Overcoming resistance to the idea of a threesome

It is easy to search on the Internet the topic overcoming resistance to a threesome and find thousands of articles on the topic. Some will claim to have the secret formula while others will present other solutions such submissive training. In this author’s opinion none of them work and this author believes there is another approach. This approach involves using time to your advantage, building the relationship, and communication.

Before preceding this author does not claim it will lead to success but feels it can work in lowering the resistance to the idea thereby making the chance a threesome will occur more likely. The first aspect is time and this author feels it is analogous to a journey. In a journey the path is not always clear, sometimes detours need to be made and sometimes taking a rest is needed. Time can work wonders if the individual is allowed to think about having a threesome, process the information and has the opportunity to ask questions even though their reaction may have been quite negative. For time to work the individual must be allowed to think about it for a period of months or years before the subject is brought up again. Pushing the idea can create further resistance thereby lowering the chance a threesome will occur and build resentment to the idea. If time is used correctly, by allowing the discussion to occur over months or years, then it should help in lowering the resistance to the idea.

Next aspect is building the relationship and this can occur while the individual thinks about the idea. Building the relationship goes beyond flowers and doing romantic things. At its core it is about working with your partner in building a secure and loving relationship. This means working at resolving issues, finding ways to make them feel secure in their relationship with you, and finding ways to relate to them. An example might be ensuring that you make time for them each week by doing something together such as going out for supper or finding an activity to do together. Also it means finding ways to improve the way the two of you communicate.

Last aspect is communication. Bringing up the idea of a threesome indicates there is a reason for wanting it. Communication in this context means finding ways to talk about the reason for wanting a threesome before it leads to conflict and being able to articulate the reason. Also it means trying to find, non-threatening ways to talk about threesomes, relationships, and sexual needs. This means finding a way to open up the discussion about threesomes and have the discussion about what it means for each person.  In essence communication means discussing the larger issue of sex, your relationship with each other and what it will mean for the relationship.

The above approach does not guarantee a threesome will occur but it should help in bringing forward the discussion about having a threesome. Furthermore the unique approach involves using time as an advantage and using it to discuss the idea at regular intervals. By starting the discussion about having a threesome is the first step to a threesome and if, as a couple, this discussion is fruitful then it will lead to the next step in the threesome process. Even if the discussions are not productive it is this author’s hope the discussions led to a securer relationship that is happier. Finally a relationship is not about what each other is willing to give the other but the unique qualities that each possess that makes the relationship special.

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• FAQs about threesomes for couples – Part 2 (3somes.wordpress.com)
• How not to offend the third person (3somes.wordpress.com)
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Understanding Soft-Swinging

Have you ever found the idea of having a threesome arousing, especially during foreplay?  Only to find, apprehension about the idea or concerns about preserving the relationship forces at least one of you to step-back from the idea? Stepping back from the idea after taking steps towards it can create feelings of frustration and wishing there might be happy medium.  It can also create “mixed-messages” and confusion regarding true intentions about having a threesome. For some couples the practice of soft-swinging may offer an alternative or a route to have a threesome by approaching the idea slowly.

Defining soft-swinging is not easy since the term does not have a universal definition and for the purpose of this article it will mean a two male threesome, mfm, whereby the invited male is not sexually involved with the couple that invited them. Soft-swinging does not include foursomes where there is no interaction between the couples and it does not mean a two women threesome, fmf, whereby the male watches.  Also for the purpose of this article, soft-swinging does not include oral, anal, or vaginal sex. It therefore means, soft-swinging involves any activity that does not involve penetration or close sexual contact with the invited male.

This leads this author to the question, why would a couple choose to have a soft-swinging experience? There are numerous reasons. However the most likely reasons include: it can keep the couple:

• sexually monogamous
• keeps  the couple physically monogamous
• significantly reduces the risk of STDs/STIs
• significantly reduces the chance of pregnancy
• for some couples it can serve as a gateway to the group sex scene including threesomes
• it provides the couple with the opportunity to have someone watch them having sex

Essentially, soft-swinging for couple provides a taste of having a threesome while minimizing the risks of having a threesome and it also provides for a couple a chance to experience a threesome without fully committing to it. This means soft-swinging can offer couples the best of worlds, protecting the relationship and having sex while someone else is present.

What are the drawbacks of soft-swinging? On the surface it can appear there are limited drawbacks to soft-swinging but as with anything else, soft-swinging does have its limitations. One major limitation is finding someone interested. Soft-swinging can leave the invited third person feeling sexually frustrated and it can leave them loosing interest in the couple if they believe a threesome will occur that does not occur. Final drawback it can be emotionally intense especially if an individual participating in it is not ready for it. Essentially, this means it can cause emotional damage to the relationship if boundaries are crossed or it was more that what they were expecting.

So, how do you find someone interested in soft-swinging? It is not always easy since this practice is a sub-set of the threesome community and interest tends to be with having a threesome instead of soft-swinging. Nonetheless, you can look in the same places as you can for a threesome. The best advice is being upfront and honest about the limitations to the encounter.

For some couples soft-swinging can provide an alternative to a threesome or can provide a bridge for having one. Nonetheless soft-swinging call allow a couple to remain monogamous to each other while experiencing a threesome. However, soft-swinging can expose a couple to the emotional issues and similar risks that a couple having a threesome will face. Therefore a couple deciding to try soft-swinging needs to evaluate the risks and potential benefits before deciding to undertake soft-swinging.