Tag Archives: finding

Finding threesomes in the vanilla world

Posted in Fantasy versus Realtiy of Having a Threesome, Terminology, Threesome opinions by

Longitudinal view of a vanilla flower, showing...Finding the Third Person amongst Friends & Co-workers

Introduction

This topic is a topic that was suggest to me from one of the fans of this site. Vanilla for those who are not familiar with the term means those who do not have group sex experience because they have never had one or choose not to have the experience. Looking for the third person in the vanilla world poses both challenges and questions.

The challenge is finding someone that is interested approximately 14% is interested in having a threesome. This means 86 out of every 100 adults is not interested in having a threesome. Spending valuable time searching in the vanilla world means spending a lot of time of finding someone who has not expressed an interest in having threesome, finding them, and then trying to convince them to consider the idea. Instead of using valuable time speaking to people who have already expressed an interest.

Also this raises questions such as, is ethical to approach someone who has not expressed an interest in having a threesome and trying to convert them? What type of impact will it have on them? Their life? If married, what impact will it have their relationship and family? Where does the responsibility lie for the person trying to convert a vanilla? All of these questions need to be considered when looking for someone in vanilla world.

My view

As someone who has a had threesome experiences my belief unless the person in the vanilla world approaches about having a threesome then it is best to leave alone. Why? Based on my experience, there is enough people out there who express an interest in activity without having to look for someone who have never expressed an interest, a vanilla person. In addition I believe finding someone who has not previously expressed an interest carries its own unique set of risks. The primary risks includes lack of enjoyable experience, which can be due to several reason such as: vanilla person not being compatible, the vanilla person having feeling negative towards the idea, and their lack of experience coupled with their previous lack of interest. This brings up questions, such as:

  • Is it right, morally or ethically, to try to get them interested?
  • What is my person responsibility to them if they do not like the experience?
  • Why them instead of looking for someone who has already expressed an interest?

With the internet having thousands of sites dedicated to threesomes, dating, and group sex sites finding a third online is fairly straightforward. Plus internet provides the opportunity for on-premise and off premise events to advertise online so finding someone that is interested is fairly easy.

Finding someone is easy but the challenge is finding someone that is compatible. If the couple is interested in a two male threesome then provided they do not live a rural mid-west town then finding a compatible person may take a little time; however, if they are committed in finding a third person then it should not take too long. Issues finding the third person, I believe, comes down to one of three reason location, lack of commitment in finding the third person or too restrictive standards.

Finding the third person in the vanilla world

Generally speaking there are two groups of people who fall into this category friends and co-workers. Co-workers carry a lot of risk especially when approaching a vanilla co-worker for a threesome and it could, for some people, be a career ending decision. It is therefore best avoiding approaching a co-worker.

Approaching a vanilla friend for a threesome is a lot like approaching your significant other for a threesome, it will forever change the relationship and it should not be done lightly, especially if the friend is a close friend. Friends, unlike a significant other, may end the friendship at the suggestion or may end the friendship after the threesome. It is important to weigh the risks, including if the friend is someone you are wiling to lose because of the threesome.

Colloquy approach is the best approach when approaching a vanilla friend for a threesome

My wife and I have been approached by friends for threesomes and we have approached a friend for a threesome. In each of the situation being direct was used. Being direct means, a colloquy discussion where being honest about what was being sought without the use of euphemisms and without the use of colloquialisms. It is a discussion that involves everyone and it is not a side-discussion amongst friends. The conversation involves talking about what is being sought, boundaries, and the length they are wanting (e.g. one-off, occasional, long-term).

The Threesome and afterwards

The threesomes we had with friends made the process a lot faster due our familiarity with each other. However it was a bit awkward since we were shifting from being friends to something different. It did not create any animosity between us; however over time we saw the friendship our friendships drift apart until they finally ended.

Conclusion

Looking for a vanilla playmate does not always work out and it carries its own challenges. If a couple due to location opts for a vanilla playmate then the best option is to look for a friend that they are willing to risk their friendship. When approaching a friend it is important all three are present to have an honest discussion about what is being sought. Once the threesome occurs it is likely the friendship will drift and ultimately end. It is therefore better to use the tools available to find an interested third than finding a vanilla playmate.

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Single woman seeking a threesome: risks and benefits

Posted in Threesome opinions by

IMG_8628 updatedIntroduction

Due to family, work, and other commitments, I have been slow in responding to a request. The reader’s inquiry is about a single woman who are interested in having a threesome. To begin with finding a single woman interested in a threesome is not easy due to, from my experience, a woman is interested in the idea after being in a stable, secure, and loving relationship. Even if you can find a woman interested in having a threesome, I believe, the ratio is about 100 men interested in a threesome for every one woman that is interested.

Selection

For some it may sound that a single bisexual woman might be ideal and in my opinion, this is probably rarely the case since  a bisexual woman having a threesome with a heterosexual couple is not interrelated. In my opinion, a woman interested in a threesome would probably be either a single professional woman who does not have the time for a relationship or a woman in some variation of an open relationship.

Where to look

I normally do not advocate asking friends, co-workers, business associates, or acquaintances due to the risk involved. There are some good free resources in the UK that provide limited access for those living in the UK and to a lesser extent Europe. The US has probably two good free sites for threesomes. This raises the question about searching online ad sites and newspapers. In my opinion, I would be cautious about using ad sites that charge. If you join a site that charges take advantage of any free trials that they offer before committing. Joining a site a financially possible but if you join several sites then the cost can become prohibitive very quickly. My advice is to read through the Terms of Service, understand how you will be charged, and ensure there is enough profiles for your area.

