Tag Archives: frequently asked questions

FAQs Finding a third person

Posted in FAQ, Miscellaneous, Threesome Planning, Threesomes by

English: Search of Space

What are some of the common places to find a third person for a threesome?

There are several websites dedicated to this, along with swingers clubs, dogging locations, and lifestyle events such as munches. Sometimes finding a couple that is interested in sharing or where one of them is interested in a voyeur role is another possibility.

What are some uncommon places to find a third person?

Finding a third person for a threesome takes patience and being able to think ‘outside of the box.’ The more you search and the more receptive you are to other possibilities the greater the chance, this author believes, you have in finding someone.  This could mean if, for example, you start a conversation with someone in the check-out line they could potentially be your third person. The point is, if you have good communication skills, confident, and extroverted then it is possible any situation could lead in finding your third.

Are co-workers, ex lovers, and friends good choices for threesomes?

This author feels, in most situations, they are not good choices.

Is using an escort or a prostitute a good idea for a threesome, especially fmf?

In most places in the world prostitution is illegal, including Las Vegas. Furthermore, even in the few places where prostitution is legal, the risk of STDs / STIs still remains high; not to mention the risk of arrest where it is illegal and the potential risk to your job.

Should we find someone in our town or out of town?

This depends on your level of comfort, the size of your town, and the distance between towns. In this author opinion, if being discreet is essential and you live in a relatively small town then you are probably better off finding someone out of town. Likewise if your job would be at risk if it is discovered you are having a threesome then the more you can do to protect your privacy then the better. Nonetheless the distance to drive to meet someone becomes a factor and driving great distance may not be worth the investment. Simply put there is no easy answer here and it depends on the needs of the couple.

Is it better to have a threesome while on holiday / vacation?

Being on holiday / vacation does allow for easing of personal space and allows for openness that does not always occur in our day to day lives. Also, it can allow for an opportunity to protect your privacy, to a greater extent. Lastly being on holiday / vacation can create a situation where a threesome is more likely to occur. However, you do not need to wait until you are on holiday / vacation to search for a threesome and can have one anytime.

If we are having a full threesome or a soft-swinging experience then should we should choose someone that it similar to us?

Not necessarily, a short-term threesome usually involves focusing on the physical enjoyment of the experience and preventing the formation of an emotional bond with the third person. By selecting someone who is similar, increases the chance that one of you will become emotionally involved with them and adversely impact your relationship. Instead, this author feels, the focus should be on finding someone that you physically attracted to but there is enough of a difference that prevents an emotional bond from being formed. In this author’s opinion this analogous to a ‘friend with benefits’ situation.

How long should we communicate with the third person before having the threesome?

This depends, for example, on the frequency of communication, the distance to be traveled for the meeting, and the type of threesome being planned. If a full-threesome or a soft-swinging encounter is being planned then this author feels the amount of communication should be enough to judge the safety of the situation, if the person meets your needs, and agreement on boundaries. However, if this is a situation where it might ongoing, a cuckold, or a menage da trios then the communication should enough where a relationship can form.

Related articles

FAQ about threesomes for couples – Part 1

Posted in FAQ, Threesomes by

Do we need to practice safe-sex since my partner / spouse has undergone sterilization?

Safe-sex goes beyond preventing pregnancy and it involves protecting yourself against STDs / STIs. Being sterilized will not protect against the risk of STIs / STDs.

Having a threesome will improve our relationship?

Having threesome will not necessarily improve a relationship and it can destroy it. How a threesome will impact a relationship is dependent on several factors and the impact may not be known for some time. This may mean the short-term impact is negative but the long-term impact is good.  It also means how the couple works through the impact and communicate may be the best indicator of how the threesome will impact them.

Having boundaries mean I will be restricting my partner’s enjoyment and it is best not to have boundaries?

Boundaries act as a safety-net and define the limits of the threesome. By having boundaries it means each can emotionally prepare themselves for the threesome and reduce the chance of the unexpected happening (e.g. anal sex when the implied expectation was vaginal penetration).

Is Having a threesome is cheating?

Cheating is a term that is define by each couple and therefore, is difficult to define. In the context of a threesome, this author feels, cheating occurs when boundaries have been violated. This means as long as the boundaries are maintained then no cheating has occurred.

My partner has stated during foreplay they want to have a threesome, I should arrange it for them?

There is a difference between the fantasy of a threesome during foreplay and actually having one. During the fantasy you can be the director, the writer, the producer, the actor, and determine the outcome. However, in reality, you can only control your reactions.

If I Say yes to a threesome then I cannot change my mind?

A threesome can only happen if all three participants agree to it and each person in a threesome has a right to say no at any time.

