strange smelling panties, secretive calls, and now taking a shower. If I did not know better I would say you were fucking another guy and not discussing it with me.”

“Sometimes things are best left unsaid, for now.”

“What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it means, you are an adult and you can figure it out for yourself.”

The fact she did not categorically deny my suspicions left me to wonder if she was having another cock and not telling me. Her elusiveness to the question aroused me and made me want to know more. Wanting to know literally became an obsession with me, I had to know. This time I decided to hire a private investigator to follow her to her volunteer job and to report back to me on what she is doing. I figured, it would be less risky if I hired someone and the fact she works in a seedy part of the city would not put my safety at risk. It took me a while before hiring Mark a private investigator works from his home and felt he would be a good choice since operating from his will keep Michelle from suspecting anything by giving me some cover while he investigated.

“What are you wanting to hire me for?” asked Mark.

“I am suspicious about my wife and think that she might be having sex with other men.”

“What have noticed so far?”

“There are suspicious calls, frequent showering, longer hours volunteering, and panties that appear to be cum stained.”

“It does sound as though something is occurring.”

“Is it only with this volunteer job or do you notice more?”

“Only with the volunteering job.”

“Where does she volunteer?”

“She works for a food back in the downtown area in a rougher neighborhood,   that is why I called you instead of investigating it myself. To be perfectly honest with you I am not so bother if she is fucking other men; however, the fact she is being elusive about it bother me.”

“Okay, give me a few weeks and I will come back to you. Whatever you do under no circumstances are you to tell her you hired a private investigator and try to keep things as normal as you can with her. The less she suspects the easier it will be for me and the more information I can collect.”

“Not a problem, how much will this cost me? Once I am done we will work out a price together.”

I left Mark to do his investigating and I tried to get the thought of Michelle out of my head. All was going fine until Michelle said, “I had an interesting day volunteering an older gentleman, scruffy looking, and living by himself came in for some help.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he seemed pathetic but at the same time he did not seem like the others that come through the place.”

“How so?”

“Even though he looked scruffy he really did not seem typical and in some way he was attractive.”

“Attractive enough for you to fuck?”

“I don’t know, maybe.” Michelle paused a few moments before she continued, “I thought I would speak to you and see what you thought. As you know the kids are getting older and will ask questions. So I need to be discreet and the less you know the better for all involved.”

“I can understand what you are saying.”

“In the past, I used to tell you about my experiences and if I go ahead with this one, I won’t. The less you know the less likely the kids will start guessing and it minimizes the chance that questions will be asked.”

“Do what you feel you need to do. However, I do ask once this ends you tell me the details when we have some time alone.”

“Alright, agreed.”

After that conversation with Michelle it left me to question, do I still need Mark since she has indirectly confirmed my suspicions? Regardless of her wanting to keep this quiet in order to insulate the children I want to know what is happening and with that, I decided I will let Mark continue his investigation. A few days later, I received an email from Mark:

Dear Andy:

I am continuing my investigation into your wife’s activities and I have come across some information you might be interested in knowing.

Can you give me a call?

Warmest Regards,

Mark

The email from Mark suggested to me that there was something going on and I could not wait to find out. I called Mark, “Hi Andy.”

“I received your email, what information do you have?”

“Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

“I will send you a detailed report with photographs and video. In the meantime I can tell you, your suspicions about your wife are correct.”

“Go on.”

“Well in order to investigate, I decided to go undercover playing the role of someone who ran out of food and feeling sorry for myself. Usually, in the past eliciting a sympathetic response from a woman seemed a way to gain their trust.”

“How did it go?”

“Well, let me tell you about what happened, she if a bit of a sexual freak.”

“I already know that.”

“I came into to the office close to closing time, looking un-kept, hair messy, poor hygiene, and dirty clothes with a hard luck story. My expectation was I would get some food and then sent away.”

“Michelle said they provide more than just food, I thought it was some religious nonsense where they cram religion down you in order to give you hope when you do not have. A lot of nonsense if you ask  me, anyhow my apologies for digressing.”

“Quite alright, she told me to stay after they closed with the other guys that were waiting. She told me if I did then I would receive something special.”

“Did she say it suggestively? I know when she says something special in a suggestive way it is something more than a present, it is something sexual.”

