Swinging and Mental Health


Italiano: PTO / Disturbi mentali: Elenco di fr...Positive Aspects of Swinging on relationships

I found this article on Psychology Today’s web site, I thought would share it.

When I first saw the title, I thought to myself this would be another article bashing the swinging lifestyle and portraying those who swing as some type of mental deviant or sexual predator. Oddly to my surprise, this article supports the lifestyle by stating those who swing have less fears, is less jealous and it appears to take a shot at the monogamous lifestyle by painting it as choice that can promote cheating.

While I am glad to read this, the two things this article misses. First research done by other to authors support it points  Instead it is based on observational research that is very difficult to verify. Second the article talks about swinging and monogamy; however it does not define the term. Thereby leaving to reader to question how is each term defined. Is someone who has had a few ‘experiences’ considered by the author to be monogamous or a swinger? This means the article is more of an opinion rather than an article based on empirical research evidence Nonetheless, it is a good article that makes you think.

The problem with threesomes


Author makes a good point about finding a threesome and I believe it is worth taking the time to read.

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have.

The problem with threesomes.

via The problem with threesomes.

Threesome myths


Fendi06

Introduction

During ratings sweep it is possible to see a tantalizing article about couples who take part in threesomes and it is fairly easy to find a talk show, covering the topic in some form.  From watching the news, news programs and talk shows it is easy to form an opinion of having a threesome. However do we ask, is this an accurate portrayal or is a perspective being given to get ratings? This author will take a look at some of the perceptions of threesomes and will try to expose some of the myths around them.

Since the couple does not have an open relationship there is no risk to the relationship

Porn movies are notorious for portraying a threesome as a way to have sex without the consequences and no opening up the relationship probably carries less risk. Nonetheless, the reality is any decision, including the decision to have a threesome, carries consequences and having a threesome can impact a couple’s relationship.  The fact that the relationship is no open does not mean residual feelings from having the threesome or by having a threesome it brings up underlying issues. Since there is no guarantee a threesome will work, the best advice is to talk through having a threesome and continue to talk about it to address any feelings that may linger afterwards.

Every man wants fmf threesome

Every man does not want a two woman threesome. A man is person who has feelings, beliefs and experiences. This means not every man wants a fmf threesome because it goes against their beliefs or from their experiences they feel a threesome is not in their best interest.  Those who do have a threesome, most, will have a two male threesome. This is not because they are bisexual or gay; instead it is because a single man is more likely to take part in a threesome than a single woman.

Best choice for a threesome is a friend, a co-worker, or an ex lover

While a friend, a co-worker, or an ex lover may work as a choice for a threesome in some limited circumstances. The reality is each one provides their own issues and risks that make choosing them a risky choice. It is this author’s feeling anyone considering a threesome, especially if discretion and privacy is a concern, to look for someone they do not know well.

Having a threesome will add ‘spice’ to the relationship and fix relationship problems such as, stopping my partner / spouse from cheating

Threesomes cannot fix relationship or add spice to a relationship that has become stagnant.  This author feels a threesome can bring issues forward issues that exist in the relationship and weaken a relationship that is struggling. Therefore, this author feels, the best approach is to solve the underling issues and work at developing the relationship before considering a threesome.  Essentially this means a threesome should not be considered as a solution to a relationship issue but as a way to potentially grow the relationship.

During foreplay or during ‘pillow talk’ my partner / spouse express a wish to have a threesome

If you partner / spouse express an interest in having a threesome during foreplay or ‘pillow talk’ then it is a good idea to speak to them outside of the bedroom to clarify their feelings. Just because during arousal or in the afterglow they express these feelings, it does not mean the interest continues. Without talking about the idea during the day it is difficult to know their true feelings and acting on such a statement without understanding their feelings may result in problems for the relationship later.

I am not the jealous type and I do not see having a threesome as being a problem

Until a threesome occurs it is impossible to know your reaction. Having a threesome can elicit a roller-coaster of emotions and even though who do not believe they are jealous may feel jealous once they see their partner / spouse having sex with someone else.

