What relationship characteristics can mean a successful threesome is possible?
If someone asks me, what needs to be present in a relationship in order to have a successful threesome? My response will be planning and having the needed characteristics. Anyone can plan a threesome but having the needed characteristics helps. Characteristics mean those intangible qualities the couple has that can help them in having a successful threesome. It goes without saying there are two parts to a couple, each individual and how each individual interacts with the other that allows them to function as a couple. For this discussion the focus will be on the latter.
Characteristic #1: Gregarious
It is my feeling the couple needs to have at least six characteristics and the first one being gregarious. This means the couple is extroverted or sociable. Without being gregarious a couple may find they miss certain cues, may find it is difficult to attract a third person and it may mean they find themselves in situations that they would prefer did not occur. Also they may find, with the third person that they hit resistance since they lack the social skills to more things forward and lack the awareness of certain cues being present. This may cause the couple to worry about if they are going to offend the third person and may cause them to be overly cautious in their approach. With that said, it does not mean a couple that is not extroverted cannot have a threesome but it does mean, without the necessary social skills building the necessary rapport with the third person is difficult thereby leading to frustration in their journey to have a threesome.
Characteristic #2: Effective Communicators
Next characteristic is effective communication. All of us claim to be good communicators but being good does not mean being effective. Effective communication means being able to communicate your needs, having those needs understood and then being able to have those needs met. This means being able to meet your needs without using threats, coercion, or manipulation. Instead it means talking about needs, negotiating to meet them and if a misunderstanding develops then talking through the issue in order to find a solution.
Normally this involves trusting the other individual and having mutual respect for each other. By having effective communication it means each individual in the relationship will have their needs met. However, without effective communication a threesome may leave some feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated due to the lack of communication.
Characteristic #3: Teamwork
Third characteristic is a couple who approaches having a threesome as a team endeavor. Simply put, it is a couple who shares the responsibility for planning the threesome and discusses it. They communicate with each other about their progress, support each other, and discuss issues as they occur. Essentially they supporting each other as they work towards their common goal of having a threesome.
Characteristic #4: Stable, Satisfying Relationship
Fourth characteristic is a couple free from any noticeable issues. The couple themselves may not be aware but if there is an underlying issue it can impact how they interact and how others perceive them. It is important the couple shares other interests and have a variety of ways they can connect emotionally. This will be something the third person will notice and can influence their decision to participate. If there are any issues they should be resolved before searching for a third person.
Characteristic #5: At Least 2 Years Together
Fifth characteristic is history together. Ideally, this author feels, a couple should have 2 – 5 years together before having a threesome. This allows enough time for the couple to work through a few issues, go through some “difficult times,” and develop their communication skills. Also, it allows them time to develop their identity as a couple and learn about each other, thereby lowering the chance that something will be misunderstood.
Characteristic #6: Separating sex from love
Final characteristic involves understanding sex can be a part of loving someone but at the same understanding that having sex does not equate to love. The latter is a challenge. Since the social message for a woman if she has sex for pleasure and has sex with someone who is not her husband then she is ‘slutty.’ Also, having sex for pleasure, bring up feelings of guilt because experiencing sex for pleasure goes against our earliest teaching and learning it is okay to have sex without having an emotional attachment is okay. Finally the challenge for a couple that is successful at having a threesome is being able to practice having sex with someone else does not mean relationship abandonment. This is probably the biggest hurdle and a hurdle that causes a lot of problems for couples. It can bring up feelings of anger, jealousy, and abandonment. In many cases these feelings are based on personal insecurity and not what is really happening in the threesome journey.
It is relatively easy to understand sex does not necessarily equals love but it is another to apply that concept while watching your partner enjoying themselves sexually with someone else. Being able to communicate, being social, having time to be a couple, and working together as a couple are essential, this author believes, for a couple to have a threesome. Without having these characteristics having a threesome maybe difficult and may pose some challenges for them. Taking the time to develop them may help the couple have a rewarding and enjoyable threesome.
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