“She told the other woman that she was working with that she will close and the other woman could go. The other woman was a bit hesitant to leave her alone with about five men but for some reason the other woman left.”

“What did you all do?”

“The office is quite small with a desk, an overhead florescent light and a few plastic chairs. Once the other woman left Michelle stripped for us, exposing for us her perfectly shaped breasts and her perfectly shaped body, in my opinion she looked heaven-sent.”

“You were working for me, what did you do?”

“That left me in a quandary, if I blew my cover it would ruin everything and I would not be able to report back to you. Based on my discussion with you, I chose to keep my cover and not to say anything.”

“Good.”

“She then laid on top of the desk spreading her legs for us and then I saw her glistening wetness and I became instantly hard.” At that point I could see Mark’s face becoming flushed and his speech started showing signs of a tension whereby he was not sure if he should continue.

“Michelle and I have had an open relationship where she had a few lovers and a few lasting more than a year. Nothing you say will shock me. Go, on what happened.” A few moments later it became apparent that Mark started to relax and he continue with what happened.

“She pulls open the top desk drawer pulling out a few vegetables, telling us that sometimes foolish people send them with their donations and because they perish very quickly that they cannot use them. She then tells us she hates to see food spoil and instructs them to use them on her.”

“I know she does have a thing for food play but we never really got into it.”

“She then tells us she wants to be fucked with the food but we cannot fuck her. If we want to cum, she tells, that we have to cum on her.”

“Did any of you participate or did it freak everyone out?”

“The food part of was a bit too much for me, I played with myself as others shoved carrots, horseradish, and cucumbers in her. I was the first one to shoot my load on her. Others caressed her, sucked on her breast, and she even sucked on a few cocks.”

“How long did it last?”

“It lasted about two hours. After we all came on her the first time we heard the keys in the office door and we began to panic.”

“What happened?”

“The other woman that was working with Michelle came back because she left her purse. She saw Michelle naked on the desk and all of us men naked too. We sat there embarrassed for a few minutes”

“Is she going to turn her in?” I asked Mark.

“No, strangely she undressed herself exposing her mature breasts and well toned figure for someone in their early 50s. I suspect it was due to seeing all of us naked and it turning her on.”

“Did any of the guys fuck her?”

“As the guys were re-cooperating she walks over to Michelle and starts passionately kissing her on the lips. Not losing a beat, Michelle kisses her back. A few moment later she works her way down her Michelle’s breast sucking them before eating out Michelle.”

“Did Michelle enjoy it?”

“She did not resist her advances if that is what you are asking. Then unexpectedly she climbs on top of Michelle and they are in a 69 position both of them eating each other out. Seeing that got all of us hard.”

“Did you guys just watch?”

“Fuck no, a few of us fucked Michelle and the other fucked her co-worker. It was quite hot.”

“Thanks for that, it explains a lot. How much do I owe you?”

“No charge that experience was well worth my time.”

I heard the door opening, “Hello, I am home.”

Hearing Michelle’s voice I knew I needed to hang-up quickly, “Send me everything, I gotta go.”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Just a friend.”

“Oh, just a friend. Huh?”

“Yes.”

“You remember when we discussed me fucking other guys again and I said I need to keep things quiet in order not to tip-off the kids?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I would like to share an experience that I had.”

Hearing this from Michelle was unexpected and I paused before responding. I thought should I mention I know about her bukkake experience or do I stay quiet. Also, did she know who I was talking to on the phone? Does she know she was being followed by a private investigator? At least for the moment, I decided I will keep that quiet and wait to see where her experience goes, especially since what I heard from Mark made me hard and this might push me to the brink of cumming.

Nervously and slowly Michelle begins speaking as she does I can see the tension in her eyes, “As you are aware I have been coming home late from my volunteer job and there is a reason for it.”

“Let me guess, you have been fucking someone?”

“Well not exactly, it has been two and at one point it was five.”

“Five?”

“The five just came over me and I sucked a few cocks short of cumming, nothing more.  In my opinion, that really does not count as being fucked.”

“Did they just cum on you or did they play with you too?”

“I did let them use vegetables on me to shove in my pussy. It felt weird but pleasurable. Actually having a cucumber in me made me cum but I would not want to relive that again. Anyhow, I really did not want to share that experience.”