I am the jealous type and should not have a threesome

In most cases being jealous will make having a threesome difficult but it does not mean it will be impossible. If it is possible to talk through the feelings before hand, set a signal to let your partner / spouse know you are becoming uncomfortable or if you can view having a threesome being about physical pleasure instead of emotional bonding then it is possible that having a threesome is not out of reach.  However, if jealousy leads to anger, violent reactions, or conflict then it is advisable to work on the issue of jealousy before having a threesome.

Boundaries are not needed since I want my partner / spouse to experience everything

A couple cannot expect every possible scenario for a threesome and their possible reaction. Having boundaries define the limits of a threesome and give a safety-net for the threesome. It allows each participant to understand what behavior is acceptable and the personal limits each person has.  Even though boundaries will not prevent every possible issue from surfacing; it helps the couple to mitigate any potential conflict, build trust, and be pro-active in preventing possible conflict.

Having a threesome is cheating

In this author’s opinion, having a threesome is not cheating provided the boundaries are not intentionally or recklessly violated. This means as long as the couple is agreement and they adhere to their boundaries, then this author feels no cheating has occurred.

I do not want to have a threesome but my partner / spouse does,  I should agree to have a threesome in order to make them happy.

Having a threesome can bring up powerful feelings and can involve a complex web of emotions. Deciding to have threesome to make someone happy may seem like a caring act in order to strengthen a relationship. However must be asked, what about your feelings? If you find you are opposed to a threesome then it is possible it may bring up other feelings (e.g. feeling of losing self in the relationship, your needs not getting met, etc.) these feelings may have an adverse impact on your perception of the threesome and adversely impact your relationship. Therefore it is important to balance your needs against the need to have a threesome for your partner.

If my partner is agreeable then a threesome should happen fairly quickly

Planning and finding someone that is compatible can take time, especially if it is a fmf. The first step in having a threesome is discussing the idea; however, it can take weeks, months, year, or it may never happen. A part of the length is based on the type of threesome being planned, the issues that need resolving, and finding someone who is compatible.

FAQs Finding a third person


English: Search of Space

What are some of the common places to find a third person for a threesome?

There are several websites dedicated to this, along with swingers clubs, dogging locations, and lifestyle events such as munches. Sometimes finding a couple that is interested in sharing or where one of them is interested in a voyeur role is another possibility.

What are some uncommon places to find a third person?

Finding a third person for a threesome takes patience and being able to think ‘outside of the box.’ The more you search and the more receptive you are to other possibilities the greater the chance, this author believes, you have in finding someone.  This could mean if, for example, you start a conversation with someone in the check-out line they could potentially be your third person. The point is, if you have good communication skills, confident, and extroverted then it is possible any situation could lead in finding your third.

Are co-workers, ex lovers, and friends good choices for threesomes?

This author feels, in most situations, they are not good choices.

Is using an escort or a prostitute a good idea for a threesome, especially fmf?

In most places in the world prostitution is illegal, including Las Vegas. Furthermore, even in the few places where prostitution is legal, the risk of STDs / STIs still remains high; not to mention the risk of arrest where it is illegal and the potential risk to your job.

Should we find someone in our town or out of town?

This depends on your level of comfort, the size of your town, and the distance between towns. In this author opinion, if being discreet is essential and you live in a relatively small town then you are probably better off finding someone out of town. Likewise if your job would be at risk if it is discovered you are having a threesome then the more you can do to protect your privacy then the better. Nonetheless the distance to drive to meet someone becomes a factor and driving great distance may not be worth the investment. Simply put there is no easy answer here and it depends on the needs of the couple.

Is it better to have a threesome while on holiday / vacation?

Being on holiday / vacation does allow for easing of personal space and allows for openness that does not always occur in our day to day lives. Also, it can allow for an opportunity to protect your privacy, to a greater extent. Lastly being on holiday / vacation can create a situation where a threesome is more likely to occur. However, you do not need to wait until you are on holiday / vacation to search for a threesome and can have one anytime.

If we are having a full threesome or a soft-swinging experience then should we should choose someone that it similar to us?

