10 things you should know about having a threesome but were afraid to ask


20130714_173035-1Introduction

Over the last few years I have seen progress being made regarding the acceptance of threesomes but we still have a long ways to go before it is accepted as mainstream. There are still a lot of couples who approach having a threesome with very little knowledge and not sure what is involved. Below are a few questions regarding threesomes and over the coming weeks I plan to add more to it.

1) They show interest in having a threesome in the bedroom, does it mean they will agree to have a threesome?

No. Saying you want a threesome during foreplay, during sex, or immediately afterwards is no indication of there interest. Why?

From the start of foreplay our resistance to suggestions lowers because of the state of arousal and the closeness we feel to our partner. As arousal increases resistance further decreases and using of fantasies to further increase arousal continues until climax. After climaxing there is a period time the euphoria from sex continues and this, I believe, allows bonding to occur.

Once sex ends we continue with our daily lives and face the challenges it presents to us. Essentially when interest in having a threesome is expressed it about the fantasy not reality.

2) They have said they will agree to a mfm threesome if I agree to a fmf threesome. Should I agree?

No. Quid-pro-quo, sometimes referred to as ‘something for something’ is a risky situation that requires a lot of trust and very detailed knowledge of your partner. A downfall of this type of agreement occurs after the first threesome and the other does not want to have another threesome. Many times this leads to hurt feelings and conflict in the relationship because there is a feeling of violation of a trust that exists.

A better solution is reaching an agreement on having a threesome then after the first threesome experience evaluating it to determine if it is possible to have another. If it is possible to have another threesome then discuss needs and desires.

3) Should I find someone and surprise them with a threesome?

Again the answer is no. Surprise threesomes rarely work and in most cases they can be quite embarrassing because cues were misread. Instead obtain your partner’s / spouse’s agreement about searching for a threesome for them on your own.

4) They have said no to a threesome. What Should I do?

If someone says no to you, what do you do? In most cases we either ask for feedback or forget about it. Asking for a threesome is the same. If you decide it is not worth pursuing then that is a choice. However, if you ask for feedback there is a few reasons why and sometimes your spouse / partner may not share it. A few of the reasons might include:

  • Wrong approach used
  • Goes against their beliefs
  • Timing was wrong
  • Misread cues from your partner
  • They may be open to the idea but your suggestion was no in line with what they were expecting / wanting
  • It is something they need to consider
  • Not enough trust due to length of relationship or ongoing relationship issues
  • Underlining relationship issues
  • View it as cheating
  • Afraid to be with someone else because of their limited sexual experiences

Should you choose to ask for feedback it will help you gauge the next step and it will help with communication in the relationship. If a conversation about having a threesome can begin then it is possible that sometime in the future it might occur.

5) How Can I convince them to have a threesome?

There are web sites that claim you convince your spouse / partner to have a threesome but I believe there is no method that will convince them. At the heart of the matter, they must want to have a threesome and if they firmly oppose having a threesome then it is unlikely they will ever agree to have one.

The one thing that you have is time. Time changes everything. Initially may be resistant to the idea but over time their resistance softens. Another weapon in your arsenal is behavior. Relationship security can be a big hurdle for a threesome. Changing they way you relate to your partner and making time for them may be all that is needed. This means convincing them is more about being supportive and providing a channel for discussion than employing a technique to magically get them to agree.

6) They have said yes to the having a threesome, what is our next step?

There are two steps that need to occur almost simultaneously. First step is setting boundaries, which is discussed later in this article. Second is finding the third person. Once discussion on boundaries begins finding the third person should occur. Finding the third person should be a joint effort because it will require each of you agreeing to the choice. How the searching is done is your decision. Once you find them it is important to do some screening and asking them questions. Finally during this time it is important to review boundaries, discuss feelings, and discuss comfort level to ensure no issues that can hurt the relationship arise.

7) Do we need boundaries?

Yes. Boundaries build trust that allows the threesome to occur. They reduce the chance hurt feelings or arguments arise. Some will say they do not need boundaries because they want their partner to choose what they want to experience only to find later they did not consider ‘X’ will happen. Boundaries do not need to be complex and they do not need to be detailed. Instead can be a few rules that everyone has the same understanding that define the threesome.

There are three types of boundaries that need discussing. First, relationship boundaries. Relationship boundaries relate to how the relationship will handle having a threesome. In my situation our relationship boundary regards not using the experience against the other. Meaning, it is a mutual decision that we both make and will not blame the other.