I could feel my heart racing, my mind beginning to race, and I started getting rock hard feeling a bit of pre-cum dripping from my cock in anticipating of what she was going to say next.

“The experience I am going to share I am sure will make you want to cum instantly.”

“Really? Do tell”

“Remember when you asked me about my panties?”

“Yes.”

“I could tell by the way you were asking the question you knew and I felt bad for not telling. However, I could hear the kids in the house and I had to make something up in order to keep this part of my life away from them.”

“I kinda thought that.”

“When you volunteer in a place like I do you can become emotionally attached to people and even though they are going through some tough times you develop an attraction for them. During my time there I develop an attraction for two guys.”

“I never saw you as someone who would fuck two guys without having me there or being attracted to destitute men.”

“Well neither did I, until it happened. One of them came in at about 13:00 that afternoon and he had been regularly hitting-on me as I was walking to my car in the dark at 17:00.”

“Hey, has been a while since I have fucked a great pussy like yours,” he would say to me as I left.

“I would ignore him as I went to my car. Then he started getting a bit more aggressive towards me and would push me against the car. However, once I try to leave he would allow me and since I was free to go I never reported it.”

“Come on baby, let me have a feel, all I am asking for is a feel. I am not asking to fuck you.” he would say.

“Then he got even more aggressive, by taking a beer bottle shoving me up my dress and trying to shove it into my pussy. The cold air on my exposed pussy lips did nothing to arouse me and made me want to fight back.”

“Again, I said no to him but having the bottle being shoved in to my pussy frightened me. However, it did kind of aroused me, too. It make me horny but I did not like his aggressive nature so I told him no.”

“How come you did not report him to the police or ask for protection when you left?”

“I did not see him as a threat. His desperation for a fuck was a compliment and I wanted the attention. The night before I fucked him he tried again, pinning me against the car but this time he fingered me. When his worn fingers entered my pussy it brought me to an instant orgasm.”

“You liked?” he asked me.

“Yes very much so, come in tomorrow afternoon and I will have a surprise for you.”

“I come in around 1PM.”

“He came in at 1PM, went through the process in order not to attract attention, and then asked me he could take me out afterwards. With others around I said no but I winked to him to let him know that I was only teasing. I then told him not to be too down; if he could stay he might be surprised.”

“So what happened?”

“Don’t rush me.”

I could see Michelle’s nipples beginning poke through her top and I know that this story must arose her. “It was about two hours later when another gentlemen walk through the door. Now, he was attractive very well kept, nice fit body, and well groomed.”

“I thought they were all messy and dirty?”

“Not this one, anyhow I asked him to stay too since I was the one there and I would be closing. After closing time I closed the office, I started kissing the first one, and began undressing the better kept guy.”

“What happened next?” At this point I can see Michelle’s eyes light up and I can tell retelling the story is arousing her too.

“Then I lay on the desk spreading my legs telling both of them to do what they want with me.”

“So did they?”

“There more scruffy guy began eating me out as I began sucking the other guy’s cock. It tasted heavenly. By then I was getting lost in the moment and not really aware of what is happening around me. The scruffy guy begins stretching out my pussy before he buries he whole fist deep into my pussy.”

“Did it make you cum?”

“It made me cum repeatedly. Then he shoved his cock deep into my pussy. I could feel it grasping like a tiger grasping its dead prey as it devours it, his cock in me fed a part of me making me cum repeatedly. I felt him explode in me and as he finished shooting his load I pulled the other guy to fuck me.”

“How did he feel? Was he any better?”

“He entered my leaking and stretched pussy. However I could not feel him. I rolled on my stomach telling him to fuck me in my ass.”

“Did he?” At this point I could not contain myself, Michelle’s story was getting me hard and I could feel the urge to cum pushing up from my balls. I knew I have to hold off and I knew I wanted to hear the rest of this story. So I paused, allowing my desire to cum subside before asking, “What did he do next?”

“He licked my ass and applied a bit of spit to his cock before slowly entering me. I could feel his cock grow in my and I could feel it feel it filling my ass. ”

“Did it hurt without using a lot of lubrication?”

“Surprisingly no, he started moving faster I started cumming again and it was not long before he shot his load deep into my ass before it leaked out.”