Not necessarily, a short-term threesome usually involves focusing on the physical enjoyment of the experience and preventing the formation of an emotional bond with the third person. By selecting someone who is similar, increases the chance that one of you will become emotionally involved with them and adversely impact your relationship. Instead, this author feels, the focus should be on finding someone that you physically attracted to but there is enough of a difference that prevents an emotional bond from being formed. In this author’s opinion this analogous to a ‘friend with benefits’ situation.

How long should we communicate with the third person before having the threesome?

This depends, for example, on the frequency of communication, the distance to be traveled for the meeting, and the type of threesome being planned. If a full-threesome or a soft-swinging encounter is being planned then this author feels the amount of communication should be enough to judge the safety of the situation, if the person meets your needs, and agreement on boundaries. However, if this is a situation where it might ongoing, a cuckold, or a menage da trios then the communication should enough where a relationship can form.

Sloppy Seconds for Breakfast


 

Fantasy Faire ... Unicornuus

 

Standing up grabbing our white floral print sheet off the bed Yvonne wraps it around her body, and as she wraps it around her body; the morning light coming through the window makes her look like an angel. Yvonne is 32 years old, standing5’ 7”, with flawless silky smooth ashy white skin, mid shoulder length brunette hair, 34 B breasts and has a sultry voice. Turning away from our bed, she walks out of the room and getting to the door she looks back saying in her soft playful voice with big smile lighting up her face, “I am going to finish what we started last night.” As she leaves the room, the feel of the cool morning spring air coming through the open window it feels cold against my exposed skin. The shock of the cold air gently flowing over my skin brings me out of my stupor but it not enough to damper my excitement of what is about to happen.

 

In order for you to understand, why I am still lying in bed, I need to start from the beginning. Last night begins like any date night for us, involving going out for the evening to a movie then out for supper and depending on the time maybe out for drink before going home. Like many other couples, we use date night as a chance to reconnect and have the opportunity to put issues of daily life behind us. Date night for us is our chance to unwind and to put the week behind us allowing us to be a couple for a night. However, the last few weeks have been hectic for us and did not have as much time as we wanted for date night. This week our agreement was to meet at the movie theatre early in order to maximize our time out.

 

It was not until I was outside of the theatre with Yvonne outside of the theatre that I notice Yvonne wearing her short pleaded black skirt, her sheer silky white blouse, black tights, and her black heels. She looked stunning and preparation for tonight left me wondering if something was up. Looking at I her being contemplating if I should make a comment like, “You looking you as though you are wanting some tonight.”

 

From previous experience, I know if my timing is off on a comment and it is taken the wrong way then it would upset the rest of the evening. Instead, I decide to see how the evening transpire and keep quiet, for now.

 

After supper we took another cab to go out for drinks and on our way to the bar, Yvonne turn to me saying, “I noticed you were a bit shock at what I am wearing tonight. I chose this because I want to blow your mind tonight and wanted your imagination to run wild.” Yvonne is right her look really blew my mind and it not long before it begin racing with all of the possibilities. However, it is not long before I extinguish the thought of what is possible tonight because from previous experience Yvonne likes to be a bit of tease by pushing the limit of making me think something is going to happen when it will not happen. Nonetheless, one idea remain with me, Yvonne wants to fulfil the fantasy of me watching while she fucks another guy.

 

There have been a few opportunities in the past to make this fantasy real but Yvonne always gets “cold-feet” after taking a few steps towards going through with it. Nonetheless, since she is in a playful mood, I decide to somewhat push the boundary with her in order to gage where the boundary for tonight exist by saying, “Who knows, you might get lucky tonight.” After saying that, I could see Yvonne’s eyes get wide like a kid on their birthday waiting to open up their presents.

 

Usually after saying something like that to Yvonne, she usually respond with something that let me know that she is just teasing and bring me back to reality, such as “You are the only one I want to fuck tonight,” or “I want to be faithful and would not do that.”

 

This time she did not respond with her typical reply and instead this time she coyly said, “Be careful for what you wishful because it might come true,” after hearing that I know tonight is going to be different.