Second type of boundary are threesome boundaries. These will be boundaries that relate to the threesome and will change a In the beginning they should be basic and be specific. While avoiding having too many or boundaries that conflict.

Third type of boundary are implied boundaries. Implied related to expectations, acceptable acts, and acts in the threesome that are off limits. They are implied because it will impossible to go through every possible scenario and impossible to comprehend every possible scenario. Therefore assumptions must be made and if there is going to be an argument regarding boundaries then there is a good chance this will be the type of boundary causing the conflict.

8) How do we find someone that is interested?

Finding a woman interested in a threesome can be a bit challenging, especially if you are looking for a single straight female. However if you are looking for a male the time needed is much shorter. With the boom in mobile and cellular phones finding someone for a threesome is becoming easier. There are applications for your phone and tablet. Websites that focus on threesomes, foursomes, and dating. Also there are swingers clubs, munches, and other similar type of activities that occur in public. Finally if you are open to the experience sometimes finding someone can occur at the most unlikely places.

9) What is it like watching them having sex?

The two of you can discuss feelings, signal for discomfort, and how it might impact the both of you; however until it happens no one will have an idea. For some it is the most erotic experience. Watching someone else pleasing their partner as they participate. Others it is quite possibly the worst experience of their life. Most likely it will fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

If the two of you communicate and have a good relationship then it is reasonable to expect some fear along with a lot of excitement. Should this be your first experience then you may have issues with being comfortable communicating in all situations. This may mean letting the invited person know how they can help increase your enjoyment may be difficult thereby not being able to get the most from the experience.

10) Can you enjoy sloppy seconds in a threesome?

Yes. If you are participating and you all the invited male to have sex with your wife / girlfriend first. Be aware she might be a bit uncomfortable and may want you to only to have sex with her. Talk with her before the threesome. Then watch her reaction and listen for cues regarding her comfort level.

Other articles of interest

Easing into Cuckolding or Swinging

How to plan and manage a threesome using a checklist

Having the initial discussion

Moving beyond the initial conversation

Using quid-pro-quo as a negotiating position for a threesome

Questions for the third person

Threesome stages

Threesome Terminology

Defining Cheating

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Cuckolding Beginners Guide: After Yes Now What?


First Date questionIntroduction

The time between agreeing to try cuckolding and her first date is an important time. It is a time if handled wrong it can mean relationship issues that can destroy the relationship. Also, it can mean a breakdown in communication and it can mean putting her safety at risk once the first date occurs. This guide will share relationship secrets and planning secrets to make her first cuckolding date enjoyable.

Defining Cuckolding

What is cuckolding?

Before discussing cuckolding it is important to ask yourself what does cuckolding mean to you? Is it a hot wife that has many male lovers outside of her loving relationship with her husband? Maybe it is dominating wife who humiliates her husband by taking on another lover because he has a small penis? Perhaps it is a wife who wants to know what it is like to have sex with someone outside of their relationship and experience another penis.

The answer to the question, there is no  universal definition and everyone has there own definition of cuckolding. This means, cuckolding takes on many different definitions but the underlying meaning of all definitions an unifying theme. All definitions include a man whose wife / girlfriend has sex with someone else outside of their relationship that is done with his knowledge and consent.

For some it raises the question is cuckolding cheating? The answer is perceptional and outside of the scope for this article.

BDSM and Couples

Arguably anytime a couple involves a third person in their relationship it can be cuckolding but to understand cuckolding it is important to briefly understand the forms. I believe cuckolding comes in two ‘flavors’ couples and BDSM. Couples cuckolding in many ways is a quasi open relationship. Whereby the woman has sex with someone outside of their relationship for their mutual enjoyment. The difference, I believe, between an open relationship and couples cuckolding is couples the latter is short-term with the focus on not forming an emotional relationship with the third person.

The above differs from cuckolding that follows the more traditional BDSM route that involves some form of humiliation or domination. In the more traditional form it is a form of open relationship. Whereby the man remains monogamous while his woman partner / spouse forms a relationship with someone outside of the relationship.

Type of Cuckolding and Planning your first date

Understanding the two different forms of cuckolding is important because it will help guide the couple on the type of experience they want. By defining the type of experience, it will help them communicate and help find a man that is likely to support the experience they wish.