“Was that the end? Did you leave?”

“No we did not leave. We were all still horny and I told the both of them I want both of them to fuck me at the same time. Neither needed any help getting hard again. The scruffy guy fucked me in my pussy again while the other guy fucked me in my ass. This time it was incredible.”

After Michelle shared that story we both were quite horny. I had not problem sliding into Michelle wet and hot pussy. She came several times before I finally shot my load deep into her. It was not longer after her telling me that story that she resigned her volunteering job. Even though Michelle had sex with several guys at the same time and she did not fully explain the secretive calls it has brought us together. I do not believe her fucking other men then coming home to tell me about it is the reason we are closer. Instead I believe it is the choice she has, how she exercises that choice, and the communication that we have that makes this such an enjoyable experience for the both of us

Why couples choose cuckolding?


Kama Sutra Illustration

Introduction

Life is a journey that each of us makes. Along the journey, we find people who join us and sometimes they leave to continue on their path. On the route we travel, feedback from others and learning occurs causing a change in path for our journey. My journey has allowed me to learn more about cuckolding and weave it with my experiences with threesomes. If someone were to ask me, what is one area that my knowledge is increasing form this journey? The response I would give, the biggest evolution of I have seen is my opinion of cuckolding.

Defining Cukolding

Before continuing, it is important to define cuckolding since each person defines it differently. Cuckolding involves the involvement of another person in a relationship either on a short-term or long-term basis that requires consent of the non-participating individual. Furthermore this activity is typically expressed with one individual in the relationship having sex outside of the relationship while the other partner remains monogamous. The reason for this can vary from opening up the relationship, to a domination / submission relationship, or various other reasons. Therefore, I feel cuckolding is best described by using a spectrum definition. A spectrum definition for cuckolding means examining:  the presence or absence of: domination / submission in the relationship, the degree to which  describing the relationship as an open relationship, the length of relationships, and the number of relationships, and the frequency that contact with the other person occurs. Thereby making the definition of cuckolding difficult due to the various ways it is expressed.

For those who have read my writings may know my experience with cuckolding has been with one strand of cuckolding and I have come to appreciate that there are other strands too. From my experience, I feel there is an underlying assumption, that cuckolding and cheating are synonymous. Cheating involves a violation of trust, due to a violation of boundaries and the breakdown of communication that leads one partner to meet their needs outside of the relationship. Whereas cuckolding involves, maintaining trust through an open and honest discussion about the activity. It also involves establishing boundaries, and working as a team to maintain the established boundaries. Therefore, the root of the difference comes from cuckolding is done in the open and done to the extent that the couple is agreeable versus an activity that is done in the cloak of secrecy.

The above definition may seem puzzling to some and I will try to provide a few examples as to how I envision cuckolding. One example is a typical scenario of the male feeling inadequate about penis size or is quite submissive in the relationship. In order for the male to address the inadequacy or to express his submissive nature in the relationship, the couple enters into cuckolding. This scenario will score high on domination / submission along, scoring high with the relationship being whereby the submissive male remains monogamous and scoring high on the other aspects. My feeling this comes about due to the couple waning to incorporate domination / submission into their relationship or it could come about as a way to maintain the relationship.

Another example would be similar to the above example but this time the male half of the couple is dominant with a submissive female partner. I feel, this could come about because the woman is in a high demanding role where she needs to be in control and this is one way for her to loose some control. Alternatively, I feel, this could come about from the couple wanting to have traditional roles and the woman does this not to please her husband. If you were to score this scenario it would score high on domination / submission, high on being an open relationship due to one person remaining monogamous, but scoring as it relates to relationship including number would be lower than the first example since this would most likely be a more controlled situation. Reason for the lower scoring on the number of relationships and length would most likely be due the amount of time needed before the woman agrees and her need to maintain her relationship with her partner.

Third example would be a couple exploring the idea of having sex with someone outside of the relationship. This would, most likely be a one-off or limited time experience that is not regularly repeated. The idea here is to allow one partner, for whatever reason, a chance to explore sex with someone else. This means this type of activity:

  • Is done in the open with their partner’s knowledge and consent
  • The relationship is not opened up since it is done for a limited time
  • There is not a BDSM element operating such as domination or humiliation
  • There is boundaries about the activity
  • There is agreement on how much information is shared.