 

Getting out the cab, we enter the bar. Other than having a relaxing atmosphere and being a place that we frequent for the last five years there is nothing that makes it special. Walking in the music is playing loudly in the background, the lighting is dark, and the tables are several feet from the bar. The number of patrons for a Friday night is not as full as it usually is. As we begin to walk into together Yvonne turns to me saying, “Are you in the mood for some fun?” Yvonne’s face shows both excitement and playfulness.

 

Not sure how to respond I stop and cautiously ask, “What do you mean?”

 

Grabbing my wrist and looking into my eyes she says, “I was thinking maybe we could try to fulfil our fantasy, are you up for it?”

 

I had a 99.9% feeling I know what she meant but if it is what I think she meant then I need to be 100% sure, cautiously I ask again, “What do you mean?”

 

Lacking confidence in her reply she says, “I was thinking, maybe I could go to the bar alone and you could watch from the distance.”

 

Grabbing my curiosity with that statement, I ask her to continue. “Once at the bar I could let a guy buy me a drink, flirt with him and you can watch. Then if he is interested you could introduce yourself and invite us to the table.”

 

Not needing much time to think I agreed by telling her, “I will let you go in first so it appears you are alone.” It was about five minutes later that I enter and sitting at a table where I had a clear view of Yvonne.

 

The table was actually a booth onside with two chairs opposite the booth, which was a good 40’ – 50’ from the bar with an unobstructed view. However, I was not certain if Yvonne could see me and decided not to call attention to myself by staring too much. Since it was not as full, as it normally is on Friday, Yvonne was not attracting the attention that she could attract and beginning to wonder if we left without another male, would she be willing to try again?

 

Looking at the time, I figure I will give her another 10 minutes before saying it is not going to happen, tonight. As I was just about to give up Brad sits next to Yvonne. Brad, I would have to say is about 15 years Yvonne’s senior. He is about 6’2 with primarily gray hair but does show some strands of black hair. His face is beginning to show some age with a few noticeable wrinkles around his eyes and forehead. Build wise he does have some definite muscle definition but is definitely not muscular. Oddly, I never took Yvonne to have an interest in older men as she tends to prefer people closer to her age. Nonetheless, observing them from a distance it is obvious that Brad is taking an immediate interest in Yvonne and Yvonne is reciprocating the interest. Not wanting to ruin anything that might be developing I decide it was best to see where things were going.

 

While waiting to see if the interest continue, I begin contemplating my next step, which either involves playing dumb whereby apologizing to Yvonne for running late forcing her to introduce me or being straightforward inviting Brad to the table. In order to get an idea of what direction I should take, I glance in their direction and observe their interaction. Yvonne has her body turned towards Brad with her chest out, and likewise Brad is facing her with his hand lightly resting on her inner thigh. Usually Yvonne does not let people get that close to her and if anyone invades her personal space, she will pull back from them. Seeing this, I know there is an interest in Brad and know my decision will dictate if things progress. Looking away from them in order not to attract attention, I contemplate what to do. At first, my intuition is leaning towards the former idea but hesitant about it. After thinking about it the difficulties that playing stupid will bring, I opt for the latter since Brad might already see me sitting here watching them from a distance. Moreover, if I opt for the former idea it could mean I turn-off Brad to the idea destroying everything up to this point. Time finally came to go over there, standing up from the table I could feel my legs trembling, my heart racing, and my palms become sweaty from anticipating what may happen next. The walk over to them feels like a 15 minutes walk but the reality is it the walk only took a few seconds. At first neither Yvonne nor Brad notice me standing next to them. Yvonne must have caught a glimpse of me by saying, “Sorry I did not notice you standing there.”

 

“Not a problem… I see you are talking to someone?“ I said while looking at Brad.         “This is my husband, George.”

 

At first, he looks shocked and embarrassed until I say, “not to worry… I have been observing both of you from a distance, would you like to join Yvonne and myself at a table and we can talk some more?”

 

For a minute, Brad pulls back and sits straight indicating to me that he is a bit hesitant. Figuring out that he might be hesitant, I state to Brad, “join us for a drink and if after the drink you want to leave then feel free to leave.” This seems to put Brad at ease and we walk over to the table.