This raises the question of fake profiles and how to know if it is fake. The best approach is to be cavalier in your approach, which means do not pin your hopes to one profile waiting for a reply or not contact others because you feel a commitment to someone. Also it means keep your perspective and do not get sidetracked. Remember the site you are on is finding a woman for a threesome, which means you are not there to make friends or to support causes. Instead contact many, reply to all inquiries, and do not allow yourself to become attached.

A third place you can try is a swinger’s club but be forewarn at least half of the couples there are at the club for the same reason as you. If a single woman does show up then you will be competing with them for her. Finally a fourth place to try is some for of social. These tend to be off-premise, no sex occurring, events and tend to be an event where like minded people meet. This can get you some insight of who might be interested in a threesome and where are the best places to look in your area.

Meeting and Threesome

All of us unique and it is not possible to have a generic approach. Nonetheless it is important to remember, if you do have a meeting with a woman for a threesome there is probably a 1,000 couples she could have agreed to meet. In many ways it is different than having a threesome with a male and if not handled correctly it can lead to her becoming a third wheel in your relationship.  Also it means you will have to keep her interest and go at her pace.

At some point the topic of sex will come up. This means at least two separate conversations must occur. First conversation must occur between the couple discussing their boundaries including the limits of involvement with the other woman and how the attention is to be apportioned. Second conversation, that occurs after the first, regards how the threesome will operate and the requirements of the invited woman.

Up to this point all three have been interacting socially in a non-sexual way. As the threesome approaches it is likely feelings will be brought up and insecurities. There is one school of thought on this that states the invited woman should be more submissive than the woman in the relationship. I do not believe this is always necessary but I do believe communication along with trust must exist for the threesome to work.

Conclusion

Web sites, swingers clubs, and socials all offer opportunities to meet potential partners. However, it is important to think about safety and not get too attached since the search is about finding a compatible partner. As you search the reality becomes searching for a woman that is interested in a threesome is not easy and it can take a long time of searching and during this time it is important to have a clear understanding with your partner about the limits of the encounter. Once you find a potential partner  approaching the threesome is not like having a threesome with two males. Instead it is a more egalitarian situation with her having power due to the limited supply of single women interested in having a threesome and the potential risk of her become attached, if it is not handled correctly. With patience, communication, and a clear expectation of boundaries having a two woman threesome can be quite enjoyable.

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FAQs Finding a third person

Posted in FAQ, Miscellaneous, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

English: Search of Space

What are some of the common places to find a third person for a threesome?

There are several websites dedicated to this, along with swingers clubs, dogging locations, and lifestyle events such as munches. Sometimes finding a couple that is interested in sharing or where one of them is interested in a voyeur role is another possibility.

What are some uncommon places to find a third person?

Finding a third person for a threesome takes patience and being able to think ‘outside of the box.’ The more you search and the more receptive you are to other possibilities the greater the chance, this author believes, you have in finding someone.  This could mean if, for example, you start a conversation with someone in the check-out line they could potentially be your third person. The point is, if you have good communication skills, confident, and extroverted then it is possible any situation could lead in finding your third.

Are co-workers, ex lovers, and friends good choices for threesomes?

This author feels, in most situations, they are not good choices.

Is using an escort or a prostitute a good idea for a threesome, especially fmf?

In most places in the world prostitution is illegal, including Las Vegas. Furthermore, even in the few places where prostitution is legal, the risk of STDs / STIs still remains high; not to mention the risk of arrest where it is illegal and the potential risk to your job.

Should we find someone in our town or out of town?

This depends on your level of comfort, the size of your town, and the distance between towns. In this author opinion, if being discreet is essential and you live in a relatively small town then you are probably better off finding someone out of town. Likewise if your job would be at risk if it is discovered you are having a threesome then the more you can do to protect your privacy then the better. Nonetheless the distance to drive to meet someone becomes a factor and driving great distance may not be worth the investment. Simply put there is no easy answer here and it depends on the needs of the couple.

Is it better to have a threesome while on holiday / vacation?

Being on holiday / vacation does allow for easing of personal space and allows for openness that does not always occur in our day to day lives. Also, it can allow for an opportunity to protect your privacy, to a greater extent. Lastly being on holiday / vacation can create a situation where a threesome is more likely to occur. However, you do not need to wait until you are on holiday / vacation to search for a threesome and can have one anytime.

If we are having a full threesome or a soft-swinging experience then should we should choose someone that it similar to us?

Not necessarily, a short-term threesome usually involves focusing on the physical enjoyment of the experience and preventing the formation of an emotional bond with the third person. By selecting someone who is similar, increases the chance that one of you will become emotionally involved with them and adversely impact your relationship. Instead, this author feels, the focus should be on finding someone that you physically attracted to but there is enough of a difference that prevents an emotional bond from being formed. In this author’s opinion this analogous to a ‘friend with benefits’ situation.

How long should we communicate with the third person before having the threesome?

This depends, for example, on the frequency of communication, the distance to be traveled for the meeting, and the type of threesome being planned. If a full-threesome or a soft-swinging encounter is being planned then this author feels the amount of communication should be enough to judge the safety of the situation, if the person meets your needs, and agreement on boundaries. However, if this is a situation where it might ongoing, a cuckold, or a menage da trios then the communication should enough where a relationship can form.

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