Couples Cuckolding

If she is leaning towards a couples cuckolding experience then experience is short-term and probable will not need her husband’s / boyfriend’s involvement in choosing the other male. The focus here is on short-term physical enjoyment. It is possible the first date may be meeting for sex instead of drinks.

BDSM

This may take her longer to find and may require more involvement, if asked. Since this type of arrangement may be for the long-term she may ask her husband / boyfriend to come with for input. Alternatively she may keep him updated regarding the progress of the date. Planning may become more intricate and finding a male who is willing to accept such an arrangement make take longer. The date in this type of situation may resemble a couple meeting for the first time and may involve several meets before any sexual activity occurs. As a couple working out safety and boundaries becomes paramount to protect the relationship.

After Yes What Next?

She agrees to try cuckolding but what next? Being a couple with that look like ‘deer in a headlight’ is not an option. After agreeing to explore cuckolding and before the first date there is a period between agreeing and the first date. During this period the couple goes through some drastic changes. These changes range from emotional withdrawal, to fear, and to sheer excitement. Some describe the experience as a roller coaster of emotions.

Where do you look?

The first step involves finding a suitable male. Finding a suitable male for cuckolding is nerve-racking since it has to be someone that is trustworthy and will not hurt her. This can lead to the search taking longer and being more cautious.

In the digital age there are many ways to search from:

  • using the internet
  • talking to friends
  • using apps on your phone
  • striking up conversations
  • letting it happen naturally by giving her a ‘hall pass.’
  • vising a swingers club or social

Searching for a cuckolding experience is different from a threesome. Cuckolding relates to how the couple relate to each other instead of how the relate to the invited male. When searching for a threesome it involves finding someone who shares similar interests as the couple and because having a threesome is more popular than cuckolding. As a result many sites have sprung up catering to subgroups of threesomes such as bisexual men or single women seeking a couple. Whereas cuckolding involves finding a compatible male. This means cuckolding tends to blend in a bit more and taking time to read profiles becomes more important.

She is Shy Introverted

The Issue

For her agreeing to try cuckolding might be overwhelming. It means finding another male to have sex with and worry if the relationship will survive the experience. It may cause her to be cautious and actively seek the experience. Alternatively she may be naturally shy and does not seek a cuckolding experience. So how can you help her if she is shy or reluctant?

Before searching it is important to talk about her reluctance  if she is normally outgoing. Without talking discussing her reluctance it can open the door to relationship issues that can have a far-reaching effect long after the experience is over. Furthermore it can impact her ability to effectively communicate her comfort, it can impact her enjoyment, and impact her feeling of security because she is not meeting a need.

Does this mean she should not try cuckolding? No, being shy does not mean she is unable to enjoy the experience nor does it mean she should not have the experience. Instead it means making sure she is able to effectively communicate her needs and those needs are understood.

Overcoming the Hurdle of being Shy Introverted

Being introverted and cuckolding are not incompatible; however, it can pose a hurdle. Finding a cuckolding experience is similar to a threesome because both use similar sources. The difference lies in the process for finding a suitable male. Typically searching for a cuckolding is an individual experiences whereas searching for a threesome is more of a shared couple experience.  Since she is shy it may mean, as her husband or boyfriend, you will have to help her. This may mean seeking her agreement to allow you to find someone, seeking her agreement to allow you to arrange you for her to meet someone, or it may mean giving her support.

Setting Basic Boundaries

One of the big differences between having a threesome and cuckolding are boundaries. Threesome boundaries tend to focus on protecting the relationship, building trust, and providing for a sense of well-being by ensuring needs are met. Cuckolding boundaries are different. The focus for cuckolding is physical safety and to a certain extent protecting while ensuring information is communicated.

Choosing the ‘Bull’ Other Male

Cuckolding normally requires choosing the other male is her choice but she may ask for husband / boyfriend for their advice. Depending on the cuckolding experience she is seeking it will decide the male she chooses. If she is shy then she may ask her boyfriend / husband to help. His involvement should be agreed before  any searching occurs and should be limited.

Finally

Not many couples realize saying yes to cuckolding is only the beginning before the real work begins. Taking time to set boundaries and to search will help make sure an enjoyable experience and help make sure the relationship survives. Without taking time to talk through the issues and set basic boundaries the risk to her is high.