Scoring this would result in a very low score for domination / submission due to the decision being about exploration. In addition, it would score low on being an open relationship since this experience would maintain emotional monogamy. Finally, it would score low on other aspects since it is about exploring and not maintaining a relationship.  Typically couples that want to explore the idea, try something different, or fulfill a fantasy would pursue this type of scenario.

A final example would be role-playing the idea. This implies that the couple does not physically involve a third person but plays out the idea. When scoring it this would mean domination / submission would be either moderate or low, depending on the scene. Others would be non-existent since there is not the involvement of a third person.

Many readers is at this point may be asking what is the point of this review or essay? The answer to this question is not easy, since there seems to be some confusion about cuckolding and some hostility to it as a subject. The rest of this essay will examine some of the reasons why a couple might consider the idea.

Ideally, I believe, cuckolding is something a couple should consider only after having some type of group sex experience together. Reason for this belief is grounded in the belief that by having the group sex experience a couple understands what is involved, understands if cuckolding is an option for them, and develop communication skills needed to help them work through a cuckolding experience. Now, I realize that we do not live in the ideal world but the real world, which means people / couples do not operate as expected. For couples who do not come to cuckolding as an extension of their group sex experience, I feel, there are several reasons why a couple might choose cuckolding and those reasons are discussed in the rest of this article.

Motivation

In the above paragraphs, I briefly touched on relationship variations where cuckolding might occur and in this section, I will go deeper by talking about motivation for a couple a couple. Motivation, simply put it is the reason why a couple participates in having a cuckold due to the rewards it provides the couple and the rewarding being provided exceeds the risk of having a cuckold.

For example, Couple A (a fictitious couple) who has been married 15 years decides to try cuckolding. The husband, Mark, find the idea of his wife having sex with someone else arousing and his wife, June, decides to provide that experience for him. After having sex with another man, June, comes back telling Mark about it and Mark then has sex with sex. Mark finds his orgasm is intense even though while June is out Mark went through  plethora of emotions from extreme fear to a high state of arousal from imagining what June is doing with her lover. From the experience Mark and June have found they have improved communication and a deeper trust of each other. In this case the motivation for the couple is the positive change in their relationship.

With that said, in the above example change in the relationship is a motivating factor for having a cuckold and it this can be quite a powerful motivator. However there are others, such as wanting to explore the idea, allowing sexual freedom, exploring domination / submission, and other reasons. The reason for motivation, this author feels, will determine to extent the couple will peruse cuckolding.

Reward

This author is not going to get into a Psychology 101 discussion of positive and negative reinforcement, rewards. Instead I will continue with the above example of the couple in the section on Motivation and discuss rewards. Unlike motivation understanding the risk is not necessary. In understanding rewards, the reward must be strong enough to encourage the continuation of the behavior. This means in the above example the rewards for Mark are the emotions he goes through, hearing about his wife’s experience after she comes back, and being able to have sex with her once she returns. For June the rewards includes having sex with someone else, breaking society’s norms, and sex with her husband.

It is obvious from the above example that the rewards being given will diminish over time an as a couple they will have to find other rewards to maintain their motivation for cuckolding. For the above couple, it could be the changes in their relationship may be enough to motivate them as the rewards diminish or it could be, as the rewards diminish, the couple looses their interest in cuckolding. This means their is a relationship between the rewards and motivation.

Society’s Norms

From birth message about roles and relationships bombard us. The messages come from religion, school, observing adults interact, and test our beliefs while searching for a partner that meets our needs. From there we incorporate some, rebel against others, and follow some norms until being able to replace it our belief regarding relationships resulting in a philosophy about what we believe is acceptable in a relationship.

My feeling, one factor that I feel motivates couples towards cuckolding or conversely is the biggest barrier in exploring cuckolding is, societal norms regarding relationships. For many couples adhering to societal norms provides a level of stability, a sense of security, a sense of worth / purpose, and decreased anxiety because they are living within society’s expectations.