 

Once we arrive at the table Brad and Yvonne sit in the booth with me sitting opposite of them. Going through the typical social pleasantries, Brad’s interest in Yvonne begins increasing. Yvonne is now sitting with her legs apart and Brad’s hand is resting on her inner thigh. This time his hand is underneath her skirt on the outside of her pussy lips and Yvonne’s face appearing flushed from where his hand is resting. A few moments later, Yvonne says she is going to the bathroom and as she does, she lightly touches my hand, looks at me, and smiles. Her silent gesture tells me she wants Brad and I figure it is time to move things forward. After she leaves and I am confident Yvonne is gone, I say to Brad, “Yvonne is quite interested in you and how would you like to come home with us?”

 

Never having done this before I was not sure if Brad will oblige me or if this will ignite a furious reaction, the reaction he gave was not what I was expecting. He takes a few moments before responding with a quiet nervous, “yes.” After hearing yes from Brad it took pressure off of me and I began feeling quite excited for what is about to happen.

 

About a minute after Brad saying yes Yvonne returns and I say, “Hun, I invited Brad to join us for a nightcap at our place, hope you do not mind?”

 

Her eyes became quite large and her face showing excitement as she said, “Silly, why would I mind? It will be fun having Brad over tonight,” with that statement, we leave.

 

Cab arrives, both Brad and Yvonne sit in the back seat, and I decide I will sit in the front seat to see if anything interesting will happen. The cab pulls out of the parking lot and about five minutes from the house, while glancing in the driver’s mirror, I see Brad putting his arm around Yvonne and with that hand, he is caressing Yvonne’s breast. His other hand is under her skirt fingering her pussy and Yvonne was kissing his neck. As we were turning on the street to our house, I said to “Ok kids we are almost home, “and as I said that the cab pulls up to our house. I pay the driver and I began fumbling for the keys to let us inside of the house.

 

Once we were all inside, I close the door, and Yvonne say, “I am going upstairs to change and hun’ why don’t pour us each a cup of wine.”

 

After that, I direct Brad to the living room and tell him, “Make yourself comfortable, I will only be a moment.”

 

After pouring the wine for Brad and I, I enter the living room seeing Brad sitting on the couch and I sit on the chair opposite of Brad. Brad and I start talking about what Yvonne likes in bed. I explain to him that, “Yvonne likes a lot of attention and enjoys foreplay especially being eaten out. If you rush, she will not enjoy it but if you take time to please her, Yvonne’s pussy when she cums will actually grab your cock, which could give you an incredible orgasm,” I explained.

 

“Even if you did not get her that far, she was relatively easy to please,” I said.

 

He then ask if I minded if he fucked her first and I said, “I believe that is what she is expecting.” This talk seems to help Bread relax and I could hear Yvonne moving about upstairs. Hearing her moving about upstairs, I know she was ready for us and I told Brad, “To put down you wine glass and follow me upstairs.”

 

When we got to the top of the stairs, I open the door slowly and says to her, “I hope that you are ready,” and entering the room I can only see the outline of her naked body since she had the room lit with three large cylindrical shaped vanilla scented candles.

 

The smell of the candles was a light mixture of vanilla combined with the smell of heated wax. She motions to Brad to join on the bed and she then puts her hand up in a stop motion, signalling for me to wait. Yvonne says, “Not yet, I want you to watch and enjoy.” Saying that I know she was making a fantasy of ours come true and I became immediately hard.