Other Articles of Interest

Cuckolding Beginners Guide for Her: Surviving the First Date

Cuckolding Beginners Guide: Enjoying Sloppy Seconds

Universal Boundaries

FAQs Regarding Boundaries

5 Laws for Establishing Boundaries

Cuckolding Relationship

Easing into Cuckolding or Threesome

8 Cuckolding Secrets Every Couple Should Know

Watching My Wife Having Sex with Another Man

Cuckolding and the Power Sloppy Seconds

Debunking Cuckold Myths

Threesome Terminology

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How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #3 – being confident


IMG_8702Introduction

Think of a time in your life where the outcome was not known but before the event some preparation occurred. For many of us, finals at university or preparing for a job interview are examples. Now ask yourself, “did I feel confident?” Mostly there was nervousness from fear of the unknown but there was also an underlying confidence of that came from preparing.  The confidence that came from preparing made it possible to work through being confronted with the unknown and being able to get through the experience.

In many ways persuading them to have a threesome is akin to preparing for finals at university or preparing for a job interview. Why do I use these analogies? Your partner / spouse will be wanting answers and gauging your response. If you were considering the idea of having what will persuade you more, a partner / spouse that was uncomfortable with the idea or a spouse / partner that is confident? How do you develop the confidence to persuade your spouse / partner to have a threesome?

Getting comfortable with idea

Having a threesome means having an experience that is out of the realm of experiences for about 80% – 95% of adults. At the heart of a threesome, involves having someone on watch while the other engages sexually with someone else. By not previously having this experience it may mean the impact of introducing someone else and then having sex with them maybe underestimated.

So, if you never had the experience and group sex experience is out the range of human experience, how do you get comfortable? There are some good free sites, besides this one, that can offer support.  A good starting point are Reditt’s cuckold  and swingers community. Also Society for Human Sexuality’s web site offers a good introduction to the topic but the one drawback it focuses on swinging as lifestyle instead of an experience. Another good free site includes Yahoo! Answers and Groups United States site. Finally there are some books that can help with the subject.

Another aspect involves communicating with a third person on a very intimate level and being present when it occurs. This runs contrary to what all of us have been taught about monogamy and relationships. Talking, flirting, and intimate touching can be unnerving to watch when it involves someone you love interacting intimately with someone else.

The above gives you information regarding what it may be like having a threesome and the information comes from other peoples’ experiences. Next step involves using that information and formulating what it may be like. Then from there it is deciding what a threesome could be like. Once you have enough information it means asking yourself, “is having a threesome with my spouse /partner something I want?”

Think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs

It may seem counter intuitive to think of your partner’s / spouse’s needs instead of your own. Having a threesome is much more than the physical act of sharing bodily fluids among three people. It is a journey for a couple and a communication exercise. This means understanding where the relationship is, where it is going, and understanding the impact of a threesome. Essentially it means thinking the idea through before suggesting it and before speaking with them it is important to think:

  • What will they get from having a threesome?
  • How will it impact them?
  • What will be their fears?
  • What will they like about the experience?
  • How will it impact your relationship?
  • How will it impact your ability to interact and support them?

The above are some of the questions that need considering before discussing the idea and as you discuss the idea with them. By going through this exercise it will help you better understand discussing having a threesome goes beyond the needs of an individual but the needs of everyone involved.

Putting it together

Discussing the idea of having a threesome can be fraught with issues. Nonetheless, during the discussions your partner / spouse will be surmising, trying to determine your level of confidence and motivation for suggesting the idea. If your partner / spouse feels you ulterior motives  or if your spouse / partner feels you are looking for conflict then it is likely the discussion can spiral into conflict.

One method of trying to avoid conflict and have an open discussion about the idea of having a threesome involves speaking being confident. This means thinking through the idea, understanding what is involved, and being able to openly discuss the idea without resorting to manipulation.

By understanding what may occur in a threesome, understanding how it relates to your situation, and then communicating those ideas can build confidence in your partner that having a threesome might be the right idea.

Related Articles

Defining Monogamy

Separating Sex from Love

Communication

Bringing up the idea

Getting comfortable with the idea of having sex with someone else

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #4: marathon not sprint

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #2: separating emotional sex from physical sex

How to persuade them to have a threesome: Secret #1: nice to have versus must have

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What is outing?