Adhering to societal norms does not ensure a successful relationship but can lessen conflict within the relationship, thereby maintaining relationship stability. For couples that choose to divert from societal norms cuckolding becomes a possibility, though not a guarantee. Couples who choose this route may risk being discovered, may risk being spurn by those around them, and may risk isolation if because they chose a different route. However, if a couple can successfully balance the desire to define their relationship based on their values, instead of society’s, along with the anxiety that is created by not strictly adhering to society’s expectation then may find happiness by having more control over their relationship.

Needs

Need differs from a want because a need is something that must occur in order to maintain the relationship. Essentially this means without it, the relationship would cease to exist or at least be fraught with conflict. This can be risky for the relationship, since a need maybe one-sided whereby one person needs it to stay in the relationship while the other person does not. The differing value on the need puts pressure on the other to agree to fulfill the need or risk the relationship ending. Being able to negotiate need and communicate them becomes paramount for the survival of the relationship.

For example, couple B decides to try a cuckold relationship because one of them has a higher sex drive and the other has a low sex drive. Couple B believes by meeting the need of the individual with the high sex drive, by allowing a cuckold to occur, relieves pressure on the individual with the lower sex drive to have sex, thereby maintaining an equilibrium in the relationship. Arguably, it is a need because the couple feel cuckolding is central to maintain the relationship. However, I believe, this is a want since other possibilities exist before considering the option for cuckolding. This type of scenario also raises another issue regarding the impact on the relationship because the lower sex drive may not feel complete because they do not meet their partner’s needs thereby adversely influencing their relationship and it does not address an underlying issue in the relationship the reason for the competing sex drives.

Wants / Exploration

It is easy to confuse needs for wants. In this situation, a want is something that moves the relationship in a different direction and comes from the desire to try something different. This implies a want is not core to keep the relationship viable and it something for consideration. At this point, it is important to mention, a desire to explore is different than replacing something that is missing in the relationship or fix a trouble relationship. If the decision to try cuckolding is to fix or save a failing relationship then it is not want and probably a sign that cuckolding is the wrong choice until the issue is resolved.

Another example, Couple C ( a fictitious couple), appears to be a very typical married couple. They are enjoy trying new things, evaluating them, and then deciding their next step. Fred one day suggest to Melissa that he would like to have her have sex with another male. At first Melissa is shocked but then acquiesces to Fred’s suggestion and meets Tom for a one-off meet, with Fred’s knowledge. Both Fred and Melissa enjoy the experience but decide it is not for them.

Finally, this author feels the difference between a want and need is dependent on the extent to which the relationship depends on meeting it. In the example with Couple B, there was a need in order to maintain the relationship and minimize conflict. Whereas the couple wanting to explore the idea,  Couple C, is a want, since the relationship could continue without trying cuckolding.

Resolution

Under this type of motivation, the couple may want to explore cuckolding in order to resolve a question or a mundane issue that comes up without having an impact on the relationship. A question that cuckolding might be used to resolve would be, “what it would feel like if I did have sex with my first boyfriend?” Another question might be, “What would it be like to have sex with the guy that flirts with me while he takes my order at the coffee shop?” Alternatively, the mundane issue could be one partner not having as much sexual experience as the other, a boyfriend / girlfriend from the past, an attraction to someone outside of the relationship, or another issue.

Compromise: Monogamy versus open relationship

Arguably cuckolding can provide a solution for a couple who wants an open relationship but wants to maintain some level of monogamy. In a cuckolding situation monogamy only remains for the partner who does not participate. This means cuckolding provides a compromise solution between having a threesome and an open relationship.

Conclusion

Life is a journey that provides many detours, dead-ends, scenic routes, and expressways. Every couple that exits on cuckolding will find that cuckolding will take them to different places with some staying on the cuckolding highway. In order for them to stay on the cuckolding highway, there needs to be enough rewards fueling  their motivation for continuing with cuckolding. Without motivation and rewards cuckolding for a couple will end

Lastly, cuckolding is there for the consideration as a tool in a relationship but it does not mean all of us have to partake. Instead it means appreciating the diversity and richness it brings.  This means, someone else’s journey may not be appropriate for us but we understanding their journey means we can better improve ours. By being able to learn form it, we can learn something a bit about ourselves, what motivates us, what  motivates others, and integrate that learning into our lives. As an author I am glad cuckolding is an option because of the richness it can bring and I hope all that read this article can appreciate it too.