When is a good time to have a threesome?

It is easier to discuss when having a threesome is bad for a couple just starting out with having a threesome, this includes:

  • Major life event (e.g. death of someone close, a major illness)
  • A period of stress or conflict in the relationship
  • A history or an episode of infidelity
  • Not being a committed monogamous couple for at least 2 – 5 years
  • Not feeling comfortable enough to discuss any issue with your partner or there are implied topics that are not discussed in the relationship.

How can I know be certain if we decide to have a threesome it will be successful?

There is no way to know with 100% accuracy. The best way, this author feels, is to consider the following the list below and the list below is only meant as a guide, not a guarantee.

  • Both of you are secure enough in your relationship whereby having sex with someone else will not destroy the relationship.
  • You are secure enough in your relationship you can have sex with someone else in front of your partner or you are secure enough in your relationship whereby you can watch your partner having sex with someone else.
  • As a couple the two of you can talk about any subject and there are no off limit topics
  • As a couple you have been together at a minimum for 2 – 5 years.
  • The planning of the threesome has involved both of you; it is not a surprise threesome and it is not a threesome where all of the planning has fallen on one individual
  • There has been no force, coercion, pressure, or manipulation used in deciding to have a threesome.
  • The reason for having a threesome does not include the preventing of cheating, “adding spice” to the relationship, or having a threesome due to the sex becoming routine.
  • Decision to have a threesome is not made shortly after a major life event (e.g. marriage, death of a loved one, major move, etc).

Basic Threesome FAQ

Posted in FAQ, Threesomes by

spicesBasic threesome information for the novice

Will a threesome destroy our relationship?

This author believes a threesome will not necessarily destroy a relationship but this author believes, a threesome can act as a catalyst bringing up underlying relationship issues to the surface faster.

Can a threesome fix a troubled relationship or add spice to it?

A threesome cannot fix a trouble relationship or relationship that has become stagnant. In this type of situation it is likely the threesome will make the relationship worse, not better.

Is inviting an ex or a co-worker a good idea to a threesome?

While a few threesomes might work using an ex or a co-worker, most likely this is an ill-advised choice. This is due to the potential risks they pose to the couple. Typical risks for inviting a co-worker include sexual harassment claims, loss of job, loss of privacy, problems at work, and a greater chance cheating might occur. For an ex the biggest risk is the relationship might restart again leading to cheating or the relationship ending.

My partner becomes quite aroused of the idea of having a threesome during foreplay is it advisable to arrange one and then surprise them with it?

No. There is a difference between fantasy and reality, especially when it comes to threesomes. If your partner has expressed an interest in having a threesome then it is best to speak to them outside of the bedroom and at a time when there is no distractions.

My partner has expressed an interest in having a threesome, have they stopped loving me? Do they want a divorce?

You will need to speak to them if you are concerned. However, in most cases it can be a compliment because they feel secure enough in the relationship and want to explore their boundaries with you. Therefore, it is likely the answer to this question is no.

What is soft-swinging?

Soft-swinging has a variety of definitions but at the core of the definition it means no penetration (oral, vaginal, or anal) by the invited third person.

What are the different types of threesomes?

  • Soft-swinging
  • Full threesome
  • Cuckolding
  • Ménage a trios
  • Polyamory: couple with an invited third
  • Open relationship
  • Fantasy Play / Role Playing
  • Dogging
  • Friends with Benefits (can be)

My husband / partner wants a mfm threesome, does it mean he is gay?

Most likely no, most threesomes are two male threesomes that are straight.  Very few two male threesomes involve male on male activity due to risk of STDs / STIs. If you are in doubt then speak to them about it.

After bringing up the idea, how long does it take before we are ready to have a threesome?

It can take any where from a few weeks to a few years depending on the couple. There are some couples that may ultimately decide a threesome is not for them.

My husband and I want a fmf threesome, is it true that it is difficult to find a single woman to join us?

Reality is very few single women are interested in having a fmf threesome with a couple and those who those that are interested are in very high demand. This means a single woman can be selective in the couple she chooses and it means the couple can spend well over a year searching. Best advice would be to search for another couple that is willing to share the female with you but be ready that they will expect that you reciprocate.

Where can we find a threesome?

There are many places to look for a threesome and many opportunities that happen can lead to a threesome. The challenge is knowing which ones will be fruitful versus being a waste of time. Below are a few suggestions:

  • Online dating and threesomes sites.
  • There are a few smart phone apps being produced for this type of search and are beginning making it into the market.
  • Swingers club (not recommended for those just starting out)
  • Swingers party (not recommended for those just starting out)
  • Friends (risky and requires a lot of thought)