 

beachOuting: Cuckolding and Swinging

What is the first image that enters your mind when you hear the word outing? For me it is someone who is exposed as being gay and it is done against their wishes. The image is very troubling since it involves someone who has a part of their life exposed against their choice. Does this mean ‘outing’ carries the same negative connotation in the alternative sexual practices community.

Luckily for me I have never faced that issue. We do not work at hiding our interest but at the same time we do not draw attention to ourselves by speaking about it in public. So, we have learned how to protect ourselves.

In the swinging community outing has a very similar meaning. It involves being exposed as someone who participates in the lifestyle. Sometimes it is a family member, your job, and on a rare occasion someone you have ‘played with will expose you. This can be upsetting for those who have been outed.

Whereas for cuckolding outing takes on a different meaning. Outing means, in the context of cuckolding, exposing someone who has a small penis. This can be arousing if it falls within the agreed boundaries.

In answer to the question does outing have the same meaning? No, it depends on the context of the situation and it can be arousing experience for some, if it is done right.

 

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Fantasy versus Reality of having a threesome: Chapter 6 – You can never go back


English: A GIF animation about the summary of ...

Without time travel the impact of a bad decision cannot be reversed

Recall reaching the time when agreeing having a threesome. I suspect there is some interpretation along with a youthful optimism of everything being okay. That optimism essentially fuels the drive towards having the threesome and protects from worrying about every small detail of what can go wrong. Also, it creates a warm emotional bond with your “significant other” and it creates a feeling of closeness when entering the unknown territory of having a threesome.

Whilst having a youthful optimism about having a threesome creates closeness and protects against worrying, it has a dark-side. As human beings we want to see the good in everyone and everything around us. When we use blinders for seeing good, it is difficult to ask tough questions. Asking tough questions is important as a threesome quickly approaches instead of approaching a threesome as two teenagers experiencing puppy-love for the first time. Asking tough questions such as:

  • Is this the right decision for us
  • Is this the right decision for me
  • Is our choice for the third person the right choice?
  • Is there anything about them that makes me uncomfortable that needs to be discussed?
  • How am I going to cope with seeing my “significant other” (SO) having sex in front of me / How am I going to feel having sex with someone else in front of my SO?
  • Will I be supportive to my SO if it they have a bad experience and help them work through the issue?
  • How will I feel, if I lose my SO over this decision?

Up until the threesome happens there is an opportunity to say either, ‘no,’ or ‘this needs to happen slower.’ Once the clothes comes off, flesh is pressing against flesh, and intercourse occurs there is no way to reverse it. At that point, the only thing that can be done is perceiving the event as not being negative and working through the issues as they occur. Therefore the reality of having a threesome, it is easier to stop a bad decision than fixing it.

How do you know if you have found the third person?


IMG_8490_pencil sketchAfter Posting the Profiles and Respond to Replies, What is Next?

Introduction

Searching for a third person to join a threesome takes a lot of work. After posting profiles on various web sites and responding  the work can bring 50 – 100 replies in less than 72 hours. After sifting through all of them you identify 10 that seem like a possible match? So, how to you make the right decision?

Making the right decision is not based on an accepted standard but based on the needs of the couple. It is the couple’s expectation, boundaries, and the type of person they are seeking that will drive their selection. Selecting the third person is driven by their discussions about what they want and expect from a threesome. Even when the couple believes they have done everything possible to make the right decision sometimes the unexpected happens. This article is meant to present some ideas on how the decision process might operate but the ultimate decision lies with the couple.

Are you Being Realistic?

Probably the very first question that should be asked, are we being realistic? This means are the expectations and standards being used realistic? Examples include:

  • Meeting someone with celebrity looks and body instead of someone with normal features. Looking for someone with celebrity looks may mean a long-time searching to find the person that meets your expectations.
  • Expecting the third person to be a great communicator and highly sociable even though many of us are nervous about meeting new people. The first time talking with the individual maybe awkward and expecting an electrifying experience probably will not happen.
  • Expecting instant and electrifying ‘chemistry’ even though it may take some work or time before any ‘chemistry’ develops.
  • First-time will just be like the porn movies. Reality is very different from the movies. If for example you are pursuing a two male threesome then it is possible one of the males might suffer ‘performance anxiety’ or due to the stress of the situation be a fast ‘cummer.’ For the woman she many find climaxing or becoming lubricated to be difficult, if not impossible.
  • Believing the invited male will be well endowed and believing everything in their profile is 100% true. Size, in this author’s opinion, should not be the defining feature to choosing someone. In addition, profiles become outdated and they can be overstated.