 

Watching, I could see Yvonne lying on her back with her legs spread in anticipation of what is to come and Brad placing his left knee in between Yvonne’s legs and his right knee outside of Yvonne’s. For the most part Brad was kneeling in front of Yvonne but was leaning a bit forward so that she could undress him. Once she got to his pants he stands up facing her, she rolls on her side to undo his pants and slides his pants with his underwear to the floor. Once they fell to the floor, the silhouette of Brad’s six inches uncut cock is noticeable and once his cock was, exposed Yvonne began sucking it. Yvonne sucking his cock and caressing his balls lasted only a few moments before Brad climbs back on to the bed. Once Brad is on the bed, he begins kissing her neck as he worked his way down to her breasts. Brad starts sucking one of her nipples while caressing the other and rolling the other nipple around in his finger. Then, he begins slowly moving down her and as he did Yvonne quivers with pleasure and begins quietly moaning. Once he is near her pussy, he pauses and he first begin to stroke her inner thigh. As he did this, she began quivering a bit more and moaning a bit louder. Before fingering her pussy and rubbing her engulfed clit, he teases the outside of her pussy.  He does this for a while bring her to brink and then pulling her from it. Then he begins to use his tongue to stimulate her clit as he continues to finger her. As he does this, it is apparent he is enjoying her wetness, enjoying her scent, and enjoying the slight sweet taste it can have. By this time, Yvonne is beginning to have small orgasms and beginning to yell, “This is fucking great, don’t stop. Fuck me now…” Seeing her enjoy this made me even harder, I thought about joining them but there is something erotic about watching this.

 

As Yvonne’s body is quivering from the enjoyment and my heightening arousal, I decide to walk over joining them. I stand at Yvonne’s side where she grabs my hard cock and she begins stroking it as Brad begins eating her out. Yvonne began yelling out, “this is fucking incredible, both of you continue with what you are doing.” I could see that Brad had some pre-cum on his cock by now and can tell from Yvonne’s body posture that she was ready for a good fucking. When Yvonne is ready for a good fucking it means she is very aroused and as she gets closer to cumming her pussy grasps the  hard cock like choking a snake before she cums for about 30 seconds. Since Brad never had that experience, I motion to him it is time for him to enter her otherwise she will cum and he will miss the experience. As he begins to slide into her in a missionary position with him on top, I take a step back to watch. Sliding into her, I hear a wet sloshing like sound, which is usually made when Yvonne is wet when I enter her as we are about to have sex.

 

Yvonne begins yelling, “fuck me… I want you to fuck me hard and don’t stop even when I cum.” By Yvonne saying that, Brad begins lays on top of her hugging her and as he hugs her, he pulls close to him. The pulling lifts her up slightly on the bed and he is thrusting slightly upwards.

 

As he thrusts he beings feverishly fucking her telling her, “you are an incredible fuck, move faster!”

 

After about three hard thrusts form him Yvonne yells out, “fucking yes…,” and a few moments later she slightly arches her back indicating to me she is cumming hard. Brad continues a few more thrusts before he cums too. He lies on top of Yvonne for a few minutes until he goes soft and slides out of her. Finally, he rolls off her lying next to her on her left side.

 

I approach Yvonne on her right side, I can see that her pussy is red from being fucked, it is wide still twitching, and cum is leaking out of her. The smell of cum, which I equate with smelling like ageing fish, and the smell of sweat, permeates the room. Finally, I stand by bed with Yvonne rolling towards me grabbing my cock and it does not take much before I cum over her chest. Feeling a great release, I join Brad and Yvonne on the bed lying on Yvonne’s right side. We lie there for about an hour caressing and kissing Yvonne. Yvonne returns the attention to the both of us.

 

Brad asks if he can stay the night and Yvonne gets up to take him to the guest bedroom next to the bedroom. Yvonne does not immediately return and I can hear some talking. Once she has Brad settled in the bedroom Yvonne comes into the room to ask me, “Would you mind if I fucked Brad in the morning alone? I mean, you would be here in the house but not in the room. I really would like to have his cock one more time.”

 

I replied by saying, “Things so far have worked out great and if that is something you want to do I have no problem with it.” The thought of her fucking Brad alone in the morning makes me hard and again this time she climbs on top of me. Once she is on top we went at like it was out first time and as she moved the bed creaked. After we both came again, she climbs down and we fall asleep.

 

This brings me to the present, laying here naked with no blankets and why I am waiting for Yvonne to return, my reason, I can hear the two of them fucking in the bedroom next to us with Yvonne loudly moaning and once Yvonne is done it will be my turn to have my fun.  I do not know how long she will be but cannot wait until she comes back. What happens after she returns is a story for another day.