Without having realistic expectations it means at a minimum the threesome most likely will be disappointing since expectations were too high and at its worse it will mean the threesome will not happen because no one is able to meet such high standards.

Take it at you own speed

Some people believe those who are slow to respond or will not meet after the first reply are not legitimate. Whilst, the point is understandable, it does not take into account the schedule of the couple, the time they have to devote to their search, and it does not take into account that the couple may just be starting out. The best way to approach this, I believe, is to be upfront in any reply, profile or ad about how fast things will happen. In my opinion one of the worst things that can happen is being forced into making a decision about a threesome or having a threesome with a specific individual before being ready. Therefore it is best to progress at a speed that is comfortable and not change it for fear of loosing a possible playmate.

Initial Contact and Sequential Contact

As stated above progress at a speed that is comfortable for you. For couples just starting out my recommendation is to have your first contact via email with a lot of questions. Below are a few suggestions for questions:

  • If using a threesome / dating site ask questions based on their profile
  • What is your experience with threesomes?
  • Have you had many threesomes?
  • If they had a threesome:
    1. what was an enjoyable about it?
    2. What was not enjoyable?
    3. How long did the threesome relationship last?
    4. Why did it end?
  • Are you currently dating anyone?
  • Are you in a relationship?
  • What are your expectations for a threesome?
  • What are your boundaries?
  • Have you ever had an STD? If so, what is it? Are you now clean?
  • What would you like to try / explore in this threesome?
  • Are you comfortable with a one-off situation?
  • Do you practice safe-sex?

The above questions are not an exhaustive list of questions you can ask a potential third person but a sample of possible questions. Then the replies can serve the basis for more questions.

Probably after a few cycles of reply there will be a sense if this is someone that you want to pursue. If you are interested in pursuing them then the next step should be a phone call. Ideally a pay-as-you-go, sometimes called no contract, mobile / cellular phone works great. They can be quite cheap under £50 (UK) / $50 US. Plus the phone is disposable thereby protecting your home number and personal cellular / mobile from being called.

Again, be realistic about the call. The call is not meant to be erotic and most likely at least one of you will be nervous. Instead, the call is meant to make some contact with the other person and begin to form a relationship that could be used for a future threesome. Before making the call the couple should agree the content and purpose of the call. Is it to make contact and decide after a few more calls to have a threesome. Alternatively is it to arrange a meeting to see if there is compatibility? When making the call it will be a good idea if both members of the couple are present since the invited person will, most likely want, to confirm they have been corresponding with a couple. Since it is not a face-to-face meeting and there is a good chance that at least one is nervous or wanting to impress, the call is not a good judge of compatibility.

At some point if there is enough interest, all three will meet. Meeting should not be equated with the notion that the threesome will definitely occur. Instead it should be seen as an opportunity to meet the other person in order to determine if there is enough compatibility for a threesome to occur.

Ideally for a couple who are new to threesomes they should consider if the first meeting is a meet and greet. A meet and greet is where all three meet in a public area but no sex occurs during that meeting. This means the purpose of the meeting is a no-pressure situation whereby compatibility and interest ascertained before sex occurs. Thereby giving the couple a chance to discuss the idea and make the decision regarding having a threesome.

What is compatibility?

Compatibility means there is enough interest and physical attraction by all three for a threesome to occur. At a very high-level it means enough is known about the other person in order to allow a threesome to occur and it also means it is not a relationship situation where a lot of time is needed for a decision for a threesome to be reached. Some things to consider when considering if the person is compatible:

  • Are you comfortable around them? Is your partner comfortable around them? If both of you are not comfortable around them then they are not compatible.
  • Can you see yourself / your partner having sex with them? If they elicit feelings such as anger, depression, or jealousy then they are not a good choice
  • Are their values in line with yours? If you feel they are not a part of your station / crowd in life then it might be a good idea to pass on them.
  • How do they act towards you and your partner? If they show an interest in one then a good chance they are not compatible?
  • Do you feel either your partner / spouse or you are carrying the conversation? Again probably not compatible?
  • When they talk where is their eye contact and who are they including? If they are not making eye contact or not working to include both of you in the conversation then there is a good change they are not compatible?
  • How relax do you and your partner feel around them? If both of you are relaxed and the conversation easily flows then a good chance they are compatible.

Conclusion

Finding the right person does not mean settling for the first person nor does it mean rejecting everyone because they do not meet a very high standard. Instead it means closely examining if they are compatible with you and examining your comfort level with them. Also it means taking a close look regarding your expectations for the planned threesome and trying to keep them as realistic as possible. By this it means the greater the chance the person that is chosen is the right person. Finally, in answer to the question, you know you have possibly found the right person when there is no pressure to meet and there are signs that they are compatible with the you.

Wife and Girlfriend reasons for participating in MFM or not wanting to participate


hot night out

Why do we participate in MFM threesomes or not?

Introduction

The above question is a rhetorical question such as, why is the Earth round or what is the meaning of life, that is meant to challenge us. This means there are many reasons why a wife may want to participate in a MFM or may choose not to participate. This article will explore a few of the possible reasons.

Reasons for Participating

Solidifying the relationship

As an author, I tend to believe most heterosexual women are not interested in having a threesome until they are in a secure long-term and stable relationship. This leads to the question how does a couple that is currently dating move their relationship so they are committed or how does a newly married couple transition their relationship to a stable long-term relationship? One answer is by having a threesome. It should be noted that I am not advocating having a threesome as the only way of changing a relationship to a more secure relationship. Instead I am stating this is a strategy that can be used.

If the wife / girlfriend suggests a two male threesome then it could be her way of showing, even though other males are interested in her that her commitment lies with her boyfriend / husband. By doing it shows her commitment to the relationship.

Exploration of boundaries

Couples that are in secure relationships, sometimes will elect to push their boundaries by exploring other options, such as threesome, to find their comfort zone and the degree of openness for their relationship.

Need to feel desired / wanted

Confirmation of attractiveness and desirability can be a strong motivating factor for wanting a threesome. By finding another man that is sexually attracted to another male’s girlfriend / wife, can be quite a powerful thing for a couple.

Curiosity / Something new

By having a threesome it allows the question, “what is it like being with someone else,” being safely and openly answered within the confines of the relationship. As a couple’s relationship matures they begin settling into a routine and sometimes things become predictable. As a result a question may surface, what would it feel like to be with someone else? This, at least from my experience, tends to be a question that comes up with couples where the woman was either a virgin at marriage or had very limited sexual experience before marriage.

In addition with threesomes attracting more positive media attention it means more couples will become curious about the idea and have a general curiosity about it. This mean exploring the idea will become an integral part of many couple’s relationships.

Bisexuality

The husband / boyfriend is bisexual and this was known early in the relationship. Threesome is a party of the relationship dynamic. In the alternative the wife / girlfriend has expressed an interest in seeing her husband / boyfriend with another man. For some women this can be a turn-on for them.

Reasons for not wanting a threesome

Risk to the relationship

At least from my experience, this appears to be a major reason due to the uncertainty that threesome brings. Much of the uncertainty lies around the STD risk, personal safety, and to a lesser extent the third person. This means a fear of the unknown and how it will impact the relationship is a major reason for saying no to the idea

Personal experience / beliefs

This runs the gamut from having a bad threesome experience prior to their current relationship to the idea of having a threesome going against their personal or religious beliefs. Unlike the above reason where time, creating security in the relationship, and dealing with the risk issues that might lead to a future yes, this most likely will mean the wife’s / girlfriend’s decision is immutable.

does not want partner there

This can run the gamut from relationship issues, body issues, or the idea of being watched while having sex with someone else is too much. It is important to understanding the underlying issue for this and see if it can be addressed. If both are wanting the threesome to happen and it is an issue that relates to being watched then a possible solution might be a couple’s cuckold.

Fear of emotional attachment / jealousy

Your wife / girlfriend may fear that the invited person may become emotionally attached. In the alternative they may feel either they will become attached or you might become attached. Thereby leading to a secondary issue of jealousy. While milder forms might be addressed by having clear boundaries, a safe-word to stop the threesome and agreement on contact. A more severe form may mean a threesome is not possible.

Conclusion

The above is just a sample of the reasons why your girlfriend / wife may or may not want to participate in a threesome and if you want to share your beliefs / experience then please feel free by adding a comment. Understanding a possible reasons is not sufficient and only by communicating with them will you fully understand their reason. Only by communicating can you fully understand the reason and decide what is the best solution for your situation.